- 3 months ago
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00:01.
00:07Ground floor, perfumeries, stationery and leather goods,
00:10wigs and haberdashery, kitchenware and food going up.
00:19Birth floor, telephones, gents, ready-made suits,
00:22shirts, socks, pies, hats, underwear and shoes going up.
00:26Don't worry about the length of the fingers, sir.
00:29You'll find they'll ride up with wear.
00:33And I'm sure you'll find they'll give every satisfaction,
00:37don't you agree, Mr Humphries?
00:38Oh, yes, Mr Granger.
00:39It's very difficult to distinguish that plastic imitation leatherette
00:42from the real imitation leatherette.
00:45And you'll find that the lining will keep the hands wonderfully warm,
00:49won't it, Mr Humphries?
00:51Warm as toast, Mr Granger.
00:52Yes, of course it was.
00:53That's because it's made of real imitation simulated nylon fur fabric, you see, sir.
00:58Thank you, Mr Luther.
01:00I wore a pair of those myself last season
01:03and I had quite a lot of satisfaction, didn't I, Mr Granger?
01:09I believe you did, Mr Humphries.
01:13During the freeze-up last winter, you know,
01:15when I couldn't fill my hot water bottle,
01:17I wore a pair on those by on my feet
01:18and I got quite a lot of satisfaction too, didn't I, Mr Humphries?
01:21What you say, Mr Lucas, has a distinct ring of truth about it,
01:25despite the fact that you've only been with us two months.
01:28As a matter of fact, though, for the wise brother,
01:30I don't like him very much.
01:32Well, in that case, sir, you couldn't have made a better choice.
01:38Mr Slocum, that man's been hanging round our underwear counter for the past ten minutes.
01:43Oh, dear.
01:44Do you think he's one of those?
01:46One of what?
01:47A bon voyeur.
01:49You know, they're the people who look but don't touch.
01:53Oh, I've never been out with one of those.
01:57Are you being served, sir?
01:59No.
02:04Do you have a male assistant on this counter?
02:06No, sir.
02:07This is ladies' underwear.
02:08I just thought you might have a man to help you.
02:10No, sir.
02:11There isn't much demand for that sort of thing at Graceville.
02:15Ah.
02:16Well, er...
02:18I want to purchase a bra.
02:20What size do you take?
02:23That'll do, Miss Brahms.
02:24Oh, no, no, no. It's for my fiancée.
02:26She's a young girl.
02:27Oh, congratulations.
02:30Have you any idea what size the young lady takes?
02:35Well...
02:36Miss Brahms, go and polish something.
02:40I managed to knock this off when she wasn't looking.
02:43Oh, how clever of you.
02:46Mmm.
02:48She's a healthy girl, isn't she?
02:52Miss Brahms, get out the 44s.
02:56The Kilimanjaro range.
03:03Mr. Lucas.
03:08Did you beckon me, Captain Peacock?
03:10By standing up there near the lifts, you're out of your territory, you know.
03:13Your place is at the other end of the counter to allow Mr. Granger and Mr. Humphreys first choice of
03:18the customers.
03:18Yeah, well, that's all very well, but I mean, I haven't had a customer all day.
03:22Mr. Granger.
03:28I wasn't complaining, Mr. Granger.
03:33Mind you, if I'm not allowed to earn any commission, I can probably live for another two or three days
03:37before I starve to death.
03:38Well, I think perhaps we have been a little hard on him, you know.
03:42I'm sure that my colleague and I could hold back a little.
03:47Mr. Humphreys, are you free?
03:50Yes, I'm free, Mr. Granger.
03:54The next customer will be Mr. Lucas.
03:58Understood, Mr. Granger.
03:59Thank you, Mr. Granger.
04:01Thank you, Mr. Humphreys.
04:02Thank you again, Mr. Captain Peacock.
04:05Isn't it time for your tea break, Mr. Lucas?
04:08I've given it up.
04:09In that case, your customer is approaching, Mr. Lucas.
04:12Carry on, Mr. Luton.
04:15Just my luck.
04:20Good afternoon, sir. Can I help you, sir?
04:23Aye, well, I hope so.
04:25Do you have any good, stout, long-lasting, hard-wearing tweed?
04:32Yes, well, let me think.
04:34Do we have any good, stout, long-lasting, hard-wearing tweed?
04:40Something in the jacket line, perhaps, sir?
04:42No, no.
04:43Something in the trues line.
04:44Trues?
04:45Trues, ma'am.
04:47Brieks.
04:48Harris tweed briefs.
04:51Brieks, that's trousers, Mr. Lucas.
04:53Yes, of course, sir.
04:55Yes, yes, trousers.
04:56Yes, trousers.
04:57And what waist are you, sir?
04:5936.
05:01But 40 would be more comfortable.
05:0436 but 40.
05:05And your inside legs, sir?
05:07Measure it.
05:18I beg your pardon.
05:20Measure it.
05:22I've always worn the kilt.
05:23Never worn breeks in my life.
05:31Just a minute.
05:33Mr. Granger, can I borrow your tape measure?
05:35I've...
05:36I've got to take that gentleman's inside leg.
05:42I'd prefer that you borrowed Mr. Humphreys.
05:50Mr. Humphreys, do me a favour, take that man's inside leg.
05:52Don't ask me.
05:53I've given it up for Lent.
05:57Anyway, it's your customer.
05:58Well, all right then.
05:59Well, lend me your tape measure.
06:00Oh, here.
06:01But don't lose it anywhere.
06:03Hang on a minute.
06:07What's going on?
06:08What's going on?
06:08I'm warming the end of it.
06:21Which side do you wear your sporran, sir?
06:22On the left...
06:25Oh, get on with it, man.
06:31Where exactly do you think you're going with that thing?
06:34I'm just messing with your inside leg, sir.
06:35Away, you ignorant sassana.
06:37In Scotland, we always measure the inside leg from the outside.
06:41Just about there.
06:42I'm at that 32, including the sporran.
06:46Do you think it suits me?
06:48Oh, yes, it does, madam.
06:50And those artificial cherries are very youth-making.
06:53Don't you think so, Miss Brown?
06:55Oh, yes, Mrs. Slocum.
06:56Takes years off her.
06:58Thank you, Miss Brown.
07:00And that green goes so well with madam's eyes.
07:03I've got brown eyes.
07:05That's what I mean.
07:07The sort of brown that goes so well with green.
07:10Gives you a sort of film star look.
07:13Marlene Dietrich.
07:14But she's in her 70s.
07:16Well, she wasn't when she was about 40.
07:19Do you think I should wear the brim up or down?
07:25Down.
07:29Have you got one cut a bit lower?
07:34Would you mind remaining in the fitting room, madam?
07:37You see, we share our accommodation with gents ready-made,
07:40and they've got eyes like orcs.
07:42Well, they can't wait in their hours for you to come and serve me.
07:45Any trouble, Mrs. Slocum?
07:47I thought you'd be over.
07:50I'm just asking your salesgirl if she's got one cut a bit lower.
07:55How much lower did you have in mine?
07:58I'll deal with it, Captain Peacock.
08:01Miss Browns, get out a 38C platform with heavy-duty straps.
08:08Will you take the hat, madam?
08:11No.
08:12No.
08:13I think I'll try on a pair of shoes instead.
08:17I see.
08:19Captain Peacock?
08:20Yes, Mrs. Slocum?
08:22Would you direct madam to the shoe department?
08:24Certainly.
08:25Will you come this way, madam?
08:26I'm so sorry we couldn't find anything to go with your face, madam.
08:30But no doubt you'll try us again.
08:34Awkward cow.
08:37Mrs. Slocum, they've come out.
08:44I beg your pardon, Mr. Mess.
08:45What have come out?
08:46The transport.
08:47The trains, buses, the lot.
08:49Look.
08:49They're out.
08:50Traffic chaos.
08:51Here.
08:52Up the workers.
08:53Mr. Rumble says there'll be a meeting in his office at 5.30 today.
08:57Read the transport strike.
08:58Oh, just us heads of departments or the staff as well.
09:02Oh, everybody.
09:03Does that include meeting?
09:04No.
09:05Isn't it marvellous, eh?
09:07I'm not even everybody.
09:08I'm nobody.
09:11True.
09:14Well, you've all seen the news.
09:15I'm afraid the transport situation is very grave.
09:18But I'm proud to say that Grace Brothers is going to rise to the occasion.
09:22Oh, are we going to man the buses, sir?
09:24Mrs. Slocum will make a marvellous clippy.
09:26She's got plenty of room on top.
09:28Don't encourage him, Miss Brands.
09:31Now, which of us has cars?
09:34Oh, dread it.
09:34I let the chauffeur have mine.
09:36I had an old banger before the war.
09:39I mean, Mrs. Granger made him give her up.
09:44Mine's off the road being prepared for my continental touring holiday.
09:47Oh, going to the Isle of Wight again, are you?
09:49Okay.
09:51Now, is any of us within walking distance?
09:53Well, I could be home by the morning if I set off now.
09:58It's as I thought.
09:59We are, in a sense, stranded here.
10:01Unfortunately, Mr. Grace has kindly given his permission
10:04for the employees to spend the night inside the store.
10:07Where are we going to sleep?
10:08On the floor.
10:09I'm not sleeping on the floor.
10:11I mean, on the department floor.
10:13On whatever bedding or other devices that we can improvise.
10:17Can Miss Brands and I bag the water bed on the fourth floor?
10:19Only if you sleep inside it.
10:23We're all staying on our own floors.
10:25It's been agreed.
10:25Yes, but what about privacy?
10:27I mean, we can't all just kick down like Sodom and Gomorrah.
10:32I'll spawn an egg girl.
10:36I think Mrs. Slocum has raised a very valid point.
10:40I think there should be some separation between the sexes.
10:43And also within the sexes.
10:48Perhaps the ladies could sleep in the fitting room.
10:50Miss Brands and I are not sleeping in that pokey hole with no air.
10:54Well, I'll tell you what.
10:55You kip down with the rest of us
10:56and I'll get you a couple of chastity bouts
10:57other than novelty department.
10:59Just because it's after half past five
11:02doesn't give you carte blanche to be coarse, Mr. Lucas.
11:05Now, what we have to do is to improvise.
11:08Now, let's all think very carefully.
11:15Camping.
11:16I beg your pardon.
11:19Camping!
11:20Were you never in the Scouts, Mr. Humphreys?
11:22Well, not officially, no.
11:26Tents.
11:27We have tents.
11:29Tents?
11:29Well, if we're going to sleep in tents,
11:31I want one with a stout boat.
11:33Mrs. Slocum,
11:34I feel sure I can speak for all the men here
11:37when I tell you that we will not, as you seem to suppose,
11:39behave like mad dogs as soon as the lights are out.
11:43Hear, hear.
11:46We're all in this together.
11:47It's up to us to make the best of it, hm?
11:50Let's see what we can fix up.
11:53Camping equipment, please.
12:01Well, I can't...
12:02Well, it won't go, you see.
12:03I can't get it in, you see, Captain Peacock.
12:05Do do it for me inside.
12:06Yes, all right.
12:06Get inside, Mrs.
12:07Get the spigot into the socket.
12:10I'm sorry!
12:16I can see that you were never in the army, Mr. Humphreys.
12:21Well, I don't see why I couldn't have spent the night in the toy department
12:23in Peter Pan's house with Wendy and the crocodile.
12:26Are you referring to Wendy from the gramophone department?
12:28Oh, would you fancy her as well?
12:31Captain Peacock, are you free?
12:33Yes, Mrs. Slocum.
12:34Could I have your assistance for a moment?
12:36Certainly.
12:38There's no curtain at my window.
12:42I shouldn't worry, Mrs. Slocum.
12:43I mean, you'll be sleeping on the floor and only a very tall person could see anything
12:48and even then he'd have to stand on tiptoes.
12:51That's what I was thinking.
12:54But apart from that, I mean, one usually finds that condensation steams up the windows.
12:58I can assure you, Captain Peacock, that sleeping on an air bed under an army blanket,
13:03I'm not likely to get up much steam.
13:06Oh, yes, yes.
13:07And there's another thing.
13:08How am I supposed to do the zip up from inside?
13:12Well, perhaps the best thing, Mrs. Slocum, would be to get someone else to zip you up after you're in.
13:17Yes, but what if, for some reason or other, I wanted to leave in a hurry in the night?
13:23Well, if you think that sort of emergency might occur, it might be wiser to leave your zip open.
13:28Oh, it all seems very primitive.
13:42Pyjamas, lovely right pyjamas, get your pyjamas off me.
13:45Here you are, fresh pyjamas, fresh from the sales discount department.
13:49Here you are, Mrs.
13:50Room for you and a friend.
13:53What awful common things.
13:55Oh, well, I suppose they're better than nothing.
13:58I think I'd prefer you in nothing.
14:01Miss Brahms, our sleepwear has arrived.
14:04What size are you?
14:05Oh, not for me, thanks. I never wear anything in bed.
14:08I don't like rough things next to my skin.
14:10Well, lucky you ain't got me in there with you.
14:14You will wear pyjamas tonight, Miss Brahms.
14:17Suppose there was a fire and you had no clothes on.
14:19Oh, I'd be first to be rescued.
14:22Get them on, Miss Brahms.
14:24I can't wear these.
14:26They're men's. There's a flap at the front.
14:29Well, find a safety pin and wear them the wrong way round.
14:34What?
14:37Who's in here then?
14:38I am, and mind where you're putting your hands.
14:41Want some jammers?
14:42No, thank you.
14:43From a friend of mine in the gentleman's boutique.
14:47Good life.
14:49Anna Mae Wong rides again, eh?
14:58Are you in there, Mr Granger, sir?
15:01Are you all right, Mr Granger?
15:03I'm trying to get my trousers off.
15:10It isn't easy, you know.
15:14A nice pair of bananas, Mr Granger.
15:16Oh, thank you.
15:19I think perhaps it would be more dignified
15:25if I changed in the gentleman's cloakroom.
15:29Ooh, the things you see when he haven't got your gun.
15:37Mr Granger, you've left your flap open.
15:41On your tent!
15:43I don't think that was very funny, Mr Luke.
15:49Oh, now, Captain Peacock.
15:52Top quality passion killers.
15:54Haven't you got anything other than stripes?
15:56What do you want, then, pips?
15:59I think that having regard for my position,
16:01I should have something that makes me look a little different from the rest.
16:04Why don't you leave the trousers off?
16:07Sorry, Captain Peacock.
16:08I'll see if I can find you something else, sir.
16:09Yes, go.
16:16Oh, blimey, I'll be quicker to pinch one of Mrs Slocum's bras
16:19and sling it up as an hammer.
16:20It's the last pair, Mr Lucas.
16:22Oh, it's, uh, great.
16:29What am I supposed to do with these?
16:32Blimey, how did they get in there?
16:33They must have come from the window display.
16:35The window display?
16:36How many one-legged men go window shopping?
16:38No, it's the bed advert, you see.
16:40The he dummy was getting out one side of the bed,
16:42and the she dummy was getting out the other side of the bed.
16:44And they used one pair of charms for two, see?
16:47Well, I can't wear these in mixed company.
16:50Well, all you do is, you put both legs down there,
16:52and you hop in the bed!
17:00Here!
17:01What's your game?
17:03I'm sorry, Mrs...
17:04Miss Browns, and I was under the impression
17:06that this is where I was supposed to be sleeping.
17:08Not on your nelly, Captain Peacock.
17:10You're supposed to be in the big tent with Mrs Slocum.
17:13Well, then you take it up with her and you'd better knock.
17:16By the way, Miss Browns,
17:17your pyjamas should be on the other way round.
17:19Look, you do your thing your way,
17:22and I'll do my thing my way.
17:42Mrs Slocum?
17:51Are you free, Mrs Slocum?
17:55Just a minute, Captain Peacock.
17:57I can come back later.
18:02No, not at all.
18:04It's all right, I've got the stopper in.
18:07Why, I'm ready.
18:10I was blowing up my air bed,
18:12and it takes puff after puff after puff.
18:15Can I help anybody?
18:18No, I'll do, Mr. Humphries, I've managed.
18:22Mrs Slocum,
18:23what is Miss Browns doing in that tent?
18:26Knowing you, I'm surprised you haven't looked.
18:28He has.
18:28And I was putting on me pyjamas.
18:31Captain Peacock.
18:32The point is, Mrs Slocum,
18:34that this large tent is for yourself and Miss Browns.
18:37There's going to be no one in my boudoir
18:39when I blow out the candle.
18:41I have no other accommodation.
18:42Where am I supposed to be the whack?
18:44I don't care, whack.
18:45It's nothing to do with me.
18:47Here.
18:49What on earth is that, Mr. Mash?
18:52Get this to bed, Captain Peacock.
18:54Mr. Bram hold all of it, sir.
18:55Very thoughtful of him.
18:57He's not there, Mr. Mash.
18:59Well, it wouldn't go through your office door, sir.
19:01I can't sleep out here with the staff.
19:03You can't sleep out here with the staff?
19:05Of course I can sleep out here with the staff.
19:09Don't be silly.
19:10Now, how does this thing work?
19:11Oh, well, you pull this down, see, sir?
19:13I do the bolt.
19:13Like that, see?
19:14And you pick it down.
19:16Excuse me, sir, don't I?
19:17Get the little legs down there, see?
19:19Right here.
19:20Look, look.
19:21Nice little bed there.
19:22You see, really, it should be screwed to the bedroom wall, sir.
19:24You see?
19:24So when your bird's father knocks at the door, you press the button and she goes up the wall instead
19:29of him, see?
19:32That'll do, Mr. Mash.
19:37An ingenious device, is it not?
19:39Yes, most ingenious.
19:41Quite roomy.
19:42Yes, well, it is sold as a small double.
19:45It might help to solve a slight problem we have, sir.
19:49What problem?
19:49Miss Brahms refuses to leave my tent.
19:53Have you tried persuading her?
19:54Yes, she was quite adamant.
19:57You're quite right to tell me, of course.
19:58What you do after hours in normal times is entirely your own affair,
20:03but you could hardly go through with this under our very noses, so to speak.
20:06I think you may have, sir, what might be termed the wrong end of the stick.
20:11Have I?
20:12Yes, sir.
20:13I had arranged for Mrs. Slocum to have that large tent because I was quite sure that she would be
20:18willing to share.
20:19To my surprise, she wouldn't hear of it.
20:22Do you suppose she has heard about you and Miss Brahms?
20:26I was trying to get Miss Brahms and Mrs. Slocum together in the same tent.
20:30What, all three of you?
20:33No, sir. I don't want to share with the ladies.
20:37Ah, good.
20:37I want to share with you.
20:41Have I?
21:03Do you.
21:06Till the lightning,
21:11through the dark clouds shining,
21:17turn the dark clouds inside out.
21:23Till the bar ends.
21:32That was wonderful, Mr. Rumble.
21:35Didn't you think so, Captain Peacock?
21:37Ah, yes, it brought back memories of the army and the lads,
21:41the heat, the sunset, the endless shifting sands.
21:45How long were you at Bognor, Regis, Captain?
21:49Lucas, when you were at school,
21:51I was with some of the toughest soldiers in the world,
21:53chasing Rommel through the desert.
21:55Some people have all the luck.
21:58Yes, Lucas, some people seem to forget
22:01that men like Captain Peacock and myself
22:03were instrumental in making this a country fit for heroes to live in.
22:07What were you in there, Mr. Rumble?
22:09Catering corps.
22:10The naffy?
22:11Not the naffy, Mr. Lucas.
22:13The catering corps was a very important part of the service.
22:17The army marched on its stomach, remember?
22:20I suppose they couldn't walk upright for the indigestion.
22:23Unfortunately, Captain Peacock,
22:25these youngsters seem to forget what we went through.
22:28Are you in the naffy, Mrs. Sloper?
22:31No, of course I was a mere slip of a girl,
22:34but I was in air raid precautions.
22:37In fact, that's how I met my husband during an air raid.
22:40The bombs were raining down
22:42and I saw his face lit by an incendiary.
22:47He threw me on my face and said,
22:49Look out, here comes a big one.
22:58I suppose there wasn't much time for chatting in those days.
23:03And when it had gone off,
23:06we headed for the nearest shelter
23:08and it was then I knew that it was love at first sight.
23:12The first bomb sight you come to.
23:15Oh, you have got a nasty mind.
23:18Where were you when all this was happening, Mr. Granger?
23:21Oh, I was in ENSA, entertaining the troops.
23:24What does ENSA stand for?
23:26Every night something awful happens.
23:30You did a grand job, you ENSA chaps.
23:32Oh, thank you, yes.
23:34I used to do impersonations, you know.
23:36I called myself Whimsical Willie.
23:39I did impersonations of Hitler and Goering and Goebbels
23:44and Von Ribbentrop and Lord Haw-Haw.
23:47Whose side were you on?
23:50Oh, I used to do Mr. Churchill as well.
23:53Do you Lord Haw-Haw for us, Mr. Granger?
23:55He was the one who used to broadcast propaganda to England.
23:58Well, I don't know if I can.
24:00He was so many years ago, you know.
24:02The last time I did it was at a concert in Tobruk.
24:05Germany calling.
24:07Germany calling.
24:09Your English have no chance of winning the war.
24:12The German army is invincible.
24:15Oh, lifelike.
24:19It sent shivers up your spine.
24:21And then I used to do Mr. Winston Churchill, you know.
24:27We will fight on the beaches.
24:29We will fight on the landing grounds.
24:32We will fight in the streets and in the villages.
24:36But we will never surrender.
24:39Give us the tools and we will finish the job.
24:45And then I used to raise my hat.
24:48I think you were very brave, Mr. Granger.
24:51With an act like that, he had to be.
24:54Of course, I wasn't around when all this was going on.
24:57Oh, where were you then?
24:58I wasn't born.
24:59But it was the war that brought my mother and father together.
25:02We've still got pictures of him with his black face running up the beach.
25:04What was he, the first illegal immigrant?
25:08He was a commando.
25:10Ah, the toughest.
25:12Absolutely ruthless.
25:14My mum found in her bicycle shed.
25:17He was on a training exercise in Ipswich.
25:19What are you doing, she says.
25:21Looking for the jerry, he said.
25:24So she took him indoors and showed him upstairs.
25:27And, well, they just sort of clicked.
25:31Isn't that romantic?
25:33You know, I'm sorry I missed all that, really.
25:35Still, no matter what happens,
25:38even in spite of me pierced ear drums and me flat feet,
25:41whatever happens, I'll be there at the front the next time.
25:43Dressed as a woman with a ticket for Sweden, no doubt.
25:47Well, I think it's time for lights out.
25:49It's been a most enjoyable evening.
25:51Just like the old Boy Scout Jamborees.
25:54Yes.
25:55It's only half past ten.
25:58Shall I put the campfire out, Mr. Rumbo?
26:00Oh, yes, we don't want to take any risks.
26:05Hello.
26:06Churchill's having one of his catnaps again.
26:08Somebody better wake him up.
26:09It's time to go to bed.
26:10Stafford.
26:11Are you free, Mr. Green, Charles?
26:12Yes, I'm free.
26:15Good night, Mr. Green.
26:16Good night, everybody.
26:18Hey, Shirley.
26:19Fancy a game of ping pong in the sports department?
26:21No, thank you.
26:22How about sardines in soft furnishings?
26:24Get in your tent and zip yourself up.
26:28Would you like me to go to the library and get you a copy of The Sensuous Woman?
26:31Two copies.
26:34Has anybody set the alarm for tomorrow morning?
26:38I've set the burglar alarm for tonight.
26:40I hope you catch one.
26:43Good to you, sir.
26:44Oh, thank you very much.
26:46I'm going to keep my socks on, if you don't mind.
26:49Not at all, sir.
27:02That's enough, Mr. Lucas.
27:10Good night, Mrs. Slocum.
27:12Are you standing on tip-toe?
27:14No, Mrs. Slocum.
27:15No.
27:19Oh, drat it!
27:21There goes Miss Topper!
27:29Fire!
27:30Fire!
27:31Fire!
27:32Fire!
27:33Fire!
27:33Fire!
27:34Fire!
27:34Fire!
27:34Fire!
27:34Fire!
27:36Now let's dampened it down a bit.
27:40Good night, Mr. Humphries.
27:41Goodbye, Mr. Lucas.
27:42Thou won't come out, I've just put cream on me face.
27:48Ah.
27:50Just thinking...
27:51Those teeth once did Winston Churchill!
27:55Good night, Mr. Granger.
27:57Don't bother.
28:01You're not going to read, are you, Captain Peacock?
28:06sir can you get rid of that thing what thing the light oh damn it must be on
28:17mine mr. Lucas you're not in bed yet I'm just going sir turn this light up for
28:22us will you certainly sir not the lever
28:52on the road shoes
28:53second floor
29:00conference
29:01Travelers and veterans
29:02Materials so fast
29:03And new problems
29:05Keeps going down
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