00:00Happy Pride! Pride month is an incredible month where people all around the world
00:04celebrate the LGBTQ plus community with rainbows, parades, and parties. As a
00:10society we've come such a long way in accepting people of all identities and
00:14moving towards equality for all in both our culture and the law. But
00:18stereotyping and discrimination are still very real within the LGBTQ plus
00:23community. Today we're focusing on bisexuality as some people who identify
00:27as bi have felt the impact of those stereotypes. Where do these
00:31misconceptions come from and how can we put an end to them for good?
00:35Claire grew up in a very conservative small town but was able to explore
00:39sexuality when she left for college. Being a white, cis, able-bodied woman, how do you
00:46feel like that has shaped your experience being bi? A lot of my turmoil with it was
00:51internal and it was a lot of growing up in a relatively conservative community and
00:56you know it was a lot of shame, it was a lot of questioning, it was a lot of
01:02dismissive you know answers you'll grow out of it. Do you feel like you have to
01:05come out to people a lot when you meet them? That you have to say I'm bisexual?
01:09There was a point in time where I felt like I owed it to people but it was more
01:14of a normalizing it for myself so getting used to saying it you know over and
01:19over and it got to a point where my roommates were like we get it you like
01:22men and women you get twice as many dates as everyone else. How's it been going back to
01:26your small town of Oklahoma and having to re-establish or rebrand yourself to them?
01:32Unfortunately sometimes it takes knowing a member of a specific community to
01:37humanize it and to bring it to a personal level and all I can hope is that
01:41I do that for some of my family members and friends and make them see the
01:45humanity and the people of all of it. It's comforting to know that even if you
01:50don't think you have a community nearby at the end of the day acceptance really
01:54does come from yourself and that can be more validating than anything else.
01:58Luckily for Claire her family was pretty accepting of her sexuality but
02:02unfortunately that's not always the case. My friend Karina still struggles with
02:06conforming with who her family thinks she should be. A lot of my family and a lot
02:11of Latinx people don't really believe in bisexuality and if they do they
02:17definitely look down on it. People in my family will be like that's not a thing is
02:22it? Like how can that exist? How does that make you feel? It makes me laugh inside
02:27because I know that a lot of that is ignorance and a lot of that is them
02:31growing up in an environment where people don't come out of the closet.
02:36People don't express those parts of themselves. Do you ever feel like you're in
02:39limbo? Like you're in the middle of something? I think limbo at this point is part of
02:45my identity because I've always felt like I'm not gay enough, I'm not straight enough,
02:51I'm not Latina enough, I'm not woman enough. At some point you just gotta be like
02:56well this is me. After talking with Karina I realized that having any part of
03:01your identity question can be just as painful as being completely dismissed.
03:06Despite her confidence in who she is she still feels like that she has to prove
03:10to others that she's not exclusively attracted to men and Karina isn't alone in
03:15that feeling. My friend Joe feels a particular pressure to conform simply
03:19because of his gender. When a man says that they're bisexual it's either they're
03:22like closeted or just like confused. Sometimes I've had a hard time saying to
03:29a woman that I like that I'm bisexual because like I'm really afraid that
03:32that's gonna be a turnoff. Do you feel like LGBTQ groups aren't as accepting as
03:37bi men? People in general just want things to be black or white and that
03:42definitely is with like queer people too like if someone's just like gay or
03:47lesbian or trans it's like awesome like live your truth and then if you're like
03:52bi it's like oh like you're just curious and you're just like wanting to dabble your
04:01feet into this pool of queerness but like you're not actually one of us or
04:07something like that. Like do you often talk about do you often come out a lot do
04:11you like when you're on a date with someone or with your friends would you
04:14talk about being bi? Yeah it's like the stigma of bisexuality by like saying I'm
04:18bi I feel like other people are like thinking okay like he's not gonna accept
04:23that he's gay. It's like that stigma of bisexuality like particularly in men that
04:28like prevents me from like saying this thing. What would you say to someone who's
04:33grappling with their identity as a bi male like doesn't really know how to like
04:36accept themselves or come out their friends or family? Like why would you
04:40like spend your whole life trapped in fear of what other people think about you?
04:45Joe's struggle is not uncommon and demonstrates how important it is to have
04:49adequate communities and support systems for those that identify as bisexual.
04:54My friend Gabby grew up in a conservative black religious household. She took the
04:58initiative to use the internet as a resource to explore and educate herself
05:02about her sexuality. A key feature of people who are realizing they're bisexual
05:06is that they are they're always teetering between am I gay or am I straight? I guess
05:12the first thing that I thought was maybe I'm a lesbian so I looked that up and like
05:15the first thing that comes up is porn that's it it's just like XXX lesbian
05:19bang bust so that was unfortunate because it also made me feel like my
05:24identity was like something dirty I guess. At what point do you then talk to your
05:29parents about it or your friends or your family? A long time my mom was more the
05:36one who was like mourning I guess her image of what I was gonna be so she was
05:39mourning this picture of a wedding that was gonna have a guy and she had to keep
05:42bringing it up versus my dad was kind of like it means I don't have to worry about
05:46guys then that's kind of cool even though he still does like I think they're
05:49just they don't know enough about it to get it. Do you feel like you're more
05:54accepted within the straight community or within the LGBTQ plus community? Acceptance
05:59is really complicated so I don't think that there's even a way to compare
06:03because there are just differences in the ways each community treats me so with
06:08straight people I mean there's still that like disbelief there's this idea that
06:11it's a phase and that'll like come back to the straight side eventually a lot of
06:15like LGBTQ activism is about being born this way and bisexual people often just go
06:20against that narrative. So what would you say to someone who's young and who's
06:24grappling with this and doesn't have maybe a therapist doesn't even have the
06:27vocabulary to understand their sexuality what would you say to them? Sexuality is
06:31about your potential for attraction not your actual like lived experiences with
06:36other people you don't have to collect all those experiences for it to count.
06:39Gabby worked hard to unlearn the conventional narratives of what it means to
06:43be a woman in modern-day society. She grew to embrace her bisexual identity and now
06:48amplifies her experience with her work as a sex and relationships writer. Bisexuality
06:53still remains an overlooked and often misunderstood letter in the LGBTQ plus
06:57acronym. When people don't take others identity seriously they devalue a core part
07:02of them. The more we discriminate and dismiss the more we isolate and dehumanize
07:06our bi-peers. We are all human beings and no one should be boxed in by who
07:11they're attracted to. It's absolutely vital for us to take the time to
07:15understand bisexuality and to also unlearn the conventional labels that limit
07:19our perspectives. Thank you guys so much for watching. We'll see you next time.
