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Chris tombe éperdument amoureux d'Allison, une femme juive, et veut même l'épouser. Il demande à son ami de l'aider à devenir plus juif.

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Original Title : Finding Mrs Right
Catégorie : Film en Français Complet en VF, VOSTFR, Comédie, Romance, Humour, Emotion, Film Entier
© 2025 - Tous Droits Réservés
Transcription
00:44:52Le bar mitzvah.
00:44:53Oi.
00:44:54This is our newest member.
00:44:55I was telling you about Avi.
00:44:56Hi.
00:44:57I'm Avi Rosenberg.
00:44:58Welcome to Beth Jacob, Avi.
00:44:59Thank you, Rabbi.
00:45:00Has Marcy warned you about our little club?
00:45:02Oh, no.
00:45:03Uh, club?
00:45:0418 years ago, a boy named Adam Lipschitz had a panic attack during his bar mitzvah,
00:45:09dropped his trousers, and exposed himself to the congregation.
00:45:14That's messed up.
00:45:15Oh, it is messed up, Avi.
00:45:16What's even more messed up is that to this day, Adam's lewd act has become the rite of
00:45:21passage for every boy who's had his bar mitzvah at our temple.
00:45:24In fact, there hasn't been a bar mitzvah boy since 1993 who hasn't shown his to the entire
00:45:31congregation.
00:45:32I've tried everything.
00:45:33They won't stop.
00:45:34I've seen the penises of 459 young boys.
00:45:38So unless you're really into schlongs, Avi, this ain't the temple for you.
00:45:42He gets excited.
00:45:45Avi, Shlomi and I are so embarrassed that on your very first Saturday morning service with
00:45:51you had to see.
00:45:53Genitals.
00:45:54And we sincerely hope that the fact that our temple has a club won't make you consider
00:45:59joining elsewhere.
00:46:00Not at all.
00:46:01Not at all.
00:46:02What was the name of the young man who started it all?
00:46:04Adam Lipschitz?
00:46:05Lipschitz.
00:46:06I hope I don't run into him, huh?
00:46:08Yes, don't we all.
00:46:09I've seen enough.
00:46:10What a freak.
00:46:11Excuse me, Rabbi.
00:46:12Would you like some fish?
00:46:13Oh, yes.
00:46:14Thank you, uh, Hymen.
00:46:21Thank you.
00:46:22Oi.
00:46:23Wow.
00:46:24I have to say our people have invented a lot of lousy food, but gefilte fish might be
00:46:29the worst.
00:46:31My advice is to get it over with as quickly as possible.
00:46:37Two bites.
00:46:38Wham.
00:46:39Bam.
00:46:40Done.
00:46:41Ah.
00:46:42Shlomi, honey, are you all right?
00:46:46Go away!
00:46:47Damn it, Shlomo.
00:46:48I am coming in now.
00:46:49No, you don't want to see this.
00:46:50It'll change you.
00:46:51It changed me.
00:46:52I'm shitting relatives.
00:46:53Oh, Marcy.
00:46:54I hate to do this to you, Cupcake, but I think I'm gonna have to bow out of the tournament.
00:46:58No.
00:46:59No, no, no, no, no, Shlomo.
00:47:00You are not doing any such thing.
00:47:01Now, this is the finals.
00:47:02If we have to take some sort of slop bucket, then so be it.
00:47:03I'm sorry, Lollipop.
00:47:04But we'll just have to wait another year to beat those damn fleisters.
00:47:06Darn it.
00:47:07What tournament?
00:47:08What tournament?
00:47:09What tournament?
00:47:10What tournament?
00:47:11I'm sorry.
00:47:12I'm sorry, Lollipop.
00:47:13But we'll just have to wait another year to beat those damn fleisters.
00:47:16Darn it.
00:47:17What tournament?
00:47:19What tournament?
00:47:20It is the NBLA Regionals.
00:47:23We are in the finals.
00:47:24It starts in three hours.
00:47:25Oh.
00:47:26But, well, I guess that I won't be going this year.
00:47:30I play bridge.
00:47:32Dear God, all I do is help you.
00:47:35I want to thank all of you for taking part in what is the world's greatest sporting event,
00:47:45Duplicate Bridge.
00:47:47Of course.
00:47:48Stand up.
00:47:49Feel the sun.
00:47:50You know your time has come.
00:47:53All or not.
00:47:54It's time to feel alive.
00:47:56Oh.
00:47:57Oh.
00:47:58Oh.
00:47:59Oh.
00:48:00Oh.
00:48:01Oh.
00:48:02Give me a four of diamonds.
00:48:03Four of diamonds.
00:48:04Give me an eight of clubs.
00:48:05The eight of clubs.
00:48:06Give me an eight of clubs.
00:48:07The eight of clubs.
00:48:08Give me an eight of spades.
00:48:09Cates of spades.
00:48:10And what does that spell?
00:48:11AVA.
00:48:12Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:48:42Vous avez tous été briefed sur les règles.
00:48:44Three boards.
00:48:45Two out of three wins.
00:48:47Let's keep it clean.
00:48:50Begin!
00:49:03Yes!
00:49:04Rosenberg-Martins.
00:49:051-0.
00:49:09They're freaking me out a little bit.
00:49:11Pay no attention.
00:49:12I've been playing with them for years.
00:49:13It's disturbing.
00:49:24You can do this, right?
00:49:25Trust me.
00:49:26It's over.
00:49:28Trump!
00:49:29What?
00:49:30Trump, baby!
00:49:31It's called Trump!
00:49:32It's called Trump!
00:49:33It's called Trump!
00:49:34You did it!
00:49:36You did it!
00:49:37You did it!
00:49:38You did it!
00:49:39We did it!
00:49:40We did it!
00:49:41We did it!
00:49:42Oh, honey!
00:49:43Did you see us?
00:49:44Obviously.
00:49:45Avi, what are you doing here?
00:49:46What?
00:49:47You two know each other?
00:49:48Yeah, this is the girl I told you about.
00:49:49We went on a date.
00:49:50She never called me back.
00:49:51How do you two know each other?
00:49:52That's my daughter.
00:49:53What?
00:49:54Your daughter?
00:49:55Uh, mom, could I talk to you just for a second?
00:49:56Um, I-I met that guy at your last mixer.
00:49:57We went on a date and he ended up being in a couple of seconds.
00:49:58He's in a couple of seconds.
00:49:59We two know each other.
00:50:00I'm gonna say something.
00:50:01OK.
00:50:02Ah, I'm gonna say something.
00:50:03Ah, I'm gonna say something.
00:50:04Ah, I'm gonna say something.
00:50:06Why aren't you going to say something?
00:50:07You do it and say something.
00:50:08The last two are my own.
00:50:10I'm gonna say something.
00:50:11Why aren't you gonna say something?
00:50:12How do you two know each other?
00:50:13That's my daughter.
00:50:14What?
00:50:15Your daughter?
00:50:16Uh, mom, could I talk to you?
00:50:17Just for a second?
00:50:19Hey, we have two guys.
00:50:20I said something.
00:50:21I'll say something.
00:50:22A lot.
00:50:23I thought I'd say something.
00:50:24On a date, and he ended up being one of the strangest guys I've ever met.
00:50:28How can you possibly say that? I think he is wonderful.
00:50:31He asked our waiter if he could chew him down on the check,
00:50:34and then he said that I had a cute little jupeak.
00:50:37Oh, oh, I'm sure that he was just joking. He's very funny.
00:50:41Really? Okay.
00:50:42Well, then we went to a jazz club, and he stood up in front of everyone
00:50:45and said that Smokey Joe Jefferson was a schwarza.
00:50:49Well, he is one, isn't he?
00:50:50He is a psycho. I mean, isn't it obvious that he's, like, stalking me?
00:50:53Oh, please. Now, come on.
00:50:55I mean, the man is a doctor. It's not like he has time to stalk.
00:50:59No, obviously, this is some sort of crazy coincidence that, you know, it's...
00:51:04Now, wait a minute.
00:51:07Actually, I don't...
00:51:09I don't think that this is a coincidence at all.
00:51:13No, I think that this just might be fate trying to get you two together.
00:51:20Wow. I have never heard you like this.
00:51:22All right, Allison, darling, listen to me.
00:51:25Now, you are 27 years old.
00:51:27And have I ever tried to set you up with anyone?
00:51:29No. And why is that?
00:51:31Because I have never felt that anyone was good enough for you.
00:51:35Until now.
00:51:37Mm-mm.
00:51:38Mm-mm-mm-mm.
00:51:39What are you doing?
00:51:47What?
00:51:48I told you to let me get to the altar, look at me for 15 seconds, let the tension build, and then slowly pull my veil back.
00:51:55And where is the rabbi? Can somebody get him off the shitter?
00:51:58Okay, fine, whatever. Let's just keep going.
00:52:00No, we can't keep going. We have to keep doing it till we get it right.
00:52:03Adam, your timing was way off. I clocked you pulling back the veil after four seconds.
00:52:07Yeah, that's the least of our problems. You didn't even have tears in your eyes when you lifted up the veil.
00:52:11It's a rehearsal.
00:52:12Who cares if it's a rehearsal? Don't you love my daughter so much that you tear up every time you see her?
00:52:16I can't believe you're being so insensitive.
00:52:18Don't you know that she is still recovering from her surgery?
00:52:21Oh, by the way, Hannah has your new vetch.
00:52:24Jill, stop talking about Hannah's vagina. Less ugly?
00:52:28Dennis!
00:52:28Dad.
00:52:29What?
00:52:29Pookie poo? The Daniels are right?
00:52:31You really need to take this a little bit more seriously because we only have three more rehearsals left till the wedding.
00:52:37Megan, sweetie, your pedal throng's got a little bit sloppy and unfocused.
00:52:41Remember, it's three pedals per step. Screw it up again and you're both out.
00:52:45Dad!
00:52:47Okay, so let's take it from the poems.
00:52:49What? The poems?
00:52:51Yes.
00:52:52Oh, honey, you want to do that now? I thought that was going to be a surprise for the wedding day.
00:52:56It's going to be a surprise for the guests, but I need to see how you perform it so I can give you notes.
00:53:01Okay.
00:53:04Hannah.
00:53:04Yes?
00:53:05The day I met you, it was like a dream, even more thrilling than my father's new embroidery machine.
00:53:12Fine.
00:53:12Fine.
00:53:13My feelings towards you are so extreme that sometimes when I'm with you, I just...
00:53:18I just want to...
00:53:19Scream.
00:53:21What grade is he in?
00:53:22The thought of being without you words can't explain.
00:53:26If you only knew what was going on inside my brain...
00:53:32Brain. Brain.
00:53:33Brain.
00:53:34Brain.
00:53:34I can't believe I'm about to spend the rest of my years with you.
00:53:38Dad.
00:53:39And in just a few minutes, I'm going to say the words...
00:53:45I...
00:53:46I...
00:53:47I...
00:53:49I'm going to say the words I...
00:53:55What are you doing?
00:53:58I'm not ready to be a man.
00:54:01What?
00:54:02Again?
00:54:02I'm not ready to be a man.
00:54:04Finally, he says something true.
00:54:06What?
00:54:06I'm not ready to be a man.
00:54:09I'm not ready to be a man.
00:54:11I'm not ready to be a man.
00:54:12I'm not ready to be a man.
00:54:13Adam.
00:54:14Adam.
00:54:15This is why I wanted to rehearse.
00:54:17What the fuck?
00:54:19You're kidding, right?
00:54:20No, no, because, um, sex, you know, has a way of complicating things.
00:54:25And I want to get to know you.
00:54:27I want to get to know the real you.
00:54:29I can't believe you're saying this.
00:54:31I've never met a guy who wanted to wait.
00:54:33So, um, I saw your commercial.
00:54:35So I went to the palace, and we've been hanging out ever since.
00:54:38He never said a word to us about this.
00:54:39God forbid he should tell us anything.
00:54:41Have you heard from him at all in the last week?
00:54:43No, no, I've been calling him, too.
00:54:45He hasn't returned any of my calls.
00:54:46What if he was murdered by the homeless meth heads?
00:54:49What if he was blown by a vampire?
00:54:51Did he say anything about Hannah, about the wedding?
00:54:53No, nothing.
00:54:55Daddy!
00:54:56You know what?
00:54:56He probably just got cold feet.
00:54:57I disappeared for six months before my wedding.
00:55:00Right, honey?
00:55:00Uh, that was me.
00:55:01Oh, that's right.
00:55:03How are you a doctor?
00:55:05Oh, God!
00:55:06He's gone forever, and I'm never gonna have a baby!
00:55:12Oh, God!
00:55:14I'm never gonna have a grandchild!
00:55:17Oh, God!
00:55:20No!
00:55:22God damn it!
00:55:22Do something, Bruce!
00:55:25Oh, no!
00:55:27No!
00:55:30No.
00:55:32Oh, God!
00:55:33What?
00:55:40Oh, no, really, ma'am.
00:55:41Hello?
00:55:42Oh, no, really, ma'am.
00:55:43Oh, no, really, ma'am.
00:55:43Adam!
00:55:44Oh!
00:55:44I am.
00:55:49Now, the doctors at the hospital referred you to Serenity Hills
00:55:52parce qu'ils ont pensé qu'Adam a besoin d'un environnement plus intense pour son condition.
00:55:58Il est condition?
00:56:00Oh, Adam a souffert de cause de post-traumatic stress disorder.
00:56:04Oh...
00:56:05What the...
00:56:06I didn't do it.
00:56:07I just don't understand what could have caused all this.
00:56:09Not again.
00:56:10And...
00:56:11Your fault.
00:56:12Honey, you can still change your mind.
00:56:17What the...
00:56:18Seems fine to me.
00:56:21Get him!
00:56:22Run!
00:56:23Get him!
00:56:24Get back here!
00:56:25In a case like Adam's, who has a long history of panic attacks,
00:56:29it's not uncommon that he would reach what we refer to as the ha,
00:56:34or the hyper-aroused state.
00:56:39What we are watching are nuts.
00:56:41Numbness.
00:56:42Numbing.
00:56:43Sorry, sorry.
00:56:44Now, over the next 21 days...
00:56:4621 days?
00:56:47No, no, no.
00:56:48That is July 2nd.
00:56:49July 2nd is my wedding.
00:56:50Well, you gotta get him out of it quicker than that.
00:56:51I got 200 grand in deposits.
00:56:52Do you have, like, an express service?
00:56:54Express service?
00:56:55This is our only son you're talking about!
00:56:57We're not putting him in some express service!
00:56:59Whoa!
00:57:00Whoa!
00:57:01Just relax, breathe.
00:57:03We need 21 days, and if you cannot give us that, then get him out of here!
00:57:08Oh!
00:57:09We could go swimming.
00:57:10I don't know.
00:57:11It's gonna be okay.
00:57:12Look, he looks better on the ladder.
00:57:13Is it just me, or does that dolphin look like him?
00:57:17No!
00:57:18You can't bring him down with me!
00:57:19Ever!
00:57:20Give him time!
00:57:21Give him time!
00:57:22Give him time!
00:57:23Give him time!
00:57:24You're here tonight, bear!
00:57:25You, Adam!
00:57:26You!
00:57:27Johnny Williams, come on down!
00:57:31Oh, gosh.
00:57:32They've seen this since I was a kid.
00:57:35New Jersey!
00:57:36Wow.
00:57:37It's amazing they can still find humans who will actually appear in this show.
00:57:42I'm Salah Khan.
00:57:44I've been assigned to be your primary counsellor.
00:57:46I've been assigned to be your primary counsellor.
00:57:49Look.
00:57:50If you don't want to talk, it's no problem.
00:57:52You don't have to talk.
00:57:54You know, these things take time.
00:57:56And I've got all the time you need.
00:58:00All right.
00:58:01Are you ready for some Paco?
00:58:02Okay, let's do it.
00:58:03Let's do it.
00:58:04Let's walk out.
00:58:05Yeah.
00:58:06And give it a drop.
00:58:08Okay.
00:58:09All right.
00:58:10Here it goes.
00:58:11It takes a little tea time.
00:58:12Why is it the only fat people make it into the showdown?
00:58:15Well, this is the time.
00:58:17Fine.
00:58:18You know, you want to sit there like a vegetable all day, pretend like you don't hear me, then
00:58:23go right ahead.
00:58:24All right.
00:58:25But my job is to make you well again by having you face the traumatic events that have forced
00:58:30you into this state.
00:58:31So unless you're willing to turn off the TV and do that, then I would save the $2,500 a day
00:58:36you're spending here and go check yourself into a hotel.
00:58:38All right.
00:58:39Suit yourself.
00:58:40You stare all you like, little man.
00:58:47What did you just say?
00:58:53What did you do, to the TV show?
00:58:54A black man.
00:58:55I have!
00:58:56I have!
00:58:57I have!
00:58:59So anyway.
00:59:00The moyle slips.
00:59:01A piece falls off.
00:59:02Hits me in the pun-um.
00:59:03I've been cockeyed ever since.
00:59:05So, Avi.
00:59:06Allison tells me you're from Skokie.
00:59:07Yeah.
00:59:08Yeah.
00:59:09Al et I grew up in Glenview
00:59:10Sorry, excuse me
00:59:13Oh really
00:59:14Yeah, we were practically neighbours
00:59:16Your family still there?
00:59:18Nope
00:59:18Where'd they move to?
00:59:20They moved
00:59:20To heaven
00:59:22Oh, I'm so sorry
00:59:25When did they pass?
00:59:28They, um
00:59:29They passed a few years back
00:59:31I can't believe you never told me that
00:59:33Well, it's hard to talk about
00:59:35It's very raw
00:59:36Why, what happened?
00:59:37Hunting accident
00:59:38Oi
00:59:39Hunting accident
00:59:40They got shot by hunters
00:59:42What were your parents doing
00:59:43Wandering around where people were hunting?
00:59:45They weren't
00:59:46They were, um
00:59:46The hunters were hunting in our backyard
00:59:48What were the hunters doing in your backyard?
00:59:51They had gotten lost
00:59:52And were off track
00:59:54And my parents were wearing their brown onesies
00:59:57And the hunters mistook them for elk
01:00:01Elk?
01:00:02What happened to the hunters?
01:00:03Were they arrested?
01:00:04No
01:00:04They are still at large
01:00:06You know what, Avi?
01:00:07The police chief in Skokie's an old friend of mine
01:00:10I'm calling him tomorrow
01:00:11We'll see if we can't help move things along
01:00:13Huh
01:00:14Forgive me, but weren't you on the phone with your...
01:00:17Can we talk about something else?
01:00:19Of course
01:00:19I was watching TV last night
01:00:21Um, Ten Commandments
01:00:23Charlton Heston
01:00:24What an actor
01:00:25Not Jewish, you know
01:00:26Who isn't?
01:00:29So I'm...
01:00:30I'm up there
01:00:31And we're rehearsing these...
01:00:33These poems that we had written for each other
01:00:36And right at the part where I'm about to say I do
01:00:41I just...
01:00:43I just cracked
01:00:44Good, Adam
01:00:45Do you remember how you were feeling in that very moment?
01:00:49No
01:00:50I mean, I just...
01:00:53For a split second
01:00:54I saw my entire life with Hannah flash before my eyes
01:00:58And why did that scare you?
01:01:00Probably because...
01:01:02I...
01:01:03I don't think she's right for me
01:01:06So then why are you marrying her?
01:01:08I don't know
01:01:09You're avoiding the question, Adam
01:01:11I think you do know
01:01:13Now, what I want you to do is
01:01:15Try to pinpoint the exact moment in your life
01:01:18Where this pressure you're feeling originated
01:01:20I was 12 years old
01:01:25Stop staring at her
01:01:30Adam, that is rude
01:01:31You're cute
01:01:34You stare all you like little man
01:01:36You are not
01:01:38And you will never be
01:01:39Her little man
01:01:41Why can't I be her little man?
01:01:42Because she's not Jewish
01:01:43So I can't be with a girl who's not Jewish?
01:01:45That's right
01:01:45Why?
01:01:46Because it's your responsibility to perpetuate our religion
01:01:48Why?
01:01:49Because six million of our ancestors died and we owe it to them
01:01:52Why?
01:01:52Because they're dead
01:01:53So what does that have to do with me?
01:01:54Because you're Jewish
01:01:55The fate of our entire religion depends on you
01:01:58You, you
01:01:59It depends on me
01:02:02It depends on me
01:02:03It's all right
01:02:03It all depends on me
01:02:05It's all right
01:02:05It's all right, Adam
01:02:07Oh God
01:02:09Oh God, boy
01:02:10Oh God
01:02:12Adam, that was really good
01:02:14Really good
01:02:15I'm here
01:02:18Hey, boss
01:02:29Can I get the crusty
01:02:30Yeah, here
01:02:33Hey, gracias
01:02:34You're up so fast
01:02:36Uh, hey, boss
01:02:37You remember that one time we were told
01:02:39Don't say a word
01:02:42Hey, beautiful
01:02:44How you doing?
01:02:45Just working
01:02:45What are you doing?
01:02:46Oh, nothing
01:02:47You know, just here at the hospital
01:02:48Checking in on patients
01:02:49Patients, patients
01:02:50What's up, baby?
01:02:52Well, I just spoke to my dad
01:02:53And he talked to the chief of police in Skokie
01:02:56And there's no record of any Rosenbergs being shot and killed by hunters
01:02:59Really?
01:03:00Yeah, in fact, there hasn't been a hunting-related death in Skokie ever
01:03:05So I went online to research it and I couldn't find anything
01:03:08Allison, I didn't want to have to tell you this
01:03:11But my parents were in the witness protection program
01:03:15And when they were murdered, the FBI destroyed their records
01:03:19What were they doing in the witness protection program?
01:03:24Jimmy Hoffa?
01:03:24What about Jimmy Hoffa?
01:03:26Look, I've said too much already
01:03:27Do you understand?
01:03:28Avi, I just feel like you're hiding things from me
01:03:30I mean, we've been going out for a month
01:03:31And you never tell me that your parents were murdered by elk hunters
01:03:35And now they're in the witness protection program
01:03:37And on top of all that, I'm just starting to wonder if you might be gay
01:03:40What? Gay?
01:03:42Whoa, whoa
01:03:43Why would you think I'm gay?
01:03:45Because what guy goes out with a girl for a whole month
01:03:47And doesn't want to sleep with her?
01:03:48I do, I want to sleep with you
01:03:50I just want to be special
01:03:53Ew, that is exactly what my Aunt Judy's husband told her
01:03:56Right before they got married
01:03:57And 20 years and two kids later
01:03:59She walks in on him, tied up with a rubber ball gag in his mouth
01:04:02Being f***ed by a ch***
01:04:03Who was dressed as Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz
01:04:06Okay, and I am not going to turn out like my Aunt Judy
01:04:08Okay, okay, okay, listen
01:04:12We will sleep together
01:04:13I won't, let's do this, baby
01:04:15Really? Do you mean that?
01:04:16Oh, yeah
01:04:16When?
01:04:18When are we going to have sex?
01:04:19Right after I get back from the medical conference in Dallas
01:04:23What medical conference in Dallas?
01:04:25Remember I told you about that a couple of weeks ago
01:04:27When are you leaving?
01:04:29Like in two hours
01:04:30You know, when you inhale
01:04:33Maybe you and Ted Bundy can be roommates, cabron
01:04:36You know, Roos, I'm looking at a bill here
01:04:46For $42,765
01:04:49And considering we said we'd split all the wedding expenses
01:04:54We need to go half-seas
01:04:55How's your son going crazy at wedding expense?
01:04:58Well, it happened during a wedding rehearsal
01:05:00So I think a case could be made in a court of law
01:05:02This is a wedding expense
01:05:04Nice try, nice try
01:05:05He's got a well-documented pre-existing condition
01:05:08There's no way in hell we're paying for it
01:05:09His condition was never that bad until he met Hannah
01:05:12Oh
01:05:12Hey, are you implying that my daughter had something to do with Adam's freakout?
01:05:17Oh, she's not implying
01:05:18She's saying
01:05:19I had nothing to do with this
01:05:21Oh, right, you're not insane
01:05:22Everyone, please
01:05:23We have worked very hard to get Adam to the point he is at in his therapy
01:05:27And he has had a very tough time
01:05:30But these last few days
01:05:31He has truly managed to come from behind
01:05:34Oh, God, oh, God
01:05:37Oh, God, oh, God
01:05:39Oh, God, oh, God
01:05:40Mom, Dad, get off of my head
01:05:43What are you doing?
01:05:45He never tried that with me
01:05:46Hannah
01:05:47What is everybody doing here at the same time?
01:05:52Oh, God
01:05:53So let me get this straight
01:05:55You no longer want to get married to me
01:05:59Because you're in love with your Mongolian doctor?
01:06:02I know this must be a shock for everyone
01:06:04But when Adam finally opened up to me
01:06:07I don't know
01:06:08We just clicked
01:06:09What do you mean you just clicked?
01:06:11Arlene
01:06:12We are not going to get anywhere by attacking each other
01:06:15Sala
01:06:16Please continue
01:06:17By the way, you're fired
01:06:19Well, I'm a Buddhist
01:06:22And, you know, both of our religions were born out of struggle
01:06:26So we both place emphasis on family, education, and hard work
01:06:32And the intense pressure that Adam feels to marry within his people
01:06:36Is the same pressure I feel to marry a Mongolian
01:06:38So it's no wonder why we're able to connect
01:06:41For 43 grand, you could have connected with every chick in Mongolia
01:06:46Okay, Sala
01:06:48Hypothetically speaking
01:06:51If you two were to stay together
01:06:54And get married
01:06:57How would you raise your children?
01:06:59Mom, do we have to get into this right now?
01:07:01Isn't that what this is for?
01:07:02Okay, well, the truth is
01:07:03The truth is
01:07:05The truth is
01:07:05The truth is
01:07:06What's the truth, Adam?
01:07:07The truth is
01:07:07I don't know if I want to raise my kids Jewish
01:07:10Oh, shit
01:07:14Jesus
01:07:14Who are you?
01:07:16Was I not a good mother to you?
01:07:22When you were in kindergarten
01:07:23And you wanted the little trampoline that could poke your eye out
01:07:26Who got you the trampoline that could poke your eye out?
01:07:29I did
01:07:29And when you were in fifth grade
01:07:32And you wanted to take karate lessons in Chinatown
01:07:35Who drove you there three nights a week
01:07:37And sat in the parking lot
01:07:39All alone in the dark?
01:07:42I did
01:07:43And do you know why?
01:07:45Because you're my son
01:07:48And I love you
01:07:52And how do you show your love for me?
01:07:56Well, you have
01:07:57Style sex with your Mongolian therapist on your wedding day
01:08:02And then you say to me
01:08:04Hey, Mom
01:08:05I'm not sure
01:08:07If I want to raise my kids
01:08:09It's Jewish
01:08:10Oh, Adam, that's fine
01:08:13That's fine
01:08:13Just save the knife
01:08:15Just save the knife and kill me, Adam
01:08:17Just save it right now
01:08:18Mom, stop it
01:08:18Okay, Adam, so you're saying that our entire time together meant nothing to you?
01:08:29We never hit you
01:08:30We never fondled you
01:08:31I got liberty, can you for you?
01:08:34Honey, honey, I think we dodged a bullet
01:08:36Yeah, she seems nice
01:08:38I mean, you better get a good lawyer, freak boy
01:08:40Because I'm suing your ass off
01:08:42Okay, this
01:08:43This
01:08:44Right here
01:08:45You want to know why I went nuts?
01:08:49It's because all of you are nuts
01:08:51And I'm sorry that I can't marry you
01:08:54But it's better that we end this right now
01:08:56Rather than dragging this on for a long fucking time
01:09:00And, Mom, I'm sorry that you had to do things that you didn't want to do
01:09:04But you know what?
01:09:06So did I
01:09:06I joined the family business and became the embroidery prince
01:09:10Well, how happy can a man be?
01:09:13And to top it off
01:09:14I've never dated a woman who wasn't Jewish my entire life
01:09:17Well, you know what?
01:09:18I'm not doing things for you guys anymore, huh?
01:09:21I'm doing things for me
01:09:22Because I love salad
01:09:24Sala
01:09:24Sala
01:09:25And she's Mongolian
01:09:27And that's pretty cool
01:09:29I love you too
01:09:32Oh, God
01:09:33Are you going to be paying by cash or check?
01:09:39With this technique, the thematic skin is allowed to stay intact
01:09:44And finally, the Neo-Crossing Crush
01:09:47By using the Terra Clamp, the skin is crushed for around ten days
01:09:51Until it suffocates and dies
01:09:54With this technique, the skin bond
01:09:56Tough, though, yeah
01:09:57I mean, I mean, you got to love the dorsal slip, right?
01:10:00Because the phomotic skin stays intact
01:10:01But on the other hand, with the sleeve resection, I got the widest variety of scarring options
01:10:05What do you think?
01:10:08Honestly, I'm kind of partial to the temporary crush
01:10:10You know, you get all the benefits of the sleeve resection
01:10:13But you get that pump action of the agamgo device there
01:10:16Yeah, yeah
01:10:16Plus, it reduces your shmegma by like 75%
01:10:20It does?
01:10:20Yeah
01:10:21Done, sold
01:10:22Going with the temporary crush, boy
01:10:25Knock, knock
01:10:26Snip, snip time, Mr. O'Connell
01:10:28Oh
01:10:30Here we go
01:10:32Is this your life partner?
01:10:34Who?
01:10:34No
01:10:34No
01:10:35No, no, no, no
01:10:35No life partnering here
01:10:37No, that would be weird
01:10:38Okay
01:10:38Not that that's weird at all
01:10:39But just, you know
01:10:40Okay, Mr. O'Connell
01:10:41So me going to turn this little knobby here on
01:10:44And you're going to just slowly drift away
01:10:47Me want you to breathe, relax, enjoy it
01:10:51Breathe in, breathe in
01:10:54I'm scared
01:10:56You have nothing to be afraid of, boy
01:10:58Nurse Boo is going to sing you a little ditty and make you feel all better
01:11:01When I was only eight days old, hurrah, hurrah, a billy billy billy bum
01:11:08When I was only eight days old, hurrah, hurrah, the boy that came with his big knife
01:11:15I thought he was going to take my life, but he only took a little bit off the top
01:11:20A little bit off the top, top, top, little bit off the top
01:11:25Top
01:11:27Well, okay, okay
01:11:30Okay
01:11:31She was taking a little off the top
01:11:32Easy there, Mr. O'Connell
01:11:34Next time, don't trust your circumcision to an HMO
01:11:39I think she's nice
01:11:48I just, I can't believe that you're doing all of this just so you don't have to make any more decisions
01:11:53Oh, Adam, you don't get it
01:11:56All those things that you say drive you crazy, I love
01:11:59I love that your parents smother you
01:12:01I love that if they hear about a tornado in Kansas, they call you even though you live in Los Angeles
01:12:08Yeah, we're very nervous people
01:12:10And I love the fact that you email each other your itineraries because
01:12:14Because you never know, you know
01:12:17No
01:12:18You never know
01:12:20Never know
01:12:21And for the past 5,000 years, every civilization, every culture has tried to have you guys annihilated
01:12:27Yeah, we are not liked
01:12:28I like you
01:12:29We're like, you're getting the
01:12:30It's gonna all make sense now
01:12:32Now, Mohammed Al-Sheikh Al-Sheen Al-Sheikh is up here
01:12:36Now, he's gonna come up here
01:12:38And then we got Mohammed Al-Sheikh
01:12:40No
01:12:41Stop that
01:12:43O'Connell here, speak up
01:12:47Hi, Daddy, it's your son Christian
01:12:48What you doing?
01:12:49I'm in Tahiti, having myself a Mai Tai
01:12:51Hey, what the hell do you think I'm doing?
01:12:53Fighting terrorists?
01:12:54Spreading democracy?
01:12:55Yeah
01:12:56Dad, guess what I'm doing?
01:12:57Oh, I'm here with Adam Lipschitz, you remember him?
01:12:59Adam Lipschitz?
01:13:00Didn't I order you to stay away from that boy?
01:13:03No, Daddy, we're life partners
01:13:04No, no, sir, that's inaccurate, sir
01:13:06Life partners?
01:13:07Now, what the hell is life partners?
01:13:08Life partners
01:13:09He's just a homo, Dad
01:13:10What?
01:13:11I call her to what?
01:13:12A homo?
01:13:13Yeah, we're here at the hospital, you know
01:13:14Because he's with me, so I can get circumcised, sir
01:13:18What?
01:13:19Not for me, though
01:13:20I'm sorry
01:13:21You're circumcised?
01:13:22Yeah, so I can be a Jew, Daddy
01:13:23You can be a Jew?
01:13:25Daddy, I want to tell you something, too
01:13:27Because I don't think I've ever told you this before
01:13:28We never say this, but
01:13:30I love you, Daddy
01:13:31I love you
01:13:34Hi
01:13:35Sorry
01:13:36You know, I'm glad we're hanging out again
01:13:38But I kind of feel like something's missing
01:13:41A little bit off the top
01:13:43Top
01:13:44Top
01:13:50Allison?
01:13:51Want to have sex?
01:13:55Not really
01:13:58Not really
01:14:02Clear that!
01:14:03Clear right!
01:14:04Didn't I order you to keep your son away from my son?
01:14:09Excuse me?
01:14:10Don't you play dumb with me, s*** lives?
01:14:14Buck O'Connell?
01:14:15Oh, jeez
01:14:16Your Adam has turned my Christian into some gay Jew
01:14:22Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
01:14:23Buck, slow down
01:14:24What are you talking about?
01:14:26They're live partners
01:14:29Life partners?
01:14:31Life partners?
01:14:32Wait, wait, wait, wait
01:14:33What makes you think this?
01:14:34He called and told me
01:14:36While he was in hospital with your Adam
01:14:40That he was about to get his package up
01:14:43So they could be gay Jews together
01:14:48And then he told me, Dad, I love you
01:14:52What the hell is going on, huh?
01:14:55Oh, Dennis, we pushed him too far
01:14:57And he snapped
01:14:59With all the pressure that we put on him to marry a Jewish girl
01:15:02The Asian wasn't enough
01:15:03And then he went the other way
01:15:07Okay, Buck, first of all
01:15:10You look fantastic
01:15:11Whoa, hey, hey, hey, whoa
01:15:13Take it easy, old man
01:15:14No, but second of all
01:15:15I mean, I'm having a hard time believing any of this
01:15:17Oh, yeah?
01:15:18The way's your boy
01:15:20Right now
01:15:21Buddy, I'm so happy you're here
01:15:23And that you're helping me with this
01:15:24I don't know what I would do without you
01:15:26You really need me to do this again?
01:15:27I gotta be honest
01:15:28Yeah, please
01:15:29I don't know if I can get through another gauze pass
01:15:30And how many times a day do you have to do it?
01:15:32Oh
01:15:33Really, I can't do this myself
01:15:34Please come and do it
01:15:35God
01:15:36Come on, just help me
01:15:37Okay
01:15:38Come here
01:15:39Put some of that jelly on it
01:15:40And let's get going
01:15:44Drop the petroleum jelly
01:15:47And back away from my son's anus
01:15:50Holy shit
01:15:51I knew it
01:15:53Don't shoot him, Dad
01:15:54Mom?
01:15:55Adam!
01:15:56Dad!
01:15:57Damn it, Adam!
01:15:58Jelly's for toast!
01:16:01Alison, I'm not a Jew
01:16:02And I'm not a doctor
01:16:04And my name is not Avi Rosenberg
01:16:05Well, then who the hell are you?
01:16:07I'm Christian Thaddeus Reginald MacArthur O'Connell
01:16:10I'm a plumber
01:16:11Look, when I met you at the Mixer
01:16:13I begged my friend Adam here
01:16:15To help me pass myself off as a Jew
01:16:17So that you'd be able to date me
01:16:20Club?
01:16:21Alison, how's it going?
01:16:23Marcy
01:16:24Don't you even look at me
01:16:25Rabbi, I'm so sorry
01:16:26You
01:16:27Club!
01:16:28Before Adam came along
01:16:29I watched NASCAR
01:16:30And I had the heads of dead animals
01:16:32That I'd hunted and killed myself on my wall
01:16:34And I had no idea that when you order a salad at a restaurant
01:16:36You can order the dressing on the side
01:16:38Let alone custom-create your own dishes off the menu
01:16:40Hell, what are you talking about?
01:16:41I fed your seas a salad
01:16:43Jews can custom-create their own dishes off the menu
01:16:46They're always up to something
01:16:48No, I can hear you
01:16:49That's why I messed up our date so bad
01:16:51Because I wasn't being myself
01:16:53And then Adam told me
01:16:54The only way I'm ever going to be able to get you back
01:16:56Is if I could convince your mom
01:16:58That I was the greatest guy in the world
01:16:59So that's why I poisoned your dad
01:17:01With the rotten gift filled of fish
01:17:03Because I wanted to partner with your mom
01:17:05In the bridge tournament
01:17:06You're the reason I've been on the toilet for three days
01:17:09Becoming a raisin?
01:17:10All right, now we finally beat the Fleischmann, Shlomi
01:17:12So just leave it alone
01:17:13Was there ever a medical conference in Dallas?
01:17:16No, I just needed time to recover from the circumcision
01:17:19Oh, jeez!
01:17:21On the what?
01:17:22I wouldn't mind having circumcision
01:17:24Why would you do all that?
01:17:26Because I love you
01:17:27Allison, I love you
01:17:29I want you to make every decision for me for the rest of my life
01:17:43Will you do that?
01:17:44So I'm just supposed to forget about everything you just said
01:17:48Because you love me?
01:17:49Yes, please
01:17:51Son, stop this hollering and just propose to the girl
01:17:57Don't put the tongue in
01:18:04Well, that haircut is awful
01:18:06So let me make an appointment for you with my guy
01:18:08Because he's the best
01:18:09I should take that as a yes, huh?
01:18:12Yes
01:18:13I'll take that as a yes
01:18:14Aw, Shlomi, we've got a plumber
01:18:17Christian Thaddeus Reginald MacArthur O'Connell
01:18:21Rosenberg
01:18:22Now that's a nice Jewish name
01:18:28We are so thrilled that you finally decided to come on a moose hunt with us
01:18:32I can't wait to kill me a ten pointer
01:18:34I'm gonna skin him and gut him and pull out his rectum
01:18:37That's the spirit
01:18:38Nobody is pulling out anybody's rectum here
01:18:39That's what they do
01:18:40No, no, listen to me, Shlomi
01:18:42That would be a disgusting thing to do
01:18:43Think of it
01:18:44You could be more of it
01:18:45Ecoli, you could get bacterium
01:18:46There are no wipes here that I can see
01:18:48Shut up!
01:18:49Stop the convection
01:18:52Mercy, yarmulkeman, take a knee
01:18:55Knee?
01:18:57Oh, cramp
01:18:59Careful
01:19:00Not like that
01:19:01God's sake
01:19:03I remember when my father took me out for my first hunt
01:19:09We all fought like crazy over who's gonna be the lucky one to pull out that rectum
01:19:14Uh...
01:19:15That's what they do
01:19:16Oh, thank you
01:19:17Nog, baby
01:19:18Damn right
01:19:19Nog, baby
01:19:21Aw, Daddy loves Mama's nog
01:19:24Nog, baby
01:19:26I'm not really much of a nog guy
01:19:28You know, the dairy kind of makes my acid reflux kick in
01:19:31And I'm not even sure if the eggs are cage-free
01:19:33So I don't feel safe
01:19:34But one sip won't kill me, I guess
01:19:38Nog, baby
01:19:39Oh, yeah
01:19:44Oh, yeah
01:19:46Oh, yeah
01:19:52Uh...
01:19:53N-Nar-Nar in the tongue
01:19:54And, uh...
01:19:55Javine...
01:19:56Annette...
01:19:57Whatever
01:19:58My wife and I, we want to thank you for your hospitality
01:20:00And for these beautiful hats
01:20:07My father says it's an honor to have you as part of our family
01:20:10And they've learned a great deal of wisdom from all of you this week
01:20:13Thank you, thank you
01:20:17Oh, my mother says you're gonna love the fried marmot
01:20:19It's a speciality
01:20:20Oh, Dennis, did you hear that?
01:20:21We're gonna have fried marmot, hooray
01:20:23We discussed at home
01:20:24I can have fried food once every few months
01:20:26It's not gonna...
01:20:27I'm not saying that you shouldn't have fried food
01:20:29I just...
01:20:30Well, then what are you saying?
01:20:31Let's just eat it
01:20:32Oh, maybe a little Mongolian barbecue or something, right?
01:20:33That could be okay
01:20:36Just eat what they order
01:20:37Why?
01:20:38Is it kosher?
01:20:39I don't know
01:20:40We're not even kosher
01:20:41Where do you care?
01:20:42I had a dream
01:20:55Where I saw everyone with a smile on them face, oh
01:21:28I'm Dr. Bill Ginsberg, founder of Vagina Beautiful.
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01:22:19Oh, sweet love, there were peace and harmony.
01:22:28Oh, sweet love, peace and harmony.
01:22:34I had a dream.
01:22:38Not a dream for myself, but for all that you can.
01:22:43I had a dream.
01:22:46I saw Jesus and Moses singing gospel all together.
01:22:50And it's all sweet love, peace and harmony.
01:22:57Oh, sweet love, peace and harmony.
01:23:05Oh, Jews and Asians walking hand in hand.
01:23:11Smoking sixes with a Jewish man.
01:23:13Even Moses and Moses singing gospel all together.
01:23:14Even Moses singing gospel all together.
01:23:15Even Moses singing gospel all together.
01:23:16I'm thinking love, love, love, love, love.
01:23:20I had a dream.
01:23:24Where I saw every Jew paying me till you're free.
01:23:28I had a dream.
01:23:31Where I saw every Gentile of a Christian on the side.
01:23:36Oh, sweet love, there were peace and harmony.
01:23:42Would you tell us?
01:23:43Oh, sweet love, peace and harmony.
01:23:47We had a dream.
01:23:51Oh, sweet love, peace and harmony.
01:23:58Oh, sweet love, peace and harmony.
01:24:06Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
01:24:36...

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