00:02so about a week ago when I started thinking and really picturing what this
00:08moment was going to be like I suddenly realized that I had asked the two
00:13funniest people on the planet to speak before me what a horrible horrible
00:19awful mistake this is going to be a colossal womp womp people used to tell
00:32me you'll get a star on Hollywood Boulevard when hell freezes over and so I
00:41expected it to be a little cooler today thank you Conan and Steve for these
00:58wonderful hilarious lovely introductions and for being true friends I'm a little
01:08younger than you guys so I'm I'm also going to say that I've always looked on
01:13you as mentors and dare I say even father figures in this business and it's really
01:23I'm so happy to see you both so healthy and strong and with it seriously it's
01:31inspiring thank you Jerry and Ron and for that lovely introduction into the
01:39Chamber of Commerce for this great honor anyone who knows me well knows how much
01:45I love prestigious honors and this is especially meaningful because as Conan
01:50pointed out we Conan who greedily grabbed so much of the jokes of my speech but no
01:59it's very nice I love you no but he did point out that we would walk along these
02:06streets in 1985 and I remember walking along here looking for comedic heroes like
02:14Jack Benny and Ernie Kovacs and this was before the internet this was before social
02:21media this was even before cell phones children and walking the Boulevard with
02:27our heads down watching the stars go by was as close as a simple pioneer like me
02:34could get to scrolling tick-tock and yet I am still younger than Conan and Steve and
02:41Mike judge another great friend and brilliant older mentor of mine who
02:47couldn't make it today I hope he's all right someone do a wellness check please
02:53and text us he's okay and not in the Whataburger parking lot in his bathrobe
02:57again love you Mike speaking of my my relative youth I want to praise the
03:05demographic that doesn't get a lot of respect but in my opinion are the biggest
03:09experts on comedy in the world the 12 and 13 year old boy I'm not exactly sure
03:15why this is I know it's true maybe during those couple of years when the girls in
03:20class grow taller than you and comedy is the only way to make sense of the
03:25ridiculous position you were in that could explain it but by 12 I had already
03:31gotten some training in comedy writing from my family my mom and her side had a
03:38tradition of writing funny poems on birthdays where I got my first laughs thank
03:42you mom and of course my dad who is probably losing his mind in his seat that I
03:52could be thanking my mom before him my dad is one of the world's great comic
03:58storytellers he tells a hilarious story about getting trapped in a feud over New
04:03York parking space I sold that story to Seinfeld and it got me hired at the
04:07Simpsons which basically started my half-hour career dad you are the Daniels on this star but luckily no one
04:19will
04:19know that thank you for only playing comedy albums at home and the devil went
04:28down to Georgia over and over can you believe just the Bob Newhart's on this
04:33block and also on this block our Walter Matthau and Jack Lemmon which brings me
04:43to the odd couple and my brother Alex and discovering character comedy we used to
04:49watch Felix and Oscar until we became Felix and Oscar and every look or choice or
04:55cause could make us laugh at home and finally on this block the name that I'm
05:00staring at is John Belushi can you imagine right there when I was 12 Saturday
05:08Night Live and Monty Python both came on the air and blew my mind my friend Jimmy
05:15Halpert and I actually stood behind John Belushi in line at a movie theater and got
05:20his autograph and it inspired us to write a comedy screenplay it was about the CIA
05:26and the mafia as mentioned in the song why can't we be friends by the great group
05:32war and we had a complete blast it was silly ridiculous fun and comedy writing
05:38became my way of saying will you play with me and making friends there's a cliche
05:44that writing is a solitary act or that comedians are all angry I have not found
05:51that to be the case writing has brought me together with the most interesting
05:55loony fun bunch of people in my life raise your hand if we've shared a written
06:00by credit Conan Steve Rich Appel Mike sure Jen Salata Owen Daniels Haley Daniels
06:09Michael Komen Saladin Patterson Paul Lieberstein Warren Lieberstein thank you
06:17guys for enabling my unlikely rise to unimaginable respect and power and at
06:24such a young age too pretty cool and through comedy writing I've met so many
06:30great actors the cast of King of the Hills in my life again which I love working
06:35with their voices is how I became a director and all the improvising with my
06:39mockumentary casts what a joy that is you haven't lived until you try to direct
06:44Rainn Wilson in a talking head without breaking and I'm so grateful to have a
06:49new cast of champions go paper you guys are the best not to mention all the
06:57brilliant executives who are here and talented directors editors and crew that
07:01you get to pal around with shooting here in LA this is my fourth show with Dave
07:06Rogers and my nuts they are selling AI as a tool that will let you make a TV show
07:16all by yourself who wants that that is getting it absolutely backwards the point
07:24of making a TV show is the wonderful people that you get to meet it's the
07:28whole point so just like solve climate change already with your stupid AI sorry
07:35AI guy instead of taking the jobs that people actually want to do but most
07:41importantly comedy writing brought me together with my wife Suzanne who I met on
07:46Saturday Night Live and instantly realized was my soulmate when she found me
07:50funnier than Conan making her laugh is my favorite thing and it has saved me from
08:01hundreds of times that I put my foot in it or been insensitive and somehow managed
08:06to wriggle back into her good graces her encouragement and advice and notes have
08:11been my not-so-secret secret weapon I have to tell the story when we were in the
08:16hospital having our first child technically you were having her I'm not
08:19gonna take credit for that Suzanne had fallen asleep in the middle of labor and I
08:25pulled out the pilot rewrite script for King of the Hill which I still needed to
08:29turn in and the delivery nurse saw me working on it and then later she went to
08:33Suzanne after I left the room with the newborn and told my exhausted wife that I
08:39was a workaholic and she should divorce me can you imagine what she didn't
08:45realize was that Suzanne had worked like that day until her water broke and was
08:50having none of that although cut to now and I'm selfishly getting a star with
08:56just my name on it and a picture of a brass TV when it really should be a brass
09:01wife and children and all our names honey I asked if they could do it like that but
09:06they said it's more artistically consistent with the others if it's just
09:08me and a TV and you know they have a point I mean what can you do I tried
09:15Suzanne and I created our own writers room of funny children for us to hang out
09:18with and make jokes with and there's nothing I like more than pitching with
09:22them so thank you my family who I constantly milk for ideas thank you Judy
09:27and Stan my in-laws were also here who allowed me to marry your daughter when I was
09:34unemployed for a year thank you Perlina and everybody at Universal for supporting
09:42me at a proper Hollywood studio which is an amazing treat thank you Howard Klein who
09:48has represented me for 41 years and been an active EP on everything I've ever made
09:55thank you Ari who hooked me up with the office to begin with and Paul and Brian and
10:03Joel and Adriana and all my reps who are so smart and have my back and thank you
10:08fans for everyone with a Bobby Hill tattoo and the folks who stood outside the
10:13parking lot gates while we filmed the office and the optimists who love parks
10:17and rec and the sci-fi romantics who love upload and everyone heartened by the
10:21paper you saw that I actually made furniture out of paper I have I have a long
10:28connection to paper and any 12 year old boys who approve of my jokes your interest
10:34in my work has given me the chance to keep doing what I love for 41 years wow
10:39that's a long time and yet I'm still younger than Conan thank you very much
10:45everybody
10:45you
10:45you
10:46you
10:47you
10:47you
10:49you
