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Dealing with rejection can make you question yourself long after the other person has moved on.

You remember what happened. You reconstruct conversations. You wonder whether one different sentence could have changed everything.

There is wisdom in examining ourselves, but there is also a point where reflection becomes a prison.

Jesus experienced rejection too.

Some people heard Him and refused to believe. Some disciples followed Him and later left. His hometown rejected Him. One of His closest followers betrayed Him, and another denied knowing Him.

Yet rejection never became Jesus' identity.

He continued loving people. He continued telling the truth. He continued doing what the Father called Him to do.

That gives us a very practical lesson.

You may not control who stays in your life, but you can decide whether their departure controls the rest of it.

Do not allow somebody's anger to make you angry at the world.

Do not allow betrayal to make you incapable of trust.

Do not allow rejection to convince you that you are rejected by God.

And do not spend years standing emotionally in the place where somebody said goodbye.

There may still be road ahead of you.

Forgive where forgiveness is needed. Correct what you did wrong. Seek peace when peace is possible.

Then keep walking.

The person who left does not get to decide whether you continue becoming the person God is calling you to be.

Your friend,
Douglas Vandergraph

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Learning
Transcript
00:00I want to talk to you about something that Jesus did that I think is going to surprise a lot
00:07of people.
00:08Jesus let people walk away.
00:12Now, that may not sound profound at first, but I want you to think about it.
00:19Jesus loved people perfectly.
00:22He healed people.
00:24He forgave them.
00:25He fed them.
00:27He sat with people nobody else wanted anything to do with.
00:32He cared deeply.
00:34But he still did not chase everybody who decided to leave.
00:40And I think some of us need to hear that.
00:43Because we're wearing ourselves out trying to keep people in our lives who have already made a decision.
00:51We keep explaining ourselves.
00:54We keep trying to prove our intentions.
00:57We keep replaying conversations in our heads.
01:01We keep thinking, if I could just get them to understand me, maybe everything would be different.
01:09Maybe.
01:10But maybe not.
01:13And that's where Jesus gives us a lesson.
01:18In John chapter 6, Jesus gave a teaching that was hard for people to accept.
01:25And the Bible says that many of his disciples stopped following him.
01:30They walked away.
01:32Now, imagine that.
01:35These were people who had been following Jesus, listening to Jesus, watching everything he did.
01:43And they left.
01:45You know what Jesus did not do?
01:48He did not run after them.
01:50He did not say, wait, come back.
01:53Let me change what I said.
01:55Or water down the truth to keep the crowd.
01:59He turned to the twelve and he asked them,
02:02Will ye also go away?
02:05And you know what?
02:06That totally gets me.
02:08Because Jesus was not insecure about who he was.
02:12He did not need everybody's approval to continue what the Father had sent him to do.
02:18And I wonder, how many of us are stuck because we're still trying to get approval from somebody
02:25who has already decided not to give it?
02:29Maybe it's a friend.
02:32Maybe it's family.
02:34Maybe it's somebody you worked with or somebody you loved.
02:39Maybe it's somebody you helped.
02:42And they still walked away.
02:44Here's what I want you to understand, my friend.
02:48Somebody leaving does not always mean that you have failed.
02:53Now, sometimes we do need to take responsibility.
02:58If you were wrong, you should admit it.
03:01If you hurt somebody, you should apologize.
03:05And if you can repair something, my advice would be to repair it.
03:11But you see, Jesus never taught pride.
03:16And there's a big difference between taking responsibility for what you did and taking responsibility for somebody else's decision.
03:27You cannot control both sides of a relationship.
03:32You cannot force somebody to understand you.
03:36You cannot force somebody to forgive you or make somebody stay who has decided to leave.
03:45And Jesus, he didn't try to.
03:49You see, there's another story in Mark chapter 10, where a wealthy young man comes to Jesus.
03:56He wanted to know what he needed to do to inherit eternal life.
04:02And Jesus challenged him.
04:04And the Bible says something important.
04:08It says Jesus looked at him and loved him.
04:13You see, Jesus loved this man.
04:17And then the man walked away.
04:20And Jesus let him go.
04:23I want you to think about that.
04:26Jesus loved him and still let the man make his own choice.
04:31Now, that doesn't mean that Jesus stopped caring.
04:34Don't get me wrong.
04:35It means love does not always mean chasing.
04:40Sometimes love means telling the truth and opening your hands.
04:45Sometimes love means praying for somebody without following them down every single road they choose.
04:53Sometimes love means leaving the door open without standing in the doorway for the rest of your life.
04:59Now, that's a hard lesson.
05:02Especially if you're the kind of person who wants to keep fixing everything.
05:08Some of us think that if a relationship breaks, it must be our job to repair it.
05:14And if somebody misunderstands us, it must be our job to convince them.
05:20And if somebody is angry with us, it must be our job to make them happy again.
05:27But sometimes you've done everything you know how to do.
05:31And at that point, faith looks like surrender.
05:35Not surrender to bitterness.
05:38Surrendering to the outcome that God has decided.
05:42You say, God, I've done what I can.
05:47I've prayed.
05:49I've apologized where I needed to.
05:52I've tried to make peace.
05:54Now I have to trust you with what happens next.
05:59You see, friends, that is not weakness.
06:03That takes strength.
06:05And let me tell you another part of this lesson.
06:08Do not let rejection turn you into somebody you do not want to become.
06:14That's the danger.
06:15You see, if somebody betrays you and now you trust nobody, that's not good.
06:22If somebody lies about you and now you become angry at everybody, that's not good either.
06:30Or if somebody leaves and now you decide you will never get close to anyone again, I want
06:37to remind you that Jesus never did that.
06:42He was rejected.
06:43He was criticized, misunderstood.
06:46Even his hometown rejected him.
06:49Religious leaders attacked him.
06:52Disciples left him.
06:55Judas betrayed him.
06:57Peter denied him.
06:59And yet Jesus kept loving people.
07:02Now that's powerful if you ask me.
07:05You see, Jesus experienced rejection without becoming controlled by rejection.
07:10And maybe that's the lesson we need to hear today.
07:14You do not get to choose everything people do to you.
07:19But you do get to choose what kind of person you become afterward.
07:24You see, if somebody is cruel to you, do not become cruel.
07:29If somebody refuses to forgive you, do not become unforgiving.
07:34And if somebody walks away, do not let it convince you that everybody else will.
07:42If somebody rejects you, do not let their rejection become your identity.
07:49Keep your heart soft.
07:51Keep your faith.
07:53And keep moving.
07:55Because some of us are still standing at the exact spot where somebody left us.
08:01We're mentally still there.
08:04Still replaying it.
08:05Still wondering what we should have said.
08:08Still wondering what they're saying about us.
08:12Still wondering whether they miss us.
08:15Whether they regret it.
08:17And meanwhile, life keeps moving on.
08:22You see, God is still working.
08:25There is still purpose in front of you.
08:28And there are still people you have not met yet.
08:32There are also still things God wants to teach you.
08:36And places.
08:37He can use you.
08:39You see, you cannot keep staring at a closed door and expect to see the ones God is opening.
08:47And in the end of that moment, in John chapter 6, after people walked away,
08:53Jesus asked the twelve if they wanted to leave too.
08:59Peter said,
09:01Lord, to whom shall we go?
09:04Thou hast the words of eternal life.
09:07You know what?
09:08I love that.
09:10Because some left, some stayed.
09:12But Jesus remained who he was.
09:15And that's what I want you to take with you today.
09:19You do not need everybody to stay.
09:23You do not need everybody to understand you.
09:26Friend, you do not need everybody to approve of you.
09:31You need to know who you are in Christ.
09:34You need to know who you are following.
09:37You need to know that even when people change, God does not.
09:42So, forgive people.
09:45So, forgive people.
09:46Love people.
09:47Pray for people.
09:49Own your mistakes.
09:51And make peace where you can.
09:53But do not spend your life chasing somebody who has chosen another direction.
10:00Jesus did not.
10:02He loved people deeply.
10:05Sometimes he did let them walk away.
10:09And then he kept walking in the purpose God gave him.
10:14And maybe that's what you need to do too.
10:21My name is Douglas Vander Graf, and I believe in Jesus Christ.
10:26God bless every single one of you, every single one, and everyone you love.
10:38Bye-bye.
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