- 11 hours ago
CTP (S4EOctSpecial4) How A Dark Fantasy Novel Turns Pain Into Meaning
We talk with Justin Anderson about turning grief, trauma, and stigma into a dark fantasy mythology that takes mental health seriously. We trace how Shadow Sword uses story as externalization when direct vulnerability feels impossible.
• Justin’s Indiana roots and building a family life with trade-offs
• COVID-era parenting and the strange pressures of lockdown life
• Losing a grandmother to cancer and getting stuck in anger
• Male stereotypes around crying and vulnerability and how they block grief
• The “two doors of grief” and writing as externalization
• Shadow Sword and a magic system shaped by mental health and trauma
• Critiques of how media treats mental illness as a plot device
• Stigma around labels like PTSD and schizophrenia and why language matters
• Normalizing racism as trauma and unlearning what felt “normal”
• Rejecting rigid writing formulas while respecting craft
• Where to find the books and folklore at vaelorinverse.com under Jay Vaelorin
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We talk with Justin Anderson about turning grief, trauma, and stigma into a dark fantasy mythology that takes mental health seriously. We trace how Shadow Sword uses story as externalization when direct vulnerability feels impossible.
• Justin’s Indiana roots and building a family life with trade-offs
• COVID-era parenting and the strange pressures of lockdown life
• Losing a grandmother to cancer and getting stuck in anger
• Male stereotypes around crying and vulnerability and how they block grief
• The “two doors of grief” and writing as externalization
• Shadow Sword and a magic system shaped by mental health and trauma
• Critiques of how media treats mental illness as a plot device
• Stigma around labels like PTSD and schizophrenia and why language matters
• Normalizing racism as trauma and unlearning what felt “normal”
• Rejecting rigid writing formulas while respecting craft
• Where to find the books and folklore at vaelorinverse.com under Jay Vaelorin
SEND US FEEDBACK: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2210487/fan_mail/new
https://tinyurl.com/SubscribeToCTP
CTP Audios: https://tinyurl.com/CTPonBuzzsprout
CTP Videos: https://tinyurl.com/CTPonBITCHUTE
https://tinyurl.com/CTPgear
https://tinyurl.com/JLenardDetroitGear
AI images/videos/audio CTP uses: https://tinyurl.com/GalaxyMagicaAI
https://www.buymeacoffee.com/jlenarddetroit
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NewsTranscript
00:00Hello, welcome to another episode of Perstitutionalist Podcast.
00:06I am your host, Joseph M. Leonard.
00:09That's L-E-N-A-R-D.
00:12It looks French.
00:13It's not.
00:14It's Leonard without an O.
00:17Thank you for tuning in, as Graham Norton used to say, on his show.
00:24Let's get on with the show!
00:25So, joining me today is Justin Anderson.
00:32He is an author, and as I wrote to him, most of my audience know I use Podmatch to connect
00:42with guests for the show.
00:44And I said to him, as they say, write about what you know.
00:48That doesn't mean necessarily writing a memoir.
00:51Or, fictionalizing can often help others relate.
00:56So, would love to speak with you about the, quote,
01:00I'm not a therapist.
01:02I'm not a motivational speaker.
01:05I'm a network engineer and father who accidentally built a dark fantasy mythology from personal pain.
01:14So, indeed, you wrote about, you fictionalized what you knew.
01:21But before we get into that, where were you born and raised and that sort of stuff?
01:27Yes.
01:28So, thank you for having me.
01:30So, I was born in Muncie, well, born in Anderson, Indiana.
01:36I live in Muncie now, which is about 30 minutes from Anderson.
01:40So, you're Anderson from Anderson.
01:44Yes.
01:46I always got that, or I got Mr. Anderson when the Matrix was popular.
01:52Of course.
01:53Yes, of course.
01:54There would be that.
01:55Yes.
01:56You don't have the right set of sunglasses, though.
02:03But, yes, so I was born, like I said, in Anderson and grew up pretty much my whole life.
02:10I actually only moved to Muncie because where my wife originally lived and where I lived in Anderson, Muncie was
02:18like the midway point.
02:19And so, between our families, it was a midway point so the children could see the grandparents and everybody could
02:30spend time evenly.
02:31And it wasn't, you know, easier for one family or the other.
02:35So, that's kind of what made me move.
02:37And at the time, I worked at the university, so it was closer for me to drive.
02:45And everything worked out until, you know, I ended up switching jobs.
02:50But still, I enjoy it here.
02:52It's pretty nice, pretty quiet.
02:54And, again, well, I guess the kids don't exactly like it because they want to be closer to Grimmie.
03:05They'd rather be over there than be at home sometimes because they get schooled.
03:10Of course.
03:14Every place has its pros.
03:17Every place has its cons, of course.
03:20There's always trade-offs involved.
03:23Yes.
03:26I completely agree on that.
03:29And that was also a stipulation by my wife.
03:32She did not want to be in a city.
03:35So, even though we may live where there's a city, we live further out away from, you know, all the
03:42hoopla, kind of close to the country, but not quite in the country.
03:48Still a close enough drive to the action.
03:53Correct.
03:54And that was my stipulation because where she originally lived, the closest store was a Dollar General.
04:00And if you were going to anything else, it was like a half hour, 40 minutes plus to go to
04:08Walmart, Payless, Kroger, anything.
04:12And I was like, yeah, I'm not feeling that.
04:17Right, it's nice to be able to hop in the car five minutes, one direction or another, most of what
04:27you need is available, yeah?
04:30Exactly.
04:31And that was my stipulation.
04:34I was like, I don't want to be that far out to where everything is like a road trip just
04:39to go get the simplest of things.
04:43And, of course, you learn to adapt some.
04:47You stock up on some things so you don't have to make bunches of trips and things like that, yes?
04:57Agreed.
04:58And that was kind of the interesting shift when COVID happened was, you know, we couldn't go out.
05:06So, while I enjoyed cooking, I realized how easy it was to make most things really at home and, like,
05:15just simply making, like, Italian sausage from regular sausage or different things like that.
05:22I was like, man, why have I been buying this when I could have just been making this my own
05:26self?
05:29Because it's easier the other way.
05:33That is true.
05:34That is true.
05:35Yeah.
05:35And that's part of human nature.
05:40Be lazy when and where we can.
05:43That's just, you know, we all have that streak in us, yes?
05:49Yeah.
05:50And that's kind of where it took some time.
05:54And as I started learning to make more, it's like, okay, maybe I can make more at home and save
06:01some money.
06:02And you start kind of looking at, you know, because we had our youngest during COVID.
06:08So, then you start looking at, okay, how can I save money?
06:11Because children are expensive.
06:16That's for sure.
06:18Exactly.
06:19A newborn through the COVID years.
06:23Well, that sounds not a lot of fun.
06:28No, I mean, I got lucky because he was, he really is a great, like, kid.
06:36Like, most kids, you know, they talk about crying or waking you up.
06:40He was quite, he was more patient as a infant and toddler than he is at six years.
06:47Like, he wouldn't wake you up.
06:49He'll come in the room.
06:51He'll play with his toys and wait for you to wake up.
06:53It was almost scary sometimes.
06:55If you wake up, you look at the baby monitor and it's like, oh, my gosh, where is he?
06:59And he's right there just playing quietly by you until you wake up.
07:04And it's like, okay.
07:06And even when he was an infant, when he would wake up, he wouldn't cry normally.
07:11He would just sit in the bed and play with his feet or hands until you came and got him.
07:16So, it was, like, weird.
07:19But it was really nice at the same time because it wasn't, you didn't feel like you were just trapped
07:26with a streaming infant like how I imagined it was going to be.
07:33And I loved it.
07:35But, you know, being a parent and being able to spend time with him.
07:39And the only thing that really sucked was during COVID, I was able to go to, like, the first half
07:47of doctor appointments, you know, ultrasounds and things.
07:52But then as time moved on, I couldn't go to any of them because, you know, she was only one
07:59allowed to go and different complications like that.
08:03So, that sucked.
08:03Yeah, right.
08:05All the extra COVID paranoia precautions.
08:10Yeah, that complicated it.
08:14Well, I don't want to probe too much, but it's in your profile.
08:21What indeed was this personal pain that you were then later to channel?
08:29What brought that about and what was it?
08:33So, the personal pain really stemmed from two things and the way that the writing kind of grew from it
08:46was kind of a twofold.
08:48So, the first portion was my grandmother, she passed away from cancer when I was in, she got, she was
09:00diagnosed midway through my 10th grade year and she passed away the first semester of my 12th grade year.
09:12And she was my first real loss.
09:17And, you know, I've had other family members pass away and things.
09:20But no one that was in my immediate circle family that I've seen on a daily basis.
09:30So, it was very different losing her and, you know, I grew up in a time where the stereotype for
09:40males were still being perpetuated of you can't be vulnerable.
09:44You can't cry, you can't cry, you got to be tough all the time and it made it really hard
09:52to understand what to do with those emotions because this was the first time I was feeling them so heavily.
10:00You know, feeling that sadness and wanting to cry and vulnerable and feel like I want to talk to someone.
10:13So, that was, you know, the first thing that happened and it affected me in ways that I didn't understand
10:22at the time.
10:28You were kind of stuck in the, from the shock, denial, anger, acceptance phases, you were kind of stuck in
10:36that anger phase.
10:39Exactly. And the stereotypes that males, how we are supposed to be, didn't help because when I would try to
10:48grieve, you know, when I would want to cry, I would just get mad because that was okay.
10:55That was acceptable for males to be angry, but crying and being vulnerable wasn't.
11:02So, I felt myself being just angry all the time and it really did harm my ability to express it
11:14because I would write poetry, I would write songs, I would write different things and I went through a long
11:20stint of writer's block because of that.
11:26So, I thought I was dealing with grief and I really wasn't.
11:30Yeah. So, you weren't able to express it onto a page for a while because of the block.
11:38So, it added additional internal pressures because you weren't able to vent it a little bit.
11:46Correct. And it was some things that I learned later on.
11:51So, during that time, I realized I wasn't ready for therapy.
11:57I wasn't really ready for, you know, support groups or different things.
12:03And I didn't understand why back then, why those things didn't appeal to me, why they were something that I
12:13felt myself wanting to avoid.
12:16And, you know, we fast forward 18 years later, while I thought I dealt with everything and I decided to
12:28write a story just kind of as a side hustle, you know, something simple, four friends, four swords, say the
12:35evil villain and move on.
12:37And I started writing and all this emotion and things that I didn't deal with back then started to come
12:46out and it really transformed my story.
12:49And I learned a lot about myself over this phase because I learned what I like to say is kind
13:01of like the two doors of grief.
13:03And there's an eye door, which it's a door originally I was trying to enter and why I didn't think
13:11therapy would help or support groups would help because a lot of times it's about I feel sad, I'm hurting,
13:20I'm, you know, miserable.
13:22And it's a lot of talking about yourself, you know, explaining how you feel.
13:29And I wasn't capable of doing that at the time.
13:33What I ended up learning was what I would call the EDOR externalization.
13:38And that's where this writing, this story helped because I was able to write characters that felt like I felt
13:47on the inside.
13:50And when reading, you know, reading my work back, I'm like, okay, that's what I'm feeling.
13:58And I could see this was what was inside of me that was needing to come out and that didn't
14:05get the chance to come out back then.
14:07And that's where I really started to lean into that to not only understand myself more, but to build something
14:17that understood other people that well.
14:20Where did this story, beyond the internal things that you put into it, the overall general fantasy aspect of the
14:31story, was that something that just kind of hung around in the back of your mind for a long time?
14:38You thought of it, you don't even remember when, but then was finally the time to write about it?
14:45Or like I say, my books come to me in a dream, and then I present the dream to people,
14:54share the dream to people.
14:56How did it present to you?
15:02So, the title Shadow Sword was something that I kind of like wrote throughout my life.
15:12Like when I first started writing, it was kind of based off of, what was it, the Ronin Warriors and
15:22kind of like the Power Rangers, like where they had the friends and then, you know, everybody had the magical
15:26power.
15:27So, it was something that I like wrote, rewrote, wrote, rewrote, like years and years.
15:35And that was originally why the whole Four Friends, Four Swords, that's why I fell back on that.
15:43But the grief, what it ended up doing is taking that context and making it, I guess you could say,
15:56more universal and more grounded.
15:59It didn't remove the fantasy.
16:02Instead of what it did with the fantasy, it took something, it made it like a translation layer for mental
16:12health.
16:13And so, my magic system went from magic, fire, just fire and energy to mental health being the core of
16:24the system.
16:25And depending on how you handle your mental health depends on the impact that it has on your ability to
16:37use magic and how it reacts with things.
16:40So, if you're someone who maybe went through a traumatic experience where you're suffering from survivor's guilt, you know, suppressing
16:51that urge of feeling guilty and trying to avoid it and doing things that would harm your mental health in
17:01real life will fray your threads.
17:05And your thread is your soul, so if your threads start to fray, then it starts to affect your magic
17:12and it makes you more susceptible to the attacks of the hollowborn in my world.
17:20And if you handle your mental health in a positive manner, and that doesn't mean just like going to therapy,
17:29but, you know, understanding what happened, you know, wasn't just like, okay, I survived this, this is my fault, I'm
17:38feeling guilty.
17:39But understanding, okay, I survived this, why am I feeling guilty, kind of doing the work of understanding what is
17:48making you feel this way, how to handle this, you know, talking to friends, talking to people, finding a support
17:56system.
17:57Yeah.
17:57Your thread will, yep, go ahead.
18:00I just dropped, it's rolling off the screen now, Roller Coaster's the Life Kind, my fifth book in my Life
18:08and Living series about loss.
18:12And indeed, with loss, there isn't usually just the grief, there's regret and guilt.
18:20Yes.
18:21Do you use the word guilt, I believe, I heard you say it, right?
18:25So there's all these related sub-things that get mixed in there.
18:34Exactly.
18:35And a lot of people don't understand, you know, that.
18:41They just see or feel the heaviest one and they're not understanding, okay, I've gotten past this one, but why
18:51am I still feeling this way?
18:53And that's kind of where I'm hoping my story as it grows will help because the way that I describe
19:02it would be the world building would be like the body if you were looking at a human.
19:08So you're looking at the world building, you're looking at a very rich world.
19:13There's 12 sanctums.
19:14They all have their own philosophy, doctrines, their beliefs, and the way that they interact with the world around them.
19:23And then mental health would be like the underclothes.
19:26So my characters do have mental illnesses.
19:29And one of the biggest things I wanted to avoid was how you see mental illness portrayed in media.
19:38And that's whether that's novels, video games, TV shows, and where someone has a mental illness or has something traumatic
19:48happen.
19:48And it's like, okay, it moves the plot, it moves the plot.
19:51Like, okay, now it's just disappeared.
19:54And it makes people feel like...
19:57Yeah, it doesn't magically go away.
20:01You have to do something to work through it.
20:06Absolutely.
20:08Yes.
20:09And that's the biggest problem I've had with movies.
20:13It's like, oh, man, this has really affected this person.
20:16You know, you get into it, and then by the end of it, it's like, life goes on.
20:21There's no remnants of this traumatic event, and everything is perfect.
20:25It's like, wait a minute, wait.
20:27This ain't how this works.
20:28But it makes you feel like it is.
20:31So then when you go through that in real life, you're confused when you're just not magically better.
20:39And now you feel like you're broken, like you're at fault, and it reinforces those negative emotions and those dark
20:47thoughts.
20:48And this is where I wanted to build a story where the mental health is a constant balancing act.
20:58They're never good, like just perfect, and it goes away.
21:03But they're also, it's like, yeah, they're bad at points, and it affects them, but they're having to do something
21:09to keep it, you know, balanced in that middle where they need it to be.
21:14And that was the core of it.
21:16And then the dark fantasy is like the outfit.
21:20So you see dark fantasy when you come there, and you're like, oh, this is a dark fantasy.
21:25And it reads like a dark fantasy.
21:27But if you go back and you look at the layers more deeply, then you're like, okay, they're dealing with
21:34mental illness.
21:35This person is dealing with abandonment issues.
21:38This one survivor's guilt.
21:40This one PTSD.
21:42And it helps you understand what other people deal with on a more deeper level as well.
21:49Right, because especially like in my Terror Strikes book, I deal with survivor's guilt and PTSD.
21:59People generally think when they hear the term PTSD, shell shock.
22:05And that is a much broader, encompassing definition of many things and different kinds of trauma that cause a similar
22:21kind of dysfunction.
22:23I almost hate to call it dysfunction, but it is.
22:29I mean, it's not something we want.
22:32So it would be an abnormality, something we're not wanting.
22:37We would prefer a different kind of a normal.
22:43Yeah.
22:45And that's the other portion of my story that where the difference in the language came from for me.
22:55Because even, you know, right there, we're very sensitive to the terms we use because of how society has stigma.
23:05You know, they put stigmas on different words.
23:07And it's like, you know, like you said, abnormality is like, well, that makes it sound this way or that
23:14makes it sound that way.
23:15And we try to avoid things.
23:17And this has been kind of the thing that I've seen amongst people when talking about mental health.
23:25It's like, if I came to you and I was like, man, I'm feeling sad today.
23:31Well, that's today's modern political correctness, too, I dare say, right?
23:37It's nicer to say a disruption of normal than abnormal, right?
23:46Oh, let's sugarcoat it.
23:49Well, if you sugarcoat it too much, you're not dealing with the root of the problem either.
23:56Yes, exactly.
23:58And that's where sugarcoating and glossing over.
24:03You've got to be careful that the tone trap.
24:06Yeah, exactly.
24:08And, you know, when people hear certain terms, they get up in arms to the point where, again, they don't
24:17deal with the actual problem.
24:19You know, they kind of try to sanitize the way that they what they have, even when it comes to
24:27therapy and things.
24:28So it's a really, really fine line to walk.
24:32It's like, okay, well, I have, let's say if I had a bipolar, you know, I'm bipolar with, you know,
24:40schizoaffective manic episodes.
24:44Well, I don't like the way that sounds because if I tell people outside of mental health their psychology or
24:51who.
24:51They hear schizo when they think, oh, schizophrenic.
24:56Yeah.
24:57Oh, they're crazy.
24:58Yeah, I've got a song.
25:01I'm going to make myself a note so I can tack it on to the end of this episode.
25:07Play on, I like, I've got episodes talk about we all have a certain degree of schizophrenia, non-medical schizophrenia,
25:22I call it, right?
25:24It makes our personality.
25:27We're more than one thing.
25:29We have good days, bad days, up days, down days.
25:33We have days where we're funny.
25:35We have days where we're sad.
25:37Those aren't clinical schizophrenia, but you can kind of understand it in those terms.
25:46But it's a controlled, non-medical, non-problematic schizophrenia.
25:54And I wrote a song called Schiznophrinia.
26:00You know, I don't have voices in my hands.
26:03I've got no friends.
26:05I've got Schiznophrinia.
26:07Yeah.
26:09As kind of a play on that.
26:11I'm going to write that down so I can try to remember to include that on the end there.
26:18Anyway.
26:20I think you know what I mean, though.
26:23Yes.
26:24Yes.
26:25Yes.
26:25And that's like the way that you're using that is a way that I feel can help people feel more
26:32comfortable with talking about it.
26:34Because, again, you hear it and you've seen it on, you know, media.
26:39And normally anyone with schizophrenia.
26:41Oh, my God.
26:42He's going to snap.
26:43Right?
26:44Exactly.
26:44He's going to go postal.
26:46Right?
26:47Yep.
26:47Immediately they think crazy.
26:49And it's like, that's not how this works.
26:52No, this is not what this mental illness does.
26:59But people see that.
27:02So now there's a stigma.
27:03So now I feel I can't be honest with you about it.
27:08Yeah.
27:09Even if you were a therapist.
27:10Out of the fear of most jumping to the most drastic of potential conclusions.
27:17Correct.
27:19And it's harmful.
27:20So when I this is where the underclose for the mental illness came, it's like, OK, well, I know I
27:29can't talk about this in a overt way.
27:32But if I make you feel what these characters have and then someone can relate to this and they tell
27:40you, oh, did you what you think about this character?
27:44Well, yeah, I like them.
27:45They had this.
27:46They had that.
27:46I did notice that they avoided touching things with this particular hand in the story or something.
27:53And then they can say, yes, have you ever noticed this about me or this person?
28:00And now this door is open to have this conversation safely.
28:04Yeah, sometimes little ticks like in my latest roller coasters and it's just how convenient it just happens to be
28:14the cover rolling on the screen for those viewing behind the scenes in the video conveniently at the time.
28:22My character deals with ADHD, OCD, bipolarism and blend.
28:28And so I try to broach that mental aspect, too, because when people think or hear OCD, what immediately comes
28:42to mind is, oh, Howie Mandel and germophobia.
28:47Well, that's not all that it is.
28:49And it's a spectrum.
28:52It can be a little of this or it could be a lot of that or it could be something
28:58between.
28:59And as I said, ADHD and OCD are not mutually exclusive.
29:05It can be a bipolarism of the two.
29:08I deal with that myself.
29:10So I finally decided, yeah, let's address it in a book.
29:16Because indeed, at times, it's not early onset dementia.
29:20It's the ADHD not able to hang on to a thought.
29:26And at other times, it's the OCD obsessing and not able to move on from a thought.
29:35And see, that's important to say because some people may sit there and be like, oh, well, I'm getting an
29:42early onset dementia.
29:44And it's like, well, no, wait a minute.
29:45This could be something else.
29:47Did you know that you had ADHD?
29:49Well, yeah, but it, well, hold on, you know.
29:53And it's like explaining that and helping people understand.
29:59And to kind of wrap and tie everything back.
30:02So it really just kind of formed itself.
30:07My writing formed itself from there.
30:09And I think a lot of it did it more naturally because my mother worked as a case manager in
30:17a mental health facility for 30 plus years.
30:20Back to the top of what I said, right about what you know.
30:23Like my The Book of Kennedy, which is just rolling off the screen there, Project Carpenter.
30:30I'm not a 20-something female, but I know people.
30:35I talk to people.
30:37I can relate to them.
30:38And I can fictionalize relative things of modern society and them trying to navigate it in ways others can understand
30:49it too.
30:50So not only write about what you know, but what you can garner from other people as you learned from
30:59your mother.
31:01Yep, and I didn't even realize I absorbed so much.
31:06It was really funny.
31:08It's like I didn't realize that I knew I paid attention because I just found interest in mental health, in
31:17psychology, just how the brain works.
31:19But I didn't realize that there was so much of herself and her job embedded in me until I was
31:29going through writing this and a narrative therapist, we were talking and she realized that my work aligns pretty well
31:40with narrative therapy and was wondering if I studied it or if I did it on purpose.
31:46And I was like, no, I was like, it's what I've seen and what my mom talked about.
31:53So I wrote real people.
31:56I'm not trying to fit a character into a box or a particular scene.
32:03It's a real person.
32:04And this is how real people interact in my mind and what I've seen and what I've observed.
32:11And this is the way that I write my stories, you know?
32:15Yeah, well, here goes my OCD brain.
32:18What popped in it is now, or ADHD part of it.
32:24Your mileage may vary as the joke goes, right?
32:29Correct.
32:32That is true.
32:33And that's also something I've been learning about myself where, and this ties into kind of the second part that
32:43played into building the story even deeper.
32:48I grew up in an area where I was one of three minorities.
32:54So I dealt with a lot of racism.
32:55I dealt with a lot of ostracism, being blamed for things, and a lot of just negativity overall.
33:04And I didn't realize how you can normalize trauma to the point where you don't think it's trauma.
33:14It becomes, well, this is just how the neighborhood is, or this is just how that person is.
33:19Well, this person is being, you know, abusive to you, or the environment is bad.
33:25And this isn't normal.
33:27This is a subset of an abnormality that most people won't deal with.
33:33And you just think it is normal, or you tell yourself it's normal because it's how you survive.
33:41And it's led to me doing that, you know, over my life until I was trying to join a writing
33:49group.
33:50And I've been writing for 20 plus years.
33:52Like I said, I've been rewriting the same things, different things.
33:56But I never, you know, looked at like the whole MFA, how you write, you know.
34:03I personally say quotes, how you write correctly, and you have to do this, and kill all the adverbs, and
34:12don't you kill someone on page one.
34:15Yeah, AP, Chicago, Oxford, writing style guides, and accepted norms of society that stories have these formulaic things in them.
34:29I'm very much anti-formulaic.
34:32I hate formula writing.
34:34I try to avoid it like the plague.
34:37But at the same time, I recognize people are used to, well, there's the beginning, there's the middle, the end,
34:47and there's transitions between them.
34:49But you can't completely throw out all the rules.
34:54Correct.
34:56And I normally try to be careful.
35:00So the fact that we're on the same page makes it easier.
35:03Because I'm not against it, but I hate when people try to push things on you.
35:09There goes my brain again.
35:11On the same page.
35:12Frankly, I don't even think we're in the same book.
35:15It's a joke, people.
35:17It's a joke.
35:20On the same page.
35:22Yes, pun intended, he meant.
35:25Anyway, speaking of breaking the rules, I've already broken the rules several times that I haven't mentioned your name enough.
35:35With me is Justin Anderson.
35:39It'll, of course, be in post on the video in a scrawl.
35:44But for the benefit of those who might be reading in a transcript, it's J-U-S-T-I-N
35:52-A-N-D-E-R-S-O-N.
35:56Yes?
35:57Correct.
35:58Okay.
35:59So now that's read properly into this transcript.
36:03And what is the book title?
36:06We haven't said that enough.
36:08Shadow Sword.
36:10Okay.
36:12And I'm sure there's a joke there somewhere that's just not coming to me right now.
36:18It's like...
36:23These are the things that make things fun.
36:27Oh, you've got to keep a sense of humor, right?
36:31Or you'll go...
36:31Exactly.
36:33Right.
36:34Cypher's Hill.
36:35Insane in the membrane.
36:39And this is where I love writing.
36:42I love these dialogues because they're natural.
36:46And, again, I'm not against, you know, people who use formulas.
36:53But it may not work for everybody.
36:56And that's what I experienced was the formulas didn't work for me.
37:01It would break my writing because the way that I would structure things consciously and subconsciously, I found out.
37:12Things would be tied together in such a tight-knit way that didn't show when you just read page one.
37:20By the time you got to, like, page 10, it's like, oh, all this ties together.
37:24But if you look at it separate, it's just like, well, okay, I can follow it.
37:31It's good.
37:31But how does this actually tie together?
37:34Yeah, there's a market for everything.
37:37And not everyone will be everyone else's cup of tea.
37:41My writing style is different from yours, which is different from so-and-so over there and such-and-such.
37:48So if you're a fan of one writer, you may not be a fan of another writer.
37:54And that doesn't make any one writer necessarily more brilliant or necessarily better, except in your own preference set of
38:06mind.
38:07Yes?
38:08And, you know, time has flown by.
38:14So where can people find you?
38:18Do you have a website?
38:20Yes.
38:21My website is thelaurenverse.com.
38:25That's V-A-E-L-O-R-I-N-V-E-R-S-E.com.
38:35You can find a lot of my folk.
38:38Is that the fantasy world, Valoren?
38:42Or what's the origin of that?
38:45That phrase or that word doesn't ring any bell for me.
38:53Well, really, it came from a character.
38:58And then it also came from my author name, which is J. Valorn.
39:03And the character I made.
39:05Well, there's an important little detail we needed to share a little earlier, I think.
39:12So if they're looking for Shadow Sword by Justin Anderson, they ain't going to find it.
39:22Correct.
39:23It will be J. Valorn.
39:26Although I have done a pretty good job with SEL.
39:28So I'm going to have to test that to see if it actually pulls, because sometimes they'll pull J. Anderson
39:36or Justin Valor, and it still will tie.
39:40But that would be the best place to find me.
39:47And the book's available on Amazon, of course, and all that stuff.
39:55And my folklore that I write, which are just small little different stories of people who carry invisible weight, whether
40:07it's different occupations like first responders or just people in different jobs and things.
40:15Or it may take symptoms from my story and kind of just write about the weight that people carry.
40:22So there's a lot on the website.
40:26And briefly just answering where the name came from.
40:30It's actually because I got scammed out of my original name, which is a whole other story that we could
40:37do at one point.
40:39Well, there's always, yeah, it's like, I'm Joseph M. Leonard.
40:44It looks French.
40:46It's not Leonard.
40:47It's Leonard without an O.
40:49But there is a Joseph Leonard out of South Carolina who is also a Christian author.
40:55So I have to use my middle initial.
40:58You always, if, and you could see how to write a book and get it published, just coming across.
41:04In which I, if you're looking to write a book, you need to Google yourself and make sure there isn't
41:12some other doppelganger running around with the same name already using it as an author and whatnot.
41:19Well, I was lucky enough to not have that problem, but I was unlucky that the people I hired to
41:26originally build my website, register my domain name, and they're under them.
41:32Um, so I couldn't get it back.
41:36And it was like, well, so my website originally would have been just jvaloran.com for my author website.
41:44But after getting scammed and losing that domain, I'd use the Lauren verse as kind of a overarching, and it
41:53turned out to be good because it grew and it made something that wouldn't have been here otherwise.
41:59And it made something not just for me, but for other people.
42:03So I guess I appreciated the fact that I got scammed because it turned into so much more.
42:09Hey, silver lining, right?
42:11Like grass, half empty, half full.
42:15Try to find the silver lining.
42:18Well, thank you, Justin Anderson, for coming by.
42:21Appreciate it.
42:22Take care.
42:22God bless.
42:24You too.
42:25You too.
42:26You too.
42:37Ecclesiastes 10, 2 through 3.
42:40A wise man's heart is at his right hand, but a fool's heart at his left.
42:47Yeah, also.
42:48When he that is a fool walketh by the way, his wisdom faileth him.
42:54And he saith to everyone that he is a fool.
43:07We walk on two thin lines, fangs behind the smile.
43:13Soft hands, sharp instinct taught to tame the wild.
43:20You feel it in your pulse when pride starts talking loud.
43:27I know that hungry sound.
43:30It pulls you off the ground.
43:34But slow down, count to ten.
43:38Hear the crack before it bends.
43:41You got a mind.
43:43You got a plan.
43:45You got a plan.
43:45Don't let fire burn your hands.
43:49Inner animal, hold your ground.
43:53Inner animal, don't spin out.
43:56We're animals with feelings too.
43:59But don't let your heart rule your head, fool.
44:09I saw you bite the hook for one sweet empty dare.
44:16Won the fight in silence, then lost it in the stare.
44:23The mirror knows your name before the rage gets stressed.
44:29A little self-control can do more than the rest.
44:37So slow down, count to ten.
44:40Feel the weight of where you've been.
44:44Keep your nerve, keep your frame.
44:47Don't give your life to a flare of flame.
44:52Inner animal, hold your ground.
44:55Inner animal, don't spin out.
44:58We are animals with feelings too.
45:02But don't let your heart rule your head, fool.
45:15Not every bite is hunger.
45:18Not every spark is right.
45:21Sometimes the bravest answer is turning from a fight.
45:38Inner animal, hold your ground.
45:42Inner animal, don't spin out.
45:45We are animals with feelings too.
45:48Don't let your heart rule your head, fool.
45:53Inner animal, stay awake.
45:56Inner animal, don't break.
45:59We are animals with feelings too.
46:02Don't let your heart rule your head, fool.
46:34Inner animal, don't spin out.
46:36Not even any exist in my head
46:43Not like I don't try, but I can't seem to find
46:50Every door stays shut, every name fades out
47:00Leaves me in a state of dread, walking round with a heavy head
47:06I keep reaching out, but the room stays bare
47:15Schizophrenic, I'm not like that, I'm all quiet in my head
47:22Schizophrenic, no storm, no crack
47:24Just silence upstairs instead
47:28I keep it all in
47:31I keep it all in
47:35I'm not schizophrenic, exactly the opposite
47:41No voices in the hall
47:44No monsters on the wall
47:49Just me and the clock and the same old ache
47:53Trying to act okay when my chest feels fake
47:57Leaves me in a state of dread, walking round with a heavy head
48:03I keep reaching out, but the room stays bare
48:10Schizophrenic, I'm not like that
48:12I'm all quiet in my head
48:16Schizophrenic, no frenzy, no storm, no crack
48:20Just silence upstairs instead
48:23I keep it all in
48:26I keep it all in
48:45If you see me slip, don't call me cold
48:49I'm just running on a borrowed hold
48:52Give me one small sign, one real reply
48:55I don't need a crowd, just one that's mine
49:03Schizophrenic, I'm not like that
49:05I'm all quiet in my head
49:08I'm all quiet in my head
49:09Schizophrenic, no friend
49:10Not even online, also there I lack
49:13Just silence upstairs instead
49:15I keep it all in
49:19I keep it all in
49:22Hello
49:25It's a beautiful day to say you're a friend
49:29Won't you be my friend, neighbor?
50:12Toxic empathy
50:14You wear it like a badge
50:18No, no sympathy
50:20Supposed to be gentle, not a sledge
50:24Do not let your heart rule your head tonight
50:29I watched it start to bend
50:32Then it lost the fight
50:35Slippery slope sliding
50:38Right under our feet
50:41One small lie, one small look
50:44And the whole thing slips too deep
50:47We said it was fine, we said it was clean
50:50Then the line got blurred and the edges turned green
50:53Slippery slope
50:55Slippery slope
50:58We fall so slow
51:01We fall so slow
51:05Society allows it
51:08Then it becomes the ghost
51:10Slippery slope
51:12Slippery slope
51:15The Bible foretold it true
51:19About difference of me and you
51:23A wise man's heart is at his right hand
51:26But a fool's heart at his left
51:28When he that is a fool
51:30Walk it by the way wisdom fails
51:33And said to everyone they're a fool
51:36A woke fool
51:38Don't let that be you too
51:51Toxic empathy
51:53Toxic empathy
51:53It smiles with sharpened teeth
51:56You call it being kind
51:59I call it a rod beneath
52:01I call it a rod beneath
52:02No, no, no sympathy
52:04When the damage starts to show
52:07The little things we part in
52:11Are the things that grow
52:13Society allowing every crack in the wall
52:17Till the room fills up with the sound of the fall
52:20We said it was fine, we said it was safe
52:23Now the fall line hums under every place
52:25Slippery slope
52:27Slippery slope
52:30Slippery slope
52:31We fall so slow
52:34We fall so slow
52:37Society allows it
52:40Then it becomes the ghost
52:43Slippery slope
52:44Slippery slope
52:47Slippery slope
53:00If we call it out now
53:02Maybe we can break the chain
53:05Before the soft excuse
53:08Turns into the stain
53:11One step
53:13One slip
53:14And the ledge
53:16Gets close
53:17We name it now, or we lose the most
53:37Slippery slope, slippery slope
53:42We fall so slow, we fall so slow
53:49Society allows it, then it becomes the ghost
53:54Slippery slope, slippery slope
54:12We need your help
54:14Thank you for having tuned into another
54:18Christitutionalist podcast show
54:21I really appreciate that you stopped by
54:25Again, please like, share, subscribe
54:28We need you to help spread the Christitutionalist movement
54:34Thank you again, take care
54:36God bless, love you all