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00:00You need to call the ghost of that pub, Fred.
00:03You can't be scared of a ghost called Fred, can you?
00:05Look out, it's Fred. See, you didn't even flinch, did you?
00:08No.
00:09Right, up next we've got Greyfriars Church here on your left or right-hand side, if you sat back to
00:15front.
00:16Or rather what remains of Greyfriars Church.
00:20But it's not about what Greyfriars looks like on the outside.
00:23I would argue it's all about what's underneath that counts.
00:27Because buried underneath the ruins of that church, a murderer.
00:31Queen Isabella of France.
00:33Who did she murder?
00:35King Edward II.
00:37Her husband.
00:39The trouble with Queen Isabella was she had a lover on the side,
00:42and she reckoned he'd do a much better job at running the country.
00:45So her and her followers set to depose of the king in the most gruesome way they can think of.
00:50Now this story's been debated over the years, but luckily for you lot it's not been debunked,
00:55which means I get to tell it in full graphic detail.
00:58Here we go.
00:59So Queen Isabella kidnaps her husband,
01:01and ties him up in something resembling a downward dog position for the yoga fans on board.
01:06And Queen Isabella prepares a poker,
01:07which is a long metal stick that you might use to adjust coals in the fireplace without burning your hands.
01:12We come to you my friend, because here's something I prepared earlier.
01:15We've got a long metal stick, we hold it over the fireplace.
01:19What colour is it going to be?
01:20Dirt.
01:21Red.
01:21Good, now hold it longer.
01:24Orange.
01:25Why do you look so scared?
01:27You're in control my friend, have faith.
01:29Good, it's changing colour, we're doing so well, we're doing so well.
01:32I'm here with you to the end, it's going to change colour again.
01:34What's it going to turn colour?
01:35Blue.
01:36And again.
01:38It's going to change colour.
01:39What's the hottest something we've possibly been?
01:42White, he got it everyone, he did it, yay.
01:44A white hot poker.
01:46Very hot indeed.
01:47Now where's the white hot poker going, I hear you ask.
01:50I'll give you a clue, not where I'm currently speaking from.
01:54That's right.
01:55Straight up the king's backside.
01:57The Queen Isabella knows she's only got one shot,
02:00and one opportunity to make the most of it,
02:02so she leaves her husband to cook.
02:04Goes and sorts dinner out,
02:05unless the cat outside, I don't know.
02:08But once Eddie is ready,
02:13out comes the white hot poker.
02:22It's a very long poker.
02:25And out come all the kings inside.
02:29I hope none of you had dinner plans after this.
02:32And if you did,
02:33here's hoping you weren't ordering a kebab.
02:36Not anymore.
02:38Well,
02:40now that you're all warmed up,
02:43it's time to tell a story about the Great Fire of London.
02:46Now it has not escaped my notice that we have some youth
02:48aboard the bus this evening
02:50that are still trapped in the belly of the beast
02:51that we call the education system.
02:53Some of you thought you left that a long time ago.
02:55The trauma's been pushed down,
02:57pushed down deep.
02:58But in solidarity with the youth on board this evening,
03:01Stan Broker is proud to present
03:04the Great Fire of London
03:06in PowerPoint definition.
03:08Boop!
03:09Sunday the 2nd of September, 1666.
03:13That's a lot of sibilance, Stan.
03:15Thomas Farron goes to bed.
03:16And either there's an oven that's not been dampened,
03:19the candle that's not been extinguished,
03:20we don't know for sure.
03:22But within 24 hours,
03:23both the bakery and 200 other buildings were on fire.
03:27Now why did the fire spread so quickly?
03:29London had just had its driest summer in some years.
03:32All the houses made of incredibly flammable material,
03:35namely wood,
03:36with those lovely thatched roofs.
03:38And to make matters worse,
03:39all the buildings were crammed together like sardines,
03:42which made the very light work.
03:44Now what you see on your screens,
03:46what you're about to see on your screens,
03:47there we go,
03:48is a map of London,
03:49Shakespeare's London,
03:50Chaucer's London,
03:51and that big white blob in the middle
03:53is 85% of London.
03:55Boop!
03:55Gone.
03:56Destroyed.
03:5785% of London have gone destroyed.
03:59Now it's time for a bit of a face-off.
04:01It's downstairs versus downstairs.
04:03It is time to find out
04:04how many people perished in the Great Fire of London.
04:06I'm going to ask every one of you.
04:08You first, my friend.
04:1020 million.
04:1120 million!
04:12All right, a bar has been set.
04:14Any other takers, my friend?
04:16Two and a half thousand.
04:17Two and a half thousand or all have come right down.
04:20Zero.
04:20Zero?
04:21Fine.
04:22Zero people.
04:23Over here we have?
04:25I don't know.
04:25Pick a number between zero and 20 million.
04:28I assure you it's between one of those two.
04:3050,000.
04:3150,000.
04:32All right, and over here we have?
04:33I'll say about 70,000.
04:3570,000.
04:36So we've got quite the range there.
04:40So we're zero people.
04:43It wasn't zero people.
04:45It was six.
04:47Yeah, I know.
04:49Six people according to the paper records.
04:51It's hard to believe.
04:52And you know what?
04:53Historians don't believe it.
04:54Because what you've got to remember,
04:56other than the fact that paper records are very flammable,
04:59you've got to remember,
05:00the fire was so hot,
05:01cooked pigeons were literally falling from the sky.
05:05I know, beat that KFC.
05:07So fair to assume,
05:08fair to assume a number of bodies were incinerated
05:11and sadly never counted.
05:13So what we decided to do,
05:14to remember them all,
05:15was to build
05:16a
05:18monument.
05:21Sorry, let me try that again.
05:22Build
05:22THE
05:24monument
05:24to the Great Fire of London.
05:26Here is a police sketch on your screen
05:28so you know what to look out for.
05:30That's right.
05:30I said police sketch.
05:32Because in an ironic twist,
05:33the statue that was meant to remember the dead
05:35ending up
05:36killing more people.
05:38I know.
05:39Because you can climb the monument.
05:41Ask what you need to know.
05:42Three hundred and eleven stairs up to the top.
05:44A stairway to heaven.
05:45I'm trying to just get musical references in now, aren't I?
05:48where you will find
05:49an observation platform at the top.
05:51A viewing deck.
05:52I'm sorry to say that
05:53eight people have either jumped or fallen
05:55from the top of that monument
05:56making it, by my calculations,
06:0033.33% recurring.
06:02More deadly than the fire it's commemorating.
06:04Which is, um, yes.
06:06Quite the achievement.
06:07And speaking of achievements,
06:09if you do climb the monument
06:10and make it all the way back down
06:12safely,
06:13what they will do
06:14is give you
06:16a
06:17a certificate
06:19to say well done.
06:21There you go, look.
06:22Boom.
06:22Bish bash bosh.
06:23There we go.
06:23Stambroker.
06:24There we go.
06:24Oh, look at that.
06:25Stambroker.
06:26Been there, done that.
06:27I have got the certificate.
06:28I have done it.
06:29And you can too.
06:30I'm selling photocopies.
06:32It's a very certificate
06:33with five pounds a pop.
06:34If you're interested,
06:34come see me after the show.
06:36It costs five pounds
06:37to climb the monument as it is.
06:39So you might as well preserve it
06:40and work smart, not hard.
06:42I'll see you there.
06:43Got a Tipp-X pen.
06:44We're sorted.
06:45Um, so that was the monument.
06:47We are going to see it in the flesh,
06:49but we're currently contending
06:50with the lovely traffic
06:52on Cannon Street.
06:54If only Cannon Street
06:55actually had some decent
06:57ghost stories to tell.
06:58Instead,
06:58Stambroker has raided the archives
07:00and we're just going to be prepared
07:02to go on a rabbit hole
07:03from the slightly scary
07:04to the completely mundane.
07:06But we're all in this together.
07:07The trick is,
07:08Stam,
07:08just don't stop talking.
07:11Now,
07:13indeed,
07:14let's play a bit of a quiz,
07:16shall we?
07:16A bit of a quiz.
07:18You were quite keen down here,
07:19my friend.
07:20I can tell you
07:20a pensive expression.
07:21You're ready to go.
07:22So,
07:23I'll give you one guess,
07:24all right?
07:26Can you guess
07:28what they used to manufacture
07:31on Cannon Street?
07:33Cannon Street.
07:34Cannon Street.
07:35I will repeat the question.
07:37You're not the one answering.
07:39What do they used to manufacture
07:42on Cannon Street?
07:43Cannon Street.
07:44Is that your final answer?
07:46Cannons.
07:47Cannon balls.
07:48Cannon balls final answer.
07:50No.
07:51Did you wish you'd said cannons?
07:52That was wrong as well.
07:54It was,
07:55if you look left,
07:57candles.
07:58You'd never have guessed that
08:00in a million years,
08:01would you?
08:01Nah, nah.
08:02You have to look in a doomsday book
08:03to understand why,
08:05because Cannon Street
08:06used to be known as
08:07Candle Rig Streator,
08:08which roughly translates to
08:10Candle Light Street,
08:11because this is where
08:12the candle makers used to live.
08:13How did Candle Maker Street
08:15become Cannon Street?
08:16Your guess is as good as mine,
08:18but there were about
08:1850 name changes
08:19through the years,
08:20through a series of Cockney slang.
08:22Hey,
08:22whilst we're stuck in traffic,
08:23get your phones out
08:24and attempt to play
08:24a little game of Wordle
08:25and attempt to make
08:26cannons become candles.
08:28I don't know.
08:29We'll get in there.
08:30All right.
08:31Well,
08:31that was a slightly bundling fact.
08:32I've actually got a good one now.
08:33Because coming up
08:34on the left-hand side,
08:35we have Bank Underground Station.
08:38Now,
08:39if you ever have a friend
08:40that says they'll meet you
08:41at Bank Underground,
08:42you're never going to see
08:43that friend ever again.
08:45Because Bank Underground Station
08:47boasts 16 different exits,
08:49nine elevators,
08:5131 escalators,
08:53five ticket halls
08:54and a partridge
08:55and a partridge
08:55in a pear tree.
08:56It is a bit of a labyrinth,
08:57it's fair to say.
08:58And it's also
08:5940 metres underground.
09:01It's one of the deepest
09:02in central London
09:03and it was built
09:04right slap bang
09:05on top of a plague pit.
09:07They used to bury
09:08all the plague victims
09:09when the graveyard
09:10started overflowing.
09:11I mean,
09:12look at these three guys
09:12coming out.
09:13They look like
09:13they've seen some things,
09:14haven't they?
09:15It's true.
09:16It's a bit of a story
09:17to tell
09:18at Bank Underground Station.
09:19And it's also haunted
09:21by a ghost
09:21known as
09:22the Lady in Black,
09:24a.k.a.
09:24the Black Nun,
09:26a pale gaunt apparition
09:27that also haunts
09:28the Bank of England.
09:30Said to be the ghost
09:31of one Sarah Whitehead,
09:33a lady who lived
09:34in the 18th century.
09:35And she's got a brother
09:36called Philip
09:37and at the end of each day
09:38she meets Philip
09:39at the gates of the bank
09:41and they walk home together.
09:45There is more to it
09:46than that
09:46because otherwise
09:47I appreciate
09:47it's a pants ghost story
09:48so far.
09:49The story goes on.
09:51Philip gets bored
09:52of being a banker
09:52and he decides
09:53for a career change
09:54sets up his own
09:56stockbrokers.
09:56He's a very good
09:57stockbroker
09:58but not for very good reasons.
10:00Trouble is
10:01he's been giggling
10:01the numbers,
10:02cooking the books
10:03and it ain't long
10:04before the law
10:05catches up to him.
10:06Philip is found guilty
10:07of forgery
10:08hanged
10:09at Newgate Prison
10:10at those crossroads
10:11we went over ourselves
10:12not once
10:13but twice
10:13in front of a live audience.
10:16And Sarah
10:17wrecked with grief
10:19couldn't quite process
10:20what happened
10:21to her brother
10:22and still
10:23she continued
10:23to head to the bank
10:24at the end of each day
10:25to ask
10:26have you seen my brother?
10:28And unlike you mate
10:30no one gave her an answer
10:31because 300 years later
10:32she's still there
10:33so any therapists on board?
10:36300 years of grief
10:37and trauma
10:38how bad can it be?
10:39Now if you all look left
10:41I'll count you down
10:43here is the
10:44oh come on
10:45there we go
10:45to the monument
10:47to the Great Fire of London
10:48there it is
10:48there it is
10:49take it in
10:49it's going
10:49it's going
10:50it's gone
10:51it's gone
10:52so it was worth it
10:53wasn't it
10:54all that hype
10:54but of course
10:55London survives
10:56the Great Fire
10:57the fire never makes it
10:58across London Bridge
10:59things cross
11:00we will
11:02London Bridge
11:03take it in
11:04it's rather plain
11:05rather practical
11:07rather than ornamental
11:08but voila
11:09there's a much more
11:10pretty bridge
11:10that is Tower Bridge
11:12over there
11:12that's the HMS Belfast
11:15out in front
11:15one of the last
11:16surviving vessels
11:16of the second world war
11:18the cannons on board
11:19that boat
11:20was so powerful
11:21they cracked the porcelain
11:22toilets on board
11:23that's a real test
11:24of your ammunition
11:24and indeed your plumbing
11:25Tower
11:26sorry Tower Street
11:27Tower Bridge
11:28London Bridge
11:29Tower Bridge
11:30London Bridge
11:31you'd think you'd be able
11:32to spot the difference
11:34here's a story about
11:35a man that couldn't
11:36because in the late 1960s
11:38London Bridge
11:39the old version
11:41was getting a little bit
11:42tattered and tired
11:43and they decided
11:45to replace it
11:47but how were they
11:48going to get the funds
11:49to build a new
11:50London Bridge
11:51well they decided
11:52to auction it off
11:53piece by piece
11:54Oprah Winfrey style
11:55you get a brick
11:56you get a brick
11:57everyone gets a brick
11:58but then
11:59in comes an American
12:00oil tycoon
12:01named Robert McCulloch
12:02and he thinks
12:03he fancies that
12:04for himself
12:04screw the auction
12:05and so he purchases
12:07London Bridge
12:07and we pack it all up
12:09brick by brick
12:09taking great pains
12:10to make sure
12:12that each brick
12:12is marked out
12:13its position
12:14etc etc
12:15over to the Arizona
12:16desert it goes
12:17where it still exists
12:18to this day
12:19it takes several years
12:20to put back together
12:21they have a grand
12:22opening ceremony
12:23and it's only then
12:24that Robert McCulloch
12:25realises
12:25oh gee whiz
12:26it's not the bridge
12:28I wanted
12:28because he thought
12:30he was buying
12:30a much more impressive
12:31tower bridge instead
12:33but there is a moral
12:34to that story
12:35and that moral is
12:36always check the
12:37returns policy
12:38check the terms
12:39and conditions
12:39people
12:40but that was
12:41London Bridge
12:42and I like to tell
12:43that story
12:44because London Bridge
12:45is a classic example
12:46of us Brits
12:48taking as little
12:50energy and effort
12:51as possible
12:51to name something
12:52you know
12:53it's a say what you see
12:55situation
12:55and it's been quite a trend
12:56over the years
12:57you know
12:57London Bridge
12:59Tower Bridge
13:00the big green park
13:01outside Buckingham Palace
13:02that's called Green Park
13:03Henry VIII
13:05needs a new church
13:06to divorce his wife
13:06Church of England
13:07job done
13:09but here comes
13:10the creme de la creme
13:11which no one
13:12seems to have heard of
13:13no tour guide
13:14seems to talk about this
13:15I don't know why
13:16it's comic gold
13:17it's terrible
13:17but own it
13:18own your terribleness
13:19because coming up
13:21on the left hand side
13:22is a pedestrianised area
13:23get ready
13:24to see
13:25more
13:26London
13:28place
13:30that's genuinely
13:31what it's called
13:32more London place
13:33everyone
13:33and if you don't
13:35believe me
13:35you can either
13:36google it
13:36or
13:37even better
13:38you can have a look
13:39at these five
13:40marble fountains
13:41coming up on your
13:42left hand side
13:43because each of one
13:44they're the insignity
13:46insignia
13:46bear the name
13:47of what this place
13:48is called
13:48yes
13:49the stars in the trees
13:50are very pretty
13:51but the fountains
13:53that's what you want
13:53to be looking out for
13:54as we tear through
13:56the traffic lights
13:59look
14:01there's more London
14:02and look
14:04there's more
14:05and if you look
14:06really close
14:06you get the idea
14:07more London
14:08more London
14:08more London
14:09bish bash bosh
14:10it's true
14:10it's legit
14:13yeah
14:13crazy
14:14but own it
14:15look
14:16more
14:16you'll see more
14:18and more
14:19and more
14:20oh
14:21well that was a bit silly
14:22here's another silly story
14:24as we are
14:25attempting
14:25to cross Tower Bridge
14:27this evening
14:27on a double decker bus
14:29I've got a crazy story
14:31to tell you
14:31about a bus driver
14:32no not harger
14:34but I'm sure you'll agree
14:35he's doing it
14:35he's doing a great job
14:36don't know why I use
14:37past tense sir
14:38now indeed
14:40you probably all know this
14:41but the middle of Tower Bridge
14:43opens up and down
14:44till it
14:44tall ships pass by
14:46underneath
14:46approximately three times a day
14:48approximately a thousand times a year
14:50and usually
14:52usually
14:53there's a signal system
14:55that tells traffic
14:56and pedestrians
14:57when to stop
14:57because the bridge is going to open
14:59but on one foggy
15:01smocky December day
15:021952
15:03Albert's driving his 78
15:05double decker
15:05across Tower Bridge
15:06and apparently
15:07the signal man
15:08doesn't see him coming
15:10now any sensible drivers
15:12on board
15:12then you'll know
15:13he's got two options
15:14option one
15:14is he brakes
15:15as hard as he can
15:16but risks his bus
15:17toppling backwards
15:18into the Thames
15:19or second option
15:20he guns it on the gas
15:22and attempts to jump again
15:25now if I were to tell you
15:26he was a tank driver
15:27during the second world war
15:28you could probably hazard a guess
15:29where this was going
15:30but for the benefit of doubt
15:31I'm going to count down
15:32from three
15:33and I want you to either
15:34shout jump
15:34or brake at me
15:36three
15:36two
15:37one
15:38remind me not to accept
15:39a lift home from any of you
15:41this evening
15:42well the public wants it
15:44and indeed Albert fancies it as well
15:46he's actually always wanted to do this
15:47so the time has now come
15:48he puts his foot on the gas
15:50reaches the incredible speed
15:52of 12 miles an hour
15:53and attempts to jump
15:54the six foot
15:55go
15:57and he crashes on the other side
15:59killing all of his passengers
16:00I'm joking
16:01I'm joking
16:01but the look on your face
16:02was priceless
16:03no fatalities
16:05believe it or not
16:05Albert and his conductor
16:07break their legs
16:08in the impact
16:08and the bus is total history
16:10the suspension is gone
16:11the wheels are off the wagon
16:13but no fatalities
16:14that's the important thing
16:16and what does Albert get
16:17as a reward
16:18for his bravery
16:19quick thinking
16:20ensuring the survival
16:21of his passengers
16:22he gets fired
16:23no he doesn't
16:23for the look on your face
16:24was priceless
16:25Albert gets
16:27get ready
16:27a £10 voucher
16:32which is worth about £250
16:34these days
16:37and a day off
16:40I like how that got
16:41the biggest response
16:42compared to the cash prizes
16:44it's economy
16:45hi my name's Stan
16:47and I'm a workaholic
16:47hi Stan
16:48anyway
16:50but yes
16:50now for any ladies on board
16:52thinking your partner
16:53needs to up their game
16:54learn from Albert fellas
16:55because when he was asked
16:56what are you going to do
16:57with that £10 voucher
16:58he says
16:59half for me
17:00half for the missus
17:01that's your baseline ladies
17:03if your man is not Albert Gunter
17:05he's not worthy
17:06but here is Tower Bridge
17:08and it wouldn't be Tower Bridge
17:10without
17:10kaboom
17:11the Tower of London
17:13and what a night
17:14to witness a Tower of London
17:15we might be seeing
17:15some fireworks going off
17:17because it is bonfire night
17:18and indeed
17:19the Tower of London
17:20is the crown jewel
17:21of this evening's tour
17:22because it hosts
17:23no fewer than
17:2420 resident ghosts
17:26amongst them of course
17:27are Mr Guy Fawkes
17:29of the gunpowder plot fame
17:31now as it is bonfire night
17:32just to recap
17:33for those at the back
17:341605
17:3513 Catholic conspirators
17:38tired of being pushed around
17:39by King James
17:40and his Protestant government
17:41decide
17:41to hell with them all
17:43and they roll
17:4436 barrels of gunpowder
17:45underneath the Houses of Parliament
17:47now the trouble was
17:49one of those conspirators
17:50snitched
17:50we don't know who
17:51but one of them
17:52decided to write
17:53a letter to Lord Monteagle
17:55to tell him not to come
17:56into work on November 5th
17:57and funnily enough
17:58Lord Monteagle
17:59gets the word around
18:00King James orders
18:01the sellers to be searched
18:02Guy Fawkes is caught
18:04and carted off here
18:05to the Tower of London
18:07where he's put
18:08through his paces
18:08he is tortured
18:10for several days straight
18:11until he finally snaps
18:13and by that I mean
18:15he gave up the names
18:16of his co-conspirators
18:17once he was assured
18:18that they were either
18:18or dead or captured
18:20and they also pulled
18:21his ligaments apart
18:22on the rack
18:22till they popped
18:23so fun times all round
18:26now Guy Fawkes
18:27was not killed
18:28at the Tower of London
18:29in classic petty
18:30British fashion
18:31who dragged him
18:32back to the buildings
18:33he sought to destroy
18:34where he hung, drew
18:35and quartered him
18:36but some might argue
18:37his spirit was broken
18:38at the Tower
18:39and that is why
18:40his ghost haunts the place
18:42but he's joined
18:43by plenty of other ghosts
18:44including most famously
18:47two former queens
18:49now I imagine
18:50some of you know
18:50a little musical
18:51called Six
18:52and if you don't know
18:53the musical
18:53then you probably know
18:54the monarch
18:55Henry VIII
18:56a man who liked his food
18:57and didn't like his wives
18:58very much
18:59because he had
19:00six of them
19:01in his lifetime
19:02and they all met
19:03various different ends
19:04and to help remember
19:05we came up with
19:06a very morbid
19:07but undeniably catchy
19:08little song
19:09it goes a bit like this
19:10feel free to join in
19:11top deck
19:11come on Wembley
19:12it goes
19:13divorced
19:14beheaded
19:14died
19:15oh yes
19:15divorced
19:16beheaded
19:18clearly not as catchy
19:19as I first thought
19:20but survived
19:21yes
19:21although
19:22they all died eventually
19:23so
19:24anyway
19:25now Anne Boleyn
19:26and Catherine Howard
19:27were the two
19:27that were beheaded
19:28at the Tower of London
19:29hence their headless ghosts
19:31now
19:32Anne Boleyn
19:33she was treated
19:34to the finest
19:35French executioner
19:36in all the land
19:37one clean cut
19:38job done
19:39the same cannot be said
19:41of the Countess of Salisbury
19:43who wasn't a wife
19:44of Henry's
19:45but he was the one
19:46who signed her
19:46execution papers
19:48and she did not get
19:50a fine French executioner
19:51she got shall we say
19:52the boy on work experience
19:55not one clean cut
19:56so you tell me my friend
19:58first day on the job
19:59maybe you're a bit nervous
20:00that's completely understandable
20:02they've shoved an axe
20:02in your hand
20:03and said cut off a head
20:04how many hacks
20:05to the axe
20:05are we talking mate
20:07one
20:08one
20:09he's got it in his blood
20:10he was born to do this
20:12welcome to the team
20:12congrats
20:13we'll come to you anyway
20:14my friend
20:15in the spirit of fairness
20:15and equality
20:18zero
20:18you're going to
20:19telepathically remove
20:20the head from spine
20:22sorry babe
20:23but I might have to
20:23retract that job off
20:24perhaps you can do it
20:25in zero
20:25no mess
20:26easy clean up
20:27but regardless
20:28this young lad
20:29takes 11 goes
20:3111 hacks of the axe
20:33to finish the old girl off
20:34and I mean no disrespect
20:35she was 67
20:38years old
20:38when she met the child
20:39I know I hate myself too
20:40but the kids love it
20:4267 years old
20:43when she met the chopping block
20:44so the whole memo
20:45about respecting your elders
20:48clearly went over the young lad's head
20:50safe to say
20:51he didn't get the job
20:52because I've just offered it out
20:53to two of these guys here
20:54well done
20:55now speaking of last days
20:57on the job
20:58I thought I saw a couple of you
21:00googling when we were off the bus
21:01and I can't blame you
21:02I get it
21:02you thought you'd take a moment
21:04to do a little bit of googling
21:05do a little bit of research
21:06to glean a little bit of information
21:09on the old necrobus depot
21:11incident
21:14the necrobus depot
21:15incident
21:18the thing that happened on the bus
21:21to allow me to fill in the blanks
21:23so there's no misinformation being spread
21:25because it all came down
21:26to the last funeral we ever did
21:28for a lovely old man
21:29named Gerald
21:31he was a real pillar of the community
21:33he was a lovely soul
21:34the less said about his wife
21:36the better
21:36oh a nasty old so and so
21:38wanted everything done
21:40a certain way
21:41nothing was ever good enough
21:42including Gerald's funeral
21:44and on the day in question
21:46we had a new undertaker
21:47their first
21:47and last
21:49day on the job
21:49but really wanted to make
21:51a good impression
21:52all was going pretty well
21:53at first
21:53textbook funeral
21:54Gerald's down here
21:56mourners up there
21:58Christmas decorations
21:59fully kitted out
22:00in the middle of November
22:01if not that
22:02ignore me
22:03that's a real horror show
22:04but it was going pretty well
22:05at first
22:06but then the tears
22:07start to fall
22:08the tissues come out
22:09and the young undertaker's
22:10overwhelmed
22:10by all this sorrow
22:12so to try and lighten the mood
22:14they decide it'd be a good idea
22:15to crack a few jokes
22:18and this goes down
22:19like a lead balloon
22:20as you can probably imagine
22:21because Gerald's wife
22:23is furious
22:23she says we've ruined
22:24the whole day
22:26ruined Gerald's reputation
22:27are those Christmas decorations
22:29to my mother
22:30most importantly
22:31she says
22:32she's gonna get her revenge
22:35and naively
22:36we just thought
22:37she meant a negative
22:37trip advisor of you
22:40but nah
22:40it was Gerald's wife
22:42you see
22:42who sneaked into our bus
22:43to pull that fateful night
22:44it was Gerald's wife
22:46who crept in
22:47with a can of petrol
22:48and a box of matches
22:49it was Gerald's wife
22:50who set the whole place ablaze
22:52wiping out the fleet
22:53all by this
22:54plus yada yada yada
22:56and burnt to a crisp herself
22:59big fan of holy cardigans
23:01you see
23:01the key slipped right
23:02through a hole in her pocket
23:03she choked on the smoke
23:04trying to find it in the dark
23:10what are you looking at me like that
23:11you came for blood and guts
23:12in your 45 minutes ago
23:13black salmon stand
23:15and now you're getting me
23:16filthy looks
23:17you know what
23:17cover you
23:18the spooky music's coming off now
23:20you've done this to everyone
23:23yeah
23:25that's killed the mood
23:29and what's even worse
23:30is we're still stuck
23:31in the belly of the beast
23:32that is the financial district
23:34oh
23:34it's all going according to plan
23:37but don't worry
23:38there is a light
23:40that never goes out
23:41the Smiths
23:42that do anything for it now
23:43St Paul's Cathedral
23:44up ahead
23:45a shining beacon of hope
23:47if we make it to St Paul's
23:48we're safe people
23:50and St Paul's of course
23:52is not without
23:52its resident spooks
23:54most notably
23:55the architect himself
23:56Sir Christopher Wren
23:57after all
23:58he was the first to be buried
24:00in St Paul's
24:01in
24:01the largest
24:02crypt
24:03in
24:04Europe
24:06so
24:06any Brits on board the bus
24:08hoping for our next victory
24:09it's not going to come at Eurovision
24:11we're still waiting on the football
24:12at least as far as the men's national team's concerned
24:14so never let them take away from you
24:16we've got the largest crypt in Europe
24:18you take that with you home tonight
24:20Parisian catacombs
24:23so yes
24:24Sir Christopher Wren's ghost
24:25he's pretty good
24:27but I'd argue he's not the most iconic
24:30you see this ghost
24:31I've met him myself
24:32and he said
24:33Stan
24:34I want to be a hall of famer
24:35at St Paul's
24:36and it's just not happening
24:37can you hype me up a little bit
24:39and I said
24:40no problem
24:41I am going to have to need
24:42the spooky music
24:43for this next one
24:44it's a bit of a hard sell
24:45so just bear with me
24:46I kind of wish I had a sip of water
24:48before I attempt to do this
24:49but here comes my best dramatic movie trailer voice
24:53here we go
24:54it's not hype enough
24:56this year
24:58prepare to meet the most fearsome phantom
25:00of St Paul's Cathedral
25:03his long flowing mane
25:05is just the start of it
25:06then the hairs on the back of your neck
25:08stand on end
25:10and worst of all
25:13his long mournful sighs
25:19this winner
25:21prepare if you dare
25:22to meet
25:25the whistling vicar
25:30nothing
25:31I knew it
25:32oh dearie man
25:32I tried
25:33I tried
25:34but I did tell him
25:36I kind of said
25:36the whistling vicar
25:37you kind of
25:38beaten yourself
25:39before you started
25:40as it were
25:42you know
25:42the whistling vicar
25:43is never going to fly
25:44I mean he does fly
25:44but that doesn't really help his case
25:46because he's apparently very friendly
25:48as I say
25:48we had a very good conversation
25:49but you know what doesn't help his cause
25:51he's just
25:52he's just
25:53completely tongue deaf
25:54he just can't hold a
25:56ooh mustard
25:57the whistling vicar
25:58he can't hold a tune
26:00to save his life
26:01there we go
26:02so if an indie
26:04crowdfunding film
26:05or whatever does come out
26:06about the whistling vicar
26:06that will be the tagline
26:07I hopefully will get credited for that
26:10but yeah
26:11in the meantime
26:11spare of thoughts
26:13for Harjim
26:14because we're currently stopped
26:15at one of London's
26:166,428 set of traffic lights
26:18you didn't think you'd get that one again
26:19did you
26:19well here we go
26:21but there we go
26:22here comes St Paul's Cathedral
26:23on our right hand side
26:26I paid him 50 quid
26:28I said
26:28can you get the south side
26:29of St Paul's lid up for us
26:31and they said
26:31sure Stan
26:32so here you go
26:33if you do want to take a picture
26:34of St Paul's
26:34this is the best place to do it
26:36and when you get thousands upon thousands of likes on Instagram
26:39and they ask you
26:40how did you do it
26:40you say Stan Broker of the Ghost Plus
26:43tour guide extraordinaire
26:46photography expert
26:47and he does a pretty good
26:48cinematic movie trailer voice
26:50his jokes on the other hand
26:51well debatable
26:52anyway
26:53but it's not all doom and gloom
26:55at St Paul's
26:56you know
26:56they do christenings there
26:58they do weddings
26:59weddings
26:59at St Paul's
27:01royal weddings
27:02so if you want to follow in the footsteps
27:04of Charles and Diana
27:06that's a terrible example
27:08never mind
27:09but you can get married at St Paul's
27:11but let's be honest
27:12it's probably going to be quite the pricey wedding
27:14if you want someone
27:15that's a little bit cheaper
27:16but still pretty iconic
27:17you can get married on the London Eye
27:19genuinely
27:20they've got a marriage licence
27:21they can legally
27:22wedge you
27:23at the top of the London Eye
27:24in front of your friends
27:25in front of your family
27:26in front of all of central London
27:28the only thing it's missing of course
27:30is