00:00All right, new team by the sea, breaking news, Sam Hartman has just been announced as the next Bachelor.
00:08Now, Sam Hartman, I know who that is. Most guys know who he is.
00:12He played quarterback Wake Forest, then he transferred, was starting quarterback at Notre Dame.
00:18He was on the Commanders, I think he's on the practice squad of the Commanders, and throughout his life,
00:23and I'm talking quarterback in Notre Dame, you can't have a more prominent, important position than that.
00:30And football has always been this guy's number two.
00:33This guy is the best-looking f***ing dude on the planet.
00:38Like, this guy will turn a straight guy and turn a straight guy and be like, you're gay.
00:44Like, this guy is f***ing hot, hot, hot.
00:49Brilliant career move by him, by the way.
00:52Football's not working out.
00:53Obviously, great football player.
00:55Again, made it to the NFL, quarterback at Notre Dame, all that stuff.
00:59But this guy's looks, and guys know who he is.
01:02And I'm driving, and Rhea and Fran, they're like, you may want to do this.
01:05He just got announced as a Bachelor.
01:06I told my girlfriend.
01:07She had no idea who Sam Hartman is.
01:09I'm like, don't even look at those pics, because you're going to f***ing go hunt this guy down.
01:13He's that good-looking?
01:14Now, the thing about it is, there's absolutely no shot Sam Hartman is looking for love on The Bachelor.
01:21And to be honest, the girls probably don't really care.
01:23They just probably want to get f***ed.
01:25But, like, there's nobody in the history of Earth who has probably had an easier time meeting women throughout his
01:34life than Sam Hartman.
01:35So now he's going to go to a reality show to find love?
01:37Like, no.
01:38This is his crossover move.
01:40Like, all right, football's not going to work.
01:42I am the best-looking guy on the f***ing planet.
01:44I need all these women to know that I exist if they don't already.
01:48And I'm talking, if you just see a candid of this guy, it's like supermodel, supermodel, supermodel.
01:53Like Tyler Cameron, a lot of people say he's the best.
01:56But Tyler Cameron couldn't clean this guy's toilet bowl.
01:59This guy is like, and I think he's got a pretty good personality, too.
02:03So, yeah, people are going to get locked in.
02:05And for all you girlies out there, like, who's Sam Hartman?
02:09Prepare to get, like, your t***s blown off.
02:11Because this guy is the real f***ing deal.
02:14Looking for love, absolutely not biggest sham of all time.
02:18There's absolutely 0.0.0% chance he marries somebody from this show.
02:24This is just him doing his crossover event to become, like, the most desirable human on the planet
02:30and introduce himself to the entire female race.
02:33Brilliant move by whoever did this for him.
