Beyond the Headlines with Irish Granny Helen

Nathe - The Third Wish

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Transcript

00:02hi everybody this is nate and welcome helen for our weekly show beyond the headlines how are you

00:09fine thank you how you doing i am very well i am very well um thank you for having me

00:18my pleasure we are i always forget to say that i just assume you know i'm grateful

00:25and you might get mentally ready because i might propose to you uh with our second topic okay well

00:33i don't believe in polygamy actually i don't care about polygamy do you do you care about polygamy oh

00:40i don't think it's i i i don't know i actually from the point of view that people should be

00:50doing what

00:51they want to do as long as every there's a consent yeah as long as you're an adult and so

00:57this is not

00:57for me but you know i'm not here to rule people's lives as long as everyone does what they want

01:05so

01:06hold your thoughts because there's a proposal coming so um i have three time i have three topics

01:15and uh thank you everyone for watching our show last week's show was very popular so

01:22we're very glad that there's um such interest in not the news but societal topics um medical technology

01:32things that are changing around us and our first topic deals with family what an interesting topic

01:40what's going on in family dynamics and it is and it is about um a phenomenon that siblings tend to

01:54drift

01:55apart more than they used to be so a few stats you know i always do my research um a

02:02study from the

02:03a german family panel followed 5 000 people over six years and they found that 28 of the respondents

02:14experienced at least one period of estrangement from a sibling at almost 30 percent one out of three

02:25an estrangement um 17 had observations that involve estrangement

02:3314 percent experienced multiple episodes of estrangement over those six years um so quite a few

02:45um how was that defined estrangement lack of contact no emotional closeness not being in everyone's

02:54life like just kind of losing contact so to speak um so they studied and it's all over the world

03:03what happened like what what what happened so they said for example they had a family disruption

03:12uh a separation a divorce the death of a parent then kind of led to

03:20a separation of the siblings you know because it was more it was more vulnerable their relationship was more

03:27vulnerable um they found that what happened in the childhood really impacted you know those relationships

03:36um growing up together then they were more connected growing up separately then they were more apart um

03:48step siblings were very vulnerable and that's kind of understanding you know half siblings step

03:54sibling higher rates of estrangement um gender was a factor so what do i mean by that sister sister

04:06uh there was more issues than brother sister huh uh and brother brother were more close interesting

04:17oh you just went silent oh brother brother where now you're frozen now you're silent you can't hear me

04:30and we're back we had ourselves an estrangement so i'm sure you're having a good it was weird it was

04:39weird because we've been talking backstage for like an hour let's just be real and none of that happened now

04:45that we were recording it's happening i'm sure you well let me ask you something you you it it went

04:51the

04:51sound went out when you talked about sister and sister just you know disagreement compared to sister and

04:58brother and i was applying that you know i was thinking about that and what i find so interesting you

05:05don't have siblings no want to borrow some oh no but i mean i i wish i have

05:13i wish i have but i don't that was not my choice but there i think everyone feels this way

05:23part of

05:25sometimes you would like to have more of a family and sometimes you're like oh my god this would make

05:30things so complicated i think you can really think about the pros and cons

05:37you only know your own personal situation well you know and you look at the world through that lens

05:47i don't talk a lot about my specific family i mean i mentioned that i've got a surplus of siblings

05:55if

05:55anybody's in the market let me know um yeah uh it's complicated so go ahead because you got

06:03interrupted by the oh yeah so uh another statistic or factor is that they found out that which i think

06:12is the good news is that usually the entrenchment is never forever not often it's more of situation of

06:20closer apart closer apart like episodic temporary episodic based on what i described earlier like

06:28issues disruptions disruptions in the family uh disruptions in people's life led people to be more

06:36um apart and so and also they have seen and i have seen in my readings in my personal readings

06:48because i have an opportunity to talk to people and and also yourself talk to people that

06:55it has become a bit more common yes i don't have siblings but i have a family with cousins and

07:00things

07:01and there's situation let's just put it this way uh situations of estrangement yeah yeah

07:11so kind of wanting to read cards on it as simple as unless you want to comment

07:15oh i always want to comment are you kidding me why else did you invite me here

07:20it seems to me you can look at it two ways you can look at it from the physical material

07:25aspect you can look at it from the spiritual and i don't think that it's anything new

07:32i think maybe we're acknowledging it more we're discussing it openly family situations were these toxic

07:39secrets for a very long time and i think that is global i don't think it's unique to

07:45anyone culture and you know right now i'm i'm reading a book about laura ingalls wilder who was a

07:54children's author very beloved children's author in the united states and the image that you have

08:02from the books that she wrote was this happy close-knit family and that's not the reality

08:11at all they were separated when she was young they were separated by distance they were separated by

08:19circumstance they were separated by by relationships and money uh so from her her parents had issues of

08:31not being able to be together because her father would have to leave to go earn money and they were

08:37living on

08:38the prairie or they were living on an isolated farm and he'd be gone for a really long time and

08:45the

08:45mother would have to deal with you know wild animals and blizzards and all sorts of things like that so

08:51there's the physical reality of being separated yes there's distance most people in the united states

08:58and actually this is true of most places throughout history people never went more than about 15 miles from the

09:06place they were born that's a fact so this traipsing around the globe you know a lot about that

09:13traipsing around the globe is is is a new thing a new phenomenon and if people separated

09:23from their family because they went to a different country or whatever different opportunity there was

09:30very little communication because they didn't have telephones they didn't have there wasn't even mail

09:35service you know so so this is not new but i look at it more from a spiritual point of

09:43view you're put

09:44together with people when you're born you're put together with souls that spirits that you

09:51need to work things out with you know you challenge each other for learning opportunities or you're

09:58completing something undone from former lives and uh maybe you get done maybe you're finished with

10:07that particular thing maybe you're not working on it you go your separate ways you don't want to work

10:12on it or you choose to work on anything else so let's ask the curves uh it's a very simple

10:19question i

10:20wanted to ask is what do you want to tell us about siblings and estrangement

10:29siblings apart what can you tell me about siblings being apart siblings being apart

11:08you want to go or you want me to go yeah yeah yeah me yeah okay so i think the

11:15page of wands do you like

11:17these cute cards um i think that uh we're all on on a separate path you might be biologically related

11:25you might have grown up in the same household but everybody has a separate path and you have to

11:31pick up that path and pursue it the bonds can be strong or you can deal with all this

11:39things to me in this the moon in this context it's about uh toxicity unspoken things things that are

11:50hidden from the public maybe the dynamics you know there's a lot going on right maybe family secrets

11:58exactly there's a lot going on in families that threaten the strength of the bonds and sometimes the

12:04smartest thing to do is to back off sometimes you know you can people you can meet people halfway

12:12and if they don't meet you halfway then you have to focus on other aspects of your purpose here

12:20so they offer sibling relationships offer an opportunity but you don't always feel you may very

12:28well feel like you've accomplished that relationship you know it it's fulfilled but not always we have

12:36this expectation that just because you're born into the same family you know

12:44yeah uh my first took already talk about these challenges two of pentacles this is the two brothers

12:51the two sisters the two siblings and we're going back at it with the two of swords the challenges

12:57uh of the two you know the dynamic those one and one one to one dynamic and yes yeah and

13:07the next is

13:07the six of pentacles the exchange so every relationship to function has to be based on an exchange so once

13:16the exchange is no longer making sense then these unbalanced what you see here it's particularly unbalanced so

13:25if it's unbalanced it would create that estrangement the final card is the magician i think it's telling

13:32us to maybe think about you know reinventing those relationships what could we do to

13:42you know to think about transformation the magician is new beginnings so is there a possibility to

13:49restart fresh when when we've been estranged and we reconnect then of course it puts us on the new

13:57beginning otherwise we're going back to the same cycle so maybe as i keep going here the messages

14:05since the study showed that it's usually come back closer and back and forth you know then when we

14:13reconnect well we don't want to repeat some of the same patterns of the past so we have to make

14:19an effort to look at why discuss openly of what didn't work otherwise i think we're back to that

14:27cycle yeah and i think it takes two it takes two to tangle that's why i got the fourth source

14:33if you don't have a situation where all parties concerned are in agreement that work needs to be done

14:43we'll meet you halfway that kind of thing then sometimes the the best discretion you know is to

14:50to back off and work on yourself

14:55so we are transitioning to the second topic which has a lot of connections with what we discussed this

15:02is about a proposal that i've heard uh in france with the very progressive party uh this is a

15:12one of their proposal that they are putting in the public that they want to bring this

15:21idea um and this idea is that they believe that friendships should have legal rights

15:32so why does the law recognize family relationships but not friendships so this is uh one of the

15:44progressive member um her name is clemence getty she has proposed that friendship gets illegal recognition

15:54she published a book that is just about that and it was published and it proposed a whole framework

16:02in which friendships could acquire rights and obligations

16:08in similar ways as a relationship

16:14um there's a proposal of a lot this is very serious so what is exactly being proposed

16:23well it goes much further than saying friends are important this is we're talking really of a framework

16:30so we would write there would be a proposal here we go i would like to propose to you to

16:38be my friend

16:40we already are well but with our legal framework so what does so there would be a civil friendship contract

16:51uh-huh between the two people there will be mutual obligations of material solidarity

17:01um we would be having rights for example connected in terms of caring if one of us is sick

17:10um we would have rights um we would have rights so for example unfortunately if i pass or you pass

17:19then the companies would recognize that because of our friendship contracts you could take a day off

17:27to attend my funeral or vice versa um it would be uh extension of

17:36uh maternity related leave for the friend who provides support uh professional mobility

17:44considerations when following your friend recognition of co-parenting arrangements between friends

17:53legal recognition for shared living arrangements let's say with roommates

17:59well then when you apply for rent we could show that we have a civil friendship contract um

18:07and inclusive a friendship-based solidarity in laws that are in family uh law

18:13because that makes your friend uh a higher role a higher recognition in terms of the law

18:24for housing for parental rights for caregiving so for leave for inheritance for for medical

18:32administrative relationship i'm sick you would have the right to go to on my behalf

18:39almost like a power of attorney because unplug unplug the machines that would be perfect because let's say if

18:47we don't have significant other well i understand that your friend your your true friend have some rights um

18:59and so that is really something that they want to bring up as a discussion because

19:09it some people don't have a life partner

19:14and they have a really good friend and they want that friend to be part of their life advocating for

19:23them

19:27so my take is that i i kind of get that this is

19:32a bit out there but i there are parts that i can understand yeah

19:41what are your thoughts on the whole thing well you can't legislate friendship and it sounds redundant

19:49to me it seems excessive and i'll explain why uh i have a friend who is single never been married

19:57who has no children estranged from her family who are all mentally unwell and we were talking about

20:03this we've talked about this several times that she is concerned that if something happens to her

20:08where she's medically unable to make decisions what would she do and i told her you know i i i

20:17don't

20:17feel it's my place to offer up you know that kind of thing but i told her you know

20:23there are already considerations in place you can get uh go to a lawyer and fill out paperwork and have

20:31a guardian ad litem which is uh like an adult um representative for you in legal situations

20:41and you can fill out documents that spell out exactly what you want how you want your medical disposition to

20:48go how you want your funeral to go who's in charge of your stuff that already already does exist

20:57you're talking about two different things you're talking about logistics for somebody who's single

21:03unattached by marriage or whatever and then you're talking about friendship those are two different

21:09things you cannot legislate friendship and you don't need to legislate

21:16guardianship property ownership inheritance all of that has there are conditions in place there's a

21:24process in place for each of those things to me this sounds excessive government

21:34trying to think of the word i don't i'm trying not to use certain words garbage

21:41well but

21:46you might have situations where even if you are in a romantic relationship as a couple you might have

21:54a friend and wants to give this friend certain rights

22:00you can do that already i don't know what the rules are in france but in the united states and

22:07it's

22:08different state by state i don't know if there's a larger federal umbrella but in general you can go to

22:16a lawyer and you can draw up papers and spell out what you want and have an official person named

22:24in

22:24your in your living will and that kind of thing i did that but i felt like this talks about

22:31two things

22:31one is the logic you know the logistical and the recognition of your rights and having an advocate

22:39and then there's a sort of

22:45what should i say recognition symbolic recognition of a of a friendship

22:54need paperwork and laws for now i mean why what's the point i don't i don't see the point either

23:00you're a friend or you're not i are right i know so i will not propose our friendship to get

23:08back to

23:09our original discussion you know uh uh polygamy i have a question for you where are all the the the

23:19uh

23:19brother husbands you have sister wives you have sister wives you know that's polygamy right

23:26where are all the brother husbands women demand equal time

23:32but i don't equate that with friendship though no i'm i'm just joking yeah i know you are but it

23:40is

23:41there are a number of i think some of the reason that this is coming to light because you know

23:48there's always a reason for people to bring up ideas and and it certainly feels like it's coming

23:55from a good intention that does it isn't does it really feel that way to you yes it does feel

24:02that way

24:03it it is a sense that more and more people i mean like there's a number of countries and i

24:13think

24:13it's true in the u.s where people have a lot of issues but loneliness is is is it is

24:23a problem like

24:24people feeling isolated people feeling lonely and they rely on key friendships yeah well there are

24:33people who are married who are lonely too i don't think certainly certainly but if you are not in a

24:40relationship and you're away from family or you don't have your family anymore then you're relying

24:46on your friendship and it kind of goes back to what we discussed in the first topic i certainly

24:53consider that you know there's this saying that you don't get to choose your family but you have the

24:59right to choose your friends yeah i wouldn't i don't disagree oh i agree with that i agree i agree

25:07with

25:08that and you know people have two situations when they get married i want to be want to be clear

25:15about

25:15this uh you have the ceremony and the ceremony is the hearts and flowers and love and romance and all

25:25that family hoo-ha the cake and the you know all that stuff right but you're not legally married till

25:32you

25:32fill out paperwork with the government that doesn't matter what the priest says in latin you're not

25:41married until you do that paperwork and in order to have legal standing as a married couple with all

25:47you know you have to do the paperwork and what i said about not bothering to get married

25:57unless you have children or you're worried about property ownership that's separate from celebrating your

26:05relationship with friends right and i just never felt the need to be

26:14married you know somebody's wife and there are people who are really into that who are really really

26:22they need that identity and they they value it and to me it's just legal work to give you a

26:31certain

26:31standing in the eyes of the law when it comes to property inheritance child disposition you know um

26:40the other stuff the flowers the cake the bridesmaid all that stuff is separate uh that's kind of

26:49social religious and then you have the legal part and i i would never have bothered with the legal part

26:56at

26:56all except we wanted to have kids but i feel like the point of the legal stuff is that if

27:06you if you do it

27:08if you register this gives you rights and guarantees and things like that that then puts you already in a

27:18framework and you don't if you're in that framework you don't have to go to attorneys because you

27:24already have rights because of that framework yeah that that's true so their value to have the framework

27:31and that's why i not that i i want to be clear like i'm not pushing this law i thought

27:40that was

27:41interesting from the perspective of recognizing that it's not at the point i'm trying to make it's not just

27:55um a partner in your life that might be important for you you might have people in your life that

28:02are

28:03important other than your partner yeah i guess well yeah and they matter okay yeah let's read on it so

28:15it's

28:16i don't think we're disagreeing really i think we just have kind of a um

28:22maybe a different a different attitude about formalizing things yes yeah yeah i really believe in

28:33i really believe in formalizing and i'm saying that there's a system already in place

28:42well not really so what what the question i have is that is there room to formalize

28:58you know roles for friends is there is there

29:04a need is there a space to formalize our friendships which is the real question

29:16yeah i feel like and you don't believe in that well i believe in that i just think it's pointless

29:21i mean

29:23if you want to do it do it i don't care you know i just think it's

29:29it's excessive yeah well i see i i i see your point but i i have a different opinion i

29:38really think

29:39this is very serious friendships are really serious matters i think we have bigger fish to fry these days

29:47this is like the least important thing well no there of course there's more important things but

29:56who you trust is a big deal yeah well a piece of paper is not going to guarantee that

30:04no but having established someone that can help you advocate for you represent you is very serious

30:14the four of pentacles you want to preserve that this is to preserve what you have

30:21nine of pentacles nine of pentacles this is kind of the idea of friendship and family

30:27all the people everything that is around you that that that are around you nine of pentacles

30:34and final carl the hermit yes that's what i was saying earlier people feel isolated

30:43yeah

30:46it's one of the biggest issue of our times loneliness feeling isolated people that don't

30:54have a partner and they rely on a couple friends

31:01well you know just like you nine of pentacles this is preparing for the future

31:09right exactly right i understand that so i get

31:16the this is more about healing than it is about the actual suffering that's involved so this is

31:25sort of a compassionate way to provide people with support you know and then i got the empress and

31:35i don't know maybe maybe putin is going to come over and be your friend

31:40all right let's move to a third topic which is

31:46well why are more young people developing chronic conditions

31:52you mean physical conditions well yeah um there's been a among americans 18 to 34 chronic conditions

32:03increased from 52 to 59 that's a seven points increase in 10 years 59.5 percent of young adults reported

32:14at least 12

32:15of selected chronic condition that's 44 millions of young americans that have a chronic condition

32:2427 percent of them have two chronic conditions 18 to 34 44 million of them have in 27 percent it's

32:39is incredible yeah it's incredible um if you compare generations yes it has increased significantly um

32:50um the younger group is moving closer and closer to having more of those conditions um

33:00what anybody keeps statistics in the past though i mean do we know what the incidence of chronic

33:05conditions was 100 years ago well they said you know from they they looked at 10 years so 2013 to

33:182023

33:192023 so that's an interesting time for over 10 years um what are the biggest contributor obesity

33:27so that's physical depression

33:33and obesity from 22 percent to 27 percent five percent increase depression eight percent increase so that's more

33:43mental um

33:47cancer

33:49uh COPD

33:52we're also seeing you know increase

33:55um

33:58so they looked at everything what has changed changes in diet physical inactivity sleep stress mental health

34:07environmental exposure socioeconomic conditions better diagnostic

34:13greater awareness some combinations

34:17physical inactivity poor nutrition tobacco alcohol

34:23um

34:26so what is going on there and and it has a cost for all of us

34:35you know one of my daughters uh lost a very close friend when they were 27 to colon cancer

34:43just out of the blue it is it is true that uh younger people are getting weird things

34:49at a younger age it's micro plastics it's it's environmental it's it's mental health you know contributes to physical health

34:59health it's inactivity and video games i blame video games

35:03um

35:04are you

35:05are you phone

35:06phone

35:07oh wow

35:08telephone yeah

35:10uh so

35:11i we're not doctors we're not gonna but it is a very worrisome situation so let's just read on it

35:19what what what can the crowds tell us

35:23about

35:26you know there's this interesting channel where the guy restores old videos from the past old film from the past

35:35like family video there used to be people who would just stand on a city street for officials and just

35:44record people getting off a ferry or people

35:49going to an event and they would just record the crowd getting off the train whatever and uh

35:55one of the things that that i noticed right away

35:59there were no fat people 100 years ago it was rare well people were more having more physical activity

36:11yeah just an observation you know interesting first card death and

36:20yes you just mentioned younger people do die more i'm sure i don't have the statistics there's

36:28been a shift with a fortune and the ten of worms problems stress depression it doesn't tell us

36:36why i mean we kind of know why but the stress level is higher the inactivity is higher technology

36:44is higher and the environmental the air we breathe the food we eat

36:56i'm still pulling cards it's taking me a long time because it's a relatively new deck and i don't

37:02recognize what i'm looking at you know okay this is interesting so what's the what's the cause of it

37:11so i get this is the king of swords they call it the king of arrows isn't that cute the

37:18king of swords

37:18reverse the king of lawns reverse ace of cups reversed it's about inactivity it's about lack of um

37:29good judgment you know using your brain it's about a lack of emotion so we're talking about depression

37:35anxiety uh not really not being moored to uh a direction in life i think that that that king of

37:47swords reversed and then the lack of activity and what do you end up with you end up with i

37:54can't pick

37:54this up the emperor reversed you lose control over your own well-being and then i got oops i got

38:04a card

38:04that jumped right out of my hand judgment isn't that interesting uh i don't think that this is

38:11necessarily out of our hands i think there's something that we can do about this we can

38:21lifestyle yeah yeah that's not happening for younger people you know they're they're they're

38:29talking about an increase in mental health problems in younger people and it's not because they're

38:37inherently you know it's not something they were born with it's it's a result of what's going on in

38:43society and their environment so there is a series of steps that people could take to change that but we

38:51have to use discretion and discernment and judgment and if you're going to sit in front of a phone or

38:58a

38:58video game or eat mcdonald's all day

39:03and i'm not blaming kids for everything i'm not blaming young people for everything but

39:07those are large factors a lack of uh good mental health and a lack of activity and a lack of

39:15judgment

39:16yeah but the environment too plays a role it's not the air we breathe is not the air people breathe

39:23before

39:23and the food we eat is not the food they're pesticides there's all these things right

39:30microplastics it's true well it is yeah you know in your dishwasher when you use chemical in your

39:36dish it brings the microplastics soap yeah oh

39:46yeah those those packets that yeah oh you don't have to use those you know there's power no no no

39:52but a lot of people do a lot of people and then it ends up being in your glass

39:59yeah

40:01i'm glad i'm old right well all right well we're gonna close on this uh we have another show to

40:10do that's

40:11going to be on your channel so if you want to watch that just get to helen's channel and we'll

40:18see

40:18you just in a little bit i can hardly believe i'm saying this nate but my topics are more cheery

40:24today

40:25oh well what's wrong what's wrong about friendship that's the best topic

40:32oh well true true friendship cool cool porter

40:41okay bye everyone see you there

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