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She spent the morning of her eighteenth birthday getting ready and sitting alone on the couch. Her mother rushed out for her sister’s dance practice, and her father left to play ball with her brother. By seven o'clock, they brought home everyone’s favorite food except hers. Standing in a room full of people who ignored her existence, she made her ultimate decision.
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She spent the morning of her eighteenth birthday getting ready and sitting alone on the couch. Her mother rushed out for her sister’s dance practice, and her father left to play ball with her brother. By seven o'clock, they brought home everyone’s favorite food except hers. Standing in a room full of people who ignored her existence, she made her ultimate decision.
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00:00:04This family celebrates everyone's birthday, everyone's but mine, because my parents only
00:00:10love my twin siblings, Ethan and Chloe. They don't love me. When Ethan wants a birthday
00:00:15party, my parents book a private room at his favorite steakhouse a month in advance. When
00:00:21it's Chloe's turn and she wants to go to Six Flags, the whole family goes. Mom even posts
00:00:26nine photos on Instagram, but on my birthday, this house always treats it like any other
00:00:31day. I thought turning 18 would be different. That morning, I got up early on purpose, put
00:00:37on light makeup, and sat on the living room couch to wait. Mom walked past me on her way
00:00:43out, carrying Chloe's dance bag. Heat up your own lunch. I'm taking Chloe to her intensive
00:00:48class. Dad was watering tomatoes in the backyard. Ethan called him to go play basketball at the
00:00:55park, and the two of them left soon after. At noon, I was the only one left in the house.
00:01:01I sent a message in the family group chat. I'm 18 today. No one replied. At seven that
00:01:08night, everybody came home. No one sang. No one felt like anything was missing. I was 18
00:01:15now. At last, I could decide for myself where I wanted to go. Mallory, delete that message
00:01:21from the group chat. I almost missed Grandpa's voice message. Ethan didn't even look up. He
00:01:28tapped the edge of his plate lightly with his dinner knife, signaling Mom to give him more
00:01:34ribs. I looked down at my phone. The message in the family chat, I'm 18 today, was still
00:01:41sitting there. No one had replied. Mom came over with a plate of garlic bread and set it
00:01:48in the middle of the table. All right. No phones at dinner. I looked at the food on the
00:01:56table. Ethan liked ribs. Chloe liked mac and cheese. Mom had made the salad for herself.
00:02:03Not a single dish was for me. I liked seafood. Grilled salmon was my favorite. I had said it
00:02:10so many times. No one in this family remembered. Dad, today... Dad set down his iced tea and glanced
00:02:20at me. The next second, he turned back to Ethan. How's your wrist from basketball this afternoon?
00:02:26Does the sprain still hurt? It's okay. Shoot. It aches a little when I shoot. I'll take you to a
00:02:32sports therapist tomorrow. My words died in midair. I finished dinner quietly and went to wash
00:02:38the dishes. I turned the faucet on high. From the living room came the sound of Chloe practicing
00:02:46ballet basics, her toes landing against the floor one by one. Mom counted beats beside
00:02:51her. Ethan was playing Xbox in his room, shouting every few minutes. Dad was on the couch with
00:02:56his iPad. Everyone in this house had something of their own. Everyone had someone answering them.
00:03:03Except me. I stood in the kitchen, washing platelets and cups for five people. The water
00:03:11was loud. Loud enough that even if I cried, no one would hear. After the dishes, I went back
00:03:17to my room and shut the door. My phone lit up. It was a message in the class group chat.
00:03:22It
00:03:22was the only happy birthday I had received all day from a classmate I had known for less than
00:03:26a year. I replied, thank you. Then I opened my photo album and kept scrolling back. After
00:03:31I turned six, mom's camera had almost completely turned toward them. Most of the photos were
00:03:36of them. I scrolled for a long time before I finally found one. It was from when I was nine
00:03:41and had entered the school speech contest. Mom had taken it from the audience. The photo
00:03:46was blurry. Only half my body was in it because the other half of the frame was Chloe in the
00:03:52front
00:03:52row, turning back toward the camera with a bright smile. I stood off stage in front
00:03:58of the microphone, my face barely visible. The phone screen dimmed, and my face appeared
00:04:04in the black reflection. 18-year-old Mallory Hayes had spent the whole morning putting on
00:04:09makeup, waited all day, and still hadn't gotten a single happy birthday. Mom's voice came from
00:04:15outside the door. Mallory, wake your sister at seven tomorrow morning. She has training at 8.30.
00:04:25Okay.
00:04:28Hey, sis. It's seven.
00:04:30Chloe had woken up on her own. She stood in my doorway in a pink leotard, her hair half-tied.
00:04:36I checked my phone. 6.53. My alarm hadn't even gone off.
00:04:41You got up by yourself? Yeah. I set an alarm. Mom told you to wake me, but I was afraid
00:04:48you
00:04:48didn't sleep well last night. She said it so casually, but the words still stung. She knew
00:04:54I hadn't slept well last night. I'll help you tie your hair. No, it's fine. I can do it.
00:05:03She turned and left. Chloe had always been like that with me. She wasn't cruel. She
00:05:10just wasn't close. She called me sis, but the word carried no weight. The twins had their
00:05:18own rhythm, and I had never been able to enter it. At breakfast, Mom was warming milk for
00:05:23Chloe. Ethan wasn't up yet.
00:05:26Mallory, have you eaten? I have. I hadn't. She didn't even check whether there was a
00:05:33bowl I'd used on the table. She just nodded. Chloe, did you pack your water bottle? It's
00:05:38hot today. Drink more water. I did. Mallory, drive your sister there. She still doesn't
00:05:45know the stops near the training center. Chloe had been going to that training center for
00:05:49two years. Mom still said she didn't know the way. Okay. As we were leaving, Ethan finally
00:05:56got up and called from his doorway. Mom, what's for breakfast? I left you a bagel and yogurt
00:06:03yogurt on the table. A bagel and yogurt. Ethan's regular breakfast. No one had ever asked what
00:06:10I wanted in the morning. On the way to the training center, Chloe sat in the passenger seat
00:06:16scrolling through her phone. She wasn't trying to be cold. It just never occurred to her to talk
00:06:23to me. Sis? When she suddenly spoke, my palm tightened on the wheel. What? That message you sent in the
00:06:34group chat yesterday? Ethan told you to delete it? Yeah. Did you? No. She nodded, then lowered her head
00:06:45to look at her phone again. I waited for a long time, waiting for her to say, happy birthday. She
00:06:51didn't. When we reached the training center, she unbuckled her seat belt. Sis, I'm here. Yeah, train
00:07:00hard. Can you pick me up this afternoon? I finish at five. I have a study group this afternoon. That
00:07:05was
00:07:05a lie. I had nothing this afternoon. I just didn't want to go. Then I'll ask mom to pick me
00:07:10up. Okay.
00:07:11Bye. At 4.50 that afternoon, mom sent a message in the family group chat. Chloe finishes training at
00:07:19five. Who can pick her up? I'm in a meeting. I'm at a friend's house. Mallory, aren't you free this
00:07:24afternoon? I looked at that message. She started with who can pick her up, but in the end it still
00:07:29landed on me. It's on your way anyway, right? Just go pick her up. It wasn't on my way at
00:07:34all, but in
00:07:34this family, my road was always on the way. My time was always free. I typed okay and sent it.
00:07:41Then I
00:07:41turned my phone face down on the desk. Suddenly I wondered what would happen if one day I didn't
00:07:50reply with okay. If I turned off my phone, canceled my number and disappeared too. Would they first
00:07:57panic because no one could pick up Chloe or would they think of me first? I knew the answer. When
00:08:03I
00:08:03picked Chloe up, her face was flushed from training and her hair was damp. Sis, I'm thirsty. Where's your
00:08:09water bottle? Finished it. I handed her the spare bottle of water in the car. Thanks sis. On the
00:08:16way home, she soon fell asleep against the window. I adjusted the air conditionings so
00:08:20the car wouldn't be so cold. She was the little princess everyone in the family revolved around
00:08:24and most of the roads I had driven through this city had been for someone else, but not
00:08:28for much longer. Not long after, the school college counselor called me into her office.
00:08:34Mallory Hayes, I saw your awards record. Honorable Ments in the National Math Olympias. That's
00:08:39impressive. Awards like that carry real weight. Which schools are you considering for early
00:08:43applications? I'm still looking. What do your parents think? I haven't told them yet. Something
00:08:49this important and you're not discussing it with your family first? I want to look into it myself
00:08:54first. I knew that even if I told them, no one would take it seriously. On last month's mock
00:08:58examine, I ranked third in the entire grade. I took a photo of my report card and sent it to
00:09:02the
00:09:02family group chat. My third place ranking stayed in the chat for only a very short while. All it
00:09:06got from mom was one sentence, not bad. The next message was a video mom sent of Chloe dancing.
00:09:10That afternoon, when I got home, I found a dusty letter among a pile of bills and flyers on the
00:09:15coffee table. It said, congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Hayes. Your daughter, Mallory Hayes, has received
00:09:21an honorable mention in the National High School Mathematics Olympiad. Two months had passed. The envelope
00:09:26hadn't even been opened. It was tucked between bills and pizza courons, completely forgotten. At dinner,
00:09:31mom answered a FaceTime call from my aunt. My aunt asked about Ethan's swim meet. Mom said he had
00:09:36taken second place in the district, pride filling her voice. My aunt asked about Chloe's dance
00:09:40competition. Mom said she had won gold at regionals and the judges had praised how steady she was off
00:09:45dyes. How's Mallory? She's applying to college soon too, right? She's doing fine. Third in my grade,
00:09:54a National Math Olympiac award. In mom's mouth, all of it became doing fine. I sat at the dining table,
00:09:59still holding the award letter that had been forgotten for two months. No one asked how I had
00:10:03been lately. No one turned to me and said, Mallory, what about you? I went back to my room,
00:10:08opened my laptop, and started looking up colleges that would actually care about competition
00:10:11backgrounds. In the end, I stopped at Carnegie Mellon. Hundreds of miles away from home, no one
00:10:16would remember me, only when they needed someone to pick up my sister. I opened the application page.
00:10:21My fingers hovered over the screen for three seconds before I finally closed it. I decided to try one
00:10:27more time. If they still couldn't see me this time, I would leave. Completely.
00:10:36Mallory, Ashley is coming to stay with us for a while.
00:10:40Give her your room and share with Chloe for now. Saturday morning, mom said it casually while
00:10:45changing shoes by the door. I was sitting at the dining table eating cereal. My spoon stopped in
00:10:54midair. Why my room? Your room gets the best natural light. Ashley hasn't been feeling well
00:10:59lately, and the doctor said more sunlight would be good for her. Ethan's room has a window, too.
00:11:03Your brother is a boy. Ashley is a girl. How could they share a room? Then let her stay with
00:11:07Chloe.
00:11:08Chloe needs space to stretch at night. Your room only has a bed and a desk. It's easy to clear
00:11:12out.
00:11:12How long is she staying? About half a month. Her summer program is over here.
00:11:16I didn't argue anymore. Experience had taught me a long time ago that arguing was useless.
00:11:21That afternoon, Ashley came in dragging two large suitcases, smiling sweetly.
00:11:28Auntie? Uncle? You're here! You're here! Come in!
00:11:32Mom was so warm, as if an important guest had arrived. Ashley pushed her suitcases into my room
00:11:39and looked around from the doorway. Auntie, can this bookshelf be moved out? I want to put a vanity
00:11:44mirror here. Of course. Mallory, move the bookshelf out.
00:11:49On my bookshelf were three years of notebooks, reference books, and a few certificates. It took
00:11:55me an hour to move everything into a corner of Chloe's room. That night, I laid a mattress on the
00:12:01floor of Chloe's room. Sis, why don't you sleep on the bed? I'll sleep on the floor.
00:12:07No. The floor is fine. Ashley is actually okay. Don't be upset. Ashley was never what upset me.
00:12:16What hurt was that in this house, I was always the one expected to give way.
00:12:23On the third day, I went back to my room to get review materials and opened the door to find
00:12:27Ashley flipping through my math competition notes. These are yours? Your handwriting is so neat.
00:12:33Yeah. Please put them back. I was just looking. You're way too protective of this stuff.
00:12:37She casually put the notebook back on the desk. I glanced over and suddenly realized one was missing.
00:12:43There was a blue one on the desk. Where is it? I didn't touch it. I didn't see it.
00:12:47I searched for 10 minutes and finally found it in the trash can. Half the cover had been torn off,
00:12:52and several pages inside were soaked with coffee. The writing blurred into smears.
00:12:56It was the problem-solving notebook I had been organizing since freshman year.
00:12:59Three years. I only had that one copy. Ashley, this? Oh, maybe I knocked it over when I was
00:13:05carrying coffee. Just write another one. I stood in the doorway holding the drenched notebook,
00:13:09my hands shaking. I took the notebook back to Chloe's room and dried it page by page.
00:13:16With a hair broyer. Where the writing was blurred, I slowly filled it back in with a pencil.
00:13:26I worked until one in the morning. The next morning, Ashley sat in my old seat, chatting happily with
00:13:31Mom. No one asked why the circles under my eyes were so dark or what had happened last night,
00:13:36and I no longer needed to wait for that one last time. From that day on, I began preparing to
00:13:42leave
00:13:42until the day I received my acceptance letter. I knew the time had come to leave this house.
00:13:47I packed my suitcase and bought a Greyhouse ticket for the early dawn departure the next day.
00:13:51The destination was Pittsburgh. Then I walked to the door and placed my house key on the small
00:13:56entryway table. I left the group chat and deactivated my old phone number. The screen went dark. The whole
00:14:03world suddenly became much quieter. I pulled my suitcase, opened the door, and closed it softly behind me.
00:14:23This family celebrates everyone's birthday. Everyone's but mine. Because my parents only love
00:14:29my twin siblings, Ethan and Chloe. They don't love me. When Ethan wants a birthday party, my parents book a
00:14:36private room at his favorite steakhouse a month in advance. When it's Chloe's turn and she wants to go
00:14:42to Six Flags, the whole family goes. Mom even posts nine photos on Instagram. But on my birthday, this
00:14:48house always treats it like any other day. I thought turning 18 would be different. That morning, I got up
00:14:55early on purpose, put on light makeup, and sat on the living room couch to wait. Mom walked past me
00:15:01on her
00:15:02way out, carrying Chloe's dance bag. Heat up your own lunch. I'm taking Chloe to her intensive class.
00:15:09Dad was watering tomatoes in the backyard. Ethan called him to go play basketball at the park,
00:15:15and the two of them left soon after. At noon, I was the only one left in the house. I
00:15:21sent a message
00:15:21in the family group chat. I'm 18 today. No one replied. At seven that night, everybody came home.
00:15:28No one sang. No one felt like anything was missing. I was 18 now. At last, I could decide for
00:15:36myself
00:15:36where I wanted to go. Mallory, delete that message from the group chat. I almost missed Grandpa's
00:15:43voice message. Ethan didn't even look up. He tapped the edge of his plate, lightly with his dinner knife,
00:15:50signaling Mom to give him more ribs. I looked down at my phone. The message in the family chat,
00:15:58I'm 18 today, was still sitting there. No one had replied. Mom came over with a plate of garlic bread
00:16:06and set it in the middle of the table. All right. No phones at dinner.
00:16:14I looked at the food on the table. Ethan liked ribs. Chloe liked mac and cheese. Mom had made the
00:16:20salad for herself. Not a single dish was for me. I liked seafood. Grilled salmon was my favorite.
00:16:28I had said it so many times. No one in this family remembered. Dad, today... Dad set down his iced
00:16:38tea
00:16:38and glanced at me. The next second, he turned back to Ethan. How's your wrist from basketball
00:16:44this afternoon? Does the sprain still hurt? It's okay. Shoot. It aches a little when I shoot.
00:16:50I'll take you to a sports therapist tomorrow. My words died in midair. I finished dinner quietly
00:16:56and went to wash the dishes. I turned the faucet on high. From the living room came the sound of
00:17:04Chloe practicing ballet basics, her toes landing against the floor one by one. Mom counted beats
00:17:09beside her. Ethan was playing Xbox in his room, shouting every few minutes. Dad was on the couch
00:17:15with his iPad. Everyone in this house had something of their own. Everyone had someone answering them.
00:17:22Except me. I stood in the kitchen, washing platelets and cups for five people.
00:17:30The water was loud. Loud enough that even if I cried, no one would hear. After the dishes,
00:17:36I went back to my room and shut the door. My phone lit up. It was a message in the
00:17:40class group chat.
00:17:41It was the only happy birthday I had received all day from a classmate I had known for less than
00:17:45a
00:17:45year. I replied, thank you. Then I opened my photo album and kept scrolling back. After I turned six,
00:17:52mom's camera had almost completely turned toward them. Most of the photos were of them. I scrolled for a
00:17:57long time before I finally found one. It was from when I was nine and had entered the school speech
00:18:02contest. Mom had taken it from the audience. The photo was blurry. Only half my body was in it
00:18:08because the other half of the frame was Chloe in the front row, turning back toward the camera with
00:18:13a bright smile. I stood off stage in front of the microphone, my face barely visible. The phone screen
00:18:21dimmed and my face appeared in the black reflection. 18-year-old Mallory Hayes had spent the whole
00:18:27morning putting on makeup, waited all day, and still hadn't gotten a single happy birthday. Mom's voice
00:18:33came from outside the door. Mallory, wake your sister at seven tomorrow morning. She has training at
00:18:418.30. Okay. Hey sis, it's seven. Chloe had woken up on her own. She stood in my doorway in
00:18:52a pink
00:18:53leotard, her hair half tied. I checked my phone. 6.53. My alarm hadn't even gone off. You got up
00:19:00by
00:19:00yourself? Yeah. I set an alarm. Mom told you to wake me, but I was afraid you didn't sleep well
00:19:07last
00:19:08night. She said it so casually, but the words still stung. She knew I hadn't slept well last
00:19:14night. I'll help you tie your hair. No, it's fine. I can do it. She turned and left. Chloe had
00:19:25always
00:19:25been like that with me. She wasn't cruel. She just wasn't close. She called me sis, but the word
00:19:34carried no weight. The twins had their own rhythm, and I had never been able to enter it. At breakfast,
00:19:41mom was warming milk for Chloe. Ethan wasn't up yet. Mally, have you eaten? I have. I hadn't. She didn't
00:19:51even check whether there was a bowl I'd used on the table. She just nodded. Chloe, did you pack your
00:19:56water bottle? It's hot today. Drink more water. I did. Mally, drive your sister there. She still
00:20:04doesn't know the stops near the training center. Chloe had been going to that training center for
00:20:08two years. Mom still said she didn't know the way. Okay. As we were leaving, Ethan finally got up and
00:20:16called from his doorway. Mom, what's for breakfast? I left you a bagel and yogurt on the table. A bagel
00:20:24and yogurt? Ethan's regular breakfast. No one had ever asked what I wanted in the morning. On the way
00:20:31to the training center, Chloe sat in the passenger seat scrolling through her phone. She wasn't trying
00:20:38to be cold. It just never occurred to her to talk to me. Sis? When she suddenly spoke, my palm
00:20:48tightened on the wheel. What? That message you sent in the group chat yesterday? Ethan told you to
00:20:55delete it? Yeah. Did you? No. She nodded, then lowered her head to look at her phone again. I waited
00:21:06for a
00:21:07long time, waiting for her to say, happy birthday. She didn't. When we reached the training center,
00:21:13she unbuckled her seat belt. Sis, I'm here. Yeah. Train hard. Can you pick me up this afternoon? I
00:21:21finish at five. I have a study group this afternoon. That was a lie. I had nothing this afternoon. I
00:21:27just
00:21:27didn't want to go. Then I'll ask mom to pick me up. Okay. At 4.50 that afternoon, mom sent
00:21:34a message in
00:21:35the family group chat. Chloe finishes training at five. Who can pick her up? I'm in a meeting. I'm at
00:21:41a friend's house. Mallory, aren't you free this afternoon? I looked at that message. She started
00:21:46with who can pick her up, but in the end, it still landed on me. It's on your way anyway,
00:21:50right? Just
00:21:51go pick her up. It wasn't on my way at all, but in this family, my road was always on
00:21:55the way.
00:21:55My time was always free. I typed okay and sent it. Then I turned my phone face down on the
00:22:01desk.
00:22:04Suddenly, I wondered what would happen if one day I didn't reply with okay. If I turned off my phone,
00:22:13canceled my number and disappeared too. Would they first panic because no one could pick up Chloe or
00:22:19would they think of me first? I knew the answer. When I picked Chloe up, her face was flushed from
00:22:24training and her hair was damp. Sis, I'm thirsty. Where's your water bottle? Finished it. I handed
00:22:31her the spare bottle of water in the car. Thanks, sis. On the way home, she soon fell asleep against
00:22:37the window. I adjusted the air conditionings so the car wouldn't be so cold. She was the little
00:22:41princess everyone in the family revolved around, and most of the roads I had driven through this
00:22:45city had been for someone else, but not for much longer. Not long after, the school college
00:22:51counselor called me into her office. Mallory Hayes, I saw your awards record. Honorable Ments
00:22:56in the National Math Olympias. That's impressive. Awards like that carry real weight. Which schools
00:23:01are you considering for early applications? I'm still looking. What do your parents think? I haven't
00:23:07told them yet. Something this important, and you're not discussing it with your family first?
00:23:11I want to look into it myself first. I knew that even if I told them, no one would take
00:23:16it seriously.
00:23:16On last month's mock examen, I ranked third in the entire grade. I took a photo of my report card
00:23:20and sent it to the family group chat. My third place ranking stayed in the chat for only a very
00:23:24short while. All it got from mom was one sentence. Not bad. The next message was a video mom sent
00:23:28of
00:23:28Chloe dancing. That afternoon, when I got home, I found a dusty letter among a pile of bills and
00:23:33flyers on the coffee table. It said, congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Hayes. Your daughter, Mallory Hayes,
00:23:39has received an honorable mention in the National High School Mathematics Olympiad. Two months had passed.
00:23:44The envelope hadn't even been opened. It was tucked between bills and pizza courons,
00:23:48completely forgotten. At dinner, mom answered a FaceTime call from my aunt. My aunt asked about
00:23:53Ethan's swim meet. Mom said he had taken second place in the district, pride filling her voice.
00:23:58My aunt asked about Chloe's dance competition. Mom said she had won gold at regionals,
00:24:02and the judges had praised how steady she was off dyes. How's Mallory? She's applying to college
00:24:07soon too, right? She's doing fine. Third in my grade, a National Math Olympiac award. In mom's mouth,
00:24:15all of it became doing fine. I sat at the dining table, still holding the award letter that had
00:24:20been forgotten for two months. No one asked how I had been lately. No one turned to me and said,
00:24:24Mallory, what about you? I went back to my room, opened my laptop, and started looking up colleges
00:24:29that would actually care about competition backgrounds. In the end, I stopped at Carnegie
00:24:33Mellon. Hundreds of miles away from home, no one would remember me, only when they needed someone
00:24:37to pick up my sister. I opened the application page. My fingers hovered over the screen for three
00:24:42seconds before I finally closed it. I decided to try one more time. If they still couldn't see me
00:24:48this time, I would leave completely. Mallory, Ashley is coming to stay with us for a while.
00:24:59Give her your room and share with Chloe for now. Saturday morning, mom said it casually while
00:25:04changing shoes by the door. I was sitting at the dining table eating cereal. My spoon stopped in midair.
00:25:13Why my room? Your room gets the best natural light. Ashley hasn't been feeling well lately,
00:25:18and the doctor said more sunlight would be good for her. Ethan's room has a window too.
00:25:22Your brother is a boy. Ashley is a girl. How could they share a room? Then let her stay with
00:25:26Chloe.
00:25:27Chloe needs space to stretch at night. Your room only has a bed and a desk. It's easy to clear
00:25:31out.
00:25:31How long is she staying? About half a month. Her summer program is over here. I didn't argue
00:25:36anymore. Experience had taught me a long time ago that arguing was useless.
00:25:39That afternoon, Ashley came in dragging two large suitcases, smiling sweetly.
00:25:47Auntie? Uncle? You're here! You're here! Come in!
00:25:51Mom was so warm, as if an important guest had arrived. Ashley pushed her suitcases into my room
00:25:58and looked around from the doorway. Auntie, can this bookshelf be moved out? I want to put a
00:26:03vanity mirror here. Of course. Mallory, move the bookshelf out. On my bookshelf were three years
00:26:10of notebooks, reference books, and a few certificates. It took me an hour to move
00:26:15everything into a corner of Chloe's room. That night, I laid a mattress on the floor of Chloe's room.
00:26:22Sis, why don't you sleep on the bed? I'll sleep on the floor.
00:26:26No, the floor is fine. Ashley is actually okay. Don't be upset. Ashley was never what upset me.
00:26:36What hurt was that in this house, I was always the one expected to give way.
00:26:42On the third day, I went back to my room to get review materials and opened the door to find
00:26:46Ashley
00:26:47flipping through my math competition notes. These are yours? Your handwriting is so neat.
00:26:51Yeah. Please put them back. I was just looking. You're way too protective of this stuff.
00:26:57She casually put the notebook back on the desk. I glanced over and suddenly realized one was missing.
00:27:02There was a blue one on the desk. Where is it? I didn't touch it. I didn't see it.
00:27:06I searched for 10 minutes and finally found it in the trash can. Half the cover had been torn off,
00:27:11and several pages inside were soaked with coffee, the writing blurred into smears. It was the problem
00:27:16solving notebook I had been organizing since freshman year. Three years. I only had that one copy.
00:27:21Ashley, this? Oh, maybe I knocked it over when I was carrying coffee. Just write another one.
00:27:25I stood in the doorway holding the drenched notebook, my hands shaking.
00:27:32I took the notebook back to Chloe's room and dried it page by page with a hair broyer.
00:27:38Where the writing was blurred, I slowly filled it back in with a pencil.
00:27:45I worked until one in the morning. The next morning, Ashley sat in my old seat, chatting happily
00:27:50with mom. No one asked why the circles under my eyes were so dark, or what had happened last night.
00:27:55And I no longer needed to wait for that one last time.
00:27:59From that day on, I began preparing to leave. Until the day I received my acceptance letter,
00:28:04I knew the time had come to leave this house. I packed my suitcase and bought a gray house ticket
00:28:08for the early dawn departure the next day. The destination was Pittsburgh. Then I walked to
00:28:13the door and placed my house key on the small entryway table. I left the group chat and deactivated
00:28:18my old phone number. The screen went dark. The whole world suddenly became much quieter.
00:28:25I pulled my suitcase, opened the door, and closed it softly behind me.
00:28:42This family celebrates everyone's birthday. Everyone's but mine. Because my parents only
00:28:48love my twin siblings, Ethan and Chloe. They don't love me. When Ethan wants a birthday party,
00:28:54my parents book a private room at his favorite steakhouse a month in advance. When it's Chloe's
00:29:00turn and she wants to go to Six Flags, the whole family goes. Mom even posts nine photos on Instagram.
00:29:05But on my birthday, this house always treats it like any other day. I thought turning 18 would be
00:29:11different. That morning, I got up early on purpose, put on light makeup, and sat on the living room couch
00:29:18to wait. Mom walked past me on her way out, carrying Chloe's dance bag. Heat up your own lunch. I'm
00:29:25taking
00:29:25Chloe to her intensive class. Dad was watering tomatoes in the backyard. Ethan called him to go play
00:29:32basketball at the park, and the two of them left soon after. At noon, I was the only one left
00:29:38in the
00:29:38house. I sent a message in the family group chat. I'm 18 today. No one replied. At seven that night,
00:29:47everybody came home. No one sang. No one felt like anything was missing. I was 18 now. At last,
00:29:54I could decide for myself where I wanted to go. Mallory, delete that message from the group chat.
00:30:01I almost missed Grandpa's voice message. Ethan didn't even look up. He tapped the edge of his
00:30:07plate lightly with his dinner knife, signaling Mom to give him more ribs. I looked down at my phone.
00:30:16The message in the family chat, I'm 18 today, was still sitting there. No one had replied.
00:30:23Mom came over with a plate of garlic bread and set it in the middle of the table.
00:30:29All right. No phones at dinner. I looked at the food on the table. Ethan liked ribs.
00:30:37Chloe liked mac and cheese. Mom had made the salad for herself. Not a single dish was for me. I
00:30:43liked
00:30:44seafood. Grilled salmon was my favorite. I had said it so many times. No one in this family remembered.
00:30:54Dad, today... Dad set down his iced tea and glanced at me. The next second, he turned back to Ethan.
00:31:02How's your wrist from basketball this afternoon? Does the sprain still hurt?
00:31:06It's okay. Shoot. It aches a little when I shoot. I'll take you to a sports therapist tomorrow.
00:31:11My words died in midair. I finished dinner quietly and went to wash the dishes. I turned the faucet on
00:31:19high.
00:31:21From the living room came the sound of Chloe practicing ballet basics. Her toes landing
00:31:26against the floor one by one. Mom counted beats beside her. Ethan was playing Xbox in his room,
00:31:31shouting every few minutes. Dad was on the couch with his iPad. Everyone in this house had something of
00:31:37their own. Everyone had someone answering them. Except me. I stood in the kitchen, washing platelets
00:31:46and cups for five people. The water was loud. Loud enough that even if I cried, no one would hear.
00:31:54After the dishes, I went back to my room and shut the door. My phone lit up. It was a
00:31:58message in the
00:31:59class group chat. It was the only happy birthday I had received all day from a classmate I had known
00:32:04for
00:32:04less than a year. I replied, thank you. Then I opened my photo album and kept scrolling back.
00:32:09After I turned six, Mom's camera had almost completely turned toward them. Most of the photos
00:32:14were of them. I scrolled for a long time before I finally found one. It was from when I was
00:32:19nine and
00:32:20had entered the school speech contest. Mom had taken it from the audience. The photo was blurry.
00:32:26Only half my body was in it, because the other half of the frame was Chloe in the front row,
00:32:30turning back toward the camera with a bright smile. I stood off stage in front of the microphone,
00:32:37my face barely visible. The phone screen dimmed, and my face appeared in the black reflection.
00:32:44Eighteen-year-old Mallory Hayes had spent the whole morning putting on makeup, waited all day,
00:32:49and still hadn't gotten a single happy birthday. Mom's voice came from outside the door.
00:32:55Mallory, wake your sister at seven tomorrow morning. She has training at eight-thirty.
00:33:03Okay.
00:33:06Hey, sis. It's seven. Chloe had woken up on her own. She stood in my doorway in a pink leotard,
00:33:12her hair half-tied. I checked my phone. Six-fifty-three. My alarm hadn't even gone off.
00:33:19You got up by yourself? Yeah. I set an alarm. Mom told you to wake me, but I was afraid
00:33:26you didn't
00:33:26sleep well last night. She said it so casually, but the words still stung. She knew I hadn't slept
00:33:32well last night. I'll help you tie your hair. No, it's fine. I can do it. She turned and left.
00:33:43Chloe had always been like that with me. She wasn't cruel. She just wasn't close.
00:33:50She called me sis, but the word carried no weight. The twins had their own rhythm,
00:33:57and I had never been able to enter it. At breakfast, Mom was warming milk for Chloe.
00:34:02Ethan wasn't up yet. Mally, have you eaten? I have. I hadn't. She didn't even check
00:34:10whether there was a bowl I'd used on the table. She just nodded.
00:34:14Chloe, did you pack your water bottle? It's hot today. Drink more water.
00:34:18I did. Mally, drive your sister there. She still doesn't know the stops near the training center.
00:34:25Chloe had been going to that training center for two years. Mom still said she didn't know the way.
00:34:31Okay. As we were leaving, Ethan finally got up and called from his doorway.
00:34:37Mom, what's for breakfast? I left you a bagel and yogurt on the table.
00:34:43A bagel and yogurt? Ethan's regular breakfast. No one had ever asked what I wanted in the morning.
00:34:50On the way to the training center, Chloe sat in the passenger seat scrolling through her phone.
00:34:56She wasn't trying to be cold. It just never occurred to her to talk to me.
00:35:03Sis? When she suddenly spoke, my palm tightened on the wheel. What? That message you sent in the
00:35:12group chat yesterday? Ethan told you to delete it? Yeah. Did you? No. She nodded, then lowered her
00:35:23head to look at her phone again. I waited for a long time, waiting for her to say, happy birthday.
00:35:29She didn't. When we reached the training center, she unbuckled her seat belt.
00:35:34Sis, I'm here. Yeah. Train hard. Can you pick me up this afternoon? I finish at five.
00:35:41I have a study group this afternoon. That was a lie. I had nothing this afternoon. I just didn't want
00:35:47to go.
00:35:47Then I'll ask mom to pick me up. Okay. At 4.50 that afternoon, mom sent a message in the
00:35:54family
00:35:54group chat. Chloe finishes training at five. Who can pick her up? I'm in a meeting. I'm at a friend's
00:36:00house. Mallory? Aren't you free this afternoon? I looked at that message. She started with,
00:36:06who can pick her up? But in the end, it still landed on me. It's on your way anyway, right?
00:36:10Just go pick
00:36:10her up. It wasn't on my way at all. But in this family, my road was always on the way.
00:36:15My time was always
00:36:16free. I typed okay and sent it. Then I turned my phone face down on the desk. Suddenly, I wondered,
00:36:25what would happen if one day I didn't reply with okay? If I turned off my phone, canceled my number,
00:36:33and disappeared too? Would they first panic because no one could pick up Chloe? Or would they think of
00:36:39me first? I knew the answer. When I picked Chloe up, her face was flushed from training and her hair
00:36:44was damp. Sis, I'm thirsty. Where's your water bottle? Finished it. I handed her the spare bottle
00:36:51of water in the car. Thanks, sis. On the way home, she soon fell asleep against the window. I adjusted
00:36:57the air conditionings so the car wouldn't be so cold. She was the little princess everyone in the
00:37:01family revolved around, and most of the roads I had driven through this city had been for someone else,
00:37:06but not for much longer. Not long after, the school college counselor called me into her office.
00:37:12Mallory Hayes, I saw your awards record. Honorable Ments in the National Math Olympias.
00:37:17That's impressive. Awards like that carry real weight. Which schools are you considering for
00:37:21early applications? I'm still looking. What do your parents think? I haven't told them yet.
00:37:27Something this important, and you're not discussing it with your family first?
00:37:30I want to look into it myself first. I knew that even if I told them, no one would take
00:37:35it seriously.
00:37:36On last month's mock examine, I ranked third in the entire grade. I took a photo of my report card
00:37:39and
00:37:40sent it to the family group chat. My third-place ranking stayed in the chat for only a very short
00:37:43while. All it got from mom was one sentence. Not bad. The next message was a video mom sent of
00:37:48Chloe dancing. That afternoon, when I got home, I found a dusty letter among a pile of bills and
00:37:52flyers on the coffee table. It said, Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Hayes. Your daughter, Mallory Hayes,
00:37:58has received an honorable mention in the National High School Mathematics Olympiad. Two months had passed.
00:38:03The envelope hadn't even been opened. It was tucked between bills and pizza courons. Completely forgotten.
00:38:08At dinner, mom answered a FaceTime call from my aunt. My aunt asked about Ethan's swim meet. Mom said he
00:38:14had taken second place in the district, pride filling her voice. My aunt asked about Chloe's dance
00:38:19competition. Mom said she had won gold at regionals, and the judges had praised how steady she was off
00:38:24How's Mallory? She's applying to college soon too, right? She's doing fine. Third in my grade, a National Math
00:38:32Olympiac Award. In mom's mouth, all of it became doing fine. I sat at the dining table, still holding
00:38:38the award letter that had been forgotten for two months. No one asked how I had been lately. No one
00:38:43turned to me and said, Mallory, what about you? I went back to my room, opened my laptop, and started
00:38:47looking up
00:38:47colleges that would actually care about competition backgrounds. In the end, I stopped at Carnegie Mellon, hundreds of
00:38:53miles away from home. No one would remember me, only when they needed someone to pick up my sister.
00:38:57I opened the application page. My fingers hovered over the screen for three seconds before I finally
00:39:03closed it. I decided to try one more time. If they still couldn't see me this time, I would leave,
00:39:10completely.
00:39:14Mallory, Ashley is coming to stay with us for a while.
00:39:18Give her your room and share with Chloe for now.
00:39:20Saturday morning, mom said it casually while changing shoes by the door.
00:39:24I was sitting at the dining table eating cereal. My spoon stopped in midair.
00:39:32Why my room?
00:39:34Your room gets the best natural light.
00:39:36Ashley hasn't been feeling well lately, and the doctor said more sunlight would be good for her.
00:39:40Ethan's room has a window too.
00:39:41Your brother is a boy. Ashley is a girl. How could they share a room?
00:39:44Then let her stay with Chloe.
00:39:46Chloe needs space to stretch at night.
00:39:48Your room only has a bed and a desk. It's easy to clear out.
00:39:50How long is she staying?
00:39:52About half a month.
00:39:53Her summer program is over here.
00:39:54Okay.
00:39:54I didn't argue anymore.
00:39:55Experience had taught me a long time ago that arguing was useless.
00:39:59That afternoon, Ashley came in dragging two large suitcases, smiling sweetly.
00:40:06Auntie? Uncle?
00:40:07You're here! You're here! Come in!
00:40:10Mom was so warm, as if an important guest had arrived.
00:40:14Ashley pushed her suitcases into my room and looked around from the doorway.
00:40:19Auntie, can this bookshelf be moved out? I want to put a vanity mirror here.
00:40:24Of course.
00:40:25Mallory, move the bookshelf out.
00:40:28On my bookshelf were three years of notebooks, reference books, and a few certificates.
00:40:32It took me an hour to move everything into a corner of Chloe's room.
00:40:36That night, I laid a mattress on the floor of Chloe's room.
00:40:42I'm going to sleep on the bed. I'll sleep on the floor.
00:40:45No, the floor is fine.
00:40:48Ashley is actually okay. Don't be upset.
00:40:52Ashley was never what upset me.
00:40:55What hurt was that in this house, I was always the one expected to give way.
00:41:01On the third day, I went back to my room to get review materials,
00:41:04and opened the door to find Ashley flipping through my math competition notes.
00:41:08These are yours? Your handwriting is so neat.
00:41:11Yeah. Please put them back.
00:41:13I was just looking. You're way too protective of this stuff.
00:41:16She casually put the notebook back on the desk. I glanced over and suddenly realized one was missing.
00:41:21There was a blue one on the desk. Where is it?
00:41:23I didn't touch it. I didn't see it.
00:41:25I searched for ten minutes and finally found it in the trash can.
00:41:28Half the cover had been torn off, and several pages inside were soaked with coffee. The writing blurred into smears.
00:41:34It was the problem-solving notebook I had been organizing since freshman year. Three years. I only had that one
00:41:39copy.
00:41:40Ashley, this? Oh, maybe I knocked it over when I was carrying coffee. Just write another one.
00:41:44I stood in the doorway holding the drenched notebook, my hands shaking.
00:41:51I took the notebook back to Chloe's room and dried it page by page with a hair broyer.
00:41:57Where the writing was blurred, I slowly filled it back in with a pencil.
00:42:04I worked until one in the morning. The next morning, Ashley sat in my old seat, chatting happily with mom.
00:42:10No one asked why the circles under my eyes were so dark or what had happened last night, and I
00:42:15no longer needed to wait for that one last time.
00:42:18From that day on, I began preparing to leave. Until the day I received my acceptance letter, I knew the
00:42:23time had come to leave this house.
00:42:25I packed my suitcase and bought a Greyhouse ticket for the early dawn departure the next day.
00:42:29The destination was Pittsburgh. Then I walked to the door and placed my house key on the small entryway table.
00:42:35I left the group chat and deactivated my old phone number. The screen went dark. The whole world suddenly became
00:42:42much quieter.
00:42:44I pulled my suitcase, opened the door, and closed it softly behind me.
00:43:01This family celebrates everyone's birthday. Everyone's but mine.
00:43:06Because my parents only love my twin siblings, Ethan and Chloe. They don't love me.
00:43:11When Ethan wants a birthday party, my parents book a private room at his favorite steakhouse a month in advance.
00:43:18When it's Chloe's turn and she wants to go to Six Flags, the whole family goes. Mom even posts nine
00:43:23photos on Instagram.
00:43:25But on my birthday, this house always treats it like any other day. I thought turning 18 would be different.
00:43:31That morning, I got up early on purpose, put on light makeup, and sat on the living room couch to
00:43:37wait.
00:43:38Mom walked past me on her way out, carrying Chloe's dance bag.
00:43:42Heat up your own lunch. I'm taking Chloe to her intensive class.
00:43:47Dad was watering tomatoes in the backyard. Ethan called him to go play basketball at the park.
00:43:53And the two of them left soon after. At noon, I was the only one left in the house.
00:43:58I sent a message in the family group chat. I'm 18 today. No one replied.
00:44:05At seven that night, everybody came home. No one sang. No one felt like anything was missing.
00:44:11I was 18 now. At last, I could decide for myself where I wanted to go.
00:44:17Mallory, delete that message from the group chat. I almost missed Grandpa's voice message.
00:44:23Ethan didn't even look up. He tapped the edge of his plate, lightly with his dinner knife, signaling Mom to
00:44:30give him more ribs.
00:44:33I looked down at my phone. The message in the family chat, I'm 18 today, was still sitting there. No
00:44:40one had replied.
00:44:42Mom came over with a plate of garlic bread and set it in the middle of the table.
00:44:48Alright. No phones at dinner.
00:44:52I looked at the food on the table. Ethan liked ribs. Chloe liked mac and cheese. Mom had made the
00:44:58salad for herself.
00:44:59Not a single dish was for me. I liked seafood. Grilled salmon was my favorite. I had said it so
00:45:07many times. No one in this family remembered.
00:45:12Dad, today... Dad set down his iced tea and glanced at me. The next second, he turned back to Ethan.
00:45:21How's your wrist from basketball this afternoon? Does the sprain still hurt?
00:45:25It's okay. Shoot. It aches a little when I shoot.
00:45:28I'll take you to a sports therapist tomorrow. My words died in mid-air.
00:45:33I finished dinner quietly and went to wash the dishes. I turned the faucet on high.
00:45:40From the living room came the sound of Chloe practicing ballet basics. Her toes landing
00:45:45against the floor one by one. Mom counted beats beside her. Ethan was playing Xbox in his room,
00:45:50shouting every few minutes. Dad was on the couch with his iPad. Everyone in this house had something
00:45:55of their own. Everyone had someone answering them. Except me. I stood in the kitchen, washing
00:46:05platelets and cups for five people. The water was loud. Loud enough that even if I cried, no one would
00:46:12hear. After the dishes, I went back to my room and shut the door. My phone lit up. It was
00:46:17a message in the
00:46:18class group chat. It was the only happy birthday I had received all day from a classmate I had known
00:46:23for less than a year. I replied, thank you. Then I opened my photo album and kept scrolling back.
00:46:28After I turned six, Mom's camera had almost completely turned toward them. Most of the photos
00:46:33were of them. I scrolled for a long time before I finally found one. It was from when I was
00:46:38nine and
00:46:39had entered the school speech contest. Mom had taken it from the audience. The photo was blurry.
00:46:44Only half my body was in it because the other half of the frame was Chloe in the front row,
00:46:50turning back toward the camera with a bright smile. I stood off stage in front of the microphone,
00:46:56my face barely visible. The phone screen dimmed and my face appeared in the black reflection.
00:47:03Eighteen-year-old Mallory Hayes had spent the whole morning putting on makeup, waited all day,
00:47:08and still hadn't gotten a single happy birthday. Mom's voice came from outside the door.
00:47:14Mallory, wake your sister at seven tomorrow morning. She has training at 8.30.
00:47:22Okay.
00:47:25Hey, sis. It's seven. Chloe had woken up on her own. She stood in my doorway in a pink leotard,
00:47:31her hair half-tied. I checked my phone. 6.53. My alarm hadn't even gone off.
00:47:38You got up by yourself? Yeah. I set an alarm. Mom told you to wake me, but I was afraid
00:47:45you didn't
00:47:45sleep well last night. She said it so casually, but the words still stung. She knew I hadn't slept
00:47:51well last night. I'll help you tie your hair. No, it's fine. I can do it.
00:48:00She turned and left. Chloe had always been like that with me. She wasn't cruel. She just wasn't close.
00:48:09She called me sis, but the word carried no weight. The twins had their own rhythm, and I had never
00:48:17been able to enter it. At breakfast, Mom was warming milk for Chloe. Ethan wasn't up yet.
00:48:23Mally, have you eaten? I have. I hadn't. She didn't even check whether there was a bowl I'd used on
00:48:30the
00:48:30table. She just nodded. Chloe, did you pack your water bottle? It's hot today. Drink more water.
00:48:37I did. Mally, drive your sister there. She still doesn't know the stops near the training center.
00:48:44Chloe had been going to that training center for two years. Mom still said she didn't know the way.
00:48:50Okay. As we were leaving, Ethan finally got up and called from his doorway. Mom, what's for breakfast?
00:48:59I left you a bagel and yogurt on the table. A bagel and yogurt? Ethan's regular breakfast.
00:49:06No one had ever asked what I wanted in the morning. On the way to the training center,
00:49:11Chloe sat in the passenger seat scrolling through her phone. She wasn't trying to be cold. It just never
00:49:18occurred to her to talk to me. Sis? When she suddenly spoke, my palm tightened on the wheel.
00:49:28What? That message you sent in the group chat yesterday? Ethan told you to delete it?
00:49:36Yeah. Did you? No. She nodded, then lowered her head to look at her phone again. I waited for a
00:49:45long
00:49:45time, waiting for her to say, happy birthday. She didn't. When we reached the training center,
00:49:51she unbuckled her seat belt. Sis, I'm here. Yeah. Train hard. Can you pick me up this afternoon? I finish
00:49:59at
00:49:59five. I have a study group this afternoon. That was a lie. I had nothing this afternoon. I just
00:50:05didn't want to go. Then I'll ask mom to pick me up. Okay. At 4.50 that afternoon, mom sent
00:50:12a message
00:50:13in the family group chat. Chloe finishes training at five. Who can pick her up? I'm in a meeting.
00:50:18I'm at a friend's house. Mallory, aren't you free this afternoon? I looked at that message. She started
00:50:24with who can pick her up, but in the end, it still landed on me. It's on your way anyway,
00:50:28right? Just
00:50:29go pick her up. It wasn't on my way at all. But in this family, my road was always on
00:50:33the way.
00:50:34My time was always free. I typed okay and sent it. Then I turned my phone face down on the
00:50:40desk.
00:50:42Suddenly I wondered what would happen if one day I didn't reply with okay. If I turned off my phone,
00:50:50canceled my number and disappeared too. Would they first panic because no one could pick up Chloe?
00:50:57Or would they think of me first? I knew the answer. When I picked Chloe up, her face was flushed
00:51:02from
00:51:02training and her hair was damp. Sis, I'm thirsty. Where's your water bottle? Finished it. I handed her
00:51:09the spare bottle of water in the car. Thanks sis. On the way home, she soon fell asleep against the
00:51:15window. I adjusted the air conditionings so the car wouldn't be so cold. She was the little princess
00:51:20everyone in the family revolved around. And most of the roads I had driven through this city had
00:51:24been for someone else, but not for much longer. Not long after, the school college counselor called
00:51:30me into her office. Mallory Hayes, I saw your awards record. Honorable Ments in the National Math Olympias.
00:51:36That's impressive. Awards like that carry real weight. Which schools are you considering for
00:51:40early applications? I'm still looking. What do your parents think? I haven't told them yet.
00:51:46Something this important and you're not discussing it with your family first?
00:51:50I want to look into it myself first. I knew that even if I told them, no one would take
00:51:54it seriously.
00:51:55On last month's mock examine, I ranked third in the entire grade. I took a photo of my report card
00:51:58and sent it to the family group chat. My third place ranking stayed in the chat for only a very
00:52:02short while. All it got from mom was one sentence. Not bad. The next message was a video mom sent
00:52:06of
00:52:07Chloe dancing. That afternoon, when I got home, I found a dusty letter among a pile of bills and flyers
00:52:12on the
00:52:12coffee table. It said, congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Hayes. Your daughter, Mallory Hayes,
00:52:17has received an honorable mention in the National High School Mathematics Olympiad.
00:52:21Two months had passed. The envelope hadn't even been opened. It was tucked between bills and pizza
00:52:26curans. Completely forgotten. At dinner, mom answered a FaceTime call from my aunt. My aunt asked about
00:52:31Ethan's swim meet. Mom said he had taken second place in the district, pride filling her voice.
00:52:36My aunt asked about Chloe's dance competition. Mom said she had won gold at regionals and the judges
00:52:41had praised how steady she was off dyes. How's Mallory? She's applying to college soon too,
00:52:46right? She's doing fine. Third in my grade, a National Math Olympiac award. In mom's mouth,
00:52:53all of it became doing fine. I sat at the dining table, still holding the award letter that had
00:52:58been forgotten for two months. No one asked how I had been lately. No one turned to me and said,
00:53:02Mallory, what about you? I went back to my room, opened my laptop, and started looking up colleges that
00:53:07would actually care about competition backgrounds. In the end, I stopped at Carnegie Mellon. Hundreds
00:53:12of miles away from home, no one would remember me, only when they needed someone to pick up my sister.
00:53:16I opened the application page. My fingers hovered over the screen for three seconds
00:53:21before I finally closed it. I decided to try one more time. If they still couldn't see me this time,
00:53:27I would leave. Completely. Mallory, Ashley is coming to stay with us for a while.
00:53:37Give her your room and share with Chloe for now. Saturday morning, mom said it casually while
00:53:42changing shoes by the door. I was sitting at the dining table eating cereal. My spoon stopped in midair.
00:53:51Why my room? Your room gets the best natural light. Ashley hasn't been feeling well lately,
00:53:56and the doctor said more sunlight would be good for her. Ethan's room has a window too. Your brother
00:54:01is a boy. Ashley is a girl. How could they share a room? Then let her stay with Chloe. Chloe
00:54:05needs space
00:54:06to stretch at night. Your room only has a bed and a desk. It's easy to clear out. How long
00:54:10is she staying?
00:54:11About half a month. Her summer program is over here. I didn't argue anymore. Experience had taught me
00:54:15a long time ago that arguing was useless. That afternoon, Ashley came in dragging two large
00:54:21suitcases, smiling sweetly. Auntie? Uncle? You're here! You're here! Come in! Mom was so warm,
00:54:31as if an important guest had arrived. Ashley pushed her suitcases into my room and looked around from
00:54:37the doorway. Auntie, can this bookshelf be moved out? I want to put a vanity mirror here. Of course.
00:54:44Mallory, move the bookshelf out. On my bookshelf were three years of notebooks, reference books,
00:54:50and a few certificates. It took me an hour to move everything into a corner of Chloe's room.
00:54:55That night, I laid a mattress on the floor of Chloe's room.
00:55:00Sis, why don't you sleep on the bed? I'll sleep on the floor. No, the floor is fine. Ashley is
00:55:08actually
00:55:08okay. Don't be upset. Ashley was never what upset me. What hurt was that in this house, I was always
00:55:17the one expected to give way. On the third day, I went back to my room to get review materials
00:55:23and
00:55:23opened the door to find Ashley flipping through my math competition notes. These are yours? Your
00:55:28handwriting is so neat. Yeah. Please put them back. I was just looking. You're way too protective of this
00:55:34stuff. She casually put the notebook back on the desk. I glanced over and suddenly realized one
00:55:39was missing. There was a blue one on the desk. Where is it? I didn't touch it. I didn't see
00:55:43it.
00:55:44I searched for 10 minutes and finally found it in the trash can. Half the cover had been torn off
00:55:49and several pages inside were soaked with coffee. The writing blurred into smears. It was the problem
00:55:54solving notebook I had been organizing since freshman year. Three years. I only had that one copy.
00:55:59Ashley, this? Oh, maybe I knocked it over when I was carrying coffee. Just write another one.
00:56:03I stood in the doorway holding the drenched notebook, my hands shaking.
00:56:10I took the notebook back to Chloe's room and dried it page by page with a hair broyer.
00:56:16Where the writing was blurred, I slowly filled it back in with a pencil.
00:56:23I worked until one in the morning. The next morning, Ashley sat in my old seat, chatting
00:56:28happily with mom. No one asked why the circles under my eyes were so dark or what had happened
00:56:33last night. And I no longer needed to wait for that one last time. From that day on, I began
00:56:39preparing
00:56:39to leave. Until the day I received my acceptance letter, I knew the time had come to leave this house.
00:56:44I packed my suitcase and bought a Greyhouse ticket for the early dawn departure the next day.
00:56:48The destination was Pittsburgh. Then I walked to the door and placed my house key on the small
00:56:53entryway table. I left the group chat and deactivated my old phone number.
00:56:58The screen went dark. The whole world suddenly became much quieter.
00:57:03I pulled my suitcase, opened the door, and closed it softly behind me.
00:57:20This family celebrates everyone's birthday. Everyone's but mine. Because my parents only
00:57:26love my twin siblings, Ethan and Chloe. They don't love me. When Ethan wants a birthday party,
00:57:32my parents book a private room at his favorite steakhouse a month in advance.
00:57:37When it's Chloe's turn and she wants to go to Six Flags, the whole family goes. Mom even posts nine
00:57:42photos on Instagram. But on my birthday, this house always treats it like any other day.
00:57:48I thought turning 18 would be different. That morning, I got up early on purpose, put on light
00:57:54makeup, and sat on the living room couch to wait. Mom walked past me on her way out, carrying Chloe's
00:58:00dance bag. Heat up your own lunch. I'm taking Chloe to her intensive class.
00:58:06Dad was watering tomatoes in the backyard. Ethan called him to go play basketball at the park,
00:58:12and the two of them left soon after. At noon, I was the only one left in the house.
00:58:17I sent a message in the family group chat. I'm 18 today. No one replied. At seven that night,
00:58:25everybody came home. No one sang. No one felt like anything was missing. I was 18 now. At last,
00:58:32I could decide for myself where I wanted to go. Mallory, delete that message from the group chat.
00:58:39I almost missed Grandpa's voice message. Ethan didn't even look up. He tapped the edge of his
00:58:46plate, lightly with his dinner knife, signaling Mom to give him more ribs. I looked down at my phone.
00:58:54The message in the family chat, I'm 18 today, was still sitting there. No one had replied.
00:59:01Mom came over with a plate of garlic bread and set it in the middle of the table.
00:59:07All right. No phones at dinner.
00:59:11I looked at the food on the table. Ethan liked ribs. Chloe liked mac and cheese. Mom had made the
00:59:17salad for herself. Not a single dish was for me. I liked seafood. Grilled salmon was my favorite.
00:59:25I had said it so many times. No one in this family remembered. Dad, today, Dad set down his iced
00:59:35tea
00:59:36and glanced at me. The next second, he turned back to Ethan. How's your wrist from basketball this
00:59:41afternoon? Does the sprain still hurt? It's okay. Shoot. It aches a little when I shoot. I'll take you to
00:59:48a
00:59:48sports therapist tomorrow. My words died in midair. I finished dinner quietly and went to wash the
00:59:54dishes. I turned the faucet on high. From the living room came the sound of Chloe practicing ballet
01:00:02basics, her toes landing against the floor one by one. Mom counted beats beside her. Ethan was playing
01:00:08Xbox in his room, shouting every few minutes. Dad was on the couch with his iPad. Everyone in this house
01:00:14had something of their own. Everyone had someone answering them. Except me. I stood in the kitchen,
01:00:23washing platelets and cups for five people. The water was loud. Loud enough that even if I cried,
01:00:30no one would hear. After the dishes, I went back to my room and shut the door. My phone lit
01:00:36up. It was a
01:00:36message in the class group chat. It was the only happy birthday I had received all day from a classmate
01:00:41I
01:00:41had known for less than a year. I replied, thank you. Then I opened my photo album and kept scrolling
01:00:47back. After I turned six, mom's camera had almost completely turned toward them. Most of the photos
01:00:52were of them. I scrolled for a long time before I finally found one. It was from when I was
01:00:57nine and
01:00:58had entered the school speech contest. Mom had taken it from the audience. The photo was blurry. Only half
01:01:04my body was in it because the other half of the frame was Chloe in the front row, turning back
01:01:10toward the
01:01:10camera with a bright smile. I stood off stage in front of the microphone, my face barely visible.
01:01:17The phone screen dimmed and my face appeared in the black reflection. 18-year-old Mallory Hayes had
01:01:24spent the whole morning putting on makeup, waited all day, and still hadn't gotten a single happy
01:01:29birthday. Mom's voice came from outside the door. Mallory, wake your sister at seven tomorrow morning.
01:01:37She has training at 8.30. Okay.
01:01:44Hey sis, it's seven. Chloe had woken up on her own. She stood in my doorway in a pink leotard,
01:01:50her hair half-tied. I checked my phone. 6.53. My alarm hadn't even gone off.
01:01:57You got up by yourself? Yeah. I set an alarm. Mom told you to wake me, but I was afraid
01:02:04you didn't
01:02:04sleep well last night. She said it so casually, but the words still stung. She knew I hadn't slept
01:02:10well last night. I'll help you tie your hair. No, it's fine. I can do it.
01:02:19She turned and left. Chloe had always been like that with me. She wasn't cruel. She just wasn't
01:02:27close. She called me sis, but the word carried no weight. The twins had their own rhythm and I had
01:02:35never been able to enter it. At breakfast, Mom was warming milk for Chloe. Ethan wasn't up yet.
01:02:42Mally, have you eaten? I have. I hadn't. She didn't even check whether there was a bowl I'd used
01:02:49on the table. She just nodded. Chloe, did you pack your water bottle? It's hot today. Drink more water.
01:02:56I did. Mally, drive your sister there. She still doesn't know the stops near the training center.
01:03:03Chloe had been going to that training center for two years. Mom still said she didn't know the way.
01:03:09Okay. As we were leaving, Ethan finally got up and called from his doorway. Mom, what's for breakfast?
01:03:18I left you a bagel and yogurt on the table. A bagel and yogurt? Ethan's regular breakfast.
01:03:25No one had ever asked what I wanted in the morning. On the way to the training center,
01:03:30Chloe sat in the passenger seat scrolling through her phone. She wasn't trying to be cold. It just never
01:03:37occurred to her to talk to me. Sis? When she suddenly spoke, my palm tightened on the wheel.
01:03:47What? That message you sent in the group chat yesterday? Ethan told you to delete it?
01:03:54Yeah. Did you? No. She nodded, then lowered her head to look at her phone again. I waited for a
01:04:04long time,
01:04:05waiting for her to say, happy birthday. She didn't. When we reached the training center,
01:04:10she unbuckled her seat belt. Sis, I'm here. Yeah. Train hard. Can you pick me up this afternoon? I
01:04:18finish at five. I have a study group this afternoon. That was a lie. I had nothing this afternoon. I
01:04:24just
01:04:24didn't want to go. Then I'll ask mom to pick me up. Okay. At 4.50 that afternoon, mom sent
01:04:31a message in
01:04:32the family group chat. Chloe finishes training at five. Who can pick her up? I'm in a meeting. I'm at
01:04:38a friend's house. Mallory, aren't you free this afternoon? I looked at that message. She started
01:04:43with who can pick her up, but in the end, it still landed on me. It's on your way anyway,
01:04:48right? Just
01:04:48go pick her up. It wasn't on my way at all. But in this family, my road was always on
01:04:52the way. My time
01:04:53was always free. I typed okay and sent it. Then I turned my phone face down on the desk.
01:05:01Suddenly, I wondered, what would happen if one day I didn't reply with okay? If I turned off my
01:05:09phone, canceled my number, and disappeared too? Would they first panic because no one could pick
01:05:15up Chloe? Or would they think of me first? I knew the answer. When I picked Chloe up,
01:05:20her face was flushed from training and her hair was damp. Sis, I'm thirsty. Where's your water bottle?
01:05:26Finished it. I handed her the spare bottle of water in the car. Thanks, sis.
01:05:32On the way home, she soon fell asleep against the window. I adjusted the air conditionings so
01:05:37the car wouldn't be so cold. She was the little princess everyone in the family revolved around,
01:05:40and most of the roads I had driven through this city had been for someone else, but not for much
01:05:45longer. Not long after, the school college counselor called me into her office. Mallory Hayes,
01:05:51I saw your awards record. Honorable Ments in the National Math Olympias. That's impressive.
01:05:56Awards like that carry real weight. Which schools are you considering for early applications?
01:06:00I'm still looking. What do your parents think? I haven't told them yet. Something this important,
01:06:06and you're not discussing it with your family first? I want to look into it myself first. I knew that
01:06:11even
01:06:11if I told them, no one would take it seriously. On last month's mock examine, I ranked third in the
01:06:16entire grade. I took a photo of my report card and sent it to the family group chat. My third
01:06:19place ranking
01:06:20stayed in the chat for only a very short while. All it got from mom was one sentence. Not bad.
01:06:24The next message was a video mom sent of Chloe dancing. That afternoon, when I got home, I found
01:06:29a dusty letter among a pile of bills and flyers on the coffee table. It said, congratulations,
01:06:34Mr. and Mrs. Hayes. Your daughter, Mallory Hayes, has received an honorable mention in the National
01:06:38High School Mathematics Olympiad. Two months had passed. The envelope hadn't even been opened. It was
01:06:43tucked between bills and pizza courons, completely forgotten. At dinner, mom answered a FaceTime
01:06:48call from my aunt. My aunt asked about Ethan's swim meet. Mom said he had taken second place in
01:06:53the district, pride filling her voice. My aunt asked about Chloe's dance competition. Mom said she
01:06:58had won gold at regionals, and the judges had praised how steady she was off dyes. How's Mallory?
01:07:03She's applying to college soon too, right? She's doing fine. Third in my grade, a National Math
01:07:10Olympiac Award. In mom's mouth, all of it became doing fine. I sat at the dining table, still holding the
01:07:16award letter that had been forgotten for two months. No one asked how I had been lately. No one turned
01:07:21to me and said, Mallory, what about you? I went back to my room, opened my laptop, and started looking
01:07:25up colleges that would actually care about competition backgrounds. In the end, I stopped at Carnegie Mellon.
01:07:30Hundreds of miles away from home, no one would remember me, only when they needed someone to pick
01:07:34up my sister. I opened the application page. My fingers hovered over the screen for three seconds,
01:07:40before I finally closed it. I decided to try one more time. If they still couldn't see me this time,
01:07:46I would leave. Completely.
01:07:51Mallory, Ashley is coming to stay with us for a while.
01:07:56Give her your room and share with Chloe for now. Saturday morning, mom said it casually while
01:08:01changing shoes by the door. I was sitting at the dining table eating cereal. My spoon stopped in midair.
01:08:10Why my room? Your room gets the best natural light. Ashley hasn't been feeling well lately,
01:08:15and the doctor said more sunlight would be good for her. Ethan's room has a window too. Your brother
01:08:20is a boy. Ashley is a girl. How could they share a room? Then let her stay with Chloe. Chloe
01:08:24needs space
01:08:25to stretch at night. Your room only has a bed and a desk. It's easy to clear out. How long
01:08:29is she staying?
01:08:30About half a month. Her summer program is over here. I didn't argue anymore. Experience had taught me a long
01:08:35time ago that arguing was useless. That afternoon, Ashley came in dragging two large suitcases,
01:08:41smiling sweetly. Auntie? Uncle? You're here! You're here! Come in! Mom was so warm, as if an
01:08:50important guest had arrived. Ashley pushed her suitcases into my room and looked around from the
01:08:56doorway. Auntie, can this bookshelf be moved out? I want to put a vanity mirror here. Of course.
01:09:03Mallory, move the bookshelf out. On my bookshelf were three years of notebooks, reference books,
01:09:09and a few certificates. It took me an hour to move everything into a corner of Chloe's room.
01:09:14That night, I laid a mattress on the floor of Chloe's room.
01:09:19Sis, why don't you sleep on the bed? I'll sleep on the floor. No, the floor is fine. Ashley is
01:09:27actually
01:09:27okay. Don't be upset. Ashley was never what upset me. What hurt was that in this house,
01:09:35I was always the one expected to give way. On the third day, I went back to my room to
01:09:41get review
01:09:42materials and opened the door to find Ashley flipping through my math competition notes.
01:09:46These are yours? Your handwriting is so neat. Yeah. Please put them back. I was just looking. You're
01:09:52way too protective of this stuff. She casually put the notebook back on the desk. I glanced over
01:09:57and suddenly realized one was missing. There was a blue one on the desk. Where is it? I didn't touch
01:10:02it. I didn't see it. I searched for 10 minutes and finally found it in the trash can. Half the
01:10:07cover
01:10:07had been torn off and several pages inside were soaked with coffee. The writing blurred into smears.
01:10:12It was the problem-solving notebook I had been organizing since freshman year. Three years. I only
01:10:17had that one copy. Ashley, this? Oh, maybe I knocked it over when I was carrying coffee. Just write another
01:10:22one. I stood in the doorway holding the drenched notebook, my hands shaking.
01:10:29I took the notebook back to Chloe's room and dried it page by page with a hair broyer.
01:10:36Where the writing was blurred, I slowly filled it back in with a pencil.
01:10:42I worked until one in the morning. The next morning, Ashley sat in my old seat,
01:10:47chatting happily with mom. No one asked why the circles under my eyes were so dark or what had
01:10:51happened last night. And I no longer needed to wait for that one last time. From that day on,
01:10:57I began preparing to leave. Until the day I received my acceptance letter, I knew the time
01:11:02had come to leave this house. I packed my suitcase and bought a Greyhouse ticket for the early dawn
01:11:06departure the next day. The destination was Pittsburgh. Then I walked to the door and placed
01:11:11my house key on the small entryway table. I left the group chat and deactivated my old phone number.
01:11:17The screen went dark. The whole world suddenly became much quieter.
01:11:22I pulled my suitcase, opened the door, and closed it softly behind me.
01:11:39This family celebrates everyone's birthday. Everyone's but mine. Because my parents only
01:11:45love my twin siblings, Ethan and Chloe. They don't love me. When Ethan wants a birthday party,
01:11:51my parents book a private room at his favorite steakhouse a month in advance.
01:11:56When it's Chloe's turn and she wants to go to Six Flags, the whole family goes. Mom even posts nine
01:12:01photos on Instagram. But on my birthday, this house always treats it like any other day. I thought
01:12:07turning 18 would be different. That morning, I got up early on purpose, put on light makeup,
01:12:13and sat on the living room couch to wait. Mom walked past me on her way out, carrying Chloe's dance
01:12:19bag.
01:12:20Heat up your own lunch. I'm taking Chloe to her intensive class.
01:12:25Dad was watering tomatoes in the backyard. Ethan called him to go play basketball at the park,
01:12:31and the two of them left soon after. At noon, I was the only one left in the house. I
01:12:37sent a message
01:12:38in the family group chat. I'm 18 today. No one replied. At seven that night, everybody came home. No one
01:12:45sang. No one felt like anything was missing. I was 18 now. At last, I could decide for myself where
01:12:53I
01:12:53wanted to go. Mallory, delete that message from the group chat. I almost missed grandpa's voice message.
01:13:01Ethan didn't even look up. He tapped the edge of his plate lightly with his dinner knife, signaling Mom to
01:13:09give him more ribs. I looked down at my phone. The message in the family chat, I'm 18 today, was
01:13:16still
01:13:16sitting there. No one had replied. Mom came over with a plate of garlic bread and set it in the
01:13:23middle of
01:13:24the table. All right. No phones at dinner. I looked at the food on the table. Ethan liked ribs. Chloe
01:13:34liked
01:13:35mac and cheese. Mom had made the salad for herself. Not a single dish was for me. I liked seafood.
01:13:42Grilled salmon was my favorite. I had said it so many times. No one in this family remembered.
01:13:50Dad, today... Dad set down his iced tea and glanced at me. The next second, he turned back to Ethan.
01:13:59How's your wrist from basketball this afternoon? Does the sprain still hurt? It's okay. Shoot. It
01:14:05aches a little when I shoot. I'll take you to a sports therapist tomorrow. My words died in midair.
01:14:11I finished dinner quietly and went to wash the dishes. I turned the faucet on high.
01:14:18From the living room came the sound of Chloe practicing ballet basics, her toes landing
01:14:23against the floor one by one. Mom counted beats beside her. Ethan was playing Xbox in his room,
01:14:28shouting every few minutes. Dad was on the couch with his iPad. Everyone in this house had something
01:14:34of their own. Everyone had someone answering them. Except me. I stood in the kitchen, washing
01:14:43platelets and cups for five people. The water was loud. Loud enough that even if I cried, no one would
01:14:50hear. After the dishes, I went back to my room and shut the door. My phone lit up. It was
01:14:55a message in
01:14:56the class group chat. It was the only happy birthday I had received all day from a classmate I had
01:15:01known
01:15:01for less than a year. I replied, thank you. Then I opened my photo album and kept scrolling back. After
01:15:07I
01:15:07turned six, Mom's camera had almost completely turned toward them. Most of the photos were of
01:15:11them. I scrolled for a long time before I finally found one. It was from when I was nine and
01:15:17had
01:15:17entered the school speech contest. Mom had taken it from the audience. The photo was blurry. Only half
01:15:23my body was in it because the other half of the frame was Chloe in the front row, turning back
01:15:29toward
01:15:29the camera with a bright smile. I stood off stage in front of the microphone, my face barely visible.
01:15:36The phone screen dimmed and my face appeared in the black reflection. 18-year-old Mallory Hayes had
01:15:43spent the whole morning putting on makeup, waited all day and still hadn't gotten a single happy birthday.
01:15:49Mom's voice came from outside the door.
01:15:52Mom's voice came from outside the door. Mallory, wake your sister at seven tomorrow morning. She has
01:15:57training at 8.30. Okay.
01:16:03Hey, sis. It's seven. Chloe had woken up on her own. She stood in my doorway in a pink leotard,
01:16:09her hair half-tied. I checked my phone. 6.53. My alarm hadn't even gone off.
01:16:16You got up by yourself? Yeah. I set an alarm. Mom told you to wake me, but I was afraid
01:16:23you didn't
01:16:23sleep well last night. She said it so casually, but the words still stung. She knew I hadn't slept
01:16:29well last night. I'll help you tie your hair. No, it's fine. I can do it. She turned and left.
01:16:41Chloe had always been like that with me. She wasn't cruel. She just wasn't close.
01:16:47She called me sis, but the word carried no weight. The twins had their own rhythm,
01:16:54and I had never been able to enter it. At breakfast, Mom was warming milk for Chloe.
01:16:59Ethan wasn't up yet. Mally, have you eaten? I have.
01:17:04I hadn't. She didn't even check whether there was a bowl I'd used on the table.
01:17:09She just nodded. Chloe, did you pack your water bottle? It's hot today. Drink more water.
01:17:15I did. Mally, drive your sister there. She still doesn't know the stops near the training center.
01:17:22Chloe had been going to that training center for two years. Mom still said she didn't know the way.
01:17:28Okay. As we were leaving, Ethan finally got up and called from his doorway. Mom, what's for breakfast?
01:17:37I left you a bagel and yogurt on the table. A bagel and yogurt? Ethan's regular breakfast.
01:17:44No one had ever asked what I wanted in the morning. On the way to the training center,
01:17:49Chloe sat in the passenger seat scrolling through her phone. She wasn't trying to be cold. It just never
01:17:56occurred to her to talk to me. Sis? When she suddenly spoke, my palm tightened on the wheel.
01:18:07What? That message you sent in the group chat yesterday? Ethan told you to delete it?
01:18:13Yeah. Did you? No. She nodded, then lowered her head to look at her phone again.
01:18:22I waited for a long time, waiting for her to say, happy birthday. She didn't.
01:18:28When we reached the training center, she unbuckled her seat belt.
01:18:31Sis, I'm here.
01:18:33Yeah. Train hard. Can you pick me up this afternoon? I finish at five.
01:18:38I have a study group this afternoon. That was a lie. I had nothing this afternoon. I just didn't want
01:18:44to go.
01:18:44Then I'll ask mom to pick me up. Okay. At 4.50 that afternoon, mom sent a message in the
01:18:51family group chat.
01:18:53Chloe finishes training at five. Who can pick her up? I'm in a meeting.
01:18:56I'm at a friend's house. Mallory, aren't you free this afternoon? I looked at that message.
01:19:02She started with, who can pick her up? But in the end, it still landed on me.
01:19:05It's on your way anyway, right? Just go pick her up. It wasn't on my way at all. But in
01:19:10this family,
01:19:10my road was always on the way. My time was always free. I typed okay and sent it. Then I
01:19:16turned my
01:19:16phone face down on the desk. Suddenly, I wondered, what would happen if one day I didn't reply with
01:19:26okay? If I turned off my phone, canceled my number, and disappeared too? Would they first panic because
01:19:33no one could pick up Chloe? Or would they think of me first? I knew the answer. When I picked
01:19:38Chloe up,
01:19:39her face was flushed from training, and her hair was damp.
01:19:42Sis, I'm thirsty. Where's your water bottle? Finished it. I handed her the spare bottle
01:19:48of water in the car. Thanks, sis. On the way home, she soon fell asleep against the window.
01:19:54I adjusted the air conditionings so the car wouldn't be so cold. She was the little princess
01:19:58everyone in the family revolved around, and most of the roads I had driven through this city had been
01:20:02for someone else, but not for much longer. Not long after, the school college counselor called me
01:20:08into her office. Mallory Hayes, I saw your awards record. Honorable Ments in the National Math Olympias.
01:20:14That's impressive. Awards like that carry real weight. Which schools are you considering for
01:20:18early applications? I'm still looking. What do your parents think? I haven't told them yet.
01:20:24Something this important, and you're not discussing it with your family first?
01:20:28I want to look into it myself first. I knew that even if I told them, no one would take
01:20:32it seriously.
01:20:33On last month's mock examine, I ranked third in the entire grade. I took a photo of my report card
01:20:37and
01:20:37sent it to the family group chat. My third place ranking stayed in the chat for only a very short
01:20:40while. All it got from mom was one sentence. Not bad. The next message was a video mom sent of
01:20:45Chloe dancing. That afternoon, when I got home, I found a dusty letter among a pile of bills and
01:20:50flyers on the coffee table. It said, Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Hayes. Your daughter, Mallory Hayes,
01:20:55has received an honorable mention in the National High School Mathematics Olympiad. Two months had
01:21:00passed. The envelope hadn't even been opened. It was tucked between bills and pizza courons,
01:21:04completely forgotten. At dinner, mom answered a FaceTime call from my aunt. My aunt asked about
01:21:09Ethan's swim meet. Mom said he had taken second place in the district, pride filling her voice.
01:21:14My aunt asked about Chloe's dance competition. Mom said she had won gold at regionals,
01:21:18and the judges had praised how steady she was off dyes. How's Mallory? She's applying to college
01:21:23soon too, right? She's doing fine. Third in my grade, a National Math Olympiac award. In mom's mouth,
01:21:31all of it became doing fine. I sat at the dining table, still holding the award letter that had
01:21:36been forgotten for two months. No one asked how I had been lately. No one turned to me and said,
01:21:41Mallory, what about you? I went back to my room, opened my laptop, and started looking up colleges
01:21:45that would actually care about competition backgrounds. In the end, I stopped at Carnegie Mellon.
01:21:50Hundreds of miles away from home, no one would remember me, only when they needed someone to pick up
01:21:53my sister. I opened the application page. My fingers hovered over the screen for three seconds
01:21:59before I finally closed it. I decided to try one more time. If they still couldn't see me this time,
01:22:05I would leave. Completely.
01:22:10Mallory, Ashley is coming to stay with us for a while.
01:22:15Give her your room and share with Chloe for now. Saturday morning, Mom said it casually while
01:22:20changing shoes by the door. I was sitting at the dining table eating cereal. My spoon stopped in
01:22:26midair. Why my room? Your room gets the best natural light. Ashley hasn't been feeling well
01:22:34lately and the doctor said more sunlight would be good for her. Ethan's room has a window too.
01:22:39Your brother is a boy. Ashley is a girl. How could they share a room? Then let her stay with
01:22:42Chloe.
01:22:43Chloe needs space to stretch at night. Your room only has a bed and a desk. It's easy to clear
01:22:47out.
01:22:47How long is she staying? About half a month. Her summer program is over here.
01:22:51I didn't argue anymore. Experience had taught me a long time ago that arguing was useless.
01:22:56That afternoon, Ashley came in dragging two large suitcases, smiling sweetly.
01:23:03Auntie? Uncle? You're here! You're here! Come in! Mom was so warm, as if an important guest had arrived.
01:23:11Ashley pushed her suitcases into my room and looked around from the doorway.
01:23:15Auntie, can this bookshelf be moved out? I want to put a vanity mirror here.
01:23:21Of course. Mallory, move the bookshelf out. On my bookshelf were three years of notebooks,
01:23:27reference books, and a few certificates. It took me an hour to move everything into a corner of Chloe's
01:23:33room. That night, I laid a mattress on the floor of Chloe's room.
01:23:49Ashley was never what upset me. What hurt was that in this house, I was always the one expected to
01:23:56give way.
01:23:58On the third day, I went back to my room to get review materials and opened the door to find
01:24:02Ashley
01:24:03flipping through my math competition notes. These are yours? Your handwriting is so neat.
01:24:08Yeah. Please put them back. I was just looking. You're way too protective of this stuff.
01:24:13She casually put the notebook back on the desk. I glanced over and suddenly realized one was missing.
01:24:18There was a blue one on the desk. Where is it? I didn't touch it. I didn't see it. I
01:24:23searched for 10 minutes
01:24:23and finally found it in the trash can. Half the cover had been torn off and several pages inside were
01:24:29soaked with coffee. The writing blurred into smears. It was the problem-solving notebook I had been organizing
01:24:33since freshman year. Three years. I only had that one copy. Ashley, this? Oh, maybe I knocked it over
01:24:39when I was carrying coffee. Just write another one. I stood in the doorway holding the drenched notebook,
01:24:43my hands shaking. I took the notebook back to Chloe's room and dried it page by page with a hair
01:24:52broyer. Where the writing was blurred, I slowly filled it back in with a pencil.
01:25:01I worked until one in the morning. The next morning, Ashley sat in my old seat, chatting happily with
01:25:06mom. No one asked why the circles under my eyes were so dark or what had happened last night, and
01:25:12I no
01:25:12longer needed to wait for that one last time. From that day on, I began preparing to leave.
01:25:18Until the day I received my acceptance letter, I knew the time had come to leave this house.
01:25:22I packed my suitcase and bought a Greyhouse ticket for the early dawn departure the next day.
01:25:26The destination was Pittsburgh. Then I walked to the door and placed my house key on the small
01:25:31entryway table. I left the group chat and deactivated my old phone number. The screen went dark. The whole
01:25:38world suddenly became much quieter. I pulled my suitcase, opened the door, and closed it softly behind me.
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