00:00It's yeast infection.
00:01If you have a sexual history, it's probably an STD.
00:03The birth control has ruined your system.
00:06Maybe you're pregnant.
00:07What's that smell?
00:08HPV, hepatitis, chancre.
00:10If not, I would try soon.
00:12Ruined, I tell you.
00:13Advanced maternal age.
00:15HPV, herpes, genital warts.
00:18It's just unnatural.
00:19Seriously, what is that smell?
00:21HPV, gonorrhea, chlamydia.
00:23Did I say HPV?
00:24There are many strains.
00:25Scoop down and open your legs a little wider.
00:33It hurts.
00:35Feels like little bombs going off inside of me.
00:37I don't know how else to describe it.
00:39Let's take a look at your ovaries, shall we?
00:44What the hell is that?
00:47I'm pretty sure that's Sarah Palin.
00:49What?
00:50What do you mean it's Sarah Palin?
00:52With a gun.
00:53She's hunting your eggs.
00:55Ow!
00:56How the hell did Sarah Palin get inside of me?
00:58Ow!
00:59My eggs!
01:00Oh, she's a great shot.
01:03Hey.
01:03It's like Mike Pence.
01:05Who?
01:06The Vice President, Mike Pence.
01:09He's golfing in your cervix.
01:11That could be part of your discomfort.
01:13I hate golf.
01:15Uh huh.
01:15Well, a girl like you should be grateful.
01:18His golf cart is acting like an IUD.
01:21Which you're gonna need now that he's cut access to birth control and abortion.
01:25What?
01:25Since when?
01:26What is going on?
01:27You're not a lesbian, are you?
01:28No.
01:29Wait, why?
01:30Well, he's in there and he doesn't take kindly to same sex stuff.
01:34I am Jewish.
01:35Oh.
01:36I'm sorry.
01:37You're screwed.
01:38Ah, but I think I found the source of your pain.
01:43It's your uterus.
01:46What is it?
01:47Your uterus has been trumped.
01:50What does that mean?
01:51President Donald Trump has built a wall around your uterus.
01:58That's a beautiful wall.
02:00I'm sorry.
02:01Did you say a wall?
02:02Yes.
02:03No one builds walls better than our President.
02:05And he builds them very inexpensively.
02:07Sometimes he makes you pay.
02:09Yeah.
02:09Since he's been elected, I've seen a growing number of trumped uterine walls.
02:14Oh, but I never agreed to any of this.
02:15Unfortunately, you don't have any choice in the matter.
02:18You're going to experience cramping.
02:20Your pubic hair is going to look like a comb-over.
02:22And your vagina is going to turn orange.
02:24Orange.
02:26Orange.
02:29Is there anything I can do?
02:31You could gain weight.
02:32That might make him leave.
02:33Our President doesn't like fat women.
02:36But other than that, it's incurable.
02:38Four years, maybe eight.
02:40Given the Supreme Court, it might be menopause before you see any relief.
02:43This is crazy.
02:45Me and my eggs and my cervix and my uterus, we have big plans.
02:49Big, big plans.
02:52I need them.
02:53My body is my body.
02:55And I don't need anybody inside or outside telling me what the hell I can do with it.
03:00You can submit your reproductive plans to the GOP.
03:03That is insane.
03:05Like it's the apocalypse and I need to eat my cats in order to survive?
03:08Insane.
03:08Listen.
03:09It's not that bad.
03:11The patient I saw before you had Chris Christie in her anus.
03:14Oh God.
03:15Causing all kinds of traffic jams up there.
03:17Nothing was getting through.
03:18This is a complete and total nightmare.
03:22Get out of my lady parts!
03:24All of you!
03:25Here.
03:27Have a lollipop.
03:29Here.
03:29Here.
03:29Here.
03:31Here.
03:34Here.
