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Video Information:
Interview Session, 12.01.20, Advait Bodhsthal, Greater Noida, India.

Context:
~ Do we really understand affection?
~ Are love and affection is the same thing?
~ Is the Public Display of Affection (PDA), harmful to society and culture?
~ Is PDA a healthy sign of maturity?
~ What about people who try to censor PDA through moral policing?
~ What is affection?

Music Credits: Milind Date
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Category

📚
Learning
Transcript
00:00Namaskar Acharyaji, I have a question which relates to the youth of today to us.
00:17So, we are now comfortable with public display of affection.
00:26It is in a sense, you know, our expression of freedom for the other, we are in a relationship,
00:32so we have nothing to hide.
00:35But there is a certain resistance against it, so it's being looked down upon.
00:41However, I feel that it is something that we have evolved towards, it's more freedom.
00:47So why is there still resistance towards it?
00:51So public display of affection, right?
00:58Let's come to the central word first of all, affection.
01:14Is this that is being displayed, or most of the times prevented from being displayed?
01:31Actually affection, if it is really pure affection, which is love, then its display
01:50in public can have no harmful effect upon the public.
01:57Those who attack public display of affection, PDA, they say that by doing these things in
02:05public you are setting a harmful, corrupting example towards those who are watching these
02:19things, that's their argument.
02:26Now the fact is that if the relationship is really based on solid fundamentals, if
02:37the relationship really has some depth, genuine sincerity, then that relationship will only
02:48set a beautiful and life-giving example in front of all and everyone who comes across
02:58it or watches its display.
03:02So it's not really public display of love that is harmful, it cannot be harmful, love
03:10cannot be harmful to anybody.
03:13If love is really pure, that's the catch.
03:18So the question is not really the public display part of it, when we say PDA, PD is not so
03:26much of a problem, that A is what needs to be questioned.
03:33You see affection and love are different things, if you go into books of wisdom, if you hear
03:40the words of those who have understood life and the world, they will tell you that affections
03:46are a problem, love is the solution and affection is a problem, affection is almost an affliction,
03:55a disease, are you getting it?
04:00So what is it that you are demonstrating in front of the public?
04:04If you are demonstrating pure love, then pure love knows its own way, it's like a pure stream,
04:12it knows how to flow, where to flow and which ocean to reach.
04:19So if the individuals concerned are really in a relationship of pure love, then obviously
04:33first of all they have all the freedom to do as they please, secondly even if the society
04:39wants to stop them, it cannot because pure love cannot be stopped.
04:47So public display is a secondary issue.
04:52First of all we must discuss the quality of relationship among these individuals who choose
05:00to often demonstrate loudly in public and when I say demonstration that brings me to
05:06another issue.
05:11There are lot of couples who are so reticent, almost ashamed about their relationship that
05:22they never even hold hands in public.
05:27The PDA stuff that you are talking of is more of a metropolitan phenomena.
05:33If you go to the general towns, normal cities and small towns and villages, it is still
05:44a norm that even married couples do not even hold hands in public.
05:54Now that is equally problematic, there again you have to question the nature of relationship.
06:01If your relationship is of pure love, why have you made the society so important that
06:09your mutual conduct towards each other is being dictated by the presence or absence
06:18of others around you?
06:21I am not advocating that all married couples should hug in public or kiss in public or
06:27do all those things.
06:29What I am talking of is the quality of relationship.
06:33What is the quality of relationship between a husband and wife if the husband looks around
06:38ten times before even hugging her?
06:43What kind of love is this that is so scared?
06:47Please get me straight, I am neither advocating this side nor that side, I am trying to come
06:53to a more moot issue.
06:58We often say as you said that your generation wants to be more expressive, more open and
07:11then there is the vast majority of those who say that by themselves they do not want to
07:17come out in open and be public about it.
07:25To both these sides this question needs to be asked, what is it that makes you relate
07:29to the other?
07:32What is it that makes you relate to the other?
07:36If it is merely a relationship of convenience or bodily attraction then obviously the message
07:44that you are sending to everybody who is watching you is not very beneficial.
07:57At the same time if you are sure of who you are and therefore why you are relating to
08:05the other then no power in the world can stop you.
08:14Your effect upon everybody will only be beneficial and that is the thing about love.
08:26It benefits everyone but that is not the thing about affection.
08:32When you say that you are in relationship with one particular person, you are attached
08:39to that person, that person has become special to you, then it is only the interest of that
08:46one particular person that becomes supreme to you.
08:50You tend to neglect the interests of others.
08:56In love that does not happen.
09:00Love has a beautiful mystical quality about it in which the entire world benefits in direct
09:10or indirect ways from a loving person.
09:16So if two real lovers are walking down a street, believe me all residents would be benefited.
09:29Do not ask me how, it just happens.
09:31I said love has a mystical quality about it, it just happens.
09:42How would one differentiate?
09:45Suppose I am somebody who is closed minded in the sense towards any sense of affection
09:52being shown towards the other, how would I differentiate, how would I know?
09:57That's your responsibility, that's your responsibility not towards the onlookers but towards yourself.
10:06How do you afford to not to know?
10:10If you are alive and if you are in relationships, how do you afford to not to know who you are
10:19and why you are relating to the other?
10:23That obviously does not mean that somebody else gets the license to intercept you and
10:30regulate you and dominate you and tell you how to do your personal stuff.
10:38That obviously is out of the question.
10:44But then you do have a great individual responsibility to ask yourself, I am hugging and kissing
10:52this person in public, who exactly is he?
10:56What does he mean to me?
10:58And you should be doing this irrespective of whether somebody is objecting to your relationship
11:03or not.
11:07You might be living in Europe or Australia or America where nobody objects to PDA.
11:14But still it is your own obligation towards yourself to ask yourself, who is this person
11:21I have allowed to enter my life?
11:27How has he become the center of my universe?
11:31How has he become so important to me that all the time I am found sticking to him?
11:36Who is he?
11:38That's the important question.
11:40And if you are right, the other one is right and the reasons in the relationship are right,
11:50then whether you display it publicly or not, it doesn't matter.
11:57Whether you display it publicly, whether you don't display it publicly, it would be good
12:01for you and it would be good for everybody else.
12:08But for those who are objecting, do they have any way of…
12:13They have no authority.
12:17Nobody has any authority, especially those who themselves do not know who they are.
12:26Those who object are mostly objecting for so-called cultural reasons.
12:31These are pseudo-cultural reasons.
12:32They do not even know culture.
12:34Ask them to define culture, they would be clueless.
12:39So they are out of the question.
12:45You see, when you say public display of affection, it includes both the sides, right?
12:51Display means a positive display as well as a hindered display.
13:00So they too are PDA candidates.
13:05You are displaying your affection by hugging in public and they are demonstrating their
13:13brand of affection by not even touching each other in public.
13:18That too is a particular type of display.
13:22Do you get it?
13:24You are not displaying merely when you are hugging or kissing.
13:27You are also displaying when you refuse to even touch each other.
13:32That too is a particular quality of display.
13:35So all kinds of display apart come to the central point.
13:41Who are you and why are you being seen walking with the other?
13:47What is the other bringing to your life?
13:48What are you bringing to the other's life?
13:51Are you in a relationship that would really enhance each other or would the relationship
14:01actually degrade the two of you?
14:05Remember, if the relationship is such that it enhances the two of you, then it would
14:12also enhance the rest of the world.
14:19This is a little bit of a tangent, but sometimes it is used in a revolting manner, like you
14:27would display in public so that those who do not do it can also see that such things
14:36happen.
14:37So, is that an all right way?
14:40It's a very adolescent way of revolting.
14:45It has some value, but very minimal.
14:51Acharyaji, this message, is it also going out to those who are the so-called torchbearers,
14:58cultural, moral guardians who know how to tell love from affection or is this only going
15:04out to the lovers on the streets?
15:06Obviously, this message is for everyone.
15:09Every individual has first and foremost the obligation to ask himself, why is he doing
15:17what he is doing?
15:19You see, let's say there is a couple and they are indulging in very obvious and very
15:33loud acts of PDA and then there are two people who are approaching these two in an aggressive
15:46manner with the intention of censoring them, stopping them, asking them to move away.
15:56Both the sides need to ask each other, what are we doing?
16:01These two need to ask each other, what is it that has so possessed us that we must do
16:08what we are doing right now?
16:10And those two who are branding themselves as guardians of culture or morality have an
16:19equal responsibility to ask themselves, what authority do we have to tell somebody to do
16:28or not do what he is doing?
16:32Both must be stopped in their internal tracks.
16:38Both are carrying a certain blind internal momentum and both of them feel that they are
16:48justified in their own way.
16:50There is a 99% chance that neither side is really conscious of what it is doing and why
16:59it is doing.
17:06Our last question on this topic Acharya ji, would you say that it is the misappropriation,
17:14misrecognition of the spiritual idea of love by the so-called moral guardians that has
17:24motivated them to intervene between personal and public?
17:28Yes, obviously.
17:29And would you not go to the extent of also acknowledging that this non-bodily conception
17:36of love is also playing a big role?
17:39I will come to both of these one by one.
17:43You see, spirituality has been substituted and once it is substituted, it does not matter
17:50what is it that takes its place.
17:54In the case of the couples belonging to the more so-called advanced cities of the country,
18:07spirituality has been substituted by a brand of shallow liberalism.
18:17In the case of those who act as the moral police and cultural guardians, spirituality
18:27has been substituted by culturalism.
18:32Now be it liberalism or culturalism of whatever kind, these are very poor substitutes to real
18:44understanding.
18:45When I say spirituality, I do not mean any kind of mumbo-jumbo and all the nonsensical
18:53superstitious stuff.
18:54I am not talking of that.
18:55I am just talking of understanding, knowing, realization.
19:02So this side, without knowing, thinks that it is just alright to do whatever one wants
19:10to do, what I want to do is supreme.
19:15This side has turned the ego as its master.
19:22That's what liberalism is commonly understood or misunderstood as.
19:32I have all the right to do as I please.
19:35I have all the right to do whatever I am doing without being introspective, without
19:40being meditative, without having the patience and the courage to go within myself, explore
19:49things, question my intentions and discover the truth.
19:52And that side, that side thinks that it is already on the right side of religion, spirituality,
20:03morality, everything.
20:05That side has arrogated to itself all the righteousness.
20:11I am definitely the one in the right and who are you?
20:18I can thrash you, I can smash you, I can throw you out of the park, don't sit here, I know
20:24who I am.
20:26It becomes very difficult to decide which of these two sides is deeper in ignorance.
20:35Though if I have to pick the one who is more deeply ignorant, I would probably have to
20:42point towards that side.
20:45This side would at least be ready to listen.
20:53Listening is one of the qualities here because they are prepared to discuss and debate.
20:58That other side is not even prepared to discuss and debate, they think they already know.
21:04They feel that their acts have been sanctioned by some supreme heavenly authority.
21:09They feel they have some kind of supernatural religious sanction to their acts.
21:15So, obviously both of these are ignorant and both these sides need education, real inner education.
21:24Glad Acharyaji that you touched upon it towards the end because I was about to ask if given
21:32a choice what would you choose, I mean a slap on the street or a kiss on the street because
21:39the both sides are enacting these.
21:40Neither, neither, neither, neither.
21:45It's not about slapping somebody on the street, neither is it about just going around blindly
21:51kissing people on the street.
21:53Not people, not the one you love, not the one, the one that you are with.
21:57Why are you with the one you are with?
22:00I'm coming back to that question.
22:03So, both these sides need education.
22:08It's just that one side is probably going to be a little more prepared to be educated.
22:14The other side will say we are already educated.
22:19That's the situation.

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