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  • 2 months ago
Microwave Massacre gets the 5 Minute Drive-In treatment in this fast 5-minute cut of the cult horror-comedy starring Jackie Vernon, the deadpan comedian best known as the voice of Frosty the Snowman.

This edit was cut by me, not AI. AI did not edit the video.

Spoiler warning: this is the whole greasy little cannibal comedy compressed into 5 minutes. Also mild gross-stuff warning, because this movie has murder, leftovers, terrible food, construction-site lunch trauma, and a giant microwave being asked to do things no appliance should ever be asked to do.

Donald is a construction worker trapped in a bad marriage, bad dinners, and eventually very bad kitchen decisions. Somehow that turns into murder, cannibalism, deadpan jokes, chicken-suit weirdness, and one of the strangest cult horror-comedies ever reheated.

Chapters:
0:00 Microwave Massacre enters the danger kitchen
0:10 Construction-site jokes and bad decisions
0:20 Donald’s life is already overcooked
0:30 Barroom misery with Jackie Vernon
0:40 The giant microwave enters the chat
0:50 Dinner complaints become a warning sign
1:00 Domestic tension reaches appliance levels
1:10 Fancy cooking makes everything worse
1:25 Donald hits his breaking point
1:40 The murder menu begins
1:55 Cannibal leftovers go to work
2:10 Construction-site lunch becomes cursed
2:25 Donald explains nothing and eats worse
2:40 Night moves, bad choices, worse appetite
2:55 The movie forgets good taste exists
3:10 Kitchen crimes keep reheating
3:25 Chicken-suit cinema arrives somehow
3:40 The microwave is basically a co-star
3:55 More victims, more leftovers, less dignity
4:10 Dating gets extremely unsafe
4:25 Donald’s appetite becomes the villain
4:40 The kitchen nightmare closes in
4:55 Dinner is served, unfortunately
5:05 5 Minute Drive-In survives the leftovers

5 Weird Fun Facts:
1. Microwave Massacre is widely cataloged as 1983, though some sources list 1979.
2. Jackie Vernon, who plays Donald, was the voice of Frosty the Snowman.
3. Director Wayne Berwick made a cannibal comedy built around a giant microwave.
4. Arrow Video later gave this trashy little thing a serious cult Blu-ray release.
5. The budget was reportedly just under $100,000, which explains a lot and excuses very little.

Sorry for the fun facts being in there, but they add context/commentary and help support the fair-use argument.

Also sorry that not everything can fit. Five minutes is not enough room for every gross bite, bad joke, chicken suit, kitchen crime, and Frosty-related emotional injury.

Binge more 5 Minute Drive-In edits:

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLkxY-xQJazrnSZQqRbkFkxP3ldWLmbllc

Is Microwave Massacre gross genius, stupid trash, or both?

Microwave Massacre,
Microwave Massacre 1983,
Microwave Massacre 1979,
Jackie Vernon,
Frosty the Snowman,
Wayne Berwick,
Craig Muckler,
horror comedy,
cannibal comedy,
cult horror,
bad movies,
B movies,
grindhouse,
movie edit,
movie recap,
5 Minute Drive-In

Category

🎈
Fun
Transcript
00:00Too many bones.
00:07You can get ready for a feast.
00:10How can I feel, music?
00:12You gotta make like you're a willowy tree.
00:15You wouldn't have any mustard there, would you?
00:17Gee, what I'd give for a good old bologna and cheese.
00:20That's a liquor license, not a shrink license.
00:24Can't remember the last time I had something good to eat.
00:27Better make it a double.
00:28Just don't tell me why.
00:29It's for my own good, she says.
00:32Why can't she have a hobby like painting eggs?
00:35Hemorrhoids.
00:36She could do it sitting on a pillow.
00:37Can I ever tell you about my hemorrhoids?
00:39They get really bad when it's humid, you know.
00:43You expecting someone from the health department, man?
00:47Any man would do.
00:49Just don't sit down with those grimy clothes.
00:56You better be here when the microwave rings.
00:59This is it, Mae.
01:00It has to cook a few more minutes.
01:03When it comes to cooking, you'd make a great decorator.
01:06Come on, you sap as veal.
01:10When I said your food belonged in hell, I...
01:14Now where were we?
01:16You're a walking contraceptive.
01:18Some men still find me attractive.
01:23How should I know them?
01:24I didn't attend the Braille Institute.
01:27It's delicious!
01:28Why can't you fix something simple?
01:31Want to feel my hard hat?
01:34Don't do that.
01:36What a nice pussy.
01:38I want a bologna and cheese sandwich for dinner.
01:42And as for that deranged toaster, you know what you can do with it.
01:47You pig!
01:49There is something bothering you.
01:52You have a definite grasp for the obvious.
01:56That's what's bothering me.
01:58And it really helps my food money go far.
02:10Isn't it in the microwave?
02:15Hot meat.
02:22There's nothing in there.
02:25Not bad.
02:28Please don't try to tell me it's a drumstick.
02:31It's something new I've been trying.
02:33This is fantastic!
02:35Hey, give me that back.
02:36This is a tummy turn-on, man.
02:38I can bring some in tomorrow.
02:40This meat is a little tough and old.
02:42I still haven't perfected a way to prepare it.
02:47Quit distracting the paying customers.
02:49You're a real son of a bitch.
02:52That's no reason to be kicked out.
02:54You know, you look so much better in the dark.
02:57Maybe, you know, an even darker place
02:59where we could go and admire each other.
03:02I don't know why I've taken so long to humor you.
03:05All this effort's given me a huge appetite.
03:08As long as nothing's going on here.
03:14I could eat a whore.
03:17Hey, you know, that was a great game, guys.
03:20I can't be a scurry in a coat.
03:22Ha-ha!
03:33Do you have any eggs for my basket?
03:35Shouldn't you be doing it?
03:38I've always been sort of a normal fella.
03:41You know, just an ordinary joe.
03:48Where's May?
03:49Beats me.
03:50I came here to see my sister and I...
03:53Here she is.
03:54I've been teaching Napoleon.
03:57I'll go get her, all right?
04:00Poor dear.
04:05Augustin, Augustin.
04:08Sure, you needed the pacemaker years ago
04:10when you had all that excess weight.
04:11Now it's just a booster.
04:13You can do everything you could 15 years ago.
04:18Says several foxes disappeared last week
04:20in a small area of town.
04:22It gets better every time.
04:24Can I have a ride?
04:26Hop in.
04:34Now.
04:39Hey, Donald, this isn't a time
04:41or a place to be asleep.
04:44I so see it,
04:46but I so don't believe it.
04:50Hey, Charlie, come here.
04:52You gotta see this.
04:53This thing's a death trap
04:54for anyone with a pacemaker.
05:06I love you.
05:08I know it.
05:08I know it.
05:09I know it.
05:10I know it.

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