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first post on Agent of Shadows, and the score here is lopsided in a way that hurts.

Every external problem gets handled. Four of them, cleanly, mostly off screen. A man with resources shows up, a man with resources stops being a problem.

Zero domestic problems get handled. She won't eat the crusts. She asks who her father is. She asks twice.

He can dismantle a network in an afternoon and he cannot answer a question from a person who's four feet tall.

That's the joke, and it isn't funny for long.

✨ What worked for me:
- The threats are solved fast, almost dismissively.
- The domestic problems never resolve. They just continue.

✨ Bottom line: competence in one area is often how people avoid being incompetent in another.

What have you solved brilliantly while ignoring something small?

— K, karma is a dish best served on screen 🥂

#AgentOfShadows, #Karma, #Regret, #Fatherhood, #ReelShort
文字稿
00:00Fraternity confirmed.
00:03Congrats.
00:04It's a girl.
00:07Why did she tell me it's been eight years?
00:09I mean, you're not exactly the easiest to track down now, are you?
00:12Besides, your baby mama here, Vivian, she's been busy.
00:16Non-profits, charities, she's built her entire empire helping other people.
00:21She's an all-around great person.
00:22As opposed to Raymond Strauss.
00:26Ex-Special Forces, presumed dead twice.
00:29Somehow came back to life and became the world's largest arms dealer.
00:33So he's after Vivian and Millie because of me.
00:38So what do I do?
00:40I'll protect your family, genius.
00:52Hi.
00:59Do you remember me?
01:02I'll take that at the yes.
01:03You snuck off and left me on your dirty little futon.
01:06Yeah, I remember you.
01:07What do you want?
01:09I mean, so what do I even say to her?
01:10It's been eight years.
01:12I want to just walk up to her door and be like,
01:13Hi, I'm your baby's daddy.
01:15I'm a secret agent.
01:15And also, you're in danger because of me.
01:17You know, it doesn't really roll off the tongue there.
01:19No, no bust.
01:19Repeat after me.
01:20I just found out we have a daughter.
01:23And I want to be part of her life.
01:26Hi.
01:27Do I go in with hi or hello?
01:29It doesn't matter.
01:30Just say the rest.
01:31Hi.
01:31I just found out we have a daughter.
01:34And I want to be a part of her life.
01:37So you're crazy.
01:39Got it.
01:39You really think I would have a child with a one-night stand that bailed on me?
01:42I mean, I didn't really bail.
01:43I just had to go.
01:46Dad?
01:47Is that you?
01:48Millie, honey, what did I say about claiming someone's your dad?
01:53It's manipulative.
01:55But he would make a good dad if he looks like a prince.
02:00I have a daughter.
02:02I will do anything to keep her safe.
02:04Actually, Millie, I'm not a prince, but I am.
02:07Headphones.
02:08Okay.
02:12Millie is my world.
02:13You don't get to just show up and be her dad.
02:15Megan, I had no idea she even existed.
02:18Right.
02:18But I'm here now.
02:22And I want to be a part of her life.
02:24You want to be in Millie's life?
02:25Yes, very much.
02:26You can be her nanny.
02:29Excuse me?
02:29Her last nanny moved away.
02:31You want to prove that you can handle being a father?
02:33Then you can start by being a babysitter.
02:37Yeah, that's what I thought.
02:39Well, it was nice seeing you.
02:41Adam, let's catch up again in another eight years, okay?
02:44Come on, baby.
02:46Wait, Millie.
02:47Yeah?
02:49I love the lizard on your shirt.
02:51It's an iguana.
02:52They're my favorite animal.
02:53Is it because they do this?
02:56Who are you?
02:58Well, Millie.
03:01I'm your new nanny.
03:06I'm your new nanny.
03:10So...
03:10You.
03:11You, the world's most deadly and effective secret agent.
03:14You're going to protect your daughter by becoming her nanny.
03:18Yep.
03:18I can't wait to tell the head of the CIA about this.
03:21He's going to laugh his arse off.
03:27You must be Millie's nanny.
03:29I'm Adam.
03:31And you are?
03:32I'm your nanny.
03:33And from what I've heard, your last job was slinging drinks at a dive bar, is that right?
03:39My last job was rescuing the president.
03:41You'll be supervised at all times.
03:43And if you ever try to tell Millie that you're her real father, you will never speak to her again.
03:48Got it?
03:50Vivian.
03:51Hey, Vivian.
03:54We need to talk.
03:55I trust Margot whenever the rule's with you.
03:57Yeah?
03:57But if that sounds like too much, then feel free to disappear for another eight years.
04:02Great.
04:03Now that that's settled, Millie's in the dining room having lunch.
04:11Mr. Adams!
04:12Yay!
04:14Millie, we do not throw forks.
04:16But it's fun to throw forks.
04:18I'm her nanny.
04:20I'll take care of her.
04:24Millie, you see, we're going to throw forks.
04:27You need the proper technique.
04:31Oh, cool!
04:33How do you know how to do that?
04:36My other job.
04:37Mommy said your other job was being a bum.
04:42Can you keep a secret?
04:44Mm-hmm.
04:45My other job is saving the world.
04:48Don't tell anybody.
04:49I won't.
04:50Promise?
04:50Yeah.
04:54What are you doing?
04:56Millie, can you go with Margot, baby?
04:57I've got to talk to Adam.
04:59Okay.
05:01Bye, Mr. Adam.
05:02Bye, Millie.
05:05This was a mistake.
05:07This was a huge mistake.
05:08Again, look, I know you think I'm just a boyfriend.
05:10I can't deal with an irresponsible man-child right now, Adam.
05:12I really can't.
05:13I have way bigger concerns.
05:15Like what?
05:18Like me!
05:26Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
05:28Oh, how many times do I have to tell you, Vivian?
05:34If you want to run your charity operation in my neighborhood, you got to pay.
05:40Otherwise, bad things happen.
05:43People get hurt.
05:48Is that so?
05:52What do we got here?
05:54A little delicate flower.
05:57Who's this, your new boyfriend?
06:00Actually...
06:01He's my daughter's nanny.
06:04Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
06:07He's my daughter's nanny.
06:09That is so cute.
06:11Mr. Mary Poppins.
06:14Tell you what, why don't you go bake me a few cookies while me and your boss, we have a
06:20little one-on-one time.
06:22Actually, I got a better idea.
06:24Adam, whatever you're trying to do, it's not helping.
06:27Look, I know you think I'm just a bartender, but the truth is...
06:29Get out.
06:31Now.
06:32Now.
06:38Run along, Mr. Mom.
06:40Why don't you go dust your knob?
06:43Why us, uh...
06:44Come on, folks.
06:45Have a little talk.
06:50Ha, ha, ha, ha.
06:52Boys, that's how you have a good day.
06:54Right?
06:55You make money.
06:56You have fun.
06:58And you...
06:59Oh, look who it is.
07:01Hello, boys.
07:02It's the nanny.
07:16What are you doing?
07:18You know who the hell I am?
07:19You know what I could do to you with one call?
07:21Do it.
07:23Call him.
07:25I will.
07:26I'm guessing you're gonna call the mayor's office?
07:28And I'll call the mayor.
07:30I'll call a senator, and round and round we go.
07:33You're a small fish.
07:34I have bigger things to worry about than you.
07:36So instead, I just had my people delete your entire digital presence.
07:41Bye-bye, bitch.
07:44So congrats.
07:45You no longer exist.
07:45No.
07:46No, that's impossible.
07:49No.
07:50No.
07:51No!
07:52By the way, there's money for a cab.
07:58If you ever come near Millie or Vivian again, your bank accounts won't be the only thing
08:02that disappeared tonight.
08:05Don't run away, little man.
08:08Get the fuck out of here, all of you.
08:14Who are you?
08:17I'm the nanny.
08:31What did you say to him?
08:33Nothing.
08:33I was just getting this.
08:35This is not a joke.
08:36Adam, these are dangerous people.
08:44Hey, listen.
08:46I'm sorry.
08:47I am so sorry.
08:49We will never, ever bother you again.
08:57Adam, what did you...
09:00Who are you?
09:01Really.
09:03I'm nobody.
09:04I'm just Millie's nanny.
09:06Speaking of which, I should get back to work.
09:07We're baking cookies.
09:13Don't throw that again.
09:15We'll be in the kitchen.
09:16I want to help.
09:24See if you can do it with me on your back.
09:26Okay, let's go.
09:28You ready?
09:29Yeah.
09:29Okay.
09:31Dad, do it.
09:33Where are you going?
09:35Hey.
09:35Hey.
09:36Hey.
09:39Hey.
09:39Mighty Millie.
09:41She's going to dive off the top rope.
09:43Boom.
09:44And the crowd goes wild.
09:46Mighty Millie.
09:47Pow.
09:49Good job, girl.
09:51A couple of times.
09:53And of course,
09:54Mighty Millie.
10:02You sure about this?
10:05It's perfect.
10:07I'm not remotely qualified
10:09to comment on this type of equipment.
10:14It's a birthday present.
10:16These will love it.
10:17She loves iguanas.
10:20I don't know.
10:21I'm out of my depth.
10:23Yep.
10:27Adam.
10:27What are you doing here?
10:29Adam.
10:29Adam.
10:30You came.
10:30You came to my birthday.
10:32How's it going?
10:33Good.
10:33Do you have any cake yet?
10:35No.
10:36Really?
10:37Well, we got to change that.
10:39Leo, Dina, this is Adam.
10:42Oh, the new nanny.
10:44My Jeremy had a little bit too much cake
10:46and he met a huge mess over there.
10:49You don't like cleaning up some vomit, do you?
10:52Oh, my God.
10:54You won't believe who I ran into.
10:55Trevor Maltese, your ex.
10:58Oh, he looks great.
11:00And apparently,
11:02he just ran into a ton of money.
11:03Sounds a little suspicious.
11:18You speak French?
11:20French, Arabic, Russian, Japanese,
11:22a little bit of Latin.
11:23Are you sure?
11:28Fabian, he's mocking us.
11:29Oh, really?
11:30What did I say?
11:30Adam, clean up the bomb, please.
11:34Millie, I brought you a birthday present.
11:38It's an iguana.
11:39It sure is.
11:40Now, when you get scared,
11:42squeeze it and I'll come running.
11:51It's a real iguana.
11:52Sure is, young lady.
11:55Trevor, what are you doing here?
11:58Nice to meet you, little one.
11:59I'm your uncle, Trevor.
12:01You can take this iguana to the room.
12:02Oh, my God.
12:04What a hunk.
12:06I think my ovary just exploded.
12:10Vivian,
12:12I left you nine years ago
12:13because I truly didn't believe
12:15I was worthy of someone
12:16so stunning,
12:18magnificent,
12:18and perfect.
12:20And now I'm back.
12:21And I'm here to tell you
12:22I haven't stopped thinking about you
12:24a single day.
12:26What are you waiting for?
12:28Go to him.
12:29Millie's father is right there.
12:31Oh, come on.
12:32He's a party boy
12:33who knocked you up.
12:33Besides, look at Trevor.
12:36Now that is a man
12:37that could take care of you both.
12:38Vivian,
12:40I'm back to save you.
12:41I don't need saving.
12:42That's not what I heard.
12:43You had some issues
12:44with the Abruzos?
12:46It's been handled.
12:47And who do you think
12:48handled that?
12:50That was you.
13:00Is he my daddy?
13:13Is he my daddy?
13:16Mazel,
13:17give me everything you can
13:19on Trevor Maltese.
13:24Boss,
13:24you ain't gonna like
13:25this one bit.
13:28All my bank accounts
13:29disappeared!
13:30What am I gonna do?
13:32You can start by acting
13:34like a real man.
13:42You know who I am?
13:45Yeah?
13:46And why are your men
13:47still pointing their guns
13:48at me?
13:49Put them away!
13:51Now!
13:55Good.
13:56Now.
13:59I want the little girl.
14:02The daughter?
14:03Why?
14:05Do you play chess, Gary?
14:07Everyone watches the king.
14:10Smart players.
14:12They watch the queen.
14:14But the dangerous ones,
14:17well,
14:17they dismantle the board.
14:20First move's already
14:21been made.
14:22So you were the one
14:23that got them all
14:24off my back?
14:24Of course.
14:25If I want something,
14:26I get it.
14:28Oh, you're so full of it,
14:29Trevor.
14:31Billy,
14:32cover your ears with me.
14:33Okay.
14:35You're a piece of shit.
14:36Adam.
14:38Mama.
14:38You need to know the truth,
14:39Vivian.
14:40This guy's a liar.
14:41I think your nanny's
14:41got a bit of a crush
14:42on me, Vivian.
14:43Vivian, he's just here
14:44for your money.
14:45Money?
14:45Please.
14:47I've been making a fortune
14:48in Mediterranean real estate
14:50the last nine years.
14:51You've been in prison
14:51for selling drugs
14:52to college kids
14:53for the last nine years,
14:55buddy.
14:57You're crazy.
14:57He's crazy.
14:58You're crazy.
14:59How would you even know
15:00something like that?
15:01I think it's time
15:02you know the truth
15:02about who I really am.
15:04Okay.
15:05Who are you,
15:06Adam?
15:07Really?
15:08Look, I can't tell you here.
15:10Can we go somewhere private?
15:10Okay, no.
15:11Anything you have to say,
15:12you can say in front of my friends.
15:13So who are you?
15:15Go ahead.
15:16Vivian,
15:17you need to trust me.
15:20I trust you, Adam.
15:23That's my girl.
15:25Oh, fantastic.
15:27Getting your daughter
15:27to turn on me?
15:28Great.
15:28Adam, you need to go.
15:30Are you serious?
15:31Okay, enough of this, Vivian.
15:32I've got this.
15:33Why don't me and you
15:34have a nice private chat
15:35over here?
15:36Let's do it.
15:40Look, Adam,
15:41I don't really know
15:42how you know
15:43what you know,
15:44but I'm gonna be honest.
15:46I can't really have you
15:48coming around here
15:49messing everything up for me.
15:52Oh, you really don't
15:53want to stab me
15:53with that, Trevor.
15:54Oh, you're right.
15:55I don't.
15:57Raymond Strauss
15:58sends his regards.
16:01What are you doing?
16:02Stop.
16:02He's cutting me!
16:04He's cutting me!
16:07Oh, my God, Adam,
16:08what did you do?
16:09Oh, my God, Adam,
16:11what did you do?
16:12Whoa, whoa, whoa, okay,
16:12look, I didn't do anything.
16:13Trevor did this to himself.
16:15What do I need to say?
16:16Trevor.
16:18Viv, who is this psychopath?
16:19You need to get him
16:20out of your house.
16:21I just called the cops.
16:22They'll be here any minute.
16:24Okay, Vivian,
16:25please listen to me.
16:26He's lying.
16:27Oh, I clearly came
16:28at the right time.
16:30You're really gonna let
16:31this man near your daughter,
16:32huh?
16:32I'm gonna talk to him.
16:33Ah, excuse me, miss.
16:34We got a call about an attack.
16:35Yeah, it's him right here.
16:37For me?
16:38Vivian, don't listen to him.
16:39He's lying and he's dangerous.
16:41Vivian, think about Millie.
16:43Who do you want her around?
16:44The dangerous nanny
16:45or the man that saved you
16:46from the mob?
16:51Get him out of here.
16:52Vivian, please.
16:54Go quietly.
16:55You really want Millie
16:55to see you coughed.
16:59Millie, baby.
16:59Oh, no, no, no.
17:00You don't get to speak to her.
17:02Cough him.
17:03Come on, Vivian, please.
17:05Can you just do this
17:05away from my daughter?
17:06Come on, I'm making a mistake.
17:07All right, protein,
17:07let's go.
17:08Come on.
17:09I have no idea who I am.
17:13Officers, no, no, no, Vivian.
17:14It's fine.
17:15You just ended to me.
17:17I'm here to protect you now.
17:19Come on.
17:21Well, boys, there you go.
17:24Just like Mr. Strauss said.
17:28Now, let's go get the daughter.
17:34I don't know what you were
17:35thinking with that guy.
17:36I don't know.
17:37I screwed up.
17:38That's my Vivian.
17:39Always so trusting.
17:41It's fine.
17:42He's gone now.
17:44I don't know how I didn't see it.
17:47I almost let him into Millie's life.
17:50Hey, it's okay.
17:52He's gone.
17:53Now I'm here to take care of you
17:55and protect you from those freaks
17:57trying to take advantage of you.
18:01Hey, what do we got here?
18:04It looks like a party.
18:07But I don't think we've got an invitation.
18:15What was that?
18:16No, no, no, no.
18:17Shh, shh, shh, shh.
18:17Don't worry about it.
18:19Be here with me now.
18:27Trevor, do something.
18:29What are these guys?
18:30The Bruzo.
18:31You said you got them off my back.
18:32Oh, these guys?
18:33Yeah, no.
18:34I did.
18:34Let me handle this.
18:35Hey, hey.
18:36Thought I talked to you boys.
18:37Leave them alone.
18:39Don't make me have to step in.
18:40Ah, you hear him?
18:42Who are you trying to be?
18:45Get your daughter.
18:47No.
18:49No.
18:49Never get scared.
18:50Squeeze it, and I'll come running.
18:58Millie.
18:59You guys need to take me back right now.
19:01Listen, protein bar.
19:02We're in charge.
19:03Yeah.
19:04Okay?
19:04You're the criminal here.
19:05We're the ones in charge.
19:06So zip it.
19:07No, you're not.
19:08The second you put my name in that system,
19:0910 agencies were alerted.
19:10Right now, your boss's boss's boss
19:12is having a heart attack.
19:13And any second now,
19:14your captain's going to come on that radio
19:15and tell you to do exactly what I say,
19:17which is take me back to that house right now.
19:23Do you have any idea who you have arrested?
19:25Take it back where it's all our heads.
19:29What happens next?
19:30Download Real Short.

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