00:00Look at that fight sequence.
00:01That was beautiful.
00:03Did you guys see Game of Thrones?
00:04Oh, when he died.
00:05My goodness.
00:06I haven't seen it yet.
00:07Oh, how about Orange is the New Black?
00:09Oh, wow.
00:09I'm addicted. Love it.
00:10Incredible. I've been meaning to. I'm gonna catch up.
00:12Have you been watching Mad Men, though?
00:14Ooh, girl.
00:14So great.
00:15It's on my DVR. I'm gonna see it.
00:17You've seen Empire, right?
00:19Not yet. Transparent? No.
00:20Ray Donovan?
00:21Downton Abbey?
00:22Girls? The Americans.
00:23Bloodline? How sensitive.
00:24So You Think You Can Dance?
00:25Big Bang Theory? Kimmy Schmidt?
00:26The Left Dog?
00:26Stop!
00:29So many shows.
00:32And so little time.
00:35I'm just one man.
00:37How can I possibly keep up?
00:42And now I know what I must do.
00:44I'll lock myself away.
00:47Cast myself aside.
00:49They treat me like a leper.
00:51And so the leper hides.
00:54And once I fulfill my destiny.
00:58I shall return.
01:07I watched every show.
01:09Every single episode.
01:10I'm all caught up and I feel superb.
01:12I watched every show.
01:14Networks, Netflix, Amazon.
01:16I'm overjoyed cause my DVR says you watched every show.
01:19Hey Jon Hamm, I watched your show Mad Men.
01:22Oh Andy, when's the last time you showered?
01:23Would you believe over a year?
01:25Yes.
01:26There was no shower or toilet in my viewing bunker.
01:28Gross.
01:29Hey Kerry Washington, quiz me about scandal.
01:31You smell like dog feces.
01:33More like human feces.
01:34You're a mess.
01:35Maybe, but I know everything there is to know about every single.
01:38Have you seen Castle?
01:40Uhhhhh.
01:47And now they're in a show that I don't know.
01:49I've seen every show.
01:51Transparent.
01:51Yes.
01:51Downton.
01:52Yes.
01:52Orange is the new black.
01:53Yes, yes, yes, yes.
01:54I even saw Grace of Monaco.
01:55I watched every show.
01:56But at what cost?
01:59My life has passed me by.
02:03My son has grown to be a man.
02:07Who doesn't recognize my face?
02:10Papa?
02:12I'm sorry.
02:13Sandberg!
02:14You're under arrest.
02:15Javert!
02:16You've broken the law.
02:17I don't know what I've done.
02:19You've watched too many shows.
02:21I'm an innocent man.
02:22For your crimes against humanity.
02:24You'll spend a life in chains.
02:27You're insane.
02:28For there's no law against watching TV.
02:31Oh crap, you're right.
02:34I love your beard.
02:37Thanks, I like yours too.
02:38Oh, thank you very much.
02:39Alright, peace out.
02:44Now we're gonna run through all the shows like Billy Crystal at the Oscars.
02:47Ew!
02:48Ew!
02:48Ew!
02:49Ew!
02:51Hi!
02:52Ew!
02:52Hi!
02:53His was better.
02:54You may have seen the Eiffel Tower or the Mighty Sphinx.
02:57But I saw Robert Durst confess to murder in the Jinx.
03:02Pardon me, sir.
03:03We're trying to find a host for this year's Emmy Awards.
03:06What shows have you seen?
03:07I watched...
03:08Orichs the New Black Better Call Saul.
03:10Downton Abbey Vipo Paul.
03:11Mad Men Lou Weep Game of Thrones.
03:13Homeland Mom Broad City Bones.
03:14Key and Peele Modern Family.
03:15Parks and Rec's Silicon Valley.
03:17Empire Had to Get Away with Murder.
03:18Blackish Inside Amy Schumer.
03:20House of Cards Houdini Flash.
03:21Last Man on Earth Reruns of M.A.S.H.
03:23Pawn Stars and The Daily Show.
03:24Cajun Pawn Stars Touch Point Oath.
03:25The Bachelorette, Stephen Colbert.
03:27SNL What Not to Wear.
03:28Wife Swap Private Wives.
03:29Nashville Wives and Army Wives.
03:31Prison Wives, Trophy Wives.
03:32Maxwell Wives, Mob Wives.
03:34Sister Wives, Good Wife.
03:35Wives with Knives.
03:36Wheelhouse Wives.
03:37And 40 more shows about wives.
03:41Alright kid, you got the game.
03:43Now get out there and tell some culturally relevant,
03:45but not too edgy jokes.
03:47It's time for the Emmys and my resumes posting.
03:51And I'm the only one qualified to be hosting.
03:55Cause I done watched every damn show.
04:03And I'm waiting.
04:04And I'm waiting.
