00:00I'm just tired. Tired of all this dating bullshit. I'm just ready to be done. I just want to go out, find someone great, and spend the rest of my life with her.
00:09Why the hell would you want to do something stupid like that?
00:12You ever tried going online? You know, a lot of desperate people meet a lot of other desperate people and get married and stuff.
00:18I kind of met someone. We're going out tomorrow.
00:21You really like this girl, don't you?
00:23Yeah. Actually, I do. I mean, at first all I could think about was just wanting to give her a Houdini, but...
00:29What's a Houdini?
00:30What the hell is an Abe Lincoln?
00:32It's when you're taking a girl doggie style ride and you're about to finish, and then you bust on the girl's face, and you pull out, and you spit on her back.
00:39I stick my fist up somebody's ass, then I dig my...
00:42Kevin, that is so disgusting.
00:45I'm sorry, you said her name was Danielle?
00:47The girl I'm seeing is named Danielle, so...
00:49Oh, this is gonna be fun!
00:52Let's do this. See who she chooses.
00:54You want to compete with me for her?
00:55No, I don't know about the Danielle you went out with a few years ago, but the one I went out with the other night was classy and sophisticated.
01:01Classy and sophisticated, huh?
01:07If you really want to win a cute girl's heart, take her home, put her down.
01:10Whoa, whoa, whoa. I don't want to get into her heart. I want to get into her pants.
01:13Look, at the end of the night, you walk her out the door, say all the cute stuff.
01:18I had a nice time.
01:20And go in slowly for a closed mouth kiss. No open mouth.
01:24Oh, God, I don't know.
01:26You're finished if you don't, man.
01:28She's just some girl. Let's just figure out the whole thing.
01:30May the best man win.
