- 12 years ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Hi, I'm Ian and I'm the Lonely Chef and we have a fabulously funny show for you in the
00:10next half an hour.
00:12At the end of the show there's a number and I want you to jot it down and call me because
00:16well I'm single and I'm looking for a date and possibly a relationship and who knows
00:21maybe even marriage.
00:22I'm looking to meet somebody special.
00:25I'm fabulously wealthy, I want to settle down and I want to share this wealth with that
00:29special person and just live happily ever after.
00:33So enjoy the show and hopefully we'll meet.
00:37Until we do, goodbye.
00:39Oh, one more thing.
00:43I do happen to lie an awful lot.
00:48Lonely, I've been searching for so long.
00:54Lonely, only hoping you're the one who will change my life and make these dreams come
01:06true.
01:10Lonely, the time goes on and on.
01:17Lonely, still searching for the one.
01:24I would sail the seven oceans and cross the burning sand.
01:32Till the day I find you, never to be lonely again.
02:02When I play by myself like this I just think that I'm one of the luckiest people in the
02:17world.
02:18That I think I'm the luckiest person in the world is because I have finally found the
02:26girl of my dreams.
02:30This beautiful blonde with large brown eyes is going to come on the show in a few minutes.
02:36And for the first time ever on television, you're going to see the lonely chef, manly,
02:45hopelessly, silly-ly-ly-ly-ly-ly in love.
02:52I'm so excited!
03:00Anyway, we also have a wonderful little recipe, so stay tuned and we'll be right back.
03:07I'll introduce you to the love of my life, my dream girl.
03:30Well, I have to tell you, it is so wonderful being in love.
03:44Now, how many people out there have been in love, besides being in love with me?
03:50I know there's not many, but being in love is one of the most beautiful things, especially
04:03if you're in love with me, that can ever happen to you in your life.
04:07I, today, am in love, and I want to start off right at the top of this little session
04:12here saying I'm apologizing to all of those women that have sent in marriage proposals,
04:18offers to support me, you know, like a kept man.
04:22But, no, I'm sorry, I have now found my true love.
04:27She's wonderful, beautiful blonde, big brown eyes.
04:31Oh, she's so wonderful.
04:33And you're going to meet her here in a few minutes.
04:35But the show will go on.
04:37Instead of the lonely chef, it will be called the incredibly happy chef.
04:41So, you're not going to get rid of me that easy.
04:46But I just wanted to read you a poem from my best-selling book.
04:52Here's the book here right now.
04:54And you can order this by just calling in at the end of the show.
04:56It's called Recipes for Romance.
04:58But it's more than just a cookbook.
05:00It's a book full of love and wonderful courting tips and stuff like that.
05:05And the reason that I want to read you this poem is that this is about the girl that I fell in love with.
05:12And we met under a beautiful starlit night at an outdoor symphony.
05:16And we were listening to this beautiful piece of music.
05:18And I call this poem Adagio.
05:21It's in the book here.
05:23Never have I enjoyed a piece of music more than the trembling, tumbling notes of a beautiful music score.
05:30Of a Mozart adagio played under a dark and cloudy sky.
05:34Music of such incredible beauty it made my heart soar.
05:39And never have I enjoyed such a soft and tender kiss.
05:51Excuse me.
05:55Standing together on a windswept bluff high above the sea.
06:00I cannot forget the sensations, the touch, and the taste of you.
06:07For your kiss was like the beautiful music that made my heart soar.
06:14I'm sorry. I've got tears in my eyes.
06:18Let's go to a little lovely video by Clay Walker called Hypnotizing the Moon.
06:23And we'll be right back with his recipe once I've recovered.
06:30The Riggins were a very prominent family.
06:32They entertained so often here on the plantation.
06:35They entertained politicians, famous actors, some of the most prominent people of their time.
06:41Sir, we'll be moving along now.
06:43Just one moment, please.
06:45She knew she caught my eye.
06:58And that was all it took.
07:03And it's strange how forever changed with just one look.
07:14The magic filled the night.
07:18She touched my soul like no one else.
07:23Yes, the way that woman made me feel.
07:29Left me talking to myself.
07:37You better run for cover.
07:39You better hide your heart.
07:42Cause once you start to love her, you know you'll never stop.
07:47She shines like a diamond when she walks into a room.
07:53She could charm the stars, hypnotize the moon.
08:00Once I held her close, I knew just where I stood.
08:18No, you never get a second chance.
08:25It feels so good.
08:29Then and there I knew these words were etched in stone.
08:39You can't feel the power of the greatest love you've known.
08:50You better run for cover.
08:54You better hide your heart.
08:57Cause once you start to love her, you know you'll never stop.
09:02She shines like a diamond when she walks into a room.
09:08She could charm the stars, hypnotize the moon.
09:20You better run for cover.
09:23You better hide your heart.
09:26Cause once you start to love her, you know you'll never stop.
09:31She shines like a diamond when she walks into a room.
09:37She could charm the stars, hypnotize the moon.
09:42Once I held her close, I knew just where I stood.
09:48She shines like a diamond when she walks into a room.
09:54She could charm the stars.
09:58She could charm the stars, hypnotize the moon.
10:18I'm just so happy.
10:30I'm just such a romantic at heart.
10:38I've got a little flower for myself.
10:42I'm going to give this to my love when she comes in.
10:46You're going to meet her in just a little while.
10:50But I suppose I'd better start cooking.
10:56So, I'm so happy.
11:02Let me get the tears out of my eyes.
11:05Alright, we'll be back in just a second and we'll get myself under control
11:10and I'll cook up this wonderful meal for this lovely lady.
11:13I know you're having fun at home and you're happy for me.
11:42Alright, I'm under control now.
11:44I'm my normal happy self, direct from British Intelligence.
11:48But stay tuned because you are going to meet,
11:51in just a few minutes, the love of my life.
11:53This beautiful blonde with the large brown eyes
11:56that you'll just fall in love with as I have.
11:59But anyway, let's do a little bit of cooking here.
12:01I've got some butter in the pan here
12:04and I'm just going to squeeze a little garlic in there, like so.
12:08And we'll get that just cooking up here.
12:11Get that nice sizzle sound happening
12:13and make sure that everything's all exciting.
12:16I don't know, my legs are rubbery.
12:20My heart is pounding.
12:24I don't know, every time I'm around this young lady,
12:27I just go silly.
12:32That's what love is all about, isn't it? Being silly.
12:37Oh boy, I just, I don't know.
12:40Being in love is special, you know.
12:42I remember when I used to travel through France
12:45when I was a youngster and I would...
12:47Oh, what am I doing here?
12:49See what I mean?
12:51I'm totally out of control.
12:53I'm hopelessly, wildly, crazily in love.
12:59Silly me.
13:02Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy.
13:04It's a wonderful feeling.
13:06You know, it's nice when you have somebody that you really love
13:09and you give and you give and you give
13:11and both of you give so much, nobody takes.
13:14It's wonderful.
13:18You know, for so long I've been giving everything to myself
13:25because that was my last true great love.
13:29But anyway, these onions are just sort of sautéing here nicely in this garlic.
13:35And what we've got here,
13:37and this is like an aphrodisiac type of meal here,
13:40I have some fresh oysters direct from my waterbed.
13:43And we're going to use cornflakes again.
13:53Now I don't know if you know this or not,
13:55but I've been doing this show for a number of years
13:58and I was the first person in the world
14:01to use cornflakes as a crumb coating on different foods.
14:04And wouldn't you believe it,
14:06the manufacturers of cornflakes are now crumbing them up
14:10so that you can put them on food.
14:13That's the wonderful thing about the lonely chef
14:15who is about to be lonely no more.
14:18Yes, it's wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.
14:21Oh, I'm so excited.
14:23I could just bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.
14:30Silly, silly, love, love, love.
14:34Anyway, what we've got here, we've got these oysters.
14:37Oh, and these are nice, firm oysters.
14:40They're directly from the Pacific
14:42because they don't grow in the Atlantic.
14:44Did you know that?
14:45Only in the Pacific.
14:48Oh, look at these.
14:51Now we just coat these, coat these in these cornflakes.
14:56And you just fry these and it's so wonderful.
14:59It just tastes so great.
15:01My girlfriend loves these.
15:02She just wallops these down like you wouldn't believe.
15:06She could probably eat about 200 of these little babies.
15:09I've never seen anybody eat so much, so fast.
15:13But she's in love with me, so, you know.
15:15You'll see both of us around the table
15:17like a couple of vacuum cleaners.
15:22Let's get eating over with
15:24and onto some action around the fireplace
15:27with a glass of wine, you know what I mean?
15:30We play Scrabble a lot.
15:33Anyway, we put these into the pan with those onions.
15:38And then what we do,
15:40and it's the reason that I do this in a certain order, by the way.
15:43It takes a little longer for the onions to cook than the oysters do.
15:46And what we're also going to do now is put in some wonderful prawns.
15:50And we have these here, like so.
15:53And we'll just take a few of these and skin them.
15:59I don't know. You know, I've never been married in my life before.
16:02I think this is really exciting.
16:04And I might even pop the question tonight, you know what I mean?
16:12I went out to a really exclusive diamond store,
16:18Woolworths,
16:22and picked up a really nice ring.
16:24I have it in my pocket.
16:26Well, you know, who knows what the evening may bring?
16:33But no, I know that all of you females out there are very disappointed
16:37that I'm not on the market anymore.
16:42And I know that all you guys out there are excited because, well,
16:50you don't have any competition anymore.
16:55I mean, I don't know if I've told you this or not,
16:58but this show has caused more divorces over the last number of years
17:02because even happily married women, once they've seen the show,
17:06they just want to run away.
17:10Actually, not just from the husband, from the television set.
17:15But anyway, I should tell you a little bit about this young lady that I met.
17:21I was out jogging one day, and I was running a marathon,
17:26usually in record time.
17:28Well, all of a sudden, wouldn't you believe it,
17:30this young lady came running up beside me,
17:33just took right off in the lead, and I had to chase.
17:36I had to chase.
17:38And I've never done that before.
17:40I have never chased a woman before.
17:43But I finally caught her, and I said,
17:48You sly dog.
17:51Why don't you come over to my place, and we'll have something to eat.
17:55And she turned around and looked at me with these big brown eyes,
18:00and that was it.
18:02I just melted.
18:04I just melted.
18:06And I am so excited because I think that, I don't know,
18:11it's wonderful when this instant thing happens.
18:13You get that chemistry going.
18:15Two volatile type chemicals sort of getting together,
18:18and everything sort of starts jiggling and stuff like that.
18:22And then it starts to erupt.
18:26And then it, well, you know what I mean.
18:32Anyway, we've got this stuff here, and we've put those prawns in.
18:36And now we need to put in some peppers.
18:38We'll get this nice, fresh pepper flavor coming into this dish.
18:44I bet you're excited to see who's finally stolen my heart, huh?
18:49I know you are.
18:52Well, I think you're going to like her.
18:55She has a wonderful, friendly nature.
18:58What else can I tell you about her?
19:01Well, no, I can't tell you that.
19:06Oh, silly me.
19:14Oh, I almost let it slip that time.
19:17Got myself into trouble.
19:20Anyway, we'll be back in just a minute.
19:22We'll finish off this meal,
19:24and I'm going to introduce you to the girl of my dreams.
19:26So stay tuned.
19:57I mean, this is the moment that you have waited for all these years
20:03to find out who has finally stolen my heart that I'm madly in love with.
20:08Before I introduce you, I should just go over this recipe a little here
20:13and mention to you.
20:22Here she is. Here she is.
20:24This is Snoopy.
20:28Isn't she wonderful?
20:30Lovely golden hair and a wonderful smile.
20:34I'm going to serve up this wonderful recipe now.
20:37Snoopy, there you go.
20:41She just loves my cooking, too.
20:49Oh, she's wonderful, isn't she?
20:53Silly me. You don't like it?
20:55Oh, well, have a little more. There you go.
20:59And the beautiful thing about having a relationship with a dog like this
21:03is that all they ask for is a little love and a little...
21:09Isn't that a little hot for you there, puppy?
21:12Well, there you go.
21:15Well, I need to sort of work on her little...
21:18Oh, wasn't that good? Yes.
21:21I think that might be a little hot, so maybe what we should do is blow on this
21:25and cool it off a little bit.
21:31Oh, you're so lovely.
21:36Oh, that's a good piece, wasn't it?
21:39But when you have a pet, all they ask for is a little love.
21:43So wherever you are or whatever pet you have,
21:46just make sure that you feed them properly, look after them,
21:49and take them to the vet, get them checked out,
21:51make sure that you love them back
21:54because they really are a man's best friend.
21:58Oh, you little saucy thing, you.
22:04Let's see if we can find some big chunks of meat in there, shall we?
22:08Let's see if we can find some of these. I know you love these big chunks.
22:11Oh, oh, that might be a little hot. Watch out.
22:18Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Let me try this one.
22:25Is that good? Is that good?
22:28Yeah, this is my little puppy, Snoopy, and he's only about six months old,
22:33and we just love one another a bit, don't we?
22:36Want a little kiss for Daddy?
22:38No, I think you're more interested in the food, right?
22:41Looks like the relationship's over.
22:50Okay, I'll tell you what, I'll take this bowl, you take this bowl.
22:55There you go. Isn't that good?
22:58Yeah. Kiss, kiss?
23:00We'll be back next time. Whoa!
23:03See you later.
23:06If you would like to order a copy of The Lonely Chef's Recipes for Romance,
23:11then pick up the phone right now and call 1-800-665-2433
23:18and have your credit card ready.
23:36Hi.
23:44It's fine.
24:05The Lonely Chef Recipes