00:05Is cleanliness important to you? Do you feel less than fresh? Are the smells spewing from
00:15your loins alerting bystanders to the shameful presence of your lady flower?
00:20Try Lawrence of a labia scented douche, because having a pussy shouldn't mean smelling like one.
00:35I can't believe the douche alarm is still going off. I mean, honestly.
00:52All right, baby. Nothing to it but to do it. Suit up. Step away from the douches. I repeat,
00:59step away from... Don't make me do... Oh, ma'am!
01:06What the fuck is going on?
01:09Oh, yes. Sorry. I'm Brennan. This is Jackie. We are your friendly neighborhood pussy wizards.
01:15Yeah, pussy wizards.
01:18Nice to meet you.
01:22What the fuck are you doing? I like Jiminy Cricket.
01:26Ew. But for pussy.
01:30So right off the bat, the obvious thing about commercial douches is that they're a fucking scam.
01:36The vagina is a fully self-cleaning organ. And the idea that you need to flush it out with perfume
01:42bullshit is the idea that was sold to you by dummies who are scared of pussy and want you to
01:49be scared of
01:49pussy, too. Seriously, though. If douche smell was half as good as pussy, this aisle would be filled with teenage
01:55boys.
01:57I don't see any.
01:59So how does the douche industry rake in 500 million dollars a year selling women harmful
02:05pussy baths? Currently, one in every four American women douche. And those stats climb even higher when
02:11you break them down internationally. For example, in Turkey and Kenya, douching is totally commonplace.
02:18And what's worse is that those rates of douching are directly correlated to vaginal infections in those
02:24countries. This is because shame-based advertising works. I mean, 50 years ago, none of us were wearing
02:29deodorant. Look how that turned out. Damn, they're good at selling this shit.
02:33See, douches were initially invented in the late 1800s as a form of birth control.
02:39Which, by the way, douching is such a terrible form of birth control. Like,
02:44you're literally flushing sperm up into your uterus while increasing your risk of disease.
02:51Vaginal douching is associated with the following fuck-up shit. It significantly increases your risk of
02:57pelvic inflammatory disease. Think infertility and chronic abdominal pain. It's awful. Douching
03:04also ups your risk of ectopic pregnancy. You ever see that movie Alien? The scene where it pops out
03:10of your stomach? That's a baby. Terrifying. It's associated with high rates of infertility. You do
03:16not want to fuck with the helpful microbes of humanity's home base. It can cause bacterial vaginosis. Fish
03:22burrito. It's correlated with low birth weight infants and preterm labor. Killing the good bacteria in your
03:30puss is bad for baby. And linked to an increase in cervical cancer. Yikes. Wait, so this is all
03:39bullshit? Yep. And this is bad for me? Honey, the FDA urged the douche industry to include warning labels
03:46back in 1997. Wait, we've known about this since Air Bud came out? And yet 25% of American women
03:55continue to
03:56douche under the pretense that it keeps their vagina all healthy and safe and great. Lies. So wait a minute.
04:03If douching is bad, what am I supposed to do with this? No worries. The care and keeping of pussy
04:10is actually
04:11really stupid eating. The healthy microflora in your vagina help to keep pathogenic invaders.
04:18Harmful bacteria, an overgrowth of yeast, you know, bad shit. From getting comfy in your puss. Your native
04:24vaginal microbiome contains a tangy low pH inhospitable to those who might want to live in your warm little
04:31sex game. Sex game? Yeah. Your vagina is a magical self-cleaning fuck lord. Oh my god, baby.
04:41So if douches are bad, which they are, yeah, then what do we do with this? Douche fight!
04:58And one little tip. If it's got to taste like grandma's potpourri for you to eat it,
05:03you probably don't like it.
