Jen Doyle will discuss her unfortunate experience in today's Unfiltered Stories episode. Jen began to be groomed when she was just 12 years old by a 38-year-old pastor who also happened to be her friend's father. Listen to her story and what unfolded!
#inspiring #truestory #survivalstory #trauma #healing
Thank you for watching Unfiltered Stories! We offer a platform for our guests to speak openly about their life stories and journeys, shedding light on the challenges they faced and the resilience they've shown.
Our mission is to raise awareness about survivors by delving into their stories, exploring the impact of their experiences, and how they've managed to heal and rebuild their lives.
By sharing these stories, we aim to break the silence surrounding those challenging memories and create a compassionate environment.
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#inspiring #truestory #survivalstory #trauma #healing
Thank you for watching Unfiltered Stories! We offer a platform for our guests to speak openly about their life stories and journeys, shedding light on the challenges they faced and the resilience they've shown.
Our mission is to raise awareness about survivors by delving into their stories, exploring the impact of their experiences, and how they've managed to heal and rebuild their lives.
By sharing these stories, we aim to break the silence surrounding those challenging memories and create a compassionate environment.
🌅 FOLLOW US 🌅
Facebook âž® https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredFB
Tiktok âž® https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredTT
Snapchat âž® https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredSN
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NewsTranscript
00:00Hi, my name is Jen, and I am a survivor of childhood abuse. I always kind of felt like
00:05the outsider, never felt like I fit in with the cool kids. We were regular churchgoers.
00:10I started getting involved in church in seventh grade, so I would have been like just turning
00:1612, I believe. He was 38. He had this really charismatic personality, very easygoing. He was
00:24always very playful. He was super fun to be around, to hang out with, easy to talk to. You know,
00:29we all trusted him, and his kids were right there too. He kind of swept in as that trusting
00:34father figure. My dad worked a lot. I know my dad loved me, but he wasn't really the mushy,
00:39let's hug type. So as a child, I was really craving that, and this guy was like,
00:44ding, ding. So that was kind of weird, but him really stepping out and showing me like how much
00:48he cared for me. He did start finding ways to spend time with me alone in ways that I didn't
00:54recognize or see, and he offered to give me a ride home, and my mom said that that was fine
00:58because
00:58his daughter was there too. Well, if the church is here, I live like five minutes up the road this
01:03way. He lives 20 minutes this way. So he took both me and his daughter, took his daughter home first,
01:11and then had all that time alone with me to take me home. My friends all thought he was just
01:16like
01:16this really cool guy, super fun to hang out with, so I didn't think there was anything wrong. I would
01:20regularly sleep over their house. Again, like I'm friends with his daughter, and all their bedrooms
01:24were upstairs, so I would sleep downstairs on the couch. One night, I remember I woke up, and he's
01:29like kneeling beside me, facing me, scared the out of me, and he's like, oh, I just came down to
01:36pray
01:37for you. I mean, being naive at that age, I'm just like, oh, that's really sweet. He really cares about
01:42me. So he would do that regularly, but then that would turn into, you know, back rubs, and then that
01:48would turn into going under the shirt with a back rub kind of thing, so crossing those boundaries.
01:54There was another incident sleeping over his house, again, hanging out with his daughter. I went upstairs
01:59to get a shower. Well, I came back down, and he pulls me aside to tell me and apologize that
02:06the
02:07curtain had been left open, and he saw me naked. I mean, looking at that now, I know that he
02:13was just
02:13kind of like starting that conversation. I mean, if that happened, honestly, there is absolutely no
02:20reason for him to pull aside a 13-year-old to tell them that. There was a ski trip where
02:25the youth
02:25group went. I come down the hill, and one of the staff people at this, you know, ski resort comes
02:32up
02:32to me and says, oh, your leader is looking for you. So I take all my ski gear off, and
02:37I go inside,
02:38and he's sitting at a table by himself, so I, you know, sit down with him, and he just wanted
02:42to get me
02:43alone, and he proceeds to start to tell me about how terrible his marriage is. They're not really
02:50having. It's hard to go back and think, like, what was I really thinking? What was I really feeling?
02:55Because now, like, I feel so stupid, but I, maybe part of me was like, oh, he really trusts me.
03:00You
03:00know, he really cares. The moment for me, when I absolutely knew that this switch had gone, my friend,
03:08again, we were in middle school having fun, and she had made these kissing licenses, and then at
03:13the bottom it says, whoever reads this has to kiss the owner. It was at charge on a Wednesday night
03:18talking with his daughter, and again, we're friends, and we're laughing about this kissing license, and
03:23he comes over and says, you know, well, what are you looking at? So we both, me and his daughter,
03:28we hand it to him, and he reads it, and he hands it back. Then later, he pulls me aside,
03:32and he says,
03:33when do I get to cash in on that? And that was the moment for me where I was like,
03:39whoa. That was my
03:40turning point when I knew things had shifted. We're getting close to youth convention. This would
03:46have been Easter weekend, eighth grade. So on the way to convention is when he made his move, and then
03:53every time we got out of the van, like, he, when we got out, he apologized profusely, and he said,
04:00it'll never happen again. That weekend progressed, and every time we got in the van, the activity would
04:06happen again, and each time we got out, he would profusely apologize again, but then I think the
04:11apologizing just stopped when he realized, like, hey, she's not going to tell anybody. We come back
04:15from youth convention. I had kind of become infatuated with him and this relationship, and he
04:22had convinced me that this was okay, and the Bible didn't apply to us, and he used Celine Dion and
04:28her
04:28husband and their age gap, because with them, there was a 26-year age gap, and with us, it was
04:34a 28-year
04:35age gap. But anyway, so I had this guy telling me, we're going to get married when you turn 18.
04:39He gave me a card that said, you know, he wanted to meet up with me in the woods near
04:45my house. He
04:45said, I'll bring a blanket and a pillow and something that you may or may not want me to use.
04:50He was
04:50referring to it, but that's exactly what he wrote in the card. So I went and met him in the
04:57woods,
04:58and, you know, he had the blanket laid out. He had a little clock on a rock so you could
05:03know what time
05:04it was, and we had that very first day. I was 13. He was, you know, 38, 39. I think
05:10when I went down
05:10there, he performed oral on me. That was the very first thing he did before we even kissed. The next
05:16day
05:16that I went to meet him, he was sitting there next to a tree with a backpack, and he had
05:22a rope on the
05:23backpack, and he said he was going to hang himself because he was afraid I was going to tell someone.
05:28So I reassured him. I'm like, no, no, like, I wouldn't do that to you kind of thing. So that
05:34entire summer, I would spend, you know, meeting him down in the woods. We never did use a, and he
05:41told
05:41me that if I was to get pregnant, he had already done his research, and there was an abortion clinic,
05:46a couple towns over that did not require any ID. So he told me his plan that if I was
05:51to get
05:51pregnant, he would take me there and pose as my father and get me an abortion. He had a key
05:57to
05:57the church. He wanted to play this lights out game, and he would turn, we were in the basement,
06:02it was at night, and we turned the lights out, and some kind of hide and seek or whatnot. So
06:06the lights would go out, the teens that were there, you know, playing this game, but while the lights
06:11are out, he's kissing me in the church. In the middle of youth group, so there's this room,
06:16and we're all sitting in chairs, like, around the outer part of the room. I'm sitting here,
06:20his daughter's on the other side of him, and I go to talk to her, so I, like, lean over
06:25him.
06:26So I'm saying something to his daughter, he's, like, cupping my breasts, like, right there in
06:31the middle of the room. I do remember on one occasion that my parents had this guy over to
06:36the house to sit him down and say, like, tell him, you have boundary issues, you need to back away
06:41from our daughter. And again, they didn't think there was anything going on. Like, this guy was
06:46just that good at manipulating and lying. At this point, I still had not told anyone, and we're coming
06:53up at the end of the summer of eighth grade. I'm going into ninth grade, so I'm starting high school.
06:59I'm kind of losing interest in this relationship. I'm just wanting to be a teenager. I'm liking boys my
07:05own age, so I really just don't want anything to do with him anymore. I was going to take the
07:10secret
07:10to my grave. I really was. Like, I had no intention of telling anyone, but we're done. No big deal.
07:15We're just going to move on. So there was a guy that I liked in the high school there, and,
07:21you know,
07:22we kind of had been dating. I had written him a note, and I don't remember what I said, but
07:27I must
07:27have said just enough that he went home and showed that note to his parents that kind of gave up
07:34the
07:34story. I remember it being able first, because that night my mom comes to me, and she's like,
07:39did you play any practical jokes on anyone today? And as soon as she said that, I knew. So I
07:45went
07:45inside, and my mom and dad were both there. You know, the person that had called was my friend's
07:49dad that he'd given the note to. So somehow I was able to get out, you know, I've been having
07:55and they said, well, who with? And I could not say his name. And one of my parents said his
08:02name,
08:02and I said, yes. My dad proceeded to go downtown to meet with, you know, this father that had the
08:08note. So meanwhile, when my dad's going there, my mom sits down with me. The very first thing she
08:12says to me, out of so much love and concern, but the very first question she says, do you have
08:18any
08:18proof? So the very next day, I didn't go to school. I was at the police station instead, you know,
08:23and they were interviewing me. But I think back now, like the reason why I want to share my story
08:28so badly is because the only questions the police ask are, you know, what lines were crossed? You
08:36know, what can we charge him with? I had never really told anyone the story of how that grooming
08:42process happened, all the details, all the minor things. I was very comfortable. I knew who the
08:48police chief was, you know, was familiar with him. So it wasn't like, who's this scary guy? And my mom
08:54was right there next to me. I don't know the details of like, when they went to arrest him
09:00or how that all went down. But I do remember my mom telling me that his wife had asked the
09:06church for help with bail money. And again, that was really hard for me to process because I wasn't
09:11sure like who was at fault here. I felt like I was the one in trouble. I don't know where
09:17they got the
09:17bail money, but he was out and free. So after the police station, I mean, he had to have been
09:21arrested
09:21at some point because he needed bail money. I was terrified. He continued to stalk me. There was a
09:27preliminary hearing to determine whether or not like it would go to trial, what he would plead.
09:31So here I am in this courtroom, very public. And I remember them asking details about where we would
09:37meet. And I had to explain to this room of people what it was so that they knew that I
09:42understood like
09:43that we had actually had. And I remember them asking me, did you give him any gifts? I was like,
09:50I didn't think so. If I think back now, like sure, like I made like friendship bracelets or things
09:54like that. But I remember that so clearly, because as I'm trying to think, I look over and his wife
10:00is
10:00nodding yes. I knew that she was only getting the side of the story of the version that he was
10:04giving
10:04her. Anyway, so he was sentenced to five to 10 years in prison. That was a relief. And then as
10:12far as I was
10:13concerned, things were done. I didn't want to talk to anybody. Obviously, you know, my mom tried to take me
10:18to
10:19counseling. I didn't have anything to say to them. I have nothing but love for his family. You know,
10:24his wife and his kids, they didn't ask for this. His kids are very sweet. I do remember after this
10:30had all come out, his wife and daughter had come to our house. I don't know what the adults talked
10:36about, like his wife and my mom, but his daughter came into my room. And I remember we're sitting on
10:41the bed and she opened up her Bible. And I remember her sharing scripture with me. And you know,
10:45it was a very gracious, loving kind of thing. She had to process the same traumatic things. I had
10:51been in contact with her, you know, kind of like in recent years. And she is actually working with
10:56traffic victims. So she just, she has a huge heart. I do love her and appreciate her very much.
11:02So she can kind of see both sides. Like she can love her father as a father, but still understand.
11:08But in more recent years, you know, he's out of prison now and was serving at a local church
11:14back in that town. And my sister still lives in that town. So we know people. And one of the
11:19people in the church noticed that he was on the Megan's Law Offender Registry and asked him about
11:24it. And his response was like, oh, that was just a misunderstanding with a 17 year old. That's not
11:31okay. Not okay in the least. In my eyes, I really just think he's using this as like, hey, I
11:36went to
11:36prison. Look what God can do with me. Like he's just adding that to his resume because he's not truly
11:42sharing like his story of what had happened. So like two years have gone by and I was watching
11:48like a daytime talk show, like, like the Sally, Jesse Raphael or whatever it was back in the
11:53nineties. And they were talking about grooming and my jaw hit the floor. I'd never heard of
12:00it. Word for word, what had happened to me, like what he had done to me. And I just couldn't
12:06comprehend. Like when you look at stories and grooming, like, I don't know if they all read
12:10like the same training manual or something, but they're all so similar. Like all the stories
12:14are different, but they're the same. I did not process any of that properly because I
12:19just didn't know how. And so carried that trauma with me. And for years, just struggle
12:23with anxiety, depression. I had a 20 year addiction and any addiction, whatever it be food.
12:31It's an escape from reality. So that had become my coping mechanism. I've been free several
12:36years now and it's just not even, not even an issue. And after 20 years. So those faulty
12:42core values that I had gained from that trauma is like, I am a bad person. I'm not worthy of
12:48protection. I have no value. And I just, my brain, I would go through life, like acting
12:54like I need to do something to get love. So I love the phrase. It's become like my motto,
12:59live loved. Like I am loved. I just am. I mean, if you find yourself coming out of this
13:04situation, just know like you were loved. It was not your fault at all. Your brain is
13:10not fully developed. That's why they prey on children because they know they can manipulate.
13:17Don't believe the lie that you're fine. You're not fine. I wasn't fine. Find a counselor. Like
13:23I went to counseling and it didn't help. Like you got to find a counselor that specializes
13:28in trauma. I like to share my story again, because these headlines aren't going away anytime soon.
13:34Like they're increasing and it's so sad. And the best way to combat something is to bring
13:40it into the light, to expose it, to share like what to watch for. My heart goes out to the
13:46parents
13:46when I read those headlines. You know, when you see these, the headlines shared on social
13:49media, all the comments are of course, like against the perpetrator, but my heart is directly
13:55like just going out to the victim and the parents who have to now navigate this. It's so freeing
14:00when you find someone else that has gone through the same thing. Um, and by sharing your story,
14:06you're giving someone else permission to share theirs. Like they don't have to be the first
14:10one. My advice for someone that has gone through this, take a deep breath, tell someone, find
14:16a trusted person. And the second that you share that shame, that embarrassment, it loses its power.
14:22Again, my name is Jen. Thank you so, so much, uh, for spending some time here with me to hear
14:27my story. Um, if you're finding yourself in a similar situation, you are not alone. You
14:32are loved, you are worthy, and we are all here for you. Live loved.
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