00:00You were talking about this as a lucky time in your life,
00:02but if I understand correctly, you're there for...
00:04You almost tap out.
00:06You almost leave, right?
00:07Probably a hundred times.
00:09Okay.
00:10Yeah.
00:10And why?
00:12Why almost leave?
00:13Why almost quit?
00:14Because it's hard.
00:16It's so hard.
00:18It is insane to me
00:20that I am employed as a comedian.
00:27How?
00:28How?
00:29I am waiting for someone to come out and go,
00:31it's not true.
00:33You're wrong.
00:34This was wrong.
00:35This was fake.
00:35Because it doesn't make sense.
00:37I'm that lucky.
00:39It's crazy.
00:41How many people get to do it?
00:43I wonder what the stats are on that,
00:45of like, how many people are being paid to be funny?
00:49Very few.
00:50It's crazy.
00:51Very few.
00:51So, to get there takes a lot of...
00:56A lot of moments where you almost quit
00:58and don't.
00:59Yeah, those moments are like,
01:01you know, when you're broke
01:02and you're like,
01:04I'm doing fart bits on a stage somewhere
01:07in the middle of Hollywood.
01:10You okay, Ashley?
01:11You think this is gonna work out?
01:12Okay.
01:13We're gonna keep going?
01:14Okay.
01:15You know, it's like,
01:16okay.
01:17But it's that voice.
01:18It's that thing in you,
01:20which I don't know what that is.
01:22That's going like,
01:23I think I can do this.
01:25And that's crazy.
01:26And then it's the lucky moments.
01:28It's the moment of walking down Melrose
01:30and like,
01:32literally saying to myself,
01:34I'm not happy.
01:35Like, I'm not making it.
01:36I don't have money.
01:38Like, what am I doing?
01:39And then a car drives by
01:41where the girl rolls down the window
01:43and says,
01:43I love you at the Growlings.
01:45You're gonna be on TV.
01:47In that moment.
01:49It's just like,
01:50it's like bigger than you,
01:52you know?
01:52Where you're just like,
01:54thank you for that.
01:55Yeah, you're like,
01:55I literally just got a sign
01:57from the universe.
01:58That actually happened.
01:59It was a sign.
01:59That thing that you read about
02:00in books or in movies
02:01happened to me.
02:02And you're truly like,
02:04okay.
02:04And I'm back to class.
02:05Back to class going,
02:06okay, thank you.
02:08I'm not doing this in a vacuum.
02:10I'm not doing this alone.
02:11There are people who are responding
02:13to what I'm doing
02:13in the crowd
02:15and people like this.
02:17There's not a total delusion.
02:19Yeah.
02:19You know?
02:19Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:20What would you have done
02:21if you quit?
02:22Did you ever think about
02:23what that life would have been?
02:24Of course.
02:25When I was fully
02:26gonna tap out,
02:28and genuinely okay with it.
02:30Because those other times
02:31you're like,
02:31I don't feel good.
02:32And then you go back to class.
02:34This last time was genuine.
02:36This last time was going,
02:38I've done everything I could.
02:39It's been great.
02:41What a great 10 years.
02:42I think I'm gonna say goodbye.
02:44It was because
02:45I'd made a book with Diane
02:47and we had a success with it
02:49and I liked it.
02:50And it showed me
02:52other parts of myself
02:53that I was really
02:55empowered by.
02:56You know?
02:57I was like,
02:57I'm smart.
02:58I can design.
02:59I can write.
03:00Like, see ya.
03:01I'm not doing this anymore.
03:03And it's funny
03:04because I want to take
03:05those elements now
03:07into the parts of my life
03:10in the future.
03:10Like, I want to design
03:12and make books
03:13and write
03:14and make movies
03:15and I'm very visual
03:17and all those things
03:20maybe wouldn't have
03:20been awoken in me
03:21had we not gone down
03:22the road of the book.
03:24Yeah.
03:24You know?
03:25At the end of this period
03:26you get an audition
03:27at SNL.
03:28Mm-hmm.
03:29Do you remember
03:29what you did
03:30to get the job?
03:31Yes.
03:32I told my manager,
03:33I said,
03:34you know,
03:34I think I'm gonna call it
03:35quits at the Groundlings.
03:37I don't feel like
03:38I'm contributing anymore.
03:40Like,
03:41I don't know what else to do.
03:42I'm kind of like
03:43at my end of
03:45what I'm gonna,
03:46like, this is pretty much it.
03:47Like, take it or leave it.
03:49This is kind of what I'm doing.
03:50She was like,
03:50let me, you know,
03:52put together a show
03:53where it's all your best stuff.
03:54She's just so smart,
03:54Naomi Odenkirk.
03:55And she did that
03:57with my friends,
03:58Alex Bonifor
03:58and Chris Kleckner.
03:59We did a show
04:00called Party of Three.
04:01And I don't know
04:02how SNL heard about this,
04:03but they did.
04:04Someone over there
04:05heard about this show.
04:06My name made its way
04:08and I couldn't believe it.
04:10And they said,
04:11my manager said
04:12they want to see you.
04:13There are people
04:14who are pointed
04:16like an arrow
04:16at SNL
04:17who have kind of like
04:19know all the lore,
04:20studied all the texts
04:22and are kind of
04:23doing everything
04:24in their power to,
04:25was that you in any way?
04:26No,
04:27that was not me
04:28to be completely honest.
04:29I am such a fan of the show
04:31and a fan of all the people
04:32from the show,
04:33but it was never
04:35the only thing.
04:37I think I always,
04:38maybe I think
04:39I just didn't know
04:40it was possible
04:40because it's such a massive,
04:44it's a giant,
04:46right,
04:47in our field
04:48of sketch comedy.
04:49I don't think
04:49there was another option really.
04:51Like,
04:52Mad TV came back
04:52and went,
04:53but like,
04:53there weren't
04:54a whole lot of options
04:56for the medium of sketch.
04:58To only be shooting
04:59for that
04:59when everyone is,
05:01it just felt
05:02a little like
05:03impossible maybe.
05:04So I think
05:04that's why
05:05I wasn't really
05:05focused on it.
05:07But then you find
05:07yourself in a room
05:09auditioning for the show.
05:10Mm-hmm.
05:11Do you,
05:12like,
05:12are you allowed
05:12to talk about
05:13what you do
05:13in that moment?
05:14Like,
05:15what are you,
05:15what are you showcasing?
05:16What are you showing them?
05:17Yeah,
05:18yeah.
05:19I did
05:20a lot of my best stuff
05:22at the Groundlings
05:23and it's like,
05:24how do we condense this
05:25into a five minutes?
05:28And I also sent in a packet
05:30and watched a lot of the show.
05:32I just kept watching
05:33a lot of their pre-tapes
05:35and just studied it
05:36and made a packet
05:37based on that.
05:38I made sure
05:39I did everything I could.
05:40I left no stone unturned.
05:42I,
05:42I,
05:43I gave it my best.
05:44And then it worked out.
05:46Like,
05:47you know,
05:47Streeter Seidel,
05:48give him a little shout out.
05:49Love that guy.
05:50We had a meeting
05:50before my Lorne meeting
05:52and he was like,
05:52we're gonna hire you
05:53as a writer
05:54if you,
05:54if you don't get cast.
05:55So,
05:56unless you get cast,
05:57you know,
05:57we'd like to,
05:58so I felt like,
05:59all right,
05:59I got a job here.
06:00I feel happy.
06:01I'm happy doing that.
06:02And then when I was told
06:03I was cast,
06:03I was so scared.
06:05Really?
06:06Oh yeah.
06:06Why?
06:07Because I feared
06:09everyone thinking
06:10I was a monster
06:13on camera.
06:15I was like,
06:16but you had been performing.
06:18I know,
06:18but I had not been on,
06:20I don't know what it was.
06:22Like being on TV,
06:23I felt like I wasn't worthy
06:24or something.
06:25I don't know.
06:26I felt a little like,
06:27this isn't right.
06:28This is so crazy.
06:30How long did that feeling last for?
06:32I think a little bit.
06:34And then I started
06:35to kind of fall in love
06:36with myself a little bit
06:37on TV.
06:38I was like,
06:39hey,
06:39I'm not so bad on there.
06:40You know what I mean?
06:41Like I was like,
06:42I don't look crazy.
06:44That face isn't too bad.
06:47That's such a lovely
06:47falling in love
06:48with yourself on TV
06:49is a lovely way
06:50of putting it.
06:51Yeah,
06:51I started to really
06:52love myself.
06:52But it is,
06:53I do attest that
06:54to Tom Broker.
06:57If you're still here,
06:58he's going to be,
06:58he's going to be like,
06:59stop talking about me.
07:00The other side,
07:01I'm seeing people
07:02fall in love with me
07:03and be like,
07:04oh,
07:04this would look good on you.
07:05And like collaborating
07:06and being like,
07:06oh yeah,
07:07you know,
07:07I think I want to cut my hair
07:08and just like taking care
07:09of myself
07:10and being like,
07:11yeah,
07:11maybe I can do this.
07:12I'm not totally incapable.
07:15So you get the job.
07:16You get to do this thing
07:17that people do in movies,
07:19which is like move coast
07:21in like what,
07:22like three,
07:22four,
07:22five days?
07:23I think it was like
07:24four days.
07:24Four days.
07:25What are you feeling
07:26in those moments
07:27when you're kind of like
07:28living that like montage
07:29in a movie kind of thing?
07:31Maybe it didn't feel
07:32that way at all.
07:32I don't know.
07:33No,
07:33it was surreal.
07:34It was,
07:34it's so fast
07:35that you're almost
07:36trying to keep up
07:37and like logistically
07:38make it make sense.
07:40Like you're like,
07:40okay,
07:40where am I going to live?
07:42Like,
07:42so you can't get
07:43too excited yet
07:44because you're like,
07:45I have to pack.
07:47And nothing is more unfun
07:49than packing.
07:50Nothing's less glamorous
07:52than being like,
07:53what do I take?
07:53It coincided with
07:57the book
07:58in a way that was
07:59another frightening
08:01like sign from the universe.
08:03My book with Diane
08:05came out
08:06the day
08:07I was testing
08:08for a second time
08:10at the show.
08:12I think it came out
08:13on the 5th
08:15of September,
08:16it must have been.
08:18And
08:20I ran over
08:21because I was supposed
08:22to go
08:22and look at the book
08:23with Diane
08:24out in stores
08:25on the day it came out.
08:26Go to a Barnes & Noble,
08:27like go do all this stuff.
08:28Go to Book Soup
08:29in LA.
08:30And there I was
08:31in New York
08:31and I said,
08:32I'll run over
08:33to 5th Avenue,
08:34Barnes & Noble.
08:34And there
08:35in the window,
08:37I have photos of it.
08:39It feels insane
08:39to even like
08:40remember it,
08:41but it was just
08:42a giant
08:43blow up.
08:45I could cry.
08:46It's like crazy.
08:47Blow up
08:48cover
08:49that I made.
08:50I'm so sorry.
08:52That's so crazy.
08:54I'm not expecting that.
08:55I'm so sorry.
08:56I just couldn't believe it.
08:59It was so beautiful.
09:01I'm so sorry.
09:03I look crazy.
09:04What are you protesting for?
09:05I just couldn't believe it.
09:06I made this thing
09:07and it was so hard
09:08to make
09:09this book
09:12with her
09:12and
09:15there it was
09:16and I'm standing there
09:17like
09:17about to audition
09:18for SNL
09:19and
09:22this book
09:22was so hard
09:24to do
09:24because I'd never
09:26made a book before
09:27and I
09:28never felt like
09:29I could do
09:30anything like that
09:33and it tested me
09:34in many ways
09:36because I couldn't believe
09:38she believed in me
09:40and I designed
09:41this thing.
09:42I put the font
09:44I did her shot
09:45I gave her options
09:46I like
09:48I just
09:50obsessed
09:51over this thing
09:52and there I was
09:53releasing it
09:54you know
09:54and it was
09:55blown up
09:56in a way
09:57I gotta show you
09:58the picture
09:58blown up
09:59gigantic
10:00in the window
10:01on Fifth Avenue.
10:02I didn't want to interrupt you
10:03because it was so amazing
10:04but do you want to take a moment?
10:06Oh no
10:06I'm
10:06who cares?
10:07Okay
10:08alright
10:09I appreciate that
10:10you're so sweet
10:11I'm sorry about it
10:12it's an amazing moment
10:14it's funny how it's more emotional
10:15than getting the show even
10:16because
10:17the show is an accumulation
10:19you know
10:20of
10:20and it's so beautiful
10:21being on the show
10:22I'm the luckiest person
10:23in the world
10:25but
10:29something about
10:30making a book
10:32for a girl
10:34who
10:34failed high school
10:36I mean
10:38like
10:39really
10:41fudged it up
10:44it was bad
10:45I was bad at school
10:46and there I am
10:49it published
10:50like
10:50you know
10:51my name's in that thing
10:53so
10:54I was so proud
10:55and
10:56just like
10:57holy shit
10:58and I
10:59it was like
11:00saying goodbye
11:00to that phase
11:01of my life
11:02standing in the window
11:03and
11:03they had this figure
11:05like
11:05this mannequin
11:06holding my book
11:07and I was like
11:09and I went in
11:10and I bought a couple
11:11and
11:12went back
11:13and was like
11:13okay now
11:15let's do your set
11:16where you
11:18fart
11:21okay
11:21okay
