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Three Husbands (1950) is a classic comedy and film noir featuring Eve Arden. This entertaining vintage movie combines humor, drama, romance, and mystery with the distinctive atmosphere of 1950s cinema. Enjoy this timeless classic and experience the charm of Golden Age Hollywood
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00:05:51SAID
00:05:52I PUT IT
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00:06:09TO所有
00:06:09I promise I'll stop at the supermarket on the way home.
00:06:12There you are.
00:06:13What's this?
00:06:15Max left that for you.
00:06:17But I thought the will was to be read.
00:06:18Isn't that why?
00:06:19Well, tomorrow.
00:06:20I'll let you know the time.
00:06:44Yes, dear, I hear you.
00:06:45I'll remember.
00:06:48But you know what's in this letter?
00:06:50No, as executor, I was instructed to hand it to you.
00:06:53Not bad news, Al.
00:06:54Oh, no, no, nothing like that.
00:06:56Just about the business.
00:06:57Well, I'd better be getting off.
00:06:58Working, man, you know.
00:07:00I'll phone you about the will.
00:07:01Yes, the will.
00:07:02Oh, yes, certainly.
00:07:04Well, bye.
00:07:05Bye, Al.
00:07:07So long, fellas.
00:07:08So long, Art.
00:07:12Must be good news.
00:07:13Kenneth, won't be too long, Dan.
00:07:18Good afternoon, Miss Randall.
00:07:19Good afternoon, Mr. Evans.
00:07:40Going down.
00:07:42Good afternoon, Mr. Evans.
00:07:44Mr. Evans.
00:08:14Well, Max, what a guy.
00:08:18Imagine him pouring a gag like this even on the day of his funeral.
00:08:21Gag?
00:08:21Sure.
00:08:22I got a nose for it.
00:08:23I can smell a gag ten miles away, and that's what this is.
00:08:26And I'll tell you something else, Edwin.
00:08:27You told me everything else.
00:08:29Okay, so I'm wasting your time.
00:08:30Bill me.
00:08:31I can afford even your fees.
00:08:33You don't think it's money, huh?
00:08:35Well, no.
00:08:35Nah, you didn't know Max the way I did.
00:08:37Why are you sporting spirits?
00:08:39No, you're talking, Edwin.
00:08:40A natural-born sport, that's me, and a great sense of humor.
00:08:43That'll pull you through anything.
00:08:46Okay, I won't waste any more of your valuable time.
00:08:49You gotta see a man about a horse.
00:08:50A bookie.
00:08:51I forgot something.
00:08:52What?
00:08:53Oh, yeah.
00:08:55I gotta show this to somebody.
00:08:57Who?
00:08:57My wife.
00:08:58She got a great kick out of this.
00:09:00Well, Lucille's got an even better sense of humor than me.
00:09:15What's the matter, Kenny?
00:09:17Bad news?
00:09:19Okay.
00:09:20None of my business.
00:09:21Wait a minute, Joe.
00:09:24Read that.
00:09:27Dear Kenneth.
00:09:34Your wife and I.
00:09:39What'd you do if somebody said that about your wife?
00:09:41My wife?
00:09:42Impossible.
00:09:42Why?
00:09:43She ain't got the time.
00:09:44You know what I'd do if I was you?
00:09:46I'd beat the living bejeebers out of a guy like that.
00:09:49Wish I could.
00:09:50Well, why can't you?
00:09:51A big guy like you?
00:09:52It's not that.
00:09:53Well, suppose he's smaller.
00:09:54Suppose he's weaker.
00:09:55He deserves it, don't he?
00:09:56I can't.
00:09:57Well, now, why can't you?
00:09:58Just answer me that.
00:09:59Why not?
00:09:59He's dead.
00:10:00Well, but look what he'd done to you.
00:10:02Dead.
00:10:06Well, in that case, there's only one thing you can do now.
00:10:10What?
00:10:10There was another party involved, wasn't there?
00:10:13Well, I don't beat women.
00:10:15Oh, neither do I.
00:10:16Only when it's necessary.
00:10:37Jane?
00:10:39Good afternoon, Mr. Evans.
00:10:41Isn't Mrs. Evans here?
00:10:42No, sir.
00:10:42Didn't you give her my message?
00:10:43She didn't call.
00:10:44You're sure you don't know where she is?
00:10:46She usually tells you, doesn't she?
00:10:47She didn't today.
00:10:48Why not?
00:10:48Suppose one of the children got sick.
00:10:50What would you do?
00:10:50I'd phone the doctor.
00:10:53Well, I don't know where she is, but I don't know where she
00:10:53might be.
00:10:54Well, usually, Fridays.
00:10:56Go on.
00:10:58She went to the symphony concert with poor Mr. Max.
00:11:01Why do you talk about him all the time?
00:11:03Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Evans.
00:11:05I know how badly you must feel about poor Mr. Max.
00:11:09Don't mention that name again!
00:11:12Oh!
00:11:12Well done.
00:11:38No, no, it's not possible.
00:11:41Why are you so smart?
00:11:43You have a very attractive wife.
00:11:45It can't be.
00:11:47Are you afraid to remember?
00:11:50Think about it.
00:11:53Think back.
00:12:03Arthur, I have a feeling I've caught you bluffing.
00:12:05What makes you think so?
00:12:07You know, you ought never to try to conceal your feelings.
00:12:09You haven't got a poker face.
00:12:12You know what I'm going to do?
00:12:13I'm going to raise you again.
00:12:28You might give us a look for our investment.
00:12:29Not only all the eyes.
00:12:31Two things one ought to be reckless about.
00:12:34Poker and women.
00:12:35You ought to know. You're lucky with both.
00:12:37Well, deal me out of this, will you?
00:12:39Hello.
00:12:41Oh, hello, my dear.
00:12:43Hey, Max, is she pretty?
00:12:44Of course she's pretty. What do you think?
00:12:47Well, it's true, isn't it?
00:12:49Have you got a nice day?
00:12:50Tell me about it.
00:12:54Oh, no.
00:12:55Hey, Max, see she's got a friend.
00:12:57Tall and skinny with good legs.
00:12:59Yes.
00:12:59You're next to mine.
00:13:00Yeah.
00:13:01Is she married?
00:13:02It wasn't this long.
00:13:03You got a father?
00:13:04What do you think?
00:13:05I'll toss you.
00:13:06Don't risk your money.
00:13:07He's bragging.
00:13:08Sorry, don't you say.
00:13:09What?
00:13:10Disturbing me?
00:13:11No, on the contrary.
00:13:12You're rescuing me from a bunch of second-hand Romeos.
00:13:15Oh, ho!
00:13:15Listen to him.
00:13:16You ought to try being married.
00:13:17He's learned.
00:13:18The facts are lying.
00:13:20Don't you be so smug, boys.
00:13:22There's plenty I could teach you cut-rate Casanovas.
00:13:26Do you hear that?
00:13:27Hmm?
00:13:28Yes, yes, of course.
00:13:29Have a hug.
00:13:30Right, thank you for calling, Doc.
00:13:31All right.
00:13:32Goodbye.
00:13:34Why do you suppose he's never gotten married?
00:13:36It ain't that he don't like dames.
00:13:37You're absolutely right, old boy.
00:13:39I like women far too much ever to make wives of them.
00:13:41What's wrong with wives?
00:13:43Husbands.
00:13:43Oh.
00:13:45Another drink?
00:13:46Not for me.
00:13:46I gotta go home.
00:13:47Let's break it up.
00:13:48Oh, it's early yet.
00:13:49It's after two.
00:13:50He's got a bunch of time clock when he goes home.
00:13:52I wish I did.
00:13:53He's on night duty.
00:13:54Why isn't I married a trained nurse?
00:13:56You ever try going home to an empty apartment?
00:13:58Well, at least you don't have to lie when you get in late.
00:14:00Gentlemen, I beg of you.
00:14:01Marriage is a sacred institution.
00:14:02I agree with you.
00:14:03Jane and I have never found it necessary to lie to each other.
00:14:06Hey, Art, what do you do for fun?
00:14:08Hey, didn't you ever tell him just want a little one?
00:14:10He studied honor at Harvard.
00:14:12Sorry, Arthur.
00:14:12No nightcap for you.
00:14:13Jane just said to remember your stomach.
00:14:15What was that, Jane?
00:14:16Look, Max, I want to talk to you before I leave about those new posters.
00:14:20Arthur, aren't you going to ask me why your wife should bring me up at this time of night?
00:14:23To tell you the latest bright sayings of your godchildren or that Mozart is being played on station KXXY?
00:14:28You underestimate your wife's emotional quality.
00:14:30Jane is a very sentimental woman.
00:14:32Well, what did she want?
00:14:33To remind you to take your pills.
00:14:36That's Jane for you.
00:14:37She's happiest when we were all tucked in bed at 8.30 with hot milk.
00:14:41Come off it, Arthur.
00:14:42You love going to bed at 8.30 with hot milk.
00:14:44You seem to forget that I'm in the office every morning at 9.
00:14:47Uh-oh.
00:14:48I'll take guards on whose wife it is this time.
00:14:50Tell her I left 20 minutes ago.
00:14:52Wait, I'll ride down with you.
00:14:55How do we go?
00:14:57Hello?
00:14:58Good.
00:14:59No, dear.
00:15:00He hasn't been here all the evening.
00:15:02Well, I would know where he is.
00:15:03Oh, he's probably with a woman.
00:15:05That'll put her in her place.
00:15:07Oh, Arthur, I really will try and come and see you tomorrow in the office.
00:15:09You'd better, Max.
00:15:10We're way behind schedule on that new design.
00:15:12Well, if he's not home with you in 10 minutes' time, you ring me up and I'll come along and
00:15:16put so, dear.
00:15:17What do you say?
00:15:18All right, dear.
00:15:19Good-bye.
00:15:20I'm glad you reminded me, Arthur.
00:15:21I've got just the artist for you.
00:15:23Meet us at 5 o'clock tomorrow at Guglielmo's Bar.
00:15:26I'll be there.
00:15:27Good-bye, Max.
00:15:28Hello, Max.
00:15:29Is Matilda Clegg.
00:15:31But she signs herself just Matilda.
00:15:33Very chic nowadays in her profession.
00:15:35Oh, Max.
00:15:36How do you do?
00:15:37How do you do?
00:15:37Well, I never thought Max's artist would be like you.
00:15:40Well, that's very conventional.
00:15:42Does an artist have to wear smocks and have untidy hair?
00:15:45Well, I'm not conventional.
00:15:47It's just that you were such a pleasant surprise.
00:15:50You're very close.
00:15:51Oh, he's the saloncelot of the suburbs.
00:15:53Well, let's not pay any attention to him.
00:15:55My dear, I wouldn't like you to misunderstand Arthur.
00:15:57He's interested in you as an artist.
00:15:59She's very good, too, in spite of her appearance.
00:16:01Oh, I like her appearance.
00:16:02She's...
00:16:03She's...
00:16:03She's very nice.
00:16:05There, you see?
00:16:06Arthur, don't you let yourself be taken in.
00:16:08She likes to drink with her gloves on because it makes her feel like an adventurist.
00:16:12Isn't he wicked?
00:16:15Joking apart, though, she is clever.
00:16:18And she does need the work.
00:16:19I have a feeling she'd make a first straight job of those posters.
00:16:21I'm sure she would.
00:16:26Would you like me to leave now?
00:16:28Or shall we discuss the project?
00:16:30We might do that over dinner.
00:16:31I'll go and see what old Guglielmo's got in his refrigerator, shall I?
00:16:37Well...
00:16:38Um...
00:16:39Tell me about your work.
00:16:40Oh, there isn't much to tell, really.
00:16:42Max thinks differently.
00:16:43I'd love to show you my drawings.
00:16:45I'd love to see them.
00:16:46When?
00:16:47Whenever you'd like.
00:16:48The sooner the better.
00:16:50My studio's not far from here.
00:16:52North Beach.
00:16:53Well, that's right on my way home.
00:16:54Perhaps I could take you there.
00:16:56Tonight?
00:16:57Why not?
00:17:00Excuse me, will you?
00:17:01Oh, Arthur, I congratulate you.
00:17:03You've succeeded in getting her to take off one glove,
00:17:05which is further than she's ever gone with me.
00:17:08Do you know that Guglielmo's found some small squab chickens
00:17:11even tenderer than Matilda?
00:17:14Just get Jane to join us, shall we?
00:17:15Oh, well, uh...
00:17:16I'll call her.
00:17:17No, no, no.
00:17:17I'll take care of her.
00:17:19Excuse me.
00:17:25I'm dying.
00:17:26I'm just dying.
00:17:27Now, my dear, control yourself, will you?
00:17:29The purpose of this meeting was purely professional.
00:17:32He looks wistful.
00:17:34He's very unhappy.
00:17:35Matilda, when you feel one of these sentimental, romantic urges coming on,
00:17:39why don't you take up an old bachelor like me?
00:17:41I never take up.
00:17:43Oh?
00:17:43Sorry.
00:17:44I'm very sincere.
00:17:46That's why I don't fall in love with you, Max.
00:17:48Frivolous men don't touch me.
00:17:50Too bad.
00:17:51Would you like to see a picture of my godchildren?
00:17:53No.
00:17:53And they're handsome.
00:17:55You know that Jane's their mother,
00:17:57and she's also Arthur's wife.
00:18:00They've been married for nine years,
00:18:02and they have never told each other a lie.
00:18:06Why do you carry another man's wife in your wallet, Max?
00:18:10Oh, is Jane coming?
00:18:12She's very sorry, but it's the maid's night out,
00:18:13and there's no one to stay with the children.
00:18:15Oh, too bad.
00:18:16Poor things.
00:18:17That means you'll have to go back and keep her company, won't it?
00:18:20Oh, never mind, another time.
00:18:21One more squab chicken for us, eh?
00:18:24Oh, I'm so sorry, darling.
00:18:25I neglected to tell you.
00:18:27I have another date.
00:18:29Oh.
00:18:46Good morning, dear.
00:18:48I hate to do this to you, but it's later than you think.
00:18:52Oh, no, you don't.
00:18:55I'm already at your sleep the absolute limit.
00:18:57Come on, now.
00:18:58Up to go.
00:19:00Hey.
00:19:00Open up.
00:19:01How many fingers, huh?
00:19:02Six.
00:19:03Oh, darling.
00:19:05Bad hangover, hmm?
00:19:06Late conference.
00:19:07Uh-uh, uh-uh.
00:19:08Please, dear.
00:19:09We never lied to each other before, and let's not start now.
00:19:13There.
00:19:14Max called me up and told me everything.
00:19:18Well, I can see by your face you were very guilty conscience.
00:19:22Come on, dear.
00:19:23Take your pill.
00:19:24You'll feel a lot better.
00:19:26How much did you lose?
00:19:28Well, for heaven's sake.
00:19:30Excuse me.
00:19:30I'm in bad shape.
00:19:32What's the matter with you, anyway?
00:19:34Are you so in love with that game you have to play poker two nights in succession?
00:19:39Well, not to blame you playing with Max.
00:19:42He's such fun.
00:19:44Is that, uh, all he told you?
00:19:47Oh, what else is that attack?
00:19:48Oh, nothing.
00:19:49Uh-huh.
00:19:50Oh, so you did lose, hmm?
00:19:53I didn't lose at all.
00:19:55As a matter of fact, I won.
00:19:58Won?
00:20:00And I'm going to take my best girl out on my winnings.
00:20:03Oh.
00:20:03We'll have lunch at the palace.
00:20:05Lunch?
00:20:07Oh, darling, I think I may get to like this game.
00:20:11Oh.
00:20:13Oh, I'm sorry, dear, but I can't go.
00:20:15Why not?
00:20:16Today's Friday.
00:20:17Friday?
00:20:18Symphony.
00:20:19Oh, yes.
00:20:20That's right.
00:20:21You know how Max loathes being late for the symphony.
00:20:24Hmm.
00:20:26So you're going with him again, huh?
00:20:28Uh-huh.
00:20:30Do you mind?
00:20:32Why should I?
00:20:33Well, you know Max's reputation.
00:20:35He doesn't feel that way about you.
00:20:38Does he?
00:20:39He values you for your intellect.
00:20:46My, uh, intellect, hmm?
00:21:02Avant toi...
00:21:03Avant toi, je n'avais jamais connu de telle joie, mon amish.
00:21:08Solitaire.
00:21:10Gouenzéré.
00:21:11Sans but.
00:21:12Famille des jours et des nuits sans fin.
00:21:15Cherchant...
00:21:16Searching an ideal without ever finding it.
00:21:18You understand?
00:21:21Yes, I understand.
00:21:22Yes, I understand.
00:21:24It's a man who is a man who is in a soar,
00:21:28who is in a vignette,
00:21:29who is in a vignette,
00:21:30who is in a vignette,
00:21:32but who is in a vignette,
00:21:35without ever wanting it.
00:21:38It's a man who is in a soar.
00:21:43You understand?
00:21:44Yes.
00:21:46Well?
00:21:48Well, you're my apparue.
00:21:51Well, you're my apparue.
00:21:54Yes.
00:21:55And immediately,
00:21:57the food, the food,
00:21:59they have their sense for me.
00:22:02The light, the space, the existence.
00:22:05They have their place in the universe.
00:22:10The nightmare, the night,
00:22:13and the anger on my lier.
00:22:17Well, the only thing that happened for me,
00:22:19was to see more quickly
00:22:21the hours we separated.
00:22:24But all of this is an ancient history.
00:22:27Let's forget about the souci and the tracate.
00:22:30One thing is now, it's the future.
00:22:34For me, I know a little village on the Azur,
00:22:39far from Tamaris.
00:22:41There are houses with red houses,
00:22:44with the big trees and the parasols.
00:22:47There are no big places,
00:22:49but there are no big places,
00:22:51but there are no big places.
00:22:54We can't really forget the world civilized world.
00:22:59I can't imagine the best place in the world
00:23:02to start a life all day.
00:23:05Do you want to come with me?
00:23:07Yes, my love.
00:23:33It was wonderful, wasn't it?
00:23:35Wonderful.
00:23:37You'd certainly never see anything like that in an American film.
00:23:44Arthur!
00:23:45Mr. Mascara.
00:23:48Arthur!
00:23:49What?
00:23:50Your French is so emotional.
00:23:52Shall we go?
00:23:53And miss the cartoon?
00:23:55Well, he's getting home.
00:23:56Why, weren't you worried about Arthur striding up and down,
00:23:58eating his heart out?
00:24:00Well, he could surprise me.
00:24:04It's called Love in the Blood.
00:24:06It's a French picture.
00:24:07They talk French in it,
00:24:08but it tells you underneath what it means.
00:24:10Even if it didn't,
00:24:11you'd understand it all right.
00:24:12And this guy is absolutely sensational.
00:24:16He's a kind of romantic type, but with muscles, you know.
00:24:19There's a scene in it that's so terrific,
00:24:21he grabs this girl and he says,
00:24:24Mon amour, je t'adore.
00:24:26Je t'adore.
00:24:27Je t'adore.
00:24:27It was a travessant.
00:24:29I tell you, I got chills.
00:24:30The girl was good too.
00:24:33What did she say?
00:24:34She said, oui, mon amour.
00:24:37She'd had a lot of trouble in the picture.
00:24:39I tell you, I've seen it three times already
00:24:41and every time I bawl like a baby.
00:24:42You ought to see it, Jane.
00:24:44You would love it.
00:24:45You would really love it.
00:24:46I know I would.
00:24:48You ought to take her sometime.
00:24:49Oh, I will.
00:24:50I certainly will.
00:24:51Gee, I'd like to learn French.
00:24:53I got an idea they don't translate some of the best parts.
00:24:56Absolutely right.
00:24:57Would you like me to teach you French?
00:24:58Would you, Max?
00:24:59Oh, I'd be delighted, of course.
00:25:01Oh, George, have you got any beer?
00:25:02Yes, ma'am.
00:25:03How do you like that?
00:25:04They serve champagne.
00:25:05My wife wants beer.
00:25:06I happen to like beer.
00:25:08So do I.
00:25:09Draw two, Georgia.
00:25:10Yes, sir.
00:25:11Oh, just a minute, please.
00:25:18Come in, darling.
00:25:20Dear Max.
00:25:21Oh, dear Matilda.
00:25:24How nice it all looks.
00:25:26Well, how nice of you to say so.
00:25:33Now this, everybody, is Miss Matilda Clegg.
00:25:35Mary seems to be enjoying herself.
00:25:38Why shouldn't she, Mother?
00:25:40I didn't know she was so fond of music.
00:25:42Oh, she's over.
00:25:44I'm awfully bad.
00:25:44This is Mrs. Werthman.
00:25:49I could listen to a piano all night.
00:25:52Too bad your husband doesn't play.
00:25:54Oh.
00:25:54Putting in dance.
00:25:56Do you mind if I steal her?
00:25:57No, I'll furnish the accompaniment.
00:25:59Thanks.
00:26:02And this is a great friend of mine, Jane Evans.
00:26:04How do you do?
00:26:05Her husband, I think you know.
00:26:07This is an unexpected pleasure.
00:26:09I've heard so much about you.
00:26:11About me?
00:26:12My husband's simply mad about your work.
00:26:15As a matter of fact, so am I.
00:26:17Your posters are simply magnificent.
00:26:20Haven't I seen you somewhere, Mrs. Evans?
00:26:22It's a spot of caviar, don't you think?
00:26:26You'll have to watch your step, my pretty.
00:26:30I'm dying.
00:26:31Well, I've heard you die so often.
00:26:33I can't believe you can be serious this time.
00:26:35You think you're so subtle having us both to your silly party?
00:26:37I'm not going to be influenced, I assure you.
00:26:39That's an important dress.
00:26:40Must have cost $200.
00:26:42No wonder he's always worrying about money.
00:26:44You don't seem to realize we're both sincere.
00:26:46My dear, if you could just manage.
00:26:47You see, I'm not really very bright.
00:26:48If you could manage to have your remarks follow each other
00:26:50in some sort of logical sequence.
00:26:52I know why you did it.
00:26:53To show me the good wife whose life I'm destroying.
00:26:55What about my life?
00:26:57Your life?
00:26:58Well, a minute ago you were dying.
00:27:00Poor little Bathilda.
00:27:01Don't pity me.
00:27:02It's glorious to love.
00:27:04Glorious to love?
00:27:05Haven't I had that remark before somewhere?
00:27:07In a French movie?
00:27:08I think I hate you.
00:27:10Oh, I'm sorry, because I like you very much.
00:27:12You hate me.
00:27:13If you liked me sincerely, you'd have some sympathy.
00:27:15Instead of treating me like a homewrecker.
00:27:17A homewrecker?
00:27:17Anybody think you had a guilty conscience?
00:27:19I've always treated you like a naughty child, which is exactly what you are.
00:27:23Do nothing to be ashamed of.
00:27:25Can I help it if I'm in love?
00:27:26Oh, I thought it was something serious.
00:27:28No, there is somebody here that I would like you to meet.
00:27:30He's a composer.
00:27:30He's just back from Paris.
00:27:32He's talented, and what's more he's unattached.
00:27:35He's that handsome young man at the piano.
00:27:37That infant.
00:27:38Really, I never thought you'd do anything so often, isn't it?
00:27:43You will?
00:27:43Sure, nobody else.
00:27:45Should I help that?
00:27:46Yeah, I'll help you, Max.
00:27:47Danny, do you think the moment has come for our silly number?
00:27:49Well, do you think they can stand it?
00:27:51Oh, who cares about them?
00:27:52We enjoy ourselves, don't we?
00:27:54We'll let you know, everybody.
00:27:55We can't sing it now.
00:27:56Oh, very good.
00:27:57I heard that.
00:28:03Anything wrong?
00:28:03Oh, darling, I'm in despair.
00:28:06Please, Matilda.
00:28:07Indiscretion will get us nowhere.
00:28:08Where are we now?
00:28:09Hiding in corners, sneaking down side streets?
00:28:12As if I were ashamed of loving you.
00:28:14And this, this is the last straw.
00:28:18A husband brought two tickets home
00:28:21To take his wife to Tosca.
00:28:29I found a note which told him that
00:28:34Quote
00:28:34I am out with your friend Oscar
00:28:39Oscar
00:28:41Oscar
00:28:42Oscar
00:28:42Oscar
00:28:42Unquote
00:28:43Poor champ, poor champ
00:28:47This party, I'm sure he just gave it to humiliate me.
00:28:50Don't be absurd.
00:28:52Max has a birthday every year.
00:28:53He always throws a party.
00:28:55Men can be so cruel and blind.
00:28:57Why must you always exaggerate?
00:28:59Blood, there's a limit to my endurance.
00:29:02I can't go on like this any longer.
00:29:04You've got to decide now, tonight.
00:29:07Oh, darling, I don't care if we never go to Paris.
00:29:10I don't have to live on the left bank.
00:29:13I could live in an American suburb with you.
00:29:16You've got to tell her.
00:29:17You can't do a thing like that quickly.
00:29:20There's too much involved.
00:29:21Five months isn't quickly.
00:29:23We've been married eight years.
00:29:24I can't hurt her.
00:29:26She's never hurt you, I suppose.
00:29:28If you really knew her, you wouldn't ask ridiculous questions.
00:29:31Why, Charlotte.
00:29:34Poor chap.
00:29:36Poor chap.
00:29:37Poor husband's all.
00:29:39Eh, Max?
00:29:46Just because she's your wife, she's no holier than other women.
00:29:49What are you implying?
00:29:51Can't you see it with your own eyes?
00:29:52They're old friends.
00:29:54Ask her where she was last Friday afternoon.
00:29:56You're getting hysterical.
00:29:57Please, you're hurting me.
00:29:59You're angry with me now.
00:30:00You hate me.
00:30:01Oh, don't be a little fool.
00:30:03I guess it doesn't matter how much you hurt me.
00:30:06I want to make you happy.
00:30:08Believe me, darling.
00:30:09Both of you.
00:30:10Then I'm afraid you'll have to face the truth.
00:30:12She goes to the symphony on Friday.
00:30:14And after the symphony?
00:30:15I assure you, I'm not the least worried about it.
00:30:18Why not?
00:30:19Are you afraid to know?
00:30:20Oh!
00:30:21Don't be a little fool.
00:30:23I'm tired of having to beat about the bush while our love is sacrificed.
00:30:27If you don't ask her, I will.
00:30:30Matilda!
00:30:32It's the restaurant.
00:30:34It's the restaurant.
00:30:34It's the restaurant.
00:30:35It's the restaurant.
00:30:36It's the restaurant.
00:30:36Hey!
00:30:37Shall we adjourn to the snack bar, everybody?
00:30:38Come on.
00:30:39Come on.
00:30:40Follow me.
00:30:41Now, let's spread it for you.
00:30:43Oh, Max, absolutely.
00:30:44Nobody does like as beautifully as you are.
00:30:45You see, I don't need a wife, do I?
00:30:47I beg your pardon?
00:30:48I'm not crowding you, am I?
00:30:50Oh, not at all.
00:30:51There's plenty of room.
00:30:51A little white meat from sevens, please.
00:30:53Don't you just adore things in Aspix?
00:30:55If you mean just a jellied salad, send me.
00:30:57Definitely not.
00:30:58Your face is so familiar.
00:31:00Excuse me.
00:31:01Oh, hello, dear.
00:31:03Arthur Evans, are you trying to break up our marriage?
00:31:05Mm-hmm.
00:31:06Well, I don't know if we ever even looked at another lobster.
00:31:08It was grounds for divorce.
00:31:09Don't you remember what happened last time?
00:31:11Now I know where I saw you.
00:31:13Last Friday...
00:31:13I think I will have some lobster after all.
00:31:15I'm sure it was just my imagination last time.
00:31:17Now, dear, may I give you some advice?
00:31:19If you ever marry, pick a man with a strong stomach.
00:31:22A great love overlooks trifles.
00:31:24Well, if you'd lived with him for eight years,
00:31:26you'd hardly call Arthur's stomach a trifle.
00:31:28Couldn't we talk about something else?
00:31:30We could talk about the three days you spent in the hospital.
00:31:32Let him go to the hospital again,
00:31:33and we'll have as much fun as we had last time, hm?
00:31:35Oh, man!
00:31:36Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
00:32:05Hello, dear.
00:32:05You home already?
00:32:07Oh, I got the ticket saves.
00:32:08They were wonderful about it.
00:32:09Stop chattering.
00:32:10Arthur, what's wrong?
00:32:12It isn't the children.
00:32:13Doesn't your conscience tell you?
00:32:15My checking account isn't overdrawn.
00:32:16Don't look so innocent, you.
00:32:19You, Jezebel!
00:32:21Arthur!
00:32:29Well, come to any conclusions?
00:32:31Yeah, give me another drink.
00:32:33Oh, this ain't gonna do you any good, Ken.
00:32:35Might make you feel a little better up to a point,
00:32:37but conclusions, uh-uh.
00:32:39I'm very okay.
00:32:40I don't know what to believe.
00:32:42I don't know.
00:32:45Yes, you do know.
00:32:47You've always believed it.
00:32:51After all, she was my nurse.
00:32:55Do you remember?
00:32:57Think back.
00:33:00So there I found myself at last,
00:33:02in the promised land, Columbus, Ohio,
00:33:05among my American cousins.
00:33:06I'd been expecting, uh, cowboys and Indians.
00:33:09What did I find?
00:33:10Your mother-in-law.
00:33:11Oh.
00:33:11Only just as pretty then as you are now.
00:33:13Well, not quite simply.
00:33:15Oh, do tell us more.
00:33:16Hello, Ken.
00:33:16You're early, aren't you?
00:33:17Yeah, we didn't expect you till six.
00:33:19If I'm interrupting a tender moment, I can leave.
00:33:21Oh, no, no, no.
00:33:23You must enjoy working overtime.
00:33:25Will I have to pay a time and a half?
00:33:26You bet you do.
00:33:27Oh, don't be silly.
00:33:28I wouldn't stick around if I didn't love it so.
00:33:31Doesn't Max look wonderful?
00:33:32He's the healthiest-looking invalid I ever saw.
00:33:35Shall I tell you something?
00:33:36I've been putting the whole thing on
00:33:37so as to keep this radiant creature near me.
00:33:39Oh, Max.
00:33:40Let me tell you something.
00:33:41I believe it.
00:33:41You ought to be grateful for my heart attacks.
00:33:44If it hadn't been for your ailing cousin,
00:33:45you'd never have met her, wouldn't you?
00:33:47And when you snatched her away from me,
00:33:48I wasn't too pleased either.
00:33:49Were you jealous?
00:33:50Max, were you jealous?
00:33:52Jealous?
00:33:52You know perfectly well that when he first met you,
00:33:54you and I were madly in love with each other.
00:33:56Oh, you want me to get a heart attack, too?
00:33:58Oh, just keep this up.
00:33:59I love it.
00:34:00I bet you do.
00:34:01You about ready?
00:34:02Mm-hmm, I'm all packed.
00:34:03Now, you're breaking my heart.
00:34:04It's in pretty bad shape already.
00:34:05I shall probably have a relapse.
00:34:07Oh, how can I thank you enough?
00:34:08The only way that you can thank me
00:34:09is by taking care of yourself.
00:34:11Mm-hmm.
00:34:11Now, you'll remember your promise.
00:34:12If at any time you feel even,
00:34:14even slightly uncomfortable,
00:34:16I want you to call me.
00:34:17I don't care if it's day or night.
00:34:19Oh, sure.
00:34:193 a.m., 4, 5?
00:34:21Call me, and I'll be there in 15 minutes.
00:34:23Just like that.
00:34:24Now, you're making promises,
00:34:25and rash ones, too.
00:34:27What happens the night when I'm feeling perfectly well
00:34:29only just a little bit bored, hmm?
00:34:32Oh, it'll be a pleasure.
00:34:33Hey, break it up.
00:34:35It's a date.
00:34:35We'll be late.
00:34:36Oh, we've got plenty of time.
00:34:39Hey, what's that?
00:34:40Isn't it beautiful?
00:34:42Where'd you get it?
00:34:43A grateful patient.
00:34:53Surprise!
00:34:58Surprise.
00:35:01Oh, that funny man's here again.
00:35:03What have you got?
00:35:04Uh-uh.
00:35:04What did you bring me?
00:35:05Uh-uh.
00:35:05Payment in advance.
00:35:07Oh.
00:35:09Oh, Ken, an orchid.
00:35:11Happy second anniversary.
00:35:12Oh, I haven't had an orchid in years.
00:35:14I'll wear it tonight.
00:35:16Wait, wait.
00:35:16That's not all I've got.
00:35:19Oh, another present.
00:35:20Madam, you have a doting and extravagant husband.
00:35:23I thought we weren't going to spend any money on presents.
00:35:26Well.
00:35:27Huh?
00:35:29Why'd you get me?
00:35:31Well, it's not a diamond wrist lot.
00:35:32Oh, Ken.
00:35:35Oh.
00:35:38Hey, mine's bigger than yours.
00:35:40Well, mine's imported.
00:35:43Mmm.
00:35:46Smell.
00:35:48Mmm, yummy.
00:35:53Ooh.
00:35:55On your way.
00:35:56Oh, yeah.
00:35:57Our reservation's at Louie's.
00:35:59We're going to stop at the top of the mark for cocktails.
00:36:01And that's only a beginning.
00:36:04Ken, do you know what I'm thinking?
00:36:06What?
00:36:07That will cost an awful lot of money.
00:36:09Well, I thought you wanted to go out.
00:36:11Well, but we haven't spent an evening alone, just the two of us, for such a long time.
00:36:17Holy cow.
00:36:18I've been trying all day to figure out how to sell you that idea.
00:36:20I was afraid to mention it.
00:36:21And I thought you wanted to go out.
00:36:24Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho.
00:36:25Oh, I've got a little chicken ready for the broiler and champagne on ice.
00:36:30I'll build a fire.
00:36:32Champagne?
00:36:33Uh-huh.
00:36:34Proust-La Fontaine, 1923.
00:36:38Where'd you get that?
00:36:39Max gave it to me, don't you remember?
00:36:41Oh, yeah.
00:36:43Let's drink the whole bottle by ourselves.
00:36:47Oh.
00:36:48Uh, did you talk to Mother today?
00:36:51What do you think?
00:36:52Did you tell her we were going out?
00:36:53I told her we were going out.
00:36:55Was she, uh, angry?
00:36:57Well, if she was, she's too much of a lady to mention it.
00:37:00We'll be entitled to one evening alone on our anniversary.
00:37:04But if we stay home and don't ask her, she'll be terribly upset.
00:37:13Hurry up.
00:37:14Let's go.
00:37:14We'll be late.
00:37:17Coming!
00:37:24I'll open the champagne.
00:37:26We're out.
00:37:32Uh-oh.
00:37:38Uh-oh.
00:37:39Will you just keep on ringing all evening, Mr. Bess?
00:37:41I'll tell them I'm not taking any calls tonight.
00:37:43I don't trust you.
00:37:44Remember what happened last time old Mr. White was a Phinefus?
00:37:47All right.
00:37:48You answer it.
00:37:49Tell them I'm out.
00:37:50Because if they know definitely they can't get me, well, they'll call another nurse.
00:37:53Tell them yourself.
00:37:54You're a big girl now.
00:37:54You know how to say no.
00:37:56Go on.
00:37:57I want to see how much our anniversary means to you.
00:38:02Hello?
00:38:04Are we lucky?
00:38:06Saved by the bell.
00:38:10I'll get the chicken ready.
00:38:12I'll open the champagne.
00:38:13No, you make yourself comfortable.
00:38:14I'll take care of everything.
00:38:15Okay.
00:38:16I'll get shaved.
00:38:16I thought we weren't going out.
00:38:18We're not.
00:38:21Hey, hey, phone Louise and cancel our reservation, will you?
00:38:24All right.
00:38:29Hello?
00:38:31Yes, this is Mary.
00:38:34Oh, hello.
00:38:36No, not tonight.
00:38:38It's our anniversary.
00:38:40Oh, I'm terribly sorry to hear that.
00:38:46Well, I know, but couldn't you?
00:38:51Oh.
00:38:53Well, I'll be there in 15 minutes.
00:38:56Ken, listen.
00:38:56I won't be gone long.
00:38:57If you just let me explain.
00:38:58You've explained it now.
00:38:59Now I know how much our anniversary means to you.
00:39:02But this is serious.
00:39:02Show me the details.
00:39:03I've been hearing them for two years.
00:39:05I know all the answers by now.
00:39:06If you just let me explain.
00:39:07Why bother?
00:39:08Your patient's waiting.
00:39:09Oh.
00:39:11Who is it this time?
00:39:13An old man, 94 years old, dying of double blood pressure
00:39:16with a touch of fungus?
00:39:18Bad case, huh?
00:39:19No one else can save him, only Mary.
00:39:21Our Mary Whittaker always obeys the call of duty.
00:39:24Got it all wrong.
00:39:25My patient's not an old man.
00:39:27He's young and handsome.
00:39:29Divorced three times in regular playboy.
00:39:31He's not sick at all.
00:39:32He's crazy about registered nurses.
00:39:34Always gives them gold, things, and emeralds
00:39:37to the ones that he likes best.
00:39:38I've been waiting months for this call.
00:39:40Maybe that's not all kidding.
00:39:41What makes you think it is?
00:39:44And cook that chicken whenever you want to
00:39:45because I probably won't be back all night.
00:40:02Happy anniversary.
00:40:08Hello, son.
00:40:09Hello, mother.
00:40:11Isn't Mary here?
00:40:13No, she went out.
00:40:14Emergency call.
00:40:15On your anniversary.
00:40:18I thought you were going to have dinner in a restaurant.
00:40:21Want me to fix something for you?
00:40:23No, she'll be back in an hour.
00:40:24Better let me fix you a little supper.
00:40:26Remember the last emergency?
00:40:28What was it this time?
00:40:30I didn't ask.
00:40:32Couldn't be too much of an emergency for only an hour.
00:40:36Do you want a drink, mother?
00:40:38I thought you were saving this for some special occasion.
00:40:41Isn't this my anniversary?
00:40:43Perhaps I will have a little sip with you, son,
00:40:45to cheer you up.
00:40:47Here's to you, son.
00:40:48May the later years of your marriage be happier.
00:40:52We're doing all right now, mother.
00:40:55Did Max call again?
00:40:56I didn't know he called at all.
00:40:58Just before you came in,
00:40:59she didn't answer and he called me.
00:41:01He seems very anxious to get hold of her.
00:41:04Why didn't you tell her?
00:41:05You know Max, he usually gets what he wants.
00:41:08Is she ill again?
00:41:10I can't take Max's heart attacks too seriously.
00:41:13He always seems to recover so quickly.
00:41:16Oh, mother, you know he's got a bad heart.
00:41:18Oh, can't I have my opinion?
00:41:21She's with old Mr. White.
00:41:22He's 75.
00:41:23He's got high blood pressure.
00:41:24I thought you didn't know what the emergency was about.
00:41:27Then there's nothing for you to worry about.
00:41:28Who said I was worried?
00:41:30Well, don't shout at me, son.
00:41:31I'm not deaf.
00:41:32She's not with Max, mother.
00:41:33I know she isn't.
00:41:33Well, whoever said she was?
00:41:36Well, not in a very good mood, are you?
00:41:39I think I'll go up and eat my little dinner.
00:41:43Good night, dear.
00:41:47Good night, mother.
00:41:48Good night, sir.
00:42:19On a clear day, you can see Alcatraz.
00:42:21I know.
00:42:22You're just out for a breath of fresh air.
00:42:24Well, is there any law against it?
00:42:25Oh, no, no.
00:42:25Go right ahead.
00:42:29Well, if you see anything suspicious, let us know.
00:42:43What do you think he's up to?
00:42:45I don't know.
00:42:45Let's just mosey along and come back.
00:43:09I don't know.
00:43:16Come back.
00:43:22Good night, Mr. Barg.
00:43:23Good night. George.
00:43:24Yes, sir.
00:43:25Bring me a quarter of champagne.
00:43:27Two glasses, will you?
00:43:27Two glasses, sir?
00:43:29Yes.
00:43:29If you're expecting somebody, I can take another night off.
00:43:32It's all right, sir.
00:43:32You get the glasses, sir.
00:43:33Yes, sir.
00:43:34We can have them come here, will you?
00:43:35Yes, sir.
00:43:55Darling, the champagne's just coming up, dearest.
00:44:22That's right, George.
00:44:23Put the two glasses down there, will you?
00:44:27George, take the night off.
00:44:29Yes, sir.
00:44:30And don't hurry back in the morning.
00:44:31Yes, sir.
00:44:37George, remember I spent the evening alone.
00:44:41Darling, will you come down for the champagne or shall I bring it up to you, hmm?
00:44:46Hmm?
00:44:50What did you say?
00:45:00Let's go.
00:45:02Darling, I think you'll love this champagne.
00:45:04Les Brutes La Fontaine, 1928.
00:45:06I only give it to my favorite.
00:45:09Oh, must be those hoodlums again.
00:45:10Sorry, sir.
00:45:15I don't want to alarm you, sir, but there's a burglar in the house.
00:45:17A burglar?
00:45:18In the house?
00:45:18We saw him enter from your terrace.
00:45:20Better let me go ahead.
00:45:21Be careful.
00:45:21I'll see.
00:45:22Might be dangerous.
00:45:23Wherever you are, come out.
00:45:24We've got you covered.
00:45:25I want this house searched.
00:45:27You what?
00:45:28Say where you are.
00:45:29Keep him covered, officer.
00:45:29Looks a desperate character.
00:45:30Where do you think you're going?
00:45:32I'm going to look around upstairs.
00:45:33Don't you like it down here?
00:45:34He can explain everything.
00:45:35Me?
00:45:36The judge would rather hear it from you.
00:45:37Come on.
00:45:37Let's be fair, officer.
00:45:39I'd like to hear what he's going to say for himself.
00:45:40We caught him red-handed.
00:45:41Illegal entry.
00:45:42I was only looking.
00:45:44Oh, a peeping Tom, huh?
00:45:46He could get 10 years for that alone, couldn't he, officer?
00:45:48At least.
00:45:49Don't let him kid you.
00:45:49He's my cousin.
00:45:50I've never seen eyes on the fellow before in my life.
00:45:53Why, you!
00:45:54McCarthy!
00:45:55Surround him!
00:45:55Come on, let's go.
00:46:04Come on.
00:46:06There too is a gas chamber.
00:46:07Someone's gone bail for you.
00:46:09Oh, nice.
00:46:17Ken.
00:46:18Oh, it was you.
00:46:19Thanks for nothing.
00:46:20Don't thank me.
00:46:25Hey, you can't go back.
00:46:26You got bail.
00:46:27I don't want any bail.
00:46:28Fire, please.
00:46:30Ken, please don't make a worse fool of yourself.
00:46:32Come on.
00:46:38Excuse me, sir, haven't you forgotten something?
00:46:41If it had been up to me, I'd have kept you in there for three or four years.
00:46:43I didn't ask you to bail me out.
00:46:44No, but she did.
00:46:45Some joke.
00:46:46Suppose I gave you both a big laugh.
00:46:47Ken, please.
00:46:48The next time you visit me, Kenneth, come in by the front door.
00:46:51It looks better to the police.
00:46:55Aren't you ashamed of yourself?
00:46:56Never mind me.
00:46:57Suppose you start explaining, and it better be good.
00:46:59I'm not going to tell you anything.
00:47:00Where did you go tonight?
00:47:01I started to tell you once, and you wouldn't listen.
00:47:04Now I'm never going to tell you.
00:47:05Either you trust me or we're quitting right now.
00:47:08Which, Ken?
00:47:11Come on home.
00:47:21Joe.
00:47:24What are you going to do?
00:47:25I'm going to take your advice.
00:47:27There's a time when a man's got to be a man.
00:47:36Hello, son.
00:47:37Hi, honey.
00:47:38What happened down at Werterman's office?
00:47:40Was it the will?
00:47:40Mother, would you mind leaving us alone for a few minutes?
00:47:42Mary and I have something to talk about.
00:47:44Couldn't it wait, honey?
00:47:45I've got to hurry.
00:47:46It's old Mr. White.
00:47:46He asked for it.
00:47:47You're not going anywhere.
00:47:48Now, you stay out of this.
00:47:50What's the matter, darling?
00:47:51I once asked you to explain something.
00:47:53You refused.
00:47:54Well, now I know.
00:47:57We'd better talk about it when I get back.
00:47:59What?
00:47:59Get him off that door.
00:48:00You're not coming back.
00:48:01Make up your mind.
00:48:03I'll send for my things tomorrow.
00:48:13You're not alone, son.
00:48:15You still have mother.
00:48:37There.
00:48:42Hi.
00:48:45Audacious King.
00:48:47Audacious King.
00:48:48What's eaten you?
00:48:49I got 20 bucks on Audacious King.
00:48:51Max told me to watch that nag, rest his soul.
00:48:55Well, you've got to get your tips now, Max is gone.
00:48:56How am I going to miss that guy?
00:48:59Look at you.
00:49:00Look at some show for the neighbors.
00:49:02What's wrong?
00:49:03I'm just getting a little suntan.
00:49:05Can't you wear a sun suit?
00:49:06You've got plenty of dough to spend.
00:49:07Charge accounts in all the stores.
00:49:09I've got three sun suits.
00:49:10I'm just too lazy to put one on.
00:49:12Dames, give me the sheet.
00:49:13No.
00:49:14If I had on the sun suit, you'd tell me I was getting fat again.
00:49:17So why bother?
00:49:19Remember what you looked like last year?
00:49:21Have a piece.
00:49:22It'll sweeten your disposition.
00:49:24Okay.
00:49:24Get fat.
00:49:25See if I care.
00:49:26You care, all right.
00:49:28You'd like a streamlined model to brag about.
00:49:31I don't know what's getting into you lately.
00:49:32You just have such a sense of humor.
00:49:34Which do you want, McCabe?
00:49:35A sense of humor or a glamour girl?
00:49:37I happen to like candy.
00:49:40Yeah, and I like beer and sodas and mashed potatoes.
00:49:43We work hard for our dough.
00:49:45What's the good of it if you can't enjoy life?
00:49:48I can enjoy life without going in training for the fat lady in a side show.
00:49:51You're awful crabby today.
00:49:53What'd you have for lunch?
00:49:54I'm crabby.
00:49:55How about you?
00:49:56I come home with a hand of your laugh.
00:49:57Something a word of it gave me.
00:49:58Want to get from you?
00:50:00A caramel.
00:50:19Well, what was the big laugh?
00:50:21Well, what was the big laugh?
00:50:30All right, so don't tell me.
00:50:39What do you want to know what Wordman gave me?
00:50:40I don't care if he gave you a black eye.
00:50:44You're the one that got the black eye.
00:50:46From Wordman?
00:50:47He's not the type that'd make cracks about a lady.
00:50:49A gentleman, huh?
00:50:51Like your friend Max.
00:50:52You should be such a gentleman, McCabe.
00:50:55No gentleman will pull a gag like this.
00:50:57Don't speak ill of the dead on the day of the funeral.
00:51:00What's the gag?
00:51:17What's so funny?
00:51:21Most husbands would be sore if someone said this about their wives.
00:51:24Sure.
00:51:26I would, too.
00:51:27If I believed it.
00:51:29You're awful sure it's a gag.
00:51:31I got a nose for it.
00:51:32I can smell a gag 10 miles away.
00:51:34You might be surprised, McCabe.
00:51:37You mean you were Max?
00:51:38Eh, don't try to kid me.
00:51:40Oh, I didn't have class enough, huh?
00:51:43Well, I'm not saying anything against you, but I'm a man.
00:51:45I know what men go for.
00:51:47Eskimos go for blubber.
00:51:49He was no Eskimo.
00:51:52A glass of beer or romance, Max would have only the best.
00:51:56That's why he picked you for a friend, I suppose.
00:51:58Well, didn't he?
00:51:59From the very first moment we met, we were just like that.
00:52:02Sure, at the stables.
00:52:03Oh, you were all right for a judge of horse flash or a few laughs.
00:52:07How do you like?
00:52:09How do you like that?
00:52:10I was over at his place all the time.
00:52:12A poker game.
00:52:13But did he ever ask you to dinner or come to see us
00:52:16or invite you to his party till he met me?
00:52:20I'm not a woman.
00:52:22I don't remember things like that.
00:52:24Well, jog your memory.
00:52:28You remember all right.
00:52:31Hmm?
00:52:33Me and Max?
00:52:35You remember.
00:52:38Think back.
00:52:41That's the work.
00:52:42It's Glammer Boy.
00:52:43Buy a three-four to the lake.
00:52:44Five-time second.
00:52:45Just a biscuit after the loo.
00:52:47Glammer Boy!
00:52:48Come on, Glammer Boy!
00:52:50Come on!
00:52:51Yay!
00:52:52Look at him into the my log in front.
00:52:54Come on, boy.
00:52:55Keep going.
00:52:56That's the rest of it.
00:52:57It's Glammer Boy.
00:52:58That's the best of my length of the half.
00:52:59Five-time third to the rail.
00:53:01I got 50 bucks on Glammer Boy.
00:53:03Come on, boy.
00:53:04Show him your tail.
00:53:05Shut up and sit down, will you?
00:53:06When you're in a box short, act like it.
00:53:07Listen, for my 50 bucks, I got a right to yell.
00:53:10Come on.
00:53:10Keep going.
00:53:11Most of these people have 50 times 50 better than a horse.
00:53:13See them jumping up and yelling?
00:53:14All right.
00:53:25Yes.
00:53:33Glammer Boy.
00:53:35Close the door.
00:53:45The President of Amalgamated Associates is looking at you.
00:53:48What am I supposed to do, drop dead because Associated Amalgamated looks at me?
00:53:52Amalgamated Associated.
00:53:53You see, Amalgamated Industries is associated with Amalgamated.
00:53:55No, Associated Amalgamated.
00:53:57He's one of our best customers.
00:53:58Smile for Pete's sake.
00:54:06I'll bet you 50 bucks those two zombies are after some dough.
00:54:09Don't point.
00:54:10With you, it's always dough.
00:54:11He does a lot of charity work.
00:54:12Probably members of the committee.
00:54:13You could join one of them.
00:54:14Not me.
00:54:14My mother was scared by a committee.
00:54:19Max Bard's here.
00:54:20Put it back on your head.
00:54:21I can't see with an arm.
00:54:22For $80, it don't make no difference whether you can see or not.
00:54:24What will people think?
00:54:25They come to see the horses, not look at me.
00:54:28What are you going to bet on?
00:54:29Thunder Forth or be yourself?
00:54:30That must be Evan's wife.
00:54:31The long-legged type.
00:54:32Some class.
00:54:33Too thin.
00:54:38Put it back on.
00:54:39He's looking at you.
00:54:41What did he ever do that's so special?
00:54:43Besides taking your money at poker.
00:54:45The one thing he owns, Glamour Boy.
00:54:47Glamour Boy.
00:54:47If that's high society, excuse me.
00:54:50Where are you going?
00:54:51Get a hot dog.
00:54:52If you're hungry, why don't you go to the clubhouse?
00:54:53Get a club sandwich.
00:54:54I feel like a hot dog.
00:54:56Where do you think you are?
00:54:56Seal Beach?
00:54:57Was it so bad there?
00:54:59You'll get me crazy sometimes.
00:55:00We work hard all our lives.
00:55:01We finally meet some classy people.
00:55:02What do you do?
00:55:02Eat hot dogs.
00:55:04Listen, McCabe.
00:55:05I started out in life selling popcorn.
00:55:07And if my luck don't improve today, it looks like I'll wind up that way too.
00:55:11Uh-uh.
00:55:12Associated amalgamated is calling you.
00:55:17One dog without one coke here.
00:55:20I'm telling you, lady, it's Thunder Forks.
00:55:22Look at the odds.
00:55:23I know.
00:55:23It's not my place to pass an opinion, madam, but I've worked the whole thing out mathematically
00:55:27and the odds are right.
00:55:28I don't know.
00:55:29That Thunder Forks just don't appeal to me.
00:55:31You got a better choice?
00:55:32I got a feeling about Be Yourself.
00:55:34A sticky feeling?
00:55:35Like he was close to the glue factory?
00:55:37That's Be Yourself.
00:55:38Take my word for it, madam.
00:55:40Be Yourself is a fool's gamble.
00:55:41Mathematics never fail.
00:55:43Yeah?
00:55:43How many races did you win?
00:55:45Cleaned up $432 this season.
00:55:47On paper?
00:55:48I'm telling you, only the Schnucks are putting their dough on Be Yourself.
00:55:50He ain't got a glimmer.
00:55:52Forgive me for butting in, sir, but you know that's only one man's opinion.
00:55:54Your dog, madam, without.
00:55:56Thanks.
00:55:57Okay, Jack.
00:55:57Do you want to join the Schnucks?
00:55:59The Schnucks, well, it sounds an admirable organization to me, but I'm afraid I only join
00:56:02clubs when they become wildly unpopular.
00:56:04I'm sorry.
00:56:05My money's on Be Yourself.
00:56:06Don't take any tips from him.
00:56:08He owns Glamour Boy.
00:56:09I bought Glamour Boy on the advice of one of the greatest horse racing experts in this country.
00:56:13Which one?
00:56:14Your old man.
00:56:17Ask his advice about women sometime.
00:56:19He's an expert on that, too.
00:56:20If I notice.
00:56:21I don't blame him for keeping this fellow a secret, do you?
00:56:24Say, I think I'm going to like you.
00:56:26Same here.
00:56:27Be yourself, huh?
00:56:28Always.
00:56:29It's going to cost you money, lady.
00:56:30I'm warning you.
00:56:31So you're Max Barr.
00:56:33And you're Lucille McCain.
00:56:34How do you do?
00:56:35How do you do?
00:56:35Send it now, but I think we're being followed.
00:56:37Just protecting the lady's interest, Bert.
00:56:39You've got exactly 45 seconds left to get your money down on the right horse.
00:56:42And we can place it for you.
00:56:43Thank you for reminding me.
00:56:44I'll put five on the nose for you.
00:56:45Why bother with the machines, Jack?
00:56:47I'm mechanically minded.
00:56:48That for me ain't going to put any bets down for you, lady.
00:56:50That's his racket.
00:56:51Why don't you give him the brush?
00:56:52Well, you happen to know the bonafide owner of Glamour Boy.
00:56:54Yeah, and it ain't him.
00:56:55Now, if you want to listen to him.
00:56:56Oh, there you are.
00:56:57I've been looking everywhere for you.
00:56:58Just a minute, Jack.
00:56:59This lady and I was talking.
00:57:01You happen to know this lady?
00:57:03Yeah.
00:57:04To you?
00:57:05Slightly.
00:57:05She's my wife.
00:57:06Oh, hello.
00:57:09The odds are that he will be surprised.
00:57:12Look, how's that good enough for you, huh?
00:57:13I'll leave you alone for a minute.
00:57:14What do you do?
00:57:15Associate with Plotsam and Jetson.
00:57:16How did you know their names?
00:57:18How did I...
00:57:18Those two gentlemen happen to be friends of mine.
00:57:20Oh, I see.
00:57:21The kind of characters you'd expect in an environment like...
00:57:23Hey, Max.
00:57:24Dan.
00:57:24What are you doing here?
00:57:25Hey, I want you to meet my wife.
00:57:27They always wanted to get you two together.
00:57:29Be yourself.
00:57:30Be yourself?
00:57:31What are you doing?
00:57:32No, Paul!
00:57:33How can you beat them?
00:57:34I see you two are mad.
00:57:35Yes, we ran into each other at the hot dog counter.
00:57:37Would you like a pint?
00:57:38No, I...
00:57:38I gotta be going soon.
00:57:40You had something back with me.
00:57:40Oh.
00:57:41Oh, don't change it.
00:57:42Couldn't look nice than it does now.
00:57:44I got bad news for you, Lucille.
00:57:46I can't drive you home.
00:57:47What's bad news about that, the way you drive?
00:57:49What happened?
00:57:50Associated Amalgamated needs a free ride?
00:57:52One of my associates, Jonathan Rimm, on the way over to Oakland, he wants to talk over
00:57:56a deal.
00:57:56Jonathan Rimm, we all know him.
00:57:58Why don't let me take you home?
00:57:59I drive even worse than your husband.
00:58:01You couldn't, but you got a deal.
00:58:02You don't have to bother.
00:58:03She can take a cab.
00:58:04She's found her way home before.
00:58:05Have you been to Town Street for dinner?
00:58:07I certainly am.
00:58:08Good.
00:58:09See you later.
00:58:10Do you mind?
00:58:10Oh, no.
00:58:11No.
00:58:12Your wife, huh?
00:58:14I suppose you own two horses.
00:58:16Thanks.
00:58:25Did I wake you, honey?
00:58:27A fine time for a decent woman to be getting in.
00:58:30I thought you'd been killed or something.
00:58:32I wasn't killed.
00:58:33Where have you been?
00:58:34Having fun.
00:58:35Fun, huh?
00:58:36That Max, he's great.
00:58:38He is so funny, that guy.
00:58:41You want to know what he told me?
00:58:43Yeah, why?
00:58:44Come on to bed, I'm tired.
00:58:51You want to hear my story?
00:58:57We used to have so much fun together, you and me.
00:59:00Remember?
00:59:06What's the idea of getting me all worried, huh?
00:59:09Were you worried, kid?
00:59:12Were you worried?
00:59:18Isn't he cute?
00:59:20Max bought him for me.
00:59:22Says he looks just like you.
00:59:23No.
00:59:27Hurry up, will ya?
00:59:29Don't wait for me.
00:59:30Why not?
00:59:33Oh, that's how you're wasting your time, huh?
00:59:36You used to yell at me because I dressed so fast.
00:59:39Now I waste time.
00:59:40How do you like the outfit?
00:59:42You're okay.
00:59:42Come on.
00:59:43I hope it's classy enough for you.
00:59:45Max picked it out.
00:59:46What are you putting that stuff on for?
00:59:48You like it?
00:59:49I suppose Max picked that out too, huh?
00:59:51His favorite.
00:59:52What taste he's got.
00:59:53Come on.
00:59:54When we're gone, nobody will smell you.
00:59:55Why not?
00:59:56It's obvious.
00:59:57Where do you think I'm going?
00:59:59To the stable.
00:59:59Biddy's waiting to be fed.
01:00:00Go on, feed her then.
01:00:02You mean you're not coming?
01:00:04Not today.
01:00:05I got something more important.
01:00:06More important than your own horse?
01:00:08Forget it.
01:00:09You're calm with me.
01:00:10I can't, possibly.
01:00:11What is it so important?
01:00:13I got a committee meeting.
01:00:15I never thought I'd live to see the day when you ditch your own horse for a bunch of female
01:00:18zombies.
01:00:20You ain't putting on that perfume for them.
01:00:22You want your wife to go out with society people smelling of stables?
01:00:27Well, why don't you get going?
01:00:28You weren't in such a hurry.
01:00:30I'll take you wherever you're going.
01:00:32You needn't bother.
01:00:33I'm getting picked up.
01:00:34By who?
01:00:35By whom?
01:00:36By who?
01:00:36The chairman of the committee.
01:00:47What are you waiting for?
01:00:48I thought your poor horse was starving.
01:00:50What's worrying you?
01:00:51One of the zombies might see you with the lower classes?
01:00:53Don't answer that.
01:00:53Here comes the chairman.
01:01:04Must be two other zombies.
01:01:07Hi, Max.
01:01:08Taxi, ma'am.
01:01:10I thought you'd never get here.
01:01:12Oh, darling, am I late?
01:01:12I'm so sorry.
01:01:14Hello, Tan.
01:01:15I wasn't expecting to see you.
01:01:16I thought you were going to a committee meeting.
01:01:18Well, she is.
01:01:19I'm the chairman.
01:01:21Did you tell him?
01:01:22What don't I know?
01:01:23It's going to be one of those long meetings, too.
01:01:24You know what it is.
01:01:25Passing resolutions.
01:01:27Seconding motions.
01:01:28Votes of thanks.
01:01:28Yak, yak, yak.
01:01:29And I'm afraid that this ravishing creature...
01:01:31She may not be home for dinner tonight.
01:01:33Hope you don't mind.
01:01:34Oh, no.
01:01:35That won't bother him.
01:01:36He'd rather be with his horse.
01:01:37Sure.
01:01:38With his horse.
01:01:40What's that?
01:01:41French.
01:01:41Every man to his taste.
01:01:43Shut the door, old thing, will you?
01:01:45Well, Lord.
01:01:46Merci, mon petit.
01:01:47Au revoir.
01:01:49Au revoir.
01:01:50Merci.
01:01:54French.
01:01:56Il pleuvra demain, mon oncle et moi, nous n'irons pas aux courses.
01:02:01It will rain tomorrow.
01:02:02My uncle and I cannot go to the races.
01:02:05Right.
01:02:06Le gratte-ciel a trente-six étages.
01:02:09Gratte-ciel.
01:02:10Oh, the skyscraper has 36 stories.
01:02:12Right.
01:02:13Mon marido, il a bu trop de bière.
01:02:16My husband's sleeping.
01:02:18He's had too much beer.
01:02:19Right.
01:02:20100% perfect.
01:02:21Get that McCabe.
01:02:21I talk French.
01:02:22Okay, only be careful what you say around the kids.
01:02:24What's that?
01:02:24Who cares?
01:02:25Je suis en français.
01:02:27Perfect.
01:02:28Get that McCabe.
01:02:29Je suis en français.
01:02:30Yeah, je suis cheese.
01:02:31Leave me alone.
01:02:31I'm now going to demonstrate a very famous continental custom.
01:02:34Very elegant.
01:02:35Watch me.
01:02:38One continental custom coming up.
01:02:41Oh, wrong continent.
01:02:43Oh, look, Dan.
01:02:47What?
01:02:47Oh, the Oakland Ferry.
01:02:49The what?
01:02:50Well, don't you remember?
01:02:51Yeah, I remember.
01:02:52May 10, 1938.
01:02:53What happened then?
01:02:54We spent our honeymoon on that.
01:02:56Riding back and forth on the poor man's Atlantic.
01:03:00Why don't you go to a few more people, huh?
01:03:02Get a megaphone.
01:03:03Broadcast on the radio.
01:03:04We're all young ones, Dan.
01:03:05Oh, was this one ever young?
01:03:07Full of beans.
01:03:08He was always going to take me traveling to Europe and places.
01:03:11You ain't done so bad.
01:03:12Yeah, but I always wanted to see the world.
01:03:14The world got the California.
01:03:15Come on, let's go home.
01:03:16No, I'm going to get you another beer.
01:03:17Sit down.
01:03:17No, I don't want the milk.
01:03:18Go get it.
01:03:19I'll drink it if he doesn't.
01:03:20Do we always have to hang around here until the rooster crows?
01:03:23We got a home.
01:03:24Oh, don't be a big cow.
01:03:26Okay, I'm a big cow.
01:03:27But at the 3 a.m., I can't give milk.
01:03:30I'm tired.
01:03:31That's what you always say, just when I'm having fun.
01:03:33I get up early and I work for a living.
01:03:36So do a billion other people.
01:03:37They don't complain.
01:03:38They do, but you don't hear them.
01:03:39You're too busy running around the committees, learning French, buying new dresses.
01:03:43I thought that was the kind of wife you wanted, McCabe.
01:03:47Oh, you're just in time.
01:03:48I was getting thirsty from arguing with him.
01:03:50Danny boy, there's one rule in this house, no arguing.
01:03:52One beer coming up.
01:03:53I ain't thirsty.
01:03:54Oh, make it a nice, Captain.
01:03:56Okay, I'm a sport.
01:03:58Here's to you, Mac.
01:03:59Here's to us.
01:04:00Here's to us.
01:04:01To fun, frolic, and jollity.
01:04:02Mmm.
01:04:03Honestly, we've had more darn fun this last year, haven't we, Dan?
01:04:06Thanks to a certain party.
01:04:07Now's a laugh to me.
01:04:08Well, I hope.
01:04:09Remember the night I cooked the goose?
01:04:10See you, Pete.
01:04:12You know what, Scott, boys?
01:04:14Remember the Italian restaurant?
01:04:16Yeah, but how about the rubberneck puffs?
01:04:18The mucocurus?
01:04:19I gotta thank you, pal.
01:04:21You've been a real foul, pal.
01:04:22I gotta thank you for that.
01:04:23I gotta thank you for that.
01:04:24I gotta thank you for teaching my wife how to talk first.
01:04:26I gotta thank you.
01:04:27No, I gotta thank you.
01:04:29No, I gotta thank you.
01:04:30I gotta thank you for being the biggest sport that ever drew breath.
01:04:34Yes, he is.
01:04:36What have I gotta thank you for?
01:04:37Honestly, you've been...
01:04:40I can't tell you what you mean, darling.
01:04:43I don't know.
01:04:44What's the matter, honey?
01:04:45He's crying.
01:04:46Oh, don't cry, honey.
01:04:48Poor chap.
01:04:50Poor chap.
01:04:51Poor chap.
01:04:51Poor chap.
01:04:52Poor chap.
01:04:52He just couldn't understand.
01:04:54The husband loved his little wife.
01:04:56She ran off with a draper.
01:04:59She didn't know how far she'd go to read it in the paper.
01:05:03Where are you kept, Max, huh?
01:05:05Poor chap.
01:05:06Poor chap.
01:05:07Poor chap.
01:05:07He just couldn't understand.
01:05:09He was left with the paper.
01:05:11The mean, wicked paper.
01:05:12He was left with the paper in his hand.
01:05:14Whoo!
01:05:14He was left with the paper in his hand.
01:05:19Whoo!
01:05:24He was left with the paper in his hand.
01:05:28The paper in his hand.
01:05:32sucker
01:05:33you remember all right well ain't that great my wife after all i've done for you
01:05:40what were you when i met you selling popcorn for a living and i didn't quit when we were married
01:05:45remember dan you didn't have a cent now look at you real diamonds french perfume eighty dollar
01:05:50hats what do you do with them carry dogs in them and do you thank me for it do you
01:05:54i thank you to
01:05:55quit yelling something to be a sucker not saying anything about it huh rise above it be a nice
01:06:00fellow dan have you heard what they're saying about dan mccabe a letter like this most wives
01:06:07will take a thing like this seriously so would most husbands i do i do what do you think honey
01:06:13guard au bois and please the neighbors shut up you i'm still the man in this house and you'll be
01:06:20the
01:06:20wife the way i see it or else you'll get out do i hear correctly you sure do there are
01:06:28some things
01:06:28no man will stand for not if he's a man some things no woman will stand for either maybe you
01:06:33forget this
01:06:33is my home too it is huh yeah and i'll fight for it to the last toothpick okay so it's
01:06:41a fight
01:06:43you'll see left with a paper in his hand huh not dan mccabe hey where are you going stupid
01:06:51to see a smart lawyer
01:06:58you can send this over now all right good morning i'm mrs evans i received a telegram oh yes mrs
01:07:05evans
01:07:06isn't mr evans with you uh he'll be along later i hope the telegram specifically asked for both of
01:07:11you mr worderman will be upset aren't we all good morning mary why are you yes i'm glad we finally
01:07:22reached you we couldn't get you at home i wasn't there is your husband coming did you tell his mother
01:07:27oh yes he's coming well good morning all good morning mrs mccabe morning where's mr mccabe i thought
01:07:37you might know i don't well at least you ladies are here on time mr worderman will appreciate that
01:07:42promptness is one of his standards he'll be a few minutes late will you step this way please
01:07:53a committee meeting huh i wonder what's cooking i don't know but apparently our husbands are expected
01:07:59to oh no no kidding lucille don't you know where dan is i thought i was sent for to talk
01:08:03over the case
01:08:04of mccabe versus mccabe what a divorce you two both of them so suddenly last night about 10 o'clock
01:08:14that big ape calls the butler and says to pack his things not just his pajamas and toothbrush all
01:08:19his things and bring them someplace didn't you ask the butler where i got tried but i wish i'd had
01:08:25him followed then this morning i get word of menswire i should be here you having trouble too i let
01:08:32him
01:08:33it just couldn't be a coincidence no it certainly wasn't we've been in training for it a long time
01:08:38now no no i mean all three of them not arthur too arthur too well at least you know where
01:08:46he is
01:08:46i certainly do snoring on the living room couch he didn't come in till 4 a.m this morning after
01:08:52making
01:08:53the most incredible accusations he dashed out of the house and i i found him asleep in the couch this
01:08:58morning i left the telegram on his chest like a lily i wonder what's got into the mold i don't
01:09:05know what's
01:09:05meeting your boys but dan got a letter a letter word of and gave it to him kenneth saw a
01:09:11word of
01:09:11them yesterday too do you know what was in the letter oh nothing much your boys couldn't have got
01:09:18the same news it was about me and max max and you you and max in love yeah what's so
01:09:29impossible about that
01:09:30yes you you and my husband both oh that's what arthur was so upset about arthur suspected you oh
01:09:40then why not a symphony concert well of course you would feel that way about it but afterwards we had
01:09:46tea
01:09:47together we had tea together we certainly did but at his house was always his man's day off oh yeah
01:09:54you're both bragging how would you know yeah a kid like you took care of him through four heart
01:10:01attacks i was with him day and uh night when a man's as sick as that he's not interested in
01:10:07women
01:10:08he always kept me on through convalescence
01:10:14that max good morning good morning girls hi good morning i'm sorry to be late but i was late in
01:10:22conference the uh divorce case i believe the others are here won't you uh come into the library
01:10:55and the bequests for the aforementioned organizations and institutions to be
01:10:59distributed in the manner provided for in paragraph 12 of this last will and testament
01:11:04i think you'll find that what follows will interest you more to matilda clegg for the development of her
01:11:12unique talents tuition for two years and living expenses provided the beneficiary studies and takes
01:11:19up residence in paris france
01:11:23and to my cousin jenny bard whitaker our grandfather's house and property in columbus ohio
01:11:30providing she takes up immediate residence there well it contains only two more clauses i'll leave the
01:11:35first clause first naturally
01:11:40the remainder of my estate is to be righted equally among my dearly beloved friends jane evans
01:11:46mary whitaker and lucille mccabe
01:11:51the dead man but it's not right they were nothing to him we are the next of kin to his
01:11:57will mother oh
01:11:59you ought to be angry you were cheated
01:12:02i'm so high if he thinks i intend to return we are going to fight this to the end son
01:12:08don't worry
01:12:10i won't take the money don't be crazy mary max meant you to have it i'm rich mccabe
01:12:18please please now if you'll allow me i'll continue
01:12:22in making these requests i am expressing my belief that women are better wise if they are not dependent
01:12:27on the peccadilloes
01:12:31the weaknesses
01:12:35the whims and pretensions of their husbands there are no provisions or restrictions attached to these
01:12:44requests the legacies may be used as the beneficiaries see fit either to enhance their
01:12:48marriages or to make themselves independent of financial restraint to my friends arthur evans
01:12:56kenneth whitaker and daniel j mccabe
01:12:58i solemnly bequeath the good news that the confidential letters delivered to them yesterday
01:13:03were written for the best purpose of causing them grief and disturbance
01:13:06so that they reconsider the charms and virtues of their respective wives better to appreciate them
01:13:12and the additional information that said letters being intentional fabrications
01:13:17are false deceitful and untrue
01:13:23that's all thank you i think it was all it's the most ridiculous one i've ever heard in my life
01:13:27it's not going to be the end i assure you i assure you
01:13:34i want to talk to you ed oh i'm sorry my wife's waiting for you i only want to ask
01:13:38you one
01:13:38question that divorce complaint you talked about before is it dan mccabe no your husband is not my
01:13:43client then i am hey james oh arthur i'm so glad i caught you i must talk to you couldn't
01:13:50we talk about
01:13:51what i'm about to say will affect the course of our entire lives i've got to talk to you oh
01:13:56let me go
01:13:57you don't have to act like an heiress so soon i don't want the money then at least you can
01:14:02listen
01:14:03to me hey hey hey what's the idea of changing the lock on me i couldn't get in that your
01:14:11idea of a
01:14:11gag or something i didn't want you in my house your house huh okay get technical i suppose that's
01:14:17the advice of your lawyer i'm filing a countersuit i'm the one that's got the grounds not so loud
01:14:22mccabe what will people think let me tell you what i think well now i hope you'll understand why
01:14:28i've arrived at this tragic decision i couldn't come between a man and his children and his wife
01:14:34no time will heal our wounds dear if that's the way you want it we must face it bravely this
01:14:41is
01:14:41good-bye good-bye good-bye
01:14:50arthur jane now that the economic barrier is removed i feel it's only fair that you should have your
01:14:54freedom i'll see my lawyer in the morning if that's the way you want it jane
01:15:01uh there's just one thing i'd like cleared out before i go ahead
01:15:04you believed that letter of max's didn't you no not for a minute don't lie you called me a jezebel
01:15:09why all right i did i believed it i was jealous you were oh thank you darling that's wonderful
01:15:27oh darling you don't have to be jealous of any man before we met or or since we're married or
01:15:34ever
01:15:41i have nothing didn't you tell me that it was true you confessed it of your own free will didn't
01:15:45you well didn't you you must be slipping mccabe i thought you could spot a gag a mile off that
01:15:50it
01:15:50was a gag you and him made it up just to fool me huh honey swaki molly pong what's that
01:15:55french
01:15:55what's it mean you'll have to wait and ask max if i were a lawyer i'd get rid of my
01:16:06clients rather
01:16:07than keep my wife waiting is it be yes wait a minute i want you to tell me something truthfully
01:16:14how well
01:16:45did you know max
01:16:51THE END
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