00:00Perfectly wrapped.
00:02Who's that from?
00:03Let's see.
00:10On my own, at Chelsea's baby shower,
00:17I can't believe I'm stuck here for four hours.
00:23I love my friend, a stellar mom she'll be.
00:28Their lives seem awesome, at least compared to me.
00:33Can we eat these? No, I won't eat them.
00:35They're babies, nice homes and yoga training.
00:39They're right on track, not looking back,
00:42and I don't own a TV.
00:47Because nowadays you don't even need one.
00:49Because if you have a laptop, TVs are too expensive,
00:51and I don't have any money.
00:55I'll get some.
00:56Spellman, what are you talking about?
00:59Excuse me!
01:00Pardon me!
01:01Oh!
01:02Girl, I get it.
01:03You are just experiencing the existential crisis
01:07of falling victim to societal pressures.
01:11I'm the truth fairy.
01:14I bring the facts.
01:15Truth is baby showers make lots of women feel whack.
01:19Nobody's life is as perfect as it seems.
01:22You're not the only one having panic attacks.
01:29She's got major debt, cleptomaniac, a stalker.
01:32She's having an affair with her Brazilian dog walker.
01:35She just pooped her pants, addicted to porn.
01:38Her husband lost his job, and he loves the band Korn.
01:42She's dying in her Jimmy Choo shoes.
01:44But no one's judging the shoes that you choose.
01:48You might be a sad sack, but a husband and a baby won't change that.
01:53Each and every one of us is lost in this crazy maze of life.
01:58But they have kids, and I have cats.
02:02It does cause a mental strife.
02:04We all feel alone, and we think that we're behind.
02:10Is there any more champagne?
02:11I need to drink myself blind.
02:14I'm cheating on my husband.
02:16My body's not my own.
02:17My nipples look like plates.
02:19I pretend I'm 22 when I go on gender dates.
02:21I've got acid-free plugs.
02:23Both us gave me zins.
02:24We all have the pay your taxes and take shit.
02:26I slept with my cousin.
02:29I think that we can all agree.
02:32I'm not sure we ever want kids, and that's okay.
02:35Baby showers can be intense.
02:38You should never feel alone.
02:41It's my shower, and I can't even drink.
02:44I'm bored.
02:45Let's fail.
02:46Let's end this game.
02:51Let's go!
02:52Let's go!
02:53Let's go!
02:54Let's go.
02:54Let's go!
02:54No, no, no, no, no.
02:57What is going on here?
03:00Your grandmama traveled 270 miles just to be here for your baby shower.
03:07I'm so sorry.
03:08You're right, Debbie.
03:09And you miss know-it-all.
03:10Sorry, Ms. Pemberson.
03:11And you miss all about me.
03:12You want my gorgeous daughter-in-law to be paying for her own luxury shit rags?
03:18Let's just stick to the original message.
03:21Societal expectations should interact the way you live your life.
03:25So let's keep our heads up high.
03:37And don't forget.
03:39Send a thank you note.
