- 5 days ago
Old Hollywood had elegance, drama, and some absolutely ruthless comebacks. Join us as we count down the most savage burns from classic Hollywood movies, where wit cuts deeper than a dagger and the glamour only makes the shade hit harder. Our picks include legendary lines from films like Gone with the Wind, Casablanca, All About Eve and more. Which insult made you gasp the loudest?
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00:00Your cash is good at the bar.
00:02What? Do you know who I am?
00:04I do. You're lucky the bar's open to you.
00:06Welcome to Ms. Mojo, and today we're counting down our picks for the most searing insults
00:11from the golden age of Hollywood. For this list, we're counting only movies made before the year
00:161970. I've known sheep that could outwit you. I've worn dresses with higher IQs, but you think
00:22you're an intellectual, don't you, A-
00:26Number 20. As a group, they're rather stupid. Mary Poppins. The magical nanny had a few zingers
00:32of her own, but it's Mrs. Banks who gets our vote for best insult.
00:35Give me the police station. Quickly, please.
00:37I don't think we need bother the police, dear. The facts of the matter-
00:41Kindly do not attempt to cloud the issue with facts.
00:43Our introduction to the suffragette is a musical number which sees her breezing into her house
00:47for a few moments to extol the importance of women's rights. The catchy sister suffragette
00:52is a history lesson with a side of tongue-in-cheek humor.
00:55Though we adore men individually, we agree that as a group they're rather stupid.
01:04It's safe to say this song might have been the first real brush with feminism for a lot
01:08of us. If anything, it's just a devastatingly funny burn in the middle of a cheerful anthem.
01:13Our daughter's daughters will adore us, and they'll sing in grateful chorus.
01:21Well done, sister suffragette.
01:24Number 19. Listen, you insignificant square-toed pimple-headed spy, His Girl Friday.
01:30Cary Grant and Rosalind Russell star in this fast-talking newspaper comedy that has more
01:34jokes in one minute than any Netflix stand-up special.
01:36Now look here, Johnson. I'm going to get to the bottom of this. Are you going to talk or aren't
01:40you?
01:40What do you want me to say?
01:41What do you know about Williams?
01:42What do you know about Williams?
01:43Now we're getting...
01:45There are too many insults to list here, but our favorite has to be when Grant's newspaper
01:50editor verbally berates the inept city sheriff. Trying to call attention away from the fugitive
01:55they're harboring in the newspaper offices, he calls this man virtually everything outside
01:59of a four-letter word.
02:00Johnson, you're under arrest.
02:01What?
02:02And you too, Burns.
02:03Who's under arrest? Listen, you insignificant square-toed pimple-headed spy.
02:07Do you realize what you're doing?
02:08This is a relentless and effortless stream of insults. It's a wonder that the actor doesn't
02:13have to take a breath in the middle.
02:15Excuse me, madam. Are you referring to me?
02:17Well, you know you did.
02:19Number 18. You'll Take It and Like It. The Maltese Falcon.
02:22I am prepared to pay on behalf of the figure's rightful owner the sum of $5,000 for its recovery.
02:29I am prepared to promise that... What is the phrase? No questions will be asked.
02:35Long before James Bond was shooting off one-liners like it was part of his job, Sam Spade was
02:40establishing the hard-boiled detective. Humphrey Bogart helped to bring that archetype to the
02:44screen in this 1941 film noir. His brutal but cool handling of the criminals makes Sam Spade
02:50an unforgettable character. Peter Lorre's weaselly thief pulls a gun on Spade, but only gets a slap
02:56in a warning for his trouble.
02:57This is the second time that you have laid hands on me.
03:00When you're slapped, you'll take it and like it.
03:03It established Spade's tolerance for BS, which, if you're wondering, is not high.
03:08Look what you did to my shirt.
03:10Sorry. But imagine my embarrassment when I found out that $5,000 offer was just hooey.
03:15Number 17. You're a vile, sorry little, hush-hush, sweet Charlotte.
03:19A post-Baby Jane Bette Davis stars in this southern gothic suspense tale as Charlotte,
03:24a reclusive shut-in southern belle facing the loss of her home.
03:27Olivia de Havilland co-stars as Miriam, her big city cousin coming back to town to help.
03:32Papa didn't give you enough. Well, maybe that's what you came back here for,
03:36to get the rest of Papa's money.
03:38Charlotte, I have a career and I've given a valuable time to come here.
03:42Oh, I know. Now let me see, what is it you call your job? Oh, yes, public relations.
03:47Sounds like something pretty dirty to me.
03:50The two get into a heated argument over Charlotte's past, when her lover was murdered.
03:54Clearly, this is a touchy subject.
03:56Why wouldn't I tell him that his pure, darling little girl
04:00was having a dirty little affair with a married man?
04:06You're a vile, sorry little bitch!
04:09Davis shouts this insult across the dinner table with a heaping dose of camp
04:13and an exaggerated southern drawl.
04:14It's a line that feels tailor-made to be shoved into a drag queen lip-sync track.
04:19God, do you have gratitude!
04:22When you first came here after your precious Papa died,
04:26you acted as if we weren't good enough for you.
04:28And your mama, Asara, up north, waitress!
04:31Oh, Charlotte, that's enough.
04:32Better talk to her if insulting me gives her any satisfaction.
04:35Number 16.
04:36How about Eternal Peace?
04:38The Lion in Winter?
04:39Historical drama was never quite so shady.
04:42King Henry II and Eleanor of Aquitaine give dysfunctional marriages
04:45an elegant makeover in this 1968 adaptation of a Broadway play.
04:49Is it rich despising me?
04:51Is it rewarding?
04:52No.
04:52Then stop!
04:54How?
04:55It's what I live for.
04:57Katharine Hepburn and Peter O'Toole's scenes are a constant volley of barbs,
05:01with Katharine's Eleanor particularly relishing every opportunity to get under Henry's skin.
05:06But she is occasionally willing to cooperate in her own way.
05:09Don't fight me, Eleanor.
05:11What would you have me do, give out, give up, give in?
05:14Give me a little peace.
05:16A little?
05:17Why so modest?
05:19How about Eternal Peace?
05:21Now there's a thought.
05:22It's so classy, yet so vicious.
05:24The way The Lion in Winter spins history into a darkly funny comedy about familial dysfunction
05:29feels like a precursor to the juicy repartee of Downton Abbey.
05:33I adored you.
05:35Never.
05:36I still do.
05:39Of all the lies, that one is the most terrible.
05:43I know.
05:45That's why I saved it up for now.
05:47Number 15.
05:48You're Going Bald.
05:50Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?
05:51I want you not to go too far.
05:53I'm just beginning.
05:56Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton bring a meta quality to this adaptation of Edward Albee's
06:00play about two vicious marrieds whose entire relationship is based on sadistic wordplay.
06:05This line is about as savage as any other.
06:08I've got more teeth than you have.
06:11Two more.
06:14Oh, you're going bald.
06:17So are you.
06:18As their reactions tell us, this is pretty typical of them.
06:21In fact, it might actually be one of their more tender moments together.
06:24It's certainly bleak, but also hilarious, providing a baseline for their dynamic going forward.
06:29That it's real-life married couple Burton and Taylor performing this dialogue just gives
06:33it all an extra layer of deliciousness.
06:35I gave you the prize years ago, Martha.
06:37There isn't an abomination award going that you haven't won.
06:40I swear if you existed, I'd divorce you.
06:44Number 14.
06:45Oh, I couldn't take the last piece.
06:47Vivacious Lady.
06:52All right, put him up.
06:53Ginger Rogers is perhaps most remembered for her collaborations with Fred Astaire in a
06:57series of toe-tapping musicals.
06:59But it's easy to forget that she was a total badass on screen.
07:02Amanda, you're wonderful.
07:04So are you, Stephen.
07:05Did you see that, Judge?
07:06See it?
07:07Those are my birds.
07:08Now, now, don't lose your temper.
07:09There are plenty more.
07:10Don't lose my temper!
07:13Francie, her character in Vivacious Lady, faces down a snob who insults her character.
07:18And she does it with a classy comeback and a smug grin.
07:21You see, Peter needs protection against a certain type of woman.
07:25I could work on that.
07:27Now, are you going to mind your own business, or must I really give you a piece of my mind?
07:31Oh, I couldn't take the last piece.
07:33The savage burn and responding slap kick off a much more physical exchange between the
07:38two women.
07:39Matters eventually escalate to a full-on brawl, scandalizing a party full of bluebloods.
07:44Let me hit her!
07:49Take it easy, mother.
07:57Number 13.
07:58As long as they have sidewalks, Footlight Parade.
08:01In this pre-code Warner Bros. musical comedy, wisecracking blonde Joan Blondell plays Nan
08:06Prescott and gets most of the sauciest lines.
08:08Her roommate Vivian is usually the target of her wickedest insults.
08:12Don't tell me you married that chiseler!
08:15I'll thank you not to insult the future Mrs. Kent.
08:18I'm glad you said future.
08:19Vivian's gold digging finally gets on Nan's last nerve, kicking Vivian out of her apartment.
08:24Let's just say Nan makes reference to some of Vivian's demonstrated marketable skills.
08:29It's three o'clock in the morning.
08:30Where do you want me to go?
08:30Don't listen, you chief sonographer.
08:32Outside, countess.
08:32As long as they have sidewalks, you've got a job.
08:36Now, the implications should be evident.
08:39They were certainly loud and clear to a Depression-era audience.
08:43Somehow, it's almost nastier than just flat-out calling it out by name.
08:46I certainly have a genius in picking names to fall for.
08:49You said it, Papa.
08:50Maybe you better help me next time.
08:51What do you think I've been doing?
08:53Number 12.
08:54He's a big something and it ain't a politician.
08:56Babyface.
08:57Say, I like it here.
08:58How about a job?
08:59Oh, now, don't tell me in this great big building.
09:02There ain't some place for me.
09:06Have you had any experience?
09:09Plenty.
09:10Barbara Stanwyck was the queen of fast-talking, working-class women making their way in the world.
09:14In Babyface, she plays a young sex worker named Lily, who has developed a cynicism about the world and the
09:20men who inhabit it.
09:21When an influential politician walks into the speakeasy her father owns, Lily's friend Chico points him out.
09:27He's a big politician, ain't he?
09:30It's a big something and it ain't a politician.
09:33Lily's turn of phrase is somehow wildly cheeky while being chased enough for 1930s censorship.
09:38It definitely leaves a lot to the imagination, but you don't have to think very hard to fill in the
09:43blank.
09:43Oh, excuse me.
09:45My hands shake so when I'm around you.
09:52Number 11.
09:53That's something you need never worry about.
09:55Dinner at 8.
09:56Original blonde bombshell Jean Harlow plays Kitty Packard, a gold digger with a certain reputation.
10:02It's so wonderful to have nothing to do, just to lie all day in the sun.
10:06Yes, but you've got to be awful careful that you don't get blissed.
10:09You know, my skin's terribly delicate, and I don't dare expose it.
10:17Pardon me.
10:18While the characters make certain suggestions about her morals,
10:22the final line by Marie Dressler goes about as far as a movie made in 1933 can.
10:27As society matron Carlotta Vance, she is comedically shocked to hear about Kitty's recent pursuits.
10:33I was reading a book the other day.
10:36Reading a book?
10:38The thesis of the book seems to be that machines will take over every human profession.
10:43Carlotta's quip says it all without saying much.
10:46Oh, my dear.
10:47That's something you need never worry about.
10:50Number 10.
10:51Wipe.
10:52My.
10:52Mouth.
10:53Of Human Bondage.
10:54When Bette Davis stormed across movie screens in 1934's Of Human Bondage,
11:00she was still finding her footing in Hollywood.
11:02Still, it was her performance as the cold and manipulative Mildred that really put her on solid ground.
11:08You disgust me.
11:14Me?
11:16I disgust you!
11:18Mildred spends most of the movie using and abusing a medical student named Philip,
11:22whose infatuation with her leaves him vulnerable to her cruelty.
11:26As she verbally eviscerates him in this now iconic scene,
11:30Davis's Mildred lays into every single insecurity he has.
11:34I never cared for you, not once.
11:36I was always making a fool of you.
11:37You bored me stiff.
11:39I hated you.
11:40It made me sick when I had to let you kiss me.
11:42It's such a vicious tirade that Philip can do nothing but stare dumbly at her.
11:47Audiences of the era were probably just as stunned.
11:51And after you kissed me, I always used to wipe my mouth.
11:54Wipe my mouth!
11:56Number 9.
11:57Alligators have the right idea.
11:59Mildred Pierce.
12:00You think just because you made a little money you can get a new hairdo and some expensive clothes
12:04and turn yourself into a lady.
12:06But you can't.
12:07Because you'll never be anything but a common frump
12:10whose father lived over a grocery store and whose mother took in washing.
12:13This classic noir melodrama starring Joan Crawford about the perils of mothering a spoiled brat
12:18is chock full of sassy one-liners and bitter resentments between mother and daughter.
12:22But it's Eve Arden as the leading lady's no-nonsense spinster friend Ida,
12:27who gets what is arguably the movie's sickest burn.
12:29I want my daughter back.
12:32Personally, Vida's convinced me that alligators have the right idea.
12:35Ida's quip about alligators eating their young
12:38gets at what we've all been thinking throughout the film's entire runtime.
12:41Vida Pierce is a rotten egg if ever there was one.
12:45And Ida is just as sick as we are of watching Mildred try to win this girl's affection
12:50with money and expensive gifts.
12:52Vida, I think I'm really seeing you for the first time in my life.
12:54And you're cheap and horrible.
12:56Number 8.
12:56You clinking, clanking, clattering collection of colligionous junk.
13:00The Wizard of Oz.
13:02The Wizard of Oz is one of those movies that's always a bit more terrifying than you remember.
13:06When Dorothy Gale and her friends finally meet the wizard himself,
13:10he takes the form of a floating green head shrouded in flames.
13:13And honestly, he's kind of rude.
13:15I am Oz, the Great and Powerful.
13:22Who are you?
13:25Who are you?
13:27He takes turns insulting each one of them and does so with a style all his own.
13:32His savage yet poetic takedown of the Tin Man is one for the books.
13:36You dare to come to me for a heart, do you?
13:40You clinking, clanking, clattering collection of colligionous junk.
13:46There's just something so satisfying about an alliterating insult.
13:49We're left impressed more than anything else.
13:52You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
13:55Frightening him like that when he came to you for help.
13:58Silence with a snapper.
14:00Number 7.
14:01But I can't see the stove.
14:03Duck Soup.
14:04Not that I care, but where is your husband?
14:06Why, he's dead.
14:07I'll bet he's just using that as an excuse.
14:09I was with him till the very end.
14:12No wonder he passed away.
14:13I held him in my arms and kissed him.
14:17Oh, I see. Then it was murder.
14:18Grouchel Marx was renowned for his ability to breathlessly fire off one quip after another.
14:24That is never more true than in this 1933 madcap comedy,
14:28where he plays a president who is more concerned with wooing a wealthy widow
14:32than preventing war with a neighboring country.
14:35Will you marry me? Did I leave you any money?
14:36Answer the second question first.
14:38His fast-talking Rufus T. Firefly can't even manage to propose marriage without getting in a few digs.
14:43In describing his dreams of married bliss with the woman,
14:46Firefly describes coming home to her with a particularly searing burn.
14:50I can see you right now in the kitchen, bending over a hot stove, but I can't see the stove.
14:55Get it? Because, like, a stovetop?
14:56It's not his first or last dig about her appearance,
15:00but no one delivers rude punchlines like Groucho.
15:03Number 6. Get Permanently Lost.
15:06Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?
15:08It's not that I don't want to know you, Hillary, although I don't.
15:10It's just that I'm afraid we're not really the sort of people
15:14that you can afford to be associated with.
15:16In this boundary-pushing classic from 1967,
15:20Katharine Hepburn plays Christina,
15:22the mother of a young white woman who falls in love with a black man.
15:25When a racist employee makes a fool of herself in front of the couple,
15:28Christina lets her ramble only a little further
15:31before giving her some pretty detailed instructions on how to proceed with such behavior.
15:35Then take the check for $5,000, which I feel you deserve,
15:39and get permanently lost.
15:43In short, her services will no longer be required.
15:47From the way Hepburn twists the knife slowly and calmly to that glorious punchline,
15:52this quote has earned its place as one of classic Hollywood's quintessential stings.
15:57Don't speak, Hillary. Just go.
16:00Number 5. There's a name for you ladies. The women.
16:04Hey, you! Is Mrs. Fowler in here?
16:07And how?
16:09Open it up, Sadie!
16:10Jam-packed with savage insults, outlandish fashions, and studio-era star power,
16:16the women features a cast of talented and bankable actresses
16:19who toss off quips faster than the human ear can register.
16:23Oh, poor Fowler.
16:24Never mind, dear. Chin up.
16:26That's right. Both of them.
16:28It's Joan Crawford's crass and unrepentant gold digger Crystal Allen
16:31who has some of the movie's most vicious punchlines.
16:34Realizing she's finally been licked at film's end,
16:36she offers the other ladies one last parting shot.
16:40There's a name for you ladies, but it isn't used in high society.
16:43Outside of a kennel.
16:45It's a prime example of how movies made during the height of the Hays Code
16:48had to be a little more clever to land a joke.
16:51Number 4. She looked better than you do now.
16:54The man who came to dinner.
16:56In this wartime comedy based on the Broadway hit,
16:59actor Monty Woolley hurls insults at an unlucky Midwestern family for nearly two hours.
17:04His character, Sheridan Whiteside, may be famous, cultured, and well-spoken,
17:09but graciousness is not one of his attributes.
17:12I'm invited back for dinner, am I not?
17:14Oh, yes, yes, you are. At Christmas, I always feed the needy.
17:17Now stop oozing out. Get out.
17:19His very best burn is directed at his put-upon nurse, Miss Preen,
17:23when she chastises him for eating candy.
17:25He recounts the story of his great aunt,
17:28a woman who lived to be over 100 despite eating a box of candy every day.
17:32Then comes the stinger.
17:34She lived to be 102, and when she'd been dead three days,
17:37she looked better than you do now.
17:39Few cinematic jibes have as much build-up as this one,
17:43but that's what makes it so deliciously evil.
17:45I never felt so much like Christmas in all my life.
17:48Don't you, Sherry dear?
17:49Shut your nasty little face!
17:51Number 3. I wouldn't worry too much about your heart.
17:54All About Eve.
17:55Set against the glamorous and cutthroat world of the New York theater,
17:59All About Eve features powerhouse performances from Bette Davis and Ann Baxter
18:03as two rival stage actresses.
18:05The movie's literate and witty screenplay by writer-director Joseph Almankiewicz
18:09is loaded with timeless, endlessly quotable dialogue.
18:13Fasten your seatbelts.
18:16One of the most incisive lines comes at the end of the movie,
18:20after Eve accepts an award for the role she backstabbed her way into,
18:24and tells her gathered guests that her heart will always be with the theater.
18:28As the illustrious grand dam Margot Channing,
18:32Bette Davis offers the backhanded compliment of a lifetime.
18:35Nice speechy.
18:37But I wouldn't worry too much about your heart.
18:40You can always put that award where your heart ought to be.
18:42Oof.
18:43Bette Davis' shade is always cold.
18:46I don't suppose there's a drink left.
18:48Number 2. If I Gave You Any Thought.
18:51Casablanca.
18:52I'm shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on in here.
18:55You're winning, sir.
18:56Oh, thank you very much.
18:57Everybody out at once.
18:59Everyone remembers this Bogart and Bergman classic
19:01as a legendary love story set against the backdrop of World War II.
19:05But it's easy to forget just how funny it is.
19:08As bar owner Rick Blaine,
19:10Bogart gets to shoot off some of the funniest quips this side of a Marx Brothers movie.
19:14Who were you last night?
19:15Not so long ago, I don't remember.
19:18Will I see you tonight?
19:19I never make plans that far ahead.
19:21For example, this great exchange between Bogart and Peter Lorre,
19:25who plays the oily criminal Ugarty.
19:27Sensing Rick's disapproval of him,
19:29Ugarty asks the cynical Rick if he despises him.
19:32To which Rick delivers a fantastically concise and to-the-point retort.
19:37You despise me, don't you?
19:40Now, if I gave you any thought, I probably would.
19:42It's moments like this that made Humphrey Bogart the epitome of 1940s cool.
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20:22The controversial 1939 mega-hit has its fair share of name-calling and trash talk,
20:27but it's Clark Gable's exit line that still rings in the ears of movie fans.
20:32After nearly four hours of chasing the feisty Scarlett O'Hara all across the state of Georgia,
20:37the rascal Confederate Rhett Butler finally has enough of her selfishness.
20:41And gives her the brush-off of all brush-offs.
20:44Rhett, if you go, where shall I go? What shall I do?
20:49Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.
20:52Whether it's the twinkle in Clark Gable's eye
20:54or the way he struts off after delivering the immortal line,
20:57the moment has stuck with audiences for nearly a century.
21:00Did your favorite old Hollywood insult make the list?
21:03Tell us in the comments.
21:04parents.
21:05That moment's very nice.
21:06See you next time.
21:06See you next time.
21:06pace,
21:06diving,rock,
21:08exciting,
21:10se aerospace,
21:10audience, and the north
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