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00:00Previously on The Account
00:02I can assure you that the men gathered around this table are the best in advertising.
00:07I need your firm to create campaigns targeting ten significant social and religious issues.
00:13To what end do you want these ad campaigns designed?
00:16To see our culture so swayed by each campaign that gradually and unknowingly people embrace my plan for moral change.
00:23You mean immoral change?
00:25I don't believe that anyone around this table thinks we'll ever see the day when society embraces such outrageous proposals.
00:34Create the campaigns. I will do the rest.
00:58Shall we get down to business?
01:00The business of marriage, right?
01:02Why would the client want to discredit the institution of marriage?
01:05I mean, I don't know about you boys, but I like it just the way it is.
01:09Says the unhappily married man.
01:11I'm happily married.
01:13That's what your wife believes.
01:15I'm happy. Says the newlywed.
01:17This meeting is not about us. It's about our next campaign to make people comfortable with the idea that marriage
01:24is not for everybody.
01:25Or for anybody.
01:26So as I see it, we need to talk about two things.
01:29One, that perhaps before you take the plunge, you should try out the arrangement first.
01:35You mean live together?
01:36Yep.
01:37My parents would have disowned me.
01:39And two, secondly, we make divorce more acceptable.
01:43I don't even know anyone who's divorced.
01:45Oh, perhaps you will.
01:46I said I'm happily married.
01:49But if Janet and I had taken the chance to try it out first, well, maybe.
01:55You wouldn't have married her?
01:57So what obstacles are we dealing with here?
02:00Marriage is an institution.
02:02A sacred institution.
02:03But marriages are licensed by the state, so let's take the sacred out of it.
02:07Well, then what would you have?
02:09Freedom.
02:10Choices.
02:11Liberation.
02:13Options.
02:14Fewer problems.
02:15True.
02:16Marriage certainly is no cakewalk.
02:18That's what we try to solve.
02:21Marriage is a big risk.
02:22Let's give people a no-risk marriage plant.
02:26Take a test drive with the one you love.
02:28Or tray the old model in for the new.
02:30Women will never go for that.
02:32So we go for the women with something like, marriage is not a cakewalk.
02:36So sample the mix first.
02:40Gentlemen, I think we have our next ad.
02:43To the client.
02:44No, it's a marriage.
02:45To the day marriage is obsolete.
03:02Hello, I'm David Jeremiah, and welcome to Turning Point.
03:06Have you noticed that the institution of marriage has become a controversial topic?
03:12It is the subject of today's message in my series called, I Never Thought I'd See the Day, Culture at
03:19the Crossroads.
03:20In this series, we take a look at the upheavals in our culture and world that I never thought I'd
03:26witness.
03:27One of those dramatic changes concerns how our culture views marriage.
03:32In recent years, it has become an option in our culture.
03:36And in today's message called, I Never Thought I'd See the Day When Marriage Would Be Obsolete,
03:42you'll be shocked to discover exactly how marriage is being redefined, even discarded by more and more couples.
03:49When God's fundamental building block for human society is made optional,
03:55the resulting foundation cannot support the kind of society that we want for ourselves and for our children.
04:02Stay tuned.
04:03You'll learn more on this important subject on today's edition of Turning Point.
04:15I Never Thought I'd See the Day When Marriage Would Be Deemed Obsolete,
04:20but that day is arriving and perhaps has already arrived.
04:25More and more couples are choosing to treat marriage as optional.
04:31Back in 1977, fewer than one million American opposite-sex couples
04:36were living together unmarried.
04:38But in 2007, that number rose to 6.4 million,
04:43or almost 10% of the opposite-sex couples living together in America.
04:50So, when we discern the meaning of marriage,
04:52we have to understand that much of the meaning of marriage has been lost
04:56in the culture in which you and I live today.
04:59Let's take a moment and depreciate the magnitude of marriage
05:03because that's what's going on in our culture.
05:06Is marriage becoming obsolete?
05:08I'm not the only person asking this question.
05:12The Pew Research Center, in conjunction with Time Magazine,
05:15got some shocking answers from the American public in a 2010 survey.
05:21When asked if marriage was becoming obsolete,
05:24nearly 40% of those who responded said yes.
05:27And among those in the traditional marrying age, 18 to 29,
05:32the number was four points higher at 44%.
05:35In other words, 44% of those who are in the marrying category
05:39believe that marriage has become obsolete in our culture.
05:44But the more important question for us to ask today is,
05:48what are the effects of the growing obsolescence of marriage?
05:52It's always easy to make changes in our culture
05:56for the sake of convenience or preference.
05:58It's not always so easy to foresee the impact
06:02that those changes will make.
06:04At the risk of being accused of oversimplifying
06:08a very complex issue, consider this one example
06:12before we do anything else.
06:14God places great importance on the keeping of vows.
06:19In Ecclesiastes, in a very surprising passage,
06:24Solomon devotes a whole section to the subject of vows.
06:28In this passage, he says,
06:30Do not be rash with your mouth,
06:32and let not your heart utter anything hastily before God.
06:36When you make a vow to God, do not delay to pay it.
06:40It's better not to vow than to vow and not pay.
06:44Do not let your mouth cause your flesh to sin,
06:47nor say before the messenger of God that it was an error.
06:52Jesus, who had a way of boiling all of this Old Testament stuff
06:56down into a few words, simply said this,
06:59Let your yes be yes and your no be no.
07:03In other words, say what you mean and mean what you say.
07:07And yet every day in America, thousands of people
07:10take back the marriage vows that they spoke before God
07:13and their spouse and their friends.
07:15And they say, Well, it was an error.
07:17It was a mistake.
07:18I thought I loved him, but I was wrong.
07:20I know I said do, but now I'm saying I don't.
07:24As with abortion, many people end their marriages with regret.
07:28Some have no regret.
07:30But far too many people today decide to break their marriage
07:33on the basis of convenience and preference.
07:36And just as with abortion, there's always a price to pay.
07:40We have many wonderful people in our church
07:42who have been through a divorce.
07:43And I'm not mad at you.
07:45The church isn't putting you in a different class
07:46than everybody else.
07:47But if we could get you in a private room
07:49and you could say what was in your heart,
07:51I know that every one of you would say the same thing.
07:53It would have been better if it hadn't happened.
07:55It was a very painful part of my life.
07:57And I wish that I could have somehow managed life
08:00without having to go through it.
08:02Many of you have now gone on and God has forgiven you
08:06and you're on past that and he's given you a new life
08:08and thank God for his grace.
08:10And how many of you know God is always the God of grace
08:12and forgiveness and the God of the second chance?
08:15And that's why we love the church of Christ
08:16because we're always accepted no matter what we've been through.
08:20But having said all of that, that's not God's perfect will for man.
08:25And people ask me all the time, why don't we have more information
08:28about divorce?
08:29And the answer is this, God doesn't have a plan B.
08:32He's only got a plan A.
08:33He doesn't say, try this, plan A, and if it doesn't work,
08:35here's plan B, C, and D, and so you got lots of options.
08:39God's plan for marriage is very simple.
08:42And marriage is in trouble not only because people live together,
08:46but because people start together and then decide for their own purposes
08:51not to be together anymore.
08:53The high cost of the failure in marriage is not lost on cultural observers.
08:59Author Caitlin Flanagan wrote these words,
09:02there is no other single force causing as much measurable hardship
09:06and financial misery in this country as the collapse of marriage.
09:12And her claim is all the more important because it was written
09:15during the middle of 2009 when our nation was reeling from economic collapse.
09:21That had started a year earlier.
09:23In other words, not even dire financial straits cause as much hardship
09:28as the collapse of marriage.
09:30Think of all the divorced single mothers who've lost their jobs
09:34in the economic turndown.
09:35Think of all the divorced men who lost their jobs
09:38and can no longer pay child support to help their ex-wives and children.
09:42And again, Solomon's words are on target.
09:45Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him,
09:50and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
09:53In other words, a single person in our culture today,
09:57whether they be male or female, is usually the most vulnerable person
10:01on the face of God's earth.
10:03The simple addition of a spouse more than doubles the strength
10:06of an individual against the winds of adversity.
10:09And in-laws and extended family are helpful
10:12as the cord grows stronger still.
10:14But that strong cord unravels quickly when marriages fail
10:20and vows are broken.
10:21And even for the rare spouses and families who do what they can
10:25to strengthen one another following a divorce,
10:28the cord is broken.
10:29And God's design for marriage, a man and a woman in a lifelong union
10:34providing loving and stable maturing is what we are missing
10:38in our world today.
10:40It's like a cord holding a society together.
10:43The weaker the cord, the weaker the society.
10:47Can anyone fail to see the link between those two weaknesses
10:50in America today?
10:52Back in December of 2010, the annual State of Our Unions report
10:57was released jointly by the National Marriage Project
11:00at the University of Virginia.
11:01I remember sitting down one day and reading that
11:03and just every page I turned, I shook my head.
11:06I could hardly believe what I was reading.
11:09The subtitle for the report reads,
11:11When Marriage Disappears, The New Middle America.
11:15The report said that marriage is not merely a private arrangement
11:19between two persons.
11:21It is a core social institution, an institution that helps
11:25to ensure the economic and social and emotional welfare
11:29of countless children and women and men in this nation.
11:33And so the disappearance of marriage in Middle America
11:36would endanger the American dream, the emotional and social
11:41welfare of children, and the stability of the social fabric
11:44in thousands of communities across the country.
11:47There is statistical proof that the demise of marriage in America
11:52may be close to becoming a reality.
11:54For instance, in 1960, 72% of Americans were married.
12:00In 2008, only 52% were married.
12:06Still, the unmarried people interviewed by the Pew study
12:09expressed a desire to be married at some point in their life.
12:13As Stephen Rhodes, a professor on sex differences in culture
12:17at the University of Virginia has written,
12:19the marital ideal, one man and one woman bound in body and soul,
12:25sharing, comforting, communicating through good and bad times,
12:29is very appealing or perhaps particularly more appealing
12:32even in a cynical age.
12:35In the words of the Pew report,
12:37it's no small thing when nearly 4 in 10 Americans agree
12:41that the world's most enduring social institution
12:45is becoming obsolete.
12:48When we look back on the history of this age,
12:50perhaps those who study history and socialists who understand history
12:54will say that it was during our lifetime on planet Earth
12:58that the one core thing that held society together
13:02began to unravel to the extent where we're even having a discussion
13:07whether marriage has become obsolete.
13:10Discerning the meaning of marriage,
13:13depreciating the magnitude of marriage,
13:16now let's take a breath and dispel some myths about marriage.
13:21First of all, some good news, and we can handle a little of that.
13:27In spite of all the dire statistics that you and I have heard,
13:31there is hopeful information concerning the state of marriages.
13:35Not so much because marriage has changed,
13:37but because our information was inaccurate.
13:41The rate of divorce may not be as high
13:43as we have been traditionally told it was.
13:45I've heard all through my ministry practically
13:48that one out of every two marriages fails
13:51and that in the church there's no difference.
13:53One out of every two marriages fails.
13:54But I've always thought to myself,
13:56that doesn't seem right.
13:57I don't think that half of all the people that I know
14:01are married are divorced.
14:02I don't think that's right.
14:03It didn't seem right to me.
14:04Have you ever had that thought?
14:05I've heard that statistic, but it doesn't seem to ring true.
14:08And the reason it doesn't ring true is because it's not true.
14:12The 50% divorce rate, one divorce for every two marriages,
14:16has long been touted as the norm in America.
14:19But back in 2005, the New York Times pointed out
14:23that a flawed method had led to this inflated statistic.
14:27Social scientists have moved to a method that simply compares
14:32the number of people who ever married
14:34with the number of those same people who divorced.
14:37And counted that way, the divorce rate has never, ever exceeded 41%.
14:43And it will likely never reach 50% since it never has
14:48in any of the demographic studies of all the population at large.
14:52Here's another statistic that is rather encouraging.
14:55Divorce rates among Christians have recently been reported
14:59to mirror the general public, and that's what I've been hearing.
15:02I've heard preachers say that.
15:03I might have said it myself because that was what I thought was true.
15:08But this, too, is an inaccurate statistic.
15:12What we know now is that committed Christian couples,
15:15as opposed to those who are Christian in name only,
15:18who seriously pursue Christian disciplines such as church attendance,
15:23reading spiritual materials and the Bible and praying together,
15:28these couples enjoy significantly lower divorce rates
15:31than mere church members.
15:34In fact, the general public and unbelievers
15:36would be in that same category.
15:38The statistics teach us that we are 35% less likely to divorce
15:44when we follow the Christian discipline route
15:46than couples who have no church affiliation.
15:49So, one of the best things you can do for your marriage
15:51is go to church.
15:53Go to church and read your Bible
15:54and try to discipline your life spiritually.
15:57The study says if you do that, you have a much less chance
16:02of going through a divorce than if you don't.
16:05Now, while divorce is a problem, it's not the main reason
16:08for marriage coming apart in our society.
16:11Really, the main reason is the fast-rising incidence
16:15of cohabitation.
16:17Couples living together, even having children
16:20without choosing to be married.
16:22These couples are sometimes referred to as friends with benefits.
16:28They are simply couples who want the benefits of marriage
16:31without a lifetime commitment or the risk of divorce.
16:35Sharon Jason, a USA Today writer,
16:37frequently writes about cultural trends, and she observed,
16:41living together has become so mainstream
16:44that growing numbers of Americans view it
16:47as an alternative to marriage.
16:49She quotes the author of a recent book on cohabitation
16:52who says, living together is what's happening
16:55in the world of dating, and it's not necessarily
16:58a path to anywhere.
17:01She also notes that the National Marriage Project report
17:04finds from earlier studies that children of cohabiting couples
17:09are more likely to experience emotional problems
17:13and alcoholism and drug abuse.
17:16Here's another piece of evidence regarding cohabitation.
17:20Back in 1969, 68% of Americans in a Gallup poll
17:27indicated that premarital sex was wrong.
17:30Then it was considered shacking up and living in sin.
17:35That's what 68% of the Americans in the Gallup poll believed in 1969.
17:41By 2009, the percentage had almost reversed.
17:45A CBS New York Times poll indicated that 60% of the population
17:50now believes that premarital sex is not wrong.
17:54So, in this period of time, we've gone from 60% saying it was wrong
17:59all the way to our culture today saying that it's not wrong.
18:03And all I'm trying to tell you with these statistics is
18:06we have come a long way away from the building blocks
18:10that were a part of this nation that have made us what we are.
18:14So, based on that reversal of the trend,
18:17we should not be surprised at the growing number of people
18:20who find it no problem whatsoever to live together
18:24without any marriage.
18:25We've talked about discerning the meaning of marriage
18:28and depreciating the magnitude of it.
18:30We've dispelled some of the myths about it.
18:33Let's talk for a moment about some of the motivations for marriage.
18:36Marriage, according to God, is one man, one woman,
18:40united spiritually, emotionally, physically, publicly,
18:44and legally in a lifetime bond of loyal love for procreation,
18:50channeling sexual and emotional energy,
18:53and serving as a civilizing and stabilizing factor in society.
18:58That's how God views marriage.
19:01That's God's view.
19:03Now, let me show you how that view has been distorted
19:06in recent days.
19:08Keeping God's picture of marriage in mind shows us the contrast.
19:14Back in 1960, 68% of people in their 20s were married.
19:21In 2008, that number dropped to 26%.
19:25It's an amazing statistic to me.
19:2868% of the people in their 20s in 1960 were married.
19:32In 2008, only 26% are married.
19:36In 1960, 72% of all adults were married.
19:41In 2008, that number dropped to 52%.
19:44So, it's not just the young, it's across the board.
19:48The increasing number of unmarried couples living together,
19:52as you see it on a spreadsheet, is startling.
19:56Let me give them to you.
19:57In 1990, 3.2 million couples lived together
20:02without being married.
20:04In 2000, that number went to 5.2 million.
20:07By 2008, it was 6.2 million.
20:11By 2009, it was 6.7 million.
20:14And in 2010, 7.5 million couples lived together
20:19outside of marriage.
20:21When people are asked, why should you get married?
20:24Here's what they say.
20:2593% say they get married for love.
20:2987% say they get married for a lifetime commitment.
20:3381% say for companionship.
20:3659% say for having children.
20:39And 31% say for financial stability.
20:42Now, how that got on the trip, I don't know.
20:46Christians who place a high value on the priority of love
20:50should note the following comments of the Pew study.
20:55The potency of the link between love and marriage
20:59is relatively new in the sweep of human history.
21:02And in the view of some historians,
21:05it is a leading cause for the institution's decline.
21:09Listen to this.
21:10For several millennium, economic security
21:12was the primary reason for marriage.
21:15The institution thrived as an efficient way to divide labor,
21:20allocate resources, propagate the species,
21:22and ensured that someone would take care of you
21:25when you got old.
21:26Only in recent centuries have love
21:29and mutual self-fulfillment come to occupy center stage
21:33in the grand marital bargain.
21:36But as the trends of the past half the century attest,
21:40it's an open question whether a social institution
21:43built on love will prove as durable as one
21:47that is built on economic security.
21:50Regarding this overwhelming data dump of numbers,
21:53I want to again remind you the difficulty of analyzing
21:57and comprehending numbers and statistics is large.
22:01But examining marriage from so many different sides
22:04and looking at what's happening to it in our culture
22:06and is so radically changed in our lifetime,
22:10these facts create a stark contrast
22:13when you compare them to God's design for marriage.
22:17And it should be abundantly clear, men and women,
22:20that part of our moral and spiritual confusion
22:22is tied to the breakdown of God's fundamental building blocks
22:27for society.
22:28If the building blocks crumble,
22:30what can happen to the structure
22:32except that it too begins to crumble?
22:36And one of the things that's happening in our culture
22:38that has become more and more outward
22:42and more and more noticed as we read the newspapers
22:45and watch the news shows is we're going through a period
22:48of deconstructing God's mandate for marriage.
22:52We're deconstructing it.
22:53And here's what I mean.
22:54In January of 2008, a Newsweek article
22:57called the My Turn column,
23:00which is given over to writers' personal views or stories,
23:03a writer by the name of Bonnie Esslinger said,
23:07quote, in her little submission,
23:10yes to love, no to marriage.
23:13And I want to read to you what she wrote.
23:16I am a 42-year-old woman who has lived life mostly
23:20on my own terms.
23:22I have never thought a husband
23:24and have still experienced intense, affirming love.
23:27I have explored the world and myself
23:30and sought understanding, knowledge,
23:32and a sense of how I can best contribute.
23:36Ten years ago, I left a New York career
23:40to return to California and pursue a writer's life.
23:44Shortly thereafter, I met an intelligent teenager
23:47also determined to live life on her own terms
23:50who is now my fabulous foster daughter.
23:54Meeting Jeff, an intelligent, creative, thoughtful man,
23:57became the icing on the rich cake of a life not wasted,
24:00cruising singles bars and pining over lost loves.
24:04Last year, Jeff asked me to marry him,
24:06and I willingly gave my heart to the intent of his question.
24:10We are committed to spending our future together,
24:13pursuing our dreams,
24:15and facing life's challenges in partnership.
24:18Yet I do not need a piece of paper from the state
24:21to strengthen my commitment to Jeff.
24:24I do not believe in a religion that says,
24:26romantic, committed love is moral only if couples
24:29pled joint allegiance to God.
24:32I don't need a white dress to feel pretty,
24:35and I have no desire to pretend I'm a virgin.
24:38I don't need to have Jeff propose to me as if he's chosen me.
24:42I don't need a ring as a daily reminder to myself
24:45or others that I am loved.
24:46And I don't need Jeff to say publicly that he loves me
24:49because he says it privately, not just in words,
24:52but in daily actions.
24:54Now, I want you to notice, and I hope you picked this up,
24:57in Ms. Eslinger's filed report,
24:59she used the first person singular pronoun 22 times.
25:06For her, this is all about her.
25:09It pretty well sums up the modern view of marriage,
25:12the raising of personal autonomy to the highest priority in life.
25:16It's not about what communities or societies need,
25:19what a spouse needs, what children need
25:21in terms of public statements,
25:23and certainly not about what God expects.
25:25It's about defining life.
25:27In this case, a union, but not a marriage,
25:30and autonomous terms on the basis of what, quote,
25:34I want.
25:36Ms. Eslinger admitted the innate need to hold some sort
25:40of celebration for her new relationship,
25:44all the while knowing it is doubtful
25:46that their families will want to come
25:47to celebrate something so ill-defined,
25:51a day-long event near the ocean that would allow time
25:54for us to enjoy the company of friends and family
25:56without wasting time on obligatory cake cutting
25:59and flour tossing.
26:02While I know the word married would mean something to them,
26:05that is, my extended family,
26:07something tangible they could use
26:09when describing our life together.
26:11I can't do it.
26:13The terms husband and wife wouldn't even begin
26:15to describe our relationship.
26:17We've set a date for July to hold our big event.
26:21No, we won't get married,
26:22but I hope our friends and family will still come.
26:26Now, that's what you call deconstructing marriage,
26:29creating something in place of marriage
26:31that's not like marriage, that has nothing to do with God,
26:35nothing to do even with societal standards,
26:37and doing it for I.
26:41I can imagine two reasons why Ms. Eslinger
26:44and increasing numbers of people like her are unwilling
26:47to call their union a legal marriage,
26:50a desire not to conform to convention or as a shield
26:53against the possibility of, quote, unquote,
26:56falling out of love and ending the union.
26:58It's easier to end a non-marriage than a marriage.
27:02But such reasons smack more of immaturity
27:06and the lack of purpose than they do of careful consideration
27:09and commitment or of self-service than of sacrificial love.
27:14The fact that such an opinion piece was published
27:17in a venue like Newsweek is just a small example
27:21of how non-traditional views of marriage have spread
27:25into the middle of our culture.
27:27Any young woman contemplating cohabiting with her partner
27:30instead of getting married would read such an opinion piece
27:34and be encouraged to do the very same thing.
27:38That's what I've been thinking.
27:40It seems like everybody's doing it nowadays.
27:42If it's in Newsweek, it must be okay.
27:46That does it.
27:47I'm moving in with Joe, and so it goes.
27:52Dr. Albert Moeller counters such thinking
27:54regarding marriage with these words.
27:57He said, we need to understand that marriage
28:00is not primarily about we as individuals
28:04and what we think or what we want or what we need.
28:08It is about a central public commitment
28:11that the society needs, that couples need,
28:14that children need, and yes, that the spouses need.
28:16Marriage is a public institution,
28:19not merely a private commitment.
28:21It identifies the couple as a pair committed
28:24to lifelong marriage and thus to be respected
28:27in this commitment.
28:28The fact that our society has weakened marriage
28:31offers only further incentive to get it right
28:34and to strengthen this vital institution.
28:38The traditions of the wedding ceremony are important
28:41as a part of solemnizing and recognizing
28:44this covenanted relationship,
28:46but the traditions are expendable.
28:49Marriage is not.
28:51There is a universe of difference between a private promise
28:55and a public pledge.
28:56Marriage is about a public vow made by the man to the woman
29:00and the woman to the man whereby they become now husband
29:05and wife.
29:06But it's not just in popular culture where the biblical model
29:10of marriage is being challenged.
29:12There are two new books that came out while I was doing
29:14the research for this, both written by biblical scholars,
29:18one from Boston University, the other from Harvard,
29:21and they both purport to give an accurate portrayal
29:24of what the Bible says about love and God and sex.
29:28Nothing wrong with writing a book like that.
29:31I wrote one myself on the Song of Solomon.
29:34But all of these new books that have come out
29:36from biblical sources are corrupted by the fact
29:40that they ignore that there is a divine model for marriage,
29:43and they open the door for all different kinds and views
29:46of marriage at the expense of what God has taught us
29:49in his word.
29:52We need to watch carefully as we see our culture
29:55and discern what is happening as marriage is being
29:58deconstructed right in front of us, replaced by other things
30:02like throwing a party for all your friends
30:06without ever having any commitment to one another.
30:09Let me talk for these last moments
30:11about defending a meaningful marriage.
30:14The Bible's definition for marriage goes back
30:16to the creation of the world in which we live.
30:19It was in the beginning that fundamental, natural,
30:22and human order was established,
30:24the heavenly bodies to rule the cycles of night and day,
30:28humans as bearers in the earth of the image of God,
30:31human beings as stewards over all creation,
30:34the commission to populate the earth,
30:37man's relationship to the animals,
30:39man's and animals' diets,
30:40and the creation and appointment of the woman
30:43as the partner to the man.
30:45And in the case of marriage, God's prescription
30:48for human partnership is stated plainly.
30:51Genesis 2, 24.
31:02Now, let me give you some implications from that simple verse
31:06that we must not forget.
31:08First of all, marriage is a product of creation.
31:12In the beginning, God did not create multiple human beings
31:17to form a social group and then pair them off
31:20as some way of bringing order to a disordered social situation.
31:23Marriage does not bring order, but it has a far deeper purpose.
31:27It is a fundamental to the very design of life on earth.
31:31Marriage is a male and female coming together to function
31:34in one flesh.
31:35It is a united pair whose synergistic potential is greater together
31:39than if they remain single and simply live together.
31:43Something stable and immovable happens
31:45when two individuals unite as one.
31:48They are then able to use their new identity
31:51to act as stewards of creation
31:53and bear the image of God throughout the earth.
31:56Marriage is a product of creation.
31:59Number two, marriage is a partnership
32:01between one man and one woman.
32:04Marriage is not the union of multiple partners
32:07or same-sex partners.
32:09It is the union of one man with one woman.
32:12And all the debate in recent decades about the definition of marriage
32:16as reflected in the statistics I cited earlier,
32:19all of it is based on a rejection of this creation model
32:22of one man and one woman.
32:24Nothing could be clearer in the Bible
32:27as to what constitutes a marriage in God's sight.
32:30It doesn't make any difference what anybody else says
32:33or how many people they get to put it on a ballot and vote for it.
32:36Marriage is one man, one woman brought together by God
32:41in a partnership.
32:42Even if they are not Christians,
32:44marriage is still obligatory as far as the world is concerned
32:49because it started at the beginning of the world
32:52and it's from the heart of God himself.
32:57Marriage is a product of creation.
33:00It's a partnership between one man and one woman.
33:02And marriage is a permanent union.
33:05The notion of two becoming one flesh is pictured ultimately
33:09in the sexual union of the male and the female.
33:12And Jesus Christ affirmed the permanence of marriage
33:16when he said,
33:17Therefore, what God has joined together,
33:21let not man separate.
33:23Now, once again, here is the condition
33:26that the Bible gives to us.
33:28Permission to divorce was granted
33:30only because of the hardness of your hearts.
33:33He told the experts in the Old Testament law,
33:36and as is often said,
33:38the exception proves the rule.
33:40Divorce is limited exception
33:42to what was ordained by God as a permanent union.
33:45In other words, the very fact
33:47that it has to be called an exception
33:48is a testimony to the fact that God had a purpose
33:51and a plan in permanent marriage.
33:54Marriage is a primarily spiritual union.
33:57Mankind was created as a physical and spiritual being.
34:03Oneness is not only a matter of physical joining,
34:06but of spiritual joining as well.
34:09Modern culture gets this wrong
34:11when couples choose to hook up physically
34:13with no physical commitment,
34:16with no spiritual commitment.
34:18The apostle Paul highlighted the spiritual joining
34:21in 1 Corinthians when he warned Christian men
34:24about joining themselves to a harlot
34:27and becoming one body with her.
34:30He then said that he who is joined to the Lord
34:32is one spirit with him.
34:35We are not joined to Jesus Christ physically,
34:37but we are joined spiritually.
34:40One of the things we hear very little about
34:42in our churches is that marriage in the church
34:45where two people are followers of Christ
34:47is a three-dimensional arrangement.
34:50It is not just the man and his relationship to his wife.
34:54It is the man related to God and the wife related to God
34:57in this triangle that brings the marriage into perspective.
35:02I remember years ago, one of our speakers brought his wife,
35:06and she said she had come into her faith
35:08at a very later time.
35:10So, her husband was here, and she was here,
35:13and she was so intimidated by that.
35:14She said, I don't even know how to have a conversation
35:16with my husband because he's so far away
35:18from where I am spiritually.
35:20And then she said, one day a lady came to her
35:22and gave her this little picture.
35:24She said, marriage is like a triangle,
35:27and this is what puts you together.
35:29And God is at the apex.
35:30He's at the top of the triangle.
35:32Now, let me show you something, she said.
35:34Here's what I learned.
35:35I had to stop trying to keep up with my husband
35:38and just try to grow in my relationship with the Lord.
35:42And she said, guess what happens when you do that?
35:44The closer you get to the Lord, now watch the triangle,
35:47the closer you get to your husband.
35:50As you get closer to the Lord, as he gets closer to the Lord,
35:54you see what happens?
35:55The triangle gets closer, and you get closer to each other.
35:58That's the dynamic of Christian marriage
36:01that we often forget about,
36:02that marriage is knowing each other, loving each other,
36:06but it's also knowing God.
36:08And as you come closer to the Lord and you get to know him,
36:11you get closer to one another.
36:12Marriage is a spiritual union.
36:17And then, marriage's priority is procreation.
36:21Being fruitful and multiplying was the first commission
36:24given to humanity in the very beginning of our history.
36:28Genesis 1-22 says,
36:30And God blessed them, saying, be fruitful and multiply.
36:36And it was repeated at the second beginning of humanity,
36:39following the great flood.
36:40In Genesis 9-1, we're told, God blessed Noah and his sons,
36:44and said to them, be fruitful and multiply,
36:48and fill the earth.
36:50Earlier, I shared a statistic showing that 93% of Americans
36:55said that love is the primary reason for getting married.
36:58And I noted that the Pew Research Organization reported
37:02that this was likely a first time in human history
37:05for that to be at the top of the list.
37:07I have to tread carefully here so I don't want to be misunderstood
37:10about the importance of love in marriage and human experience.
37:14But love alone is not reason enough for getting married
37:18in the biblical model.
37:20The point is that love is a desirable,
37:22but not a sufficient condition for marriage.
37:25Why, then, does society have these specific criteria?
37:28Why privilege this particular arrangement
37:31of an unrelated man and woman
37:33and grant to that arrangement special legal status,
37:37including the social recognition and tax benefits
37:40that go with it?
37:41The reason is that marriage is the incubator of children.
37:44It is the only mechanism for the healthy cultivation
37:48of the next generation.
37:50In biblical understanding, love is like the air we breathe.
37:54It surrounds and makes possible the fruitful life
37:57God has designed.
37:59The apostle Paul wrote that love is the greatest
38:02of all virtues.
38:03Love is the motivator and conditioner
38:05for all of life's actions, including marriage.
38:08But love is not the sole reason for getting married
38:11in God's design.
38:13Many people approach marriage with the need to be loved,
38:15and they consider finding that love a reason to marry.
38:18But all too often, they discover that their imperfect partner
38:23is unable to love them perfectly or adequately enough,
38:27and the marriage falls apart.
38:29Only the perfect, never-ending love of God in Christ Jesus
38:33can fill a marriage with enough love to make it work.
38:37God brought two perfect, sinless people together
38:40in the Garden of Eden, a man and a woman who knew
38:43the perfect love of God.
38:44They did not get married to find love,
38:47but to walk together in the unity and purpose God created them
38:50to fulfill the primary task of birthing and raising
38:54the next generation.
38:56I haven't heard that in a long time,
38:58but it's something we ought to hear more than we do.
39:02No other organization or structure for humanity
39:05was instituted in the Garden of Eden beside marriage.
39:09Generational marriage was intended by God to be the solid link
39:13in the chain of human progress and society.
39:15Not only do loyal marriages serve as a conduit for the channeling
39:19and containing of adult sexual and emotional energy,
39:23they serve as a source of wisdom and instruction
39:26for succeeding generations of young people
39:28who rise to take their places in society.
39:31It is from strong, loyal marriages that young people learn
39:35what it takes to create oases of love and order and strength
39:39in a cultural desert of shifting moral sand reshaped daily
39:44by the winds of convenience and preference.
39:47No one seems to know when the phrase was first uttered
39:50that all truth is God's truth,
39:52but it has stood the test of time.
39:55Whenever we see something true being implemented,
39:57even in a non-religious context,
39:59credit for that truth belongs to God.
40:02And marriage is a good example of a universal truth
40:05that has its roots in the theological soil
40:08of the Garden of Eden.
40:09Marriage is a truth that belongs to God for the good of man,
40:13wherever it is found.
40:15And as Christians, we need to think again
40:18about the origins and importance of marriage.
40:21We need to remember that Satan did not approach Adam
40:24as a single man with the temptation to disobey God.
40:28He waited until after marriage.
40:30God's foundational building block was in place,
40:33attacking the couple.
40:35You would have thought it would have been easier
40:37to attack one person instead of two,
40:39but the attack was not just on mankind.
40:41It was on marriage as well,
40:44an attempt to create division and disharmony
40:46between humans as well as humans and God.
40:49And Satan continues that strategy today.
40:52He knows that as goes marriage,
40:54so goes the stability of society in the world.
40:58And the more disruption he can create in societies
41:01through attacking and disrupting marriages,
41:03the better for his efforts at getting people's eyes off God
41:07and onto their own survival.
41:09If God the Creator, in fact, as the Bible teaches,
41:13instituted marriage and the family,
41:15and if there is an evil being called Satan
41:17who wages war against God's purposes,
41:19it should come as no surprise
41:21that the divine foundation of these institutions
41:24has come under massive attack in recent years.
41:27Ultimately, we human beings, whether we realize it or not,
41:32are involved in a cosmic spiritual conflict
41:35that pits God against Satan with marriage and the family
41:39serving as one of the key arenas
41:41in which spiritual and cultural battles are fought.
41:45Is the future of traditional marriage in trouble?
41:48Is it in danger of becoming obsolete?
41:51I never thought I would see the day
41:53when the answer is yes, that day has arrived.
41:56Fortunately, to paraphrase Christ,
42:00what God has ordained, no man or government can destroy.
42:05And that requires the people of God to persevere and protect
42:09and defend marriage from every form of attack,
42:12beginning with their own and those of the people they love.
42:16If we're gonna save marriage,
42:18we're gonna have to get involved in a very overt way.
42:22Marriage is a building block of society,
42:25and when marriage goes, it is the last thing to go
42:28before a culture totally destructs and is gone.
42:37It's dangerous living in a society that increasingly devalues
42:42the sanctity of marriage.
42:43And if we're not careful, we can unknowingly begin
42:46to diminish the value of our own marriages
42:49and eventually suffer the consequences.
42:52It's interesting that research shows that the most committed Christians
42:56are far less likely to devalue their marriages.
43:01If you could use some practical ways to deepen your own walk with God
43:05through faith in Jesus Christ,
43:07please allow me to send you two free resources that will help you.
43:11One is a booklet called Your Greatest Turning Point,
43:14and the other is our monthly devotional magazine called Turning Points.
43:19And both will be a great encouragement to you
43:22in helping you strengthen your faith and your marriage.
43:25They can be yours free of charge if you will contact us here at Turning Point today.