00:26A blind gypsy wants to look like David Beckerland.
00:29Is this makeup gluten-free?
00:32You know, I'd almost prefer it if it was, um, tested on animals.
00:38Mac.
00:40Ready to start?
00:42Okay.
00:42So, first and foremost, you're the writer-director.
00:45Are you at all nervous about opening night?
00:47No.
00:49Um...
00:50Why should I be?
00:51We've put together a great show,
00:53and we're really excited for everyone to come and see it.
00:58Jesus Christ.
01:03What?
01:07Nothing.
01:08No, it's nothing.
01:09I, um...
01:10I thought I saw a spider, actually.
01:13Mac's right.
01:13I'm more excited than nervous,
01:16and I've produced every one of Mac's plays,
01:19but they've all been small,
01:21and now we get to have the show in an actual West End theatre.
01:26I've put every last pound into this, but Mac's...
01:29Mac's done so much more.
01:34Rita's being modest.
01:36Um...
01:37She's kept me sane through all of this.
01:40No, we...
01:42We've done some pretty hard work, you and me.
01:46But I think my show is 100% ready.
01:52She liked it, though, I think.
01:53She liked you.
01:54I don't know.
01:55I don't think it went kind of quiet as planned.
01:56Just piss off already.
01:58Please, I'm...
01:59I'm tired of you popping up every time I go near that bloody theatre.
02:04Look.
02:06It's nothing personal.
02:08All you have to do is stop the show.
02:13How about I make a sizeable donation to a charity of your choice?
02:17But not dementia.
02:19They don't know what's going on anyway.
02:20What's your favourite disease?
02:24We open in three days.
02:25There's no cancelling.
02:27So what is it you don't like about the show?
02:29It's the first act, isn't it?
02:30I know the first act gets drawn,
02:31and that's what you don't like about it, is it?
02:33No, no, I like it.
02:34I like...
02:35I like the whole thing.
02:36I wrote it.
02:37What I don't like is some wanker putting it on
02:42because he found it in a locked wardrobe
02:44that he bought in a jumble sale for 50 quid.
02:47I bought your words to life.
02:51You've turned them to shit.
02:54I don't want my play put on by some wannabe artist
03:00with no real talent.
03:17Dear, um...
03:18God.
03:20Whilst as an educated man I am adamant you don't exist.
03:26Evidently ghosts are real, so who knows anymore.
03:34Amen.
03:38Right.
03:44Sir, you can't take that with you.
03:46I'm really sorry.
03:47It's just, um, it's got to be authentic, is all.
04:04Is this a twat which I see before me?
04:10Behold, I give unto you the power to tread on serpents and scorpions.
04:21And over all, the power of thine enemy.
04:25And nothing shall ever hurt you.
04:30First you steal from me, then God.
04:33Copyright doesn't mean anything to you, does it?
04:39Just end this while you still can, Mac.
04:42Before you get hurt.
04:44You want to ruin my life?
04:46Fine.
04:47But leave my show the hell alone.
04:50Fine.
04:51I gave you a chance.
04:53But there is no way you're going to replace me tomorrow night.
04:57I'm here to stay.
05:00He'd be as sincere as the wings upon my back.
05:04Take flight and I shall be sure.
05:12No!
05:15No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
05:20Fuck my life.
05:21He's supposed to take flight.
05:25And the lights fade.
05:27He takes flight.
05:30Lights fade now.
05:32Tom, what's the problem now?
05:35We can't get the rigging right because the board's playing up.
05:38I haven't a clue why.
05:40I think we're all a little bit tired.
05:43So maybe you, we take a break for a little minute.
05:46We can't take a break now.
05:49I'm sorry, this is ridiculous.
05:51Bloody hell.
05:55Oh, my God.
05:58That light cost a fortune.
06:03Come on, people.
06:12So, are you for real?
06:14Right, I'm calling my agent.
06:22Mac.
06:22Hmm.
06:23We've lost Frank.
06:26What do you mean we've lost him?
06:26He can't have gone far.
06:27No, he's not coming back.
06:29He's not happy after the whole accident.
06:33Well, it's not like he was really here in the first place.
06:36Oh, don't say that.
06:40I don't...
06:42Don't worry about it.
06:44What do you mean, don't worry?
06:45I have a plan.
06:46What's your plan?
06:48Will thou not marry me, fair maiden?
06:52No.
06:53How can I marry one who is a thief?
06:57Thief?
06:58By what manner
07:01doth thou proclaim?
07:03Only a cowardly scoundrel
07:06would depart anon without a kiss.
07:08Then I am indeed a hapless twit.
07:11No more.
07:13But a wretched toad.
07:15Then let me lay a kiss upon thy lips.
07:18Oh, wretched toad.
07:22I'm fighting a bit of a cold, so...
07:29They are loving it.
07:32You just have to get through the last scene, okay?
07:35Time has been my senses would have proved
07:37to hear a night scream.
07:39My spell of hair would...
07:41Mac.
07:42Mac.
07:43I'll find out you're a fake eventually.
07:46But I can help you.
07:48I can give you a career.
07:51Now, look, if you're the new Shakespeare,
07:53what do you think happens to the old one?
07:55The queen, my lord, is dead.
07:58Like you said,
08:01it's nothing personal.
08:12You have to for the king.
08:16Ho, what villain doth approach?
08:18It is I, the fairy king.
08:22Explain your...
08:23Fine, Mac.
08:25But if I disappear,
08:28then so does she.
08:30He has come for me,
08:31my one true love.
08:33Leave it once,
08:33or hell will be the price to pay.
08:35Wow, Mac.
08:36I was a dick when I was alive,
08:38but even I wouldn't let this happen
08:40to my best friend.
08:49I cannot leave.
08:51I will not.
08:52Not for anything
08:54or anyone.
09:01Don't worry, Rita.
09:03I'm here.
09:04Mac's here.
09:04You kept the show going
09:06after I got hit.
09:07You waited 20 minutes
09:09for the applause to finish.
09:11Oh, she's delirious.
09:13Get, move.
09:14Get her off.
09:14I'm not.
09:14Stat.
09:16Mac!
09:16Rita, keep away from the light.
09:18We're right behind you, Rita.
09:20Be brave, darling.
09:22Be brave.
09:26And, well,
09:27you ended up on stage yourself tonight.
09:28And would you believe it,
09:29I've never acted before in my life.
09:31Well, listen,
09:32from what I saw on stage tonight,
09:34it was brilliant.
09:36So you and your
09:37little producer friend of yours
09:39should be very proud.
09:41Could you, um,
09:42excuse me for a moment?
09:43Yeah.
09:51Please don't pick up.
09:52Please don't pick up.
09:53Please don't pick up.
09:54Yes!
09:55Hi, this is Rita.
09:56The stage has missed you.
09:58Please leave a message.
09:59Hi, Rita.
10:00Uh, yeah,
10:01it's Mac DeLuca.
10:03Gosh,
10:04how are you?
10:05Um,
10:06I'm really sorry
10:07I couldn't be there,
10:07but the press
10:08have just been
10:08a bloody nightmare.
10:10I have not been able
10:11to get away
10:12for hell nor leather.
10:14Um,
10:16but I've been talking you up
10:17and they loved you,
10:18they loved the show.
10:20Ah,
10:21what more can I say?
10:22You've been great.
10:23Okay, well,
10:24um,
10:25sweet dreams.
10:26Actually,
10:27probably don't go to sleep
10:28because you've got a concussion
10:29and you'll probably die.
10:31But,
10:32yeah.
10:34Bye.
10:40Sorry about that.
10:41It's a press.
10:43What do you like?
10:44Everything okay?
10:45Yeah.
10:46Yeah.
10:46Um,
10:47so,
10:48we were talking about you being on stage tonight.
10:51What happened?
10:53A lot of people
10:55didn't really pull their weight
10:56and
10:57don't write this down
10:58but you'll notice Rita.
11:00Where is she?
11:02Think about that.
11:05In hospital,
11:06isn't she?
11:10Uh,
11:11I've...
11:11I'm gonna go.
11:13I think I have everything I need.
11:14All right.
11:15Enjoy the rest of your night.
