00:00To share the screen with all these legends.
00:03I am a legend.
00:05Sometimes I see my name in crossword puzzles answers.
00:08I like Tom's sweater.
00:09Does he teach computer in a church basement?
00:11You dress him like that so nobody else wants to have sex with him? That's cool.
00:15Steve Carell's Foxcatcher look took two hours to put on.
00:19For comparison, it took me three hours today to prepare for my role as human woman.
00:24And this year's winner by a Canadian mile was Drake in his video for Hotline Bling.
00:28It was a haunting portrayal of a man having a seizure inside of a tanning bed.
00:32We are looking for a yard artisan to do some work on our bushes.
00:37I bet working on other people's bushes really makes you want to whack your weeds.
00:41I was dirtier than I thought.
00:42You guys are sisters. We're sisters.
00:44We can make a movie about us all.
00:47I'll call it sisters.
00:48That's a lot of sisters.
00:49Maybe too many sisters by two.
00:52We had sex in the bathroom.
00:54We've been together ever since.
00:55That's the most romantic story I've ever heard in my life.
00:59Mrs. Clinton.
01:00Okay, now hold up your phone and you can just look natural.
01:04Citizens!
01:05You will elect me!
01:07I will be your leader!
01:09Let's just do a slow motion post-apocalyptic walk.
01:13Oh my god!
01:14Guys, you cannot just trigger an explosion and not tell people!
01:17It's a different world now, guys!
01:19Tense times! Tense times!
01:20What basketball teams do you like?
01:22I like the Cincinnati Thunder Wizards.
01:24St. Louis Arches.
01:26Washington Monuments.
01:27The Maine Lobster Rolls.
01:29Goal!
01:34Hey, girl.
01:35Miss me?
01:37My Kevin.
01:39Calvin.
01:40Kevin.
01:40Calvins.
01:41My Calvins.
01:43Girls are so pretty!
01:45You should smile!
01:49It's actually a part of our five stages of mass shooting grief.
01:53Stage one is the shooting.
01:54Stage two, national mourning.
01:56Three, president cries at podium.
01:58Four, a weekend of half-assed gun control debate in the media.
02:00And then finally, we all go back to keeping up with the Kardashians.
02:03So, boom!
02:04Report filed.
02:05Jay Willy out!
02:07Times have changed since I first sat behind this desk.
02:10For example, I used to be the only pretty blonde woman reading the fake news.
02:13Now, there's a whole network devoted to that.
02:17We belong to the land!
02:19We belong to the thunder!
02:22What are you doing?
02:24I'm soloing here!
02:27Whatever!
02:28Give the turtles some lettuce.
02:29Alright!
02:30Oh, here we go!
02:42We should explain to all the people in the room.
02:45Uh, the Hollywood people.
02:46Cake is like a, it's like a fluffy dessert.
02:49Right.
02:50That people eat on their birthdays.
02:52Oh, and birthdays are like a thing people celebrate when they admit that they have aged.
02:57Look out, world!
02:59Here comes Kimmy!
03:04And a purpose quote.
03:06I know what it is.
03:08That's going to be.
03:08But maybe they like just a joke.
03:08That makes we always get the gentleman good.
03:08The man who loves it.
03:08There can't name him,
03:08But a woman who does it.
03:09You make me look towards it.
03:09You make me look towards it.
03:09I don't know where he is.
03:09You
