Lindsay Clancy: A Theory

Stefan Molyneux

Philosopher Stefan Molyneux presents a theory on the Lindsay Clancy case and the long fight between a mother and her toddler son. He says young boys naturally resist female authority that lacks respect, fathers must step in to protect them, and a child's growing independence can provoke an abusive parent's rage.  0:00:00 Clancy Case Background 0:01:57 Boys Resist Mom 0:04:51 My Childhood Violence 0:08:29 Threats and Compliance 0:16:14 Why Kids Submit 0:21:11 A Father’s Failure 0:25:24 Protecting Sons 0:30:14 Toddler Battles Fail 0:33:19 Abuse, Status, and Control 0:44:08 No Contact Fallout 0:54:12 Independence Sparks Rage 0:58:00 The Final Milestone  JOIN ME IN NASHVILLE SEPTEMBER 12! https://wordwardebate.com/  Use code STEFAN for 10% off!  GET FREEDOMAIN MERCH! https://shop.freedomain.com/  SUBSCRIBE TO ME ON X! https://x.com/StefanMolyneux  Follow me on Youtube! https://www.youtube.com/@freedomain1  GET MY NEW BOOK 'PEACEFUL PARENTING', THE INTERACTIVE PEACEFUL PARENTING AI, AND THE FULL AUDIOBOOK! https://peacefulparenting.com/  Join the PREMIUM philosophy community on the web for free!  Subscribers get 12 HOURS on the "Truth About the French Revolution," multiple interactive multi-lingual philosophy AIs trained on thousands of hours of my material - as well as AIs for Real-Time Relationships, Bitcoin, Peaceful Parenting, and Call-In Shows!  You also receive private livestreams, HUNDREDS of exclusive premium shows, early release podcasts, the 22 Part History of Philosophers series and much more!  See you soon! https://freedomain.locals.com/support/promo/FREEDOMAIN2026

Transcript

00:00:00So the etymology of the Lindsay Clancy case is fascinating, of course.

00:00:06And I don't know her.

00:00:09The trial is still ongoing.

00:00:11There is a Facebook post that she made, apparently, to a, you know, difficult kids, you know,

00:00:20tough time parenting group or whatever it was called, where she was talking about her

00:00:25boy, her second born.

00:00:26Her first born was a girl, and her second born, of course, was a boy.

00:00:31And when he was 18 or 19 months, then what happened was she posted, I won't read the

00:00:40whole thing, just the general gist is like, what am I supposed to do?

00:00:44What am I supposed to do when my second child just resists and fights everything that I

00:00:53do, resists and fights everything that I do?

00:00:57He fights getting up in the morning.

00:00:59He fights at breakfast.

00:01:00He fights at lunch.

00:01:02He fights to go down for a nap.

00:01:03He fights at bedtime.

00:01:04He fights at bath time.

00:01:06He just opposes everything.

00:01:07What am I supposed to do?

00:01:09And she said, I've already had a kid.

00:01:10This isn't my first rodeo.

00:01:11So, what am I supposed to do when he just resists everything that I want and fights everything

00:01:18that I want?

00:01:20I mean, partly it's a boy thing, of course, that boys resist female authority.

00:01:30Are you ready?

00:01:30Do you understand?

00:01:31Boys resist female authority.

00:01:35We have to.

00:01:37We have to.

00:01:38Women, not all, but dysfunctional mothers, want to impose their wills upon their children.

00:01:48And the girls may comply.

00:01:52The boys will fight tooth and nail.

00:01:54And I've mentioned this before, but it's been a while, so I'll just keep this brief.

00:01:57So, of course, the reason that boys resist maternal authority as they get older, although

00:02:05this is like 19 months or 18 months, so it's pretty young, but the reason that boys resist

00:02:11maternal authority is that if maternal authority wins and the children, the sons, the boys,

00:02:20end up kowtowing to females, end up broken, end up dominated by the female, then they cannot

00:02:28have a chance to be any kind of alphas and thus attract more females, like the higher quality

00:02:37females.

00:02:38A mother who attempts to subjugate her son is trying to turn him into a beta, is trying

00:02:46to turn him into a simp, is trying to turn him into someone who cannot attract a quality

00:02:52female.

00:02:53Quality females will test for strength, right?

00:02:58Quality females will test for strength because quality females need to know that you can be

00:03:05a strong leader for the family in the areas you're leading in.

00:03:09Strong, competent females want to know that you will raise strong sons and strong females,

00:03:16high quality females want to test a man to make sure he can exercise authority because she

00:03:22wants an alpha.

00:03:25And alphas need to be a little kick-ass dominant from time to time.

00:03:30I'm not talking mean or abusive or anything like that, but just like, no, this is not how

00:03:34it's going to be.

00:03:34It's going to be this way.

00:03:35And women can do this from time to time as well.

00:03:37So blah, blah, blah.

00:03:38It's not like some pyramid patriarchy structure, but, you know, the man who is comfortable putting

00:03:46his foot down when his values are compromised is an attractive man.

00:03:51So women, high quality women, will want a man who can assert his authority.

00:03:56And bad mothers who are trying to break the balls of their sons, so to speak, and make

00:04:03them spineless and make them obedient, are producing sons that quality women do not want.

00:04:10When I was 12, 13, 14, 15, those couple of years, I was engaged, as was my brother, in

00:04:20a fairly hellacious battle against my mother because she wished to exercise authority over

00:04:26us when we did not respect her.

00:04:28And it wasn't like we didn't respect her because she was a female.

00:04:30I mean, I respect my wife enormously, and she's a female, of course, and my daughter.

00:04:35And it is that we didn't respect her, and therefore we would be goddamned if we would

00:04:42do what she wanted us to do, because we understood it was just the brute exercise of petty willpower

00:04:48and dominance on the part of our mother with no respect behind it.

00:04:52I've mentioned this before on the show, but a sort of vivid memory and a continual story

00:04:55of my childhood and teenage years was my mother absolutely embittered with rage that once when

00:05:03we were over at my uncle's house, this was my father's sister's husband, of course, and

00:05:14the man who had been an airline pilot and, you know, was a very sort of competent and accomplished

00:05:20man, the uncle said to my brother, name, you've, you left the toothpaste cap off the tube.

00:05:28And my dad, sorry, my, my brother ran up the stairs and put the toothpaste cap on the tube.

00:05:34And this embittered my mother enormously because she couldn't get us to do anything.

00:05:38And it's, look, I understand it's very frustrating for women whose sons don't respect them to have

00:05:47sons roll their eyes at them and mock them and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's very frustrating.

00:05:53I understand that. You want your kids to do stuff. They're rolling their eyes. They're not respecting

00:05:57you. I mean, the only thing that you can really do is try to gain their respect. But that seems

00:06:01to

00:06:01be, ooh, I don't know, a bridge too far for most of these types of shrill and insecure and dominant

00:06:09and aggressive and bullying kind of women. So men, boys fight their mother's dominance.

00:06:15It's an instinctual thing, which is I do not want to be subjugated to a bossy, irrational woman,

00:06:26because if I am subjugated to a bossy and irrational woman, then I cannot get a high quality female

00:06:33and I'm going to spend the rest of my life being bossed around by women. So if your mother is

00:06:39telling

00:06:39you what to do and you don't respect her as a male, I mean, you have to just fight it

00:06:46tooth and nail.

00:06:47You just have to fight it tooth and nail or you're going to end up as a beta with a

00:06:53bossy wife pushed

00:06:54around in front of your kids and you're going to transmit that to your sons. And nature, of course,

00:06:59wants to program us to be at the top. Nature wants to program us to be at the top. Nature

00:07:07has made us,

00:07:08as has made all apes, bald and hairy, a striving species, a striving species. And because of that,

00:07:18any behavior that dominates and crushes a boy's spirit, particularly from a female, because if his

00:07:27dad is a bully, well, he doesn't have to marry a man, right, if he's straight. So it's not quite

00:07:32as

00:07:32bad, although he's probably going to be pushed around in the workplace. It's not quite the same

00:07:36as having to sleep with someone who bullies and bosses you. But if as a boy, you're pushed and

00:07:42bossed around by your mother, then you cannot get a quality woman. You're only going to end up

00:07:48with a woman in your life who's going to boss and bully you around for the rest of your life.

00:07:51And so, obviously, I don't know what was happening between Lindsay Clancy's son and Lindsay over the

00:08:00course of that. I mean, there's an evidence that they were engaged in a deep battle of wills

00:08:07that she could not conceive of how to lower the temperature of. How do you reduce conflict?

00:08:16If you are in a battle of wills with your son as a mother, how do you reduce that conflict?

00:08:26How do

00:08:27you cool that battle? Well, if you're a bossy nag that the boy doesn't respect, then he's going to

00:08:34fight you tooth and nail. Now, the only real way that you can deal with that is through violence,

00:08:42right? So, if you have a resistant son, the only way that you can deal with that is through violence.

00:08:50And I, of course, I know this from personal experience that my mother was, you know, bitching

00:08:56and hitting and yelling and screaming at me when I was three or so. And then I decided to pack

00:09:01up some

00:09:02biscuits and bread in a pillow sack and try and flee the house. And then my mother caught me and

00:09:10beat my head against this steel door. And I went limp because I realized that I couldn't fight, I

00:09:16couldn't survive, that I was risking grievous bodily damage, brain damage or death to continue to resist.

00:09:24And so, I submitted, at least until I was in my early teens, at which point I began to fight

00:09:31back

00:09:32considerably. So, you can get a child to subjugate himself to your will if you're willing to use

00:09:41extreme violence. But, I mean, at least until the end, obviously, Lindsay Clancy did not appear to be

00:09:50willing to use extreme violence. Plus, extreme violence is illegal if it's caught, right? Bruises and

00:09:58all that kind of stuff. I mean, certainly my mother's attack upon me that night in 1969 was

00:10:08absolutely criminal. I mean, it was a, I mean, to beat a child's head against a metal door, you know,

00:10:17to

00:10:17the point where he half faints and he goes limp, that is attempted murder, right? So, that is attempted

00:10:25murder. Like, you know, shaking babies can kill them and beating kids' heads against a metal door

00:10:31can cause them great brain damage or kill them. So, it was grievous bodily assault, I would put it in

00:10:37the category of attempted murder. Now, of course, if your mother is willing to kill you, which my mother

00:10:47certainly was willing to do and risked that, right? And risked that. I mean, risked that beating my head

00:10:53that badly against a metal door would be extremely dangerous. And if I had been brain dead or if I

00:11:02had

00:11:02been brain damaged or if I had died, then she would have gone to prison for a long time because,

00:11:12well,

00:11:13that would be murder, right? And even if she had given me some sort of brain damage or some sort

00:11:18of concussion where she had to take me to the hospital, then that would have been tough for her,

00:11:23right? Because, of course, I mean, it was still pretty early on in detecting child abuse, but the

00:11:28doctors, of course, would have asked, how did this come about? And it's pretty tough to say he fell out

00:11:34of bed. So, she would have to say, he ran into a door or, you know, she'd have to say,

00:11:41but then why

00:11:41is it the back of his head? You know, that kind of stuff, right? Like, and then my mother, you

00:11:47know,

00:11:47my mother's craziness was not hard to see, I mean, at all. And so, she may have been charged with

00:11:55assault against a minor or something like that. And, you know, it's pretty bad if you give someone

00:12:01a concussion, particularly if they're a little kid and their brain is still growing and just,

00:12:07I don't know, is the skull? I know the skull is soft when you're born. I think by three,

00:12:10it's pretty okay. Although, I've seen those kids with their little helmets because their brains are

00:12:13soft. So, for sure, it was attempted murder or attempted grievous bodily harm. I mean, again,

00:12:23I'm not a lawyer. What do I know, right? But if you beat someone's head against concrete,

00:12:28let's say, until, you know, they half lose consciousness and go limp, is that not attempted

00:12:34murder or whatever grievous bodily harm, whatever that would be, right? It certainly is a risk of

00:12:41murder. It is a risk of death to beat a child's head against a metal door. So, if the mother

00:12:48is

00:12:49willing, or father, of course, is willing to commit that level of violence, then the child will comply.

00:12:57And I do know that when my brother and I got older, that my mother was shrill and shrieky and

00:13:07screamed and yelled, and she would throw things but not at us anymore, right? She's very cunning.

00:13:12She wasn't crazy that way, right? But of course, of course, right? She did not try to physically

00:13:17attack us because she was 100 pounds dripping wet and we were getting bigger, right? So,

00:13:26that doesn't work anymore, obviously, right? So, Lindsay Clancy, I would imagine, was not

00:13:36willing to use potentially lethal force, at least before the end, and then it wasn't potentially,

00:13:43it was directionally, like, actually lethal force, of course. So, Lindsay Clancy was,

00:13:48it seems to me, would be unlikely to use lethal force. And strange though it is to say, and it

00:13:55may

00:13:55be ardent upsetting, and I'm sorry if that is, but remember, it's been, you know, 56, almost 57 years

00:14:03since this happened, so I can be excused for a little bit of dispassionate distance, I hope.

00:14:10But my mother almost killing me was like an inoculation against her actually killing me,

00:14:19which is a good thing. I mean, if you like me, it's a good thing. I guess if you don't

00:14:23like me,

00:14:23maybe it's not so good. But my mother almost killing me or attempting to kill me, and I'm not

00:14:30saying that she was literally trying to kill me, but that would have been the result of that level

00:14:33of blind rage. So, my mother attacking me in a way that I would characterize, and I think legally

00:14:41would be characterized as attempted murder, my mother attacking me in that way, very fortunately,

00:14:50allowed me to comply with my mother to the point where she did not attack me in as dangerous a

00:14:58way

00:14:59ever again. And I'm sure she would have liked to when I got bigger and older, but she was unable

00:15:06to because I was bigger and older, and she couldn't attack me in the same way. I could just pick

00:15:11her

00:15:11up and throw her across the room. I was, I mean, I started working out pretty early on in life

00:15:15and was

00:15:16very fit and athletic and active and all of that. I mean, for obvious reasons, I started working out,

00:15:21of course, early on in life, because I, I needed the muscles, I needed the strength. And so for me,

00:15:31sorry, I don't mean to make this about me, but for me, my mother attacking me in this kind of

00:15:38way

00:15:39was really good for me. Again, it was very much along the lines of an inoculation, because my mother,

00:15:50mother, by half killing me, or putting me at risk of grievous bodily injury, brain damage, or death,

00:15:58my mother caused a compliance in me that prevented her from having to attack me in that violent a

00:16:06fashion, in that potentially deadly a fashion, until I was old enough that she couldn't. So it was a big

00:16:18safety valve that probably saved my life, like that attack. If I hadn't gone limp, I mean, I'm

00:16:24absolutely certain of this. I'm absolutely certain of this, because I remember it so vividly. And I

00:16:29know a little bit about these kinds of things. I'm absolutely certain that if I had not gotten limp,

00:16:34I would not have lived. I would not have lived. Now, what I mean by that is, I may not

00:16:40have died,

00:16:41but I would have been brain damaged. And so me going limp allowed her to dominate me until I got

00:16:51to be 12 or so and hit puberty and got big enough that she was no longer that kind of

00:17:00physical threat

00:17:00against me. So she got compliance out of me when I was a kid. Because if you're living with someone

00:17:10who will fucking end you, well, and they're much bigger than you, and they have all the authority

00:17:17and power and independence and adulthood and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. If you're living like it's

00:17:22like you're in prison, and you're with a murderer who will kill you in your sleep. I mean, you can

00:17:30attend to do what he says, with the difference being, of course, you have many more options

00:17:34as a prisoner than you do as a child. And of course, hopefully it's the case that you would

00:17:42have done bad things to get into jail, where, of course, that's not the case with a child. You're

00:17:47just born, right? So in understanding what might lead someone like Lindsay Clancy to do what she did,

00:17:56women who absolutely have to brutally dominate their sons, in this case sons, will attack them

00:18:06and be on the road to killing them. And again, by killing, it could be the direct end of life,

00:18:13it could be brain damage, which is bad, and you're just not yourself again, or you're not the same

00:18:18again, you've lost, you know, cognitive faculties, or, or had brain damage to the point where you lose

00:18:23executive function and become impulsive, and like all this kind of stuff, like, you know, the stories

00:18:26of the people, you know, this kid dove into a pool and hit his head, and he came up, and

00:18:31you know,

00:18:31it was never the same and really impulsive, like, so they end you, right? Whether you physically die,

00:18:37you're just not yourself anymore, when somebody is that violent towards you. So that is a safety

00:18:44valve, right? So an attack, and listen, this is nothing about morality, it's all evil, I get all

00:18:48of that, right? But I'm just talking about the sort of cause and effect and the sequence. And so a

00:18:53woman

00:18:53like my mother, who absolutely has to dominate and cannot admit fault, then she will dominate you

00:19:01with a violent, brutal attack when you're young, that is a direct death threat to your identity.

00:19:09And again, I'm not saying I pros, I didn't know much about, if anything, about brain damage, other

00:19:13than nobody wants to hit their head as a kid. But you have this sort of deep instinct that if

00:19:19I don't

00:19:20submit, I'm fucking dead, right? And that is, I mean, it's kind of a powerful incentive, right? I mean,

00:19:29that's what the police do, right? If they want to take you in, they will escalate force until you

00:19:35comply or die. So I went limp, and then I survived for another, I don't know, what, 10, 9, 10

00:19:46years.

00:19:47And then I was somewhat or mostly in the clear. I had a friend who defied his grandmother when he

00:19:55was

00:19:55eight or nine. And his grandmother belted him across the head while he was napping on the couch

00:20:02with a metal tea tray. I think it was flat, not edge. So not horribly dangerous, of course,

00:20:10but obviously pretty bad. And the elderly grandmother said to him, you might be faster

00:20:17than me when you're moving, but you have to sleep sometime, which is, you know, a pretty real threat,

00:20:23right? And that's why one of the first things I did when I worked in a hardware store was buy

00:20:30a

00:20:30lock for my bedroom door, right? Because the lock from the inside, I had to have a lock for my

00:20:37bedroom

00:20:37door, because if I defied my mother too much, she couldn't overpower me when I was awake. But I got

00:20:45to sleep sometime. So one of the first things I did when I worked at a hardware store, making my

00:20:49princely $2.50 an hour in the Dom Mills Mall, was I got a lock for my bedroom door so

00:20:57I could sleep

00:20:58in relative peace. I remember it was a funny little, it didn't even have like the regular serrations of

00:21:06a key. It was like, had ridges all the way around. It was a funny little lock. So with somebody

00:21:12like

00:21:12Lindsay Clancy, she is incredibly frustrated that her selfish, brutal will is being defied by her

00:21:21son. And listen, I think that the stuff that is talked about with regards to her husband, Patrick,

00:21:28you know, that he, some people are claiming he's responsible and blah, blah, blah, for the murders.

00:21:32I don't, I don't, like, that's just not true. That's just not true. That's not true. However,

00:21:37however, he was the father in a family where the mother was brutally and aggressively and

00:21:50continuously striving to dominate and subjugate his son, to which the father should say to the

00:21:58mother, abso-fucking-lutely not. What is it Kevin Samuel used to say? Put your dick up.

00:22:07Like, abso-fucking-lutely not. No, absolutely not. You will not fight with him in this way.

00:22:15You will not dominate him in this way. You will not strive to subjugate him in this way.

00:22:19Find another way. Find another path. Other than fighting with him, yelling at him, screaming at him,

00:22:25perhaps calling him names. And she didn't have, I don't think, I'm just guessing, right? I don't know.

00:22:31But Lindsay Clancy, it doesn't sound like she had the inoculation of being able to dominate him

00:22:36and threaten him with death to the point where she gets subjugation. And so what happened? I mean,

00:22:44what happened in the Clancy household was exactly what I and everyone who's gone through these kinds

00:22:51of murderous assaults are fears, which is that if you keep fighting with mommy, she's going to fucking

00:22:58kill you, right? If you keep fighting with mommy, she's going to fucking kill you. Now, that is not

00:23:07a small consideration in these kinds of households. Now, please understand, I'm not trying to pick on

00:23:13moms here. I include, you know, all murderous parents in this, or grandparents or aunts or uncles.

00:23:20It certainly can be the case with fathers as well. And I remember doing a role play with someone once

00:23:27about the father, and the father was like, well, I'll just kill you then. The narcissistic, brutal,

00:23:36dominant, sociopathic personality structure cannot be crossed, will not admit fault, will never surrender,

00:23:44and must always dominate. It's a win-lose situation. It's a win-lose negotiation. They will

00:23:52not back down. They will not surrender. They will not admit fault. They will do none of those things

00:23:59at all. And, you know, it's like you come at the king, you better win. So without the inoculation

00:24:09of attempted murder, you don't get the compliance from the kid. And therefore, the kid can be royally

00:24:17fucked. Because the attempted murder is saying, look, kid, I'll just kill you. I will fucking end you

00:24:26if you don't obey me. And so the kid obeys, and then threat diminishes until later when the kid is

00:24:34safe, right? Now, obviously, I don't know Patrick Clancy, so this is all just things that I've seen

00:24:40from him in the trial, and also things that I kind of know for a fact, which is that if

00:24:50by the age of

00:24:5218 or 19 months, your wife is involved with an epic battle of endless dominance with your toddler boy,

00:25:00and you are not moving heaven and earth to fix that, to prevent that, to stop that, to diminish

00:25:07that, I would argue you have fundamentally failed in your duty as a father, both to your son,

00:25:17your daughter, and your wife, and that is going to have dire consequences. In other words, why did the

00:25:26little boy not have a bedrock ally in his father? Where was Patrick when these horrendous soul-crushing

00:25:41dominance battles were going on between his wife and his son? You cannot allow, as a father,

00:25:51your wife to dominate your son. You cannot fucking allow that. And I say this, of course, as a man

00:26:03whose father absolutely allowed my mother to dominate their children. Now, my father, of course,

00:26:10was gone. My parents divorced when I was a baby, so I don't remember him ever being around. But, you

00:26:16know,

00:26:16he moved, he went to the other side of the world, he played around with his fucking rocks in Africa,

00:26:23found some gold, traveled around, made jokes, and left his children with an extremely violent woman.

00:26:31I told them all about this later. I told them all about this. Ah, the old mother does appear to

00:26:37have

00:26:37some criminal tendencies. Really? Really? Attempted child murderer? Could it be the case that

00:26:44she has some criminal tendencies? Helpful dad? And then he'd never mentioned it again.

00:26:49Which I can kind of understand. Obviously, my mother was definitely had criminal tendencies.

00:26:56My therapist once said that my mother had an unlived life as a murderer. She wanted to,

00:27:02she just couldn't figure out how. And my father, of course, had his own mental health challenges,

00:27:10and was constantly circling the grain, the drain, sorry, of crippling depression and all that kind

00:27:16of stuff. So, in the Clancy household, the mother is in a grim battle with her son. And, again,

00:27:28I'm just reading tea leaves here, right? I don't have any certain knowledge, but I kind of do.

00:27:33I mean, instinctively, I do. Empirically, I don't have certain knowledge. So, she didn't, in her

00:27:40Facebook post, Lindsay Clancy did not say, hey, I'm in this battle with my son, and his dad keeps

00:27:50telling me to back off, and it's really frustrating, and his dad keeps taking him out of my hands, and

00:27:55his dad keeps taking my son's side, and blah, blah, blah, right? None of that. She talks about this like

00:28:01Patrick's not even in the house. Now, this doesn't mean, this doesn't mean that Patrick didn't stand

00:28:08up for his son. I don't know. I just, it seems unlikely. You know, if you have a mother who's

00:28:17battling with your son, and you're a father, right? If you have a mother who's battling with your son,

00:28:22you have to stop her. You have to stop her. And Patrick, again, it's hard to see

00:28:33what someone is like, for real, when they're on the stand in a murder trial, or a triple murder

00:28:41trial, right? So, I'm not going to say that I have any particular insights into Patrick Clancy,

00:28:50because I have seen some of the evidence that he has been questioned on and provided in a murder

00:28:56trial. It's not exactly the most natural of settings, so I get all of that. However, that

00:29:01having been said, it is the case that he strikes me as an extraordinarily mild-mannered and conciliatory

00:29:10fellow. He doesn't seem to be passionate. He doesn't seem to be substantial. He seems to me to be a

00:29:20very

00:29:20mild-mannered, over-reasonable kind of person. And just as female aggression chooses a weak father,

00:29:30a weak father exacerbates female aggression. It doesn't strike me, which is not a proof,

00:29:39obviously, it's just my opinion. Patrick does not strike me as someone who would do anything and

00:29:47everything to protect his children. And I'm not talking about the murder, I'm talking about,

00:29:51obviously, but I'm talking about before. That if your mother is, if your wife is constantly

00:29:58yelling at and battling and screaming with and exasperated with your son,

00:30:02then you need to tell her to back the fuck off and cool the fuck down. He's 19 months old.

00:30:10He's 19 months old. You do not get into battles of wills with toddlers. Because unless you're willing

00:30:22to use violence, and I damn well hope you're not, you will lose. Toddlers lack any kind of real

00:30:29developed executive function, they cannot restrain their passions, and they are all in on what they

00:30:35want. You find a way to negotiate. You find a way to, I mean, my daughter, very strong-willed,

00:30:42very much wanted what she wanted, very much, very passionate about things. And that's the nature of

00:30:48being a toddler. You're very passionate. And of course, we never called her names, we never raised

00:30:55our voices, and we found ways to work with that passion and to reduce her frustration through win-win

00:31:04situations, trying to find something that wins for both of us. You know, hey, I want you to be happy.

00:31:10I want to be happy too. What can we do? You don't want me to be happy and you to

00:31:14be unhappy.

00:31:15You don't want you to be happy and me to be unhappy. Let's try and find some way. Let's just

00:31:20bring out the whiteboard. Let's just draw some pictures about things we could do.

00:31:24I don't know what the answer is, to make things better.

00:31:28Right? Um, I know you don't want to go to the doctors. I know you don't want to go to

00:31:33the

00:31:33dentist. I don't want to, I don't like going to the doctors or the dentists either. I really

00:31:37sympathize. But we also got to keep you healthy. And I'm really sorry about that. I, I don't want

00:31:46you to be unhappy. I also don't want you to be sick. So what can we do? I know you

00:31:50don't want to go to

00:31:51the doctor. I don't want to go to the doctor. I know you don't want to go. I don't want

00:31:54to go to

00:31:54dentist. What can we do? What can we do? Help me figure it out, right? And we'd come up with

00:31:59something like we'd go to the doctor and then we'd do something fun or whatever it is we would

00:32:02figure out, right? Figure out something. Or, you know, hey, remember the dentist? There's that

00:32:09little treasure chest with toys. You know, we'll see if we can get you two instead of one to take,

00:32:14right? We'll just talk about it with the doctor. And I then charmed the doctor, the dentist into

00:32:18giving a little extra, you know, just find something, find some way, right? But you know,

00:32:21get in the car, kid. Stop fighting. Stop resisting. We got to go to the doctor. I told you. Like,

00:32:26that's just terrible. So it sounds like, and again, this is just a theory, obviously, right? Just a

00:32:33theory. It sounds like in the Clancy household, the mother, Lindsay, desperately wanted to dominate

00:32:42her son. The son was fighting against her because she was not willing to use extreme violence

00:32:51violence until the end, of course. And the father was not decisively intervening

00:32:58to mediate this conflict. I mean, he probably was in his mild-mannered way saying, you know,

00:33:03hey, you know, let's cool it down a bit. You know, don't take it so personally. You know,

00:33:08he's just a kid. You know, there's stuff that does not work. You can't mild-mannered

00:33:14a bully into turning into a non-bully. So they were kind of stuck between a rock and a hard

00:33:22place

00:33:22in a way. And like, please understand, I'm not recommending any violence against children. I'm not

00:33:28justifying any violence against children. I'm simply called talking about cause and effect as

00:33:32it stood, as it may have stood in the household. I don't know for sure. But in this kind of

00:33:38situation,

00:33:38you have a mother who will not use violence or is not allowed to use violence or fears the

00:33:45consequences of using violence. You have a son who won't comply, who won't subjugate, who won't

00:33:53kill his will for the sake of his aggressive, dangerous and bullying mother. You have a father

00:33:59who is not strenuously and decisively intervening to protect his son from the dominant devouring

00:34:09soul-crushing mother. And so what happens? She has to dominate him. She can't threaten him with

00:34:17extreme violence until he complies. And then he's safe until the teenage years, in which case he's

00:34:23safe because he's bigger. So what happens? She has to dominate him. And the more she dominates,

00:34:31this is a funny thing about bullying people, especially when those people are going to get

00:34:35way bigger and stronger than you are, right? So, you know, if you have a kid when you're 20 and

00:34:41then

00:34:43you're pushing 50 when they're in their late teens and a woman, like you menopause, you're older,

00:34:49bones are brittle, like whatever is going on, right? Then you're really back on the wrong horse. Like you

00:34:57are really doing the wrong thing for sure. Because what's going to happen is your kid is going to get

00:35:04bigger and stronger. Your son is going to get bigger and stronger. And you are going to get older and

00:35:09more

00:35:10frail and weaker. And you have a lot of power. In fact, you basically are omnipotent compared to your child

00:35:19when your little boy is a toddler. You can do whatever the fuck you want to him as a little

00:35:26kid, right?

00:35:27So, but when he becomes, let's just say mid-teens, right? Let's just say mid-teens. So you have the

00:35:36kid

00:35:37when you're 30. And then what happens is, by the time you're 45 and older and weaker and so on,

00:35:49your kid is 15. By the time you're pushing 50, your kid is 18. And you're old and you're tired

00:35:55and

00:35:55you're weak and you're frail and you're a woman. And he now has more strength relative to you than even

00:36:03you had when you were 32 and he was two. And he can leave. So, for whatever narcissistic, bullying,

00:36:17dominant, selfish reasons, you had to dominate him. He had to do what you want when he was two

00:36:25and you were in your 30s. You just had to obey. Well, he's now big, independent. And the family

00:36:33separation, they're going no contact. Well, the defu, which is to separate from relentlessly

00:36:39abusive parents when you're an adult. I mean, that's out there in the world. That's out there

00:36:43in the world. And it's going to be more and more so over the next 20 years. So, when your

00:36:49kid

00:36:49becomes independent and you are a bullying mother or a bullying parent, you toast, lady.

00:36:59You're toast. The only thing that kept people in the orbit of abusive parents was the misinterpretation

00:37:06of the ethic of honor their mother and their father, right? Honor their mother and their father

00:37:13when joined together with thou shalt not bear false witness. It's so pretty simple. Thou shalt not bear

00:37:21false witness. Honor their mother and their father means tell your parents the truth. Don't lie to your

00:37:26parents. So, if they were mean and bullies and they made you miserable, don't bear false witness.

00:37:31Tell the truth, right? We honor people by telling them the truth. We dishonor them by lying to them.

00:37:38So, I take a lot of what I say from the Bible. It was a big, obviously a very influential

00:37:43document

00:37:44to me when I was growing up. So, yeah. Yes, yes, yes. And so, for the bullying mother with the

00:37:53son,

00:37:53in this case, when the son becomes more independent, he's just going to hate her. He's just going to

00:38:03hate her. And she could be in physical danger. She could be in danger of being abandoned. Now, of course,

00:38:13why, oh why, would the selfish mom, who's only about her own needs and preferences,

00:38:19why would she care about being abandoned? Well, I mean, fundamentally, she doesn't really care about

00:38:27other people except as they serve her narcissistic needs. So, you cannot care about things and then

00:38:34be upset when they don't work, right? If you turn on your TV and it's broken or you boot up

00:38:38your

00:38:38computer and you get the blue screen of death or whatever, it's, you know, it's annoying, right?

00:38:42It's negative. It's bad, right? You're late for work and your car won't start and, you know,

00:38:47it's an important meeting and, you know, it's really frustrating, right? So, you can view things

00:38:52as objects to serve your needs and then still be frustrated when they don't do what you want,

00:38:56right? You may not be like Basil Fawlty and whip your little car with a tree, but you are frustrated

00:39:04and annoyed and angry and experience things, experience negative emotional stimuli when things that are

00:39:11just objects to you that don't work when they don't work, right? So, she'd be upset if he doesn't

00:39:17want to see her because that would be something not working that she wants to work. She wants him to

00:39:22come see her. He doesn't want to come see her. She's angry. But even more importantly is that it sounds

00:39:28like the Clancy's were a pretty aiming at status kind of couple and really good income. You've got a

00:39:38nanny, an expensive house and, you know, she was running half marathons and so, you know, fitness buffs

00:39:49and, you know, it sounds like and, you know, I mean, I don't know what she was like in her

00:39:53prime. She's not

00:39:53particularly my type. I think Patrick Clancy was a very good looking guy as is evidenced by the fact that

00:40:00he

00:40:01ended up shacking up with a fertility doctor in New York a year plus after his wife murdered the

00:40:09three children, which I find incomprehensible, but whatever, right? I mean, that's, I think they're

00:40:14both religious, right? So, that's the answer. Well, you know, unfortunately, the devil got her and it's

00:40:18like, well, the husband is supposed to stand between these devils and his wife, right? So,

00:40:26I think that they were a status couple. And, you know, we're all interested in status to some

00:40:32degree. I'm not, oh, you got to be above status. Like, status matters. I think it's an Aristotelian

00:40:38mean. You should care a little bit about status, but not too much about status, right? I mean,

00:40:43you should care enough about status to not show up to the airport in pajamas, but you shouldn't overly

00:40:51care about status to the point where you live beyond your means to impress people, to impress

00:40:56others. So, if there was a singular focus or a significant or perhaps an extreme focus on status

00:41:06in the Clancy household, in particular, perhaps from Lindsay Clancy, then the problem with screaming

00:41:16out and trying to crush the souls of and dominate your little boy is that when he gets older, he's

00:41:24not going to want to have anything to do with you. And, of course, he may also be angry and

00:41:30do you

00:41:30physical damage as he gets older. Like, you have to, it's tough. If you're an abuser, you have to know

00:41:36the tipping point, right? You have to know the tipping point to the point where you will use

00:41:44violence enough to dominate, but not enough that your kid beats you up when they get bigger.

00:41:51It's a tough, it's a tough balance. It's a tough balancing act from a just brutally practical

00:41:57kind of standpoint, right? Because if you use too little violence, your kid will just be defiant

00:42:04and disrespect you and that costs you status. God forbid he does it in public or rolls his eyes or,

00:42:08you know, calls you a bitch at some dinner party or whatever it is, right? So you have to use

00:42:15enough

00:42:15violence to keep him in line. But the problem is, if you use too much violence, then he just might

00:42:22beat the shit out of you as a teenager. Like when he becomes a teenager because he's bigger, right?

00:42:27And if the father is weak, well, the father's weak probably because he doesn't want to fight his

00:42:33wife because he's a, quote, reasonable guy and a soft spine guy. And that's bad, right? So it's a tough

00:42:43call. So when you, if you're a dominant kind of mother this way, and you try to geld your sons,

00:42:53so to speak, you try to spay your sons and turn them into little Lord Fontenry compliance,

00:43:00empty robots, then the problem is, is that when your kids, your sons become independent,

00:43:07and by that I simply mean big enough to fight back, they might just punch the shit out of you.

00:43:14It's a tough call. And even if they don't punch the shit out of you, they might just leave you.

00:43:21And then, if they leave you, your status collapses. So I think, again, all of this is just

00:43:31conjecture. But I think that whatever happened in the Clancy household that had the mother post

00:43:38in desperation that she just could not force her child to obey her will, and he fought her all the

00:43:44time, and he resisted her all the time, and everything was a battle, right? So whatever she

00:43:50did in the household to escalate that created a situation of significant later potential blowback,

00:44:00either violence, disrespect, or abandonment from the son, in which case, see, one of the most dangerous

00:44:10times to leave an abusive relationship, sorry, one of the most dangerous times in an abusive relationship

00:44:14is when you try to leave, right? That's really bad. That's really bad. That's really dangerous.

00:44:22So if a child leaves an abusive parent, like an adult child, like say he's 18, 19, 20, 21, whatever,

00:44:29so he decides to leave the abusive parent, then he's out of her control, and he may be, because people

00:44:34are going to say, well, why don't you see your mother? Why don't you see your father? Oh my gosh,

00:44:38my mother was this, she was that, she was brutal, she was aggressive, she screamed, she called me

00:44:43names, you know, she threatened me all the time, it's just an endless, horrible, difficult battle,

00:44:49she could never admit that she was wrong, but so the problem with going no contact with your parents

00:44:55is your parents freak the fuck out, because people are going to ask questions. They're going to ask

00:45:02questions of the child, the adult child, and they're going to ask questions of the parents. Oh, I haven't

00:45:07seen your son around recently. Yes, well, you know, we're going through a bit of a challenge,

00:45:11you know, he seems to have fallen into a bit of a crowd, we're working with him, blah, blah,

00:45:15but you just have to lie, right? And people don't like that. And narcissists in particular don't

00:45:22like that, because they don't like to be bullied, and yet they fear the consequences of being honest

00:45:26and saying, oh, yeah, like, he kind of hates me at the moment, because I was really mean to him

00:45:30as a mom, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, right? So they can't say that, right? That would

00:45:35be to take responsibility and have self-knowledge and morals, and like, that's not, don't hold

00:45:42your breath for that shit, I tell you that right now. So when you defoo as an adult, you go

00:45:48no

00:45:48contact, and even if it's not a permanent thing, even it's just, you know, I just can't be with

00:45:53the, I can't be with my parents right now, I'm going to just take a break and figure things

00:45:56out, and blah, blah, blah. So, you know, the questions come, right? God forbid, there's

00:46:01a Thanksgiving dinner, right? Thanksgiving party, a big family gathering, everyone goes

00:46:05to the cottage. It's Christmas, it's grandma's birthday, it's the son's birthday, or whatever,

00:46:10right? And the son is not there. The son is not there. Then everyone's going to ask questions.

00:46:18And the selfish, dick-bob parents, in this case, I think the mother a little bit more,

00:46:26it is horrible. It is the worst thing in the world, because they put forward a big, shiny,

00:46:33happy people, REM-style face or front. Everything's great, it's all wonderful, I just finished my

00:46:395k marathon, and, you know, the kids are doing great, and everything's perfect, and I love

00:46:44my husband, and look, I've lost all my baby weight, and it's just status, status, it's status

00:46:48spraying, like a skunk, you know, just status spraying all the time. And this absolute, desperate,

00:46:55pathetic need to look good in the eyes of everyone else, to look perfect in the eyes of everyone

00:47:00else is one of the, but that tension, that emptiness, that shrillness, that stress means

00:47:07that the kids just have to fucking obey the parents, because everyone's got to look at the

00:47:14big, grinning, smiling Christmas family photo, and they've got to say, ah, look at that wonderful,

00:47:19lucky, great, happy, athletic, attractive family, oh, so great, they feed on envy, like vampires,

00:47:27they feed on envy. And so, when the children, and in this case, the son, grows up, and decides to

00:47:37go

00:47:37no contact, to defoo, to take a break from the family, to whatever, right, then the family dysfunction

00:47:43can't be hidden. The family dysfunction, things that were screwed up in the family can't be

00:47:48hidden. Where's your son? It's Christmas. Where's your son? It's Thanksgiving. Where's your son?

00:47:55It's grandma's birthday. Where's your son? It's his birthday, or his sister's birthday. Where's your

00:48:00son? What are they going to say? It's fucking torture. And, you know, I mean, it sounds a bit

00:48:08weird. I kind of half sympathize with it. Like, I empathize with it. I understand it. It's a horrible

00:48:15thing to say, my child doesn't want to talk to me, because then the question is why? And it's a

00:48:23horrible thing for the parents. It's a horrible thing for the bad parents. Brutal. What are they

00:48:30going to say? Uh, oh, he started listening to this online culture. What are they going to make up some

00:48:37shit?

00:48:38They just have to make up some garbage and hope that people will more or less accept it.

00:48:44It's really sad. So, the independence of the children is the worst thing in the world

00:48:52for the abusive parent, because they're going to be exposed. My son doesn't want to have anything to

00:49:00do with me. And all of the vapid, vainglorious pride that this kind of person took in putting

00:49:09forward the shiny, happy, perfect family all vanishes and collapses. And they got some explaining

00:49:16to do. They got some explaining to do. And they can't explain it. Oh, he fell into this bad crowd.

00:49:23He, whatever, right? Like, he just isn't listening to us. It's like, okay, but why did he fall into a

00:49:27bad

00:49:27crowd if you're such great parents? Right? They have to find someone external to blame. You know,

00:49:35me or whatever, someone else, right? They have to find someone external to blame so that it's not

00:49:40their fault, so that they can get sympathy. Yes, he fell into this terrible cult, and it's really sad,

00:49:47and we're working with him, and it's just, oh, I'm so sorry. Oh, that's so bad. Oh, you know,

00:49:52my sympathies, and like, they just, you know. But, you know, that can work for a little while.

00:49:58That can work for a little while. I don't know that it can work for too, too long. At some

00:50:03point,

00:50:04it's like, well, where is he? You know? Okay, I see him posting on Facebook. He's not, he's not in

00:50:09some, he's not in some locked camp compound where they keep all of the youthful virgins. He's not,

00:50:15he's not, he's not, he's not in a cult. He's just out and about. He's with friends. He's got a

00:50:20new

00:50:20girlfriend. He's got a job. Like, I don't understand the cult thing. Like, it's tough,

00:50:25right? And then after a while, after time goes on, people, but like, yeah, something,

00:50:32something, there's something they're not telling us. There's something this family is like,

00:50:35what on earth is going on? There's something, and then the gossip goes around, and did you know,

00:50:39and blah, blah, blah. And then, you know, God forbid people contact the son and say, hey,

00:50:43you know, what's going on? We haven't heard from you in forever. Like, we missed you, and blah,

00:50:47blah, blah. What's going on with your mother? And what are they going to say?

00:50:50They're going to say maybe like, well, you're going to have to ask mom, but I have some pretty

00:50:53good reasons, and blah, blah, blah, right? And if they press or push, or he's going to say, well,

00:50:58you know, I, she was really, really abusive to me when I was a little kid, and all the way

00:51:04up to my

00:51:04teenage years, screaming at me, yelling at me, calling me names, putting me down, demanding I

00:51:08obey her in all things. And then, you know, I think it was, I guess, oh, gosh, it's been,

00:51:15it's been 18 months already. Yeah, it was about 18 months, a little over 18 months ago,

00:51:19I tried to have a couple of conversations with her about it, and she just escalated and yelled

00:51:23at me more and gaslit. And I'm just like, no, I just can't. I just, I can't. I did this.

00:51:28It's

00:51:28just terrible. It's just terrible. And I'm frankly, I was dating this really great woman,

00:51:33and I'm like, oh, God, if I've got to introduce her to my mom, I'm going to lose her because

00:51:38she's

00:51:38going to be like, oh, my God, I don't want to be around this woman for the next 50 years

00:51:41or whatever,

00:51:42in the next 40 years. So I'm like, I had a terrible relationship with her. She was really

00:51:48abusive. I couldn't do anything about it. I was a kid. As an adult, I've really tried to talk to

00:51:53her about it. I've suggested we go to therapy or she go to therapy. She won't do it. She just

00:51:58escalates and gets mad. And I'm just like, I'm just done. I can't fix it. I can't. And I have

00:52:02no,

00:52:02I'm out of, I'm out of any gas or juice or desire to fix it because I can't fix it.

00:52:08And I can't live

00:52:09with it the way that it is. She's not willing to change. I can't fix it. And I've gone to

00:52:12therapy

00:52:13and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So at some point, it's going to come out. And then the whisper

00:52:16network, oh, my God, could you believe that I talked to the son? Like, all of this is just an

00:52:23absolute beyond comprehension nightmare for this type of narcissistic person. Again, in this case,

00:52:32theoretically, it's a mother. It could be, of course, a father or both, of course, right? And so that's

00:52:37just an absolute nightmare. And all of the brutal power that was exercised against the children

00:52:42when the children were little is now all over. And all of the unjust power that was brutally

00:52:51exercised against the children is now coming back in spades. All the humiliation that was poured on

00:52:56the child is now coming back to the parent. And they lose an absolutely catastrophic level

00:53:06of status in their community. I mean, how could they have been such parents that their own son

00:53:14has gone to therapy, has offered to go to therapy with them, they won't accept it,

00:53:18and he won't have anything to do with them? Oh, my God. Like, and these people,

00:53:22they cannot live without status. They cannot live without status. They cannot live without envy.

00:53:28They've got nothing if people aren't envying them. So when they run out of narco fuel, right,

00:53:36narcissistic fuel, which is status and other people envying them and things looking perfect

00:53:41and everyone obeying them, everyone obeying them. The narcissist views everyone who disagrees with her

00:53:47as an abuser, who is to be punished. So I know that this is a long way of putting it.

00:53:54And I'll,

00:53:54I'll tie the bow in a minute or two, just so you understand why I'm talking about all of this.

00:53:59And again, it's just conjecture. I don't know. It's all just my opinion, because I don't know this

00:54:05family very well, other than the fairly, well, extremely brutal facts of how it fell apart.

00:54:12So the independence of the son draws murderous rage to an abusive mother who's not allowed to

00:54:21vent steam by only attempting to kill her children and to force their compliance. So is she one of

00:54:27these grit teeth, take a deep breath, go to your happy place, live, laugh, pray, and so on. And like

00:54:35the sort of grit teeth, it's fine, like doesn't deal with the problems. They just kind of build up

00:54:41the pressure builds up like a volcano or like old faithful with a cork in its opening. So the woman

00:54:49cannot force compliance from her son through attempted murder or the physical threat of

00:54:58attempted murder experienced by the child's body as my child's body experienced. And so the thing that

00:55:05she's most frightened of is the independence of her son. The independence of the son who goes to daycare

00:55:14and might talk about what happens at home. The independence of the son who's going to have

00:55:18friends and might talk about what happened at home. The independence of the son who's going to get bigger

00:55:22and stronger and tell her to fuck off and maybe pop her in the nose if she gets too aggressive.

00:55:29And the son who, when he gets older and gets to be an adult, will crush and destroy her vanity

00:55:36by refusing to participate in the narcissistic show charade called a happy family. He might just

00:55:43get the fuck out. He might bug out. He might get the hell out of Dodge and never come back.

00:55:48In which

00:55:48case the entire personality structure collapses. I mean, the last time I talked to my mother,

00:55:54her entire personality structure collapsed. Because I said to her, and I was with others,

00:56:02other family members, and I said to her, look, you know, you do talk a lot about these court cases

00:56:07that have been going on for like 15 years. And I don't really know the status of them. And I

00:56:11sort of

00:56:11try to follow. But, you know, if we could talk about them a little less, I'm not saying we can't

00:56:16talk about them at all. But if we could just talk about them a little less, I would really appreciate

00:56:20it because I do a little bit space out with all of these details. And again, it has been 15

00:56:25years,

00:56:26no resolution, and so on. In other words, I was mildly, and I know this sounds like everyone's

00:56:32like, well, I was just being so rational. Like, honestly, I mean, the people who were there could

00:56:37corroborate all of this. I was really being quite reasonable and saying I also wanted to be a little

00:56:42bit included in the conversational topics and not just, she couldn't just only talk about her own

00:56:48stuff, but I would like to talk about other stuff, you know, sometimes. And that is in a non-combative,

00:56:56non-aggressive, non-conflict way, asking for some consideration, some thoughtfulness, some

00:57:04reciprocity, and some empathy. And my mother's entire personality, okay, saw it right there. It's

00:57:09like watching those buildings get detonated at the bottom. My mother's entire personality structure

00:57:14collapsed. She started screaming at the top of her lungs. She was throwing pillows around. She was

00:57:19sobbing on the couch. And that's because she was confronting all the evils that she did. Because the

00:57:26only way that you can be brutal to people is if you dehumanize them. And if they gently humanize

00:57:31themselves to you, then your conscience takes you down, right? This is the James Taggart thing at the

00:57:37end of Atlas Shrugged. So, the independence of the son, you ready? I'm bringing it home, baby. Thank you

00:57:45for your patience. It's important to do a couple of these paint-by-numbers details. The independence

00:57:51and autonomy of the son is the greatest danger to the abusive mother and the weak father. Now,

00:58:01what happened the morning of Lindsay Clancy's son's young life the day before, the day of his death?

00:58:12What happened? What happened to Lindsay Clancy's son the morning of the day he was murdered? He

00:58:20expressed a foundational milestone of independence, right, from what I've read. And there's a picture.

00:58:29And the picture of him standing hands over his head, joyful in his independence, joyful in his

00:58:38autonomy, because he had dressed himself for the first time. He had expressed and manifested empirically

00:58:48and provably, he had expressed and manifested all of his upcoming independence. That's right.

00:58:59And I would argue, I don't know. I mean, maybe she planned these things beforehand. I don't know

00:59:03what the status is. But you can plan things without, I hate to use the word, executing on them.

00:59:10So, why that day? She was eight months postpartum, so it's not really postpartum depression,

00:59:15and she was never diagnosed with that anyway, to my knowledge. Neither was she diagnosed with

00:59:19postpartum psychosis, as far as I know. Not that they're really diagnosis, they're just

00:59:23descriptions of behavior. But the day that her boy was murdered, and the child I believe that she

00:59:31murdered first, had that very morning, achieved a significant milestone of independence, of not

00:59:39needing his mother. And when the narcissist is no longer needed, and the narcissist can no longer

00:59:47control. And the narcissist, and I'm just using this word colloquially, I'm not diagnosing Lindsay

00:59:53Clancy as a narcissist. I obviously don't know, I'm not a psychologist, but I'm just using the term

00:59:58in an amateur fashion. When the narcissist, I think of a narcissistic husband who bullies his wife or his

01:00:06girlfriend all the time. He is at his most violent, and she is in her greatest danger when she tries

01:00:14to

01:00:14leave, when she tries to become independent of him. The most dangerous time in an abusive relationship

01:00:20is the time when you're leaving, you're getting out, you're escaping, because the narcissist is losing

01:00:26control, and the narcissist explodes in violence, because the narcissist is nothing without control.

01:00:32They go through massive, anxious panic attacks that feel like they're being assaulted, and they

01:00:41explode in terrifying, terrifying levels of violence. When I was trying to escape from my household,

01:00:47when I was three or so, I think closer to four, but yeah, so when I was trying to escape

01:00:52from my

01:00:52household, I was trying to escape my mother's control, and so she tried to kill me, or threatened

01:01:00to kill me, or acted in a way that would have caused my mental or physical death. Trying to get

01:01:05out

01:01:06is very fucking dangerous. Now, when you say to the narcissist, I don't need you, and therefore you

01:01:14have no control over me, they explode with rage, because they've got to dominate you. And so,

01:01:20the poor little boy, so proud and so happy that he had achieved this significant milestone of

01:01:29independence, and it is a very significant milestone of independence, because, you know, battling over

01:01:35clothes was probably one of the big fights, and he may have, in fact, gotten that independence a

01:01:41little early, because he was tired of fighting with his mother. That little boy, proud, joyful,

01:01:45happy, thrilled, and excited that he had achieved some independence from his brutal, controlling,

01:01:52domineering, bullying mother. And she saw, I think, perhaps, through the tunnel of time,

01:01:58to the end result of that, and she just struck.

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