00:00You're cute, I'm cute.
00:01Let's get together.
00:02Grab life by the vagina, you know?
00:04Don't even grab it by the balls,
00:05because the vagina is stronger.
00:09When it comes to relationships and dating,
00:11someone has to make the first move.
00:13But are we conditioned to think it's the job
00:15of the more masculine personality type in a relationship?
00:18Let's find out.
00:19I feel mixed about women making the first move.
00:21I definitely do believe that it's a situational situation.
00:24I like to make the first move.
00:25Oh, I love when girls make the first move with me.
00:27I don't always make the first move,
00:29but I'm not opposed to it.
00:31I can't tell other women what to do,
00:32but me personally, I'm not making the first move.
00:36It's not gonna happen.
00:36You won't catch me doing it.
00:37That's all I wrote.
00:38I'm all for this whole equality and all that kind of crap,
00:42but like, I just don't think the gender roles
00:45need to be reversed when it comes to dating.
00:47I think a man should reach out.
00:49Yes, I do.
00:49I think a man should woo a woman.
00:51I'm very traditional in that sense.
00:53I do both making the first move
00:54and I wait to be moved in on.
00:58I'm a sophomore in high school and I think it is totally great.
01:02Why should we have to wait for a guy to come up to us
01:04if we want to go out with a guy?
01:06Who run the world?
01:07Girls.
01:0896% of millennial women identify their number one goal
01:11as being independent.
01:13I'm not surprised.
01:14So then why are we relying on guys to make the first move?
01:17I think when women make the first move,
01:19you're just cutting out all the bullshit.
01:20First of all, if you're not in a male-female relationship,
01:24then there isn't any sort of set historical standard
01:28for who's going to make the first move.
01:29Society has just set people up to think
01:31that men have to make the first move in a lot of relationships
01:34and that women should be submissive to that.
01:36Some guys might see a woman as being sexually assertive
01:39and misconstrue that as her being a slut, which is fucked up.
01:43It just always felt like if you were someone who knew exactly what you wanted
01:47and were assertive that guys were kind of scared of you.
01:49Maybe it's all the Disney movies and Lifetime movies.
01:51I don't know what it is that has created this mentality for me.
01:56You know, a lot of times black women are already seen as aggressive.
01:59You don't want to be too thirsty.
02:00You don't want to seem too pressed.
02:02You don't want to be a pressed patty, a pressed panini.
02:04Like, you don't want to do too much.
02:06I think I started really recognizing it in middle school and high school
02:09when you'd have dances.
02:10And there was the rare occurrence, like maybe in middle school,
02:12where you had the Sadie Hawkins dance where the girls asked the guy,
02:15which means that every other day I'm the guy asked the girl and makes the first move.
02:19As a teenage girl growing up in that society,
02:22we are really surrounded by being told how to make ourselves attractive to guys
02:26and how to make sure guys want to be attracted to us.
02:29The good news is that women are starting to take initiative when it comes to dating.
02:32When I started my own business, I got used to telling people
02:35what I wanted and needed in negotiations and around investment,
02:38and that began translating into my personal life.
02:40And then when I met my now husband, I had the words and the power and the cover to
02:45to tell him that I wanted to be with him.
02:47My story of how my husband and I got together is the ultimate,
02:50how am I going to tell my children this one day?
02:52We were at a party.
02:53I walked up to him and I said,
02:54I am going to hook up with you before I graduate.
02:57And he kind of just looked at me and said,
03:00okay.
03:00And then within a few weeks, we were going out on dates.
03:03And within a few months, we were boyfriend and girlfriend.
03:06And then we got married.
03:08If you're not one of those women,
03:10and don't worry, it can be tricky.
03:11Here are some tips for making that first move.
03:13When I'm the nervous one, I don't do it because I don't think it's going to go well.
03:17And I think I'm going to go home alone later and eat a pint of ice cream.
03:21But when they're nervous and they're sending you all the right signals,
03:24it's like, just move in and do it, you know, because they'll like it.
03:28We can go back to middle school and you can send a friend to talk to the guy.
03:32All adults have childlike tendencies, right?
03:34The friend will put the drop in like, yo, you know, she's feeling you a little bit.
03:37If you're feeling her, go ask her out.
03:39Then the guy will ask you out. And it's basically like you made the first move,
03:42even though he initiated. It's science. It works perfectly.
03:45There's a whole myriad of reasons why a guy might not be asking you out first.
03:49Grab life by the balls and do it yourself.
03:51Just because you want a guy to ask you out on a date first,
03:53doesn't mean you can't initiate a conversation with him.
03:56If you send a text to someone and they don't return it,
03:58you don't want to send the double text.
03:59Hey, you into me? Five minutes, question mark.
04:03Adding on Snapchat is the thing.
04:05Really like the hugest thing as a teenage girl that I could do is to be like high.
04:10Just high. Period.
04:11If you actually really want something and you choose not to go for it
04:15and hope that it just comes to you, you didn't really want it that bad.
04:18Rejection's not that bad.
04:19And as soon as you've been rejected before, it just gets easier.
04:23Because, you know, it's not that big of a deal.
04:25Beyond making the first move,
04:26men in our society are expected to say,
04:28I love you first and to propose.
04:30I'm never into saying I love you first.
04:33I don't think that my love language is verbal.
04:36There's no rules on who says it first.
04:38Whoever feels it and whoever has the courage to say it first
04:41should be the person to say it first.
04:42Figure out how another person feels first because, you know,
04:45you don't want to be the one to say I love you and then get a thank you.
04:48You should be able to completely and fully express yourself
04:51and be the biggest version of yourself in your relationship.
04:55And if you're not able to do that, then it's just not right.
04:58A girl proposing to a guy is where it starts to hit a weird sort of gray area.
05:02In terms of proposing, I think for me, that's where I draw the line.
05:05I don't think any woman should ever propose at all, ever.
05:09Do you buy yourself the ring? Like, what happens?
05:11Oh, I'm so tired of the fact that women will not propose to men.
05:16So essentially, I proposed to my husband.
05:18He thought I was joking and then he got super excited.
05:24When you get outside of tradition, you don't have to follow any traditions.
05:27This is my story and I get to have my love story the way that I want it.
05:31I think that there's just been a long history of there not being an equal power dynamic
05:36between men and women.
05:37If women can propose, it means things are completely equal.
05:40It means everybody gets to say what they want.
05:42And I think for a lot of men, that's scary.
05:44If you're thinking about making the first move, just look yourself in the mirror.
05:48Say, I'm ready. Let's do this. And go get them.
05:51I mean, it can't hurt you.
05:52It's just a very small moment within the grand scheme of your entire life.
05:56I've never heard a guy say, oh, I liked her and was attracted to her.
06:00But then she asked me out and I was like, ugh.
06:02And if he's grossed out by that, then he probably sucks.
06:05Once you've done it once, it'll become so much easier to do it again in the future.
06:08I promise.
06:09If it's bad, you could just go get someone else.
06:11Because he's an asshole and you deserve better.
06:14Don't push it.
06:15And if they aren't interested enough in you, on to the next one.
06:18Be confident with what you do.
06:20Shoulders back, head up, eyebrow arched.
06:23Just know that you're hot shit and then you'll be able to get whatever you want.
06:25Okay, ladies.
06:26It's 2018.
06:27So if you want something, go for it.
06:30Because life is too short.
06:31So make the first move.
06:33So we make the next move.
06:33Now in the next move.
06:33So I'm going to turn it over.
