Today on Unfiltered Stories, Tammy Leavy bravely shares her harrowing experience of enduring 8 years of sexual abuse at the hands of her mother's husband, whom she calls the MONSTER. For years, no one believed her until her aunt acted as a decoy and caught him in the act. Tammy's story is one of incredible resilience and survival. Join us to hear how she overcame unimaginable trauma and found the strength to expose her abuser and reclaim her life.
#survivorstories #childhoodabuse #resilience #overcomingtrauma
Follow Tammy on FB: @TammyLeavy
Tammy's Book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1952752302
Thank you for watching Unfiltered Stories! We offer a platform for our guests to speak openly about their life stories and journeys, shedding light on the challenges they faced and the resilience they've shown.
Our mission is to raise awareness about survivors by delving into their stories, exploring the impact of their experiences, and how they've managed to heal and rebuild their lives.
By sharing these stories, we aim to break the silence surrounding those challenging memories and create a compassionate environment.
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#survivorstories #childhoodabuse #resilience #overcomingtrauma
Follow Tammy on FB: @TammyLeavy
Tammy's Book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1952752302
Thank you for watching Unfiltered Stories! We offer a platform for our guests to speak openly about their life stories and journeys, shedding light on the challenges they faced and the resilience they've shown.
Our mission is to raise awareness about survivors by delving into their stories, exploring the impact of their experiences, and how they've managed to heal and rebuild their lives.
By sharing these stories, we aim to break the silence surrounding those challenging memories and create a compassionate environment.
🌅 FOLLOW US 🌅
Facebook ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredFB
Tiktok ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredTT
Snapchat ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredSN
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NewsTranscript
00:00My name is Tammy Levy. I am the author of a book called I Survived. The book is about a
00:04journey of
00:05healing, of trauma, triumph that took place in my life at an early age. So I grew up in Rockford,
00:11Illinois on Elm Street. This house was like a house of where all my trauma began. In this house
00:18at first was just me and my mother. My mother later on had a boyfriend, later on married him,
00:24and after she married him years later, my stepsister came and stayed with us. Me and my
00:28mother had a fragile relationship. My mother had an incident at work where she bent over and her
00:36bra strap got caught in a machine and cut her back in half. My mother later started taking pain pills.
00:43After the pain pills became, after the, became. This came in stages of my life where some of the
00:52trauma took place. After she got married, my mother would leave for months at a time. When her would
00:57come down, then she would come home. She would sleep for days. Later on, I also realized that my mom
01:04was hiding her pain, which she didn't have an outlet. And so at that time, smoking was an outlet.
01:11Every Friday, I can remember having card games at our home where she had friends over and they would
01:17fry catfish. They would bring spaghetti. They would be different people at our home. But I also remember
01:23how her husband looked at me. The molestation started at six years old. I stayed at home.
01:28He stayed at home. And so this was the perfect opportunity for him to take advantage of me
01:33because she was never home. And so I would have to fight this monster every night. So when she would
01:38leave, I wouldn't know when she would come back home. I would oftentimes look out this window that
01:43I had in the house on Elm Street, which was a side window. And I would listen for the doors
01:48for her to
01:48come home. And she would sometimes leave and just say, hey, I'm going to the store. I'm going to see
01:53one of my friends. Well, those visits turned into days. There was no cell phones at the time. There
01:58were house phones. I would run to the phone every time it would ring. But it would be somebody looking
02:03for her. I oftentimes would ask my mother's husband if he could find my mother. And he would say, shut
02:09up.
02:09She'll be home when she's home. Then he would leave. But I oftentimes would be home by myself.
02:15There was days my mother was home. She was cooking. She was there. But after that incident with her
02:22back, I noticed that my mom just could not take what was going on. As the pain increased, that's
02:28when the character of my mom changed. My mother was a good mother until this happened. But I didn't
02:33disown my mom. So my mom was dating this man before her accident. And so later on, they got married.
02:41At the age of six, I was touched inappropriately by her husband, a man who would come in my room
02:47and touch me every single night. When I was at the age of having administration, he would still
02:53touch me. I was touched in every hole that I had. It didn't matter if I screamed. I oftentimes was
02:59tied
02:59up by my hands. I was tied up by my feet. I was crying for help and no one was
03:05there. We had a neighbor
03:06that lived upstairs. I can remember the bathroom had a hole in it at the top of it. And I
03:11thought
03:12she would hear me. And sometimes she would come downstairs and sit on the porch and she was like,
03:16you guys were up late last night. And I'm wondering when I was up late at night, what did you
03:22hear?
03:23The screams that I had, I know were not a normal scream. I don't know if he ever told her.
03:30I don't
03:30know if she knew. All I know is that every night I had to fight and it didn't matter. He
03:36would stand
03:36in the doorway. He would be butt naked. He would have his penis in his hand and he would be
03:40looking
03:40at me and staring at me. It started at six and it went to the age of 14. I can
03:45remember in my teen age
03:47that I got really tired of it. So I slept with a knife under my pillow. I decided to fight
03:51back.
03:52So this night he decided to punch me. He decided to slap me. He decided to tell me I was
03:59up. He told
04:00me I was black. I was ugly. Nobody would ever want me. He don't understand why I would not just
04:07have
04:07his baby. He would say some of the most awful things to me. When you're tied up, your mouth is
04:13covered and you have this man who is probably six foot, 200 and something pounds on a hundred pound
04:19girl. How do you fight? How do you stop him from putting it in any hole that he could? He
04:24would
04:24stand over me. He would ejaculate in my face. He would then laugh and rub it in my face and
04:31then
04:31he would tell me I'll be back tomorrow and if you tell anybody I'll kill you and I'll kill them
04:36too.
04:36I believed him. Growing up in our household we were told you don't tell anybody anything that goes on in
04:42your home. We were threatened. Anything that goes on in this house stays in this house. That's why I was
04:47silent. If you're trained at six to not say anything, you don't say anything and so one day
04:52I feel like I got stifled because I knew he would come. I knew that I wouldn't be able to
04:57rest. I
04:58oftentimes would fall asleep in school. Oftentimes my grades were slacking but when I would go to
05:04school that's when I would find peace but I still didn't know how to interact with people because I
05:09felt like I had to be somebody that I really wasn't but it was because I didn't know who I
05:13was.
05:14I'm Tammy to you but I don't know who Tammy is. Tammy has a person that she has to fight
05:21every
05:21night and so some nights I didn't have any fight in me. I don't care if it was from 11
05:27o'clock to 5
05:28o'clock. If I fought with him he kept coming back. He would snatch the covers off me. If I
05:34would take a
05:34shower he would bust in the in the bathroom while I was showering and just stand there and play with
05:39itself. It was almost like I was having a mental breakdown and nobody could see it because how am
05:45I supposed to be in a house that has no peace? I oftentimes would say I'm not going to sleep.
05:52I
05:52would sit up. He would snatch me by my legs and pull me down. He would grab my legs so
05:56hard and
05:57spread them apart and he would put his fingers in me. It didn't matter if I had panties on or
06:01not. He
06:02would rip my panties. When my mom would wash sometimes she was like what is going on with
06:06your underwear? Why are your underwear looking like this? She's like you're not washing good.
06:12You're not wiping good and it would just be that and she would throw him away and it would be
06:15this
06:15long lecture afterwards. I just wanted her to come home one time and catch him on top of me. He
06:21would
06:22leave the door open and if he heard the noise he would jump up. I can remember him jumping up
06:27several
06:27times and running to see if anybody was in and then once he saw the coast was clear he would
06:32still come
06:33back in and he would finish what he was doing and he would not leave until he finished. He was
06:38obsessed with me. He would come when I got involved with sports. He would come and sit in the bleachers
06:44and
06:44just look at me stare at me and I can oftentimes just remember calling him like I would say to
06:50him
06:50I hate you and he will be like I love you. I will never forget it and how he said
06:56it to me. I became this
06:58person that he called me. I became this ugly person. Every time I looked in the mirror I thought
07:03I was this ugly person. The picture on my book shows a little girl and a woman and it has
07:08a
07:08teardrop. Oftentimes I had to speak to myself and tell myself you're not her anymore. It wasn't until
07:14I went and decided to get counseling that now I'm able to go back and tell my story to help
07:20to heal
07:20and to fully understand that you can survive some of those things but you have to be free. You have
07:27to
07:27learn that suppressing the feelings that you are you have cannot help. So all these years I thought
07:33I was healed until I would have a trigger. It wasn't until I got married that I realized I didn't
07:39like certain touches. That I didn't like anyone to just jump on me. I didn't like anyone that would
07:45just come in a room and stare at me. It would be certain things that would trigger me that I
07:50realized
07:51I need to get help. Those relationships sometimes they would end up in someone cheating because I
07:58wasn't very sexual. I wasn't that person that they wanted in the bedroom and so I thought I had to
08:05just lay and be quiet because I was trained from the age of 6 to 14 to not say anything
08:12because my
08:12mouth was covered. So how do you have an intimate relationship with the one that you are unconditionally
08:18in love with? Well you have to start releasing those things and learning to love yourself and to
08:26know that intimacy is right with your husband. So I had to learn another touch. Oftentimes when men would
08:33tell me they love me I didn't know how to accept what they were saying because I've heard that. But
08:38I
08:38oftentimes still struggle with am I really pretty? Am I really beautiful? So if my husband tells me at
08:45times you look really nice you're pretty I will oftentimes go back to the mirror and I didn't see
08:50that. But now I'm starting to heal and I know that my heart is beautiful and that's what makes me
08:56beautiful. And so anything I always say anything made after the image of God is beautiful. At the age of
09:0214 I decided that I couldn't take it anymore. I had several aunties that loved me but never knew what
09:09was going on. They always seen me and you know they showed so much love. I was just praying to
09:14God
09:14one day and this auntie happened to come over that day. And at that time my mother wasn't there. And
09:21so
09:22I pulled my auntie to the side and I told her what was happening. And she said what? And so
09:27this is what
09:28we did. I had bunk beds when my stepsister came to live with me. She would sleep at the top.
09:33I would
09:34sleep at the bottom. When he would want to come into the room he would take her to the front
09:38to the
09:38living room. We had a brown couch. He would lay his daughter on the couch. And so my auntie was
09:45like
09:45we're gonna set him up. And so we had a closet and it had this latch lock on it. My
09:50auntie put me in
09:51the closet that night. I was quiet. She said do not move. Do not make a sound. I stayed in
09:57that closet.
09:57I can remember for about two to three four hours. And my auntie got in the top bunk bed because
10:04we would
10:05switch. Me and my sister would switch. And so that night he knew I was at the top of the
10:09bunk bed.
10:10He thought I was. And so the bunk bed had a little ladder. And so I remember him because she
10:17was
10:18telling me he got to the end of the bed and he pulled the cover. He was rubbing on her
10:23leg and he
10:24pulled the cover and she popped up. And she said and he he ran out of the house with no
10:32underwear on
10:32but booty naked with a erection and ran out the house. She jumped out of the bed. She had a
10:39knife
10:39and I can just hear a lot of commotion. And so where we stayed was on a corner house and
10:44it had
10:45a little parking lot feel. And it was a project called fairgrounds. And so he had a lady that he
10:52was dealing with in fairgrounds and he ran to her house. I was let out of the closet. We called
10:58the
10:58police. My auntie stayed there with me. She called my father and informed my father what was going on.
11:04My father lived in Mississippi at the time. He was married. And so my father came to town to get
11:10me.
11:11And he said I'm gonna kill him. My father stayed here for a week. But my dad worked on an
11:16oil rig and
11:17so he had to get back to work. So the choice was me to go back with him. I can
11:21remember my mom coming
11:22home. My auntie walked the streets looked for her. My mom was at a friend's house came home. My auntie
11:29told my mom what happened. And my mother instantly said she's lying. And my auntie said I was in the
11:36top bed when he went to touch her. And she looked at my my auntie and she just looked in
11:41like disbelief.
11:42I can remember her face and I can remember her sitting in the chair. And she jumped up in my
11:47face
11:47and she said what did you do to my husband to make him want you. And I said I've been
11:53trying to tell
11:54you. She said you're a liar. And so the police came and they asked my mom all these questions. They
12:00sat
12:00me down. They asked me all these questions. When it was time for my mom to press charges my mom
12:05didn't
12:05press charges. My mom told me she didn't believe me. It was so bad that I had to have surgery
12:11on my
12:12vagina from this man being so large. And so when I went to the doctor it was a time where
12:18the doctor
12:19went out of the room and came back and grabbed my hand and said I'm sorry. A big investigation went
12:25on.
12:26My mom could not handle it. And I can remember before my dad got home my mom looked at me
12:31with
12:31this look and she said I'm disgusted by you. I don't understand why you would want my husband.
12:37She blamed me for what he did to me. My father came in town and I left with him. I
12:42ended up coming
12:43back and staying with my mother but it wasn't until she was divorced from him. I did not have children
12:50until I was 21 when I had my first daughter. But I you know how everybody thought that on prom
12:57night
12:57that would be the night. So everybody thought that I lost my virginity on prom night. I didn't lose my
13:03virginity then. I lost my virginity at six. I didn't get a chance to tell anyone who or I didn't
13:08get a
13:08choice of who I wanted. This man had me in a I didn't like sex. I didn't want sex. I
13:16started dating
13:16some guys and when I would have sex I was trying to find the pleasure that my friends talked about.
13:23I would lay there like a lump on a log. I went into this with John girl who I felt
13:27like was a nun
13:28because I knew nothing about bedroom experiences. I just thought my friends had sex. I'll have sex.
13:34And so what they thought were great sex it was a learning experience for me. And so when I really
13:40started liking someone I thought I had to let them do everything that he did to me. I thought that
13:47I
13:47had to lay there with my mouth open for them to penetrate. Or I thought that I had to just
13:54whatever
13:54you want to do to me I'm just here. So there was no connection. I'm just now finding connection with
14:01sex. But it has a hindrance on my sexual life. I feel like sometimes I go back to my childhood
14:08where
14:08I want to get in the bed first and I want to go to sleep first. And if someone pulls
14:13the cover I'm
14:14like I gotta jump up. I'm just now finding like who I am. Who Tammy is. What Tammy can bring.
14:20How Tammy
14:21can make Tammy feel before I can make my husband feel. So I've been in therapy for two years and
14:27that therapy has helped me. And I thank God that I have a husband that is patient. That is passionate.
14:34That is not pushy when it comes to we have to have sex. And so I'm grateful for that. My
14:40mother took a
14:41large amount of because my mother used to watch my kids. I was a hairstylist cosmetologist for 30 years.
14:48So when I moved back to Rockford my mom would watch my kids. Everyone would think that those
14:54were my mom's kids because she would take them everywhere. I would work sometimes from 6am to
14:592am. I was just trying to make a living at the time. And so one day I pulled up at
15:06my mother's
15:06house. My mother was sitting on her front porch and she was sitting with her ex-husband at the time
15:13which was the monster. And so when I seen that I knew that my two girls were in the house.
15:19I
15:19instantly was enraged. And so I went in the house and I first when I saw them and I walked
15:25up to the
15:26stairs I went into like a rage. And I was like I cannot believe you're talking to him. Someone that
15:32hurt your daughter. And I just went on. I just went on and I said so many things. And all
15:37I could think
15:37about was him looking at my girls. And I lost it. And I went in the house. I got my
15:42kids. And I didn't
15:43talk to my mother for two months. And I can remember getting a knock on the door stating that
15:48my mom was at the hospital. In between that time I hadn't talked to my mom. And so her neighbor
15:53came
15:54and told me she was at the hospital. And so I didn't go right away. It wasn't until the second
16:00day
16:00I didn't go to the hospital. The third day I went to the hospital. I was advised that my mom
16:04had took a
16:05large amount of pain. And that her heart was pretty much exploding. And so I knew my mother
16:10was on. It was many nights that I would wake up out of my sleep when I was married and
16:14go try to
16:15find her. On that third day at the hospital my mom said to me I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all
16:21the things
16:21that I've done to you. You're my only child. And at that time I just wanted an apology. Even during
16:27all
16:27those years I still had to love my mom. I still had to take care of my mom. We heard
16:31cold blue room 203
16:34heart unit. That's my mom's room. So I run. They're on top of my mom and they're giving her
16:39compressions. I see her feet jump. They get her back. They rush her downstairs. I hear cold blue.
16:45It's my mom. The fourth cold blue. I see a nurse walking toward me. I see a chaplain walking toward
16:51me. And I'm sitting on a bench away from everybody. By this time the hospital is filled with family and
16:56friends. And the nurse comes and says I'm looking for Tammy. And I say that's me. The chaplain comes and
17:01sit by me. He says we're sorry. They did everything they could. Am I healed from it? Yes. The monster
17:08paid for his crime. Although my mom didn't press charges another mother did. And so yes he went to
17:13jail and he passed away in jail. So 2012 I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I fought that battle.
17:20I had a very very great support system. In 2016 I fought lung cancer and I have one lung. It's
17:30amazing
17:30because I was told I didn't have cancer. And so they watched it. They watched it for a year. They
17:35go in to do a biopsy. I'm in the hospital for two months. Because he went in and took the
17:42cancer
17:42out. I ended up having to get my lung removed because it was cancerous. My kids had to make
17:47the decision of whether they wanted to save my life. And so here I am right now with one
17:52cancer. I am showing others that it doesn't matter what you go through. I had a battle. When
17:59I say I battle I battle. I can remember not being able to walk from the bathroom to the
18:04to the bed. I would be so winded. But now I am a MAT MAC coordinator for
18:12abuse. And the amazing part of it is I work on the same property where I was tortured.
18:18And now I'm helping others. I survived things that would take people to do. And I chose because
18:24of what I've seen in my mother. And that's why I can say she taught me things. Even in her
18:28worst days she taught me how to be a survivor because of what I've seen her suffer through.
18:34Her suffering caused me to survive.