- 5 weeks ago
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00:29Satsang with Mooji
00:52What's with the laundry stuff all over?
00:55I've got to find my blue skirt for the picture.
00:57What picture?
00:58Oh, Dad's getting a photographer to take some stupid family portrait.
01:02He's doing what?
01:04So you're saying if I order the 32-piece package, you'll throw in the wallet size?
01:08Dan!
01:09One sec, babe.
01:10Yeah, I understand the offer expires this weekend.
01:12What are you doing?
01:15I think I better talk to my wife first.
01:18Right, bye.
01:23Honey, guess what I just did.
01:25It doesn't have anything to do with a once-in-a-lifetime money-saving offer, does it?
01:30No.
01:31What would you say to a full-color commemorative family portrait?
01:35Of whose family?
01:38Ours.
01:39What do we need that for?
01:41Claus, this came today.
01:42We've got a 15-year high school reunion coming up.
01:45Don't spare me.
01:47What happened to your school spirit?
01:49I lost it on prom night, along with everything else.
01:56Oh, great, cream style.
01:59No, check this out.
02:01The reading committee is updating the yearbook, and they want us to send in a family portrait.
02:05Why?
02:05To see if we've improved with age?
02:08Rosanne, people are going to be looking at this yearbook for years to come.
02:11Um, I think we should send in the best picture we possibly can.
02:14We should send them in that one of us in Yellowstone Park.
02:18Rosie, we're mooning old faithful in that one.
02:23I know, but it fits in with the theme here, looking back on 15 years.
02:30Whose lame-brain idea is this anyways?
02:33Oh, my God, it's Phyllis Zimmer.
02:35That pointy head a little phony.
02:38Now, wasn't she the one that was always in charge of everything in high school?
02:41Yeah, she was in charge of making me sick.
02:45Remember her pep?
02:47Come on, everybody, grab some crank paper.
02:49We're going to go in the gym and decorate it, and then we'll make brunch.
02:54I like it.
02:56Do it again, only jump up and down and shake your pom-poms.
03:00Get away from me.
03:01You know why she wants us to send in a picture?
03:04Make sure that her life turned out the best.
03:13Mom, teacher's bothering me.
03:15I'm a cowboy.
03:17No, you're not any kind of a cowboy.
03:22Whoopie-tie, yeah, yeah, yeah.
03:25Get along, little doggie.
03:30Well, I only will be your new home.
03:37Mom, I can't do my homework.
03:39You can't do your homework because the TV's on.
03:43Give me that rope, partner.
03:44I need that for your daddy.
03:46Can I tie you up?
03:47Yeah.
03:48Yeah, I don't mean to push, but I've got to call Flash Photo back and let him know what the
03:51deal is here.
03:52Boy, your tail's really wagging over this picture, isn't it?
03:55Oh!
03:56Picture?
03:57What picture?
03:58Are we getting our picture taken?
04:00We're thinking about it.
04:01Well, you guys aren't going to do what you did in Yellowstone, are you?
04:06We're thinking about it.
04:14Where's your lunch?
04:16I ate it.
04:17Just one.
04:19Hey, Roseanne, I hear Dan kept you up half the night last night.
04:24It's not as good as it sounds, porno head.
04:29He was up all night looking for a belt that matched with his tie and his shirt.
04:33He's going to wear himself out over this picture.
04:36Yeah, and I have to, like, give up a whole Saturday to impress some people I didn't even like back
04:40then.
04:40I sure cared what my schoolmates thought.
04:43We know, Crystal.
04:46They voted me second runner-up for Junior Sweetheart Queen.
04:50I would have won, except for Trish D. Bain.
04:53She got her hair done.
04:55Which was against the rules.
04:57I know the type.
04:59Perfect hair, perfect tee.
05:01Matching sweater and headband.
05:04I think that's a smart look.
05:08Well, that's why you came in second, Crystal.
05:11I always hated those frilly-dilly types.
05:15Yeah, we had a girl like that in our school, huh, sis?
05:18I don't even like remembering it.
05:20Her locker was next to mine this one day, and I didn't know my rifle was loaded.
05:29It blew her right in half.
05:32It didn't know.
05:34It took me almost all a fifth period to get over it.
05:40There's no paper towels.
05:41You know, this is the third time this week.
05:43How come there's always paper towels in the men's room?
05:45They never dry their hands.
05:47Yeah, because they never wash their hands.
05:50I don't know why management can't give us the supplies we need.
05:54Uh, this has got nothing to do with paper towels.
05:58This is just a sneaky old play-by-management
06:00to get us all worked up in a hop about small stuff
06:02so we never think about things that are really important
06:04like, uh, benefits and pay raises and, uh, uh, pressure vending items.
06:09Those slime balls are trying to break us.
06:12You're right.
06:13Yeah, I get so sick of how you guys get so worked up over every little thing.
06:17I always sit down.
06:18That's all my little thing.
06:23Hi, Rosanne!
06:28What did I tell you about going in there?
06:31Well, she likes it in there.
06:34She wants to be a man.
06:36That makes two of us happy.
06:43Hey, ladies, not only do they have all the paper towels,
06:46but they've got great big old drinking fountains in there, too.
06:51I mean, what the problem with you women is,
06:54you use too damn many paper towels.
06:56Oh, shut up or I'll wipe my hands on your bald head.
07:00Tell you what, I'll make sure that you ladies get some paper towels, all right?
07:03Hey, Booker, we want him now, or we don't go back to work.
07:08Strike, strike, strike, strike!
07:12He get some towels.
07:14Oh, yeah!
07:35Hey, Dad!
07:36Look, you know what would be cool?
07:37We could put this in the picture.
07:38No, that would be too much, honey.
07:40Oh, come on, Dad, it would be so cool.
07:41Look, we could put it right here.
07:44Yeah, it does add a certain something.
07:46I hate my hair, I hate my clothes, I hate my face.
07:50Oh, well, that makes two of us.
07:54Honey, I already told you, you look fine.
07:56I can't get my hair right.
07:58Shave it and shut up.
08:00I hate this sweater.
08:02Hey, Dad, you know what would be cool?
08:04We could all wear our sunglasses and hang out the back of the truck.
08:09Ixnay on the shades, princess.
08:10Let's just try and look like a normal family.
08:13Well, why can't we be ourselves?
08:17How do I look, Dad?
08:19Ha-ha, drawer, amigo.
08:22Daddy's little man.
08:26What about this?
08:27Fine, perfect.
08:28Okay, come on.
08:28DJ, you stand here.
08:30Becky, you're here.
08:31Darlene, you're over here.
08:32Darlene.
08:33Hey, up.
08:34Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
08:35Yeah.
08:36Okay, you're over here.
08:38Mom's here.
08:40Okay, I'm here.
08:41Darlene, you're blocking the trophy.
08:43Okay.
08:47Hey, this ain't too shabby.
08:48We look pretty good.
08:50Rosie, come here and check this out.
08:52Whoa.
08:53Look at Mom.
08:56Ooh la la.
08:57Look at you.
08:58Stunning, ain't it?
08:59I brush my teeth.
09:02What happened to you?
09:04This is the real me.
09:06That's my favorite dress.
09:08Oh, you can wear it tonight when we're alone.
09:12Help me with this necklace, honey.
09:14All right.
09:16Don't choke me now.
09:17Hi.
09:18Hi.
09:19Am I in the wrong house?
09:22You bet.
09:23You want the one right down the street.
09:26You guys look great.
09:28What are you doing here?
09:29Laundry.
09:30It's Saturday.
09:31Besides, I got to make sure this hack photographer you hired doesn't screw the picture up.
09:35Oh, man, Jackie, I have to show you something.
09:40Hey, you look pretty handsome there, sport.
09:43I know.
09:45You know, this is the first time we've had a real photographer take our picture since our wedding day.
09:50Yeah, Black Sunday.
09:53Who are you kidding?
09:55You loved it.
09:56You practically ran down the aisle.
09:58Yeah, but I was just drunk and I meant to go the other way.
10:15Hey, you look so queer.
10:28I can't believe you wore a flip.
10:30That was when I was going through my Marlo Thomas is that girl phase and I was going to go
10:37to New York and become a writer slash spokesmodel.
10:40You gave it all up for a guy with flared nostrils.
10:43You stinky friends.
10:45I think you look pretty.
10:47Well, I think you look pretty, too.
10:50Dad, wouldn't you fall in love with Mom?
10:52Soon as she told me to, honey.
10:55You couldn't pry them apart.
10:57It was disgusting.
10:58Well, what about you, Mom?
11:00Were you always in love with Dad?
11:02He was all man and all mind.
11:04Ooh, baby, baby.
11:06It was shameless the way your mother chased me.
11:09Every day she'd be there at my locker panting and clawing.
11:12Yeah, back in the good old days when I still had a waistline and some estrogen.
11:17I can't believe how young we are here.
11:19We're only five years older than Becky.
11:21Well, don't give her any ideas.
11:24It wasn't all a picnic.
11:26What about that week you broke up with me?
11:28I didn't break up with you.
11:29Yeah, you did.
11:30That week's senior year.
11:31You broke up with me.
11:32I did not.
11:34I was just trying to kick you on your toes and shake you up a bit.
11:37We were at Arnie Patterson's garage dance and we had that big fight and you said you were
11:40going to see other people.
11:41He's right, Roseanne.
11:42I remember because you had just read that article about how to drive your boyfriend wild
11:46by making him jealous.
11:47Well, don't tell him about it.
11:52That's why you don't have a man, because you don't know what to leave out.
11:57Oh, so you leave out the part where you come crawling back on your hands and knees.
12:01You know, you really need to start bleaching your mustache.
12:03It's coming in a lot darker.
12:08Hold that little talk of breath.
12:10I'll get it.
12:11I'll get the door.
12:14Oh, look.
12:15Lee Eggblad.
12:17Oh, Eggie, that psychopath.
12:19I wonder what he's doing now.
12:21Probably 20 to life.
12:23Here she is, your personal favorite.
12:25Oh, Phyllis gagged me Zimmer.
12:27What a waste of boobs.
12:29I can't believe Dan ever took her out.
12:32He never took her out?
12:35What?
12:36When did he take her out?
12:38The week you guys broke up.
12:39No way.
12:41He never told you that?
12:43No.
12:45Well, it wasn't.
12:49Important.
12:53That's a very pretty dress you have on.
13:03Bob, um, we thought that, uh, this spot here would be good for the photo.
13:07Oh, yes.
13:08This is nice.
13:10Now, how many people will be participating in the photo?
13:13Oh, three children and two adults.
13:14Splendid.
13:16Where's Becky?
13:17Oh, she wanted to see us to change again.
13:19Well, go get her.
13:20We're getting ready to start here.
13:22Do you have to go to the bathroom?
13:23No.
13:23Be sure.
13:28Rosie, this is Bob Keeler from Flash Photo.
13:31Hi, Bob.
13:32Hello.
13:34You have a lovely home.
13:38Well, it keeps me off the streets.
13:41You know, we thought that, um, this would be a good spot for the picture.
13:46Hmm.
13:47I don't know.
13:48Do you think Phyllis will like it?
13:51Why should we care what she thinks?
13:54Because 15 years ago, we dated her behind our back.
14:00What are you talking about?
14:0215 years of lies.
14:05What?
14:05Well, uh, we are ready to start.
14:08No.
14:10You went out with her and you didn't even tell me about it.
14:13Rosie, Bob here is on a very tight schedule.
14:15Can this possibly wait?
14:17Another 15 years?
14:19Should I leave?
14:21No, Bob, you're a man.
14:23No.
14:23Let me ask you a question.
14:25Do you think it's a lousy, low-down, sleaze-bag thing to do to lie to your own wife for
14:3015 years?
14:33How many years?
14:35As long as we're giving somebody the third degree, let's start with your sister.
14:38You leave her out of this.
14:39Why does she have to butt her nose into our business?
14:42Hey, it's your fault, not hers.
14:44Jackie?
14:44Yeah?
14:45You're the one that went out with Phyllis, not her.
14:49Thanks, Big Mom.
14:50What?
14:51You had the blab about Phyllis.
14:53Sorry, Dan.
14:54I thought you would have told her by now.
14:55There was nothing to tell.
14:57It was one measly date.
14:59It was so measly.
15:00How come you didn't tell me when we first got back together?
15:03Jackie said not to.
15:05Oh, so you're the one that's responsible for keeping me in the car.
15:08You guys were already back together.
15:09What's the point of bringing it up?
15:11Yeah, honey, it was no big deal.
15:13I was trying to protect you.
15:15Well, if it was no big deal, what were you trying to protect me from?
15:18Roseanne, it was a long time ago.
15:20Well, I've got to get out of here.
15:22I've got some better things to do.
15:26Come on, Roseanne.
15:27We've got a picture to take.
15:30Hey, I just want to know why you went out with her in the first place.
15:34Roseanne, you dumped me.
15:35What was I supposed to do?
15:36Go to your grave wanting me back.
15:40I did want you back.
15:42Yeah, well, you've got a funny way of showing it.
15:45What did you do on this date?
15:48Nothing.
15:49Get more specific than that.
15:51She hopped on my motorcycle.
15:53We went for a ride.
15:54So that's all you did?
15:55You just rode around?
15:57Yeah.
15:58Yeah.
15:59And you didn't stop anyplace?
16:00I don't remember.
16:01We just rode around.
16:03Just riding, riding, riding around, not stopping anywhere.
16:08We might have stopped someplace.
16:11Like where?
16:12Rosie.
16:14Where?
16:14What difference does it make?
16:15Because I want to know.
16:18Watch out, Hill.
16:22Are we ever going to do this?
16:26In a minute.
16:29Roseanne, you broke my heart.
16:33Did you do it with her?
16:36Come on, Roseanne.
16:39Did you?
16:41Yes.
16:48We're ready when you are.
16:50We may have to do this another day.
16:52No, we can do it right now.
16:55We'll do it now.
16:56You sure?
16:57Yeah, let's take the picture.
17:04Roseanne, I'm sorry.
17:23Kids are all tucked in.
17:28Would you watch it?
17:33DJ was so cute.
17:35You want to know if we're getting a divorce.
17:39Are we?
17:43Did I forget to tell you I'm not talking to you?
17:45Look, I want to tell you everything that happened.
17:48You've obviously mistaken me for someone who cares.
17:52Look, when you broke up with me, I don't know.
17:55I guess I was trying to prove something to myself.
17:57I don't know why I picked Phyllis.
18:02Okay, I know.
18:04But she just broke up with her boyfriend.
18:06I ran into her at a party.
18:08We went for a ride.
18:09We wound up on the hill.
18:11And it just sort of happened.
18:15It didn't mean anything.
18:18Could you explain that to me?
18:20Can you tell me how you, you know, make love with somebody and it doesn't mean nothing?
18:25Well, you start with a case of beer.
18:32Then go get me a case of beer so I can shower up with the Chicago Bears.
18:39Hell, honey, they're not even a good team anymore.
18:44Oh, mean something, mean something.
18:46Why does it always have to mean something?
18:48I don't know, Dan.
18:49I just always thought it did.
18:51Look, what happened that long ago doesn't have anything to do with you and me now.
18:56Yes, it does.
18:57Because you're the one person I thought I could trust.
19:01I still am.
19:03Nothing's changed.
19:06Then how come I'm sitting here wondering what else I don't know about you?
19:13I'm asking you to trust me.
19:18God, I hate you.
19:21I hate you too, baby.
19:24No one else has ever mattered.
19:27Then why'd you go all out over this picture?
19:31Did you think I was doing this for Phyllis?
19:34I was doing this for us.
19:36I'm proud of this family.
19:38I'm proud of the fact that we've been married 15 years.
19:41You know how amazing that is?
19:43Yeah, pretty amazing considering I can't stand you.
19:47Everybody said we got married too young that we would never last.
19:52Here we are.
19:54Well, what do you suppose our secret is?
19:58We can't afford to pay two rents.
20:03Hey, give me some of that there blanket.
20:06No.
20:08Come on, I'm freezing.
20:10Well, why don't you go find old Phyllis to warm up your big old butt?
20:15Nobody can warm up my big old butt like you, baby cakes.
20:20Honey pie.
20:23Sugar darling.
20:25Snooki baby.
20:27Et cetera, et cetera.
20:32This is nice.
20:44These shots turned out pretty good.
20:46Eh, they're not too bad.
20:47I should have worn my other bell.
20:49God, if you say one more word about that bell, I'm going to strangle you with it.
20:52You know, I don't look so bad in these.
20:54You're not too ugly.
20:56In fact, I look pretty good.
20:58Can I take this one to school?
21:00Sure.
21:01Darlene's blocking my softball trophy in that one.
21:04This is the one we want to send in the yearbook.
21:06No way.
21:07My eyes are all closed up.
21:10I'll send in that one.
21:13Uh-uh.
21:14I'm making a face in that one.
21:15No, that's your regular face.
21:18I don't look like that.
21:20Yeah, you do.
21:22Well, we're not sending in that one.
21:23Well, we're not sending in the other one.
21:24Well, what are we going to do?
21:25Well, there's always Yellowstone.
21:28Yeah, you get along, little doggie.
21:35You know that Wyoming will be your new car.
21:41You know that Wyoming will be your new car.