19:45We're done
24:01we'd make our relationship public after graduation
24:04instead, he broke up with me
24:05and puts on a public romance with someone else
24:07my phone rings again, it's an
24:09i message from mom, katie if you
24:11want to stay in the US for college you can
24:13I start typing, mom I've made up my
24:15mind, I'm going to apply to universities in the
24:17UK, by the time I get home
24:19I'm soaked, my hair sticks to my face
24:21and my shoes are full of water, my phone buzzes
24:24it's an Instagram notification from
24:25Lucas, I open the app and see his latest
24:27post, when at Rachel becomes my girlfriend
24:29in the photo, his arm is around
24:31her shoulders and he looks smug
24:34Rachel crosses her arms
24:35and pouts, fierce but cute
24:37as if she is sulking and challenging him at
24:39once, the comments blow up right
24:41away, oh my god my favorite couple
24:43the hockey captain and the head cheerleader
24:45perfect match, then I see
24:47comments about me, Lucas goes public
24:49so fast, katie must be crying by now, crying
24:51she doesn't deserve to, sure her family
24:53has money, but that's about it, she's not good
24:55enough for Lucas, then someone posts an
24:57ugly picture of me that they secretly took
24:59at last year's school sports day
25:01more and more people like it until the picture
25:03climbs to the top of the comments
25:04I throw my phone onto the couch and burst into tears
25:07not good enough has followed me like a shadow
25:09for more than 10 years, ever since I met Lucas
25:11Lucas looks perfect, gets perfect grades
25:13and has the kind of athletic talent
25:15everyone envies, compared to him
25:17I was invisible, average grades, plain
25:19quiet, never at parties
25:21always in a corner with a book, even though he never
25:23came over to me at school
25:25whenever someone picked on me, Lucas was
25:27always the first one to stand up for me, the worst
25:29time, a group of guys cornered me, Lucas jumped in and fought them to protect me
25:33I cleaned his cuts afterward, my heart ached so much that I couldn't speak
25:37we started dating in secret after that, I thought I was special to him
25:41Rachel transferred to our school in junior year
25:43she was beautiful and smart
25:45as soon as she arrived, she took first place from Lucas
25:47Lucas started picking on her
25:49they competed over grades, contests and clubs
25:52when Rachel won the regional speech and debate championship
25:55Lucas signed up for the next debate tournament
25:57Lucas was the hockey team captain
25:59so Rachel ran for head cheerleader
26:01whoever lost had to do whatever the winner asked
26:03the whole school shipped them
26:05Lucas always complained about it loudly
26:06I didn't understand at first, now I do
26:09whenever Rachel gave a speech, Lucas couldn't take his eyes off her
26:12whenever she looked at him, he looked away right away
26:14when she felt sick, he secretly brought her hot water
26:17when she failed a test, he pushed her to do better
26:20using harsh words to hide how much he cared
26:22even the famous hockey captain was still a teenage boy
26:24around a girl he liked, he did childish, confusing things just to get her attention
26:28what really scared me was the SAT in June of our junior year
26:31Rachel scored badly
26:32the test, after summer was her last chance
26:34Lucas scored well but he didn't to show off
26:36he cancelled every date with me and spent all his time studying with her in the library
26:40and making study notes
26:41I barely saw him all summer
26:42instead, Instagram was full of candid photos of the two of them together
26:46I begged him to let me join their study group
26:48he gently patted my head and said
26:50we're studying things that are too hard for you
26:52just study at home
26:55after we graduate, we'll tell everyone we're together
26:57I waited without complaint
26:59I believed that if I could just endure it
27:00he would come back to me
27:01but after tonight, I finally understand
27:03my classmates aren't the only ones who look down on me
27:06Lucas does too
27:09I cry myself to sleep on the couch
27:11by the time I wake up, the rain has stopped
27:13the doorbell rings
27:14I open the door and find Lucas on the porch
27:16he sounds impatient
27:17I deleted the comments, the post isn't real
27:20my mom wants you at dinner
27:21let's go
27:22he reaches for my hand, but I step away
27:24when we get to Lucas' house, Rachel is already there
27:27she pushes the umbrella into my hands and smiles brightly
27:29Katie, thanks for your umbrella
27:31Katie, perfect timing
27:33my son got a girlfriend and didn't even tell me
27:36all I can do is force a smile and nod
27:39at dinner, Lucas' mom is very happy to hear
27:41that Rachel is a top student and a head cheerleader
27:43Rachel and Lucas are perfect for each other
27:46my son should be with a girl like her
27:48she can't stop smiling
27:49Lucas quickly changes the subject
27:52I applied to Stanford
27:53what about you, Rachel?
27:54Stanford, of course
27:55I'm definitely going to get in
27:58Lucas' mom looks even happier
27:59Katie, where are you applying?
28:02I...
28:02Katie's grades are just so-so
28:04she could apply to a state school
28:06before we broke up, that really was my plan
28:08now everything is different
28:09I'll talk about it later
28:11I say quietly
28:12Lucas' face darkens at once
28:14he looks down and starts texting me
28:16I don't reply
28:17after dinner
28:18Lucas' mom takes out a stack of cash
28:20and hands it to him
28:21Katie
28:23come with us, we're all classmates
28:24it's okay
28:25are you coming?
28:27you guys go
28:28I've got a cold so I'm heading home to rest
28:30his brow relaxes
28:31he takes Rachel's hand and leaves
28:32I watch their fingers lock together
28:34and the red numbers from the no sparks challenge
28:37flash through my mind
28:38maybe I had lost from the very beginning
28:41I go home and sleep again
28:42when I wake up social media is exploding
28:44Lucas and Rachel have both posted a carousel of amusement park photos
28:48the comments are full of hearts
28:50then Lucas posts a story
28:51suddenly I don't want this to end
28:53he deletes it seconds later
28:54I'm not surprised
28:55I saw the signs that he was falling for her before he did
28:58early the next morning
28:59Lucas shows up at my door
29:00Katie
29:01take your medicine
29:02I'm fine
29:06Katie, how long are you going to keep this up?
29:08we broke up
29:09go find Rachel
29:10it's just an act
29:11you're the one I love
29:12you say you love me
29:13but then you post that you don't want it to end
29:16that story?
29:18you saw it?
29:19I saw everything
29:21you held the umbrella over her
29:22you took drinks for her
29:24if you like her that much
29:25why do you keep coming back to me?
29:26I shut the door before he can explain
29:28my phone lights up with a UCAS confirmation email
29:31your UCAS application has been submitted successfully
29:33I book an early flight to the UK
29:35I stare at the flight confirmation
29:37and make up my mind to leave for good
29:39wait for good
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