00:00You know that my therapist doesn't believe that I suffer from depression
00:03and I'm beginning to think that I don't either.
00:05I think what I have is a kind of anxiety that is maybe co-morbid with a rage problem
00:13that is activated literally just when I'm running late.
00:19Excuse me?
00:36Sorry, my dog is acting out.
00:39I love Howard.
00:40Oh, there he goes.
00:40He's going to sleep.
00:42Well, I had to take him with me because my apartment is a hellscape at the moment.
00:46It's covered in broken glass.
00:48Really?
00:48There's a door.
00:49Oh, from Ridge.
00:50Kicked in.
00:51Ridge?
00:51Yeah.
00:51Yours.
00:51Because I got highly pigmented red lipstick on my chin in the final stages of makeup.
01:01No, I'm freaked out.
01:01About five minutes from being out the door.
01:04I'm freaked out?
01:05And absolutely spiraled.
01:07Do you like to throw?
01:08Do you like to punch?
01:09Yeah, so I don't know if that's a depressive symptom as much as it is.
01:12Maybe a kind of less enchanting behavioral issue.
01:15I mean, depression is, you know, it's not that enchanting.
01:18It's kind of a drag.
01:19I mean, I prefer, I think I'd be more into rage, comorbid with anxiety.
01:23You know what I mean?
01:25Comorbidity.
01:25Uh-huh.
01:26You know, two things dying next to each other.
01:32I think that whoever was in charge of creating this language that we speak did a very bad job
01:35with every genital word.
01:38I could not agree more.
01:40Can we just spend one moment on this, okay?
01:42And language is important to us, you know?
01:44And it also finds its way into the ways that we talk to ourselves, okay?
01:48Which we can talk.
01:49Self-talk, negative self-talk.
01:50Negative self-talk.
01:51You know, you can really lead into things.
01:53But, but, penis, you know, it's so stupid.
01:57Uh, penis.
01:58Yeah.
01:59I mean, it's literally, like, wanna hear a comparable word?
02:01Like, um, I wanna use all different consonants so it's not leaning on the same,
02:05so it's gonna be like dupus, and then it's like too close, okay?
02:08Even dupus would be better.
02:10I mean, yeah, yeah, I mean like.
02:12For that.
02:13Fuh.
02:14Wait.
02:15Wait.
02:16Penis.
02:17First of all, you have to, like, nasalize the E.
02:19So you sound like a, you sound like a whiny little.
02:22Yeah.
02:23Peen.
02:24And then, and then niss.
02:26Penis is bad in a different way than vagina.
02:28They're completely different.
02:29Do you wanna know why they're horrible?
02:30Yeah.
02:30In my estimation?
02:31Absolutely.
02:31Okay.
02:32It's, it's.
02:35Yeah.
02:36Yeah.
02:37Okay.
02:38It's like, it's trying to open it as it does.
02:41Things like spittle is moving with it.
02:43Like.
02:43It's like isomorphic.
02:44You're trying.
02:45It's like mimics the actual.
02:46Yeah.
02:48Get in now.
02:49Get in now.
02:50Yeah.
02:52Yeah.
02:54I can't even get through it.
02:55It's disgusting.
02:56I don't believe a rose by any other name.
02:58Okay.
02:59I, I.
02:59No.
03:00A different name is a different rose.
03:02Some are better.
03:05Jacqueline, what I was gonna say.
03:07Is that I really hate the word bipolar.
03:09Mmm.
03:09I, I vastly prefer.
03:11Manic depression.
03:12Manic depressive.
03:13Yeah.
03:13Because, um, I don't, and I don't really know what to, I don't know how to, I don't
03:17know if it really is just syllable count.
03:19How chewy it is to say manic depressive and how great it is and how, uh, it seems to poetically
03:26encapsulate both states.
03:28Right.
03:29Mania and depression.
03:30Right.
03:30Right.
03:30Whereas bipolar you're just saying I have two states.
03:34Right.
03:34That I have two states.
03:35Right.
03:36But some people feel that, you know, the language, right, having a diagnosis, you know, sort
03:41of, sort of, mmm, feeling around for your diagnosis, landing at, landing at a good one
03:45that you can really sink into.
03:47Yeah.
03:48Yeah, yeah.
03:48And pilot.
03:49Okay.
03:49Absolutely.
03:50You know.
03:51You can drive that diagnosis around.
03:52And, you know, oh, now that you call yourself depressed you are depressed.
03:55No, actually I'm less depressed now that I've compartmentalized it with the language.
03:59Absolutely.
03:59Okay.
03:59So here's the thing though is that we, unfortunately, like, we're all of this generation.
04:03We all have our phones.
04:05Right.
04:05We all grew up with the porn on the web or whatever.
04:07You know, we don't have, we don't have mortgages.
04:10So, okay.
04:11But we also have maybe, something it's not, it's not just a fault of our generation is,
04:16but is a good thing, is that we are entitled to our diagnoses.
04:21We would like our, the language that we use to describe our feelings.
04:26Right.
04:26To match up.
04:27To kind of map onto it in a way that feels accurate.
04:30And I think that that's not just us being brats.
04:34Self-absorbed, yeah.
04:35I think that it's absolutely important even in a context where we are allowed to talk about
04:39mental health at all.
04:44I find talking to you about depression, emotions, all that stuff, like, so delightful.
04:48Uh-huh.
04:48And like our text messages, like, really do a lot for me.
04:52Oh good.
04:52Likewise.
04:52Do you find them with value as well?
04:54Absolutely.
04:54I certainly feel this about you, that there is permission to unload without the, without
05:01the pressure to respond in full immediately.
05:04There are things where I go, okay, I can just dump this into this text message thread.
05:07Yes.
05:08At least Jacqueline will eventually appreciate the emotion and the way it's articulated.
05:12Yes.
05:12Yes.
05:13And I won't have to waste time convincing a less intelligent, less emotionally aware friend.
05:19Yes.
05:19Just getting them up to speed before I can even begin to tell them.
05:21Amazing.
05:21This is just what I want to hear.
05:22Yeah, you just serve it up, you leave it in my inbox.
05:25Yeah.
05:25I mean, I meant that metaphorically and then accidentally use technology that, you know,
05:29once again language fails us.
05:30Of course.
05:31Of course.
05:31Of course.
05:33And on this one.
05:34If you're wrong, it means an extra entitlement, or starting to record things,
05:34Let's do something ready for you here.
