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00:00:00From the Our Family collection, Father Ernesto María Caro presents the seminar
00:00:11Growing Together. The author of the book of Genesis gives us an explanation about family life.
00:00:18When it says, "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become husband and wife."
00:00:25One flesh. Marriage is about leaving everything behind to follow your loved one to the very end.
00:00:34to give everything for that loved one. Men and women are called to give themselves completely.
00:00:41each other, because that is their vocation, to be for each other. The vocation of
00:00:50The human couple consists of surrendering themselves in selfless love to the point of being willing
00:00:56to lay down one's life for another. No one has greater love than this: to lay down one's life for one's neighbor.
00:01:03Jesus tells us that he loves. The husband is invited to give his life for his wife. The woman is called
00:01:12to follow the husband as head and guide of the family. A new family that sank its
00:01:18roots in the love, care and security experienced at home with one's own parents.
00:01:25Therefore, Christians are called to honor their own parents, but also to honor the
00:01:32Married life is a sacrament that God has forged with his love and presence. We hope
00:01:39May this material be of great help to your married life. With you, Father Ernesto
00:01:46Maria Caro.
00:01:59I'd like to return to Ephesians 5:31, which is how we began. For this reason a man will leave his father and his wife and his wife.
00:02:08mother and will unite with his wife to become one. This leaving of father and mother
00:02:18It aims to create within us a new society independent of the other, with elements that come from
00:02:30from the other society. We both share what we have, what we are, to form a new one
00:02:37society. But it is independent. This is not always achieved, I think for two very reasons
00:02:48important. So that man and woman, whom we must always understand in this passage, man and woman
00:02:56Women have to leave their homes and start a new relationship, as we said at the beginning, because that's what I've said.
00:03:02I've decided, and the reason is because I've found someone with whom I'm going to share my whole life. Based on...
00:03:09All of this stems, in part, from the fact that parents didn't raise their children properly. If we
00:03:19Let's go back to the text of Ephesians, but now in chapter 6, it says in verse 4, and you fathers did not
00:03:29Do not irritate your children, but train them up, correct them, and teach them as the Lord would. One of the
00:03:39The elements that God seeks in his people are independence, making their own decisions, and...
00:03:51Let him be responsible for the decisions he makes. Unfortunately, this doesn't happen today.
00:04:01It's a common topic of conversation in our families, and I refer to it frequently, as we haven't discussed it today.
00:04:12Having taken this step, we haven't taken this step in our families. Today, parents seek to protect, and what do I say?
00:04:22To protect, to overprotect, children, giving them absolutely everything. They solve their problems and look after them.
00:04:31to solve their problems for life. One of the problems we've had at the institute is precisely this.
00:04:40A Christian institute that seeks to do things as God commands, because we
00:04:48We found that when we want to set certain disciplinary rules, the father doesn't...
00:04:55They agree. And they do exactly the opposite of what you would expect the father to do.
00:05:06I'll briefly touch on this situation to shed some light on the issue of school entrance. The gate closes at
00:05:17Eight. That's all. It's eight o'clock. Really? It's not eight o'clock. The door closes at eight. What is the
00:05:28The father's reaction? He gets angry, upset, yells, shouts, and he does all this in front of the child. Right?
00:05:37What is the child understanding? These people are intransigent. My dad is right. Why don't we
00:05:46Do they let him in? And then he begins to understand that when he has problems, his dad will solve them for him.
00:05:55So here he's hit a wall. Because even if he shouts, yells, threatens, and all that, it's not going to happen.
00:06:04But in many places, it does happen. Because the father gets angry and, as long as he doesn't leave school,
00:06:12Keep paying your dues, then let him in. And we can discuss this using the example I'm giving.
00:06:19just to shed light, even on grading situations, on why my child doesn't pass, can't
00:06:25Going in, well, all this kind of thing that annoys parents. Where parents go
00:06:32always covering their backs and not allowing them to face the consequences of their decisions.
00:06:39People come to me because they have problems. What should I do, Father? I don't know. Isn't it my problem?
00:06:51It's your problem, not mine. I can enlighten you. I can show you things you might not see on your own.
00:06:59You see. Remember what I was saying yesterday? I can't see what I don't see. So, well,
00:07:06My role is to help you see what you don't see and then give you a slightly bigger picture.
00:07:14more extensive, to encourage you to pray so that God may inwardly give you light, illuminate you, but ultimately
00:07:23The decision is yours to make. And how will your decision turn out? Well, you'll have to face the consequences.
00:07:31It's your responsibility to have made this decision. I can't fix it for you because it's yours.
00:07:39But today, unfortunately, in many homes that are obviously not Christian, and I mean
00:07:50Christians who live what we have been seeing today. All of you as Christian couples, I am
00:07:58I'm quite sure that many of these things hadn't been reviewed and viewed in this light. So
00:08:05You say, wow, and no wonder we have problems. And this explains why couples today...
00:08:12They destroy. Because the man is not aware of his role as a servant. Because the woman
00:08:21They don't feel they're receiving adequate support. And because, from this perspective, neither of them is...
00:08:30doing what God intended for marriage. Marriage, then, is a creation of God.
00:08:38which works under certain rules, like everything else, right? Well, by not following those rules, we begin to
00:08:47It's rattling, isn't it? Little by little, the project disintegrates until it finally crashes. Today
00:08:54Practically 70%, 68% of couples end up badly. Right? But why? Well, because they don't know the
00:09:06God's plan. If you, who are now the new generation, if you do not live your lives according to God's plan.
00:09:16According to God's plan, not only will their marriages end badly, but getting into the topic of
00:09:23children, whom I will not discuss today, will also end up destroying them, making them useless and irresponsible.
00:09:36But today you can't tell a child that he is useless or irresponsible because, how could you?
00:09:43Trauma. When I tell him the truth, it traumatizes him.
00:09:46When I tell him that he is irresponsible or useless or that he does things in a certain way
00:09:56wrong, does it traumatize him?
00:10:00The topic recently discussed at school was the situation regarding positive education.
00:10:08Never say no to a child.
00:10:10Find a way to tell him yes so he doesn't do what he shouldn't do.
00:10:14Well, God, who created the world and created us, does not share this opinion with psychologists.
00:10:25TRUE?
00:10:28Evidence of this is found in the most elementary, fundamental, and supine aspects.
00:10:35These are the Ten Commandments.
00:10:40He doesn't start by saying, it would be good if you treated your father and mother well.
00:10:48Not doing it will always have negative consequences for you and it's a real hassle, right?
00:10:53To see if by chance you understand that you shouldn't do things a certain way.
00:11:02When he talks about the fifth commandment, he is not trying or seeking to convince you not to kill.
00:11:14That would be nice, wouldn't it?
00:11:15It's a societal norm, because it brings many benefits when you get along well with others, etc.
00:11:22TRUE?
00:11:22No, God is very reserved.
00:11:27Thou shalt not kill.
00:11:29Spot.
00:11:32Sixth commandment.
00:11:33I'm going to convince you of the positive things you'll have if you don't have relationships outside of marriage.
00:11:42No.
00:11:43I'm not going to convince you of anything.
00:11:45I'm going to tell you, you shall not fornicate.
00:11:48Spot.
00:11:48As you can see, God does not agree with some modern positions of psychologists, of this child psychology.
00:11:59What is creating all this?
00:12:01Well, a terrible dependence on daddy and mommy.
00:12:06Because?
00:12:06Because they are the ones who have decided my life.
00:12:10Because they are the ones who have carried on all my mistakes and failures.
00:12:15And I know that when I fail, there's always Mommy and Daddy there, who will get me out of trouble.
00:12:24Obviously, now bring this to our adult lives, where you are making a decision.
00:12:32We were saying that at the beginning, right?
00:12:33I decided, I decided to join this woman and spend my whole life with her.
00:12:42In conversations and everything else, a person will realize that this is not going to be easy.
00:12:53When I talk to the couples, I tell them, by now you must have already realized
00:13:01that there will be problems because they have had problems in their relationship.
00:13:05And those problems they've had are just minor issues.
00:13:10It's a training exercise.
00:13:13It's just to see if I'll be able to handle the big ones later.
00:13:19Let's see if I have the skills.
00:13:21There are going to be problems.
00:13:23And I, who decided to marry you, have to face them.
00:13:28Not my daddy, nor my mommy.
00:13:33I'm deciding to move out of my house.
00:13:38Never to return.
00:13:42It's a decision I make.
00:13:44Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife.
00:13:48And they will be a new thing, a new flesh.
00:13:52But what has happened in the homes where this hasn't worked?
00:14:01Where, not knowing God's plan, we make children dependent.
00:14:12And we make them dependent because I feel like I am him and I want to live his life
00:14:17And I want to spare him all the problems, so I'm going to be involved in his whole life.
00:14:23Just like that, I went in and left and got into a huge fight with the teacher who gave me a 5.
00:14:29Because he's a donkey, son.
00:14:31But I cannot and will not admit it.
00:14:34Maybe he's not a donkey, like I told them at school.
00:14:37He simply doesn't have the capacity for this school, period.
00:14:40In other words, some people don't have enough brain cells.
00:14:43Because?
00:14:44Because that's how it is.
00:14:47Why can't everyone get into Harvard?
00:14:51Well, because you don't give, buddy.
00:14:53In other words, you simply don't have that ability.
00:14:58When I don't discover this and help my children discover it,
00:15:03then I create them as dependents.
00:15:07And that dependence is a codependency.
00:15:10In other words, the son depends on the father and the father depends on the son.
00:15:14They are so close that wherever the son is in trouble, he is there too.
00:15:20And just as I argue with the teacher so that my son has what I think he should have,
00:15:28A 10, that's how I'm going to get involved in their marriage.
00:15:31Then I'm going to make sure my little boy or girl is happy.
00:15:40According to whom?
00:15:41In my opinion.
00:15:44I frequently encounter this problem and I tell them,
00:15:50They are happy this way.
00:15:51That can't be, that's how it is.
00:15:58Each marriage establishes its own code of happiness.
00:16:04But we want to ensure the happiness of our children.
00:16:12Regardless of whether they have their own criteria,
00:16:18their own convictions and have made their own decisions.
00:16:23Psalm 127, in verse 4,
00:16:28It tells us that children are arrows in the hands of an archer.
00:16:34Children are arrows in the hands of an archer.
00:16:43In other words, the archer will take the arrow from his quiver that he has had there.
00:16:50and that it is not meant to be in the quiver because an arrow is meant to be shot,
00:16:55But what is the arrow for? It's not just for decoration.
00:16:59So the dad has to understand and the mom has to understand
00:17:02that he had it for a while and that afterwards his mission is to put it on the bow
00:17:08and throw it away, nothing more.
00:17:13When will that arrow return?
00:17:15The arrow will never return.
00:17:19And the father, from the moment he conceives the child,
00:17:22He needs to know that he's got it like an arrow.
00:17:25to launch it.
00:17:28They need to prepare them for life.
00:17:31They have to prepare them for launching.
00:17:35Not so that they stay in the house.
00:17:39That is a complete sign of immaturity.
00:17:42and above all,
00:17:45of never having understood God's plan
00:17:47nor for their marriage,
00:17:50nor for their children.
00:17:51I repeat what I have been saying.
00:17:56When we don't do what God says,
00:17:59When we go down a different path than God's plan,
00:18:04The project is destroyed, it fails.
00:18:07And very often they are the parents of the family
00:18:12those who ruin the family project
00:18:16because they still want to do what they did to them
00:18:20since they were little.
00:18:23To keep them as useless and irresponsible.
00:18:26Dad, I'm having problems with my wife.
00:18:31Let's talk about it.
00:18:33I've already arrived with my suitcases.
00:18:34because I'm having problems.
00:18:36You go to a hotel, you go back there.
00:18:38You're not coming back to this house.
00:18:40My role is not to receive you.
00:18:42I already threw you.
00:18:43I put you in the alcove
00:18:44and I threw you.
00:18:46And now, my friend, here you go.
00:18:47You have to take responsibility.
00:18:53That's what I taught you.
00:18:55That you're having problems.
00:18:58No problem, brothers, in marriage.
00:19:01It is insoluble when detected and addressed in time.
00:19:08All problems can be solved.
00:19:12Everyone, absolutely everyone.
00:19:14Even more so when we are Christians.
00:19:19When we understand
00:19:21that God is directly involved
00:19:24in this alliance project.
00:19:28Are you having problems?
00:19:31Solve them.
00:19:32I'm going to help you solve them.
00:19:35Like I do when a couple comes to talk to me.
00:19:39I'm not going to tell you what to do.
00:19:45I'm going to listen to both of you.
00:19:47and from their perspective
00:19:49I'm going to try to build a scenario for you.
00:19:53And then I first listen to one
00:19:55And I see how he's seeing things.
00:19:59Man's vision.
00:20:01And then I see the woman's vision
00:20:03With everything I've been telling you just now, right?
00:20:06And I say, no, well, this guy is seeing one thing
00:20:09And he's looking at something else.
00:20:11He's not seeing anything about the woman
00:20:13And he's not seeing anything about the man.
00:20:15Where are the problems?
00:20:17According to what you tell me
00:20:19These areas need to be addressed.
00:20:23There is a lot of selfishness here, there is a lot of selfishness over here.
00:20:25There's this situation here, there's this situation over there.
00:20:28This is what you present to me
00:20:29And now I'm showing them to you.
00:20:30We verbalize it, we expose it
00:20:34And now you have to make decisions.
00:20:39Well, I think you should change all of this.
00:20:44And you would have to change all of this, it seems to me.
00:20:48Are you going to change it?
00:20:49I don't know.
00:20:50But what I can tell you is that if they continue like this,
00:20:54Since this is the focus of the problem,
00:20:57as long as you don't eradicate it,
00:20:59This will therefore continue to bring problems to your marriage.
00:21:03Come to a retreat
00:21:10It is suddenly presented to us
00:21:13a panorama that I don't know, that I don't see
00:21:16or that I didn't see
00:21:17And now what do I have to do?
00:21:20Making decisions.
00:21:23I was just telling you about our previous reflection.
00:21:26Well, perhaps we should start by saying
00:21:29Hey, you know what? Sorry.
00:21:30I didn't know this, but now that I do,
00:21:34I'm going to try to change this in my life.
00:21:37I will keep these aspects more in mind.
00:21:39that God has for our lives,
00:21:41for our marriage.
00:21:43Well, making decisions.
00:21:46What is my role?
00:21:48I don't know all of your lives.
00:21:51I don't know in which of the areas and topics
00:21:54And of the thousand elements I have been mentioning,
00:21:57God has shown you something
00:21:59that you didn't see.
00:22:01Now you see it.
00:22:04Now you have to make decisions.
00:22:06If you don't take them,
00:22:07your life will continue
00:22:08exactly the same
00:22:10that's what they were like.
00:22:12This is the role of the Father.
00:22:15To help you see clearly
00:22:17things you're not seeing.
00:22:18and push you,
00:22:21to help you,
00:22:23provide you with the resources
00:22:25so that you can
00:22:26start working on them.
00:22:30I'm not going to talk to your wife.
00:22:33That's your problem.
00:22:37I see that there are these problems.
00:22:39Maybe she wanted to
00:22:40also talk to me
00:22:42and then I could have
00:22:44the full reference.
00:22:45It will not normally work that way.
00:22:49Because?
00:22:50Because I'm a dad
00:22:51And no matter how much I want to
00:22:52Fatherhood is winning me over.
00:22:56I can hear you
00:22:58And I can tell you
00:23:00That's not what I taught you.
00:23:02Or these things
00:23:03You haven't treated them
00:23:05with maturity
00:23:06and depth.
00:23:07Or repeat yourself
00:23:08some of these topics
00:23:09that you as dad
00:23:11You should have told him
00:23:12to your son
00:23:13or your daughter.
00:23:14Darling,
00:23:15You are helpful
00:23:16from the husband.
00:23:18You are that part
00:23:19as a complement.
00:23:22And you're not living it.
00:23:23Because you're involved
00:23:24on the filthy internet.
00:23:26I'm Dad
00:23:29I would have to help him
00:23:30to review
00:23:31this topic
00:23:32which I already saw with her.
00:23:34Or with him
00:23:35my son
00:23:36Well, I told you.
00:23:38that you had
00:23:38taking care of your house
00:23:40and you had to do
00:23:40all this
00:23:41And you haven't been doing it.
00:23:43No, it's just that I don't want to
00:23:44to have arguments.
00:23:45You didn't want to have any arguments
00:23:47And now you're in trouble.
00:23:48the size of fear.
00:23:50Because?
00:23:50Because you didn't do it
00:23:51what the Lord
00:23:52I was asking you.
00:23:54This is wonderful
00:23:55of the Christian life
00:23:56that emerges
00:23:58of a divine project.
00:24:01This is not a project
00:24:01that we invented
00:24:03Let's see how it goes.
00:24:05It's a project
00:24:06which is perfectly
00:24:07planned by God.
00:24:09It has all the elements
00:24:11to be successful.
00:24:13There's nothing more to it than experiencing it.
00:24:14just as God intended.
00:24:17Use a machine
00:24:18in the wrong way
00:24:20It will end in ruin.
00:24:22I bought a boat
00:24:23And I want to use that boat
00:24:25go into the desert
00:24:27Well, it doesn't work there.
00:24:28It's the best boat.
00:24:29It cost me thousands of pesos.
00:24:30She looks beautiful.
00:24:32But in the desert
00:24:33there is nothing but oases
00:24:34And there's a little puddle there.
00:24:35and it's not going to pull.
00:24:37You have to go to the sea
00:24:37And you have to use it
00:24:38as God tells you
00:24:40that you use it.
00:24:43If we don't know
00:24:45not even the project
00:24:46God's word for marriage
00:24:47And He is the inventor,
00:24:49siblings,
00:24:50This is
00:24:50always bad.
00:24:53This is the situation
00:24:54of our society
00:24:55modern
00:24:56which is a society
00:24:57pagan
00:24:58of baptized
00:24:59but pagans
00:25:00that they don't know
00:25:02God's plan
00:25:03and not knowing
00:25:04God's plan
00:25:05well you
00:25:06How are you going to teach it to him?
00:25:07your son?
00:25:09Right now, because already
00:25:10Did you hear it?
00:25:11And you already know which one it is.
00:25:12the father's mission,
00:25:15from the husband.
00:25:16So, you already told him
00:25:17no mijito
00:25:17You are not here
00:25:19so that they may be useful to you
00:25:20but to serve
00:25:22because this is what
00:25:23says the word of God
00:25:24And that's what you
00:25:25have you seen
00:25:25that I have done
00:25:26with your mother
00:25:27serve it
00:25:28or is that not true
00:25:29my son
00:25:30Yeah?
00:25:31And then the child
00:25:31He's learning
00:25:32that has to serve
00:25:34to his wife
00:25:35and that she gets married
00:25:35to serve
00:25:36and the woman
00:25:37understands
00:25:38that it has to be
00:25:39complement
00:25:40of the husband
00:25:41and that it has to
00:25:42obey it
00:25:42and respect it
00:25:43and then
00:25:46Well, everything works.
00:25:47Perfect, it's a perfect little machine
00:25:51but when
00:25:53I was not instructed in this
00:25:56And so we can come from generations.
00:25:58my grandfather and my great-great-grandfather
00:26:00As happens to us, right?
00:26:02So here I am the big boss.
00:26:04And if not, well, I can drink here.
00:26:06And I can bring pornography and I can do this
00:26:08And I'm a devout Catholic.
00:26:09And don't take away my Virgin of Guadalupe.
00:26:12That's our Catholic Christian culture, isn't it?
00:26:22He's a devout Catholic, but he's a tyrant in his own home.
00:26:26I haven't understood that God's plan for marriage is for him to serve.
00:26:31And if you're not good enough, then you're not good enough.
00:26:37Just like that, as plain as this.
00:26:40We need to understand this project, first so that you can pass it on to your children.
00:26:49It is the responsibility of parents to educate their children in freedom and responsibility.
00:26:57That I can be able to make my decisions responsibly and then face the consequences.
00:27:05I told you, my son, not to drink and drive.
00:27:14You drank and drove.
00:27:16You messed up the car.
00:27:18There is no other car.
00:27:21No, the father did what the boy shouldn't have done.
00:27:25Chocó.
00:27:26Let's just say there were no personal tragedies.
00:27:28He either gets his car fixed or buys him another one.
00:27:35What does the child understand?
00:27:36Whatever happens, however it happens, daddy is always there.
00:27:39I will never be responsible for what I do.
00:27:43And there we are, going to bribe the traffic cops so they don't put down that I was driving under the influence of alcohol, so the insurance company will pay.
00:27:54And I fix everything for my son so he doesn't suffer the consequences of his mistakes.
00:28:02Brothers, we are pushing him towards the biggest failure of his entire life.
00:28:10Children are arrows in the hands of an archer.
00:28:15What I'm telling you, you now have to take to heart with your parents.
00:28:28Daddy, Mommy, you don't have to do anything in my marriage.
00:28:34Nothing.
00:28:36Can you advise me?
00:28:37Yeah.
00:28:39Enough.
00:28:39A father who interferes in a couple's relationship adulterates it.
00:28:49Adultery is taking away the essence of what it is.
00:28:56That's why when a woman or a man interferes in a couple's relationship, they adulterate it.
00:29:03That's where adultery comes from.
00:29:04I who should be nothing more than this woman's or this woman only mine.
00:29:10And then comes a third one who doesn't belong to this story.
00:29:15So what does he do?
00:29:16He adulterates it.
00:29:19Adulterated milk.
00:29:21Well, it's not milk anymore, is it?
00:29:23What's that?
00:29:24Who knows?
00:29:24But it's not milk anymore.
00:29:26And the more water you add, the less milk it will be.
00:29:30A person, a third party, who begins to interfere in the relationship, whether on the emotional side, because it is a person, the secretary or the friend or whatever, who begins to get involved and begins to take away the relationship and the attention, is adulterating it.
00:29:52And the more he gets involved, the more he corrupts it, until he ends up destroying it completely.
00:29:58Adultery in marriage is seen from the perspective of the person who enters into a romantic relationship, whether it is with someone from our own generation or anyone else who enters into it.
00:30:18There.
00:30:19If our father, our mother, interfere in my marriage, they are adulterating it.
00:30:28And the more it's introduced, the more it adulterates it.
00:30:33Until the moment of destroying it.
00:30:36When I realize that another person is interfering in my marriage, I realize that, well, the secretary or a friend, I don't know who, is starting a relationship, my marriage is being adulterated,
00:30:59But, well, I would have to find a way to completely end this.
00:31:10When they come to me, it's because they're already involved in this issue, right?
00:31:15They became entangled, entangled by a series of other problems they had within the marriage, and began to have a relationship with another person.
00:31:23What needs to be done?
00:31:29Cut.
00:31:31Cut-off.
00:31:33There is no other way.
00:31:37He keeps calling me on the phone, change your number.
00:31:43He keeps looking for me and coming to my house, change cities, change jobs.
00:31:46In other words, you have to remove the source of adultery in order for your married life to be restored.
00:31:58What happens when it's the dad or mom who's interfering and committing adultery?
00:32:03Well, with all the pain in my heart, the trips to my mom and dad's house are over.
00:32:13And I forbid you, right?, from interfering in my life.
00:32:21Shortly after I was ordained, in my first year, I had two problems.
00:32:26One with my dad and one with my mom, because they interfered in my marriage.
00:32:36One day my dad mentioned, while we were at the table, I don't remember where he got into the topic, but the story was that
00:32:46These women, who are called by God to be close to the church, are the ones who offer to wash the garments.
00:32:57And for many members of the parish, right?
00:33:01Well, Dad started ranting about these people, right?
00:33:07And, well, I had to stop him, right?
00:33:11He didn't speak to me, I don't know if it was a week or more, right?
00:33:17There was a strong disagreement between him and me.
00:33:20Then my mom intervened, probably with both of them, and things gradually calmed down and the problem was over.
00:33:31Dad never got involved again.
00:33:34On another occasion, I had gone; it was my day off, and I went to eat at my parents' house as I always do.
00:33:46And I was at the table, I was resting, I mean, we were there chatting and the phone rang and Mom answered, right?
00:33:57And then I hear him say, "Father is resting right now, call him later, okay?"
00:34:06He heard about his day off and hung up, right?
00:34:10No, well, forget it, right?
00:34:12With my mom, whom I love tremendously.
00:34:15I said, mother, never do that again.
00:34:19You can't decide who I attend to and who I don't, and when I rest and when I don't.
00:34:23If you call me, let me know, because otherwise I won't come back to the house to rest.
00:34:30My mom stayed behind and my dad was even colder.
00:34:34Another argument, huh?
00:34:35Two or three weeks, because of what I had told them.
00:34:39A sure cure.
00:34:42It was two or three weeks with each of us dealing with problems and turmoil and all this stuff.
00:34:47They have never interfered again, not in my decisions, with my church, whether I say, do, see, or don't see.
00:34:57That's my problem.
00:34:59She is my wife.
00:35:01And I can have the relationship with her that I have decided to have with her.
00:35:06My parents can't go into it.
00:35:08Did I have any arguments?
00:35:09Especially with my dad, because, well, two men, right?
00:35:15And well, I'm the oldest and I've always had a very good relationship with my dad.
00:35:19Well, he was, now he rests in the Lord.
00:35:23So, those kinds of situations definitely had a significant impact on the relationship at that time.
00:35:29But you're not going to interfere in my life.
00:35:32In other words, you're not going to make decisions in my marriage.
00:35:35And well, then, straight to the point.
00:35:40I mean, there's no, oh dad, well look at this and that.
00:35:42Or to annoy me a little.
00:35:44No.
00:35:45Soups, right?
00:35:46It's over.
00:35:46In other words, you don't do it again.
00:35:48Or I'm not coming back to the house.
00:35:51Oh, Carlitos.
00:35:54But we like being politicians.
00:35:59TRUE?
00:36:00And we must be, as an American preacher says, we have to be Christians.
00:36:05Properly Christian, not properly political.
00:36:09What is politics?
00:36:11Well, look, there you go.
00:36:13No.
00:36:15My love, your parents are interfering too much in our lives.
00:36:20Or you talk to them.
00:36:24Or we'll never go back to their house.
00:36:27Oh, dear.
00:36:29That's how it is.
00:36:32What is difficult?
00:36:33What is hard?
00:36:34Yeah.
00:36:34Just as hard as cutting off the secretary or someone who is interfering in my life and starting to corrupt my marriage.
00:36:44We have to put an end to that.
00:36:45It is a new entity.
00:36:48It is God's project.
00:36:49And we're not going to ruin it because of adultery.
00:36:53Adultery of a girl or a boy who start getting involved.
00:36:56Or the adultery of my parents who are constantly interfering with me, my wife, and my children.
00:37:01They are getting involved in an area that is no longer within their jurisdiction.
00:37:06Can they continue to give advice?
00:37:08Yeah.
00:37:08My dad could have given me some advice.
00:37:10My mom.
00:37:11My little boy studies during his break.
00:37:14Rest.
00:37:15Look, you can take care of it.
00:37:16Yeah.
00:37:16It's right.
00:37:18But I make the decision.
00:37:20In other words, I decide whether or not to answer the phone, whether or not to go.
00:37:25I will listen to my dad and my mom.
00:37:28You carry a lot of burdens and you're still going to do it on your day off.
00:37:31Then you'll be sick.
00:37:34And I will make the decision.
00:37:35But he can't just grab me and make the decision for me and tell my wife I'm not going to take care of her.
00:37:43Because I'm resting.
00:37:46You can't do that.
00:37:48It's my decision.
00:37:51And well, if I say this about how we have to be decisive in our lives.
00:37:58When we have decided to leave our father and mother to live and form a relationship with a new person.
00:38:07So now I turn the tables the other way because it often happens that we then fall into abandonment by our parents.
00:38:16It's my home now, it's my life, this, that.
00:38:17And my parents, no, man, now I only have remnants of them.
00:38:21This, apart from that, because as parents get older, they become more difficult.
00:38:27They are more foolish.
00:38:29They have diseases.
00:38:30Anyway, life is getting more complicated.
00:38:32And then, we also have to address the issue of honoring our father and our mother.
00:38:44Jesus, in chapter 7 of Matthew, in verses 9 to 13, says the following.
00:38:56He also told them, "He is talking to the Pharisees."
00:38:58He also told them, "You cleverly violate God's commandment to keep your traditions."
00:39:08For Moses said, honor your father and your mother, and whoever speaks evil of his father and his mother shall be put to death.
00:39:16But you say, if a man says to his father or mother, anything of mine that could benefit you, he is a scumbag.
00:39:24That is, an offering to God; they no longer let him do anything for his father or his mother.
00:39:32Thus invalidating the word of God through their tradition.
00:39:37Which they have transmitted and do many similar things.
00:39:42When I left home, I said, 'I will leave my father and mother and be united to my wife.'
00:39:50So, Dad, you're sick? Well, tough luck, right?
00:39:55Do you need money for your old age? Well, tough luck.
00:40:00Need some advice? Need someone to take you to the doctor? Well, go for it.
00:40:04Why did I already leave you? He says, and with this, what do we do? We invalidate the fundamental commandment.
00:40:16It is true that we said, 'A man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife.'
00:40:23But it is also true that the fourth commandment requires us to take care of them.
00:40:28There would be many texts, Exodus 20:12, its parallel Leviticus 19:3.
00:40:39Honor your father and your mother so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.
00:40:47In Leviticus 19:3.
00:40:49Each of you must revere your father and your mother.
00:40:53That is why in marriage we must also make room for our parents, especially in their old age.
00:41:03If we truly want to fully comply with what the Lord asks of us,
00:41:10We must do what Ecclesiasticus 3:11-16 tells us.
00:41:14So, just as I've said something that is biblical, all supported by the Bible, what I told you a while ago,
00:41:38The Lord also asks us to be careful.
00:41:44However, I have decided to join my wife and form a new partnership with them.
00:41:49And that nothing and no one should adulterate it; I must not forget that they are my parents.
00:41:56In the New Testament, Saint Paul, continuing the duties of the family,
00:42:02It instructs us about the duties of children towards their parents.
00:42:06And it doesn't say it's just when they're kids.
00:42:10It says, "Honor your father and your mother," which is the first commandment with a promise,
00:42:15so that things go well for you and that you have a long life on earth.
00:42:19I have seen in my experience that whoever follows this commandment
00:42:24She leads a very prosperous and happy life both within and outside of her marriage.
00:42:34He who continually honors his father and mother, giving them the place they deserve,
00:42:42He will always have a great blessing in them.
00:42:45Parents don't finish their mission when we leave the house.
00:42:50Nor can we ignore all that we were taught, as the book of Proverbs says,
00:42:55Proverbs 6, 20, 22 tells us,
00:42:59My son, keep your father's commandment and do not forsake your mother's teaching.
00:43:05Bind them continually to your heart, lift them up on your neck,
00:43:09When you walk, it will guide you; when you sleep, it will watch over you.
00:43:12And when you wake up they will speak to you.
00:43:16Parents have an important role in providing support,
00:43:21not of promise.
00:43:24We need to give them that space in our lives.
00:43:29People who get married and never ask their dad for advice again.
00:43:32Hey, Dad, what's up with this, huh?
00:43:38I'm fine, I'm not fine.
00:43:40And the father, especially if he is a Christian, will take out the word of God and tell him,
00:43:44To my son, remember what I've said before,
00:43:47or what the word of the Lord tells us here.
00:43:50They have an important supporting role.
00:43:53Because?
00:43:53Simply because they are old, because they are big,
00:43:57because they've already been where we walk.
00:44:00I don't know if you guys saw the movie Fireproof,
00:44:06Like a father, without interfering, without saying anything, he tells him,
00:44:11My son, this is the way, right?
00:44:14That's what happened to me.
00:44:17I was, in the end, one of those who had already seen it,
00:44:19Well, it turns out he was the one who was doing wrong, right?
00:44:21And her mother was the one who knew how to stay strong, pray, and wait.
00:44:31So, my son, listen to what I'm telling you.
00:44:34The Lord tells you this, do this, do that.
00:44:37He didn't go to talk to his daughter-in-law.
00:44:39To tell him, no, man, look, don't leave, you're wrong,
00:44:42How are you getting in here?
00:44:43No, the son was also very unwell, wasn't he?
00:44:46And with all his pornography craziness and his little boat
00:44:50and all that kind of stuff, nor did he tell her to leave the ship,
00:44:55Nor did he tell her to stop watching pornography.
00:44:58The word of God and conversion led him there.
00:45:02Thanks to whom was that marriage saved?
00:45:05Thanks to Dad.
00:45:06Yes, mainly to the dad, right?
00:45:11His father, who is the one who has the relationship with the boy
00:45:15and he instructs him in the things of the Lord
00:45:18And he says to her, "I've been here too, and I know it's difficult."
00:45:23I know you don't understand me, but persevere.
00:45:26Listen to me.
00:45:27He intervenes in him, in his son.
00:45:33He advises him, he pushes him to get back on the right track.
00:45:40In other words, we can't stop thinking that our parents lived through things
00:45:44because we haven't lived
00:45:46and that can be a good experience, can be good advice.
00:45:53We should feel proud of them.
00:45:58Sometimes we change social class.
00:46:03If we come from a certain social class,
00:46:05our parents with great effort
00:46:07They gave us the opportunity to get a degree,
00:46:10even at some good universities.
00:46:12This led us to get a good job
00:46:14And from there a different life began to develop than the one we had been living.
00:46:18We started living in another part of the city.
00:46:21We started getting cars and things
00:46:23that we didn't have when we were little.
00:46:27And our parents, well, maybe they came from a ranch.
00:46:31And they're the kind who arrive like that, with their hat and
00:46:34Hello, son!
00:46:35And you start to feel bad like that
00:46:39because your friends are there
00:46:40And they say, wow, is this your boss?
00:46:44We started to feel unwell
00:46:47And we've already invited them, for example, to our social gatherings
00:46:50because now they're on another level.
00:46:53And Dad, well, he's not very used to bathing much.
00:46:56Because he comes from the ranch, right?
00:46:59He takes a bath on Saturday if he's supposed to, and if not, then not on Saturday either, right?
00:47:02And he uses language like that, like ranchera and sloppy and I don't know.
00:47:12And then we started to feel bad about our parents.
00:47:16Or it doesn't have the culture that we have today.
00:47:19And with the people you're hanging out with,
00:47:22Well, that's when you start to feel bad.
00:47:25and you start to marginalize your parents.
00:47:29You no longer feel proud of them.
00:47:33Proud that through a lot of sacrifices and hard work
00:47:37They made you what you are now.
00:47:40Thanks to sleepless nights and working day and night
00:47:46in order to be able to pay for university,
00:47:49Now you have this opportunity to live in this new society.
00:47:55Proverbs 17:6 says
00:47:58The children of the children are the crown of the aged.
00:48:04and the glory of the children is their parents.
00:48:07Brothers, let us never feel
00:48:11ashamed of our parents.
00:48:16Perhaps they weren't the best.
00:48:19Perhaps we could have even had drunk parents
00:48:24and all these kinds of situations.
00:48:27Yes, they did not know the Lord.
00:48:31They didn't have the opportunities we had.
00:48:34And that's why they became what they were, right?
00:48:40I had a raspy-faced Juan as a dad, right?
00:48:44Partygoer, womanizer and smoker, right?
00:48:46Yes, we would have to look into her family history.
00:48:51And we would see that this is what they experienced as children with their parents.
00:48:55And so, as I said, instead of being angry at them,
00:49:00We should feel sorry for them because they were victims too.
00:49:03from a society, from a culture that did not allow them to develop,
00:49:09from a family that, far from helping them become people,
00:49:12He practically turned them into animals.
00:49:15And so they lived their lives, and they also destroyed their family and their wife.
00:49:19And you, thank God, have received some education,
00:49:23Partly because the society you started living in began to transform your life
00:49:28Because you got closer to the church, well, now you are different.
00:49:33But your dad, well, he's still your dad.
00:49:36Do not reject your parents.
00:49:43Jesus, as I said a moment ago, does indeed rebuke harshly.
00:49:48when we change God's commandment
00:49:51by the commandment of men.
00:49:54And this business of not giving our parents the financial part
00:49:58It refers to everything: attention, affection, care.
00:50:04Don't forget that they are your parents and yes, they are stubborn.
00:50:08and everything else you want and like about this.
00:50:12But they're your parents and they need you, they need you.
00:50:19We forget that they carried us.
00:50:22And they endured everything to give us what we have.
00:50:26We must not be ungrateful.
00:50:29They stayed up all night, they took you to the hospital,
00:50:31They were looking out for you.
00:50:35I acknowledge that there are exceptions.
00:50:37I recognize that there are dads who
00:50:39They really made our lives better.
00:50:42very heavy, very difficult
00:50:44and that may exist within us
00:50:47great and deep resentments.
00:50:49We need to work on them.
00:50:51We cannot live our lives
00:50:55with resentment towards the father or towards the mother
00:50:58because that will be constantly undermining
00:51:00my own happiness.
00:51:03If you discover that there are resentments,
00:51:06hatred within your heart
00:51:08because of situations you experienced with your father or your mother
00:51:11because they were emasculating, because they were ungrateful,
00:51:14because they beat you, because they abused you,
00:51:16and work on them spiritually
00:51:19and if necessary, psychologically.
00:51:23Peace should always remain in your heart.
00:51:27especially to the one who gave you life.
00:51:31In the analysis that is done,
00:51:33especially on this topic,
00:51:34when we are in these health processes,
00:51:38One truly comes to have compassion for them
00:51:40because we realize that they come from situations
00:51:44that they themselves lived just like us,
00:51:47but perhaps they couldn't find a priest
00:51:49or a Christian community
00:51:51that would help them heal
00:51:53what their parents did to them.
00:51:56And then they continued with all that resentment
00:51:58which later led them to alcoholism,
00:52:01to drug addiction,
00:52:02to child abuse,
00:52:04to abuse, etc.
00:52:05They are chains that keep repeating themselves
00:52:08and until one
00:52:09He does not break them through the grace of God
00:52:12and other timely assistance,
00:52:14We continue to destroy lives.
00:52:19When we discover that in our life
00:52:21I have a bad relationship with my dad,
00:52:26I need to heal her
00:52:27And I need to return to the commandment.
00:52:30Because I've said it a million times.
00:52:32In these reflections,
00:52:34If you don't do what God says,
00:52:36then your life enters into disharmony
00:52:40with God's overall plan
00:52:42And this will at least
00:52:45that you may never achieve perfect happiness
00:52:48that God wants for you.
00:52:51I have a resentment towards my father,
00:52:54I can't love him,
00:52:55I don't even want to see it.
00:52:56I'm not going to watch it.
00:52:58Heal it,
00:53:00treat it.
00:53:01I have the case of one of my seminarians
00:53:03because she has a difficult father,
00:53:05TRUE?
00:53:07And we've worked hard,
00:53:09He and I,
00:53:09with this topic.
00:53:11And today she's in a relationship,
00:53:13at least in his heart,
00:53:15peaceful,
00:53:16of all the children
00:53:17He's the only one who's going to see it.
00:53:19Because he's a difficult person,
00:53:21TRUE?
00:53:21It is a person
00:53:22difficult.
00:53:25And yet,
00:53:30he then,
00:53:31has been learning
00:53:32how to drive,
00:53:33it starts to get like this
00:53:33The dad's kind of rough around the edges.
00:53:34and tell him,
00:53:35insult him.
00:53:36Says,
00:53:36Okay, Dad,
00:53:37did you know?
00:53:37I have to go now.
00:53:39But she leaves with her heart at peace,
00:53:42He goes away praying for him, saying,
00:53:43Mister,
00:53:44heals his heart.
00:53:46I mean,
00:53:46Poor daddy,
00:53:48in what anguish does he live?
00:53:49all this that you just told me,
00:53:51because it comes from a wounded heart,
00:53:53hurt,
00:53:54that only,
00:53:55because it produces poison.
00:53:58But he leaves,
00:53:59again,
00:54:00to their activities,
00:54:01don't worry,
00:54:02serene,
00:54:02praying for her dad.
00:54:04He has healed,
00:54:06what they haven't done yet
00:54:07the rest of his siblings,
00:54:08TRUE?
00:54:09They still have it there.
00:54:11Of course she got divorced,
00:54:11He lives alone,
00:54:13TRUE?
00:54:14But none of the children
00:54:14He visits him.
00:54:16And right now it's good,
00:54:17The father is healthy right now.
00:54:18because he is still relatively young.
00:54:21But wait 10 more years,
00:54:22when I start getting sick,
00:54:24aches and pains,
00:54:25Who's going to watch it?
00:54:26Who is going to visit him?
00:54:27Who is going to help him?
00:54:28In his old age.
00:54:30And one would say,
00:54:31Well, that's it.
00:54:31what he cultivated,
00:54:34Now that's what he's reaping.
00:54:36That is pagan thinking.
00:54:39God's commandment
00:54:41He tells you,
00:54:42Honor your father
00:54:43and your mother.
00:54:44And when I am old,
00:54:46help him,
00:54:47Hold it.
00:54:47But he's a son of a bitch.
00:54:50It doesn't say here,
00:54:50except
00:54:51if it's a son
00:54:52of the soot.
00:54:55It doesn't say here
00:54:56That part, right?
00:54:57I tell them a lot
00:54:58This is for the kids,
00:54:59because always
00:55:00like we're looking
00:55:02as well as accommodating,
00:55:03No?
00:55:05And then he says,
00:55:06For example,
00:55:06the sixth commandment.
00:55:08Father,
00:55:09But I love her so much
00:55:10And we love each other.
00:55:12Let's see,
00:55:12Let's see
00:55:13what it says
00:55:13Deuteronomy,
00:55:14TRUE?
00:55:14And then we read
00:55:16the text says,
00:55:17Chapter 6,
00:55:18You shall not commit adultery,
00:55:20spot,
00:55:20and it passes the 7.
00:55:22Already?
00:55:24It doesn't have an asterisk there,
00:55:26See attached note
00:55:28or consult other texts
00:55:30or in parentheses,
00:55:31except
00:55:32if they love each other very much.
00:55:35Well no,
00:55:36There it is not
00:55:36no way
00:55:37of change,
00:55:38No?
00:55:40Spot.
00:55:41The fourth commandment
00:55:43says,
00:55:44Honor your father
00:55:45and your mother,
00:55:47spot,
00:55:48and it passes the 5.
00:55:50It doesn't say,
00:55:51Honor your father
00:55:51and your mother,
00:55:52But if they were this
00:55:53And this and the rest
00:55:54and they mistreated you
00:55:55And they told you
00:55:55And they made you,
00:55:56then it no longer applies.
00:55:58TRUE?
00:56:01Pass the 5,
00:56:02TRUE?
00:56:02Skip step 4,
00:56:03Not applicable.
00:56:04This does not apply to you
00:56:05the 4th.
00:56:08Isn't that right?
00:56:09The law of God
00:56:11It has no exceptions,
00:56:13Thou shalt not steal,
00:56:16unless,
00:56:17No,
00:56:17there is no nun,
00:56:18unless,
00:56:19or if,
00:56:21Under these circumstances,
00:56:23That doesn't exist.
00:56:24in the law of God.
00:56:26The fourth commandment
00:56:27It has no exception either,
00:56:30He mistreated me
00:56:31And he abused me
00:56:32And it is thanks to him
00:56:34I was in jail
00:56:35and well,
00:56:35I don't know what so many things
00:56:36Thanks to your parents
00:56:38or to your father,
00:56:39very good,
00:56:42fourth commandment,
00:56:43Honor your father
00:56:44and your mother,
00:56:46especially
00:56:47in ecclesiastical,
00:56:49When I'm old,
00:56:50Remember him,
00:56:51even if it's foolish
00:56:52and stubborn
00:56:53and here the word
00:56:55God says
00:56:55What do you have to do?
00:56:57and you have no exceptions,
00:56:59If you look closely,
00:57:00they can read
00:57:01the rest
00:57:02And they'll see
00:57:03which says nothing more,
00:57:04I mean,
00:57:05in this text
00:57:05that I was just telling you about
00:57:06from Ecclesiasticus 3:11:16
00:57:09where it says
00:57:10Honor your parents
00:57:11even if they are old
00:57:12And even though they're getting old
00:57:13and all this topic,
00:57:14because it doesn't say
00:57:15unless they gave it to you
00:57:17a terrible childhood,
00:57:19then no,
00:57:20No,
00:57:21That's not the case,
00:57:23so
00:57:24is
00:57:25very important
00:57:26that we
00:57:28let's have
00:57:28very clear
00:57:30that the fourth commandment
00:57:32We have to experience it.
00:57:34always,
00:57:35If you have problems
00:57:37because you lived
00:57:38a childhood
00:57:39unfortunate
00:57:41for having
00:57:42parents
00:57:42non-Christians
00:57:43because if they
00:57:45they would have had
00:57:45a Christian life
00:57:46like the one we have been
00:57:48talking,
00:57:48if the father had understood
00:57:49What is this about?
00:57:50And the mother would have understood
00:57:52What is this about?
00:57:53if they had both done
00:57:54a choice for Jesus Christ
00:57:55and they would have had it
00:57:56as lord and center
00:57:57of his life,
00:57:58brother,
00:57:59You would have a life
00:57:59wonderful
00:58:00and you would have
00:58:01all the problems
00:58:02that you have today
00:58:03but you didn't have it
00:58:04and it's not your fault
00:58:06So what are you going to do?
00:58:11I will heal
00:58:12I'm going to look
00:58:14the necessary help
00:58:15whether through
00:58:16of the church
00:58:17through my group
00:58:17Christian reflection
00:58:19in some cases
00:58:20because through
00:58:20of some therapy
00:58:22help me
00:58:22to understand
00:58:23a little better
00:58:24this situation
00:58:24accept it
00:58:25and from there
00:58:26start maintaining
00:58:28a life
00:58:28and a relationship
00:58:29different
00:58:29but the fourth
00:58:30commandment
00:58:31Do it
00:58:32And then you will have
00:58:34as it says
00:58:35in Ephesians
00:58:36It is the first
00:58:37commandment
00:58:37that has a blessing
00:58:38You will be happy
00:58:40As you can see, brothers
00:58:44this topic
00:58:46It has two aspects
00:58:47very important
00:58:48in the relationship
00:58:49with the parents
00:58:49on the one hand
00:58:51Beware of adultery
00:58:54paternal
00:58:55or maternal
00:58:55a father
00:58:57that adulterates
00:58:58married life
00:58:59will cause the same
00:59:02effect
00:59:02that when a woman
00:59:04or a man
00:59:04are introduced
00:59:05in married life
00:59:07They will end up destroying them
00:59:08careful
00:59:09the man will leave
00:59:11his father
00:59:12her mother
00:59:12will be
00:59:13a new society
00:59:15one flesh
00:59:16Be careful with that.
00:59:18but also be careful
00:59:19with despise
00:59:20to the father
00:59:20and to the mother
00:59:21because they are old
00:59:22and not attend to them
00:59:23and not go to see them
00:59:24and not take them
00:59:24and not seek them
00:59:26and not speak to them
00:59:26and not paying attention
00:59:28towards them
00:59:29careful
00:59:30both things
00:59:31interfere directly
00:59:33in your happiness
00:59:35if you allow
00:59:36that your parents
00:59:37are introduced
00:59:38in your life
00:59:38it will end
00:59:39your marital happiness
00:59:40but also
00:59:42if you don't pay attention
00:59:43to your parents
00:59:44above all
00:59:44in old age
00:59:45also
00:59:46you will destroy
00:59:47your marital happiness
00:59:49praised be
00:59:50Jesus Christ
00:59:50if this reflection
01:00:06has been useful
01:00:07for your spiritual life
01:00:08We invite you to visit
01:00:10our page
01:00:11on the internet
01:00:12www.evangelizacion.org.mx
01:00:17where you will find
01:00:19other topics
01:00:20which surely
01:00:21will continue producing
01:00:22fruit in you
01:00:23peace
01:00:26of Jesus Christ
01:00:26remain in you
01:00:28and all his family
01:00:30and that tenderness
01:00:31of Mary
01:00:32embrace your heart
01:00:34and that peace
01:00:35of Jesus Christ
01:00:36and that peace
01:00:38of Jesus Christ
01:00:39Thanks for watching the video.