Reclaiming Life After Abuse: Kisha Edmunds' Powerful Story

Unfiltered Stories

Today on Unfiltered Stories, our guest Kisha Edmunds courageously shares her life experiences. As a child, Kisha endured unspeakable abuse from her stepfather, which had lasting impacts on her wellbeing. Now, as a survivor, she openly discusses how those traumatic events in her youth profoundly affected her life's journey and her path towards healing.   #CSA #trauma #survivorstories #mentalhealth #healing   Follow Kisha Edmunds here:  TT: https://www.tiktok.com/@kishaslegacy  IG: https://www.instagram.com/kishaslegacy  YT: https://youtube.com/@kishaslegacy   Thank you for watching Unfiltered Stories! We offer a platform for our guests to speak openly about their life stories and journeys, shedding light on the challenges they faced and the resilience they've shown.   Our mission is to raise awareness about survivors by delving into their stories, exploring the impact of their experiences, and how they've managed to heal and rebuild their lives.  By sharing these stories, we aim to break the silence surrounding those challenging memories and create a compassionate environment.   🌅 FOLLOW US 🌅  Facebook ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredFB  Tiktok ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredTT  Snapchat ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredSN

Transcript

00:00My name is Keisha Edmonds and my story is about how a ER visit would change my life forever.

00:05When I was five, I would be propositioned by my stepfather sexually in our new home

00:11that we had just moved to and he would put his hand under my nightgown and touch my private area.

00:18My abuse of my stepfather, it grew once he realized that he had direct access to me.

00:23It would continue on to about the age of 12 years. So when the abuse began,

00:27I did what every knowledgeable five-year-old would do. I told adults that didn't stop the abuse.

00:33So with me going to my mother about the abuse, my stepfather, he would use the telltale notion of

00:39that she doesn't like me. She doesn't like being on punishment. He used every excuse that he could

00:44for me not liking him as to why I would say that he was sexually abusing me because when it

00:49would

00:49occur, he used different types of ways to get me alone. That would be through punishments

00:57and discipline and me having to take naps. For a long time, I felt shame because my body reacted.

01:04I would have an orgasm in these encounters with him. That made me feel like I was in agreeance,

01:11like I was accepting what he was doing to me. And that affected me throughout my life for a long

01:17time.

01:18So when he was done, he would take the nearest washcloth and wipe me off. I could still smell him.

01:24If it wasn't punishment as to why I was being sexually abused, he would leave me money. The money

01:30would be the reward if I wasn't in trouble and he was sexual with me. I got special gifts that

01:37would

01:37be, you know, disguised under me being the only girl. It was seeing us, you know, me getting the

01:42princess treatment when all actuality, it was to keep me quiet. So we would go on our special rides with

01:47one another where he'd pull over and he'd break me in the backseat of the car. So with him being

01:54the

01:54head of those areas of my family, he was able to decide whether or not I could be in the

01:59home

01:59on punishment or outside with my friends. And following after that, I could remember them

02:04arguing, him defending himself, saying what would I want to do with a little girl? You're crazy.

02:10She's making it up. She just doesn't like me. She doesn't want me to be here anymore. I thought the

02:16abuse would have stopped and he would leave, but he ended up staying and he would continue to be

02:21there. Whenever he would come to my room, he was able to get to me whenever he really wanted to.

02:28There wasn't a real pattern about it. I now know as a child that he was doing hard drugs, such

02:35as

02:35and I can remember smelling the liquor and beer on his breath, there would be signs of me knowing

02:42that it was going to occur from him finding a reason to place me on punishment, sending me to

02:48my room to take a nap, or just taking the opportunity whenever it would be me and him alone in

02:53the home.

02:54I felt so afraid because he was the father of the home and my younger brother's father. So it felt

03:02like

03:02I was tearing her family apart by telling my mother. I felt that she was going to do what they

03:07said all adults would do whenever they found out their child was being harmed by someone and that

03:12was protect them and keep them away from them and to get rid of the problem. In my case, my

03:18mother

03:18would argue with my stepfather and you know they would go back and forth and we'd hear it just like

03:23every other argument that they had, but this one was personal. Days would go by, weeks would go by,

03:29he'd return just like every other time. It made me feel like I wasn't important. It got to a point

03:35with my mother where in a way I became the other woman because her man was interested in being

03:41sexually active with a child, her child. And I would hear her asking why me and what's the comparison

03:49as to why he would want to be with me and not with her. That was my mom and I

03:54needed my mom at that

03:55time and she wasn't there for me. As a child growing up, I was known to be very quiet, low

04:01self-esteem. I would look at the ground when I walked. I didn't like taking photos. It was like

04:06I didn't want to be seen in my childhood. And in the same token, I was a protector. I was

04:14looking over

04:14my friends from my stepfather and just in life general. I took on that role just being that person

04:20because I didn't have that for myself. Also, I dressed as a tomboy because me exposing my developing

04:27breasts and my curves and things of that nature would gain attention from males. And, you know,

04:33with me getting that unwanted attention at home, it stirred me in the other direction. I would wear

04:38baggy clothes and play football with the boys and not too much of dressing up and being grueling.

04:45I was in different after-school activities and programs that was offered in my community.

04:50I went to the local library and would read as many books as I could. And I used my love

04:56for reading

04:56and knowledge as a way to escape what was going on at home. I completely remember whenever my abuse

05:03stopped because it was an important part of my life. I was at the age of 12 and it was

05:08the day after

05:09my sixth grade promotion. We were leaving the elementary school and making our way up to the big

05:14kids school. And we got to stay home, the sixth graders who had just recently promoted. So my

05:20siblings weren't home. And I had woke up that morning and was ready to start my summer vacation.

05:25And I went to the bathroom. And when I went to the bathroom, I would experience an excruciating pain

05:32when I went to urinate that caused me to have to be taken to the hospital. My stepfather would be

05:40the

05:40one to take me to the hospital that day. While I was there, I would be treated for a sexy

05:44transmitted disease. While being in their care is where I finally let it out to someone outside

05:51of an adult close to me, an authority figure that I was being molested by my stepfather.

05:57Well, once they performed the rape kit on me and proceeded to run a test and coming up with a

06:04diagnosis of herpes simplex 2, questions started to be raised about how does a 12-year-old girl

06:11come in here for sexually transmitted diseases when she's saying she's not being active?

06:17So once I confided in the nurses in that room, because my mother wasn't present until

06:24they allowed her back to see me, I could hear her screaming in the background of the hospital

06:31of wanting to see me or why. They would begin to send me home with her with my medication.

06:37I was sent to live with my grandma for the summer. And following that, I would meet with

06:43children, youth, and family services. I met with a caseworker and spoke with him. I was sent to

06:49therapy so we could discuss what was happening with me. And I was interviewed by the police as well

06:55around that time. Once I seen the response that I got at the hospital from the nurses and the doctors

07:03of what my stepfather was doing to me and the fact that he did leave me there at that hospital

07:08is one of worry and concern. And I hadn't seen that. I hadn't personally experienced that as a kid

07:15of someone being so captivated or taken in by what was happening to me and was really sad for me.

07:22So

07:23seeing their responses made me start to think like, okay, something really is wrong.

07:28Like this isn't a good thing that's happening to me. But I just didn't understand why it kept

07:32happening to me. And that was the reason. But although I spoke to the police and the caseworker

07:37and the authorities knew about my abuse, my stepfather wouldn't be arrested for what he had

07:42done to me. If anything, he was invited back into my house. I took a walk with my mother and

07:47my younger

07:47brother, who is my stepfather's son. And she took a quick walk in our neighborhood. We didn't really

07:52have a vehicle. So we went on a walk and she started to talk to me about my stepfather and

07:57my feelings about him. And did I think that he meant what he had done to me and just really

08:03just

08:03trying to figure things out in regards to how I was feeling about him. But then we would go to

08:08this

08:08apartment and I had never been there before. And I'm in this alleyway. And when she had knocked on

08:14the door, my stepfather answered it. So at that point, I'm just really confused because I thought

08:20like he was gone, it would be over. But she brought me there so he can talk to me and

08:26apologize for

08:27what he had done to me and basically promising that he wouldn't do it again. During the visit

08:33with my stepfather, my mother asked me if he could come back into the house. As a 12 year old

08:37girl

08:38without her own father and my younger brother being there, I took that big sister role and I agreed for

08:44my stepfather to return home. From that moment plus 22 years later is exactly what that was. He was my

08:52stepfather. I had to live with him and treat him as such because that's how our mother made us treat

08:58him. So Father's Day, he was getting a gift. His birthday, he was going to be acknowledged. My abuse,

09:04my trauma, my disease would never be spoken ever again. It was left for me to deal with on my

09:10own.

09:11And that's what I did for 22 years until I couldn't hold it in anymore. Throughout the time of me

09:16having

09:16to live with my mother and stepfather, at the age of 16, I would become a teen mom and then

09:21I would

09:22have three children, three sons by the age of 21. Once I was able to finally get myself out of

09:28that home

09:29dynamic and pray that nothing would happen to my children while I was there, I would end up in my

09:35own place, have another child. She would be 12 years younger than my youngest son. It was her

09:41that prompted me to really question the family dynamic that I was in. And there was this feeling

09:48of this inner child in me screaming when I found out I was actually having a daughter. And it made

09:54me look at myself differently. Instead of me trying to figure out how I was wanting to care of her,

09:59I was really afraid of the environment that I was bringing her into. The kind of woman I was for

10:04holding such information from everyone, it really, really messed with my psyche to where I would

10:10question a lot of things whenever she was born at 21 weeks. At the age of 32, I would become

10:17pregnant

10:18with a daughter that prompted there to be a change in how I would think about how my life was

10:24up to

10:24that point. That feeling of putting her in harm's way and knowing the environment that I was putting

10:30her in scared me to my core. And I was willing to do any and everything to make sure she

10:35was safe.

10:36Those are feelings that I did not feel from my own mother. With Caden being born so early,

10:41she wasn't able to go to daycare like rather regular babies. So we enlisted my mother as her

10:47caretaker under the restriction that it was only at my home. My daughter's father and I spoke with her

10:54and made this rule, this boundary, and she broke it. She would allow my stepfather to be in my home

11:00with my daughter, not permitted. And me seeing how she was willing to put my daughter in harm's way,

11:08made me want to have to disconnect from them. And I fired her. Firing my mom as my daughter's

11:14caretaker would prompt my stepfather to contact me. That wasn't what we did. We did not go long

11:20without talking to our mother. She made sure that any issues we had with her were taken care of and

11:27resolved by us just accepting that's who she was. My stepfather would call me in to meet with me

11:32at our home. And I would go down to come, you know, meet with my mother and my stepfather

11:37about the episode that happened at my house that would prompt me to no longer be in contact with them.

11:44I broke contact with my mother and my stepfather. And my stepfather wanted to talk to me about it,

11:49thinking it had to do with why I had fired my mom. In that time away from the household and

11:55not

11:55speaking to anyone there, I began to really look at the dynamic and understand that my daughter wasn't

12:01safe with them and I wasn't safe with them. So whenever I met with my mother and stepfather,

12:07I confronted him for the abuse he had done to me all those years before and let him know that

12:13what

12:13he did to me was not okay. My stepfather did not touch me after the age of 12 like he

12:18had promised.

12:19But around the age of 15, we had a camcorder at our home and I found it in my hamper.

12:26And when we

12:28looked on the camera to see like what was going on while I was in my hamper, we would find

12:33a free

12:34recorded video of my stepfather positioning the camera and positioning it at my bed. And

12:42we saw him motioning as if he was taking off his pants on that film that was presented to my

12:50mother

12:50and the camcorder disappeared. But my stepfather stayed. I could never comprehend how he would do

12:57to me what he said was done to him being sexually abused by his own stepfather. And I just I

13:02just didn't

13:03accept it anymore. And I let them both know that I was cutting the cancer out of my life that

13:07they

13:08were never allowed to contact me or any of my children from that day forward. Once I left the

13:13meeting with my stepfather and confronting him and my mother, I began to have a visceral reaction.

13:19It felt as if my world was falling apart that I know because for so long I had been living

13:24this lie of

13:26this family and I played a position that was no longer going to be by my choice. So I started

13:32to really

13:32question life at that time and whether or not it was something I wanted to be a part of because

13:37the

13:37pain I was feeling, it never went away. It just stayed. And one day I looked over on my dresser

13:43and

13:43saw my new prescription of antidepressants that I had been prescribed and I was prepared to take all

13:50of them. I thought about my children and what I'd be leaving behind had I had ended my life at

13:56that

13:56moment. I went into a Facebook mother's greet and I posted anonymously and I told them my story,

14:02what I was going through and how I was feeling. I got a lot of feedback and a lot of

14:08advice. They

14:09didn't know who was talking in regards to being me, but they knew my story and a lot of the

14:14women

14:14related and a lot of them gave me resources to contact Pittsburgh Action Against Rape, which is PAR.

14:21I contacted them on their 24-7 online chat and again would tell my story and just really look

14:29for guidance because I was seeking therapy and based off what they offered, they offered free

14:34trauma-based therapy to victims of sexual abuse and that's what I went there for. But what I also

14:40learned in giving them my age at the time of my abuse and how long it lasted, I learned that

14:46the

14:47statute of limitations in Pennsylvania were extended and that I could go after my stepfather if I chose

14:54to for the abuse that had occurred 22 years before. Seeing the opportunity in front of me, I was in

14:59conflict after learning that I could go after my stepfather all these years later for the abuse he had

15:05done to me because I did just disown them and walked away from the family unit. But to see that

15:12there's

15:12an opportunity for me to get justice for myself that sat with me differently and I proceeded to

15:18follow the steps that were laid out to me in regards to what I could do and they PAR would

15:24give me an advocate to go with me to these different types of arraignments with the judicial process.

15:30So I began going after him criminally. I went to the station in the city where my abuse occurred and

15:38wrote my formal statement down on paper and that would be September 11th of 2020. My case is something

15:44I haven't really heard of but I would go in to file that formal statement in September and then the

15:51following year in May he would be leaving the courtroom in shackles off to prison. I would be so afraid

15:58during this time it felt like I was 10 all over again. I'd have to tell my story to more

16:03authorities

16:03which would be the detectives. We began my investigation by looking into my hospital records,

16:09looking into the records with the CYF, the Children Youth Family Services. There were some

16:15things that didn't come up. My medical records were lost due to going from digital, written to digital.

16:21There really wasn't a record for me with CYF. However, they did find a file with my name and my

16:29case

16:29number on it around the time that my abuse was occurring. So I was able to have things in my

16:36time frame that I was able to remember that were great pieces to put against my stepfather in regards

16:42to the case we were building up against my stepfather. There was a piece that the detectives wanted to

16:48try that I was okay with but they needed to do it a certain way. They wanted to interview my

16:53mom. With me

16:53having siblings in prison, they used that as a way to get hurt in the interrogation ring and during

17:00their interview with my mother, she would cooperate everything that I had told the detective and some.

17:07I had originally thought I told my mother about my abuse from my stepfather at the age of 10.

17:12She would confirm with the detectives that I told her at the age of five. My mother's statement is

17:18what gave the police the warrant to go after my stepfather. So he was arraigned on a plethora of

17:25charges. I think there had been around eight or nine of charges that he was arraigned for. So he went

17:31to

17:31the county jail and he was facing the charges in front of me, but he would be bailed out and

17:37it would

17:37be my mother who did it. My mother went in to his family and told them that I was lying

17:43and I was making

17:44it up and they believed her and they all put their money together to release my stepfather,

17:49but they needed a signature. That signature would be of my younger brother who was the one that I had

17:55let my stepfather back in for the beginning of all of this. So he was let out and he was

17:59free while we

18:00were going through this court trial, going through my case and I was extremely afraid. I would go and

18:08purchase a firearm. My local police knew of any cause of distress that would come from my address,

18:15what it was about. Every lie was put on high alert because I don't live too far from where my

18:21childhood home is and where my stepfather and mother resided. I was a bus ride away and a 10-minute

18:27drive away from them. So things were very scary for me at that time. I didn't know what to do.

18:32I was

18:32afraid for my children. They were teens and in high school and just living their lives and they had to

18:37worry about running into their grandma or their granddad. I was prepared to go against my stepfather

18:44in the court of law. I was prepared for a jury to hear my story and to find him guilty.

18:50But for me,

18:51it was bigger than getting the opinion of others on what I knew to be true and what I knew

18:56for my

18:57stepfather to be true. So whenever we were propositioned for a plea, I accepted because for me,

19:03it was him taking accountability for what he had done to me, something he had never ever said he had

19:10done the entire time. My stepfather and his attorney would come to me in a DA to discuss a plea

19:17arrangement, which I agreed to because for me, it really wasn't about a jury convicting him. It was him

19:25taking accountability for what he had done to me all those years. I would agree to a sentence of five

19:30to seven

19:31years of him being incarcerated in prison. For me, that five to seven years, it represented the years

19:38that I was being abused by him. Whenever I had to face him in the courtroom at the day of

19:44him accepting

19:45his plea and me addressing the court because I did give a victim impact statement at that time,

19:50the entire time I would feel bad that I was going after my stepfather for what he did to me.

19:57I guess

19:57that would be a form of programming, but my feelings nonetheless, I felt it. So with him being in that

20:02courtroom, dressed and ready for prison, I felt happy that I was able to do that for my younger

20:10self. Because although I was in this adult woman's body, my younger self was inside and she was

20:17celebrating. Me going public and sharing my story with the world, for me at first, it was very scary.

20:25It was a part of myself that I had kept silent for so long and was met with people who

20:30did not

20:31believe me, who I thought would believe me. Going out in front of a camera and telling my story first

20:37to those who knew me because I did go online and I had to confront my mother because she was

20:44going

20:45behind everyone's back and telling people not to support me whenever I did begin to speak out about

20:51the abuse about my stepfather. So when I decided to create my platform, Keisha's Legacy, I made it so

20:57where people who were like me, who experienced trauma like mine, can feel as if they are being heard

21:03because your voice matters. And through my voice, I share the story of my own resilience, how my mental

21:12health has been affected by the trauma in childhood. Just carrying on a regular day is difficult because

21:20I deal with PTSD and I'm raising children while still having to heal my own wounds and that is

21:28difficult on its own. Yeah, Keisha's Legacy is for those who have been silent so they don't have to

21:35feel silence anymore. And the responses I've seen thus far has been an empowering one that makes me want to

21:41continue to share my voice and to give resources to people who may not know that they could go after

21:49an abuser if they wanted to. That there are resources available to where you can get free therapy

21:55and therapy is not taboo. You know that it does help. I have a testament that therapy does work and

22:03if I

22:03could, I would tell everybody to find the one because it's amazing. And to break the stigma, however long

22:10ago it happened does not mean what happened to you isn't important. It doesn't mean that you should

22:16get over it. If it happened, it needs to be handled. Whether it's you getting your mental health taken

22:22care of or you going after the perpetrator. But these wounds do not heal with time. They heal with work.

22:29I have tons of advice that I give through my own journey and what I've learned is that the silence

22:35gets louder the longer you do it. If you tell someone that something has happened to you and you've been

22:43hurt, if they asked you to be quiet, if they asked you to turn the other eye or give any

22:52reason as to

22:53why you should not get help, they are not there to protect you. They are not for you. Go around

23:01until

23:01someone acts on your behalf. How things are with me now, I am 37 going on 38 March 9th. My

23:09children,

23:10they're thriving. Caden is my little mini-me. She follows me everywhere. I do plan on putting

23:16updates of our relationship and how things are going for me on my platforms, Tisha's Legacy,

23:22and that's on YouTube and Instagram and TikTok. Also, I am in the process of becoming a published

23:30author. I am participating in the seventh volume of scenes from a single mom. We will be dropping

23:36that in July where I'll be sharing my story as it pertains to me being a single mom and navigating

23:42life as a single mom, a teen mom who experienced my hypertrauma and how I was able to still maintain

23:50and be during those terrible times in my life and to give advice to other women and survivors on how

23:59you can navigate life going through something at one point in time because you're a victim once.

24:05That's it. You're always a survivor. Life after sending my stepfather to prison has been amazing for me.

24:11It's been rough in the healing process because I've been doing an extensive form of therapy,

24:16which is EMDR. And me and my therapists have been working through those really tough areas in my

24:24development to where I'm able to now embrace myself as a whole. I'm not ashamed. I'm not harping on to

24:32any old feelings of resentment to anyone in the past because I've healed so much so that negative

24:41feelings no longer reside in me. And I'm forever thankful to myself because it takes you to get

24:47through that part. And as far as that, it affected my life in all ways. It changed me as a

24:52mother.

24:53I'm a more patient mother. I'm able to meet my children where they are. I'm not triggered by my

24:58daughter anymore because for a long time I was being triggered just by her existing because I kept

25:05putting myself in her place and being afraid for her. But now I'm able to trust myself and trust that

25:13regardless of the circumstances, they're always going to be protected by me and that I am capable

25:19of keeping my life running. Do the healing, do the work, and cut the unnecessary ties out because if

25:28they're not for you, they don't need to be for you.

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