- 12 years ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:01:00Can of friskies to whoever brings me the extra set of keys in the drawer next to the refrigerator.
00:01:30Can of friskies to whoever brings me the extra set of keys in the drawer next to the refrigerator.
00:01:40Can of friskies to whoever brings me the extra set of keys in the drawer next to the refrigerator.
00:01:50Can of friskies to whoever brings me the extra set of keys in the drawer next to the refrigerator.
00:02:00Can of friskies to whoever brings me the extra set of keys in the drawer next to the refrigerator.
00:02:10Can of friskies to whoever brings me the extra set of keys in the drawer next to the refrigerator.
00:02:20Can of friskies to whoever brings me the extra set of keys in the drawer next to the refrigerator.
00:02:30Can of friskies to whoever brings me the extra set of keys in the drawer next to the refrigerator.
00:02:40Can of friskies to whoever brings me the extra set of keys in the drawer next to the refrigerator.
00:02:50Can of friskies to whoever brings me the extra set of keys in the drawer next to the refrigerator.
00:03:00Can of friskies to whoever brings me the extra set of keys in the drawer next to the refrigerator.
00:03:10Can of friskies to whoever brings me the extra set of keys in the drawer next to the refrigerator.
00:03:20Can of friskies to whoever brings me the extra set of keys in the drawer next to the refrigerator.
00:03:30Can of friskies to whoever brings me the extra set of keys in the drawer next to the refrigerator.
00:03:40Can of friskies to whoever brings me the extra set of keys in the drawer next to the refrigerator.
00:03:50Can of friskies to whoever brings me the extra set of keys in the drawer next to the refrigerator.
00:04:00Can of friskies to whoever brings me the extra set of keys in the drawer next to the refrigerator.
00:04:10Can of friskies to whoever brings me the extra set of keys in the drawer next to the refrigerator.
00:04:20Can of friskies to whoever brings me the extra set of keys in the drawer next to the refrigerator.
00:04:30Can of friskies to whoever brings me the extra set of keys in the drawer next to the refrigerator.
00:04:38Can of friskies to whoever brings me the extra set of keys in the drawer next to the refrigerator.
00:04:48Can of friskies to whoever brings me the extra set of keys in the drawer next to the refrigerator.
00:04:58Can of friskies to whoever brings me the extra set of keys in the drawer next to the refrigerator.
00:05:08Can of friskies to whoever brings me the extra set of keys in the drawer next to the refrigerator.
00:05:18Can of friskies to whoever brings me the extra set of keys in the drawer next to the refrigerator.
00:05:28Can of friskies to whoever brings me the extra set of keys in the drawer next to the refrigerator.
00:05:38Can of friskies to whoever brings me the extra set of keys in the drawer next to the refrigerator.
00:05:48Can of friskies to whoever brings me the extra set of keys in the drawer next to the refrigerator.
00:05:58Can of friskies to whoever brings me the extra set of keys in the drawer next to the refrigerator.
00:06:08Can of friskies to whoever brings me the extra set of keys in the drawer next to the refrigerator.
00:06:18Can of friskies to whoever brings me the extra set of keys in the drawer next to the refrigerator.
00:06:28Can of friskies to whoever brings me the extra set of keys in the drawer next to the refrigerator.
00:06:38Can of friskies to whoever brings me the extra set of keys in the drawer next to the refrigerator.
00:06:48Can of friskies to whoever brings me the extra set of keys in the drawer next to the refrigerator.
00:06:58Can of friskies to whoever brings me the extra set of keys in the drawer next to the refrigerator.
00:07:08Can of friskies to whoever brings me the extra set of keys in the drawer next to the refrigerator.
00:07:18Stupid, stupid, stupid.
00:07:48Stupid, stupid, stupid.
00:08:18Stupid, stupid, stupid.
00:08:48Stupid, stupid, stupid.
00:09:18Stupid, stupid, stupid.
00:09:24Andrea, it's me.
00:09:29Nick.
00:09:32It's me. I'm over here.
00:09:45I'm not even gonna ask.
00:09:47Was that a gun?
00:09:50Yeah.
00:09:52A real gun?
00:09:54Yeah.
00:09:56Who would let you have a gun?
00:10:00The Constitution of the United States.
00:10:03Militia. It says armed militia.
00:10:06Yeah.
00:10:07Argue it with the Supreme Court.
00:10:27I tried to use this to get into the house, and I figured that if I could do that, then maybe they could.
00:10:32I thought they had the keys.
00:10:48This is a bedroom.
00:10:51You put a bedroom where anybody else would put a living room.
00:10:59I'm gonna patrol the perimeter. Get your stuff, and you can spend the night at my place.
00:11:03What?
00:11:05Get your pajamas and your little face stuff, and you can come over to my place.
00:11:08Nick, they have my keys.
00:11:12And if you're not here, they can't hurt you.
00:11:14But they'll be in my house. They're my things and my grandmother's pearls.
00:11:19Take them with you.
00:11:21There's a stereo and the television.
00:11:24I bet you have insurance. You'll get a new stereo.
00:11:26My computer.
00:11:28They'll be in my trunk.
00:11:29But they'll be in my house, and they'll touch my stuff. They'll jerk off in my underwear.
00:11:33I read somewhere that someone defecated on a bed, and I would have to sell this house.
00:11:41You'd be alive.
00:12:03You can't take the cats.
00:12:05I'm not leaving them here.
00:12:07Yes, you are. They'll be fine.
00:12:10Nick, are you aware that most serial killers tortured animals as children?
00:12:15I thought these were purse snatchers.
00:12:29Andrea?
00:12:33I live in a studio apartment.
00:12:35You can't take...
00:12:36How many cats do you have now?
00:12:389,000. I have 9,000 cats now, Nick, and I'm not leaving one of them behind.
00:12:53Plan B.
00:12:54Your plan B is my plan A.
00:12:57Take the phone and the cooler and follow me.
00:13:25Nick, up here. Hand me that chair.
00:13:33What exactly are we doing?
00:13:35Get the phone and the cooler and come up here.
00:14:00Wow.
00:14:03Wow again.
00:14:05You sit in this chair. See, we have a perfect view of anything that approaches.
00:14:09If you see anything, you tell me, and I will call the police, and you can shoot them.
00:14:15I had no idea you'd gone to work for the post office.
00:14:19Nick, let's just pretend you're some security guard I've hired and do our sniping at the invaders instead of at each other, okay?
00:14:28You've got the nicer view.
00:14:30That's because they're more likely to come from the alley, and you've got the gun.
00:14:34But then you could give me the gun.
00:14:37Are you kidding? I'm going to be the only living witness to the gunfight at Carroll Canal?
00:14:42Not a chance, Wyatt.
00:14:44And just in case it comes up, you have to actually be defending your life.
00:14:48You can't just pick off anything that moves.
00:14:52There are some sandwiches in the cooler. Why don't you give your mouth something useful to do?
00:15:00You know, locksmiths are open 24 hours.
00:15:03We could get one over here and get the locks changed.
00:15:06And we'll pay them with...
00:15:10my Discover card.
00:15:30This is my emergency card, and this is an emergency.
00:15:38I'll give you a dollar if you just sweep everything into that drawer willy-nilly, pens flying.
00:15:44I wish I had a dollar for every time I picked up your underwear.
00:15:50Let me get it.
00:15:52Hello?
00:15:53Put it on speaker. Put it on speaker.
00:15:55Hello?
00:16:00Someone gasped and hung up.
00:16:02Gassed?
00:16:04It's a sharp intake of breath generally indicative of surprise.
00:16:08Male or female?
00:16:10Real men don't gasp.
00:16:13That's all? There was no...
00:16:14A gasp.
00:16:18If you would put it on speaker.
00:16:21Real men don't use speakerphone.
00:16:26You gonna...
00:16:30Hello?
00:16:31What the hell is he doing?
00:16:33Hi.
00:16:35Yeah.
00:16:37Yeah.
00:16:39Yeah.
00:16:42Yeah.
00:16:43Yeah, I got my purse stolen.
00:16:46No, it was on the back of my chair at Jake's and somebody hooked it.
00:16:51No, nobody saw a thing.
00:16:54Well, um...
00:16:56Nick, he came over to protect me.
00:17:00He brought a gun.
00:17:03Apparently the Constitution of the United States.
00:17:08I know.
00:17:11I don't know.
00:17:15Where are you?
00:17:17Oh my God, that's right.
00:17:19Oh, no, I totally understand.
00:17:21You're somewhere in the middle of the Pacific.
00:17:23Yeah.
00:17:25Merry Christmas.
00:17:27Thanks.
00:17:28Bye.
00:17:31Carol?
00:17:35Gosh.
00:17:37I'm psychic.
00:17:48Let's get a locksmith in here, huh?
00:17:51Oh, God, there's a problem with that.
00:17:54And that would be?
00:17:56Oh, God, there's a problem with that.
00:17:59And that would be?
00:18:00I canceled my credit cards.
00:18:01I have to call them and uncancel them first.
00:18:03And I bet I can't do that.
00:18:10Hi, do you take checks?
00:18:13Okay, what if you don't have any ID?
00:18:16You know, my purse, wallet was stolen
00:18:19and bad guys have the keys to the house, that kind of thing.
00:18:23Okay, thank you.
00:18:25Thanks.
00:18:28Let me guess.
00:18:31You didn't send in the little slip
00:18:33until you put the last checks in the checkbook.
00:18:38No.
00:18:39It's okay.
00:18:41I'll get you the money in the morning.
00:18:43How?
00:18:45I'll get the money.
00:18:52Okay.
00:19:15What are you doing?
00:19:18Protecting you.
00:19:21Is that performance art?
00:19:27You come into an architect's house
00:19:29and you build a house of cards?
00:19:32All right, I've got it.
00:19:35I carefully design and I build this house, this home,
00:19:39and it's supposed to be a safe haven and it's not.
00:19:43Sometimes a cigar is only a cigar.
00:19:47I'm sorry.
00:19:51My purse was stolen,
00:19:53along with, apparently, my identity
00:19:56and my ability to operate in this world.
00:19:59I'm sorry if I'm a little oversensitive.
00:20:03It's okay.
00:20:09You know, I have a deadline.
00:20:11I have some work to do and I'm going to go upstairs.
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00:22:11How's Karen?
00:22:14Karen?
00:22:17Oh, you mean Kendra.
00:22:19Oh, yeah, sorry.
00:22:22Well, not that it's any of your business,
00:22:25but Kendra is history.
00:22:28Really?
00:22:30What happened?
00:22:32It's none of your business.
00:22:35Here's what I don't get, Nick.
00:22:38Here's what I don't get, Nick.
00:22:41Where do you get off being hostile to me?
00:22:44I mean, if I had left you for another woman,
00:22:46I could see how you might...
00:22:48The fantasies alone would have kept the home fires burning.
00:22:55Where did we go wrong, Nicky?
00:22:58Jesus, not again.
00:23:00We were in love. How did that stop being enough?
00:23:03I am not going to do this again.
00:23:05No kidding.
00:23:07I've been here for hours, and you haven't even taken your jacket off.
00:23:11Got to be ready to run out the door, the first sign of trouble?
00:23:14Or is this a suit of armor to keep me out?
00:23:19I don't need anything to keep you out.
00:23:22I just not want you in.
00:23:24Why?
00:23:28I'm not doing this again.
00:23:29Why?
00:23:32Did this really happen?
00:23:37You mean, did I pretend to have my purse stolen just to get you over here?
00:23:41Is that what you're asking me?
00:23:45I called everyone else I knew.
00:23:47My luck, you were the only one home.
00:23:50But maybe that was supposed to...
00:23:52Miss Haines, I am a security guard that you hired.
00:23:55And I'm just hanging here in case the bad guys show up.
00:23:58We were never married. We don't even know each other.
00:24:01We never even met. We have nothing to discuss.
00:24:03No, do you want to know how fucked up I am?
00:24:05I can't let this go.
00:24:07I can't put you behind me.
00:24:09I need to know why you left me.
00:24:11No. No, not why you left.
00:24:14But why, when this little twat...
00:24:17Woman, woman, woman.
00:24:20When that woman decided that she wanted you.
00:24:23Why? That was okay with you.
00:24:25I mean, I may be an insane egomaniac,
00:24:28but I know that she was not prettier than me.
00:24:31I can't believe she turned you on as much as I did.
00:24:34And you yourself said she was not the brightest creature on the planet.
00:24:37If I say this again, will you hear it this time?
00:24:42She was easier than you.
00:24:44That's not what I meant.
00:24:48She liked me. You didn't.
00:24:51What?
00:24:53She laughed at my jokes.
00:24:55She thought that I was just great the way I was.
00:24:58She didn't try and change me.
00:25:01She made me feel...
00:25:03She made me feel normal.
00:25:05Normal?
00:25:07Yeah, just like a guy.
00:25:09Not some genius of paint,
00:25:12some troubled artist
00:25:14destined to take the world by storm.
00:25:16She wasn't constantly pushing me
00:25:18to go after something that I didn't really want.
00:25:21What happened?
00:25:24I got bored.
00:25:33You know, there is a huge gap
00:25:36between, like, no challenge at all
00:25:38and non-stop battle for supremacy,
00:25:41so don't think I'm ready to step back into this.
00:25:46So I was bored.
00:25:49So I was pushing you towards something you really didn't want,
00:25:53and that's why it was such a battle.
00:25:56Even though I loved you and you said you loved me.
00:26:01I did.
00:26:03I don't think you did.
00:26:05I know what I feel. Felt.
00:26:09And what was that?
00:26:11I adored you
00:26:13from that very first moment.
00:26:16I remember it like it was three seconds ago.
00:26:19I was rushing to a meeting,
00:26:21and suddenly there was this mural
00:26:24that hadn't been there the week before.
00:26:27Oh, God, it was beautiful.
00:26:30It was full of passion and movement
00:26:33and so much talent.
00:26:36And the artist,
00:26:38he was still there,
00:26:40working like a man possessed.
00:26:42And he...
00:26:45He was even more incredible than the mural.
00:26:48More beautiful.
00:26:51Andrea, don't do this.
00:26:54You're just causing yourself...
00:26:55You're causing us both pain.
00:26:59I have to know where I went wrong.
00:27:01Can't you see that?
00:27:03I am not dead.
00:27:04Someday I may meet someone
00:27:06who is as beautiful and as intelligent
00:27:09and as funny and talented.
00:27:12Someone I love as completely.
00:27:15And I have to know what to do
00:27:17to keep it all from turning to shit.
00:27:27I wasn't the man you thought I was.
00:27:31I couldn't be that man.
00:27:36And I got tired of trying.
00:27:38No.
00:27:39You are wrong. You were.
00:27:42And you never tried.
00:27:50And magically, in that instant,
00:27:52they were right back where they'd always been.
00:27:54There was no point in this.
00:27:57We have been over and over this
00:27:59until I can't do it anymore.
00:28:01If you want me to stay, drop it.
00:28:03Nick.
00:28:04Drop it! Now!
00:28:09There's one more thing I want to make clear.
00:28:12She didn't do anything to you.
00:28:16Whatever else she is,
00:28:18she's a kind, sweet woman.
00:28:22I'm the one who did wrong.
00:28:25I'm the one who hurt you.
00:28:40Go ahead. Say it.
00:28:46You were a married man.
00:28:49I assume you were sitting at those poker games
00:28:52with my ring on your finger.
00:28:54And I think there comes a point
00:28:56in the evolution of female liberation
00:28:59when no one is left to decide
00:29:01what to do with their lives.
00:29:03I don't know what to do.
00:29:05I don't know what to do.
00:29:07A female liberation
00:29:09when no matter how attracted you are,
00:29:11you just fucking say no.
00:29:14You have enough respect for another woman.
00:29:17You feel enough kinship
00:29:19that even if her relationship is falling apart,
00:29:22you stand back and you let it happen
00:29:25instead of jumping in
00:29:27and spreading your legs for her man.
00:29:29I mean, God!
00:29:31Relationships are hard enough.
00:29:33Why can't I make my mistakes
00:29:35without having to worry about predatory females?
00:29:42Predatory.
00:29:46Maybe that's it.
00:29:48What?
00:29:49You have to look at the larger picture.
00:29:52Do I?
00:29:55It goes back to the cavemen.
00:29:57The cave people.
00:30:00Survival of the species,
00:30:02some overwhelming primal urge
00:30:04that depends on some man juice.
00:30:06Man juice?
00:30:09Man juice, Nick.
00:30:12You see, you want to keep your gene pool alive.
00:30:15Ensure that you have all the children you need,
00:30:18all that means.
00:30:20All right.
00:30:22If we accept that we have gone no further than that,
00:30:26then why is it that you men
00:30:28have to go along with it quite so eagerly?
00:30:32It's our job.
00:30:34We're supposed to spread our seed
00:30:36as far and as wide as possible.
00:30:38So you women will have all the children that you need.
00:30:41Oh, I see. How noble of you.
00:30:44Yep. Just doing our duty.
00:30:47For the good of mankind.
00:30:49Humankind.
00:30:50You were right the first time.
00:30:53So tell me, Nick,
00:30:55does that mean that rape is okay?
00:30:58Hmm?
00:31:00Did those guys say something sexual to you?
00:31:08In purely survival of the species terms?
00:31:15No. No, of course not.
00:31:17A child of rape is rarely a loved or wanted child.
00:31:21Consequently, its chances of survival are diminished.
00:31:26Are you sure those guys didn't threaten to...
00:31:28No. No, it's just...
00:31:30Remember the break-in we had over on Fifth Street?
00:31:33Yeah, that's right.
00:31:35You kept saying that you felt violated.
00:31:38To me, things are things. Who cares?
00:31:41And to me, they're memories and hard work and time.
00:31:46You know, there are still some things where I think,
00:31:48what did you get, five bucks for that at a pawn shop?
00:31:52That was my family history there.
00:31:54I never understood how you could just go out and buy new things.
00:32:00Andrea, surely you have figured out by now
00:32:03that men and women are really two different species.
00:32:07They've been made that way by hundreds of thousands of years
00:32:10of trying to keep the human race from going the way of the dodo bird.
00:32:13Because they had to go out and hunt,
00:32:15men developed a linear way of thinking.
00:32:19Which, of course, is the superior way of thinking.
00:32:22No, it's just the way we had to think to trap the animal.
00:32:29You see, we, us men,
00:32:32we had to be able to respond in a split second
00:32:35to any eventual move that an animal might make.
00:32:37Problem, solution. Problem, solution.
00:32:41Okay.
00:32:43Because women had to stay home with the kids,
00:32:46they became more social and developed a more circular way of thinking.
00:32:50Their major goal was making sure that their man came home
00:32:54after he whacked his mastodon,
00:32:56so they worried about things like relationships.
00:32:58They thought about them and turned them over and over in their minds,
00:33:01talked about them with all the other cave babes.
00:33:04And what was wrong with that?
00:33:06Nothing. It's the way it had to be.
00:33:09As so-called civilized people,
00:33:12we expect far too much from the opposite sex, and ourselves.
00:33:16I mean, we have only been anything
00:33:18that can remotely be considered civilized for a thousand years,
00:33:22against all those hundreds of thousands of years.
00:33:25Two hundred years ago, a man never left his house
00:33:28without having a sword strapped on.
00:33:31And to the victor went the spoils,
00:33:34including the woman, the loser, own.
00:33:36Which, from a purely survivalist species point of view,
00:33:40provided an opportunity for superior survival skills to be spread.
00:33:47It was better for a woman to bear a child
00:33:51who was fathered by the stronger, cleverer man.
00:33:55Better for the species, maybe, but not necessarily for her.
00:34:04The species is what counted.
00:34:10You want a glimpse into the dark side of Nick Harris?
00:34:14Been there, done that.
00:34:19I didn't really want to pick you up and leave.
00:34:22I thought that's what you'd want, but...
00:34:27I wouldn't mind eliminating a defective gene pool or two.
00:34:36Scratch door.
00:34:39Stay here.
00:34:45Shh.
00:35:02Oh, my God! Nicky!
00:35:04I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Are you all right?
00:35:15What happened? Did you see anything?
00:35:17There was nobody out there.
00:35:19But the car! I heard a car!
00:35:21That was my car.
00:35:23I tried to move it out of the way
00:35:25so it wouldn't get creamed by the garage door going up.
00:35:27The garage door rolls up.
00:35:29I figured that out after I started the car.
00:35:33You know, I'll bet you could probably use a shower
00:35:37and then maybe some dinner.
00:35:45Come on, everybody!
00:36:03Guns and alcohol don't mix.
00:36:05I suppose you're right.
00:36:09When did you start drinking?
00:36:12Just now.
00:36:15Okay.
00:36:18So, I suppose Kendra was speedily replaced.
00:36:27Kendra was replaced by silence.
00:36:30For the first time in a long time,
00:36:32I can get up out of bed without somebody yakking at me.
00:36:36Asking all those probing questions like,
00:36:39can you meet for lunch or is something bothering you?
00:36:42Or which earrings do you like best?
00:36:44Or which shoes go best with this skirt?
00:36:46Or how much did you lose at the track?
00:36:49But never how much did you win.
00:36:51You think I could eat once without getting indigestion?
00:36:56Are you serious?
00:36:59Are you saying I was unsupportive?
00:37:03If the shoe fits, wear it with whichever skirt you like.
00:37:10You gonna eat?
00:37:12I'm starting to feel like I should have brought a taster along.
00:37:18You know, the funny thing is, my view,
00:37:20is that I was totally supportive.
00:37:23I caught on to that after I heard it for the 15,675th time.
00:37:28How was I not?
00:37:30I didn't ask you to take care of me.
00:37:32I went out and I worked and put a roof over our heads
00:37:35so you would be free to pay it.
00:37:38Shit. It wasn't for me.
00:37:41Besides, you were the one with the marketable skill and...
00:37:44Marketable skill? Oh, please, Nick.
00:37:47I am an architect, you sanctimonious son of a bitch.
00:37:51And just once, just once,
00:37:53I would like you to recognize what that means.
00:37:57I work damn hard to get where I am.
00:38:00What I do is not easy.
00:38:03I have to know building codes
00:38:06and I have to know bearing weights and wet walls and costs and...
00:38:11My work is special.
00:38:13I, too, am a talented artist.
00:38:16I have had people burst into tears
00:38:19when I have showed them the plans.
00:38:21And I am not going to let you make me feel guilty
00:38:24or somehow inferior because my art has a practical side to it.
00:38:27That's my point exactly.
00:38:29You were overjoyed when you signed on with Beavis and Buttface.
00:38:32Beavis and Neland.
00:38:34Whatever. The point is...
00:38:36The point is that because of that practicality,
00:38:39you could have sat in that back room
00:38:41and painted until the world ran out of pigment.
00:38:46And the point of that would have been?
00:38:48That someday, somewhere, somehow, someone
00:38:52would have seen your brilliance
00:38:54and you would have had a show and you would have sold stuff
00:38:57and you would have taken the art world by storm.
00:39:00And, you know, Nick, I'm really sorry
00:39:02that people weren't just wandering in and out of our apartment
00:39:06and gallery owners weren't begging you to show your stuff,
00:39:10but that's just not the way the world works.
00:39:14If you had just gone out with your slides...
00:39:18I went out.
00:39:20How much rejection was I supposed to take?
00:39:22As much as necessary.
00:39:25No. No.
00:39:28That's not true.
00:39:31You were just supposed to believe in yourself as much as I did.
00:39:40Want some?
00:39:43Chunky monkey ice cream and butterscotch schnapps.
00:39:47Nah, I think I'll pass.
00:39:50Yummy.
00:39:55Did it ever occur to you that your belief in me was misplaced?
00:40:01No.
00:40:05Then you're a bigger fool than I thought.
00:40:14I always figured you thought that,
00:40:17that I was a fool for believing in you.
00:40:20But what about the scholarship committee at CalArts?
00:40:23Hmm, were they fools?
00:40:25Or all those people who gave you those awards, were they fools?
00:40:29No, and neither was I.
00:40:33We were just up against a hell of a lot.
00:40:36A hell of a lot.
00:40:38We were just up against a hell of a lot.
00:40:41A hell of a lot.
00:40:45Yeah, yeah, well...
00:40:47I don't know anybody whose parents didn't keep telling him they weren't good enough in one way or another.
00:40:53Yeah, considering your circle of friends, I'm not surprised.
00:40:57I'm including you in that number.
00:40:59Yeah, I know you are.
00:41:02But it was different for you.
00:41:04It was so much worse.
00:41:07Your dad was a coach, and you wanted to paint pretty pictures,
00:41:10and only sissies made pretty pictures.
00:41:14Oh, but frankly, Nick, I think it is amazing you ever made it into art school.
00:41:21I think it was a stunning act of will.
00:41:26That, that is the Nick Harris I fell in love with.
00:41:31What did you do to him?
00:41:35Educated him.
00:41:37He finally wised up.
00:41:43Look, can't we think of something else to do?
00:41:47I don't know.
00:41:49Will you fit in a microwave?
00:41:52Maybe. I have been working out.
00:41:55Hmm, thought so.
00:41:57You look damn good, Nick Harris.
00:42:05Hmm.
00:42:11You've had too much to drink.
00:42:13Nope.
00:42:15I thought it the first moment I saw you.
00:42:19And you have to admit, no matter what else, the sex was always good.
00:42:25The sex was unbe-fucking-lievable.
00:42:30But that's a dangerous road to wander down.
00:42:36I suppose you're right.
00:42:51It's nail-biting time for the Loyal Skins fans,
00:42:54but it's wake-up time for the players because they have the score on this drive.
00:42:57Mason fakes a handoff to Joe Shaney. Shaney swings right.
00:43:00Norton gets it, pushes it up the center.
00:43:03Oh, Norton's tackled by Frisco's Weeks after a three-yard game.
00:43:07Boy, they've had Weeks out there all night.
00:43:10He's been in the backfield non-stop.
00:43:13The Skins should give him a uniform the way he dreams their backfield.
00:43:18Shaney drops back. Jetson rolls right and he's off to the races.
00:43:21He's wide open. Shaney's...
00:43:23Did I bore you?
00:43:25What?
00:43:28Well...
00:43:30See, you're not playing fair.
00:43:34You know that sweater drives me crazy.
00:43:37Did you leave me because I bored you?
00:43:40Hell no.
00:43:42You, uh...
00:43:44You frustrated me.
00:43:46You irritated me. You enraged me. You drove me fucking insane.
00:43:51But you never bored me.
00:43:55What are you watching?
00:43:59Football.
00:44:02At 1.42 a.m.?
00:44:05Where is this game?
00:44:07It's ESPN. It's a rerun.
00:44:1225-inch, high-resolution Sony Trinitron downstairs.
00:44:17With a mute button?
00:44:20Lay on, Macduff.
00:44:26It's also the last time out. They want to take it.
00:44:38Evra.
00:44:42This house is really spectacular. Why don't you show me the rest of it?
00:44:46Well, you've already seen most of it. I'll show you after football.
00:44:50Nah, it's just a rerun. Probably turns out the same.
00:44:54You really want to watch football? Go ahead.
00:44:57It's just... It can wait.
00:45:00Show me the goddamn house and show it to me now.
00:45:14You don't need to see that. It's just a bedroom and there's nothing exciting.
00:45:19There's nothing exciting.
00:45:23Another guest bedroom.
00:45:27Rear deck.
00:45:30Great. Yeah.
00:45:37Bookshelves.
00:45:42Upstairs bathroom.
00:45:45Front deck.
00:45:49Evra, I'm really impressed.
00:45:52It's neat, huh? I love this view. It is so peaceful.
00:45:59God, I hate those guys for making me feel under siege here.
00:46:07You finally have your million-dollar house.
00:46:10Suddenly I understand.
00:46:12I didn't know you and you have no idea who I am.
00:46:16What is that supposed to mean?
00:46:18It wasn't about a million-dollar house. It wasn't about money at all.
00:46:23It was about the freedom to fulfill my dreams and the money was just a means to an end.
00:46:41I chose this sink myself.
00:46:44I designed the cupboards and I laid the tiles with these two hands.
00:46:49I didn't have to get anybody's approval and I didn't have to make any compromises.
00:46:54One day I picked up a pencil and I put some lines on paper and I made them a reality.
00:46:59Do you have any idea what that feels like?
00:47:02I wish I did.
00:47:05I can see why you don't have a gym.
00:47:14I put the bedroom on the ground floor so I could sleep as close as possible to the water.
00:47:19This is really something, Angie.
00:48:04Shit.
00:48:35Fuck.
00:48:41Take that motherfucker.
00:48:43Is this the one?
00:49:05We don't know what's in him, right? He's like sitting outside in his car.
00:49:08Yo, Bobby, it's Jason. Let us in, man.
00:49:34Fuck.
00:50:04Fuck.
00:50:34Fuck.
00:51:04Shit.
00:51:34Fuck.
00:52:04You alright?
00:52:06I just missed a step.
00:52:11Did you hurt yourself?
00:52:13I'm fine.
00:52:16Can I just, um, have a few minutes?
00:52:19Please.
00:52:34Fuck.
00:53:05Do you think I emasculated you?
00:53:12Oh, that's a good one, Andrea.
00:53:14Why the fuck would you say that right after we had sex?
00:53:17You just sit there figuring out how to do the most damage?
00:53:20Hard though this may be to believe, this is not about your dick.
00:53:27I'm getting out of here.
00:53:28The hell you are.
00:53:30I'm getting out of here.
00:53:31The hell you are.
00:53:32You said you would protect me tonight and you were gonna fucking protect me.
00:53:35From what?
00:53:37Cats jumping on the garage remote?
00:53:40The neighbors having visitors?
00:53:42Your own neuroses?
00:53:43Fuck you.
00:53:44Fuck this.
00:53:45You are not leaving here.
00:53:48Andrea, give me the gun.
00:53:50No.
00:53:51Jesus, you really have lost your mind.
00:53:55See if you can still process this.
00:53:57That is a loaded revolver.
00:53:59There is no safety on it.
00:54:01Do you understand what that means?
00:54:02I think so.
00:54:03It means you better be goddamn careful where you aim it and where you put your trigger finger.
00:54:10Look, you and I both know that you wouldn't use that thing on me.
00:54:15Do we?
00:54:17But there is an accident factor at play here.
00:54:20So just give me the gun.
00:54:21No, no, no.
00:54:24Okay.
00:54:29What would make you feel safe, huh?
00:54:36You want me to board up the doors?
00:54:38I'll board up the doors.
00:54:39You want me to sit by your bed while you fall asleep?
00:54:42I'll sit by your bed.
00:54:43You want me to sit on the roof and shoot anything that moves?
00:54:45This is not about my feeling safe anymore.
00:54:48Yeah, no kidding.
00:54:49That is not what I meant.
00:54:51And you know, I'd be a little kinder to somebody who was holding a gun on me.
00:54:55And I would be a lot kinder to somebody who just came by to help.
00:54:59I have spent seven years trying to get you to talk to me.
00:55:04We have been talking all goddamn night.
00:55:07Scholarly dissertations on survival of the species don't count.
00:55:12Nor do the little tidbits of your life and times that I've managed to pry out of you.
00:55:17Tell me what you want to hear.
00:55:19I want the truth.
00:55:22So just, um, shift your linear mind into the subject of my question.
00:55:31I am not aphrodisiac.
00:55:33I am not a philosopher.
00:55:34I am not a psychologist.
00:55:37I am not a doctor.
00:55:39I am not a doctor.
00:55:42I'm not a doctor.
00:55:43I'm not a psychiatrist.
00:55:45your linear mind into circular.
00:55:51And once we have figured out
00:55:54where our relationship went wrong,
00:55:57I'll give you back your little gun
00:55:59and you can get the hell out and stay the hell out.
00:56:02But you are not leaving here until I know why
00:56:05I wasn't what you wanted.
00:56:12Andrea,
00:56:14you think you're a little over the top here?
00:56:17Yeah.
00:56:19Yeah, I think I'm over the top.
00:56:22I think I'm way out there, out in outer space somewhere.
00:56:25But get a clue.
00:56:27Maybe this means that this is very important to me.
00:56:32I will discuss anything you wish.
00:56:36I will answer any questions you have.
00:56:38Just give me the gun.
00:56:40Don't placate me.
00:56:43I am not interested in hearing what you think I want to hear.
00:56:47It just drives me crazy.
00:56:49It's like buying me roses because you think I want roses
00:56:52rather than because you want to buy me roses
00:56:55and all of that condescending bullshit.
00:56:57I never bought you roses.
00:56:59The hell you didn't!
00:57:03Oh, God.
00:57:07We women, we are just so irrational.
00:57:11It is no wonder that you men with your superior intellect
00:57:14just can't relate to us.
00:57:16Yeah, all you can manage to do is handle us.
00:57:20Well, they call guns equalizers
00:57:23and I'm using this one to equalize the sexes.
00:57:26And we are going to start with you listening to me for once.
00:57:31I have been listening.
00:57:34Bullshit.
00:57:36I have been talking.
00:57:38I have been moving air around your head
00:57:40but you have not been listening.
00:57:43Just once, let my words register in your head
00:57:47as the absolute, immutable truth.
00:57:50No ulterior motive.
00:57:52No, what the hell does she really mean?
00:57:55I really mean I am not giving you this gun
00:57:58until we have done this.
00:58:01I never thought you were irrational.
00:58:03Oh, God.
00:58:06Are you incapable of being honest with me?
00:58:09Is there some genetic defect
00:58:11that doesn't allow a male to be honest with a female?
00:58:14All right, I always thought you were irrational.
00:58:18And I mean the collective you.
00:58:21Not one thing any woman has ever said or done to me
00:58:25has ever made the slightest bit of sense.
00:58:28I don't know why my mother stayed married to my idiot father.
00:58:32And I don't know why you called me over here
00:58:34and spent the evening insulting me.
00:58:36And I don't know why we just had sex.
00:58:38I know the answers to all of those questions.
00:58:43Your mother stayed married to your father
00:58:45because she had three small children,
00:58:48no job skills, and no options.
00:58:51I have spent the night insulting you, Nicholas,
00:58:55because I have some primal, deep-seated rage towards you.
00:59:00Oh, that's a great thing to hear from a woman who's got a gun in her hand.
00:59:04Andrea, this isn't funny, okay?
00:59:06This is... this is really dangerous.
00:59:09Why don't you just give me the gun?
00:59:11I have not finished answering your questions, Nick.
00:59:15I wanted to fuck you, so I fucked you.
00:59:21Anything else you need to know
00:59:23before we can get back to my issues?
00:59:31Yeah.
00:59:33How'd I go from being God to being an asshole?
00:59:37I guess God really can do anything.
00:59:49Problem?
00:59:50Solution.
00:59:52Talk, Nick.
00:59:54Andrea, just give me the gun.
00:59:57How many times do I have to tell you
00:59:59I'm not going to give you the gun?
01:00:02Sit down!
01:00:10Hello?
01:00:14Oh, I think that's a perfect idea.
01:00:17You are just the guys I want to see.
01:00:22You're pissed off?
01:00:25Well, I am redefining that term.
01:00:27I am so pissed off, I am back on!
01:00:32Well, bring your family.
01:00:35Bring your friends! Come on over!
01:00:37And I'll be waiting for you here with my little, uh, gun.
01:00:40This... what is this?
01:00:41Smith and Wesson.
01:00:42My Smith and Wesson.
01:00:45And you won't be pissed off anymore.
01:00:47Oh, no, no.
01:00:48Because of you, I have spent the night with my ex-husband.
01:00:53And trust me, puppy, that pisses me off a hell of a lot more
01:00:56than canceled credit cards ever could.
01:00:59Really? You don't?
01:01:30I'll give you the gun!
01:01:32This is not for me!
01:01:38Nick?
01:01:40You said you would talk to me if I gave you the gun.
01:01:49I did say that.
01:01:54I'm sorry.
01:01:56I got it.
01:02:27I think I'm more the type to strip naked and paint myself blue
01:02:32and count on that unnerving my enemies.
01:02:35Blue?
01:02:37Like the Celts, remember?
01:02:41Sit down and shut up.
01:02:44And if you can manage to do that,
01:02:46and I can manage to calm down, we'll talk.
01:02:52I don't want any more of this.
01:02:55I don't want any more anger-fueled exchanges between us.
01:03:00What?!
01:03:02I just... I just want to apologize.
01:03:05I... I got crazy up there.
01:03:08Yeah, you did.
01:03:10If you can shut up,
01:03:12maybe I can get over the fact that you just threatened my life.
01:03:16If I had done that to you,
01:03:18you would think that I was the worst scumbag on the planet,
01:03:20and you would be right!
01:03:24I'm sorry.
01:03:33You wanted to fuck me, so you fucked me?
01:03:38Yeah.
01:03:42Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
01:03:46Yeah.
01:03:51You were horny, and I was the lucky guy.
01:03:56No.
01:03:59I wanted you.
01:04:01I had you.
01:04:03I'm not a sailor.
01:04:06Sailor?
01:04:08Yeah, you know that term, um...
01:04:10any port in a storm, and...
01:04:12the origins of that saying are not as...
01:04:14are not as common as one thinks.
01:04:16It refers to the practice of a sailor being at sea
01:04:18for many months with a woman.
01:04:20Stop. I got it.
01:04:23That's one cliche that's not gonna come out of my mouth again.
01:04:29Maybe this is pointless.
01:04:31Maybe we really were only together
01:04:33because the sex was so good.
01:04:36I really don't think so.
01:04:38I hope not.
01:04:40Because I supported you.
01:04:42And that would make you a gigolo and me incredibly stupid.
01:04:47And I don't think either one of those things is true.
01:04:51No, we're not.
01:04:56Then help me understand why we were together
01:04:59so I can figure out why we couldn't stay together.
01:05:11You were the only person I could ever talk to.
01:05:16You've got to be kidding.
01:05:23What are you like with other women?
01:05:27I tell jokes.
01:05:30Put on a show.
01:05:33Dazzle them with bullshit.
01:05:35That's followed, of course, by the traditional mule dance or two.
01:05:38Me wearing a pizza on my head.
01:05:42And Kendra? She laughed at these jokes?
01:05:46Well, not these jokes.
01:05:48Then again, as you pointed out, she wasn't very bright.
01:05:55So the point of communication for you
01:05:57is to get a woman into bed.
01:06:00You're not giving up on this, huh?
01:06:04To some extent.
01:06:06To some extent.
01:06:08And to keep her there.
01:06:10I mean, beyond what is necessary to say to get through life.
01:06:14Ordering coffee, that kind of stuff.
01:06:16None of this is answering my question.
01:06:19What was the goddamn question?
01:06:21Why were we together?
01:06:28I was very much in love with you.
01:06:31And were you in love with her?
01:06:36I didn't leave you for her.
01:06:40You drove me away.
01:06:43How? By loving you? By caring about you?
01:06:47By believing an illusion.
01:06:49You son of a bitch. I wasn't deluding myself.
01:06:53The funny thing is...
01:06:56Deep down...
01:06:59I agree with you.
01:07:02I think I'm as talented and as wonderful as you think I am.
01:07:08Every time, Andrea...
01:07:12Every time you pushed me to do more...
01:07:17I felt...
01:07:19Like I wasn't doing enough, or I wasn't doing it well enough.
01:07:23That wasn't what I was saying. That's what you were hearing.
01:07:26Night after night, you talked about what a failure you were.
01:07:30About what a failure you were, and how frustrated you were.
01:07:33What was I supposed to do?
01:07:36Leave me alone?
01:07:38Nick...
01:07:39Listen to me!
01:07:40If we go back to this...
01:07:42Men are different than women. Men as hunters.
01:07:46Men have a...
01:07:48There were times...
01:07:50When a man had to be silent.
01:07:53Oh, so that's what women are up against.
01:07:55Eons of men having to keep silent or die.
01:07:58Eons of men waiting for a chance to say something?
01:08:00Say it!
01:08:02I am here. I am listening.
01:08:05No, I... I was just making that point.
01:08:09No, you weren't.
01:08:10You were distracting me from the subject at hand.
01:08:13Oh, fuck. Which was?
01:08:18Which was?
01:08:20You lied to me.
01:08:29Oh, my God, Nick! No, no, no!
01:08:33He's not going to kill Santa Claus on Christmas morning, is he?
01:08:37I am so sorry, Orson. This is my ex-husband.
01:08:40It's just been very tense here tonight.
01:08:43Nick Harris.
01:08:44Orson Bean.
01:08:45I'm really sorry. She lost her purse...
01:08:48Yeah, I found it.
01:08:51In the men's room of Mama's kitchen.
01:08:54Normally, I wouldn't come calling at five in the a.m.,
01:08:57but Allie saw your lights on and figured maybe you were nervous.
01:09:00You know, worried some weirdo found your keys.
01:09:03Oh, pass that along to Allie for me.
01:09:07I can't thank you both enough.
01:09:11I'm really sorry.
01:09:12Don't worry.
01:09:18Merry Christmas!
01:09:28You know, they might be able to get fingerprints off of that.
01:09:31Oh.
01:09:34Mama's pizza. It's not too far away.
01:09:38You were right to be worried.
01:09:45Anything else?
01:09:48No. I just... Thanks.
01:09:53You know, if anyone else does show up,
01:09:57and you have to do that strip-naked thing,
01:10:02cobalt blue is always a good color on you.
01:10:23Was there something else?
01:10:27You were accusing me of lying to you?
01:10:30Or to yourself.
01:10:33Maybe it's the only way you can get out of bed in the morning.
01:10:38What is that supposed to mean?
01:10:43You can't admit, even to yourself, that you needed to succeed.
01:10:48I see it clearly.
01:10:50I see it clearly.
01:10:52And I saw it clearly then.
01:10:55I wasn't pushing you.
01:10:57I was trying to help.
01:11:01So I was inadequate?
01:11:03No. You were damaged.
01:11:07You had bitter, disappointed,
01:11:11alcoholic parents who did their best to make you believe
01:11:14that you were a disappointment in their already pathetic lives.
01:11:19Andrea...
01:11:23I'm a grown man.
01:11:25Mommy and Daddy are behind me.
01:11:29You can't defeat the monster unless you admit it's standing in front of you.
01:11:34And our marriage fell apart
01:11:38when you realized that I was inadequate to fight the monster.
01:11:43No.
01:11:45Our marriage fell apart
01:11:47when we both realized I was inadequate to help you.
01:11:56I was glad to see you go.
01:12:00You made that clear at the time.
01:12:02No one in my life
01:12:05has ever mattered to me as much as you.
01:12:09And you have the security
01:12:12of knowing that your failure was of your own choice.
01:12:18You failed because...
01:12:20because you stopped trying.
01:12:23I'm the real failure here.
01:12:25And I tried and I failed
01:12:28at the one thing that mattered to me most.
01:12:32We would have been so good together but it got so bad.
01:12:37And I know what I'm like.
01:12:47As I recall, so do the neighbors for miles around.
01:12:56Success, Nick.
01:12:59Success, Nick,
01:13:01is the fine art of getting up one more time
01:13:05than they knock you down.
01:13:11I'm sorry it has to be this way.
01:13:23I want to show you something.
01:13:28I want to show you something.
01:13:59You know...
01:14:03I wondered.
01:14:09You claim to be such a big fan and...
01:14:15none of the paintings on your walls are mine.
01:14:18They were there at first.
01:14:21But it hurt too much to see.
01:14:24They were there at first.
01:14:27But it hurt too much to keep explaining it to people.
01:14:31They would ask about the artist and rave about his talent.
01:14:36And I would die inside.
01:14:55Nick!
01:15:02Maybe next time, okay?
01:15:05I have to get some sleep.
01:15:09I'm just completely drained.
01:15:12I have nothing else to give.
01:15:17It's been a tough night.
01:15:25Nick.
01:15:28May I ask you one last question?
01:15:31Yeah.
01:15:34Did you have an affair
01:15:36because you knew it was the one thing I couldn't forgive?
01:15:45Yes.
01:15:49I'm sorry.
01:15:51Yes.
01:16:21I'm sorry.
01:16:43You deserve better than that.
01:16:45Probably not.
01:16:47You want to argue with that too, huh?
01:16:50Andrea.
01:16:52You were there.
01:16:55It was hell.
01:16:57Every damn day was an argument.
01:16:59We were like slicing little pieces off of each other.
01:17:02I hated it.
01:17:04And I started to hate you, okay?
01:17:07And more than you, I hated myself.
01:17:11You said that you failed at the one thing that was important to you.
01:17:15What makes you think that it was any different for me, huh?
01:17:18I married you because I thought that I could make you happy.
01:17:22Were you happy?
01:17:24Yes.
01:17:28Well, you had a damn funny way of showing it.
01:17:31The cats were more important to you than I was.
01:17:34The cats?
01:17:37The cats were more important to you than I was.
01:17:40The cats liked sleeping in my bed.
01:17:42So did I.
01:17:47I liked them.
01:17:56I, um...
01:17:58I liked doing laundry with you,
01:18:00and I...
01:18:03I liked watching the way your cheek moved when you read the newspaper in the morning,
01:18:07and I liked...
01:18:13I liked talking to you about how we were going to change the world,
01:18:16and...
01:18:18I liked your snoring.
01:18:21So you stopped painting and started gambling.
01:18:27Why did I do that?
01:18:29You're asking me.
01:18:30You seem to know the answer to everything.
01:18:31I don't know this.
01:18:45I like poker.
01:18:47It's a game of numbers, you know?
01:18:49Odds and risk.
01:18:53I studied it,
01:18:55and I taught myself everything I could,
01:18:57and I taught myself everything I could, and...
01:19:00when I couldn't think of another reason
01:19:03to slap paint on yet another canvas that no one would want,
01:19:07and I started wondering whether I should slash myself to death with my palette knife,
01:19:12I came up with something that would allow me to support you.
01:19:16Oh, Nick.
01:19:18It was the best that I could do.
01:19:20The only option that didn't look like a soul sucker,
01:19:23didn't require a soul sucker suit.
01:19:26You make it sound so logical.
01:19:29It was.
01:19:32I wish you'd been able to accept that.
01:19:35So it was that simple all along.
01:19:38All I had to do was not care about...
01:19:42and just not care.
01:19:45If I didn't give a fuck about you,
01:19:47or you throwing away your talent,
01:19:49then we could still be married?
01:19:53Well, if that isn't fucking irony at its finest, hm?
01:19:59It was my dream.
01:20:03And I gave it up.
01:20:07Why can't you?
01:20:22Why can't you?
01:20:52Why can't you?
01:21:04What are you doing?
01:21:05I'm not going to be the keeper of your flame anymore.
01:21:23Fine.
01:21:31The dream is dead. I accept that.
01:21:52What if you only have to get up one more time?
01:22:22What if it's a thousand?
01:22:24And what if it's only one?
01:22:26What if you get to St. Peter's Gate and he says,
01:22:29Nick Harris, you only had to get up one more time.
01:22:36You want to gamble, Nick?
01:22:38Why don't you take the biggest gamble of all?
01:22:40Why don't you admit you lied to yourself
01:22:43and admit that you won it and go out and get it?
01:22:53What do you think the odds are?
01:22:58You tell me.
01:23:22You tell me.
01:23:52You tell me.
01:24:23You tell me.
01:24:28You tell me.
01:24:34You tell me.
01:24:39You tell me.
01:24:44You tell me.
01:24:52You tell me.
01:24:58You tell me.
01:25:08You tell me.
01:25:14You tell me.
01:25:22You tell me.
01:25:26You tell me.
01:25:31You tell me.
01:25:36You tell me.
01:25:42You tell me.
01:25:48You tell me.
01:25:52You tell me.