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00:00If I came down in my true form, I might freak you out, you humans, and especially snowflakes like you.
00:08I pledged to remove the hand dryer in the Crown and Treaty pub Oxbridge.
00:11It's far too close to the urinal.
00:13It is like air frying your genitals while attempting to urinate.
00:18It's got to be stopped.
00:19You have run many times before.
00:21No one's really taken you seriously until now.
00:24Well, firstly, fake news, Hassan.
00:26That's not true.
00:27Have you got addicted to that moment outside number 10 with the podium on no podium?
00:33Maybe everyone just needs to calm down a little.
00:36Maybe that's how I come in.
00:37If you get elected to Parliament, will you take off your helmet?
00:40You can't wear that bin in the House of Commons chamber.
00:44Nigel Farage's decision to quit his seat and stand for re-election in the constituency of Clacton this Thursday grabbed
00:51headlines across the UK.
00:53But you know what grabbed headlines across the world?
00:55The fact that all of the major parties decided not to run candidates against Farage,
00:59which meant the reformed UK leader has been left facing a self-described intergalactic space warrior,
01:06the leader of the Recyclons.
01:08Yes, Count Binface.
01:10Just this week, the Associated Press, the AP, devoted an entire piece to the race,
01:15referring to Britain's wackiest election in Clacton and the man in a can with a plan.
01:21You know, the garbage can on his head.
01:24I'm delighted to say that on the eve of this historic by-election,
01:27Count Binface himself joins me here on Zeteo UK.
01:31Welcome, Count Binface, to Zeteo UK.
01:35Well, it's a pleasure to be here, Mehdi.
01:37And firstly, thank you for pronouncing Zeteo, because I've seen it lots online.
01:42You're doing very well.
01:43But I didn't know how to say it.
01:44What does it mean?
01:45It means to search for the truth.
01:47It's ancient Greek, Count Binface.
01:49Exactly.
01:50I knew you'd say that.
01:51It's beautiful.
01:52Exactly.
01:53As you probably know, I'm a partial to a lovely bit of Earth languages from the past.
01:59From the past, indeed.
02:01From the past, indeed.
02:01The only sad thing is that you're writing it in English script.
02:05A bit lazy.
02:06Bill, your command of English is very strong.
02:08We're very impressed.
02:09Why are you running in Clacton to be a member of Parliament, Count Binface?
02:13Good question.
02:14I mean, running's putting it strongly, Mehdi.
02:16It's 38 degrees out there.
02:19I think standing is a more accurate description of my election activities.
02:25And even that might be difficult come Thursday night.
02:29But yes, I am taking part.
02:30I mean, my first answer is, of course, why not?
02:33This is democracy.
02:35And British democracy at that, the greatest in the world, in the cosmos,
02:39is the only one that would allow me to stand next to a prime minister,
02:44a minister, a party leader, architect of Brexit, you name it.
02:50And on that beautiful moment on election night,
02:53there is the great leveller where they have to stand next to whoever
02:56is brave enough to take them on.
02:59I mean, it's perfect, isn't it?
03:00That's why you're talking to me.
03:02Yes.
03:02I have to ask you this, though.
03:04You've stood next to prime ministers, as you said, Andy Burnham.
03:08You were at the Makerfield by-election.
03:10You were at the Theresa May election, Boris Johnson, Rishi Sunak.
03:15What did they make of you?
03:17Did you interact with these prime ministers?
03:19Well, I mean, my main answer to that would be, who cares what they think?
03:25Because with the exception of Andy Burnham,
03:27they've all gone into the dustbin of history, you see?
03:30I have taken out the trash.
03:32And obviously, Andy actually had the greatest conversation with me so far.
03:37He seemed to be aware of my policies, Mehdi.
03:40He quoted them to me, renaming HS2, FFS1.
03:46He knew all about it.
03:47He said he'd think about it.
03:48So maybe there's the start of a brighter galactic future for the UK
03:53with its new leader.
03:54But as for the other ones, good riddance.
03:56Good riddance, indeed.
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04:14You have run many times before.
04:17No one's really taken you seriously until now.
04:20All the other major parties decided to stand down.
04:22How excited were you when you heard there wouldn't be a Labour candidate or a Tory candidate
04:26or a Lib Dem, and it would just be Count Binface and a bunch of other no-names
04:30against Nigel Farage, the possible next Prime Minister of the UK?
04:34Well, firstly, fake news, Hassan.
04:37That's not true.
04:38Because in the London mayoral contests in 2021, I received 92,000 votes, first choice and second
04:48choice.
04:48Is that not being taken seriously?
04:51I finished ninth out of 20 candidates in the top half.
04:56Is that not being taken seriously?
04:58In the 2024 London mayor election, I got 24,000 votes and beat the fascists of Britain first
05:06by several thousand votes.
05:08Well done.
05:08Is that not being taken seriously?
05:10I mean, technically, you dropped 70,000 votes, but still, good that you beat the fascists.
05:14We're always happy when you beat the fascists.
05:16You mentioned your policies.
05:17Intellect, Mehdi.
05:17I'm taking you seriously.
05:19No, no, I'm going to take issue with you.
05:19Count Binface.
05:20Has he not done his research?
05:21No.
05:22In 2021, I received 24,775 first choice votes.
05:28Oh, let's see.
05:29Again, the cheeky, cheeky politicians changed the electoral system to first pass the post.
05:35How many did I get?
05:3624,000 again.
05:38So there is genuinely-
05:39Well, thank you for fact-checking me on the electoral system in London.
05:42Let's talk about your policies.
05:43You mentioned your policies.
05:44You've got a bunch of policy lists.
05:46Some of them are some fun ones.
05:48You want bus fares capped at £1.99.
05:51And you want the 99 flake ice cream to cost no more than 99p.
05:55I haven't lived in the UK for 12 years.
05:57I grew up enjoying in the UK a good flake on a softy.
06:00What does a flake cost right now?
06:02Thank you for saying they're fun policies.
06:04I like to think they are positive.
06:06But of course, they're deadly serious.
06:07That if Andy Burnham can price cap bus fares at £2,
06:12why shouldn't the people of Clacton get a little discount on that?
06:16I don't see why not.
06:17Which of course is fully funded in my manifesto.
06:19Classic politician.
06:20You're not actually answering my question.
06:21What is the cost of a flake ice cream right now?
06:25Excuse me.
06:25You asked me two questions.
06:26I'm just coming to that.
06:28So take it to just a little bit of patience, sir.
06:30You have asked me two things.
06:31I'll answer both things.
06:32Us politicians don't do that.
06:34I've remembered every part of your question.
06:36I should come to them in turn.
06:38I simply say, you called my bus policy fun.
06:41I'm saying it's fully costed by my windfall tax on cosy crime novels written by celebrities.
06:47Now let's move on to the ice creams.
06:49Yes, 99 flake ice creams should cost 99 pence before you scarf it to America.
06:56That is what they cost roughly.
06:58In Flinten the other day in the constituency, £3.80 for a 99 flake.
07:04I've had figures quoted to me in the southeast of England, £4.50 for a 99.
07:10And yet nobody can tell me what is actually in a 99 flake because it's not ice cream.
07:16I can tell you that for starters.
07:18Whatever it is, it's good.
07:20You've got some other, well, this could be seen as a serious policy.
07:24You want to move the hand dryer in the gent's toilet at a restaurant to a more sensible position.
07:29Why?
07:30Well, this is a longstanding policy of mine.
07:33Going right back to my Boris Johnson election, I pledged to move the hand dryer in the Crown
07:39and Treaty Pub, Oxbridge, to a more sensible position because it was dangerous.
07:44It's far too close to the urinal.
07:47And this has been, this has gone like wildfire, Mehdi.
07:50It's become a national and international issue.
07:52And humans have been sending me photos.
07:55And obviously, you've got to be careful when you take them.
07:57Of other gent's toilets around the world with similar problems.
08:02And the Great Himalayas Restaurant in Southport is a particularly prime offender.
08:07It is like air frying your genitals while attempting to urinate.
08:12It's got to be stopped.
08:14All right.
08:14You actually do have serious policies about your opponent, Nigel Farage.
08:17You say, for example, one of your top 20 policies is MPs who resign mid-parliament
08:22to be barred from the resulting by-election.
08:24Sounds like that's aimed at Nigel Farage.
08:26MPs who change party mid-parliament to be forced to face a by-election.
08:30Sounds like that's aimed at all the people who joined Reform UK from the Tories.
08:33And number 15, I will not accept £5 million gifts from crypto billionaires.
08:37On earth.
08:38Again, sounds like Nigel Farage and the money he accepted from Christopher Harbone,
08:42which is now being investigated.
08:43Well, it's paused, but was being investigated by the Parliamentary Standards Authority.
08:47So it seems like you're really going after your opponent, Nigel Farage.
08:49But you don't name him.
08:50Why don't you name him?
08:51Are you afraid of him?
08:53Well, it's interesting you say that, Mehdi.
08:55You say those policies are aimed at a certain individual.
08:59So you still won't say his name?
09:00I couldn't possibly comment.
09:01I would say they are uniform policies, because any MP, like David Davis in 2008,
09:10he called a by-election, as you darn well know, over a matter of principle.
09:15He should have been barred from that election as well.
09:17So this is not just an ad hominem attack whatsoever.
09:21I would suggest that if any MP were to be given a £5 million donation by a crypto billionaire,
09:31that they should A, fill out the requisite form, and B, the public have a right to know what's going
09:36on.
09:37So this is a blanket policy, Mehdi.
09:40I cannot state that strongly enough.
09:43You mentioned David Davis.
09:44He famously caused a by-election in his own seat.
09:47Not that famous.
09:48Not that famous.
09:49At the time.
09:49I was in the UK at the time.
09:50He was the Shadowhomes secretary.
09:51He ran for re-election in that seat.
09:54He ran unopposed, if memory serves me correctly.
09:56Not correct.
09:5726 other...
09:5926 candidates.
09:59OK, when I say unopposed, with the greatest respect, Count Bin Fess,
10:02I mean the major party, not random space aliens.
10:04How dare you?
10:05But I just said.
10:06But Davis ran again, and he got...
10:09I think his vote share went from about 46%, 47%, if memory serves me correctly,
10:13to something like 70-something percent.
10:14Is that what Nigel Farage needs to do on Thursday to show that he's actually in command of his constituency?
10:20Does he really need to increase his vote share to show he's the dominant figure in British politics?
10:25Well, that's a good question.
10:27I would say that's for the expert analysts like your good self to discern.
10:31For me, I would suggest that the very fact that the by-election has occurred,
10:36is the weakness, the chink in the Reform UK armour.
10:41I mean, you may well have seen it reported.
10:43I cannot believe this is true, but I've seen it reported that people inside Reform UK thought that by calling
10:51this by-election,
10:52it would have actually stopped the future by-election.
10:55We're clearly misunderstanding the rules if that to be the case.
11:00Whereas, of course, the other parties have decided not to run, either because they're frit, I love that word, of
11:06old bin-face,
11:07or because they think that this is a cunning stunt, I use those words advisedly, by Nigel Farage.
11:13So, in my opinion, whatever result Nigel gets on Thursday, the proof is in the fact that he made a
11:23false equivalence between a democratic mandate from Clarkton
11:27and the results of a parliamentary inquiry into his financial affairs.
11:33Yes, I would say that's going to come out in the wash.
11:38I agree with you.
11:39It's the first time you've mentioned his name.
11:40What do you make of Nigel Farage?
11:41What's your view of him?
11:43Well, I mean, he was the MP for Clarkton until recently.
11:47He has been the architect of Brexit, and I've been trying to analyse the pros and the cons of Brexit
11:58in the 10 years since that referendum occurred in the United Kingdom.
12:04First, I analysed the cons of Brexit.
12:08That took me quite a long time, but I'm still doing that.
12:12And then I decided to have a look at the pros.
12:19None?
12:20None of that I can say.
12:22There is a debate, Count Binface, that you, let's talk about your identity.
12:27People say that your alter ego, John Harvey, a London liberal, ex-BBC, anti-Brexit comedian, is running in all
12:36these races against Tories and reform because you're obsessed with Brexit and you want to make the right look bad.
12:42What do you say to them?
12:44Firstly, I would say that to break the fourth wall of a satirical character is a cardinal sin, no matter
12:51what side of the Atlantic you're on.
12:52I'm not asking you to break the wall. I'm asking you to comment on the critique of your alter ego.
12:56Yes, I don't know what you're talking about there.
12:59You know, all I would say is that anybody who has any knowledge of human comedy writers would do well
13:07to know that just to have had any involvement with the BBC does not make them a BBC individual.
13:14They would probably quite like that because of the old coin that the DG gets and all the rest of
13:21it, but it doesn't quite work like that.
13:23And that's the establishment. You know, who is the establishment? The lone wolf in a rather amateurish space armour from
13:31Sigma-9 or the gentleman who has been a member of the British Parliament, the member of the European Parliament,
13:37the central figure of British politics in the last 20 years, and is a member reputedly of the East India
13:44Gentlemen Club, which to this day, I understand, does not admit women.
13:49Let me ask you this. You talked about your identity not wanting to break the fourth wall.
13:53Well, in your current identity, you used to be Lord Buckethead before you renamed yourself Count Binface.
13:58When you ran against Theresa May, you were Lord Buckethead. Why did you, for want of a better word, transition?
14:05Well, if you read my history, which I'm sure you have, I'm sure this is just a rhetorical question, Mehdi.
14:10And just like I did with the old Zetao at the start, you know as well as I do that
14:14in 2017, when I first came down to Earth, I thought if I came down in my true form, I
14:21might freak you out, you humans.
14:24And especially snowflakes like you. And so I thought I better adopt a disguise.
14:31And I've discovered that a baronet, see, Lord Buckethead, had lain dormant for 25 years.
14:38I thought, I know, I'll go in disguise incognito, and that'll be a bit easier for you guys.
14:44It worked a treat until it turned out I had a little snafu on the planet copyright.
14:50So I respawned in my true guise, and I'm the first politician in history who's felt better after kicking the
14:56bucket. How about it?
14:58All right. And if you get elected, do you think you're going to pull off a Martin Bell or a,
15:02I don't know, Stephen Twigg against Michael Portillo on Thursday?
15:06Well, I mean, if I get elected, I will have done that. It's a paradox in your question there.
15:10I think what you mean is, do you think I can achieve Martin Bell or Stephen Twigg?
15:15Be careful on your syntax there, Mehdi.
15:17Thank you for helping me.
15:18Yes, I take your point. Well, of course, Stephen Twigg was a Labour member who was sort of swept in
15:25in the 1997 landslide.
15:27Even I know that. So that's a poor comparison.
15:30Martin Bell, much more my kind of guy. Interesting suit.
15:36But he actually won Count Binface. Can you?
15:39Well, that's what we're talking about. I don't know. But I mean, who knows? You know, democracy.
15:43It's a pretty crappy answer from a politician. You're supposed to say, yes, of course I can win.
15:48Let me...
15:49I'm being honest, mate. That's what you can...
15:50All right. All right, all right.
15:51What do you want?
15:52In the interest of honesty, in the interest of honesty, if you get elected to Parliament, will you take off
15:58your helmet?
15:58Because you can't wear that bin in the House of Commons chamber.
16:01Not true either. I was live on Newsnight. Do you remember them?
16:06Yeah.
16:06And obviously they're going down and Zeteo's coming up.
16:11But, you know, I went on them as well.
16:13And the political editor, Nick Watts, said live on air that British members of Parliament had been debating how to
16:21change the rules to allow me to enter Parliament in my full regalia.
16:26Now, you might think, as I've been saying, maybe they should have been concentrating first on fixing the British economy.
16:34But there we are. You know, maybe they have got their priorities right.
16:37It's funny you mentioned Newsnight going down, and you called them, I think, a souped-up podcast when you were
16:41on air with BBC Newsnight.
16:43You also did John Craig of Sky News, kind of tore him a new one when he interviewed you very
16:47reluctantly on the Makerfield by-action night.
16:50Only metaphorically.
16:50You also kind of mocked LBC. You asked them where Sangeeta Maiska is, who's now a Zeteo contributor.
16:55Do you take a very dim view of the British media? Does Count Binface not a fan of the British
16:59mainstream media?
17:00You missed out that I told GB News that they should comply with Ofcom rules, a deadly opportunity.
17:06Serious point there. Serious point there.
17:08Do you appreciate that?
17:09I do. So what's your view of the British mainstream media? It sounds like it's not a very high one.
17:14But it waxes and wanes like your moon, Mehdi. You know, I'm very glad that you have a trenchant media.
17:24You know, I'm willing to talk to journalists. I've done quite a lot of national, international, and most importantly, local
17:32news.
17:33I think it's one of the great things that separates democracies from tyrannies, just like, of course, free and fair
17:40elections where anyone can stand.
17:41So it's very important that you guys ask the questions you ask, but you also get decent answers back, which
17:50mark your syntax and grammar accordingly.
17:53Last question. British democracy. What state is it in? Healthy? Unhealthy? Worried?
17:59Well, that's a very good question. We could we could talk all night about that.
18:03And I would say the very fact that I can still do this is a we can give that a
18:08tick on the old bill of health.
18:10There are many countries in the on your planet that you don't see Count Bin facing China or Russia or
18:16North Korea, do you?
18:18So there's some you guys are doing something right. I say you guys.
18:22I know you're in America, but you know what I'm still British and we're on to tell you, OK?
18:25Exactly. So, you know, I think there's there's lots to celebrate.
18:29And I will say this, you know, one of the reasons I haven't wanted to be ad hominem in this
18:34campaign is because whether you agree with Nigel Farage's politics or not,
18:38or indeed any of the other candidates, there are 34 human individuals, about 33 humans and me, who have been
18:45brave enough to put themselves forward and stand on that stage for election.
18:50And that needs celebrating in itself. So that's good. I mean, as for the British parliamentary system in itself.
18:58Well, well, seven prime ministers in 10 years, I mean, it's you're changing them at a rate faster than Doctor
19:03Who can't be good.
19:05But maybe Andy Burnham is the guy for the for the hot seat for a while.
19:11All I would say is whoever's in charge, give them a chance and then judge them.
19:16I think everyone is a little bit like a football management, wouldn't you say, Mehdi?
19:21Maybe the media, they play their role in that. Have you got addicted to that moment outside number 10 with
19:27the podium or no podium?
19:29Maybe everyone just needs to calm down a little.
19:32OK, maybe that's how I come in.
19:34I do enjoy getting a thoughtful critique of the British media from a man with a bin on his head.
19:39I do. You know, I don't endorse candidates.
19:41Count bin phase. Zeteo doesn't endorse candidates.
19:43But I would say if I was in Clacton, I'd be very tempted to vote for the man who says
19:48this is very important one to me.
19:50Number number eight on your list of policies, arcade grabber games to be made fairer.
19:54So players actually have a chance to win. That has always pissed me off.
19:58But the stupid hook things are just the whole thing is rigged.
20:03It's disgraceful, isn't it?
20:04Although I would say this, that you've chosen to land on that one rather than point 10 in this heat
20:11wave that oil and gas companies should pay for solar panels for everyone.
20:16A policy that was brought to me by a human child named Jack, aged 10.
20:22How brilliant is that?
20:23The children, human children, have been sending me their ideas like they send Father Christmas their presents.
20:30And they want me to help them try and fix the world that your generation is.
20:36Well, I won't say what I should be saying. Screwing up. How about that?
20:39I think it's it's it's our generation, John.
20:42Count Binface, thank you so much for your time. I appreciate it.
20:46I appreciate being on with you, Mehdi.
20:48And may Zeteo thrive and have the most wonderful future.
20:53Appreciate the endorsement.
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