00:00Before CrossFit, before Paleo, before SoulCycle, there was only one name in fitness.
00:08Hello, losers. Miss me?
00:11Sorry to interrupt your internet life, but for the last 13 years, while I've been living a sugar-free, protein
00:17-forward lifestyle,
00:19I've watched as all of you have gotten fatter and dumber, with your hashtags and your bays and your Kanye's.
00:26Everyone is so PC now. Even good old-fashioned bullying is out.
00:31Well, White Goodman has decided to get with the times.
00:35That's right. It's time for a little charity dodgeball, bitches.
00:39Those do-gooders at Omaze have decided to offer you, mouth-breathers, an amazing chance to win a once-in
00:45-your-pathetic-lifetime experience.
00:47Play a little dodgeball with me, White Goodman.
00:51You heard me. One of you lucky losers, and probably your only friend,
00:54can come test your dodgeball medal against the best baller in the biz.
00:59C'est moi.
01:00So, if you...
01:02Not so fast, White.
01:05The floor.
01:07Long time, pal.
01:09You say you're sticking with the hair choice? Strong move.
01:11Yes, I am sticking with the hair choice.
01:15Hello, Kate.
01:17You're looking sensual.
01:21You okay?
01:22I just threw up in my mouth a little.
01:25It happens. I'm good.
01:27Anyhow, sorry to interrupt your super weird thing here, but we figured we should jump in.
01:32We want to give everyone out there a choice.
01:34Hey, hey, hey. You don't talk to camera, okay?
01:37This is my charity video.
01:38I talk to camera. You don't talk to anything.
01:42You can enter for a chance to play on Globo Jim's team.
01:46Or on our team, Average Joe's.
01:47In case you've forgotten, it takes two teams to play dodgeball, White.
01:50You need two teams to play dodgeball, White.
01:53You want two teams? You got it.
01:55Chachi, purple cobras, purple cobras, purple cobras.
02:06You remember my fitness consigliere, Michelle.
02:11Oh, yeah.
02:12And the world's deadliest legally female lady dodgeballer, Fran Zalonoskovich Davidovitsky.
02:21Hi, hello.
02:23I forgot about her.
02:26You want to do this again, White, we'll do this again.
02:28And we'll whip your ass just like we did last time.
02:30Oh, nobody whips my ass, except me.
02:35And sometimes, Michelle.
02:39Blazer, would you please ball me?
02:42Hey, Justin.
02:43Yeah?
02:44Catch.
02:46Uh-oh!
02:52Baby goes to sleep.
02:54Ho, ho, ho, ho.
02:55Night, night.
02:56He fell down on the ground because he got hit in the face with a wrench.
03:03White, I'm going to drop you like third period French.
03:06It's on.
03:07Oh, yeah.
03:08It's on.
03:09It's on, AF.
03:11It's on so much that it never was off.
03:15Like, it was a waste of energy because we kept it on the whole time.
03:20Prepare to be humiliated on internet television.
03:23For charity.
03:25Pump the brakes, White.
03:26This moment is bigger than the both of us.
03:32Go to amaze.com slash globo to join my team.
03:36Or go to amaze.com slash Joes to join our team.
03:39Don't go to amaze.com to slash nothing.
03:43Don't.
03:44Or do.
03:45Do don't.
03:45Do don't.
03:46Do don't.
03:47Do don't.
03:47Slash Joes.
03:48Don't.
03:50Slash Joes.
03:53Don't.
03:53Average Joes versus Purple Cobras.
03:58Come for the charity.
04:00Stay for the balls.
