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Film Gorillas
  • 12 years ago
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00:00:00But I tell you it's her that's missing now One day you're all gonna see
00:00:26I've never drunk champagne or limo I've never gotten to see how people
00:00:40Maybe some people need to recover To cover up who they really are
00:00:48It's coming I can't wait to say I'm not alone now
00:00:57I might be the laugh of the crowd But that's not my thing
00:01:13But I've got something of substance to say now When I talk you've been listening
00:01:22It's coming I can't wait to say I'm not alone now
00:01:32To the day of May
00:01:47I don't care if those skinny girls like me Need a limo, got a cement car
00:01:53Don't need to go to no stupid parties Yeah, I'm still a superstar
00:02:04It's coming No, I can't wait to say I won't be long now
00:02:14To the day of May
00:02:18It's coming I can't wait to say I won't be long now
00:02:28To the day of May
00:02:35To the day of May
00:02:41To the day of May
00:02:48Oh, hey, I'm Stephen, you're Kingsley?
00:02:51Yep, fantastic to meet you, Stevie. Now give me a hand shifting these tables, will you, Stevie?
00:02:55Nah, it's just Stephen. Stevie's for three-year-olds and 70s music icons.
00:02:59So what does that make you?
00:03:01Angry.
00:03:05Fine, um, fantastic to meet you, Stephen. Now give me a hand shifting these tables, will you, please?
00:03:10What were you thinking, old man?
00:03:23G'day, Roger. Thanks for coming, mate.
00:03:25Are you guys all acquainted?
00:03:27Do we know each other? Yeah, pretty hard not to around here, isn't it?
00:03:30Great. Name tags. Must find name tags.
00:03:37Are you guys here for the speed dating?
00:03:39You better believe it, champ. You want to get in on the action?
00:03:41I know, I'm actually here to cover the event. I didn't realise it was specifically for...
00:03:47Nah, there's girls coming. Definitely. Tons of them. There's girls coming, right?
00:03:53What? Oh, yeah, girls. Sure, I'm sure they'll be here.
00:03:57Oh, I'm sorry, I just saw all their blokes and thought... sausage sizzle.
00:04:05You must be Kingsley, right? Jason, right?
00:04:07This is Jason, everyone. He's from the North East Gazette. Just drumming up some publicity for us, you know?
00:04:11So, next time, will you guys read the Gazette?
00:04:18No?
00:04:20Anyway, I might just try and grab each of you at some stage and get some thoughts from you.
00:04:24Bunch of characters like yourselves, I'm sure you'll have plenty to say.
00:04:32Bunch of characters.
00:04:33Bunch of characters.
00:04:36Oh, I fucking hate that guy.
00:04:40Are you sure about this, honey?
00:04:42Yeah, of course.
00:04:43Because, you know, if you feel uncomfortable, then just call me up.
00:04:45Mum, it's fine.
00:04:47Hey, you sure you don't want to stick around? You never know, you might meet a handsome guy.
00:04:52I don't think so. Besides, I wouldn't want to cramp your style.
00:04:56Oh, but you wouldn't. I'm going to be going home with the first guy I meet anyway.
00:04:59Probably have his kid, get a tattoo, do some drugs.
00:05:02Alright, alright, alright.
00:05:03I still think you should come.
00:05:05Might be a bit much.
00:05:06Suit yourself. I'll see you later, okay?
00:05:08Okay.
00:05:09Okay.
00:05:29Might not know a big heap about maths, but this just isn't going to work.
00:05:34Give it time, mate. I'll let you in on a little secret.
00:05:37It's always a good time when old Kingsley's in charge.
00:05:40And where's Kingsley?
00:05:41You're looking at him, sport.
00:05:43Oh.
00:06:08Jane, is it?
00:06:09Everybody, this is Jane. This is Darren's sister.
00:06:13I think you all know Darren, don't you?
00:06:15Gee, he's my brother a movie star, is he? Keith fucking Costner or something, huh?
00:06:20Kevin.
00:06:21Darren.
00:06:23Roger.
00:06:25I'm Roger. Roger by name and Roger by nature.
00:06:28Huh?
00:06:29Roger.
00:06:32Well, we might as well get things going, huh?
00:06:34That's it? No others?
00:06:35Others?
00:06:37Like us guys aren't going to blow the roof off this place, huh?
00:06:45Hi, I'm Stephen.
00:06:47Don't think we've started yet.
00:06:48Oh yeah, I know. I'm just fast.
00:06:50Everyone's always saying how fast I am.
00:06:54Wow.
00:07:08Round, round, round, round, one, one, one, one.
00:07:16Alright, now we've got things going.
00:07:19For anyone who mightn't know, my name is Kingsley Matheson and I'm an exterminator.
00:07:27I'll be back.
00:07:30Always cracks them up.
00:07:33Anyway, we've got to go.
00:07:34Cracks them up.
00:07:36Anyway, we've got seven people, so we'll do seven rounds of, say, 15 minutes each.
00:07:41I'm the seventh wheel for this one, I guess.
00:07:45Must be towing a trailer.
00:07:51Bit of bush humour for you.
00:07:55Classic.
00:07:58Anyway, without any further ado,
00:08:02let's get ready to rumble.
00:08:13That was the rumble.
00:08:17We'll get on with it.
00:08:23Too much for you, yeah?
00:08:24Oh, absolutely.
00:08:25Before these guys get out of control.
00:08:32Cheers.
00:08:46So, how long have you been in the shire?
00:08:50Since Leon spent all our power bill money on buying a pregnant tester for his bit on the side, I think.
00:08:56Thinks it's fucking ready, steady, cook, got them in two different ovens.
00:09:01You're a bit young for this.
00:09:02How old do you think I am?
00:09:03I don't know, 30?
00:09:16Don't get me wrong, this just really isn't what I was expecting.
00:09:19What were you expecting?
00:09:20I don't know, about a dozen girls having a water fight.
00:09:23Serious?
00:09:24No, not with the reins we're in.
00:09:32Look, I don't know what I'm doing here.
00:09:35I don't know what I was thinking.
00:09:39So, tell me about your wife then.
00:09:49Last first festival, good job on putting all this together.
00:09:52Oh yeah, good isn't it?
00:09:54Takes some work to kick these blokes into gear though.
00:09:57Are you still expecting someone?
00:09:59No, might as well turn it off actually.
00:10:05What do you reckon, probably just starting to kick into gear now.
00:10:09Do you think they're coming back?
00:10:12I know it's weird, but this, today, has taken me months.
00:10:16I mean, I love these people and this place, but it just feels like they've all given up sometimes.
00:10:23It's kind of scary, for them.
00:10:37So what kind of music are you into?
00:10:39I don't really, I used to listen to a bit of Jimmy Barnes.
00:10:42Oh yeah, we had a Jimmy Barnes night here once.
00:10:44Jimmy Barnes came here?
00:10:45Oh no, yeah, we had a few of his tapes and people bought them.
00:10:50Yeah, we had a few of his tapes and people brought costumes and yeah, we do theme nights and stuff.
00:10:55Did he bring the tapes?
00:10:57I don't remember.
00:11:02Yeah, good book.
00:11:04Yeah, not bad. Probably a bit hard to concentrate though.
00:11:08Yeah, me too. I'm not much of a reader.
00:11:16Her name is Laurie.
00:11:17Wow, she was really beautiful.
00:11:19Did she like it out here?
00:11:21It was her idea. After she was diagnosed, she just wanted the two of us to get away.
00:11:26And in the year that we had before it happened, she said it was the best time of her life, for what that's worth.
00:11:36That's not fair, is it?
00:11:38No kidding.
00:11:40I could have been married, you know. Maybe I just wasn't really the marrying type.
00:11:46I'm not sure.
00:11:47Came close once though. Carrie, her name was.
00:11:50We'd been together for two years or something and I took a two-month contract, earned some money for a wedding.
00:11:56Our wedding.
00:11:59Had these grand friggin' plans. Sorry, these grand plans.
00:12:05I worked myself into the ground and it doesn't matter.
00:12:09When she left?
00:12:11I came back to an empty house.
00:12:15Oh, sorry. My 30th birthday. Happier times.
00:12:20She wasn't right for me.
00:12:23I probably avoided the gallows there.
00:12:26Bitch.
00:12:38Time to wind this round up.
00:12:41Hey look, sorry about before. I don't really know where that came from.
00:12:45So darn far in the past now.
00:12:50She's in town at the moment. Probably just brought some stuff back to the surface.
00:12:54She's in town for you?
00:12:56Couldn't say. She says she wants to catch up or something. It's been a long time.
00:13:01I've invited her to stop in today.
00:13:03I hope it works out.
00:13:05You got the picture back, right?
00:13:08Damn thing just keeps showing up.
00:13:12How'd you meet your wife?
00:13:14I forget. I think I've repressed that particular memory.
00:13:18I just woke up one day without hopes and dreams and noticed my testicles were missing.
00:13:38Yeah, what a great start to the day.
00:13:41Everyone's having a good time, right?
00:13:46Well, time flies when you're having fun.
00:13:50As if there aren't enough flies around here.
00:13:58So, before the next 15 minutes whizz by,
00:14:01everybody take a look at the schedule board for round two
00:14:04and take a seat at your tables.
00:14:08Round, round, round two, two, two, two, two.
00:14:14Well, come on. What are you all waiting for?
00:14:24So, Jane, I guess that means it was me. If that's OK?
00:14:27Whatever, dickhead.
00:14:30Well, I'm of Irish-Scottish descent,
00:14:34six foot one, self-employed and...
00:14:38I like killing backpackers in the desert.
00:14:41Are you even listening to me?
00:14:44Yeah.
00:14:46Just so you know, this...
00:14:50isn't going to happen.
00:14:53How's your brother?
00:14:55You're living with him and his wife.
00:14:57You're living with him and his wife, aren't you?
00:15:00Yeah. Yeah, that's right.
00:15:03Settle down, mate. You'll get your chance.
00:15:06Yeah. It's just Roger, though, isn't it?
00:15:09Roger's all right. I'm not worried or anything.
00:15:13Are you drunk? Like this?
00:15:16Nah. Just something to drink.
00:15:19Think.
00:15:23All my life I've been here. Got everything I want.
00:15:26Good attitude.
00:15:28Fucking ace.
00:15:30Well, shows a lot of strength, you know? I really admire that.
00:15:33Yeah. I've lived out here all my life as well.
00:15:36I really love it out here. It's great.
00:15:39The folksy traditions and the good attitude and the animals.
00:15:43Yeah, I really love it out here. It's great.
00:15:46Yeah, it's pretty great.
00:15:48Right, well, it's good to have a second opinion anyway.
00:15:51Yeah, yeah. I'll let you guys get back into it.
00:15:54It's pretty, actually.
00:15:57Little guy loves it out here.
00:16:07Sorry. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but you've just had some bad luck with a partner.
00:16:12Bad luck? That's a new way of putting it.
00:16:15You're saying about the break-up?
00:16:17Kingsley was saying.
00:16:18Kingsley? Kingsley wouldn't know his arse from his anus.
00:16:21You're about the same, mind you.
00:16:23Well, it must be tough.
00:16:25Nah. Better off without the miserable prick.
00:16:28Except I'm kind of stuck with him now, aren't I?
00:16:31There's no chance of fixing things with the father?
00:16:33Are you kidding? He ran off with an 18-year-old?
00:16:36That's no good.
00:16:38Stupid little slut wouldn't know her arse from her anus.
00:16:42Arse from anus.
00:16:45What are you writing?
00:16:47Poetry.
00:16:49Gay.
00:16:54What's this?
00:17:06So, did we all enjoy round two?
00:17:11Alright, great. How about we roll the dice of love?
00:17:16Why don't you stick the dice of love up your...
00:17:18Kidding. Kidding. Gosh.
00:17:24You can see the schedule board. You know where you need to be.
00:17:28And, as Confucius say,
00:17:32he with whom neither slander, but gradually soaks into the mind,
00:17:37a successful may be called intelligent indeed.
00:17:45Something to think about anyway.
00:17:47Round, round, round three, three, three, three, three, three.
00:18:06So...
00:18:12So...
00:18:14Do you come here often?
00:18:16Do you come here often?
00:18:20Do you want another try?
00:18:25Weren't you just telling me how fast you were?
00:18:27Hey, nah, this is fast around here.
00:18:29Oh, because I'm back in the city, you know, with the big buildings
00:18:32and the bright lights and the fast cars.
00:18:34We'd say that this was kind of awkward.
00:18:36Nah, not around here, you know.
00:18:38In fact, around here you can go hours between asking a question
00:18:41and getting an answer. It's the laid-back country folk and all that.
00:18:45That might be a problem,
00:18:47because Kingsley's going to be ringing the bell in 13 minutes.
00:18:52I like to do sitting,
00:18:54and you'll be just staring when the opportunity arises.
00:18:58How about yourself?
00:19:00I used to carve Tom Arnold figurines out of potatoes.
00:19:02Do people buy them?
00:19:04They weren't for sale.
00:19:06All right.
00:19:08Running in the roadhouse with Mum, that's pretty exciting too.
00:19:11Oh, yeah? What part?
00:19:12Chico rolls. They're pretty cool.
00:19:14They are pretty cool.
00:19:16Yeah, they're cool.
00:19:24Well, so what do you want to talk about?
00:19:28Nothing, mate.
00:19:30Sorry, I've got to plan some more activities and stuff,
00:19:33so if you can please just give me some hush.
00:19:38I'll just wait outside, shall I?
00:19:40Maybe just for a few minutes.
00:19:45OK.
00:20:03Hi, Carrie, Kingsley again.
00:20:06I hope you get this message soon.
00:20:09We're all having a great time.
00:20:11Hey, you guys, settle down a bit, eh?
00:20:13I'm trying to talk here.
00:20:19Sorry about that.
00:20:21I'll see you soon, huh?
00:20:40Look, I don't get what we're doing.
00:20:42Nothing really.
00:20:43Look, just tell me a bit about yourself, why you're here, that kind of thing.
00:20:46Oh, jeez.
00:20:47My name's Roger, and I've been out in the bush all my life,
00:20:50and I come here today because...
00:20:55Well, it doesn't matter.
00:20:57I didn't come here to talk to no friggin' physiotherapist.
00:21:00No offence.
00:21:02Well, that's fine.
00:21:05Look, it's tough out here, isn't it?
00:21:07It wouldn't be any easier anywhere else.
00:21:09I don't talk to girls much.
00:21:12You know, practice makes perfect, eh?
00:21:16What the fuck's that supposed to mean?
00:21:18I don't like girls and women, that kind of thing.
00:21:20You're a cockspank!
00:21:23So what does a farm boy get up to exactly?
00:21:25Other than, well, you know, the obvious.
00:21:28What obvious?
00:21:29You know, all those cold, lonely nights,
00:21:31you go on up to the stables and...
00:21:32Reenact the birth of Christ?
00:21:33Something like that.
00:21:34Horse sex? No.
00:21:35They wouldn't have you?
00:21:36Quite the opposite.
00:21:37See, they all want commitment.
00:21:39I'm not really a one-horse man.
00:21:40Go on then, so what's a normal day for you?
00:21:42Wake up an hour before the sun rises.
00:21:44Milk the chickens.
00:21:46Harvest the cows.
00:21:47I'm not sure you got that quite right.
00:21:50I might need to make a call.
00:22:00They seem to have taken the speed out of speed dating.
00:22:03Actually, they seem to have taken the dating out of speed dating too.
00:22:07Yeah.
00:22:09So, how are you finding it out here?
00:22:11It's okay.
00:22:13Thought there'd be a few more blokes around here, though, today.
00:22:16You're lucky.
00:22:17Five guys to two women.
00:22:19Odds are better for you than us.
00:22:21Yeah, there's five blokes.
00:22:23One's a 90-year-old, one's a kid, and you and Kingsley...
00:22:26Too sexy?
00:22:28Yeah, get that all the time.
00:22:30Yeah.
00:22:32But I just wouldn't.
00:22:34You don't even know me.
00:22:35Oh, no offence, but...
00:22:37Come on.
00:22:40You ever been married or anything?
00:22:41What do you fucking think?
00:22:42I don't know.
00:22:43No.
00:22:44I don't talk to women much, and women don't talk to me neither.
00:22:46That sounds like heaven.
00:22:48Can't shut my wife up.
00:22:49I'll have her.
00:22:50She's yours.
00:22:51She ain't fussy.
00:22:52You're joking, right?
00:22:53No, I put in a good word for you.
00:22:54Look, it's 44 Marsh Road.
00:22:57Bedroom's first door on the right.
00:23:00And the cistern runs.
00:23:01I've got a house, and toilet work's fine, thanks.
00:23:05Now, I do hope you're ready for this.
00:23:07Oh, my God.
00:23:22Steven's getting laid.
00:23:27Steven.
00:23:30That one was my piece.
00:23:31They can keep it.
00:23:33So, we've got like two minutes left.
00:23:34You got any other tricks up your sleeve?
00:23:36Well, yes I do, Michelle.
00:23:39Do you see this coin?
00:23:40Yes.
00:23:44Oh, then no.
00:23:47So, how come I never see you at the Roadhouse?
00:23:49You don't like our food?
00:23:50So, you're saying I should drop in?
00:23:52Yeah, definitely.
00:23:53I'll even give you a free water.
00:23:55Fantastic.
00:23:56On weekdays, between 3 and 5.
00:23:57Cash only.
00:23:58Not valid with any other offer.
00:23:59Expires March 9.
00:24:00That.
00:24:02Sounds good.
00:24:03It's a date.
00:24:04Really?
00:24:17Alrighty.
00:24:18Is everybody ready to get the next round going?
00:24:22Right.
00:24:23Still a bit shy, huh?
00:24:24Do we need to try an icebreaker or something?
00:24:26Isn't that what today is?
00:24:27What?
00:24:28No, I mean like an activity.
00:24:30Relaxed.
00:24:31Warmed up.
00:24:32That kind of thing.
00:24:33Actually, I've got just the thing.
00:24:35I want everybody to write down the name of the first famous person that they think of.
00:24:40But don't use me or I'll get embarrassed.
00:24:46I'll get the name tags.
00:24:48This'll be great.
00:24:52You could have just said that you don't want to play.
00:24:56What do you mean?
00:24:57Shit.
00:24:59You're shitting me.
00:25:00Who would have guessed?
00:25:03Okay, Jason.
00:25:04I know I wrote something different at least, so it's on to you.
00:25:12Am I a famous author?
00:25:14Yes.
00:25:16Am I...
00:25:18Leo Tolstoy?
00:25:20He's very good.
00:25:21Oh, come on.
00:25:22He didn't get that by himself.
00:25:24Who told him?
00:25:26The marker went through the table, Kings.
00:25:29Right.
00:25:31No problem.
00:25:32This is why I have backup ideas.
00:25:34Who's heard of Chinese whispers?
00:25:36No way.
00:25:38None of that ethnic bullshit.
00:25:40Yeah, Chinese whispers.
00:25:41Can't understand them even when they talk loud.
00:25:45That's why they squint so much.
00:25:47They can't understand each other.
00:25:49Can we move on?
00:25:51Good idea.
00:25:52I've got another activity.
00:25:54Much further on.
00:25:55Griffo.
00:25:56This guy.
00:26:00No, no, no.
00:26:01Seriously.
00:26:02I've got a real fun one we can do.
00:26:04I just need to break up into a couple of groups.
00:26:08John, Michelle and Stephen, you're one group.
00:26:12Roger, Griffo, Jane, you're the other group.
00:26:16Jason and I will just be neutral.
00:26:18I think you got neutral at birth.
00:26:20No offence.
00:26:21Right.
00:26:22It's a team challenge.
00:26:24You need to choose three things.
00:26:26All of them need to fit in a pocket
00:26:28that you would choose to have
00:26:30if you were going to be stranded on an island.
00:26:32And...
00:26:34Start.
00:26:35Three minutes.
00:26:48You young people can handle this.
00:26:50I'm just going to get some fresh air.
00:27:01Hey, sorry about the date thing before.
00:27:04See, here's the thing.
00:27:06I thought we were talking about actual dates.
00:27:08Like the ones you eat.
00:27:12What is a date anyway?
00:27:13Like a dried plum or something?
00:27:15A date's a date.
00:27:16It's not a dried anything.
00:27:17I think that's a prune.
00:27:19Oh, no shit.
00:27:23Um, so we're stranded on a desert island.
00:27:26Yeah, nice navigating, doofus.
00:27:28I knew I should have asked for directions
00:27:30when I saw those icebergs.
00:27:31Well, if you'd have been looking at the map
00:27:33instead of doing your make-up in the rear-view mirror.
00:27:35Well, if you'd let me out of the house
00:27:36without my face on once in a while.
00:27:38If you'd take care of yourself a little better.
00:27:40Didn't hear your brother complaining?
00:27:42Or your dad?
00:27:43Ouch.
00:27:45I'm bigger, right?
00:27:46Not in any way.
00:27:47Barretty knew that.
00:27:48I read it in the Shine newsletter.
00:27:50Well, maybe you can read this too.
00:27:56You guys take these games pretty seriously.
00:27:58I'm a winner.
00:28:00Okay, time's up.
00:28:02Let's see what we've got.
00:28:04Stephen, tell me what your team came up with.
00:28:07Right.
00:28:08A cigarette lighter for fires and a light.
00:28:12A pack of Skittles, because we all like Skittles.
00:28:15And, yeah, like a folded plastic sheet for shelter
00:28:18and that sort of thing.
00:28:19We didn't really think...
00:28:20What?
00:28:21That's stupid.
00:28:22Have you ever travelled before?
00:28:23Good.
00:28:24A bit of healthy competition.
00:28:26Jane thinks I did better.
00:28:27Jane.
00:28:28Right.
00:28:29Dead easy.
00:28:30Three things.
00:28:31Mobile phone.
00:28:32Heaps of American money.
00:28:34And...
00:28:36plane tickets.
00:28:37Fucking cinch.
00:28:38It's a deserted island.
00:28:39What good are those things?
00:28:40Never said it was a deserted island.
00:28:42Just said it was an island.
00:28:43We can't help it if you guys are all
00:28:44fucking...
00:28:51It's just a stupid game, guys.
00:28:53Whatever.
00:28:54Sore losers.
00:28:55I mean, who would even want to go to an island like that?
00:28:57All deserted and shit.
00:28:59Stupid game.
00:29:00Just a waste of fucking time.
00:29:02I mean, why would a plane even land there?
00:29:04No petrol.
00:29:05Idiot.
00:29:06There's no food or phones,
00:29:07but now there's a petrol station.
00:29:09Think about it.
00:29:10No wonder you've never had sex.
00:29:12All right, Kingsley.
00:29:13What are our next pairs?
00:29:14I think we've broken a little too much ice.
00:29:16Sure.
00:29:19Thanks for that.
00:29:20It's all right.
00:29:21It's not your fault no one will have sex with you.
00:29:23Okay, so let's just get into round four.
00:29:25I had written some fun questions to help us out.
00:29:30Use them.
00:29:31Don't use them.
00:29:33It's up to you.
00:29:34Let's just put the icebreaker behind us
00:29:36and get this thing cranking again, hey?
00:29:42All right.
00:29:54All right, this is a good one.
00:29:56What is the worst job you've ever worked?
00:29:59I was a no-nonsense prison warden with a heart of gold.
00:30:03Let's not do this, hey?
00:30:04I'd rather just talk.
00:30:12You look a bit frustrated.
00:30:13Do I? How come?
00:30:14Well, I don't know.
00:30:15I mean, I'm having a good time,
00:30:16but it seems like maybe you're hoping for a bit more than this.
00:30:19Oh, no, no, that's how these things start.
00:30:21It's building to something.
00:30:26What am I supposed to do with it?
00:30:27Well, don't ask me.
00:30:28It's your shoe now.
00:30:31Awesome.
00:30:33All right.
00:30:35Double or nothing.
00:30:39What?
00:30:41Once.
00:30:43I know.
00:30:44It's not working, is it?
00:30:45It's a joke.
00:30:46No, no, it's fine.
00:30:47I'm having a good time.
00:30:54I used to be a cat walker.
00:30:56I used to take my neighbours' cats for walks for money.
00:30:59That's the worst job I've ever had.
00:31:01We can talk about that if you'd rather.
00:31:03A cat walker? That's priceless.
00:31:04I thought that might cheer you up.
00:31:06Yeah.
00:31:07God, how did you ever get to become a prison warden?
00:31:10I was joking.
00:31:11So was I.
00:31:12We're not all, Roger.
00:31:13What?
00:31:14Nothing, mate.
00:31:15Different Roger.
00:31:16Oh.
00:31:17Different Roger.
00:31:18I think Stephen might be going a bit mental, you know.
00:31:21You mean Kingsley?
00:31:22Christ, you're as bad as he is.
00:31:24Tell you there's some dumb people here today.
00:31:28Just the way I bring spares, eh?
00:31:32So, Roger,
00:31:33if you could have any four people come to a dinner party,
00:31:36who would they be?
00:31:37People from around here? Where at?
00:31:39I don't think that matters.
00:31:40Just, you know, anyone in history.
00:31:43Never really been to a dinner party.
00:31:47Jesus.
00:31:48Moses.
00:31:49Bradman.
00:31:50Einstein.
00:31:51Madonna.
00:31:52Bob Saget.
00:31:53Yeah, they'd be good.
00:31:54They'd be all right, I guess.
00:31:55Strong answer.
00:31:57You're right, sister.
00:32:01If you were a tree,
00:32:02what type of tree would you be?
00:32:04Fucking bored one.
00:32:06What kind of question is that?
00:32:08Okay.
00:32:10Next.
00:32:13What's your favourite film?
00:32:16I like that Negro one.
00:32:18Negro one?
00:32:19You know, the one with the African guy?
00:32:23What or who would be your perfect partner?
00:32:28Well, my wife would be pretty close.
00:32:31But she's passed now, so...
00:32:32Not really perfect then, is she?
00:32:35No.
00:32:36I guess not.
00:32:40So you drive trucks around here, do you?
00:32:42Yeah, got a little run I do through here.
00:32:44Never thought of settling down somewhere a bit nicer.
00:32:48Not specially?
00:32:49Not even if you've found the right woman.
00:32:51I have.
00:32:52Heaps of times.
00:32:54Problem is,
00:32:55right women don't seem to want to have much to do with me.
00:33:00Even the wrong ones aren't too keen.
00:33:02Jane is, um...
00:33:03She's really something, isn't she?
00:33:05She's okay.
00:33:07We're pretty much the same to me now.
00:33:09So why haven't you come here today?
00:33:13No. Glutton for punishment, I suppose.
00:33:15So you are ready for marriage.
00:33:27Shit, this is a long one.
00:33:30If you went on holiday,
00:33:32and then were stranded on an island,
00:33:34what...
00:33:45What three things would you bring?
00:33:49A boat, some fuel,
00:33:51and Jonathan Taylor Thomas.
00:33:53Thomas.
00:33:58I just think he'd be a cool guy.
00:34:02There's no answers.
00:34:06So how did she die?
00:34:08I don't think that's on the list.
00:34:10Well, I know. I'm just asking.
00:34:14Cancer.
00:34:17Could have been worse, then.
00:34:20How?
00:34:23I could have died.
00:34:26I can't do this.
00:34:44You guys go back inside. I'm fine.
00:34:46I just wanted some fresh air.
00:34:49I'm fine.
00:34:54The whole thing's shot now.
00:34:56We're out of sync and...
00:34:57Don't panic.
00:34:58Let's look at the schedule.
00:35:02I think if we swap this round and this round,
00:35:05I'll duck outside with these guys.
00:35:06They'll even things out.
00:35:09Cheers, Jay.
00:35:10That leaves Roger with Jay,
00:35:13and I'm with you, Stevie.
00:35:20You guys have been designated the outdoor round.
00:35:23Sounds good.
00:35:24Great.
00:35:25I think Kingsley's about to have a coronary in there.
00:35:28That is great.
00:35:30Tony, you all right?
00:35:31You and Jane didn't hit it off too well?
00:35:33Yeah, Jane.
00:35:34She's a real catch.
00:35:35Reminds me of Audrey Hepburn.
00:35:37Yeah.
00:35:38Must have seen her other movies.
00:35:39Jane's in movies, too?
00:35:42Well, hardly surprising, I guess.
00:35:45Feels like forever since I had a father.
00:35:48Feels like forever since I had a fuck.
00:35:50How long?
00:35:51Years?
00:35:53Nah.
00:35:54I'm not the arch-pope or anything.
00:35:56Oh.
00:35:58Are you seeing anyone at the minute?
00:36:00Nah, not really.
00:36:04Do you think we should go out there?
00:36:05I feel we should be out there, shouldn't we?
00:36:07I think they might want the space for a bit.
00:36:09They'll be back soon enough.
00:36:11Michelle will be back soon, okay?
00:36:13Oh, is she out there, is she?
00:36:14Didn't really notice.
00:36:17You in town for long?
00:36:18Dunno.
00:36:19Is it worth me sticking around, you think?
00:36:21Oh, it's pretty good around here.
00:36:23We've got some dog trials coming up in a few weeks.
00:36:25Is that it?
00:36:26Well, we can check and see if there's some trials coming up somewhere else.
00:36:29Nah, I mean, is that all you're gonna do?
00:36:31I thought you were different from these other blokes.
00:36:33I am different.
00:36:34Well, then grow some balls, for fuck's sake.
00:36:36Yeah, that's right.
00:36:38You heard me.
00:36:39These guys couldn't get a fuck in a gay bar.
00:36:41What?
00:36:42Right.
00:36:43That's enough bullshit.
00:36:44Let's go.
00:36:46What, here?
00:36:47Now?
00:36:48But you're pregnant, aren't you?
00:36:49Exactly, so it's a freebie, isn't it?
00:36:51I knew these twins when I was younger.
00:36:53Oh, it's one in a hundred.
00:36:55Come on.
00:36:56We've got eight minutes till he starts banging on his mileage.
00:36:59You think eight won't be enough?
00:37:09Well.
00:37:11Good for them.
00:37:13Yeah.
00:37:17Do you think good robots go to heaven?
00:37:20Maybe.
00:37:22I hope so.
00:37:26So, what's your story?
00:37:27How do you mean?
00:37:28What are you running from?
00:37:30I'm not running from anything.
00:37:32Well, who then?
00:37:33Look, you're a nice guy, Griffo, but I'm not about to cry on your shoulder.
00:37:39What do you reckon they're doing in there?
00:37:41What do you mean, nah?
00:37:43What do you reckon they're doing in there?
00:37:45What do you mean, nah?
00:37:47Do you guys fucking mind?
00:37:49It's a privacy.
00:37:50Yeah, fine, of course.
00:37:52Fucking perverts.
00:38:08Was this on the schedule?
00:38:11They'll finish up soon, won't they?
00:38:13What are you in a hurry to get back in there?
00:38:15It's hot out here.
00:38:16I'm sure we could get used to the sound.
00:38:17How bad could it be?
00:38:23We can wait.
00:38:25Oh!
00:38:26Oh, that's it!
00:38:27Oh, work it, big boy!
00:38:29Oh!
00:38:30Oh!
00:38:31Oh!
00:38:32Oh!
00:38:33Oh!
00:38:35Are you going to say anything?
00:38:37Are you going to think I'm a dud, Roach?
00:38:38Oh, yeah.
00:38:40Whee!
00:38:41Yeah!
00:38:42Right on, cowboy!
00:38:44Is that how you have sex?
00:38:46No, I normally use my dick, too.
00:38:50Why are we doing this again?
00:38:52Bored?
00:38:53Plus, I've got a reputation to maintain.
00:38:57You didn't really think we were going to have sex, did you?
00:38:59No, of course not.
00:39:01You might want to put those back on then.
00:39:03Yeah, gotcha.
00:39:07You like kids?
00:39:08Which ones?
00:39:09I mean, I don't really know any.
00:39:10I only really care about this one.
00:39:12Well, it's hard to say.
00:39:13I mean, he's not either here nor there, is he?
00:39:15I reckon he's great.
00:39:16He talks to me sometimes.
00:39:18Says he wants a daddy.
00:39:21Shit.
00:39:22I couldn't talk till I was at least four.
00:39:25Will anyone mind if I stop using that room for my one-on-ones?
00:39:29I think old Roger and Jane have already used it.
00:39:31No, I think we've already got that one, Stevie.
00:39:34It's Steven.
00:39:35I prefer Stevie.
00:39:36Stop it, will you?
00:39:37Stevie.
00:39:38What kind of a name is Griffo?
00:39:40What's your first name anyway? It's probably Stupid.
00:39:42Steven.
00:39:43Stupid.
00:39:45Sounds like someone needs a hug.
00:39:47Am I going to need my rape whistle?
00:39:49Need is such a strong word.
00:39:53Oh, wait, I think they might have, um...
00:40:00Think they might have found their second wind.
00:40:02Looks like they've sent a new benchmark for us, Stevie.
00:40:06Do you like pickles?
00:40:14Yeah, I got one.
00:40:15What do you do if a bird shits on your car?
00:40:18No.
00:40:19Wash it off.
00:40:20Move it.
00:40:21What are you doing, jokes or domestic tips?
00:40:23You don't take her out again.
00:40:29Why would a woman crap on your car?
00:40:31She wouldn't.
00:40:32That's why it's funny.
00:40:33You suck!
00:40:34It was funny, all right?
00:40:35And I know funny.
00:40:36And that was it.
00:40:37Funny.
00:40:38Well, why don't you take your material on the road, Stevie?
00:40:41Well, it's not ready.
00:40:50Those guys are mean.
00:40:51Poor Stevie.
00:40:52Don't you start.
00:40:53What's wrong with Stevie?
00:40:54Who cares what people call you?
00:40:55It's just a name.
00:40:56You could call me Uncle Wenceslidow if you wanted to.
00:40:59I already have an Uncle Wenceslidow.
00:41:01That'd be really confusing.
00:41:02Poor guy's got enough trouble as it is.
00:41:04I think we could sort something out.
00:41:06The point is, it's just a name, so who cares?
00:41:08Because it's not just Stevie.
00:41:10It's Stevie.
00:41:12If you knew my brother, you'd understand.
00:41:14Still no girls, though, Stevie.
00:41:16Added tissues again, Stevie.
00:41:18No, I don't have any old socks, Stevie.
00:41:20Why would you want an old sock?
00:41:22You're a loser, Stevie.
00:41:24Yes, Stevie, a total loser.
00:41:26You want to go have sex on his bed, babe?
00:41:28Yeah, but only if he's not in it.
00:41:30I love you, Michael.
00:41:32Well, I love me too, babe.
00:41:37Hey, is that one supposed to be his wife?
00:41:39No, that's both him.
00:41:40He's really lonely.
00:41:41So what's his wife like, then?
00:41:43She's all right.
00:41:44He keeps her in line pretty well.
00:41:45The old left hook here, the right hook there.
00:41:49Are you serious?
00:41:50Do you think that's funny?
00:41:52No.
00:41:53Not for her, anyway.
00:41:55No, you're right.
00:41:56Spousal abuse is hilarious.
00:41:58Hey, got any good ones on pedophilia?
00:42:00No.
00:42:02Well, actually, no.
00:42:05Look, just try and keep the wife beating jokes under wraps, yeah?
00:42:11So, like, were you...
00:42:14What does that matter?
00:42:15What, oh, it's okay to impersonate a blind person
00:42:17because they can't see you?
00:42:18Physical comedy isn't really my thing.
00:42:20No, gutless sarcasm seems a better fit.
00:42:22Hey, I'm sorry.
00:42:24I'm just nervous.
00:42:25I don't do this sort of stuff very often.
00:42:27Oh, give me a break.
00:42:28Do you know why you feel like people treat you like a kid?
00:42:31It's because you act like one.
00:42:32You go around acting like everything's someone else's fault.
00:42:35But the truth is,
00:42:36you can't blame anyone else on you being a loser, Stevie.
00:42:39That's just you.
00:42:43Fair enough.
00:42:45Fair enough.
00:43:08You'll pay for that, Stevie.
00:43:10Yep.
00:43:11Good day.
00:43:15SIREN BLARES
00:43:17Oh, come on.
00:43:19You're either very good or very clumsy.
00:43:21Got old and finished by now,
00:43:23had a shower, had a nap, made a sandwich
00:43:26and rolled Stevie's mum over by now.
00:43:28Shh.
00:43:29I think they've stopped.
00:43:35Okay, we're going.
00:43:37You bunch of losers are making my baby depressed.
00:43:40What's that?
00:43:41Yeah, they are pathetic.
00:43:43See you.
00:43:44Thanks, Kingsley.
00:43:53It's a shame Jane left when she did, mate.
00:43:55I see some real magic happening between you two, John.
00:43:58No offence, Griffo,
00:43:59but I'm beginning to understand why you drive trucks for a living.
00:44:03Is it because I rock?
00:44:08Things seem to be going well with him.
00:44:10Sure, yeah.
00:44:11Great.
00:44:13Sorry, who?
00:44:14Michelle.
00:44:15Jeez, mate, blind Freddy could see you've got a thing for her.
00:44:17Yeah, well, let's hope he's mute Freddy then too, eh?
00:44:20You don't want her knowing you're keen?
00:44:22I don't want him talking to her first.
00:44:24Chicks dig blind guys, and mute guys, mind you,
00:44:26so I'm screwed either way.
00:44:28It's just a figure of speech, you know.
00:44:30Figure of speech?
00:44:32Pretty harsh thing to say about a mute, mate.
00:44:34Carrie.
00:44:35Carrie, hey, you going to come down?
00:44:38No, no, we're still going.
00:44:40No, we're definitely kicking on.
00:44:42Me?
00:44:43I'm outside.
00:44:44Yeah, yeah, it's Bedlam in there.
00:44:46These guys are crazy.
00:44:48Your toes itchy?
00:44:52Itchy?
00:44:53No, there's still plenty of time.
00:44:55You should come down.
00:44:56We'd all love to have you here.
00:44:59Please.
00:45:03Yeah, of course.
00:45:05How long are you here for?
00:45:08Oh, thought it must have been something like that.
00:45:11Of course.
00:45:14Maybe next time, yeah?
00:45:19Yeah.
00:45:22Let me ask you something.
00:45:23Do I look like the kind of guy who's had a lot of experience with women?
00:45:26Well...
00:45:27Well, yeah, no, this may shock you, but I haven't.
00:45:30So a girl like Michelle walks in here,
00:45:32and things seem to be going great,
00:45:34and I take one false move and...
00:45:36Carnage.
00:45:37It doesn't get any easier with practice.
00:45:39Are you serious?
00:45:40Yeah.
00:45:41It's like this.
00:45:42I've been married to one for five years,
00:45:44and I get home on Monday,
00:45:45and she's all hugs and kisses and cooked dinners.
00:45:48I get home on Tuesday,
00:45:49and she has snarls and cold shoulders,
00:45:51and I'm sleeping on the couch.
00:45:53You know what's different between Monday and Tuesday?
00:45:55What?
00:45:56Nothing.
00:45:57That's the point.
00:45:58Why don't you just divorce her, then?
00:46:00It's got the energy.
00:46:02Why don't you just divorce her, then?
00:46:03It's got the energy for that.
00:46:05It'd be so much easier if just guys could get with other guys.
00:46:12So you want to go for a drink or something later on?
00:46:17I can't keep doing this.
00:46:19Well, you won't have to for much longer.
00:46:22We're all but done in there.
00:46:23Not that.
00:46:24Just generally.
00:46:26I can't keep pretending that things are going to be okay.
00:46:30It's just one more person, mate.
00:46:32The day's halfway over anyway.
00:46:33I don't get it.
00:46:35Today was about her.
00:46:37She's not just one more person.
00:46:38She's Mike's fiancée.
00:46:41What, you were trying to impress your ex with speed dating?
00:46:44No.
00:46:45Yes.
00:46:47I don't know.
00:46:48Probably just wanted to show that I was getting on with life
00:46:51and doing all right.
00:46:53So wait.
00:46:55The rest of us,
00:46:56the ones that actually came along,
00:46:58we're just here to impress your ex?
00:47:00Can't this wait, mate.
00:47:01No, it can't.
00:47:02What kind of selfish fuckwhistle put half a dozen people through this
00:47:05for his own petty needs?
00:47:06It wasn't just about that.
00:47:08It was supposed to be a chance for all of us.
00:47:10Bullshit.
00:47:11You want me to apologise?
00:47:13Ah, forget it.
00:47:14No, no, you're right.
00:47:16The guilt's been killing me.
00:47:17I'm sorry for putting you through this.
00:47:19I'm sorry for wasting time you didn't need
00:47:21and money you didn't spend.
00:47:23Take a look at yourself, mate.
00:47:24Just all a big cop-out, isn't it?
00:47:26You don't know me.
00:47:27Don't pretend you know me, you cocky shit.
00:47:29I know you had written this off before you even got here, mate.
00:47:31What kind of attitude is that?
00:47:33Look at me.
00:47:34What?
00:47:35I'm supposed to take today seriously?
00:47:36What'd be the point in that?
00:47:38Yeah, all just too hard, isn't it?
00:47:39Take a step off your high horse, mate.
00:47:42Today's just been a sad, pathetic joke.
00:47:44And while we're talking about sad, pathetic jokes,
00:47:47why don't you take a look at yourself?
00:47:49You're a laughingstock,
00:47:50a bloody embarrassment.
00:47:52Can you judge me?
00:47:53At least I'm trying.
00:47:54I'd rather try and fail than sit around and cry about it.
00:47:57Leave it, Kingsley.
00:47:59What about you then, John?
00:48:01What about me?
00:48:02You know better.
00:48:03You've both just given up.
00:48:05Is this what the future holds, is it?
00:48:07What are you saying, Kingsley?
00:48:08I'm really sorry that you lost your wife, mate.
00:48:10But it doesn't mean you should just start batting for stumps.
00:48:13Staying here and being miserable doesn't bring her back, John,
00:48:16and she wouldn't want you to stay if you're not happy.
00:48:18Just stop it, mate.
00:48:19Look, I'll play along and watch you try and fix our problems with these childish games,
00:48:23but I'd draw the line at you telling me what my wife would think.
00:48:29How did it get to this?
00:48:31For any of us,
00:48:33I don't want to be like this.
00:48:38Hey, are we going to finish this thing off?
00:48:42Yeah, everything's fine.
00:48:44We'll be in in a minute.
00:48:46Whenever you're ready.
00:48:51Look,
00:48:53I'm sorry, guys.
00:48:55It just hasn't been my day, you know.
00:48:57Don't worry, mate.
00:48:59It hasn't been anybody's day.
00:49:13Okay.
00:49:14I've lost track.
00:49:16Has everybody had the chance to talk to everybody yet?
00:49:18I think so.
00:49:19Right.
00:49:20It's up to you guys then.
00:49:21Do you want to stick around a bit longer to finish the wine off?
00:49:24Oh, not me.
00:49:25My ride's here.
00:49:26Right.
00:49:27Sounds like the final siren to me.
00:49:29I'm going to start packing away.
00:49:34Hey.
00:49:36I'm sorry for losing it before.
00:49:38I was too harsh.
00:49:39I just...
00:49:40Nah, it's alright.
00:49:41You were right about most of it anyway.
00:49:45Hey, Stephen.
00:49:47You'll come past the roadhouse sometime, right?
00:49:49I can give you a free Chico roll.
00:49:51Honestly,
00:49:53I don't actually like Chico rolls.
00:49:55Does anyone?
00:49:56Sorry, Michelle.
00:49:57I think you left your phone.
00:49:58Oh, thanks.
00:50:08Are you fucking insane?
00:50:10We're not still doing this, are we?
00:50:11No, mate.
00:50:13I've got no idea what you're doing, I'm afraid.
00:50:16You alright?
00:50:17Yeah.
00:50:19How'd it go?
00:50:20It was good.
00:50:21Good group.
00:50:28Kingsley, what do you want this?
00:50:30Am I missing something here?
00:50:31It's not going to happen, okay?
00:50:32I'm way out of my depth.
00:50:34And do you really think a girl like that is going to stick around with me?
00:50:36Mate, you're asking the wrong blokes.
00:50:38It's just like Jason was saying.
00:50:39He's married.
00:50:40He's no happier than any of us.
00:50:42Yeah, well, Stephen, I didn't mean you should just give up.
00:50:44Hey, Stephen, you know why I organised today?
00:50:47Because I know what it's like to have someone.
00:50:48I mean, it all fell apart and that was hard.
00:50:50Really hard.
00:50:52But I'd give anything to have another go at it.
00:50:54Would you?
00:50:55Why?
00:50:56He's right, Stephen.
00:50:57I've been at the top and the bottom.
00:50:59It's worth it, mate.
00:51:14What was that sound?
00:51:15He makes his own CDs.
00:51:16He's very good.
00:51:18Little brother.
00:51:19How goes it?
00:51:20Yes, good.
00:51:21Good conference as far as conferences go.
00:51:23Okay.
00:51:24Any luck with the dating?
00:51:25I do live in this area too, you know.
00:51:27You'll never hear the end of this, will I?
00:51:29Why, what'd you do?
00:51:30He let one off the hook, mate.
00:51:31Oh, rookie mistake, pumpkin.
00:51:33Got to reel him in like a four-foot snapper, Stephen.
00:51:35I never ever reeled in a four-foot snapper.
00:51:37What did you expect, a virgin party?
00:51:38I thought you didn't want another one.
00:51:39I never had a virgin party.
00:51:41Stephen, you're going to give our family a bad name.
00:51:44And let's face it.
00:51:46Stevie.
00:51:47Your name can't afford to get any worse.
00:51:49Right, so where's this girl?
00:51:51She's gone home.
00:51:52With her mum.
00:51:53Fine, where does she live?
00:51:54No, we don't know.
00:51:55Too bad.
00:51:56Can't say we didn't try, though.
00:51:57I'm sorry.
00:51:59Yeah, I'm sure I smell a pussy nearby.
00:52:02Might be mistaking it for a four-foot snapper.
00:52:04No, I definitely smell a pussy.
00:52:06You can get an ointment for that.
00:52:08She's on Lime Street.
00:52:09Lime Street?
00:52:10More like Lame Street.
00:52:18No, I don't know it.
00:52:20Don't know it?
00:52:21Kim used to live on Lime Street.
00:52:22Used to spend every second night with Kim.
00:52:24Did you and Kim get up to any funny business?
00:52:27Kim's a guy.
00:52:28That's what I'm asking.
00:52:29Hey, that's my faggot younger brother you're talking about there.
00:52:43Lame Street.
00:52:45Lime Street.
00:52:47Classic.
00:53:06I love this city.
00:53:15Man, man, man, man, man, man, man.
00:53:23There's that drought relief.
00:53:26Why do you do that?
00:53:27Back at the conference.
00:53:30Why can't you ever let me have my own thing?
00:53:32I was only messing around.
00:53:34How else am I supposed to have fun around here?
00:53:36Aside from being a wanker, I don't know.
00:53:38What?
00:53:39This baller always has to be on you, eh?
00:53:41Fuck off, I'm driving you to see this girl, aren't I?
00:53:44Yeah, but did you ask me if I wanted to go?
00:53:47Go on, get it off your chest.
00:53:49Don't worry about it, let's go.
00:53:52Do you want to see this girl or not?
00:53:54Well, I'd like to be able to decide for myself.
00:53:57Ooh, sprouted some testicles, huh?
00:53:59Good for you.
00:54:03Fine, what do you want to do?
00:54:05Take me there, just don't get any ideas of your own about her.
00:54:09Mate, I've got a woman.
00:54:11Besides, if she's interested in you, I'm way out of her league.
00:54:15What?
00:54:26Drop me home.
00:54:28You never let me drive your car.
00:54:30It's just because I'm not a very good bloke, you're going to drop me home or what?
00:54:32Hell yeah.
00:54:34Sick of this side of you.
00:54:41I'm going to embarrass myself, aren't I?
00:54:44I'm only ever going to tell you this once, alright?
00:54:46But it's possible a woman could actually like you.
00:54:49Thanks.
00:54:51Don't get carried away, I'm talking relatives, the elderly, Kenny G.
00:54:55Your mother.
00:54:57Our mother? What the fuck's wrong with you, Stevie?
00:54:59Why? She's hot.
00:55:01I know.
00:55:03Too bad Dad got in first, I guess.
00:55:05Yeah.
00:55:07And the whole giving birth to us thing, that's kind of a bit weird, eh?
00:55:10Maybe.
00:55:14Thanks.
00:55:20This was a mistake.
00:55:22You need to go home.
00:55:24I am home.
00:55:26I don't think you're happy.
00:55:28It's nothing to do with being out here.
00:55:30I like it out here. I do.
00:55:32So what then?
00:55:34There's nothing to tell.
00:55:36And besides, you've got enough going on with that.
00:55:40It's my job to worry about you, not the other way around.
00:55:42I don't mind.
00:55:44I do.
00:55:46Because it's affecting you.
00:55:49I know you think you're being strong.
00:55:52But you can let your guard down now, Moon.
00:55:58It wasn't your fault, Mum.
00:56:00None of it.
00:56:03I know.
00:56:08Thanks for your help, guys.
00:56:10It means a lot.
00:56:12Look, I still can't apologise enough for before, guys.
00:56:15I hope there's no hard feelings, Griffo.
00:56:17Who can be bothered with that shit?
00:56:19Your jokes, on the other hand.
00:56:21I thought they were funny.
00:56:23I laughed.
00:56:25Then I felt sick for a bit.
00:56:27Did you hear from your ex-mate?
00:56:29Yeah, not coming.
00:56:31Just here for work, apparently.
00:56:33That sucks.
00:56:35Sorry.
00:56:37Nah, should have seen that coming.
00:56:39Plenty more out there, right?
00:56:42Oh, damn, I think it was so much to take in my phone.
00:56:45This isn't my Care Bear wallpaper.
00:56:47No, it's mine.
00:56:49Only joking.
00:56:51It's Michelle's.
00:56:53I've just got the same wallpaper.
00:56:55Close it.
00:56:57I guess I'll be waiting here.
00:56:59I've got to go that way anyway.
00:57:01You can just follow me if you like.
00:57:03I know where Lime Street is.
00:57:05Lime Street?
00:57:07Yeah, that sounds best.
00:57:08Yeah, that sounds best.
00:57:10Can you guys write the time up?
00:57:12Yeah, go.
00:57:22What? Nothing.
00:57:28Hey, Michelle.
00:57:30Hey, Michelle.
00:57:33Hey, Michelle.
00:57:35Michelle, I've said you're in control.
00:57:39Hey, Michelle, what's Happy Happens?
00:58:05You back at it tomorrow?
00:58:06Yep.
00:58:08Another day of thrills, spills and caffeine pills.
00:58:11Caffeine pills?
00:58:13You only drive four hours a day.
00:58:16Yeah, well, I'll take them when I get home.
00:58:19It gives me a buzz when I redo my crosswords.
00:58:22It's awesome.
00:58:26He was right, you know.
00:58:28Who?
00:58:30You know damn well who.
00:58:32Yeah, well, I was hoping you didn't.
00:58:37I might sell up.
00:58:40What?
00:58:42That's a bit extreme.
00:58:44So what if he was right?
00:58:46What do you mean, so what if he was right?
00:58:48You'd want to do something about it, wouldn't you?
00:58:50Yeah, well, what are you going to do?
00:58:52I don't know. Anything.
00:58:54I just don't want to hate this place.
00:58:56This was our escape, you know?
00:58:58It's lonely out here.
00:59:00Yeah.
00:59:02So come with me then.
00:59:04What?
00:59:06I need to get over to a pottery store or something.
00:59:08Pottery store?
00:59:10Yeah, why not?
00:59:12You've lost it, John. Snap out of it.
00:59:14Ow!
00:59:16Feel better?
00:59:18No.
00:59:20You?
00:59:22Oh, that smarts.
00:59:36Hi.
00:59:44Confident.
00:59:46Confident.
00:59:48Confident.
00:59:50Hi, Stevie.
00:59:52Oh, is this your house?
00:59:54This one, this is your house, eh?
00:59:56Confident, remember?
00:59:58Come on, come inside.
01:00:06Hi, Stevie.
01:00:08Oh, Stephen, is Michelle around?
01:00:10Who?
01:00:12Mum, in here, Stevie.
01:00:22Mum, I think there's someone out the front.
01:00:25No, can't see anyone.
01:00:27No, the other front.
01:00:30Mum, just go away.
01:00:32Oh, um, actually, no, I think I can see you.
01:00:37So, what's going on?
01:00:39Nothing much, you?
01:00:41You came here to ask me that?
01:00:43No, but might as well ask you that now I'm here.
01:00:47It's a nice house you've got here.
01:00:49Very cosy.
01:00:51Yeah, and we got it for a steal, too, because it's haunted.
01:00:53Oh, really?
01:00:55No, it's just a superstition.
01:00:57I mean, the way it's set up,
01:00:58it's just a superstition.
01:01:00I mean, the walls bleed from time to time,
01:01:02and you can hear a strange chanting coming from the conservatory.
01:01:05But that's just the way they built the houses in those days.
01:01:10Get out.
01:01:14Look, is there something we need to talk about?
01:01:16Because I'm pretty busy.
01:01:18Oh, I'm designing a website.
01:01:20We're becoming an e-roadhouse.
01:01:22If you order a Chico roll now, I can have it to you by Wednesday.
01:01:24$2.95 plus freight.
01:01:26Freight's $29.95.
01:01:28I'd rather not talk about Chico rolls anymore.
01:01:30That's because you don't understand them like I do.
01:01:34OK, sorry.
01:01:36What's going on?
01:01:38Well, I came here because I just wanted to apologise.
01:01:41I know I touched a nerve with that joke before,
01:01:43and I'm sorry.
01:01:45It was inappropriate.
01:01:47Look, my dad tried to run my mum over with his car.
01:01:49And there was some other stuff, too,
01:01:51but it's mainly the car thing.
01:01:53Oh, sorry.
01:01:55It's OK.
01:01:56You didn't try and run my mum over, did you?
01:01:58No.
01:02:00Well, maybe a little, I don't know.
01:02:02You set me up for that.
01:02:04Yeah, I did, but you'd think you'd learn.
01:02:06You would think so, wouldn't you?
01:02:08Look, the truth is, I kind of wanted you to screw things up.
01:02:10I mean, I make jokes about dad all the time.
01:02:12Mostly just to shit mum.
01:02:14She's so lucky to have you.
01:02:16Isn't she?
01:02:18I'm just not in the habit of giving guys chances.
01:02:20I don't like being let down.
01:02:22So, I kind of look for reasons to tell guys to piss off.
01:02:23Ah, especially losers, right?
01:02:25Hey, I said I was sorry.
01:02:27You're not that much of a loser,
01:02:29but you do throw the towel in awfully quickly.
01:02:31Yeah, well, it kind of made more sense this way, though.
01:02:33You know, I'm pretty comfortable
01:02:35with the old failure with women.
01:02:38God, I am a loser.
01:02:40Yeah, you are.
01:02:42So, you gonna come and see me then?
01:02:44Yeah, sure.
01:02:47You OK?
01:02:49Yeah.
01:02:51No.
01:02:54Fine.
01:02:59You know, truth is,
01:03:01I wouldn't even know what to do with a girlfriend if I had one.
01:03:03Neither would I, but it helps.
01:03:05Hey, we could look it up on the internet.
01:03:07You're a great help.
01:03:11OK, I've got an idea.
01:03:13Let's just start completely fresh.
01:03:15I don't think we...
01:03:17Stephen, we'll never change if we don't confront our fears.
01:03:19Is this the bit where I get locked in a room full of snakes
01:03:21or, like, trapped in an elevator with John Butler or something?
01:03:23Snakes.
01:03:25OK.
01:03:27Hi, I'm Michelle.
01:03:29I have some issues with guys,
01:03:31but I think you're OK.
01:03:33Hi, I'm Stephen.
01:03:35I'm a loser, but I'm OK with it.
01:03:37Oh, and I definitely think you're OK.
01:03:39See? Doesn't that make you feel better?
01:03:54We're not kissing.
01:03:56No. No, we're not. No.
01:03:58That's gross. You can get AIDS from that shit.
01:04:00Good, I'm relieved.
01:04:02I'm not looking for a boyfriend.
01:04:04Not yet.
01:04:06You came speed dating.
01:04:08Yeah, I want to meet some people.
01:04:10In case you haven't noticed, it's not very easy out here.
01:04:12So, can we just hang out then?
01:04:14Yeah.
01:04:16And what?
01:04:18You just want to hang out?
01:04:20That's it. Just hang out.
01:04:21That's all you want?
01:04:23That's all.
01:04:25Stephen! You should have told me you were gay!
01:04:27No, no, no.
01:04:29You don't get it, so you're going to fall in love with me eventually.
01:04:31Oh, don't hold your breath!
01:04:33Yeah, I know. You will.
01:04:35You've come a long way from that guy who was pumping himself up in the car a minute ago.
01:04:37Is that a wanking reference?
01:04:39No. Why would it be?
01:04:41Depends how long you were standing there, I guess.
01:04:43Ew!
01:04:45So you're actually going to stay out here?
01:04:47Yeah, for a while at least. You?
01:04:49Yeah.
01:04:51You're an idiot.
01:04:53Am I an idiot, Michelle, or am I a stud burger?
01:04:55You're an idiot.
01:04:57Maybe.
01:05:01You take care of yourself, eh?
01:05:04I'll come say something.
01:05:21I'm sorry.
01:05:51I'm sorry.
01:06:21Oh, it's just a rat.
01:06:23There's plenty more.
01:06:25I top myself?
01:06:27No such luck, I'm afraid.
01:06:29If I hadn't done it before today, what makes you think I'd do it now?
01:06:31Anyway, we've got this pottery store to start up.
01:06:34Why shoot a rat?
01:06:36I don't know. I like taking business off Kingsley.
01:06:38Anyway, I'm going to get back to your pub.
01:06:41If I get there and you're not there to serve me a beer,
01:06:43I might have to get my gun out again.
01:06:48I'm going to have to get something else for my pottery store.
01:06:52Bye.
01:07:17Well, she is popular today.
01:07:19She took my phone.
01:07:21Are you?
01:07:22Yeah, that's right.
01:07:23Well, hi, I'm Michelle's mum.
01:07:24Oh, sorry, Leah. You can call me Leah.
01:07:26No problem. Nice to meet you, Leah.
01:07:27You too.
01:07:28This is Jason.
01:07:29Hi, Jason.
01:07:30Hi. Can I still call you Michelle's mum?
01:07:32Well, if she's got his phone, what are you doing here?
01:07:36Oh, he's not from around here. I'm just making sure he finds a place.
01:07:38Oh, that's sweet.
01:07:39That is sweet.
01:07:40Oh, shut up, mate. I'm not that sweet.
01:07:42Well, look, Michelle's through here. Do you want to come and grab a drink or something?
01:07:48This is getting embarrassing, boys.
01:07:49Oh, you took my phone. I've got yours.
01:07:53Right, well, I'd better get home and write a few thousand words about something.
01:07:56You're not going to write about the split dating?
01:07:58No. You know I still want me to.
01:08:00Probably not.
01:08:01I didn't think so.
01:08:03Well, thanks for that and it was great to meet you all.
01:08:05Make sure you invite me to the next one.
01:08:07Thanks.
01:08:08Thanks.
01:08:09Bye.
01:08:10Bye.
01:08:11See ya.
01:08:12Is this a house?
01:08:14It was a daycare or something until recently, I think.
01:08:16Well, where are the cages?
01:08:17What?
01:08:19Oh, I must have gone to a different daycare.
01:08:22Anyway, thanks, mate.
01:08:24It was nice to have a cool head there today.
01:08:26I guess that's why you found someone, eh, you lucky bastard?
01:08:28Lucky?
01:08:29It's all well over, mate.
01:08:31I'm not even living there at the moment.
01:08:32What?
01:08:34It's not working.
01:08:35We're just going through the motions.
01:08:37You still love her?
01:08:38I don't know.
01:08:39I used to.
01:08:41I guess so.
01:08:42I said some things I shouldn't have said.
01:08:44Then apologise.
01:08:45I said one again.
01:08:46Is this you winning?
01:08:47I've got to have my dignity.
01:08:48Dignity?
01:08:50You just watched a handful of middle-aged blokes spend their afternoon doing speed dating.
01:08:54You think there's dignity in that?
01:08:55Come on, you wouldn't understand.
01:08:56I understand.
01:08:57I've been there too, mate.
01:08:58A long time ago now.
01:08:59Yeah.
01:09:00This is what dignity's worth.
01:09:01Sorry.
01:09:02Sorry, Kingsley.
01:09:03That's not me.
01:09:05Course not.
01:09:06Didn't used to be me either.
01:09:08All the best, mate.
01:09:15By the way,
01:09:18I think it's great what you're trying to do for the place.
01:09:20Oh, thanks.
01:09:21It didn't really work out.
01:09:23Um, well look, if you're ever going to do one of those speed dating things again,
01:09:27and you can't find anyone else,
01:09:31I'll go with you.
01:09:32Oh, that's not really how speed dating works.
01:09:33You're not really supposed to tag.
01:09:35Yeah.
01:09:37Sorry about that.
01:09:38I don't often talk to...
01:09:40I'd like that.
01:09:42I'll drop in and say hi sometime.
01:09:44Okay.
01:09:52What was that?
01:09:53Oh.
01:09:54It was just rubbish.
01:09:56I'll see you around.
01:09:57Okay.
01:09:58Bye.
01:10:01Don't call me dad.
01:10:03You're a shitster.
01:10:13Bye.
01:10:30Hi.
01:10:32Heloise.
01:10:34Heloise, it's me.
01:10:38I want to see you.
01:10:39Oh.
01:10:42Yeah, I'll miss you.
01:10:46That's it, boy.
01:10:48Thanks.
01:11:01You're welcome.
01:11:04You wear a jacket.
01:11:09Thanks.
01:11:21You guys.
01:11:39Come on.
01:12:10Steven's pretty cute, though.
01:12:11Yeah, but mum, he's the biggest loser in the world.
01:12:18I'm taking you to dinner tomorrow night.
01:12:20You ready at seven?
01:12:30Okay.
01:12:32Great.
01:12:40Bye, dad.
01:12:42Shut up, you.
01:13:10I was never in the right frame of mind
01:13:12When I told you the truth
01:13:14I told you that I need you
01:13:16We were never on the same page
01:13:18I was never in the right frame of mind
01:13:20When I told you the truth
01:13:22I told you that I need you
01:13:24I was never in the right frame of mind
01:13:26When I told you the truth
01:13:28I told you that I need you
01:13:30I was never in the right frame of mind
01:13:32When I told you the truth
01:13:34I told you that I need you
01:13:36We were never on the same page
01:13:38Never on the right track
01:13:40From the very start
01:13:42You broke in harder
01:13:45Little misguided youth
01:13:49But now it's old news
01:13:53Was it something I said
01:13:56While we were having a good time
01:14:01If I could do it all over again
01:14:04Is he saying about the breakup?
01:14:06This is it.
01:14:07Who's he?
01:14:08Kingsley.
01:14:09Sorry, guys.
01:14:12Hi, I'm Steve.
01:14:13You're Kingsley?
01:14:14Fine.
01:14:20Did he bring his tie?
01:14:21Oh, fuck. Sorry.
01:14:24Her name is Wine.
01:14:25Wow.
01:14:26Jesus.
01:14:29You have to take it seriously.
01:14:30What?
01:14:31Oh, God.
01:14:33What?
01:14:34Oh, what?
01:14:38What?
01:14:41Chase.
01:14:42Okay.
01:14:43Shh.
01:14:44I'm trying to act.
01:14:46Are you drunk?
01:14:49What, this?
01:14:50Yeah.
01:14:51It just helps me think.
01:14:53Drink.
01:14:54Oh, for fuck's sake.
01:15:08What the fuck?
01:15:23Bang.
01:15:24No.
01:15:29What?
01:15:31Mr. Bragg?
01:15:32Are you playing ball?
01:15:35What?
01:15:37Did you think I'd top myself?
01:15:41Steven, I didn't mean to think you should stuff that up.
01:15:47Is everything okay?
01:15:49I smiled.
01:15:50Shit, I'm sorry.
01:15:54Hey.
01:15:55Are we going to finish this thing off?
01:15:57Yeah, in a second.
01:16:02I'm really sorry.
01:16:03I don't even need this for sound.
01:16:07Hey.
01:16:08Is everything okay?
01:16:10Yeah, in a second.
01:16:11Just had to sort a few things out.
01:16:17I didn't say the right line.
01:16:18Cutting.
01:16:23Hey.
01:16:24Are we going to finish this thing off?
01:16:26Yeah, in a second.
01:16:29Everything okay?
01:16:32When you're ready.
01:16:36Bang.