- 12 years ago
Not Rated | 1h 23min | Comedy | 3 July 2003 (USA)
A comedy, partially based on a true story, of twin sisters who struggle to get their screenplay produced in Hollywood and directed by the legendary Steven Speil"stein". Bad jobs, depressing auditions, and even worse connections occur as they stumble along their journey, until finally they meet this man....
Directors: Jacqueline Donelli, Kerry Donelli
Writers: Jacqueline Donelli, Kerry Donelli
Stars: Teresa Berkin, Mitch Berlow, Claudine Claudio
A comedy, partially based on a true story, of twin sisters who struggle to get their screenplay produced in Hollywood and directed by the legendary Steven Speil"stein". Bad jobs, depressing auditions, and even worse connections occur as they stumble along their journey, until finally they meet this man....
Directors: Jacqueline Donelli, Kerry Donelli
Writers: Jacqueline Donelli, Kerry Donelli
Stars: Teresa Berkin, Mitch Berlow, Claudine Claudio
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00All right, ladies, why did you go in the first place?
00:00:18And why don't we start from the beginning?
00:00:25From the beginning, huh?
00:00:29Yeah, I guess that would be best.
00:00:32It was back when we came in.
00:00:36A couple of years ago, when we started going, um...
00:00:40Why don't you go ahead?
00:00:41Thanks.
00:00:44We really couldn't see any choice in the matter.
00:00:47Basically, we did everything we could in New York to break into the business, and we'd been waiting tables for a long time.
00:00:55Just praying for the big break to come along.
00:00:57Praying for the big break?
00:01:00We weren't exactly praying. We busted our asses off.
00:01:02If you'd let me finish.
00:01:05We did everything we could to break into the business, from theater to showcases, a few commercials, a couple of shitty films.
00:01:12That's for sure.
00:01:14Remember the one where we played the two-headed monster, and you didn't want to wear the green...
00:01:17Let's not go there.
00:01:21Well, in any case, the only real progress we made was getting the Friday and Saturday night shifts at Pepina's Pizzeria.
00:01:27Yeah, let's just say we were getting increasingly more frustrated.
00:01:29And, quite frankly, even more depressed.
00:01:31Yeah. Well...
00:01:34One of those fine days,
00:01:36sucking over a pint in Ben and Jerry's...
00:01:38Or two.
00:01:38I said to Sherry...
00:01:40I said, what the hell are we thinking?
00:01:43Why don't we just write our own goddamn script?
00:01:45Actually, I think that was my idea.
00:01:47No, it wasn't, but anyway...
00:01:48Yes, it was.
00:01:49Anyway...
00:01:52The two of us...
00:01:54had this great idea for a story, and started writing...
00:01:57We started writing what we felt was a pretty damn good screenplay.
00:02:00That's right.
00:02:01And that's when it all just hit me.
00:02:04Us.
00:02:04Us.
00:02:06Well, that, number one, we were clearly in the wrong town.
00:02:09And number two...
00:02:10As far as our screenplay is concerned,
00:02:12there was only one man.
00:02:14But one man who was capable of directing it.
00:02:24Once upon a time, I would have said I don't need it.
00:02:31But if it's mine, I've got to tell you it'd be better that way.
00:02:38We could cry, we could fight, and lie,
00:02:44cause we could always get high,
00:02:47if every cry and smile there is a greedy soul.
00:02:54In the springs, we'll do it up like they used to.
00:02:59Night stars, a silver doubt from an 80s flick.
00:03:06Don't be shocked, I'm just adapting to this civilized existence.
00:03:14I want it all.
00:03:17Who I owe it to.
00:03:19So I'mma try it all.
00:03:22I want it all.
00:03:25Who I owe it to.
00:03:27So I'mma try it all.
00:03:29Sleepless dreams,
00:03:31vinyl lust and fire.
00:03:36Candy rats,
00:03:38we're angels from the subterranean world.
00:03:43Don't be shy,
00:03:45let fear dissolve for this civilized existence.
00:03:51I want it all.
00:03:53Who I owe it to.
00:03:55So I'mma try it all.
00:03:58I want it all.
00:04:00Who I owe it to.
00:04:02So I'mma try it all.
00:04:05I want it all.
00:04:07Who I owe it to.
00:04:09So I'mma try it all.
00:04:12I want it all.
00:04:15Who I owe it to.
00:04:17So I'mma try it all.
00:04:20I want it all.
00:04:22Who I owe it to.
00:04:30Want some breakfast?
00:04:32No, I'm good, thanks.
00:04:33Suit yourself.
00:04:35Oh, good one.
00:04:36Jan, here's a promising job offer.
00:04:38Tired of the waitressing circuit?
00:04:40Need a refreshing change?
00:04:42Call us now at 1-800-BIG-HOOTERS.
00:04:45Guess that leaves you out of job.
00:04:48Things are going, you might want to look into it.
00:04:50What's the money look like?
00:04:54Okay, so it's about two or three weeks now.
00:04:56We were running out of money,
00:04:58and we were desperately looking for waitressing jobs.
00:05:00However, we were trying to remain focused on our screenplay.
00:05:03Frankly, I couldn't understand why we couldn't just cut to the chase
00:05:06and hand Spilstein the goddamn script.
00:05:08Hand him the script, huh?
00:05:10Sure, we'll just walk right up to Steven,
00:05:13after, of course, he just jumped the fence,
00:05:15knocked obscurity past the attack dogs.
00:05:17Then we'll ring the bell and, smiling sweetly,
00:05:20ask the butler if he'd mind fetching Steven
00:05:22while we wait in the kitchen, sipping tea.
00:05:25Steven, just hanging around at home, of course,
00:05:28would gladly read our script,
00:05:30because after all, he's got nothing better to do.
00:05:33It's fucking perfect.
00:05:35Yeah.
00:05:37Give me the goddamn paper.
00:05:46Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:05:49Yeah.
00:05:51Okay.
00:05:53Okay, so we're starting off with a few challenges,
00:05:56like how we're gonna eat tomorrow.
00:05:59Okay, that's one of them.
00:06:05Remember when we were little?
00:06:08I think we were in the third or fourth grade,
00:06:10and the fire department held a contest
00:06:12that whoever thought of the best fire prevention poster
00:06:14would win a ride up in that fire engine lift?
00:06:17Yeah, those were the good old days.
00:06:20Well, I remember saying to you,
00:06:21what were my chances of winning?
00:06:23And I remember you said to me,
00:06:25if you really believed in your poster,
00:06:27and you gave it your all,
00:06:29well, you'd have as good a shot as any.
00:06:33And I'll never forget the day
00:06:35the firemen called the winner's name.
00:06:38You won that goddamn contest.
00:06:42And when you were on that lift,
00:06:45waving your trophy to everyone,
00:06:50I felt so ashamed of myself
00:06:52for not having the courage to try.
00:06:56You know, you actually taught me something for once,
00:07:00and I don't need to learn it twice.
00:07:03Look, there are no guarantees,
00:07:07but I am gonna bust my ass off trying.
00:07:12Damn, that fireman was cute.
00:07:17You know, I'm gonna go ahead
00:07:19and let you get away with that one.
00:07:22Just tonight.
00:07:25Yeah.
00:07:27Yeah.
00:07:29Yeah.
00:07:41Uh, it's the door.
00:07:51All right, all right, I'm coming, hold on.
00:07:55Good morning.
00:07:57Morning.
00:07:58Oh, my goodness.
00:08:00Twins.
00:08:03And don't we look pretty?
00:08:07What is it they say?
00:08:08Double your pleasure?
00:08:11That's a good one.
00:08:13My name is Brian, I'm your next-door neighbor.
00:08:16Hi, Brian.
00:08:17Hi.
00:08:18I was hoping you ladies were a little bit hunkier
00:08:20and on my team.
00:08:21Oh, but what the heck, we'll get along just fine.
00:08:25Now, what are your names?
00:08:26I'm sherry, and this is jane.
00:08:28What time is it?
00:08:29It's 8 o'clock.
00:08:30It's a pleasure to meet you.
00:08:31Oh, it's 9 o'clock, and the pleasure's mine.
00:08:34Well, now.
00:08:35Come in.
00:08:43Um, call me crazy,
00:08:45but didn't I see two men in here earlier?
00:08:47Oh, yeah.
00:08:48Uh?
00:08:49Those were the movers.
00:08:50Oh.
00:08:51Well, now.
00:08:54Looks like you two have got yourselves
00:08:56a nice little pad here.
00:08:59Yeah, well, we think so.
00:09:00We've been working with it.
00:09:02Oh, I almost forgot.
00:09:04I baked this just for you two.
00:09:05Oh, great.
00:09:07Well, actually, I got it for christmas,
00:09:08but what the fuck.
00:09:11Thanks.
00:09:12Well, I'm right next door,
00:09:15so just knock if you need anything,
00:09:17and let me...
00:09:18Oh, well, thanks for the, uh, fruitcake.
00:09:22Do you know any place we can get
00:09:23a waitressing job around here?
00:09:24Hmm.
00:09:27I think I can help you.
00:09:30If you can put up with all the...
00:09:33assholes.
00:09:35Okay, ladies.
00:09:36The name of the game here is money,
00:09:38and we're all here to make some, right?
00:09:40So let me tell you the rules here.
00:09:42First off, you've got to know how to work the room.
00:09:44You scan it.
00:09:45You learn who's who.
00:09:47The regulars, you kiss ass,
00:09:48learn what they want,
00:09:49and you'll never get a bad tip.
00:09:50Forests, you're one-timers?
00:09:52Tag on a dollar per drink.
00:09:53That's yours to keep, honey.
00:09:55And now the room.
00:09:57See that couple of gentlemen over there
00:09:58with their wives?
00:09:59Bombay martini drinkers.
00:10:00Chills, straight up.
00:10:01Never let them hold an empty glass.
00:10:03Off the record,
00:10:04I've slept with three out of four of them,
00:10:05and I don't mean their wives.
00:10:07Big motorcycle boy over there,
00:10:09to your right.
00:10:13Double jacks, straight up,
00:10:14Guinness back.
00:10:16He's a five-dollar drink tipper.
00:10:18Keep him double-fisted at all times.
00:10:20Oh, and for your information,
00:10:21you can catch him every Thursday
00:10:22at Whiparound's transvestite night.
00:10:24Pink panties, pink toenails,
00:10:26pink pumps, the whole works.
00:10:29Man over there, bald.
00:10:31Pina colada drinker.
00:10:32Tip so-so.
00:10:34Oh, and by the way,
00:10:35he's a she,
00:10:37which explains the tip.
00:10:39Well, you'll get the gist.
00:10:43Hey, girl, love your hair.
00:10:48Oh, mistake.
00:10:52Now that'll cost you.
00:10:54Thank you, honey.
00:10:55One for me, and one for you, too.
00:10:58Honey, if you're gonna cop a cheap feel,
00:11:00you can't be so damn cheap.
00:11:04Now that's better.
00:11:05Give me that.
00:11:06Now work it, girls.
00:11:13So I said to those girls,
00:11:15you can't be working here
00:11:16for dimes and nickels.
00:11:18Oh, let me tell you,
00:11:20I'm so glad I don't work
00:11:21in that disgusting,
00:11:22bust-your-ass-off business anymore.
00:11:25As a matter of fact,
00:11:26I have my own little business
00:11:27on the side
00:11:28that is going extremely well,
00:11:30thank you.
00:11:31I sell these incredible herbs
00:11:32and vitamins that are just fabulous
00:11:34and would do absolute wonders
00:11:35for your bags.
00:11:38Oh.
00:11:41Well, anyway,
00:11:44the night wasn't a total waste.
00:11:47At least not for Jane.
00:11:49She met some guy.
00:11:52He's cute,
00:11:54but a short motherfucker.
00:12:11That was Jane's night.
00:12:13Unfortunately, mine didn't go so well.
00:12:20Well, I probably overreacted,
00:12:22but I didn't know he was my boss.
00:12:28Let's just put it this way, honey.
00:12:30Every time his chubby little
00:12:31wandering hands went near me,
00:12:33I'd make his drink
00:12:34just a little extra special.
00:12:40Whoa!
00:12:43Loved every last drop of it.
00:12:45Ladies, I don't get mad.
00:12:47I get even.
00:12:49That's deep.
00:12:50Okay, okay, don't panic.
00:12:51We'll figure something out.
00:12:54And why did you get fired?
00:12:56Unfortunately, when you fire one twin,
00:12:58the other one's automatically out.
00:13:00Personally, I'd kill her.
00:13:02Thanks, buddy.
00:13:03Now, let's see.
00:13:04What can we get you two that will...
00:13:06Oh!
00:13:08Oh, I got a job for you two.
00:13:10Well, actually, I just started with it,
00:13:12but I think the potential to make some money
00:13:13is just astronomical.
00:13:15We're not talking, um,
00:13:16drug dealing or prostitution, are we?
00:13:18Because we're not above that.
00:13:21No.
00:13:22No, what I'm talking about here, ladies,
00:13:24is something you two should consider
00:13:25taking for yourselves.
00:13:27It's called Vitalife.
00:13:29And let me tell you,
00:13:30their products will do wonders for you two.
00:13:32Thanks, I'll take that as a compliment.
00:13:34You don't want to push that shit on us,
00:13:35and we'll pull a remembrance.
00:13:37Okay, suit yourselves.
00:13:43It's healthy for you anyway.
00:13:46So, what happened with Tiny Tim last night?
00:13:50Oh, nothing really.
00:13:51Went out for a cup of coffee.
00:13:53Good conversation.
00:14:00Nice guy.
00:14:01Nice guy, whatever.
00:14:03Small hands, small feet.
00:14:06Doesn't take a rocket scientist
00:14:07to figure out the rest of that equation.
00:14:10Now, ladies, these,
00:14:13these are something worth wasting your time for.
00:14:18Your dirty underwear.
00:14:25Huge.
00:14:27I mean, I was in regular for a week and a half.
00:14:31Oh, he was fabulous.
00:14:37Or was I?
00:14:39Oh, so I told Jane, go ahead.
00:14:42Date that cute little boy.
00:14:45Or honey, you'll have the nicest males in town.
00:14:49Because God knows you'll be fouling them enough in the sack.
00:14:54Okay, my other option is sitting home Saturday night
00:14:56with my chronically PMSing twin sister.
00:15:00Or a big flaming fairy.
00:15:04Good point.
00:15:06Hey, I got it.
00:15:08Why don't you try waiting tables at that,
00:15:10that little restaurant, what is it?
00:15:12TJ's.
00:15:13Now that's probably a little more your speed.
00:15:22At Brian's recommendation,
00:15:23we did get that job at TJ's restaurant.
00:15:26And we met our best friend in the whole world.
00:15:29Lovely girl.
00:15:30A real mover and shaker.
00:15:32A real...
00:15:34Sweetheart.
00:15:42Christ, what the hell are you doing?
00:15:44Looking up doctors.
00:15:45Why?
00:15:46I think I need Prozac.
00:15:48You gonna let her do this?
00:15:49Well, I tried, but I had no luck.
00:15:51Hi, Lily, table 21 needs more coffee.
00:15:54Right, all right, I'll be right there.
00:15:56I mean, Jane and I have done everything we can think of
00:15:58to get an agent,
00:15:59short of sleeping with one,
00:16:00and even I consider that.
00:16:02I mean, first we tried going to see these agents.
00:16:04Big mistake.
00:16:05All they said was...
00:16:07Ladies, don't bother us.
00:16:09Send us your pictures,
00:16:10we'll call you if we're interested.
00:16:12So we did.
00:16:14To the tune of 200.
00:16:16No response.
00:16:17Well, no.
00:16:18Except for one,
00:16:19who basically told us...
00:16:20Twins?
00:16:21You two look nothing alike.
00:16:23Which brings us to plan B.
00:16:25We started auditioning for shows
00:16:26we got through the trade papers.
00:16:27Yeah, well, take Last Night, for instance.
00:16:30There I was.
00:16:31Waited two hours for this one.
00:16:33Role was perfect for me.
00:16:35I was to play the miserable bitch.
00:16:38Oh, Heather, darling.
00:16:42Darling, darling, darling.
00:16:45I love you.
00:16:46I love you.
00:16:48But you know I can't possibly play the role.
00:16:51I'm the producer.
00:16:53The director.
00:16:54I'm running the lights.
00:16:57Heather, darling, I'm no actor.
00:17:00No shit.
00:17:02But darling, my love, I...
00:17:04I can't go on without you.
00:17:06Why, my love is like a...
00:17:07Shh!
00:17:08Speak no more.
00:17:10I've waited a long time for this.
00:17:15Now kiss me.
00:17:26It's been so long
00:17:29since we had a special time to chat together.
00:17:32It's been so soothing and comforting for me.
00:17:35I know.
00:17:36Me.
00:17:38You.
00:17:40And this lovely moment together.
00:17:42Yeah, well...
00:17:44Now kiss me.
00:17:52Over my dead body.
00:17:55Thank you, Sherry.
00:17:57Howard, can you stay?
00:18:03It was a nightmare.
00:18:05All right, all right, all right.
00:18:06What, have you been here seven weeks?
00:18:08Christ, what the hell do you expect?
00:18:10They're, um, calling the coffee cups up.
00:18:13All right, all right, I'll be right there.
00:18:15Besides, ladies, I loved your script.
00:18:19Wonderful, we got Lily's approval.
00:18:21And I think there's a great role in there for me.
00:18:23Maybe someone different for the hooker.
00:18:25I wasn't talking about that role.
00:18:27Now, in any case, my new manager, who I've been...
00:18:29Whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:18:30You got a manager?
00:18:32Yeah, I got a manager.
00:18:34As of last weekend, and let me tell you,
00:18:36he's awesome.
00:18:37Yeah, but how is he as a manager?
00:18:39Very funny.
00:18:40Now, you two comedians gonna hear me out or not?
00:18:44Good.
00:18:45Now, I'm gonna give my manager a call,
00:18:47have him set up an interview with you two,
00:18:49he'll take a look at your stuff, and, uh,
00:18:51we'll see what happens.
00:18:52Lily, you sure he's gonna listen to you
00:18:53after only a romp in the hay?
00:18:56I know he will.
00:18:58Wow, Lily, this is, this is really nice of you.
00:19:01It sure is.
00:19:03And, um, um, we're psyched.
00:19:06It's just that, um...
00:19:09You want to tell him?
00:19:10Uh...
00:19:11What?
00:19:12Uh, Lily, the, uh, they're really waiting...
00:19:15For the fucking coffee.
00:19:17Right, right, right.
00:19:18It's just gonna get right on in.
00:19:20No problem.
00:19:21Anyway, well, just for shits and giggles,
00:19:24we're really banking on trying to get our movie produced.
00:19:27Your movie produced?
00:19:28And, uh, well...
00:19:32Directed by Steven Spielstein.
00:19:36Directed by Steven Spielstein?
00:19:39The Steven Spielstein?
00:19:41That's right.
00:19:44Okay.
00:19:46Spielstein, huh?
00:19:49Give me a minute.
00:19:52All right.
00:19:53Your movie's great.
00:19:55It could really make us all big.
00:19:56No shit.
00:19:58All right, we need some connections here.
00:20:01Tony's got friends.
00:20:03Producer friends.
00:20:05The whole shit.
00:20:07Ladies, we can do this.
00:20:09We're gonna find this Mr. Steven Spielstein.
00:20:11We're gonna find him, and we're gonna titillate
00:20:13the goddamn motherfucking pants
00:20:15off this Mr. Steven Spielstein.
00:20:18Yeah, titillate.
00:20:21Yeah.
00:20:24Yeah, titillate.
00:20:32I can't work with you.
00:20:34First of all, the two of you look like
00:20:36Mary Poppins and Mrs. Brady.
00:20:38I couldn't save you for nothing but hosting romp room.
00:20:41Second, the two of you need to look.
00:20:44Do anything crazy.
00:20:45Cut your hair, diet, false eyelashes.
00:20:47Whatever.
00:20:48But you gotta make my dick hard.
00:20:50Know what I'm talking about?
00:20:51Yeah, I think.
00:20:52Oh, yeah, and you gotta cut some weight.
00:20:54How much?
00:20:5510, 15 pounds?
00:20:56We shit together a month, two.
00:20:58You call me.
00:21:00Oh, yeah.
00:21:01Don't lose your tits.
00:21:02I like your tits.
00:21:05Tony to model management.
00:21:09I think it was the day we had the Sunday together.
00:21:13Shit.
00:21:14I mean, something really, like, clicked.
00:21:17I really got through to them, you know?
00:21:20Fuck, you got a cigarette on you?
00:21:24Yeah, fuck you, too.
00:21:26Lily's here.
00:21:37Christ, what the hell are you doing?
00:21:39Your manager hated us.
00:21:40He thought we were all wrong for the business.
00:21:45Just a few minor things.
00:21:46Our look, our clothes, our thighs.
00:21:49Everything, you name it.
00:21:51Well, now look at you two.
00:21:53You two are pathetic.
00:21:58Because one asshole turned you down?
00:22:03You two should be ashamed.
00:22:05Now you listen to me.
00:22:07Understand this, and understand this well.
00:22:09You are a product in this business.
00:22:11Nothing but a product, and you are selling a product.
00:22:15Take the sundae, for example.
00:22:17Several parts to the sundae, correct?
00:22:19Correct.
00:22:20You got the whipped cream, three balls of ice cream,
00:22:22and then, of course, nuts and a cherry.
00:22:26Yeah, well, cherry's missing here.
00:22:28Now, we need to sell this sundae, correct?
00:22:30Correct.
00:22:31So we put it together real nice.
00:22:33Each of its separate parts make it a perfect whole.
00:22:37Starting to get the picture here?
00:22:38Not at all.
00:22:40What I mean is, in order to sell this terrific-looking sundae,
00:22:44each separate part is important in making this a terrific-looking sundae.
00:22:48Capisce?
00:22:51So, for instance, in order to be the actress, the sundae, the product,
00:22:58you must have all the separate parts,
00:23:00the whipped cream, the ice cream, the topping, et cetera, perfect.
00:23:03Whipped cream?
00:23:04Topping, your clothes, your hair, your talent, your body, et cetera, perfect.
00:23:08Look, if your hair looks like shit,
00:23:11well, then, that part of the product is not doing its job, right?
00:23:14And then, you're a little out of shape, and your clothes are all wrong,
00:23:18and you're sending out shitty headshots, and you're not pushing your script,
00:23:21well, then, this, this is your goddamn lousy-ass product.
00:23:35Do you want to buy this product?
00:23:37Then how could you expect anyone to want to buy you?
00:23:45Now, hurry up and finish.
00:23:51I want to get out of here.
00:23:57Check.
00:24:04C-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c
00:24:34Takin' it, I'm tied up
00:24:37Takin' it, I feel like, feel like breakin' it
00:24:43I'm sorry, we could not address your screenplay at this time.
00:24:48At this time we are understaffed and are unable to open your submission.
00:24:52Please try again at a later date.
00:24:55Thank you and we wish you the best of luck.
00:24:59Takin' it, I'm tied up
00:25:03Takin' it, I'm tied up
00:25:06Takin' it, I feel like
00:25:09Can I tell you a joke?
00:25:10Huh?
00:25:11Hey, what's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
00:25:13What?
00:25:14Forty-five pounds, yeah.
00:25:16Hey, what's the difference between a husband and a boyfriend?
00:25:19What?
00:25:20Forty-five minutes, yeah.
00:25:22Good one.
00:25:24Hey, how come you can't tell bankers any secrets?
00:25:27Uh, why?
00:25:28Cause they're tellers, yeah.
00:25:30Gotta remember that one.
00:25:32Hey, how come roosters don't wear underwear?
00:25:34Uh, I don't know.
00:25:35Why?
00:25:36Cause their peck is on their faces.
00:25:38Peck is on their faces.
00:25:41Hey, you guys actresses?
00:25:43We're trying to be.
00:25:44Oh great, I'm a photographer, I'll make a deal for you.
00:25:46Two for one, yeah, yeah.
00:25:49Yeah.
00:25:50Right.
00:25:51Yeah.
00:26:03Yeah.
00:26:04Yeah.
00:26:05Yeah.
00:26:07Yeah.
00:26:08Yeah.
00:26:09Yeah.
00:26:10Yeah.
00:26:11Yeah.
00:26:12Yeah.
00:26:13Yeah.
00:26:14Yeah.
00:26:15Yeah.
00:26:16Yeah.
00:26:17Yeah.
00:26:18Yeah.
00:26:19Yeah.
00:26:20Yeah.
00:26:21Yeah.
00:26:22Yeah.
00:26:23Yeah.
00:26:24Yeah.
00:26:25Yeah.
00:26:26Yeah.
00:26:27Yeah.
00:26:28Yeah.
00:26:29Yeah.
00:26:30Yeah.
00:26:31Yeah.
00:26:33Yeah.
00:26:39I got it.
00:26:40I got it.
00:26:41Oh!
00:26:47Now I think I can work with you.
00:26:49Really?
00:26:52Yeah.
00:26:58Jane.
00:26:59Do you think we're sort of selling ourselves out?
00:27:03No, I don't think we've strived that high yet.
00:27:06No, I'm serious.
00:27:08Do you think we're sort of, you know, pushing the sexy babe thing a little?
00:27:12No.
00:27:14No, Lily's right.
00:27:16It's what this business is all about.
00:27:21However, I do think you sell out when it comes to guys, though.
00:27:25What the hell is that supposed to mean?
00:27:27I mean you've dated a couple of doozies since we've been out here.
00:27:30Why, because they're short?
00:27:32No, not because they're short.
00:27:34Because they're losers.
00:27:37Did you just say what I think you said?
00:27:40What the hell is my alternative?
00:27:42Sit home like you and wait for the white knight to sweep me off my feet?
00:27:45Doesn't necessarily have to be white.
00:27:48Well, you're going to be one lonely lady waiting for him.
00:27:52I might be lonely, but I'm not desperate.
00:27:56What did you say?
00:27:59Nothing.
00:28:02No, I heard you.
00:28:04And how dare you make me feel inadequate about my choice of men?
00:28:07Yeah, and how dare you tell me to lower my standards?
00:28:10What, am I not good enough?
00:28:12You never said that.
00:28:13Well, you didn't have to.
00:28:15I'm simply pointing out the obvious.
00:28:18Well, but if you're waiting for Mr. Perfect,
00:28:21well then you better put down your crack pipe.
00:28:23Yeah, and I'm simply pointing out the obvious too.
00:28:26Oh, that you're dating a loser.
00:28:29Well, fuck you.
00:28:32I'm sick of you picking on my short boyfriends.
00:28:37At least I have one.
00:28:42Just tell him to take his stilts off by the front door.
00:28:45He's scuffing up the floor.
00:28:48You know what I think?
00:28:51I think you're just a little bit jealous
00:28:53because he's taking up all of my time.
00:28:55That's what I think.
00:28:58No, you're not my type.
00:29:02I got it.
00:29:04Why don't you deal with your life on your own terms,
00:29:06and I'll deal with my life on mine.
00:29:11Are you saying that we should go our own ways?
00:29:14Kiddo.
00:29:18Well, I don't think I want to do that.
00:29:20Well, I don't think I'd give a rat's ass.
00:29:26Well, that's fine with me.
00:29:27And fine with me too.
00:29:28Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine.
00:29:30Well, fine.
00:29:32Yoo-hoo!
00:29:34Ladies!
00:29:36I loved your script.
00:29:37Where's Jane?
00:29:39She's in the shower. You liked it?
00:29:40Yes, I liked it. I loved it.
00:29:42Did you say you two wrote it?
00:29:44Yes, Brian, we did.
00:29:45Well, I'll be a monkey's ass then.
00:29:47Well, now, there's a stretch.
00:29:50Hello, ladies.
00:29:51Hi, girl.
00:29:52Hey, Lily, what's going on?
00:29:53I just kicked ass at a diapers commercial audition.
00:29:56Dressed like that?
00:29:58What'd you do, try to convince the casting director you could breastfeed?
00:30:01As a matter of fact, I did.
00:30:03What are you doing? You're mailing.
00:30:04It's very good. Very good.
00:30:06Yeah, the usual.
00:30:07Just wasting my time and money,
00:30:08compromising my already flagging standards.
00:30:11Stop it.
00:30:13Here.
00:30:15Sorry, Brian.
00:30:16Oh, that's okay. You can share mine.
00:30:19So, I heard Jane's got a date with a photographer.
00:30:22Yeah, she's getting ready right now.
00:30:24I think this is pretty serious.
00:30:25She's been in there for two hours.
00:30:27Hey, Jane, banging a photographer, huh?
00:30:29Shut it, Lily.
00:30:30Is he cute?
00:30:31I don't know. All I can see was the top of his head.
00:30:33And especially you.
00:30:35Speak it ahead.
00:30:36How's my manager working out for you?
00:30:38He's on a Twin McGum commercial.
00:31:09Are you her older sister?
00:31:11Get out of here, kid.
00:31:14Thank you. We had so much fun.
00:31:16Thanks.
00:31:17Thanks a lot. You girls did a great job.
00:31:22Okay, next we've got Jane and Sherry Williams twins.
00:31:25Jane and...
00:31:29You guys gotta be joking, right?
00:31:33Shit!
00:31:35Oh?
00:31:36Didn't get the call back.
00:31:38Oh.
00:31:40But I heard you had a big audition yesterday.
00:31:42Oh?
00:31:43So? How'd it go?
00:31:46I don't want to talk about it.
00:31:48Oh.
00:31:49Okay.
00:31:58He was the only child in this isolated form that was just for patients with AIDS.
00:32:02He had had a bad bout, but he was feeling a lot better.
00:32:04And when I went to pick him up, he wasn't there.
00:32:09I reacted.
00:32:11I stormed down the hallway looking for anybody to hear.
00:32:15And I...
00:32:32I'm sorry.
00:32:34I'm so sorry.
00:32:36I'm so sorry.
00:32:39I'm sorry for the death of a girl for this...
00:32:42Stranger than I have been doing for my own son.
00:32:46Here.
00:32:47I have been...
00:32:49Ashamed.
00:32:51Well, I should have been the other way around.
00:32:56We didn't ask for Big Bird to play the role.
00:32:58Well, if it was like that, you'd have to duck when she turns sideways.
00:33:02Uh, yeah.
00:33:04We're looking for types of, say, uh...
00:33:07Some of the looks of, say, Gwendolyn Paltrow, Winona Ryder.
00:33:11You know, the ingenues.
00:33:13Okay?
00:33:14But things, though.
00:33:16Big Bird, huh?
00:33:17Okay.
00:33:18Why don't you take this Big Bird and shove it up your ass, where it's most comfortable.
00:33:28Please.
00:33:31In my memory.
00:33:34I don't want to talk about it.
00:33:42What's the matter with you?
00:33:44Nothing.
00:33:45I don't want to talk about it, okay?
00:33:47Doesn't anybody want to talk about anything?
00:33:49You know, Jane?
00:33:50I just got started with this really great therapist.
00:33:53Well, Tony referred him to me.
00:33:55Who got it from a friend of his.
00:33:57But anyway, why don't you give him a call?
00:33:59He's really terrific, and he's helped out a lot.
00:34:02Yeah, we can see.
00:34:03But, uh, give me the number anyway.
00:34:06God knows I can use it.
00:34:07God's not the only one.
00:34:09Look, I don't need a string thank you.
00:34:11Is that up for a vote?
00:34:13Besides, it doesn't take a therapist to figure out that Sherry's been acting like an asshole lately, and, um...
00:34:20I bombed yesterday's audition, okay?
00:34:23All right, Jane.
00:34:24Well, you know, these things are hard to tell.
00:34:27I mean, sometimes you have a bad audition, and you end up booking the role.
00:34:30Or you have a great audition, and you never hear from them again.
00:34:33They're crazy, these casting people.
00:34:35That's true, they are.
00:34:36Well, I dated one once.
00:34:37Talk about screaming assholes.
00:34:39Yeah?
00:34:40Yeah.
00:34:41So, go ahead.
00:34:42Tell us what happened.
00:34:43Okay.
00:34:45All right.
00:34:47There I was.
00:34:48You know, really...
00:34:49You know, really...
00:34:51Connecting to my piece on a deep, emotional level.
00:34:56I really prepared myself.
00:35:00And he said it was near Christmas time, and could he come see us?
00:35:06You said no, that he was drunk as usual.
00:35:11He said if he couldn't see his little girl near Christmas time, it wasn't worth living.
00:35:18You said stop threatening when you don't mean it.
00:35:22He said I do mean it.
00:35:25And I'm going to kill him.
00:35:30Myself.
00:35:33You believed him enough to hand me the phone, Mama.
00:35:38You said I'm gonna go next door, and...
00:35:41You said you're going next door to call the police.
00:35:45That you knew where he was.
00:35:48But then you said don't talk to him.
00:35:51Hello?
00:35:53Because he's drunk as usual.
00:35:54No, Mama, I want to be fine.
00:35:56And I don't want him talking to you under those circumstances.
00:35:59No, tell me what he might say.
00:36:02No, I'm going to drop him off at Francine's when I get home.
00:36:04So I... Hold on. Hold on.
00:36:06You said, Mama...
00:36:07I want to be fine, too.
00:36:09Okay.
00:36:10And I heard him say...
00:36:11Okay. Okay.
00:36:14Um, yeah.
00:36:16Why don't you get the next girl in here?
00:36:18He said, uh...
00:36:19Um, Jane, um, thanks.
00:36:22Can you go ahead and send the next girl in, please?
00:36:24Oh, she's pretty.
00:36:32So you think I have a shot at it?
00:36:36You might have a shot at it.
00:36:38Yeah, sure. I don't see why not.
00:36:43What do I know?
00:36:44Yeah.
00:36:46Oh, I'll get that.
00:36:49Hello?
00:36:51Hey, Tony.
00:36:54Yeah, you dirty bastard. Yeah, hold on.
00:36:58Hey, Tony.
00:37:00You liked the script.
00:37:02He loved the script.
00:37:03I told you.
00:37:04A producer.
00:37:06Yeah, yeah. The what hotel?
00:37:09What did you say this producer's name was?
00:37:13Mr. Slavenport.
00:37:15The producer.
00:37:16Well, he's supposed to meet us in the lounge.
00:37:19Yeah. Uh-huh.
00:37:22I'll call.
00:37:23Hold on.
00:37:27Mr. Slavenport.
00:37:29Yes.
00:37:31You have two more here.
00:37:34Uh-huh.
00:37:37Uh-huh.
00:37:39The usual.
00:37:40The usual.
00:37:42Okay. I'll send them up.
00:37:48He says to take the elevator up to room 410.
00:37:51It's right around the corner.
00:38:05Hi.
00:38:06I was expecting you. Come in.
00:38:11Uh-huh.
00:38:23Ah.
00:38:40Hi.
00:38:50I'm sorry. I'm Jane, and this is my twin sister, Sherry.
00:38:55We're both actresses and writers.
00:38:59And we wrote our own script.
00:39:03We were referred to you by our manager, Tony D'Amato.
00:39:07Yeah, I know.
00:39:08The guy's a scumbag. Don't trust him worth shit.
00:39:12Well,
00:39:14the, uh,
00:39:15two of us wanted to propose a
00:39:17plan for a film we were
00:39:19hoping you might
00:39:21wanna
00:39:22produce.
00:39:24We have it right here, in fact.
00:39:26We were hoping you might want to take a look at it.
00:39:32You know, whenever you have free time, of course.
00:39:39Would you hand me one of those?
00:39:44Red, of course.
00:39:56Girls,
00:39:57I don't wanna waste your time.
00:40:00Now take a look at these.
00:40:04Now I helped launch the career of all those beautiful women
00:40:06but you know what?
00:40:08What?
00:40:09They had to prove they were committed.
00:40:10Committed?
00:40:11Yeah, that's right.
00:40:12Committed.
00:40:13Oh, you have our commitment, believe me.
00:40:15We were afraid you weren't gonna be committed to us.
00:40:17That's right.
00:40:18Girls,
00:40:19I have had too many bad experiences
00:40:21with beautiful,
00:40:23sexy women,
00:40:24such as yourselves,
00:40:26pitching me on similar propositions.
00:40:28You know, they all wanna be stars in one way or another,
00:40:31so I give them a shot.
00:40:33Star in one of my movies.
00:40:35And you know what?
00:40:36No, what?
00:40:37They up and they walk out on the deal.
00:40:39Up and walk out?
00:40:40No, no, no, no, no.
00:40:41We'll even draw up a contract and sign it right now.
00:40:43You take Roxanne, for instance.
00:40:45I cast her in the lead in Veronica's is Vegas.
00:40:48Good title.
00:40:49Original.
00:40:50So she's on her way.
00:40:52But,
00:40:53she had to commit herself first.
00:40:55Mr. Slavenport.
00:40:56Dick.
00:40:58Dick.
00:41:00Dick.
00:41:01Dick.
00:41:02Dick.
00:41:04Dick, this is our movie we wrote.
00:41:06I mean, we're even trying to get Steven Spiels...
00:41:10Let's just say,
00:41:11a big name director to do this.
00:41:13If you read our proposal,
00:41:14our script, we're 110% committed.
00:41:17Ladies,
00:41:18bottom line,
00:41:20I need you to prove that you're committed.
00:41:22Now, every woman in this business has to.
00:41:25And you are no exception.
00:41:29Do you mind if I help myself?
00:41:32Please.
00:41:49Now, where were we?
00:41:51We were talking about commitment.
00:41:53That's right.
00:41:55So we'll draw up a contract.
00:41:57Girls,
00:41:58let me get straight to the point.
00:42:01Two lovers are, uh,
00:42:03bound together.
00:42:05Having proven their commitment to one another
00:42:07by the simple
00:42:09and pleasurable
00:42:11act of lovemaking.
00:42:14Let a little look here.
00:42:15We don't need to go there, okay?
00:42:17Let's talk figures.
00:42:18Precisely.
00:42:20She means money.
00:42:22Lots and lots of money.
00:42:24Dick.
00:42:25Ladies,
00:42:26I got all the money in the world.
00:42:28I don't need your money.
00:42:30What I need
00:42:31is your commitment.
00:42:33Oh, and trust me,
00:42:35you'll be satisfied.
00:42:38It's a tough choice, but I, uh,
00:42:41I think we're gonna pass.
00:42:43Yeah.
00:42:59I'll be right back.
00:43:12I thought you'd reconsider.
00:43:14In fact, I did.
00:43:16Come here, big boy.
00:43:17All right.
00:43:23I'm sorry.
00:43:24I'm sorry.
00:43:25I'm sorry.
00:43:27Dick.
00:43:31You're right.
00:43:32I am satisfied.
00:43:56Fucking pig.
00:43:59Yeah, no kidding.
00:44:02What does he think we are, stupid?
00:44:07Fucking idiot.
00:44:09Why isn't he calling me back?
00:44:13You know,
00:44:14I think that dirty bastard's seen one of his other girls.
00:44:18I don't know.
00:44:19Maybe it's all in my head.
00:44:23That little bitch.
00:44:25Copping a prima donna attitude with Paige.
00:44:33Bitch.
00:44:47They were stupid enough to come into my motel room.
00:44:49Guy's a prick.
00:44:52But he owed me a favor.
00:44:54Man's gotta try.
00:44:55But he needs a business.
00:45:07Prick.
00:45:09Hey, Lily and Sherry, how's it going?
00:45:11Hey, you got some time tonight?
00:45:13To meet me at the brass-
00:45:14To meet me at the brass bar?
00:45:16Oh, I don't know.
00:45:19Say, uh, sometime around seven o'clock?
00:45:22Seven o'clock.
00:45:23Drinks on me.
00:45:24Yeah.
00:45:25Yeah.
00:45:27Yeah.
00:45:29Hello.
00:45:30Hi.
00:45:37Okay, Lily.
00:45:40Oh, how am I gonna say this?
00:45:43Oh, I hate this shit.
00:45:45I am so pissed off I can barely speak.
00:45:49Okay, Travis.
00:45:50You look me in the eye,
00:45:52and you tell me that I didn't see you with the pink pony kissing another boy.
00:45:56Boy, I got something I wanna ask you, Jane.
00:45:59One sec.
00:46:03Okay, Lily.
00:46:05I'm just gonna come straight out with it.
00:46:06I wanna break up with you.
00:46:08Tony's cheating on you.
00:46:11I wanna marry you.
00:46:13What?
00:46:15What the hell are you talking about?
00:46:18No.
00:46:20It's Jane, isn't it?
00:46:22No.
00:46:23No, no, even she'd never date that two-timing loser.
00:46:28I mean, no.
00:46:29No, it's not Jane.
00:46:32Look, I stopped by his office the other day.
00:46:34Right after he called me.
00:46:40Tony!
00:46:41So sorry.
00:46:43Hi, how are you both?
00:46:45I see you're getting head...
00:46:47shots together.
00:46:49Great.
00:46:50Well, I'll just leave my head jetsome.
00:46:53Outside the door.
00:46:55Nice to meet you.
00:47:04Oh, God.
00:47:07I knew it.
00:47:09I just knew it.
00:47:11That good-for-nothing, lousy Ray, that...
00:47:14Bitch!
00:47:15Take you back, huh?
00:47:17The answer is...
00:47:20No.
00:47:21I can't.
00:47:22I want to.
00:47:23Sort of.
00:47:25Maybe.
00:47:26It's just that...
00:47:28I'm sorry.
00:47:29I'm sorry.
00:47:31I'm sorry.
00:47:48It's all the same to me
00:47:53My liberation testament
00:47:55Emancipation keeps me sleazy
00:47:57Sleazy
00:47:58It's all the same to me
00:48:07I've been waiting for too long
00:48:09It made me cool, it made me wrong
00:48:11And I don't want no fantasy
00:48:13The special love right next to me
00:48:15Maybe I'll regret tomorrow
00:48:17Cause I'll just forget
00:48:18Courage, tragic selfishness
00:48:20Your empathy, my disrespect
00:48:29Intoxication's got me
00:48:31Undocumented
00:48:32I am crazy
00:48:33Crazy
00:48:34It's all the same to me
00:48:37To me
00:48:39My liberation testament
00:48:41Emancipation keeps me sleazy
00:48:43Sleazy
00:48:44It's all the same to me
00:48:53I've been waiting for too long
00:48:55It made me cool, it made me wrong
00:48:57And I don't want no fantasy
00:48:59The special love right next to me
00:49:01Maybe I'll regret tomorrow
00:49:03Cause I'll just forget
00:49:04Courage, tragic selfishness
00:49:06Your empathy, my disrespect
00:49:14Intoxication's got me
00:49:16Undocumented
00:49:17I am crazy
00:49:18Crazy
00:49:19It's all the same to me
00:49:26Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
00:49:28I've been waiting for too long
00:49:30It made me cool, it made me wrong
00:49:32And I don't want no fantasy
00:49:34The special love right next to me
00:49:36Maybe I'll regret tomorrow
00:49:38Cause I'll just forget
00:49:40Courage, tragic selfishness
00:49:43I've been waiting for too long
00:49:45It made me cool, it made me wrong
00:49:47And I don't want no fantasy
00:49:49What?
00:49:50You sent Playboy that picture?
00:49:53Yeah
00:49:58For the double your pleasure twin issue
00:50:01Yeah, the...
00:50:03The twin issue, yeah
00:50:06And let me get this straight
00:50:08We have an appointment right after work
00:50:12That's right
00:50:18Oh, this is wonderful
00:50:22Knock it off, junior
00:50:23Hi, what can I get you folks?
00:50:25Yeah, let me get two Cokes and four waters
00:50:27I'll take a white Zinfandel
00:50:29Oh, and making $30 a lunch is better
00:50:32I'm sorry, was that a Coke or a 7-Up?
00:50:34I said a white Zinfandel
00:50:36Should've guessed
00:50:37I don't know
00:50:38Our friends and family seeing us rub asses together
00:50:41Just doesn't quite sit well with me
00:50:44I'm sorry, what did you say?
00:50:47Two Cokes and four waters
00:50:49Refills for free
00:50:51Put it out, Patsy
00:50:55I didn't say we'd take the job
00:50:57I just thought it might help us break into
00:50:59Well, if you haven't noticed
00:51:00Our non-existing acting careers
00:51:02Oh, come on
00:51:03Now that's retarded
00:51:04Hey, that's a good one
00:51:07That's a good one
00:51:13It's real smooth, Sherry
00:51:15Real fucking smooth
00:51:18You wanted a what?
00:51:20I said a refills for free
00:51:23Stop it, Maggie
00:51:24Fucking unbelievable
00:51:25Uh, and?
00:51:26No, not you
00:51:27No, that's brilliant Einstein
00:51:29And while we're at it
00:51:30Why don't we hook ourselves to keep a roof over our heads?
00:51:32Come
00:51:34What is wrong with this bitch?
00:51:36I told you ass not to come to this white conference
00:51:38You should've gone to Brock's
00:51:39That's what I'm saying
00:51:40That's what I'm saying
00:51:41That's what I'm saying
00:51:42Stop it, Maggie
00:51:43I told y'all
00:51:44Well, man, y'all said y'all wanted a tip
00:51:46That's Eric's fault
00:51:47Okay, Sherry
00:51:48And at the fine rate we're going
00:51:50We'll be slinging burgers for the next 20 years
00:51:52Now what the hell do you want already?
00:51:58Honey
00:51:59Honey
00:52:05Honey
00:52:12Terrific
00:52:13You go your way and I'll go mine
00:52:16Oh, and Mr. Playboy appointment?
00:52:18Yeah, and fuck you too
00:52:20Love
00:52:23Love is what comes to mind when I think of those two
00:52:26Oh, they can be stupid at times
00:52:30But I love those girls
00:52:35I love them
00:52:36I love them
00:52:37I love them
00:52:39I love you
00:52:41I love you
00:52:43I love you
00:53:04I got problems too
00:53:05Except that I'm not giving my face like you
00:53:07Sorry, but we're out of understanding here
00:53:09But if you're looking for a box of beer
00:53:11That's selling fast
00:53:12Won't you try a little bitch
00:53:13But we'll never give it in
00:53:14I'm tired of taking it
00:53:17I'm tired of taking it
00:53:21I'm tired of taking it
00:53:25I feel like, feel like breaking it
00:53:28Up there
00:53:29I'm sitting in the needy situation now
00:53:31And jeopardizing the
00:53:32So
00:53:33After they were fired
00:53:34I couldn't stay at TJ's
00:53:35Without my best friends
00:53:37So Sherry and I got a job
00:53:38At this place called Tony's Topless
00:53:42Well, we didn't go topless
00:53:43We wore these
00:53:45Well, it was good money anyway
00:53:48Jane, well
00:53:49She ended up at this joint
00:53:50Called Domino's Deli
00:53:53Excellent burgers
00:53:57And remember
00:53:58The customer gets anything they want
00:54:02Okay?
00:54:03Right, of course
00:54:05Now, here's our breakfast menu
00:54:09Just breakfast?
00:54:10We also have a separate menu for lunch
00:54:11And one for dinner
00:54:12All of which have to be memorized
00:54:14Okay?
00:54:15Of course
00:54:16Now, make sure you ask
00:54:17The following ten questions
00:54:18With each egg order
00:54:20It's on the test
00:54:21Test?
00:54:23How would you like your eggs?
00:54:24Whole, egg or white only?
00:54:25One, two, or three?
00:54:26A combo, wet or dry?
00:54:27What kind of toast would you like?
00:54:28White, wheat, seven gray,
00:54:29Purple, nickel, rye, marble, raisin
00:54:30Hot, light, English muffin, or bagel?
00:54:31Would you like cream cheese, butter,
00:54:32Peanut butter, or jam?
00:54:33Would you like potatoes, tomatoes,
00:54:34Or cottage cheese?
00:54:35And if potatoes, mashed, baked, or fried?
00:54:37Would you like freshly squeezed juice with that?
00:54:39Orange juice or grapefruit juice?
00:54:40Small or large?
00:54:41Coffee, tea, whiskey, milk, or cream?
00:54:43I think that was 11
00:54:44Oh, and you don't have to worry
00:54:45About the sugar choices
00:54:46It's on the table
00:54:47Oh, we just got set
00:54:49Let's go
00:54:50Hi
00:54:51You have Team Mary Ann
00:54:52Working with you today
00:54:53What can I get you folks?
00:54:55Uh, I'll take a cheese almond
00:54:57Great, one, two, and three eggs?
00:54:58Two
00:54:59Two
00:55:00Cheddar, Swiss, American, prevalent, blue, ricotta,
00:55:01Farmer, parmesan, brie, mozzarella, or jack?
00:55:04Cheddar
00:55:05Whole egg or white only?
00:55:06Whole
00:55:07Pancake style or closed?
00:55:08Closed
00:55:09Well or runny?
00:55:10Runny
00:55:11How about toast?
00:55:12White, wheat, seven gray, purple, nickel, rye,
00:55:13Marble, raisin, hot, light, English muffin, or bagel?
00:55:15Bagel
00:55:16Oh
00:55:17Plain, water, egg, raisin, cinnamon, wheat,
00:55:19Poppy seed, blueberry, or everything?
00:55:20Poppy seed
00:55:21Cream cheese, butter, peanut butter, or jam?
00:55:22Uh, butter
00:55:23On it or on the side?
00:55:24On the side, I guess
00:55:26Great
00:55:27Cottage cheese, potatoes, or tomatoes?
00:55:28Uh, potatoes
00:55:29Mashed, baked, or fried?
00:55:30Fried
00:55:31Would you like freshly squeezed orange juice or grapefruit juice?
00:55:32OJ
00:55:33Large or small?
00:55:34Small
00:55:35Ice and no ice?
00:55:36No ice
00:55:37Coffee, tea?
00:55:38Coffee
00:55:39Regular milk?
00:55:40Black
00:55:41Ice and no ice?
00:55:42Hot
00:55:43Great, and how about you?
00:55:44I'd like a turkey club sandwich, hon
00:55:45But could I get mayo on the side?
00:55:46We can get you whatever you want
00:55:49Be right back
00:55:53Okay, Jay, now here's our computer
00:55:59Gets stuck sometimes
00:56:02Okay
00:56:03Now, first we put our card through
00:56:06Then press number one
00:56:08Now, enter once, press five
00:56:09Enter twice, press seven
00:56:10Enter once, press three
00:56:11No, wait!
00:56:12Two seconds, then press six
00:56:14Yeah
00:56:15Now, enter twice, key up, arrow over, then print three
00:56:17Then hit one
00:56:18Then key up, arrow over, then again, then print ticket, okay?
00:56:20Oh, we just got zapped, here we go
00:56:33Johnny Arthur Waiter went home sick, so you're filling in for him
00:56:37Consider this your test
00:56:41Hi
00:56:43What can I get you?
00:56:45Can I get a BLT, leave the lettuce and tomato, and can you add chicken, please?
00:56:49We can get you whatever you want
00:56:56Are you going to go take Table 21's order, or should they go to the kitchen?
00:57:01I'm going to go to the kitchen
00:57:03I'm going to go to the kitchen
00:57:05I'm going to go to the kitchen
00:57:07I'm going to go to the kitchen
00:57:09Or should they go to the kitchen and fend for themselves?
00:57:16Miss, more coffee?
00:57:18Mother, we'll have the hamburger
00:57:20Medium
00:57:21Better make it rare, so we can get out of here sometime today
00:57:24My espresso, please, before I fall asleep
00:57:27Honey, we're not dealing with a rocket scientist
00:57:29You sound a little stupid after I say that
00:57:31Ma'am, my kid don't like his burger, it's cooked too well
00:57:35It tastes like shit, you eat it
00:57:38Can I get a charge for this extra cheese?
00:57:40I asked for soda
00:57:52It's a hamburger
00:57:54It's in my food
00:57:55Give me some goddamn food before Christmas
00:57:58Okay
00:57:59Okay
00:58:07Don't you try to tell me how your baby up and left you
00:58:11When you thought that she would never ever own my heart
00:58:15Don't you try to tell me about the plans that you were making
00:58:19When you thought that she was yours and yours alone
00:58:24Don't sigh, don't you moan
00:58:26Don't cry, don't you groan
00:58:28Don't look so darn sad
00:58:30It's just too darn bad
00:58:32I can still remember not so very long ago
00:58:35When all your loving belonged to me
00:58:40And if you recall it wasn't very long ago
00:58:43That you would tell me I had better set you free
00:58:56Jane
00:58:59You awake?
00:59:01Now I am
00:59:03Sorry
00:59:11Jane
00:59:14Huh?
00:59:19Nothing
00:59:20Jane
00:59:28Jane
00:59:33What?
00:59:34Do you remember when we were little and we couldn't sleep at night?
00:59:37Mom would let us sleep with her for a couple hours
00:59:39Oh no
00:59:40Do you mind moving over?
00:59:41Making a little room for me in your bed
00:59:43I'd prefer if you didn't
00:59:45Oh come on, move over
00:59:48I'm a little uncomfortable with this
00:59:50Really, don't bother
00:59:52Oh be quiet, move over
00:59:55I just want to apologize
00:59:57Come on, give me a hug
00:59:59A handshake would do just fine
01:00:01I'll be quiet
01:00:02Give me a hug
01:00:06People let me tell you about my best friend
01:00:10Okay, I'm good with this
01:00:11Okay, well
01:00:13Sorry I've been acting like such a jerk lately
01:00:15Now there's an understatement
01:00:16No, you weren't exactly a bowl of cherries either
01:00:19No, I guess I wasn't
01:00:22You pissed I walked off the job?
01:00:24No
01:00:25You would have been fired eventually
01:00:29Thanks
01:00:31Sorry about the fight the other day
01:00:33Which one?
01:00:34You know, shorty
01:00:37At least you'll always wear comfortable shoes
01:00:46It's not that funny
01:00:49No, no, not that
01:00:52I just can't believe it
01:00:55A nowhere scholarship to law school
01:01:00And I had a full scholarship too
01:01:05And we gave it all up just for a shot in the dark
01:01:11What was that lame story you were telling me about?
01:01:13Which one, which one?
01:01:15About the fire engine lift
01:01:21The little red fire engine that could
01:01:30Christ, that was stupid
01:01:32What the hell were we thinking?
01:01:34I don't know
01:01:36We threw it all away
01:01:38Oh no
01:01:40Oh God, oh God
01:01:43There it is
01:01:45I saw your light on it
01:01:51Okay
01:01:53Now this is a little weird
01:01:57Even for my taste
01:02:12Oh
01:02:20Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you
01:02:22I just happened to notice that you were doing the exercising properly
01:02:26I was?
01:02:28Yes, actually you were
01:02:30Do you mind if I show you?
01:02:32No
01:02:34No, of course not
01:02:35Let me show you
01:02:37Do you mind?
01:02:38No
01:02:39No, no, no
01:02:40Of course not
01:02:50See the difference now?
01:02:52Why don't you put your hands across my chest
01:02:54See if you can feel the difference
01:03:00Okay, yeah
01:03:04Right here?
01:03:06Right there
01:03:08Do you feel it now?
01:03:12Not yet
01:03:16Keep going
01:03:23Okay, I'm starting to feel it now
01:03:27Wait
01:03:29Come here
01:03:35Let me level with you
01:03:38This whole thing was just a lame excuse to get to talk to you
01:03:41Talk to me?
01:03:43Yes
01:03:45I've been watching you
01:03:47You're kidding
01:03:49No, I'm dead serious
01:03:51I've been watching you for a while
01:03:53Watching me for a while?
01:03:55This is unbelievable
01:03:57I pinch myself
01:03:59You've been watching me?
01:04:01I've been watching you
01:04:03You have no idea
01:04:05You have no idea
01:04:07Since the day I laid my eyes on you
01:04:11Oh no, wait
01:04:13How do you know you weren't watching her?
01:04:15Who?
01:04:17Her, her, my twin sister
01:04:19Oh, no
01:04:21Cute, isn't she?
01:04:23She always did good all the time
01:04:25This is you I want
01:04:29Come here
01:04:31Kiss me
01:04:36No
01:04:38Are you coming yet?
01:04:40Well, not exactly
01:04:42What do you mean not exactly?
01:04:44Are you coming yet or not?
01:04:46Huh?
01:04:48Are you coming or not?
01:04:50Come on, let's go, move it out
01:04:52Anthony Robbins
01:05:06This is really distracting
01:05:08Let me get rid of him
01:05:10All right, all right
01:05:12I'll be right there
01:05:14Give me a second
01:05:16What took you so long?
01:05:18Do you have the help on in section?
01:05:20Yeah, come in
01:05:22It's on the table
01:05:24Baby, we've got company
01:05:26Put some things on the table
01:05:28I'll be right there
01:05:30I'll be right there
01:05:32I'll be right there
01:05:34Baby, we've got company
01:05:36Put some shorts on
01:05:48What the hell was that?
01:05:50Somebody beat up Candace
01:05:54What the hell is going on?
01:06:05Please tell me mama
01:06:07Things get easier
01:06:09When will I breathe easier
01:06:12Please tell me mama
01:06:14Sun gets hot again
01:06:17When will I know
01:06:19My friends again
01:06:22How old must I get
01:06:24Before I'm young
01:06:26And innocent again
01:06:28Mama
01:06:31Can't take much more
01:06:34Of this
01:06:43I'm being picked up by my team
01:06:47With theory
01:06:49But to no avail
01:06:51I'm being parted like some prey
01:06:55Like scary
01:06:57But captured anyway
01:06:58We'll take it
01:07:00How old must I get
01:07:02Hello everybody
01:07:04I would like you to meet my two very best friends in the whole world
01:07:08Sherry and Jane
01:07:13Sherry and Jane
01:07:15Welcome to the Vital Life family
01:07:33Hi
01:07:35Welcome
01:07:37Okay
01:07:39Welcome Jane and Sherry to Vital Life
01:07:41We are very proud to have you aboard
01:07:43Okay
01:07:45Before we begin
01:07:46We'd like to get all psyched up
01:07:48And hear about this month's champions
01:07:52Malik
01:07:53Hi
01:07:55My name is Malik
01:07:57My sales are up
01:07:59My name is Malik
01:08:01My sales are up $1000 this month
01:08:05I love you America
01:08:07I love you America
01:08:09Thank you, thank you
01:08:13Hey I'm Matt
01:08:18I don't think I've lost any weight
01:08:20But it's the best fucking high I've ever had
01:08:27Hi I'm Bobby
01:08:28I lost 14 pounds in 15 minutes
01:08:35And I've never been more energetic in my life
01:08:39I love you Vital Life
01:08:41You said
01:08:42You said you just, you just wanna do what's right
01:08:45We'll get it on
01:08:48You said
01:08:49You only wanna dance all night
01:08:52Well come along
01:08:55Ain't nobody gonna stop your movin' to the beat
01:08:58Nobody will haunt you for a minute in your sleep
01:09:02If you got feelin'
01:09:04Pop it through the ceiling
01:09:06Cause dancin' just the nature of responds to what you're feelin'
01:09:09Make some noise
01:09:11I feel fantabulous
01:09:13You know
01:09:14When David Koresh went down and all
01:09:17I didn't know what I was gonna do
01:09:19But I got me a new family
01:09:21My Vital Life family
01:09:23Yeah
01:09:24Yeah
01:09:25Are you ready everybody
01:09:27Yeah
01:09:28Who are we
01:09:29Vital Life
01:09:30What do we thrive on
01:09:31Life
01:09:32What's it to me
01:09:33Vital
01:09:34Yeah
01:09:36Who are we
01:09:37Vital Life
01:09:39What are we thriving on
01:09:40Life
01:09:41What's it to be
01:09:42Vital
01:09:48It's Vital
01:09:49South council
01:09:50Life
01:09:51Who we are
01:09:52What do we thrive on?
01:09:54♪♪♪♪
01:09:59♪♪♪♪
01:10:04♪♪♪♪
01:10:07Read aloud. Use inflection when needed.
01:10:11Brand-new theme restaurant opening called Live.
01:10:14Needed top waitresses, bartenders, hostesses, and runners.
01:10:17Owned in part by Brooke and Company.
01:10:21And director mogul Steven Spielstein?
01:10:24Spielstein's opening up a restaurant? You're kidding.
01:10:26Jane, your interviews at 3 p.m. show up today.
01:10:29Sherry, 3.30. Don't be late.
01:10:31My interview's in a half hour. Get yourselves ready.
01:10:34And don't fuck this up.
01:10:42She's the best.
01:10:45So, there we were.
01:10:48The night we got hired.
01:10:50Three of us acting like a bunch of fucking morons.
01:10:53You know, you really don't need this.
01:10:56A little short in the core, cowboy.
01:10:59You know what? I'm gonna make a toast.
01:11:02Easy, big guy.
01:11:04All right, I'm making a toast.
01:11:07All right, to my best friend.
01:11:10A friendship based on love.
01:11:13A friendship based on kindness and trust and love.
01:11:19A friendship I'll always cherish.
01:11:22And to me, who finally got us a fucking shot at meeting this Spielstein.
01:11:31All right, that's a game. We game.
01:11:34So, shortly after that hangover,
01:11:37we started our training at Live, Spielstein's new restaurant.
01:11:42We worked our asses off getting ready for opening night.
01:11:45The night we meet this guy.
01:11:48We were fucking psyched.
01:11:50Dear Lord, as you know,
01:11:53we've been busting our asses trying to get our shit together to meet this Mr. Spielstein.
01:11:57Please, dear God, understand that we've been working long and hard.
01:12:02Speaking of which, God forgive me for my affair with Tony Jesus, his poor wife.
01:12:07Lily, will you get to the point here?
01:12:09Right. Where was I?
01:12:12Working hard.
01:12:13Right. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
01:12:18the courage to change the things we can,
01:12:20and the wisdom when to know what to get the hell out of this goddamn business. Amen.
01:12:24Amen.
01:12:25Amen.
01:12:26God help us.
01:12:28Let's go.
01:12:39Let's go.
01:13:09¶¶
01:13:38¶¶
01:13:48¶¶
01:13:58¶¶
01:14:13I've got it.
01:14:15I've got it.
01:14:17I've got it.
01:14:18I've got it.
01:14:19No, no.
01:14:20I've got it.
01:14:21I've got it.
01:14:22I've got it.
01:14:24¶¶
01:14:36¶ Just give me a little atomic bomb ¶¶
01:14:48¶ Not too much, just a little ¶¶
01:14:53¶ Atomic bomb so I can breathe ¶¶
01:15:00¶ A little deeper so I can taste ¶¶
01:15:06¶ A little sweeter, I've had enough ¶¶
01:15:13¶ Pass the cup, a shallow grave ¶¶
01:15:18¶ A winter's day, so send me one ¶¶
01:15:24¶ Before someone else does ¶¶
01:15:36¶ Just give me a little atomic bomb ¶¶
01:15:48¶ Not too much ¶¶
01:15:59¶ Just give me a little atomic bomb ¶¶
01:16:10It's over.
01:16:15I know.
01:16:18¶¶
01:16:32So much for your fire engine theory.
01:16:34Yeah, yeah, I know.
01:16:38There's always the peace corps.
01:16:45I guess I'll say yes to Sam.
01:16:51Nothing.
01:16:56I don't want to.
01:16:59Lousy script.
01:17:05¶ Thought I knew you ¶¶
01:17:08¶ Didn't understand ¶¶
01:17:10¶ Friends ¶¶
01:17:13¶ Now I am torn ¶¶
01:17:16¶ Gave roses, you gave thorns ¶¶
01:17:19¶ Sister, goodbye ¶¶
01:17:21¶ Goodbye ¶¶
01:17:25¶ I needed you ¶¶
01:17:29¶ Believed in you ¶¶
01:17:31¶ Goodbye ¶¶
01:17:33¶ I'm at a loss ¶¶
01:17:40¶ Who can I count on? ¶¶
01:17:44¶ You're here and now you're gone ¶¶
01:17:47¶ Sister, goodbye ¶¶
01:17:49¶ Goodbye ¶¶
01:17:54¶ I forgive you ¶¶
01:17:56¶ It's who you are ¶¶
01:18:08Dr. Williams, to the emergency.
01:18:28Great.
01:18:29Oky great.
01:18:31Who wrote this?
01:18:36They threw a name on it.
01:18:41No god damn fucking name.
01:18:46Oh shit.
01:19:06Let's take a drive tonight.
01:19:21We'll buy a pack of cigarettes and drink all night.
01:19:29Let's take a trip tonight.
01:19:36Into a psychedelic morning beneath a California sky.
01:19:44To the ocean, deep and blue.
01:19:52To the ocean, just me and you.
01:20:00Let's take a drive tonight.
01:20:08Down a breezy highway and feel alright.
01:20:13That's right.
01:20:16Let's take a trip tonight.
01:20:23Way out to Oblivion.
01:20:28So that's the whole story.
01:20:32And since my divorce, well I'm much happier now.
01:20:36The two of us are a lot closer again.
01:20:38And now that I'm back I have a whole new perspective on life.
01:20:41I know what's important to me.
01:20:43Oh and Doc, I don't think I'm going to need any more medication.
01:20:47How about you?
01:20:49No, feeling pretty good.
01:20:51I think that'll be my last prescription too.
01:20:53Oh, excuse me Doc.
01:20:55Is that you?
01:20:57Hello?
01:20:58Not mine.
01:20:59Yes, it's Jane.
01:21:01Yeah, the two of us wrote a screenplay, yeah.
01:21:06I'm sorry, Lily from the Weinberg Agency sent you what?
01:21:10She did?
01:21:14I'm sorry, this is who?
01:21:19Oh God.
01:21:22Who is it?
01:21:23Oh God, I am so sorry about your husband.
01:21:27I'm still having nightmares about it.
01:21:29I mean, is everything working okay?
01:21:31Can you pee?
01:21:33You know.
01:21:34Who is it?
01:21:35It's a...
01:21:38It's a...
01:21:41It's Stephen.
01:21:43Let's take a drive tonight
01:22:07We'll buy a pack of cigarettes
01:22:10And drink all night
01:22:15Let's take a trip tonight
01:22:22Into a psychedelic morning
01:22:26Beneath the California sky
01:22:30To the ocean
01:22:33Just you and I
01:22:36You and I
01:22:37Just you and I
01:22:39Just you and I
01:22:41Just you and I
01:22:43Just you and I
01:22:45Just you and I
01:22:47Just you and I
01:22:48Just you and I
01:22:50Just you and I
01:22:53You and I