00:04ID. There's a strange abbreviation when you think about it. I is short for I, and then D is short
00:15for dentification.
00:20It's funny with Saturday Night Live, isn't it, that people either go on to huge fame or they fizzle into
00:25oblivion.
00:25And then there's you. It won't go away.
00:29When I was a kid, I walked in on my parents having sex. It was the most embarrassing half hour
00:35of my life.
00:38I think it's kind of useless to go to school. I never graduated college or I never went to college.
00:45I don't know if I believe that.
00:48Remember when you came and visited the set of Man on the Moon?
00:51Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah. I was also in the film.
00:55I'm not political.
00:56In my opinion, if you're going to fight the war on terror, a good place to start would be this
01:02nation's haunted houses.
01:04They're terrifying.
01:06We all went on a tour to do stand up and he goes, I'm the best comic out of all
01:11of us. And everyone went, yeah.
01:13Yeah, that's true.
01:14No one fought back.
01:17Now why would they fire you?
01:18This guy, Don Ohlmeyer, who turns out to be the president.
01:20Yeah.
01:20So he goes, I'm firing you there from the show.
01:23And then I said, oh, that's not good.
01:27And then I said, why is that now?
01:29And he goes, oh, you're not, you know, you're not funny.
01:32And then I said, I said, holy Lord, that's even worse news, you know.
01:39I don't like to act.
01:40Actors look on me the way vampires look on Count Chocula.
01:44We regard you as the best of the best.
01:47The guy who has it in every fiber of his being.
01:51You know, there's no such thing as unconditional love with human beings.
01:55But dogs, they don't care.
01:57Hitler had a dog.
01:58Now you think of that.
02:00There was a dog in history who loved Hitler more than anyone.
02:05He would wake up in the morning and go, where's Hitler?
02:14And he was a friend toize?
02:16Oh, yeah.
02:18And soy.
02:19There was a new tradition.
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