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00:04You gotta love that neighbor, no matter what's a favor, love that neighbor, because you need your friends, you need
00:13a lot while you're going down, someone who always want to be around, but you need an independent, an helping
00:20hand, someone who wouldn't stand, so you better love that neighbor, no matter what's a favor, love that neighbor,
00:28because you never know who would be your friend.
01:30Oh, man.
01:43What's the matter with me? I'm a mogul. I shouldn't be reading the Racing Gazette. I go to the Racing
01:48Gazette online. Hey. Okay, come on, warm up, baby.
01:55Yeah.
01:59Vicki! You're the receptionist! Will you start to recept?
02:05Oh, darn it. I know I should have hired the girl with the puny chest and the voluptuous brain instead
02:10of the other way around. Come in!
02:13Huh. Hello, Dunn's funeral home. Hold, please. Freddie's bail bond. Hold, please.
02:22Dunn's massage pilot. Hold, cutie pie. Where were you?
02:28I had to change for my burger commercial audition. Oh, that's the third one you're not gonna get this week.
02:34Excuse me? Argument when you hired me was that I could go on auditions.
02:37No. Our agreement when I hired you was that your father, the judge, wouldn't throw the book at me.
02:42Here's your mogulati, Freddie.
02:43This is about time. Huh. I don't get any respect around here.
02:48What?
02:52Okay, Stanley. Tell me you went down to the racetrack and put that C note on Pampoon.
02:57Oh, I did. And you'll be happy to know Pampoon won 40 to 1.
03:01What? Great! 40 to 1. That's 4,000 dead presidents. Yes, sir.
03:11Where's the winning ticket, Stanley?
03:13Oh, yeah. I got it. It's right here.
03:16Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Look, I don't like the sound of that uh-oh.
03:20It's in my other coat, the one I lent to Mr. Whatley for the service this morning.
03:23Well, where's Mr. Whatley?
03:24He's down at the cemetery.
03:26Well, good. I didn't see him, but he may be still there.
03:28I hope so. He's the one that got buried.
03:38I just went from 4K up to 6 feet under. Didn't they teach you anything at Undertaker School, huh?
03:43Rule 1A. Always check your pockets before you lend your coat to a dead person.
03:50Yes?
03:51I have Mr. Jarvis here.
03:53Thank you. Bring him in. I promise to drop him off tonight.
03:56Mr. Jarvis.
04:00You better find that winning ticket, Stanley, or I'll be dropping you off next.
04:03Oh, no. How could I be so stupid? Crying tent on the day.
04:29I keep wishing you'd come back.
04:45So, what'd you think, Aunt Jo?
04:47Nikki, baby, you had me rockin' and rollin', girl.
04:50But then again, it could be this pre-dinner martini.
04:55Come here, Harley. Where'd you get them tattoos from?
04:58Uh, down at Tampa Bay's skin pictures.
04:59Woo!
05:00But I got this done in Bangkok by this guy named Kung Pao.
05:03He was hot and spicy, just like the chicken.
05:08Aunt Jo, I am sure my boyfriend enjoys looking at your gorgeous tats.
05:12But we can rehearse the next one.
05:14Come on, guys. Let's try one.
05:18One, two, one, two, three.
05:29Nikki, I thought you said this was a garage band.
05:33We are?
05:34Then why aren't you in the garage?
05:36Dad, because it's an expression.
05:38Okay.
05:38Then here's another expression.
05:39Show's over.
05:40Dad.
05:42Besides, you don't want to blow out your Aunt Josephine's last good ear.
05:46Mind your business, Baldy.
05:49Why do you have to call me Baldy in front of my daughter's friends?
05:52I'm sorry, Shorty.
05:55So, Nikki, you gonna grease my dew?
05:58Hey! That's my daughter you're talkin' to.
06:00Dad, calm down. He's talkin' about his hair.
06:03Oh.
06:04Get your dew over here.
06:05Excellent.
06:06Yeah.
06:09Hey, what is with this video dating service?
06:11I don't want any video dating service.
06:12Yeah, no, because I ordered it for you.
06:14Oh, Dad, guess what?
06:15Harley's mom got a divorce last year, too, so she's available.
06:19Oh?
06:26No thanks.
06:30I think I'll keep dating humans.
06:33All right, there you go, babe.
06:35Sweet.
06:36Well, I'm outie five-boutie.
06:38Bye.
06:39Look, Nikki, if you want to do hair, why don't you come and work down at the funeral pile?
06:43Uh, there's plenty of work there, and the customers never complain.
06:46Dad, it's because they're dead.
06:48Oh, we try to make sure of that.
06:50Although some have slipped through the cracks.
06:53Dad, I don't even believe in getting buried.
06:55Look, it's no skin off my nose. Buried, burnt, frozen, or stuffed. They all gotta go through me.
07:02I'm with you, Nikki, darling. Spread my ashes across the Mediterranean.
07:05No way. That'll be a worse environmental disaster than the Exxon Valdez.
07:15Hey, hey! We got a move-in van out of here. Looks like we're gonna get some new neighbors.
07:19Oh, great. I hope they're decent. I miss the Donovans.
07:21Yeah, they just disappeared all of a sudden.
07:24Oh, that's because they're in the witness protection program.
07:26See, Louis Donovan was a hit man.
07:28I know this because he talked in his sleep.
07:32Yeah. He gave me a lot of referrals, though.
07:35Remember that turf war back in 96?
07:37Condo in Maui.
07:43Every five minutes, Congress is passing an anti-drug law, anti-smoking law, anti-toxic waste dump law.
07:49Huh. Can't they let people be the masters of their own fate?
07:52Oh, calm down, Freddie. People still gonna pass away. Don't be in such a rush.
07:57Well, I'm sorry. I'm in a hurry.
07:58That yacht I want ain't gonna be on the market forever, you know.
08:03What is that?
08:04Auntie Jo wrote a book on sexology.
08:07I call it Mastering the Johnson.
08:16How can you let my child read this junk?
08:18Dad, get real. I'm a grown woman. I've had sex before.
08:24Ooh, but not like this.
08:28Relax, Freddie. By the time I was this child's age, I had already had an affair with the crown prince
08:32of Cambodia.
08:33Yeah. And you wound up with the crack king of Compton.
08:39Daddy, I think your toast is done.
08:41Oh, whoa, whoa! What is this thing? I'm...
08:45Oh.
08:47I think I'll aid after I jog.
08:50While you jog, I'll take that trash out with you.
08:52Good idea.
08:54Hey, why don't I just add this trash to the trash?
08:57Hey, man, you can learn something from this.
08:59Oh, come on. You think I don't know how to float a woman's boat?
09:02Oh.
09:06According to his last three wives, that boat kept sinking.
09:16Hola.
09:17You from Casa next door?
09:22I speak English.
09:24Pepe Rodriguez.
09:25Oh, Fred Dunn.
09:26Hey.
09:26So, what, are you here every day or once a week?
09:28No, I'm here every day. I...
09:29Oh, you thought that, uh...
09:31No, no, no. My wife and I bought the house next door.
09:34Oh, you did? Really?
09:36Oh, I'm sorry.
09:37That's all right. Common mistake. Mostly white neighborhoods.
09:39Yeah, it is kind of leave it to beaver.
09:43But I'm sure your boss has a nice family.
09:55My boss?
09:56Well, yeah, don't you work for these people?
09:57No, I don't work for these people. I am these people.
10:03Now I've done it. Sorry.
10:05No problemo, amigo. Later.
10:08See you around.
10:09Jake.
10:09Rugrats.
10:13Look.
10:14I just met our new neighbor.
10:15He thought I was the help.
10:20Come on, Dad.
10:21That's a common mistake being that there's so few people of color around here.
10:24An Hispanic guy and he thinks I'm the help?
10:29It's Latino, Dad.
10:30Yeah, right. Latino.
10:32Why can't they make up their minds of what they want to be called?
10:34Now, over the years, I've been colored, Negro, African American, and now I'm a Nubian goddess.
10:42Mm-hmm.
10:44Mm-hmm.
10:46Whatever.
10:47There goes the neighborhood.
10:49Good.
10:50Why, because he's Latino?
10:52No.
10:52Don't you get it?
10:53He's probably one of those drug lords.
10:55Uh-huh.
10:56But you know something?
10:57Those drug lords stay pretty liquid.
10:58He could be good for investments.
11:01Now, Freddie, that's enough of that.
11:03Now, I'm gonna go over next door and invite him and his wife over for dinner as a gesture to
11:07welcome them to the neighborhood.
11:08And that way, we can all get to meet them.
11:10Yeah, that's a great idea.
11:12Hey, that's a better attitude, Dad.
11:14Mm-hmm.
11:14That way, I can keep an eye on him.
11:21Oh, man, I am so stuffed.
11:24I'm gonna have to do a double workout tomorrow.
11:26Yeah.
11:31Yeah, as I was saying at supper, people in this neighborhood are very refined.
11:36Oh.
11:36For example, do you appreciate a good cigar?
11:40Oh, absolutely.
11:42El Presidente's from Honduras.
11:44Oh, I was gonna offer you one of my Cubans.
11:52Now, is that not a taste of heaven or what?
11:55I thought I was your taste of heaven.
11:58Oh, mija, you are my angel.
12:00Mm.
12:01Oh.
12:03Yeah.
12:04You have a beautiful home, Freddie, and your sister's room is something else.
12:09But of course, Lupita, that's my headquarters.
12:12That's where I get it done.
12:16All right.
12:17Hey, thank you so much for fixing the microwave, Pip.
12:20It works perfectly now.
12:21Oh, no problem at all, Nick.
12:23I studied electrical engineering at MIT.
12:24Oh, you went to MIT?
12:27Briefly, yeah.
12:27Oh, couldn't stick it out, huh?
12:29Well, I got this road scholarship, so I had to go to Oxford to study.
12:35Pepe is the smartest of all of his siblings.
12:37It's kind of a curse to have a high IQ.
12:40But I guess it's just in the genes, you know?
12:43No kidding.
12:47Wow, mi vida.
12:48Yeah.
12:49Pepe, did you see this beautiful guitar?
12:51No.
12:53Oh, honey, why don't you play something for them?
12:57Something short, not one of your symphonies.
12:59Yeah, it's mine.
13:00I can't seem to get it in tune, though.
13:02Well, let me see what I can do with it.
13:31Oh, my.
13:32Did you study music at Oxford, too?
13:35Well, no, no.
13:35Actually, an old Karib fisherman taught me guitar
13:38when I was working the shrimp trawler off of Jamaica.
13:40And that was before he joined the guerrilla army in Colombia.
13:43Colombia, the cocaine capital of the world.
13:49So, you were with Los Rebeldes Locos.
13:52How exciting and romantic.
13:54So, what line of business are you in, Pepe?
13:56Oh, the health food business.
13:57I distribute vitamins as well as 200 other health products.
14:01I might have known.
14:03Lovita Dulce Vitamins.
14:05I've heard of this company before.
14:07You've probably seen our commercials.
14:09I play Señorita Vida, and he plays Don Dulce.
14:12I didn't want to do it,
14:13but they saw me training for the triathlon,
14:15and they roped me in.
14:18You know, a lot of people scoff about health products,
14:20but you know what? Mine really worked.
14:21People are living much longer now.
14:23Tell me about it.
14:27So, what do you do, Freddy?
14:30I'm a transitional engineer.
14:35Daddy runs Dunn's funeral homes.
14:38Among other enterprises.
14:40Oh, I see.
14:40So, I guess if my products don't work, people go to you.
14:47Okay, let's go play gin.
14:50Then you'll be in my arena, amigo.
14:53Gin.
14:55Oh, that's ten in a row.
14:57Pepe, you're getting annoying.
15:00Okay, honey?
15:00Don't you just hate him?
15:02Yeah.
15:03Pepe, you are truly an amazing man.
15:05Oh, he's just lucky, that's all.
15:07I'm getting tired.
15:08Hey, listen, if you're getting tired,
15:09why don't you try some of my energizing powder?
15:12It's my own secret recipe of natural ingredients.
15:17Energizing powder, right.
15:19Daddy.
15:20What's the matter?
15:21We don't partake, Pepe.
15:22I don't understand.
15:24He's just kidding.
15:26Aren't you, Daddy?
15:26There'll be no trafficking in this house.
15:29Trafficking?
15:30You heard me.
15:31Is he serious?
15:33My brother is prone to insanity.
15:36You think, like, I'm a drug dealer or something?
15:38If the sombrero fits.
15:41Daddy!
15:41Freddy, please!
15:43You do?
15:43You're serious?
15:44I can't believe this.
15:45I move in the neighborhood, I'm Latino,
15:47so automatically I'm a drug dealer?
15:48Well.
15:49Vamanos, mija, let's go.
15:51Oh, I'm sorry.
15:52Pepe can be short-tempered.
15:53I'm sorry, Freddy's just short.
15:58What?
16:07Freddy, your behavior with Pepe was totally uncool.
16:10Oh.
16:11Ow!
16:13Daddy, I'm surprised that you're usually more liberal than that.
16:16Oh, I see.
16:18So it's got to be me instead of old super hombre over there, huh?
16:20What kills me is you both got sucked into his holier-than-out attitude.
16:24He is holier-than-your-sorry behind.
16:25Well, excuse me, but something about him just rubs me the wrong way.
16:30Daddy, Pepe and Lupita seem perfectly nice.
16:33Oh, come on.
16:34That's all a front.
16:35Nobody can be that together.
16:37And I bet you Pepe's biceps are implants.
16:41Him and that old lovey-dovey wife, his fight all the time.
16:44Ooh, Frederick Bartholomew Wolfgang, Amadeus done.
16:48You're just jealous.
16:50What?
16:51Me?
16:52Jealous?
16:52How dare you?
16:55He ain't got anything I want.
16:57I happen to be a man of class and distinction.
17:00You ready to go dig up that dead body and get that winning track ticket back?
17:04Yes.
17:06Let's go.
17:07Daddy, you are tripping.
17:10I trip not.
17:16Oh, shut up, you big crybaby.
17:19I think we lost him.
17:24What is going on?
17:26Some stupid security guard sawed us digging up Mr. Watley and assumed we were grave robbers.
17:32Well, now, how can that happen to you, Daddy?
17:34I mean, you are a man of class and distinction.
17:38Look, if I'm retrieving something that's lawfully mine, it can't be called a robbery, right?
17:41Which wasn't there.
17:43Hey, well, maybe I lent my coat to another dead guy.
17:46Oh, wait, it wasn't Mr. Watley.
17:47It was Mr. Worthington.
17:48Oh, come on, Stanley.
17:50I can't go around digging up all my customers.
17:54But what else can we do?
17:55Come on.
17:56Come on.
17:58Come on.
18:07Hey!
18:09Hey!
18:10Hey, hey, hey.
18:11Look, it's Saturday morning.
18:13Why aren't you kids hungover or something?
18:16Dad.
18:17Oh, hey, we got a gig.
18:19We are playing for the Alpha Phi Alpha graduate chapter party tonight.
18:23Oh, great.
18:24What are they paying you?
18:25Nothing.
18:26They just asked us.
18:27We said okay.
18:29Nothing?
18:30Oh, man.
18:30Look.
18:31Here's 40 bucks.
18:33Go buy yourselves a clue.
18:34Cool.
18:37Hey, where are you guys going?
18:39We need to rehearse.
18:43Dad, we needed to rehearse for that gig.
18:46What for?
18:46I just gave them more money than they're ever going to make.
18:49Dad, music is important to me.
18:51I really think that it can be a career.
18:52Look, baby.
18:53The music industry is a total risk.
18:55You've got to have a backup.
18:56Which is why I'm getting my master's in theater.
18:58I figure I can do some acting on the side.
19:00Oh, sweetheart.
19:01I want you to come down to work part-time at the funeral home.
19:05You'll learn about business.
19:06Ew.
19:07Look, don't you me.
19:09Let me tell you something about that which put food in our mouth.
19:12Dad, I know that, but ew.
19:16Look, my father left me one funeral home on Citrus Avenue.
19:19Here we go again.
19:20Business was bad.
19:21It was the 70s.
19:22People were into health food.
19:24They quit smoking.
19:25They reduced the speed limit to 55 miles per hour.
19:29I'm telling you, those were dark, dark days.
19:33Yes.
19:35Dad, you do realize you're talking about people dying, right?
19:38So what?
19:39That's life.
19:40Death.
19:42I'm part of the natural order of things.
19:45The ebb and flow.
19:45The yin and yang.
19:46The kit and kaboot.
19:47All right, all right.
19:48I get it.
19:50You know, you and Mom said that I should pursue my dreams.
19:53Yes, and your mother is still pursuing hers, and it's in my wallet.
19:58I don't understand, Dad.
19:59You had dreams.
20:00I think you're just ticked off because you didn't pursue them.
20:03What?
20:04Uh-huh.
20:05I found this in the attic.
20:08Oh, yeah.
20:10Freddy and the Funkatronics.
20:17Yeah.
20:18That was a long time ago.
20:19We were good, too.
20:20Yeah, and I think it's sad that you didn't keep trying.
20:23Yeah, you're right.
20:25Yeah, I still keep in touch with Marvin and Eddie.
20:27Of course, old Charlie here is Charlene now.
20:32Hmm.
20:33You know, we could get back and have a reunion.
20:36Then I could fire the other three and go solo.
20:40Oh, yeah.
20:41You're right, sweetheart.
20:43Follow your dream.
20:44Yes!
20:44Thank you!
20:54Good morning, big brother.
20:57Good morning.
20:57Ugh.
21:02Terrence, last night was lovely.
21:05We must do it again.
21:08Again.
21:09And again.
21:12But I see me.
21:17Wow, baby!
21:22Woo!
21:23That Pepe's energizing powder is some mess!
21:28I don't want to hear about it.
21:29You still fixing on that thing?
21:31Yes.
21:32And I don't need your help.
21:33Or seeing your fixes next door.
21:36You know, Freddy, you hopeless.
21:38Now, let me tell you something.
21:39You don't have to like Pepe.
21:41But he is our neighbor, and we should get along.
21:43So what I need you to do
21:45is go over there and take a peace offering.
21:48Take the higher road.
21:50Okay.
21:50I can be big.
21:51I'm not petty.
21:53A gift?
21:54Okay.
21:59Okay, gift baskets.
22:01Yeah.
22:02Hey, Aunt Josephine, Daddy,
22:03look what Pepe brought over!
22:06Woo!
22:06Woo!
22:07Woo!
22:07Woo!
22:08Woo!
22:08Woo!
22:09I kind of want to bury the hatchet.
22:11After all, we are neighbors, right?
22:13Freddy, isn't that thoughtful?
22:14Yeah.
22:15I'm blown away.
22:17Hey, that toaster there,
22:18I have one like that.
22:20Uh, is the pop-up mechanism acting up?
22:22Hey, no, no, no, it's fine.
22:23It's just this simple little screw,
22:24and it, uh...
22:26Ah!
22:26It does a trick.
22:28This is a plot, isn't it?
22:29Excuse me?
22:30You heard me.
22:31This is a plot.
22:32First, you beat me in gin,
22:33which is supposed to be my game.
22:35Then you take the first step
22:36and beat me to the high road.
22:37Now you're gonna come here
22:38and try to embarrass me
22:39in front of my sister
22:39and my daughter.
22:40I'm not trying to embarrass you.
22:42You know what you are?
22:43You're an alien.
22:45I happen to be
22:46fourth-generation American.
22:47I'm not talking about
22:48from down there.
22:49I'm talking about from up there.
22:52You're one of those pod people.
22:54You're here trying to take over
22:55my family's bodies.
22:56You're here trying to take over
22:57your compadre.
22:58Uh-uh.
23:02Wait a minute.
23:03This is my house.
23:04You get out.
23:10Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,
23:12and welcome to the first day
23:13of the rest of your filthy rich lives.
23:17Today's topic, the cash cow.
23:19Speaking of which,
23:20payments are due after class
23:21for the next session.
23:23And the checks better be good.
23:24Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
23:28Now, the ideal cash cow
23:30is one that...
23:32And that is how
23:33we get filthy rich.
23:36Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
23:37That's our class for tonight.
23:38Don't forget,
23:40tapes and books
23:40are available in the lobby,
23:41or you can visit us...
23:47Thank you, thank you.
23:49You can visit us on our website,
23:51www.letsmakmomoneyrightnow.com.au.
23:58Hey, uh, Freddy.
24:00Can I talk to you?
24:01What are you still doing here, Pepe?
24:03I'd like to sign up for your seminar.
24:04Why?
24:05So you can give me a critique?
24:06Undermine me with my students?
24:08Ruin me?
24:08No.
24:09So I can learn from you.
24:10Oh, man.
24:11You're smooth.
24:12Oh, Freddy,
24:12you got me all wrong.
24:14You know how I finance
24:15my vitamin business?
24:16My father won Powerball in 85.
24:19Ha, ha, ha.
24:20Touch of luck, huh?
24:21Ha, ha.
24:22Now you really make me dislike you, Pepe.
24:25Nicky told me that you took a funeral home
24:27and turned it into a successful chain.
24:30What?
24:30I gotta talk to that girl
24:32about leaky family secrets.
24:34You know, and I'd like to use my talents
24:36to build an empire just like you did.
24:38Oh, so you're finally coming around, huh?
24:40And if I come off like a show-off,
24:43hey, I'm sorry.
24:44You know, generally,
24:45I'm pretty good at being humble.
24:48You know, Pepe,
24:50you do have a lot of potential,
24:52but I reserve the right
24:54to change my mind.
24:55Deal?
24:56Deal.
24:57Ha, ha, ha.
24:58Yeah.
24:59Ha, ha, ha, ha.
25:01Hmm.
25:03Es usted un hombre muy fuerte.
25:05No, no, no, Pepe, Pepe.
25:06Look, we're getting along.
25:08Don't go Ricky Ricardo on me.
25:09Oh, here's your post-seminar latte.
25:13What took you so long?
25:14Well, I finally remember
25:16what happened in the coat
25:16with the winning ticket in.
25:17Oh, what happened to it?
25:18It wasn't Mr. Worthington I loaned it to.
25:20It was Mr. Jarvis.
25:22Oh, well, it was Mr. Jar-
25:24Mr. Jarvis.
25:29Somebody help me.
25:43Bye.
25:45Bye.
25:53Bye.
25:57Bye.
25:59Bye.
26:01Bye.