00:07I'm gonna try to do everything by myself today, which should be fine, as long as everybody
00:12does what they're supposed to do, right?
00:17Oh, no.
00:24I've got four minutes to get Roscoe to the vet, so I love you, kids.
00:27Get out, get out.
00:27Oh, my God!
00:30Emergency PTA meeting today at 5 o'clock.
00:32Will we see you there?
00:33I'll totally get a sitter on a Tuesday night.
00:35Yes, you can.
00:36No problem.
00:36You actually can.
00:38What do I have on the schedule today?
00:40You're super late for your marketing meeting.
00:42You have to tell me these things!
00:46I can't believe I'm gonna be late for my first soccer practice.
00:50I'm sorry, okay?
00:51I'm trying.
00:52Well, try harder, dude.
00:53Good job.
00:55The bake sale.
00:56No BPA.
00:57No MSG.
00:58No BHA.
00:59No BHT.
00:59No sesame.
01:00No soy.
01:01And, of course, no nuts or eggs or milk or butter or salt or sugar or wheat.
01:05No.
01:06What's that now?
01:07I'm so tired of trying to be this perfect mom.
01:11I'm done.
01:12You said everything I've ever felt about being a mom but couldn't save it.
01:16There are so many rules now.
01:18Don't punish your kids.
01:19Don't say no to your kids.
01:21We all work too damn hard trying to make our kids' lives amazing and magical.
01:27Their lives already are amazing and magical.
01:31To be bad moms.
01:32Oh, I'm in.
01:33To bad moms!
01:35What?
01:35Wendy!
01:37Yes, I do the cooking.
01:38Yes, I do the cleaning.
01:40Plus, I keep the nana real sweet for your eating.
01:42We have to bring down the perfect moms.
01:44Are those store-bought donut holes, baby?
01:48I am going to destroy you.
01:50I say we go punch that chick right in the tits.
01:53Great.
01:53I'm in.
02:05I made out with so many women tonight.
02:07Guys, I really like whippets.
02:11Is that your mamba?
02:13Looks like you've one long boob.
02:15It's a uniboo.
02:16This is my sexy bra.
02:18Looks like you wrapped an ace bandage around yourself like three times.
02:21Yeah, I don't even want to touch it.
02:21It's like an eye mask.
02:23Like you put it in the fridge.
02:24You got a very boys don't cry thing happening right now.
