00:00Submarine. Also known as the SS Cholesterol.
00:04I thought we were talking about squeaky floors?
00:07Stick with me.
00:08Let's say your wife has you on one of those low-cal mulch and grass diets,
00:12but you got one of these bad boys hidden out in that camp cooler in the garage.
00:18Wait till she drifts off to sleep.
00:21You creep out the garage to get it, but as soon as your feet hit the floor, what happens?
00:31She wakes up.
00:32Hey, leave that Submarine sandwich alone, you big tub of lard!
00:36Get back in the bed! You're gonna be nothing but fiber for three months!
00:41And you doubted the connection.
00:49I'm hating myself now.
00:52The point is, today, how do you get rid of that tattletale squeak?
00:56Well, first, you have to determine if you have a squeak, a creak, or a groan.
01:01Oh.
01:09Because each one of those will require a different repair.
01:13Right, Al.
01:14Now, Larry, you want to get Brink and Cameron here.
01:16Normally, a squeak is caused by wood rubbing against a loose nail.
01:19Now, if you have your squeak between the joists, what you want to do is add a bridge.
01:25All right.
01:28Now, older homes, like older people, tend to groan.
01:33Our older viewers will want to write, Tim, at tool time.
01:38P.O. Box 32733.
01:43Now, if you have a creak, which happens when two boards rub against each other, we have an old carpenter's
01:48remedy.
01:49Right. Take an old squeezeable ketchup bottle, fill it with talp and powder.
01:51Now, you want to direct the talp between the boards, give it a good, healthy squeeze.
02:09You know, I don't think many people know, but on weekends, Al does mime at the mall.
02:13I don't know.
02:14O-O-O-S-T
