- 7 weeks ago
Meredith Gaudreau, the widow of NHL star Johnny Gaudreau, opens up about how they fell in love, the life they built together before his tragic death and how she’s keeping his memory alive for their three children.
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00:00Sometimes I find myself kind of just zoning out and I think about what I'm thinking about and it's that
00:06night.
00:07The Columbus Blue Jackets star forward Johnny Gaudreau and his brother Matthew, who is a minor league hockey player, were
00:13both killed last night.
00:14They were struck by a car while they were cycling in Oldmans Township, New Jersey.
00:19The driver was arrested, charged with two counts of driving under the influence and death by auto.
00:34I grew up coming to Avalon. This is where I met John. This is where we got engaged.
00:39So we spent our summers here as a family and it was our most recent memories with him.
00:45So I like still coming here every summer.
00:49There was just something about him I thought was different from everyone else.
00:52He was really quiet and just had that type of personality that you really wanted to be around him.
00:58In a subtle way and in a very humble way, he stood out in the crowd.
01:03Whether you knew him or not, you could tell he was different in a good way.
01:06I was commuting from here to the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia.
01:11I was working and we tried to just, you know, line up our time down here together.
01:16I was working night shifts so we would hang out during the day and, you know, just nothing fancy.
01:21You just kind of go out for lunch, go to the beach.
01:23And then, you know, we just slowly kept seeing each other more and more and, you know, it fell into
01:30place.
01:32When I got to know his family and he had me around his family a lot right from the beginning
01:37and around all of his friends,
01:39I could tell it was something different.
01:41You know, everyone was kind of looking at me like he had never really done something like that before,
01:46never really introduced his family and friends to a girl before.
01:49So seeing how much his family meant to him was something that really drew me to him.
01:53It was very apparent to me from the beginning how close he was with his brother.
01:57He was very close with Madeline, too.
01:59So I could tell that the three of them had a special relationship.
02:02Madeline and Matthew dated for a very long time.
02:06They met in high school.
02:07So I could tell, you know, she really was a big part of their family already.
02:11It was just, you know, a dynamic that you wanted to be a part of.
02:14Goudreau shoots, scores! A beauty by Johnny Goudreau!
02:18What a play by Goudreau, his second goal of the game and his 300th career points.
02:23Johnny Goudreau, first career hat trick, and he's tied the game at three.
02:27It was crazy because I met John in the summer.
02:29We got together in the summer when it was obviously the offseason.
02:33Didn't really know what I was getting myself into when he had to go back to Calgary that Labor Day
02:40weekend.
02:40I flew out to Calgary for the first time, and I was blown away.
02:44You know, another country.
02:45I just remember thinking, like, I just had to get my passport to come see him.
02:51And he was definitely an important person in that city.
02:55So it caught me by surprise because he is so humble.
02:58He definitely didn't prepare me for that.
03:03The schedule was chaotic.
03:05He was in one city for about 24 hours.
03:07And then he was on an airplane in the middle of the night flying to the next spot.
03:10So it was fast-paced.
03:12It was a lot of fun.
03:13You know, I remember being in a different time zone, but I was working night shift,
03:16and I would, you know, check the stats of his game and check the scores and stuff.
03:21And, you know, he was definitely always on the move.
03:23And I would try to line up, you know, three, four days of my schedule with two, three days
03:28when he had a couple home games, and I could see him for a couple days in a row.
03:32A lot of my friends had been dating their boyfriends at the time for, you know, six, seven, eight,
03:40nine years, and we had only been together for one year.
03:43I just remember he said, like, are you going to want to be together that long before we
03:48were to get engaged like all your friends are?
03:50And I was like, what?
03:52But I just remember I said to him, like, you know, I don't care if it's tomorrow.
03:55I don't care if it's in five years.
03:57Like, I know we'll be together forever, and that was the only time we ever talked about that.
04:02I was really surprised when he proposed because we were only together for not even two years.
04:12We got married.
04:13I had moved to Calgary.
04:14We were living downtown, and my older sister had her first baby.
04:20And I just remember he said to me, you know, I wouldn't mind having a little baby run around with
04:26us, too.
04:26And I was like, oh, my gosh, okay, we got married.
04:29That was two months ago.
04:30So, you know, we were really excited to be husband and wife, and we wanted to start a family.
04:35And, you know, I was so glad that we did right away.
04:40So, you know, we have our three kids now.
04:43So I'm really lucky that he did initiate that and brought up that conversation.
04:50When it really wasn't on my radar, I was just, I knew he would be a really good dad.
04:58I think he thought I was having a girl, and I think he was just trying to mentally prepare himself
05:02for that.
05:03He was right, but I remember when I saw her for the first time, I looked over at him, and,
05:11you know, he was teary-eyed and really excited.
05:15And it was just funny because I think everyone gave him a hard time that, you know, he had a
05:21daughter, and he was in love with her.
05:24He was, you know, really gentle, really nurturing, kind of more worried type of parent, always checking in on the
05:34kids.
05:34Even if they were sound asleep, he would sneak in their rooms and just peek over their crib.
05:39He was a natural by the time Johnny came along.
05:42He was the first grandson on both sides of our family, so he was blown away.
05:48And it was such a really special moment because he had just seen Noah for the first time in two
05:53weeks, and she ran to him.
05:54And then he got to go down and tell our family it was a boy.
05:57He just kept saying, I can't believe you gave me a boy, is what he kept saying to me.
06:03That's something I remember in that moment.
06:07It was his birthday that I found out I was pregnant again, so our son Johnny was only five months
06:13old.
06:13We just kind of laughed when it happened.
06:15It was more like, of course, you know, this is what we're doing.
06:18So back to back to back, he just kept saying, this is about to be crazy.
06:24He was right.
06:25I was pregnant every single season that we arrived to Columbus.
06:30So I guess I was pregnant when we moved to Columbus.
06:34I was pregnant the next season when we got back there, and then I was pregnant again.
06:38Obviously, the season after it, I just, you know, didn't have John there with me.
07:00It's just always replaying in my head.
07:02Sometimes I find myself kind of just zoning out, and I think about what I'm thinking about,
07:08and it's that night, and, you know, it haunts me.
07:13It's playing in my head all the time.
07:16I'm thinking about John 24-7.
07:19It's just, you know, I think about him in that moment a lot,
07:26and, you know, and think about the better moments, too.
07:30Whenever I see our kids, they're a nicer reminder to, I remember, the nicer times.
07:36I really relied on my siblings.
07:38They all fully stepped in and helped me with my kids.
07:42I wanted to make sure I was taking care of myself for my pregnancy.
07:47You know, it was the most important thing to me was just making sure my kids were okay
07:51and, you know, my baby was doing fine, and I just, I didn't do a whole lot.
07:59I just stayed at my parents' house.
08:02My in-laws, despite everything they were going through,
08:05they always made it clear to me whatever I needed.
08:08They would help with whatever they could.
08:10You know, it feels good to be around John's parents, John's siblings.
08:14It's, uh, it's our family.
08:20Madeline, you know, obviously she was pregnant, too,
08:23so I'm really grateful for her, and unfortunately,
08:26we do have this bond now that can't be broken.
08:30We can't compare it to anyone else,
08:32and right when I heard of the accident,
08:35I knew she would do whatever I needed, and I will do the same for her.
08:39We have to be strong for each other, and she was very excited for me.
08:43You know, when I called and told her I was pregnant,
08:45she was very excited and said congratulations.
08:48You know, obviously she didn't find out right until after the accident,
08:51so that's something I remember,
08:54because when a lot of people heard I was pregnant,
08:56it was upsetting to a lot of people,
08:58and she was thrilled, and it was almost like that excitement in her voice
09:02was, uh, you know, she doesn't realize how much that did for me.
09:08We're actually a family of five.
09:11I'm in my ninth week of pregnancy with our third baby.
09:15A total surprise, but again, John was beaming and so excited.
09:20To my babies, Daddy loves you all so much,
09:24and you have the best Daddy in the world.
09:27I just wanted everyone to know all John's accomplishments,
09:30and first and foremost, that he was an amazing father,
09:34and, you know, I was so sorry that he wasn't here.
09:38So I wanted to shed light on that,
09:41because so much was taken from him.
09:44You know, end of the day,
09:45that was the most important thing in his life.
09:48And, um, you know, I'm just so sorry
09:52that he's not able to see his kids.
09:58John had only been to one of their first birthdays.
10:02I just look back and think I have three kids,
10:04but he's been to one first birthday.
10:06It doesn't even make sense.
10:08We talk about him every day,
10:10and, um, there's things around town here
10:15where I'll tell Noah and Johnny,
10:18you know, this was, and Carter, of course,
10:20he's just so young.
10:21Um, this was Daddy's favorite ice cream place.
10:24He used to always get M&Ms on his ice cream,
10:27and then, oh, like, Daddy brought me here before,
10:30or I have a picture of Daddy sitting on this bench,
10:32and I frame, um, those pictures,
10:37especially ones around the house that are...
10:40I frame those, and I put those where we took the photo
10:43so they can kind of match that moment.
10:46Just like, uh, singing happy birthday to him
10:49at our kitchen table.
10:50I have that right behind where we were sitting,
10:53so they're not, like, you know, our best photos,
10:56but I can see the kids pick them up
10:58and can kind of start putting two-to-two together
11:00that, okay, that's this couch.
11:02And, um, his clothes are all still in the closet,
11:05and, you know, his shoes are right on the shoe rack,
11:10and, um, those little things I try to do,
11:13and they wear his shoes, they play with his hats,
11:16and, you know, I'll still wear some of his sweatshirts,
11:21and they know those are his.
11:23I've kept everything, um, everything.
11:26I have, obviously, all of our text messages.
11:29Um, I have, like, our wedding prep homework
11:33that we had to do in our church.
11:35You know, that was stuff that John and I wanted
11:36for our future, that we had to really sit down
11:39and discuss together,
11:41and, um, it's nice knowing I have that.
11:44You know, with Carter, especially,
11:46I have to make a point to show him
11:49how special his father was
11:51and how excited John was to have Carter.
11:55So I have a long thread of messages from him
11:57talking about how excited he was
11:59to have a third baby, how nervous he was.
12:02He said he couldn't stop thinking about it
12:04when he was skating one day.
12:05He just said, like, I cannot focus right now.
12:08I can't believe we're having a third.
12:10And he ended it with,
12:12I'm very, very excited.
12:14So, um, that's something I've taken screenshots of
12:18and I can print off,
12:19and I want to frame that for Carter when he's older.
12:21Because John added it with a little selfie of himself.
12:26So I think I'm going to save that for him special.
12:32Noah can be kind of goofy like him.
12:34She'll make funny faces,
12:35and I'm like, I literally have a picture
12:37of John making that funny face.
12:39She looks the most like him,
12:40and she walks around one time,
12:41she was like, I look like my daddy to somebody,
12:44and, you know, she was really proud of that.
12:46You know, she's getting a little bit older now.
12:48She's almost four, right?
12:49I can compare her to his childhood pictures,
12:52and their resemblance is really cool to see.
12:55Every night before bed,
12:56she'll want to, you know, look at pictures of daddy,
12:58and she loves watching videos of him,
13:00and, you know, obviously hearing his voice.
13:02And one time I watched her play with Carter
13:04with certain baby toys that I have a funny video
13:07of John and Noah playing with them together.
13:09John was tossing them to Noah
13:10and bouncing them off of her head,
13:12and then I saw that she went to go do that to Carter
13:15with the exact same toy,
13:16so she was putting two and two together there.
13:19Johnny has his curls, just really curly hair.
13:23So I love, you know, doing his hair,
13:24because I remember I used to do John's hair for him.
13:28Just seeing his ringlets, like,
13:29stick out of the back of his hair,
13:31it reminds me of the back of John's head.
13:34His personality is quiet, like John was.
13:39When I look at Carter, I just don't see anything but John.
13:43He is such a light.
13:44He's so happy and smiley,
13:47especially when he smiles.
13:49I think of John, you know,
13:51his eyes kind of have that sparkle that remind me of him,
13:55and he's just the happiest baby,
13:57and, you know, when he smiles and laughs,
13:59I just have, like, flashbacks to John.
14:02He's that typical third child
14:04that knows how to keep up with his older siblings.
14:07So when I see him doing his thing,
14:10I just think about if John was here
14:11and we were trying to manage these three babies together,
14:15you know, it's, I just always think, like,
14:17he would be really loving this.
14:24It's hard to believe that it's been almost two years.
14:27It still feels like yesterday.
14:29It hasn't really shifted a lot for me.
14:31You know, I've learned to be more present,
14:34don't take anything for granted,
14:36and just sort of slow down and enjoy my time with my kids
14:40while they are so young.
14:42It's a lot of work right now.
14:43It's really hard.
14:44But I do really enjoy when it is just me and the three kids.
14:48Those are my favorite moments
14:49when I'm just slowing down
14:50and reflecting on what John want for us,
14:53and he's still such a huge part of every decision I make.
14:57I try to imagine what we would be doing if he was here,
15:00and a lot of the time, it's all the same thing.
15:03You know, I would still be sitting right here in this house.
15:05I'd still be waking up and swimming in the pool
15:09and going out for ice cream.
15:10Not much has changed.
15:12You know, we're just really missing him.
15:13But as far as my day-to-day,
15:15I try to just keep it the same thing I would be doing,
15:19whether he was here or not.
15:27John and Maddie had such a huge outreach on people's lives.
15:31And for Madeline and I,
15:32our main goal is always to make sure our kids know
15:35who their fathers were,
15:36have a nice understanding of what they were as people,
15:39and still have them as role models.
15:41We were actually just in the funeral home
15:43when it was brought to us to start a foundation.
15:47The John and Maddie Goudreau Foundation
15:49gives back to youth hockey
15:50and helps other families affected by drunk driving.
15:53John and Maddie, you know,
15:54something that they shared together
15:56was, you know, their involvement in the youth hockey community.
16:00Maddie at the time was coaching,
16:02and John would still, you know, help Maddie run clinics,
16:06or Maddie helped John.
16:07When John was training,
16:08he would have him skate with his team and vice versa.
16:11So youth hockey was something
16:13that was really important to them.
16:14And they also, you know,
16:15it was never lost on either of them
16:17how expensive it is to play ice hockey,
16:21especially as a kid.
16:22And there's so much travel involved,
16:23and your whole family pretty much has to make sacrifices
16:26from time to time to make it.
16:28We just help those families, you know,
16:30make it more accessible.
16:32So we hope to one day have this be a long-term foundation
16:36where we could pass it off to our children to maintain.
16:39We've already given out grants,
16:42and so many people have been very helpful and very generous.
16:46It's always in John and Maddie's honor,
16:48and seeing their impact is something
16:50that we want our kids to grow up and see as well.
17:01My hockey community has been, you know,
17:04they're like my family.
17:04I can rely on them for anything.
17:08They understand, I guess, how much we lost as a family.
17:13You know, it was such a special world
17:15that we were a part of with John,
17:16and his kids were deprived of a very special life with him.
17:20So a lot of his closest friends and his teammates, you know,
17:23really do a great job of including our kids
17:26in things when we can
17:27and sharing their lives and experiences with them.
17:30And, you know, I know they're just doing that
17:32out of respect for John and love for him.
17:38I have John's autograph tattooed right here.
17:41He actually wrote it out just for me one day
17:44when I needed it for a playoff jacket.
17:47So when I wanted to get this tattoo,
17:49this is the one that I used
17:51because he wrote this specifically for me.
17:53So I like this.
17:54I have our kids' names here.
17:59I was able to do a cremation tattoo
18:02where they use some of John's ashes with the ink.
18:04And then I have our anniversary date up here.
18:07I never had tattoos before,
18:09so sometimes I catch myself off guard.
18:12But I also have a tattoo for Maddie on this side.
18:14He's very important to me also.
18:17And it's another part of this whole journey.
18:20You know, I sometimes,
18:20I obviously find myself really engulfed with my grief for John.
18:25But, you know, there's,
18:27I miss him a lot too.
18:29And he was a really special uncle for my kids.
18:32He was, he's Noah's godfather.
18:34And they spent a lot of little moments together.
18:39So, you know, I always want to make sure
18:42that everything I do honors the both of them.