00:19live from studio 60 on the sunset strip it's friday night in hollywood
00:24when he does that it is going to be a great show this is our 20th season and we're very
00:29proud of that
00:29we're live in five four three two my fellow americans i'm here to speak to you tonight
00:38about a very serious subject well let's stop this my legacy legacy is the uh impact one leaves behind
00:46let's stop it tom did we lose the feet no we're live i'd like both of you to clear the
00:51stage i
00:52don't want anyone to think that you were part of this go on go on
00:58this is not going to be a very good show tonight and i think you should change the channel
01:03change the channel when did they put this right now so anybody know what the hell is going on
01:07no no i know it seems like this is supposed to be funny but uh tomorrow you're going to find
01:10out
01:10it's not by that time i'll have been fired no this this is not this is not a sketch uh
01:17this is real
01:18you want to go to vtr this show used to be cutting-edge political and social satire but
01:24it's gotten lobotomized by a candy-ass broadcast network hell-bent on doing absolutely nothing that
01:31might just challenge their audience change the channel turn off your tvs do it right now go ahead
01:36oh i get it this is not not a problem get the camera off of it put it on what
01:39cut the boom i did
01:40this show i take my instructions from him that remote in your hand is a crack pipe are you bleeping
01:45this out he hasn't said anything you're not allowed to say who else in here knows how to do
01:49this to my control room get him off and the two things that make them scared gutless of the fcc
01:54and every psycho religious cult that gets positively horny at the very mention of a boycott all right
02:00stand by vtr we're gonna cut in early feckless off the charts greed-filled whorehouse there it is work
02:07this thoroughly unpatriotic mother go be here now what happened i cut a sketch and he went crazy
02:13wesley you're fired no kidding mad as hell and he wasn't going to take it anymore your remark about
02:20we're meeting and who wants to screw my sister he was talking about our shows we don't know is there
02:26something funny about this jordan god jack there's like seven things funny about this they're gonna say
02:30he was right what are you suggesting i want to hire matt alvey and danny tripp whoa sorry that was
02:38strange are you okay i'm on a little vicodin and some percocet and a steroid called nordizone the
02:43side effect of which is mania i swear to god it says all right on the bottle and the award
02:47goes to
02:47matthew alvey yeah hey that's great the most expensive thing in television are executive producers
02:54you can't control what the hell are we talking about you fired us four years ago from the number two
02:58spot
02:59we went out and got famous and now you want us back because you're in a jam isn't that what's
03:02going
03:02on here i hired these guys back i'll look completely debaul you don't need all the fingers on one hand
03:07to count the number of people who care about your balls right now you talk to your bosses like this
03:10every day that's how i became president of a network i have no reason to trust you and every reason
03:14not
03:14to why you work in television what's going on took my insurance physical a week ago and i tested positive
03:22for cocaine okay are you all right yeah i'm fine okay wait look wait matt they must know
03:33that's how they knew we were available are they swinging this thing in front of your face point is
03:37the new son's of mad are you people using the confidential information that danny failed a drug
03:45test to force him into taking over studio 60 to deflect attention from what happened on the air tonight
03:49he failed a drug test sorry about that that one was all me yeah what are you doing here danny
03:58and
03:58i are taking over the show you are i'm your boss now so we're gonna have to postpone this fight
04:02for
04:02a couple of years there's no way to get this idiotic argument behind us no but score for us on
04:07friday
04:08nights and we won't have a problem i'm looking forward to working with you there's gonna be a press
04:11conference at noon on monday announcing you two are running studio 60. i know i can count on you to
04:16answer
04:16questions in a way that doesn't embarrass the national broadcasting system you pointed a camera at two
04:20people masturbating it'd be among the least embarrassing things on the national broadcasting
04:24system i've already got a dual masturbation show in active development so keep laughing jordan
04:31do you think television is bad no i think my mother the car was bad i think this is something
04:37else
04:39we need it on half inch for the love we work a television you got a thing for one of
04:45these guys
04:45is that a question you were asked when you hired me pitching me a sketch yes now it came to
04:51me it did
04:51look this doesn't have how about we do a sketch where a madman he blows up a network television show
04:56and then i spend what's left of my career playing the ben vereen part in pippen
05:07it's gonna be our show now and only one of us can screw up at a time and i think
05:11we both know that
05:11most of the time it's gonna be me you're the big shoulders i hear you good because i don't remember
05:19what i just said hey you know what this is it's the sketch that got cut tell me what you
05:23think i don't
05:24need to read it why because i wrote it open with it next week what are you smiling about it's
05:30a nice
05:31studio with an incredible history you like it yeah good because we live here now
05:46please everybody
05:54please
