- 1 day ago
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CreativityTranscript
00:01Oh, Hank, I'm so excited. It's been so long since we've had a date night.
00:05Yeah, we haven't been out together since the kids were born.
00:08So what movie are we going to watch?
00:10It's called Stab. It's a scary movie.
00:12Oh, no, Hank, I hate scary movies. I hope it's not violent.
00:16Just shh and eat your popcorn and the movie's stuck.
00:25Who had that?
00:31Darn it, why's the phone have to ring? The movie was just getting good.
00:34What is wrong with your friends? Makeup!
00:38Boobies!
00:41You hear so much of it and it's mom's favorite.
00:44Who is this?
00:45Yes.
00:45No, seriously, who is this?
00:47Were you expecting someone?
00:49No.
00:51Are you sure about that?
00:53I'll come back when you're not a friend.
00:54This isn't Mariah.
00:56This isn't Mariah.
00:58Are you sure?
00:58Yeah, Mariah's my next-door neighbor.
01:01I don't get it.
01:03Why are all the other girls so much in makeup?
01:06Are you okay?
01:07Yeah.
01:09It sounds like you need a cough drop.
01:11I guess.
01:12People tell us that all the time.
01:13Sir, do you know if Mariah's home?
01:15No, she's on vacation long.
01:17Hello, I'm nighting.
01:19I can make you look as beautiful as me.
01:22Oh, my, you can tell her.
01:25Oh, are you Rolly's friend, too?
01:27You need some of the children.
01:29That doesn't matter.
01:30Ew, no.
01:31Let's see.
01:35My gosh.
01:37Stupid cream colors.
01:39No.
01:42No.
01:43Look into the mirror.
01:46Oh, my God.
01:48Oh, my God.
01:50Oh, my God.
01:50Oh, my God.
01:51Oh, my God.
01:51Oh, my God.
01:51Oh, my God.
01:52Oh, my God.
01:52Oh, my God.
01:53Oh, my God.
01:54Oh, my God.
01:58Oh, my God.
01:59Oh, my God.
02:00Oh, my God.
02:02Oh, my God.
02:06Oh, my God.
02:09Oh, my God.
02:09Oh, my God.
02:10Oh, my God.
02:10This one was too graphic.
02:12Dang it.
02:12She died before we got to see her naked.
02:15I need to go to the bathroom and get rid of this stiffy.
02:17Hank, will you grab me a Dr. Pepper?
02:19All right.
02:20I'm going to look up boobies.
02:24Occupado.
02:25Capish?
02:27Someone's in here.
02:30Buckhead.
02:31I said someone's using the bathroom.
02:34Oh, God.
02:35Yeah.
02:36Hey, are you deaf, dumb, blind, and retarded?
02:39Hey, man.
02:39Hurry up and I'll take a shot.
02:42All right.
02:42Well, I guess you can shit while I'm doing this.
02:45Come on in.
02:52Hey.
02:53Hey.
02:53Hey.
02:54Hey.
02:55Hey.
02:56Hey.
03:02Oh, good.
03:03You're back, Hank.
03:04Did you get my Dr. Pepper?
03:05Nope.
03:06Oh, great.
03:07I see how it is.
03:08You couldn't get me a Dr. Pepper, but you could go to the gift shop and get you a costume
03:12from
03:12the guy in the movie.
03:13Oh, you're so selfish, Hank.
03:17Hank.
03:20Oh, Hank.
03:23What are you doing, Hank?
03:27I'm taking the popcorn.
03:32All right, Susan.
03:33What do you got for me?
03:33It's Suzanne.
03:34Wait, your name is Suzanne?
03:35I've been calling you Susan this whole time.
03:37No, no, no.
03:37Suzanne Susan.
03:39Wait.
03:39Susan Susan?
03:40No, my name is Susan.
03:42The victim's name is Suzanne.
03:43Okay, one of you's got to change your fucking name, because that's really confusing.
03:46She also has a daughter named Susie.
03:48Really?
03:48You couldn't have been more creative with female names?
03:51I mean, like, how about Lisa?
03:52Her name could have been Lisa, and her daughter could have been Lucy.
03:54I like that.
03:55Yeah, that would have been nice, but, I mean, it's too late now, because we're already
03:57selling her on smlmerch.com, link in the description.
04:00Anyway, so how did Suzanne die?
04:02She was stabbed multiple times.
04:03Oh, I don't see any blood.
04:05Well, we can't show that.
04:06YouTube doesn't like it.
04:07Oh, okay.
04:08So she was stabbed.
04:09Well, what movie was she watching?
04:11Stab.
04:11Well, no, you already told me how she died.
04:13I said, what movie was she watching?
04:14Stab.
04:15No, I know she was stabbed.
04:16I said, what is the movie?
04:18She was watching the movie Stab when she got stabbed.
04:21Okay, this is a really confusing fucking day.
04:23There's also a stab victim in the bathroom.
04:26Oh, and what's his name?
04:27Suzanne?
04:27Hank Huckerdue.
04:28Oh, wait, so they're married?
04:30Yes.
04:31Wait, that means they probably have kids at home, and that means somebody has to tell
04:34their kids their parents are dead.
04:35Can I do it?
04:36No, no, no, sir.
04:37I think it's a good idea that I handle it.
04:38No, no, no, I'm really good at telling kids their parents are dead.
04:40No, you got in trouble last time.
04:42Ugh.
04:43All right, guy, remember, they have feelings.
04:45Try to take this seriously.
04:47Susan, you're not supposed to answer the door for strangers.
04:49Hello?
04:50Knock, knock.
04:50The cops?
04:51No, that's not how the joke works.
04:53It's supposed to say, who's there?
04:54Knock, knock.
04:55Who's there?
04:56Not your parents, because they're dead.
04:57I don't get it.
04:58That's not funny.
05:00Ugh, okay, tough crowd.
05:01Let's see.
05:02Have you kids ever had a goldfish?
05:03Yeah.
05:04Okay, great.
05:05And what happened to that goldfish?
05:06It died.
05:07Okay, perfect.
05:08So now imagine you had two of those goldfish, and both of them were your parents, and then
05:11they died.
05:12Our parents are goldfish?
05:13No, no, let's see.
05:15Goldfish crackers.
05:16Okay, what happens when you eat goldfish crackers?
05:18In my belly.
05:19What?
05:19No, okay, Jesus.
05:20Let's abandon the whole goldfish allegory.
05:22Okay, so you know how your parents weren't stabbed to death when they left the house?
05:26Yeah.
05:26Well, that's changed.
05:28What about the goldfish?
05:29Oh, jeez.
05:30Okay, your parents got stabbed to death at the movie theater, okay?
05:32They're as dead as your stupid goldfish.
05:34Ah!
05:35What?
05:36What?
05:36Come on, what'd I say?
05:38God damn it, guy.
05:39When you tell kids their parents are dead, you're supposed to be nice.
05:42I was nice.
05:43I said a knock-knock joke, and I tried to explain it with goldfish.
05:46But, guy, you're supposed to be sincere.
05:48You're supposed to say things like, I'm so sorry for your loss.
05:51You know, stuff like that.
05:52But that's just going to make them sad.
05:53I figured if I say it funny, maybe it won't hurt so much.
05:56Well, listen, guy, I'm suspending you.
05:58Suspending me?
05:59Yeah, with a killer on the loose?
06:00That's really smart.
06:01You know, I'm the only cop left now that Simmons is dead.
06:03Well, still, guy, I'm suspending you for two weeks with pay.
06:06Wait, with pay?
06:08Are you sure that's a punishment?
06:09That sounds like a paid vacation.
06:10I gotta yell at kids more often.
06:13So Tyrone, Cody's asleep.
06:15You know what that means.
06:16Ooh, I already know, baby.
06:18We get high as fuck!
06:20Damn right, pull out the fatty.
06:21Ooh, I already got it rolled up.
06:23A gorilla fader.
06:24Somebody call Tarzan, because we're about to go ape shit.
06:27Yeah, baby.
06:28Go ahead and get a lot of your crazy crack ass!
06:30Shit, hold on.
06:32We about to get lit, baby.
06:33All aboard the Polar Express, because I know that guy was high as fuck.
06:37Yeah, zooted and booted.
06:41Oh, shit.
06:42Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
06:47Here's some good shit!
06:49I thought he had weak lungs for a second.
06:51You know, I thought you were going to kill us, but you're cool as fuck.
06:54Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.
06:55I wouldn't kill you guys.
06:56You guys are my homies.
06:58Ah, yeah, he cool as hell.
06:59He invites some cookout.
07:00Hey, do you guys have a bottle of water?
07:02Bottle of water?
07:03Ha, ha, you're first ass, old pussy!
07:05No, you're a pussy.
07:06Nah, you're a pussy.
07:07I am what I need.
07:09Is that so?
07:11Ah, freak ass.
07:12Hey, hey, hey, you guys want to have a little fun?
07:14What, a little fun?
07:15Yeah, let's do some prank calls.
07:17Ooh, yeah, let's do prank calls.
07:19Yeah.
07:19All right, prank calls.
07:21All right, guys, it's me.
07:25Hello?
07:25Hello.
07:28Who's this?
07:29Hey, is your refrigerator running?
07:33I mean, it's on.
07:34Well, you better go catch it.
07:38Who is this?
07:40Bitch.
07:43No, seriously, like, what's the point of this phone call?
07:45Hey, what's your favorite scary movie?
07:48Um, I don't really like watching a scary movie.
07:51Oh, okay, that's chill.
07:52That's chill.
07:53So, how's your night going?
07:54Oh, you know, it's going pretty good.
07:56Just chillin'.
07:57Killin'.
07:58Yeah, I get that.
07:59Well, I'm going to hang up now.
08:02Okay, bye.
08:04Hey, guys.
08:05You know what would be really funny?
08:06What's that?
08:07What?
08:07If I went over there and killed him.
08:09Ah, yeah, do it, do it, do it.
08:10You got to do it.
08:12If I literally went over there and killed him.
08:14Yeah, do it.
08:15He's going to kill him.
08:15Come on, come on, come on.
08:16You guys think I should kill him?
08:17Yeah, go kill him.
08:18Yeah, you got to kill him.
08:19Come on.
08:19You guys dare me?
08:20Yeah, I dare you.
08:21Kill him.
08:21Kill Zan.
08:22Devil Dog dare you.
08:22Yeah, Devil Dog can't kill Zan.
08:24I'm going to do it.
08:24I'm going to do it.
08:25Yeah, kill Zan.
08:26Do it, do it, do it, do it.
08:27He's going to kill him.
08:27Oh, murder.
08:28Hey there, Marvin.
08:29Oh, what are you doing here?
08:29Wow, okay, nice to see you too.
08:31No, I just meant like, what are you doing here?
08:33I just thought I would come over and hang out with my best friend.
08:35Unless this is your way of saying we're not best friends.
08:37Oh, no, we are friends.
08:38I just want to know what made you come over right now.
08:41Why are you busy?
08:41You don't look busy.
08:42I've never seen you be busy.
08:43Well, I just want to know what made you come over.
08:45Why, do you have other friends coming?
08:47No, how was your day?
08:49Thank you so much for asking.
08:50Well, I actually got suspended from my police job with pay.
08:52What'd you do?
08:53Well, I told these two kids their parents were dead, but I did it in a funny way.
08:56How were their parents dead?
08:58They were brutally stabbed to death.
08:59How was that funny?
09:00Oh, no, no, it's not funny.
09:01The way their parents died wasn't funny, but the way I told the kids the parents died was funny.
09:05How'd you tell them?
09:06Well, it's a whole thing.
09:07You wouldn't understand.
09:08It involves goldfish and a knock-knock joke.
09:10Okay.
09:10Well, I just figured since I have all this free time, we could hang out, you know.
09:13It's October.
09:14We could go do something fun.
09:15You know, go get a pumpkin Marvin.
09:16Go to a pumpkin patch Marvin.
09:17Go get a pumpkin from a pumpkin patch Marvin.
09:19No, I don't want to go to a pumpkin patch and get a pumpkin.
09:21I'd rather do that in the daytime.
09:22Oh, okay.
09:23Who is that?
09:24I don't know.
09:25But you said you didn't have other friends coming, so you better not have invited other
09:29friends.
09:29I don't want to have to hang out with other people and I don't know them.
09:31It'll be really awkward.
09:32I said there's no friends coming, so that's not a friend.
09:34Okay, so then can I go tell them to go away?
09:35Well, what if it's someone important?
09:37Well, you just said you didn't invite other friends, so it can't be somebody important.
09:39Well, it could be...
09:40Okay, fine.
09:41Go answer it.
09:42Oh, we're going to go get a pumpkin.
09:44No, no, no, we're not getting a pumpkin.
09:45Not right now.
09:46Maybe tomorrow.
09:55Oh, I can't break up college buddies.
10:01You drink?
10:03Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
10:06Oh, Marvin, this guy drinks like a fish.
10:09He's fucking awesome.
10:10Fuck yeah.
10:11I'm boofing it.
10:12Jeffy is definitely not 21 and I don't give a shit.
10:15Fuck yeah.
10:16Hey, guys, can I be honest with you guys?
10:19Yeah, sure, man.
10:20Fuck yeah.
10:20I was originally supposed to come over here to kill him.
10:25What?
10:25Fuck yeah.
10:26Yeah, but I'm not going to do it.
10:28You guys are way too cool.
10:30Yeah, my man.
10:31Fuck yeah.
10:32Marvin, you just keep saying fuck yeah.
10:34You okay, buddy?
10:35Fuck yeah.
10:35All right.
10:36All right, but if anyone asks, if anyone asks, I killed you.
10:41All right, you got it, buddy.
10:43Fuck yeah.
10:44Yeah, fuck yeah.
10:45Yeah.
10:46Hey, buddy, one question.
10:48Who are you?
10:52Charlie and friends was filmed in front of a live audience.
10:56I never would have guessed.
10:57Fuck yeah.
10:59Fuck yeah.
10:59Fuck yeah.
11:03Fuck yeah.
11:04Fuck yeah.
11:06Fuck yeah.
11:07Fuck yeah.
11:08Fuck yeah.
11:08Fuck yeah.
11:09Fuck yeah.
11:09Fuck yeah.