00:00sometimes we give and even though we may not expect something back materially we expect it
00:06back in the form of some compliments or appreciation or gratitude and that also can
00:13rob us of spiritual blessing if we have that expectation of a kind of return
00:25praise god um so i just i have uh two questions that i'd like to ask but before i do
00:32i just wanted
00:33to give a vote of thanks um thank you so much for making this commitment and investing in our
00:39marriage personally i'm also just really excited about all the singles in the in the seminar um
00:45you all are getting incredible information as you prepare for marriage um i'll go into the
00:52questions here so the first one is in the first and in the third uh seminar we talked about um
01:00a man
01:01and a man will leave his um parents and become joined with his with his um wife and the two
01:06become
01:07one flesh so we need to be careful about not interfering or allowing interferences into our
01:15marriages but i wanted to ask how can we handle um offering advice to our friends and family
01:22while avoiding the trap of interfering in their in their marital issues um so that's the first question
01:30the second question that i wanted to ask um is pertaining to today's session so today we talked
01:37about giving we talked about generosity um while also avoiding debt but i also wanted to ask how can
01:44we handle or what's the best way to handle uh friends and family that you know borrow money from us
01:51that
01:51ask to borrow money from us so those are my two questions that i have thank you it's important to
01:58emphasize that
02:02advice encouragement in the lights of god's word is not interference because interference infers
02:13that you are contributing something that is causing a problem not contributing something that is leading
02:22to solution the danger in giving advice or encouragement let's say to family members or friends is when we
02:32we begin to express human sympathy and perhaps we adjust the standards of god's word because of our familiarity to
02:45the people concerned
02:46and in that respect such words of advice or counsel are not very helpful because it's not nice words
02:55or sympathetic words or sympathetic words that really bring change it's the truth of god's word but
03:02if you as a brother in christ or a couple in christ see a friend or family member with a
03:10challenge and you
03:10give them advice in the lights of god's word that's not interference that's an expression of love that's an expression
03:18of
03:18of of you sharing what god has revealed to you to them and of course you
03:26plant the seed believing that the holy spirit is the one who can use that seed to make it work
03:34in their
03:35hearts so advice in the lights of truth counsel in the lights of truth encouragement in the lights of truth
03:44is not interference i wouldn't want you to look at it from that perspective your concern as a married
03:51couple and as people of god is to speak the truth in love and as i said that's one of
04:00the temptations
04:01when we're dealing with family members or friends we can sometimes have a temptation to dilute the truth
04:07or perhaps compromise with the truth or water it down because of familiarity or because we have
04:13you know a personal connection so stand on the truth speak the truth in love and the truth will set
04:21you free and set others free so that's not an interference that would be my encouragement on the first
04:28question now the second question i would say that as a christian
04:39you should be very careful not to fall into the trap of giving with the expectation of receiving it back
04:53if you're in a position to give i would encourage you to give not to loan that would be my
05:01encouragement
05:01when it comes to friends and family members because if you give and there's this informal type of
05:10understanding that the person is going to give you back it unfortunately can open the door to offense
05:19unnecessarily when perhaps the other person does not respond in the way you expect and that can
05:25muddy the waters of the relationship so this is down to you as a husband and wife if you look
05:31at your
05:32finances and someone requests or you see someone in the family in need and you can give them my
05:37encouragement would be to give without strings attached without expecting it back in return if you give in
05:44the family and then later the person says oh what you gave me and they give it back to you
05:49oh glory be
05:50to god but you don't have a condition you don't now begin to next week say sorry where's the money
05:57i gave to
05:57you because that as i said can easily muddy the waters in that relationship you as a husband and wife
06:05look at your finances you know what you have and you you you give from what you have so another
06:12aspect of
06:12this question is that don't be afraid to say no if you're not in a position too because sometimes we
06:21can end up giving from a place of pressure because someone asks and it's not really from our hearts or
06:33we don't give cheerfully and in that scenario if you don't give cheerfully you don't give from your hearts
06:40you're going to rob yourself of the spiritual benefits associated with it because after giving
06:45you'll likely have some regrets or you'll likely harbor something in your hearts and because you
06:50didn't really mean it so give freely give without conditions attached if it's a family member or a
06:59friend at the end of the day the principle of giving is not based on the person is based on
07:04the act so you
07:04could give and it could be to a family member but it shouldn't be restricted only i only do good
07:10works
07:10i only do charitable things to my family or my cycle of friends no it's very good when you can
07:17give to
07:17someone who is never going to be able to come and say thank you to you because that is one
07:23of the great
07:24tests sometimes we give and even though we may not expect something back materially we expect it back in
07:31the form of some compliments or appreciation or gratitude and that also can rob us of spiritual
07:39blessing if we have that expectation of a kind of return so just be conscious of that when it comes
07:45to
07:46supporting or helping friends or family members i would advise you to give without condition as far as
07:53you're in a position to and leave it for good yes and i would like to um just add that
08:01uh when we talk
08:02about family and friends and people that are close to us i think that as a christian and is if
08:09we are
08:10striving to do the right thing following jesus being like jesus what we can do for them if they require
08:17an
08:17advice of if they are going through a difficult situation will be always to point them to the word of
08:23god and i think it's at that point when also what brother chris says about telling them the truth
08:30comes because that's our responsibility no matter how much we love them how close we are to them
08:37whether if they are our brother sister cousin mother and father at the end of the day um it's all
08:44about
08:45our own relationship with god so what we can do is to encourage them to appointing them all the time
08:51to
08:51the word of god and when we're talking about this financial help i also want to add that in
08:58everything as a christian we have to verify everything in in the light of god's word because
09:05it could be situations with some family members but actually if you are going to give them something
09:11financially speaking is not going to be actually helpful uh because not every help is helpful so
09:19depending on the situation that's why even when you face something like this a family member comes
09:24to you to ask you for a financial help you and your wife you need to pray and you need
09:30to have that
09:31conviction in your heart and let the holy spirit guide you because you also don't want to to just give
09:36if that a financial gift is not going to bless them really it's not a striking maybe the problem the
09:45the person has maybe it's actually nurturing a weakness in the person so it depends on the context but
09:53but i just want to emphasize that um just always also um seek god's face and god's opinion about
10:02decisions like like this uh of course we we we are to have this giving heart uh but especially with
10:09people that is too close with us it's is good to have that peace of heart that okay
10:14okay we are giving them from our hearts and and and and praying that that help is going to
10:20to help them no nourishing weakness or actually worsening a problem that the person has and the reason why the
10:29person is in that financial situation
10:37what we see as poverty is not true poverty from a spiritual perspective poverty is not
10:50the lack of finances or resources true poverty is when you are purposeless not penniless
11:01and we are going to serve you and it is iowa
11:05it's just a while
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