00:02Okay, we can't stay here.
00:07If I want to make one egg, I have to move like five things.
00:10You know, we can hang pans on the wall.
00:12That's apartment therapy approved.
00:14I don't want to live like I'm on a boat.
00:17You have so much shit we need to get rid of before we can have this baby.
00:21You know, babies don't need that much.
00:23Remember Jenny?
00:24Jenny Felter?
00:24No, Jenny Beeble.
00:26Yes, her only toys were Tupperware containers and quarters.
00:29Quarters are a choking hazard.
00:32What is our plan for raising this baby?
00:34Uh, plan?
00:36Yeah, we can't raise a human in this tiny New York City apartment.
00:40What are other reasonable options?
00:43I think we should leave New York.
00:45What?
00:46Leave New York? Are you crazy?
00:48If we move back to Minnesota, we can live like kings.
00:50Ugh, the kind of kings that have to choose the near chilies or the far chilies.
00:55Okay, we can have like a house.
00:58Ugh, I think houses are overrated.
01:00Then you have to like go to Home Depot and like have a yard.
01:04So?
01:05Then you have to mow a yard.
01:06Mowing is relaxing.
01:08You know what I think is relaxing?
01:10Going to an artisanal beer hall and getting drunk on a Hefeweizen.
01:13You can't bring a kid to an artisanal beer hall.
01:15I'm gonna strap him to the front of me and we're gonna have an adventure.
01:18What if he sees some guy jerking off on a bench?
01:21A man jerking off on a bench at an artisanal beer hall.
01:25Okay, but what if he turns into one of those scary New York teenagers?
01:29What if he becomes a pill-fueled suburban teenager?
01:31Either way, the teenage years are gonna be terrible.
01:35If we move home, Dad will babysit for free literally all the time.
01:40If we stay here, we can have an artistic babysitter who like takes improv classes and has a septum piercing.
01:47Dad can do improv.
01:48Well, what if we renounced all worldly possessions and moved to an ashram in India?
01:53We're not moving to India.
01:56Oooooh.
01:57I learned that from my guru.
02:01His name is Greg, but I don't think that was the name he had at birth.
