00:00So, what is sexual consent?
00:08I don't know.
00:09Is it about saying yes or no to sex?
00:10Do I have to ask every time?
00:12What about if we're dating?
00:14Um...
00:15Hi, I'm Anita Heiss.
00:17I'm a Wiradjuri Yina and I'm here to talk about sexual consent.
00:21It feels like there's lots of talk about consent these days and everyone's got a different
00:25idea about what it is.
00:28So it's important we yarn about it and try and clear some things up so no one gets confused.
00:33So back to the question, what is sexual consent?
00:37Sexual consent is defined as a free, voluntary and informed agreement shared between people
00:43each time they take part in a sexual activity, which means that when it comes to getting
00:47it on, whether it's kisses, touching or anything more, nothing happens unless everyone agrees
00:52to it.
00:53It also means being okay with online stuff, like swapping nude pics, vids or racy texts.
01:00Basically, if it's about sex and others are involved, it's all about everyone giving the
01:05nod.
01:06There is only consent if you make the choice to do something sexual without anyone pushing
01:11or bullying you or making it a shame job.
01:14You make it clear you're keen to join in by saying it, showing it or, if you're sexting
01:19with someone, texting it, so everyone's on the same page.
01:23Everyone involved has to be okay with what's happening and having fun.
01:28You have to know exactly what's going on and be okay with it.
01:31So for example, you can't consent to sex if you're asleep.
01:36You have to keep saying or showing you're okay with what's happening before and during
01:40the sexual activity, not just once, but every time.
01:43No matter if you're just hooking up for the first time, been going out or been in a relationship
01:48for ages.
01:49And if you change your mind at any time before or during sex or decide you're not into it
01:53anymore, that's totally deadly and okay.
01:57You can stop or slow down at any time.
02:00So what does consent sound like?
02:03I really like that.
02:04Is this okay?
02:05Yeah, that feels good.
02:06I want to do this.
02:07Are you happy to keep going?
02:09It's all good if you want to stop.
02:11We're all different.
02:12We use different words, but you get the idea.
02:14Ah, deadly.
02:16So what doesn't consent sound like?
02:18I don't think I want to.
02:20No, not now.
02:21Let's stop, eh?
02:22I've changed my mind.
02:24This doesn't feel right.
02:25Wow, this is gammon.
02:27As you can see, there are a heap of ways to say no.
02:31But remember, even if someone doesn't say no or push back physically, or they stay really
02:36quiet, it still doesn't mean they're all okay with having sex.
02:40So keep checking in.
02:42And if you're not sure, just ask.
02:44That way everyone gets to feel good about what's going on.
02:48Can consent be withdrawn at any time?
02:50Hell yeah.
02:52But there's a point where there's no going back, right?
02:55Let's be really clear.
02:56It's okay to change your mind at any time, before or during doing anything sexual.
03:02When can't someone consent to sex, even if they say they do?
03:06That is a tricky one.
03:07I reckon if they've had too many beers.
03:09I don't know.
03:10When?
03:11Okay, so there's a few reasons why someone isn't able to give consent under any circumstances.
03:16First, if you're under a certain age, you legally can't consent.
03:21Because there's a thing in the law called the age of consent, and it's 16 or 17, depending
03:26on where your mob live and the age of the people involved.
03:30Second, if someone's off their head or out of it because of grog or drugs, they can't
03:35consent.
03:36Same goes if someone's asleep or passed out.
03:39No consent there.
03:41If someone doesn't understand what's going on, or if they've been bullied, conned or
03:45tricked, they can't consent either.
03:48Having sex without consent isn't just bad and not on, it's against the law.
03:54What is online consent?
03:56Like, sexting and sending nudes and stuff.
04:00Asking if she wants a spicy pic?
04:02Clicking like.
04:04Sex isn't just about having sex, it's any kind of sexual activity, which includes sending
04:10sexy texts, pics or vids to someone.
04:13Unless the other person's keen, don't hit that send button, and when it comes to photos
04:18and videos, don't share them around if the people in them don't want you to.
04:21If you're not sure, it's easy.
04:24Don't do it.
04:25Simple as that.
04:26What does power and control have to do with consent?
04:29You're gay, man.
04:30Yeah, no idea.
04:31Like, you shouldn't force someone physically?
04:33Do you mean having sex with someone because they pressure you?
04:36Saying no or stop to sexual activity can be hard, especially when there's what's called
04:41a power imbalance.
04:43That means one person has more power than the other.
04:47That could be because someone's older, like a family friend.
04:51Maybe they're in charge at work or got some authority, like a boss, a coach or a teacher.
04:55Or you might not understand what the person is asking you to do.
04:59Or they say they'll break up with you if you don't have sex with them.
05:03It can be really scary to speak up if this happens.
05:07The person with the power might not even realise they're doing something wrong, but they are.
05:12And that's why it's important to talk to someone you trust.
05:16There are people in our communities who really care and they know how to help out.
05:20So please don't keep it to yourself if it's happening to you or someone that you know.
05:25Having a good yarn about sexual consent makes things safer for everyone, which means a lifetime
05:30of deadly respectful, strong relationships.
05:32Remember, there's lots of great resources to help you.
05:37Head to consent.gov.au to find out where you can get more information about sexual consent,
05:44yarning to other adults and yarning to our young ones.
05:48Because consent can't wait.
