00:00Called Lorne, but kind of pissed.
00:02I was like, hey.
00:03So, what do you think about rubdowns?
00:06There's like a long pause and he goes,
00:08I can live with rubdowns.
00:12Hi, I'm Andy Samberg.
00:13And I'm Kate McKinnon.
00:15And this is Inquiring Minds with Esquire.
00:18Shall we commence?
00:19Let's do this.
00:20Number one, who was the last person
00:23to make you break character while filming?
00:26I don't often break.
00:27If you don't say me, I swear.
00:29It was you.
00:30How about you?
00:32Probably you.
00:33What about at SNL?
00:34I tried so hard.
00:35Because I remember my first year,
00:37someone was like, Lorne does not like it.
00:40If Lorne doesn't like it,
00:41it doesn't seem like people seem to care.
00:42What?
00:44Okay, jug time.
00:46Kate.
00:49That's all whiskey.
00:51If you wrote a memoir, what would it be called?
00:55Sailing on by, breezing on through,
00:59jogging on down.
01:01And is there a colon in between each of these?
01:04No, this is one run-on.
01:04Or one run-on.
01:05One word.
01:07The Bobby Cannavale story.
01:08Oh.
01:08No, I don't.
01:09Well, you know.
01:11Mine would be spare, too.
01:12Okay, go on.
01:16There, I just broke.
01:17What's something totally mundane that always makes you laugh?
01:21This isn't mundane, but it's like a dad in his tighty-whities coming down in the middle
01:27of a slumber party to yell at everyone.
01:29That's kind of exciting, but that visual always makes me laugh.
01:32Hey!
01:33And everyone's like...
01:34Have you ever done it?
01:36I've never been the yeller yet.
01:38I'm waiting until my kids get a little older and then I'm going to buy some tighty-whities
01:41just so I'm ready.
01:42Yeah.
01:42Okay.
01:43What's the biggest career risk you've ever taken besides this?
01:49Sorry.
01:50Sorry.
01:50I added that last part.
01:52Honestly, was auditioning for Saturday Night Live, I obviously wanted it so bad, but when
02:01I audition and when I am not cast inevitably, then what will my dream be?
02:07What will I do with myself?
02:08Yeah.
02:08Once that golden goose has been removed from my sight, what will I aspire to?
02:16I know what you're saying.
02:17When I got asked to audition, I did the mental trick to myself of, okay, I'm not going to
02:23get it.
02:24So just enjoy that you got to actually go see the stage and everything.
02:29Absolutely.
02:30Because it's the same thing.
02:31It was the only thing I ever wanted.
02:32Yeah.
02:32And I was like, well, clearly I won't get it.
02:34That's stupid.
02:34And maybe that helped me relax.
02:37While either of your auditions were happening, did you guys feel like they were going well?
02:40I was shocked that I did think mine was going well.
02:43I could hear Tina Fey laughing and I was like, uh-oh.
02:47That's the best thing that ever happened.
02:51You must have known yours was going well.
02:53I heard some titters and I was told that it would be a titterless experience.
02:58Exactement.
02:59Exactement.
02:59Wow.
03:00Was that, did my ear hear a titter?
03:03Was it a phantom titter?
03:04Yeah.
03:05I don't know about you.
03:06I practiced harder than I've ever practiced in my life for that.
03:12Because usually I just wing it.
03:14But I thought if this is the most important five minutes of my life to date, I shant wing.
03:20Nary a wing shall be shanted.
03:22Pretty sure that's right.
03:23I did not wing and I received titters instead.
03:26Mm-hmm.
03:27And that is the title of my memoir.
03:29I received titters instead.
03:32Circled back to it.
03:33I couldn't think of anything when the card came up.
03:36Right.
03:36And I hated myself.
03:39What is the pettiest thing you've ever argued about?
03:43Oh my God.
03:44Take your pick.
03:46Probably like the writing of jokes.
03:49Yes.
03:49Oh gosh.
03:50Me too.
03:51Where you get hung up on like one word.
03:52Oh my God.
03:53With who you're working with.
03:54And you're like, no, it has to be fart, not toot.
03:57Whatever.
03:58During my time with the show, we did a digital short called Roy Rules, which was about my
04:02actual brother-in-law, Roy, and how I wanted to sleep with him.
04:04There was a line in it, I've got this theory, he was put on earth by God to give men
04:11succulent
04:12hand jobs.
04:13Mm-hmm.
04:14Lorne and everyone were like, you can't do that.
04:16So we were like toiling over what to replace hand jobs with.
04:21Mm-hmm.
04:21And we're like, rub downs, rub downs, it's got the right music to it.
04:25It's still funny.
04:26And so I was like called Lorne, but kind of pissed.
04:30I was like, hey.
04:32Okay, so hand jobs is out.
04:37What do you think about rub downs?
04:40There's like a long pause and he goes, I can live with rub downs.
04:47I was like, okay, we'll change it.
04:50And I hung up the phone and I was like, he's fine with rub downs.
04:54And then like a week later, I'm like, I'm crazy.
04:59I was so intense about that and so mad.
05:03And then I was like, yeah, it's probably better.
05:05Which SNL skit was perfect from start to finish?
05:07The first of the alien abduction character that I have done sketches.
05:14Yeah.
05:14And I had nothing to do with that.
05:15That was Streeter Seidel, Mikey Day just wrote it.
05:18Yeah.
05:19And handed it to me on the morning of the read through.
05:21Oh, wow.
05:22And we're like, we wrote this.
05:23I don't know.
05:24I didn't know you didn't have any of the writing on that.
05:26So your voice.
05:27I think I've pitched the word Kahooters and that was it.
05:30So I had to just chill up there with my damn coot coot and prune shoe hair until the place
05:36opened up.
05:36And it barely changed all week and it was just flawless from start to finish.
05:42Love that.
05:43My only addition was that I made that I was smoking and that the folds of my vagina were visible
05:49in my jeans because they were pulled so tight.
05:51Say more about that.
05:55You know, inspired by the great Molly Shannon Camel Toe characters, of which there were several, I believe.
06:03Oh, yes.
06:03The higher you can pull, the more they will laugh.
06:07And that is my second memoir.
06:11Got to do a follow up.
06:12Is this going well?
06:13What's the harshest note you've ever received on set?
06:17Hey, that was great.
06:18Let's do another one and maybe just try like bringing it way down.
06:24Yeah.
06:27Me too.
06:28You're like, oh, I thought I was.
06:30Just smaller.
06:31Let's do it again.
06:32Smaller.
06:32But like way, way smaller.
06:35Just throw it away.
06:35Throw it away.
06:36Just smaller.
06:37Smaller?
06:37Like you don't even care.
06:38You almost aren't even saying it.
06:39It's almost like you're just thinking it.
06:41Just say the words.
06:41Just say the words.
06:42The words that were written.
06:44Just smaller.
06:45Just bring it down.
06:46What's the strangest fan interaction you've ever had?
06:48There's a clear answer.
06:50I just, in 2015, I was walking on the sidewalk and can I just get up and demonstrate this?
06:56Here, you be me.
06:57Just stand up.
06:58Do I have to also stand?
06:59We don't have to do this.
07:01Is this enough?
07:02Yeah, that's good.
07:03That's good.
07:03You're me.
07:05I was like this.
07:06A guy walked by and was like, Hillary!
07:13In right there in his head.
07:19God damn.
07:20I went, Jesus Christ!
07:24That was just the reaction that came out of my mouth.
07:27Why did he think that was okay?
07:28And then everyone looked at me screaming, Jesus Christ.
07:31Yeah.
07:32Involuntarily.
07:33Okay, cool.
07:33You had a famous feud with Seth Meyers' dog, Frisbee.
07:37Had.
07:38Currently have.
07:39R.I.P.
07:40Now that she is actually gone, how are you coping?
07:44Uh, it's been a real mix of emotions.
07:46It's been sort of like, worry for my friend and his family.
07:51And also like, jubilation.
07:52Obviously the whole thing is very funny.
07:54This is the worst Greyhound since the bus!
07:58Did you meet her?
07:59Yeah.
08:00You'd spent time with her?
08:02I met her halfway.
08:03And what about, was her personality also objectionable?
08:09I would, I mean, not like an asshole dog.
08:13Yeah.
08:13Not like, hey, your hat fell off, you know?
08:16Uh-huh.
08:16But like, tough to be around, for sure, yeah.
08:19Not a schoolyard bully, but an anxious gal?
08:23Yeah, she was like, it just kind of felt like
08:26there was a rat in the room that wasn't supposed to be there.
08:30You know like, when you're in your apartment and you're like barefoot?
08:32Yeah.
08:33And then she's like, oh fuck, oh fuck, it's a fucking rat!
08:35Like that.
08:35Yeah.
08:36That's kind of how she made me feel in my soul.
08:38And my mother always said, if you can step on a dog and kill it,
08:40it's not a dog, it's a rat.
08:43What's a sketch idea you loved that got completely shut down?
08:48Oh.
08:49There was a stretch of time when I was trying to come up with things
08:52that could recur on an update.
08:54Of course.
08:55We all do go through it.
08:57And I tried to do a thing where I was playing the lead singer
09:02from that group, Fine Young Cannibals.
09:04Okay.
09:04And the segment was called Good Things.
09:06Okay.
09:07Because he sings, good thing, where have you gone?
09:10That song?
09:11Uh-huh.
09:11So it would be like talking about current events of the week
09:14and then going, and that's a good thing.
09:17Like when something good happened in the world.
09:20And I was like, Seth, it's topical.
09:23It's what you're always asking for.
09:24You're always like, it should be topical.
09:25That's why we don't pick your stuff, because it's just silly and random.
09:28But this is like, it could recur.
09:29And he's like, what the fuck are you talking about?
09:33They came in base, shut it down so hard.
09:35It was like, I got whiplash.
09:37Anyway.
09:38Can I say about something I did one year?
09:41Yes.
09:41Which was that I was obsessed with playing a Scottish person in any context.
09:46And so I wrote a sketch where I was a Scottish woman who had never been kissed,
09:52who wanted a kiss, who was giving a tour.
09:56She would say, I like a kiss, please.
09:59I need a case.
10:01So obviously a brilliant idea.
10:04Yes.
10:05And then it didn't make it.
10:06And then every three weeks for the entire year.
10:11Put it back up.
10:12I did some, I did like, Nicola Sturgeon, the Scottish Prime Minister, being like,
10:17I want a kiss, please.
10:21And finally, Seth did call me in and he was like, you have to stop.
10:25Gotta stop it.
10:27Gotta stop.
10:27I need a kiss.
10:28You're chilling, people.
10:30And I only am remembering because we just talked about it on our podcast,
10:33but I played Scrooge McDuck on Update.
10:35I wrote it with Simon Rich and the joke they reminded me of that really made me laugh was,
10:39I wasn't born a duck, Seth.
10:41Because he has a disease from swimming in his gold.
10:46That turned him into a duck man.
10:51Anyway.
10:51Well, you know what?
10:53Speed round.
10:53Can we get the speed round in here?
10:55This is an idea we just had.
10:57Come on.
10:57Dick in a box or jizz in my pants.
10:59Dick in a box.
10:59Barbara De Drew, Whiskers Are We, or Colleen Rafferty, Close Encounters?
11:04I have to go with Barbara De Drew, Whiskers Are We, because I like doing a lateral.
11:09This is called a lateral lisp.
11:12Line from a movie or sketch you quote too much.
11:15Easy phone home.
11:17Who would narrate your inner voice?
11:20David Attenborough.
11:21Richard Attenborough.
11:23Which one is which?
11:24I'm not touching this one.
11:26Quaid Army?
11:28Righteous Kill.
11:28Walkout Song.
11:30If you were a pro wrestler.
11:32Probably Hallelujah.
11:38Weirdest Irrational Fear.
11:40Who?
11:41Oh, do I have any irrational fears?
11:43They all seem rational to us.
11:44I think all of my fears are extremely rational.
11:47No, I'm a hypochondriac to the max, and I'm always, whenever I go out of the country or even just
11:53to a new town, I end up at a walk-in medical clinic for something.
11:58Well, you were great.
12:00As were you.
12:01Hey, thanks for watching.
12:04Appreciate the watch.
12:05And look.
12:06Speaking of watching.
12:07You're going to want to go see the roses in theaters.
12:10And don't forget to check out all our other work.
12:14I think it's a hoot.
12:15You're going to have a bunch of little laughs.
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